Phrederic Reviews Evovle

Welcome back to Evolve as we have two #1 contenders matches, but before we get into that, make sure to catch up on a big week for WWE and its related companies.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – Ola de Calor – Heatwave – Raw – NXT

And we’re immediate with the flips, the posing, the rapping, and the SCIENCE, boom it’s Evolve!

We open with Blake Howard and Robert Stone on commentary and they introduce us to Sarah Schreiber as our backstage journalism. She tells us about the contender matches and now it’s Evolve Champion Harlem Lewis to be interviewed in the VIP Lounge. He wants a front row seat to see who is next and…here we go.

Max Abrams is out with a face mask first to say that he did get some work done with Dr. DeNucci in Miami who is very exclusive and they’re tight. Dr. D says that Max’s bone density is in the 99 percentile. Max says he can take the mask off but decides to keep it on and says that you can say things about him but he’s not ugly. He does some iPhone/Android jokes and asks the fans to take out their smartphones, set it to Mog Mode and ask if they need help. Max tells them they need to get help, cause we’re ugly. This promo continues to go on and how he’s healing well but until he heals up we’re going to get CJ Valor in his spot.

Welcome back to a pretty stuffed Evolve as we have four, count ‘em, four matches today. We got Laynie Luck challenging “The Issue” PJ Vasa, Kale Dixon taking on Chazz “Starboy” Hall, and Zena Sterling facing Layla Diggs…but above all we have Elijah Holyfield taking on Brooks Jensen in a Lumberjack Match! Plus the return of Aarron Rourke. But before we get into that, catch up with what’s good in the greater WWE cinematic universe.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

Brooks Jensen says that it’s preposterous to assume he’s afraid of Elijah Holyfield cause of a famous last name. Brooks size 14 snakeskin boots don’t run from anything, all they do is kick rookie butt. So they’re settling this tonight in a lumberjack match. And Brooks has one last lesson for Elijah, and that there is no escape and he’ll toss Elijah to the lumberjacks to finish him off. And when Elijah is looking up at the lights, the only thing on his mind is how he’s going to explain to his dad that he’s nothing more and nothing less than a colossal failure!

Brooks retro heel stylings amuse me greatly. I know we have health concerns but can he get some form of non-carcinogenic chaw for his promo segments?

FLASKS! POSING! SMOKE! RAPPING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to a show nobody cares about in Evolve as we have Marcus Mathers taking on Cutler James, The X-Factor of the Mog Squad, CJ Valor, taking on “Hardway” Sam Holloway, and Nikkita Lyons defending her Evolve Women’s Championship against Thea Hail. But first, catch up on what’s been going on with the greater WWE cinematic universe!

Main Event – Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We’re walking and talking with Thea Hail and a beverage as D.A.D. (ugh) lets us know that Nikkita is in touch with the cosmos and the spirits should let her know that Thea’s already tapped her out once and isn’t to be underestimated. Thea says that Nikkita can bring all her goons and it doesn’t matter, cause she’s the next Evolve women’s champion, HAIL YEAH!

POSING! FLIPPING! SCOWLING! SMOKE! TEST TUBES! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to Evolve where we have a stacked card. Cappuccino Jones, Chazz “Starboy” Hall, and It’s GAL are in a triple threat that is hinted to be a sort of number one contender’s match, Charlie Dempsey will be taking on NOAH excursion project Ulka Sasak (I shall explain him) and we got Sloane Jacobs versus Wren Sinclair, on Wrensday of all day too! But before we get into that, let’s take a look at the greater WWE cinematic universe.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

POSING! CHEST POUNDING! RAPPING! SMOKE! FLASKS! It’s Evolve!

And Blake Howard and Robert Stone are both here to debut the show, but it’s putting over Timothy Thatcher for this first match.

Welcome to Evolve where we have a big title match as new champion Harlem Lewis defends against former champ Aaron Rourke, continual annoyance Max Abrams, and arrogant NXT-er Tristan Angels. How spicy! But before we get there, let’s catch-up on what we’re missing in the greater WWE space.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – SummerSlam Night 1 – AAA Verano de Escandalo Night 2 – SummerSlam Night 2 – Raw – NXT

We start with Harlem talking about the fatal fourway and saying that’s all he wants and doesn’t fight odds, he fights his opponents. Rourke says he wants a singles, but he’s used to odds being against him and he’s beaten Max and Tristan and doesn’t feel bad if the match is against him. Tristan tells us that it’s time for order, he’s a gentleman farmer, and a top shagger (ewww) and it’s his time. And now it’s Max Abrams who has the worst chemical peel known to man and is like 22 but looks 47 and I don’t know if it’s deliberate but it’s hideous. Anyway Abrams has Main Man Energy.

Welcome back to Evolve as we have three matches tonight, Tate Wilder takes on Harley Riggins, It’s GAL challenges Kale Dixon, and Evolve women’s champion Nikkita Lyons teams with Sloane Jacobs, PJ Vasa, and Gianna Capri to take on Thea Hail, Wren Sinclair, Laynie Luck, and Skylar Rae. Also, shout-out to Kai Kavari who apparently has made his departure from WWE, good luck my friend. But before we go on check out what’s happening in the greater WWE landscape!

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA Verano de Escandalo – Raw – NXT

We start with the women’s locker room as Thea and Skyler are discussing if they like Nikkita (answer seems to be no) and Wren Sinclair makes her entrance to wish us all a happy Wrensday (and everybody throws up the sign) before Sinclair lets us know that Laynie is not cleared for tonight’s eight-woman tag. They discuss other options but apparently Wendy is still MIA and Zena Sterling shows up to offer her services as she’s been waiting for an opportunity. Everybody seems into and Wren wants to talk strategy.

SMOKE! RAPPING! SCIENCE! FLIPS! POSING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to Evolve where we have some actually built up matches and debuts for us, but before we get into that we should catch up on what’s happening in the greater WWE sphere.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – SNME – AAA – Raw – NXT

We have some big matches today as Nikkita has her first title defense against Laynie Luck, Shido Ash and Viktor Zanov graduate from security dorks to regular wrestlers as they take on Cappuccino Jones and Marcus Mathers, and we have Elijah Holyfield vs. Brooks Jensen II as the rookie hopes to get revenge for his humiliation in their last match. And we start with Nikkita Lyons and Sloane Jacobs doing yoga…to a tape of Lyons aphorisms and Sloane questions if this is really the best strategy to prepare for a title match, but Nikkita talks about karmic justice, they ruined Laynie Luck’s title defense, and Luck ruined Nikkita’s celebration, so now it’s the rubber match. Nikkita is at one with the universe and needs Jacobs to be her backup tonight cause everybody is after Nikkita. Sloane bigs up Lyons some more but rolls her eyes while NIkkita does yoga.

Welcome back to Evolve where we actually have a major title match where Aaron Rourke defends against Harlem Lewis and some other happenings where Max Abrams takes on Chazz “Starboy” Hall. And probably other stuff, but first, let’s catch up with what we might have missed.

Main Event – Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We start with a voiceover by Robert Stone as he puts over how important the Evolve championship is for making stars as we get footage of various former Evolve champions. Blake Howard then adds that tonight we’re getting Aaron Rourke vs. Harlem Lewis and then Rourke talks about how he’ll do whatever it takes to keep the belt and he’s built by pressure and then Lewis says he isn’t going to hold back anymore.

SCIENCE! MICROSCOPES! DIVES! FIRE! DRAMATIC HEAD TURNING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to Evolve where we have…wait all we have is Nikkita Lyons championship celebration? That can’t be right! Anyway before we continue, here’s what you missed in the greater WWE universe.

Main Event – Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We have Sloane Jacobs on a phone complaining about getting the right stuff and how expensive it’s going to be because Nikkita deserves it, smash cut to her telling us how big a deal this is and how she’s hunted down celebrities that are Nikkita Multimedia fans. This is a celebration of the greatest Evolve women’s champion of all time with the grandest party of all time.

RAPPING! FLIPS! SCREAMING! SMOKE! POSING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back for a post-Succession show as we have a new champion and also quite an amount of announced matches as we got the final blowoff (maybe) to Harlem Lewis vs. Braxton Cole in a no-DQ match, and Team ID vs. the Mog Squad in a six-man elimination match as KevOnStage is the guest GM with THE FOREMAN scouting around the globe. But first let’s catch up with what’s new in the greater WWE sphere of influence.

Main Event – Impact – SmackDown – Night of Champions – AAA – Slammiversary – Great American Bash – Raw – NXT

We start with our guest GM KevOnStage talking up Evolve and how Succession III: Return of the Kita was powerful and brilliant and this is the FUTURE of the business. This is what he wants, and he’s excited. He wants to see a high-flyer, so he’s picking Layla Diggs to face some attitude in Gianna Capri. And he wants something grimy, so he’s giving us Harlem Lewis vs. Braxton Cole in a no-DQ match where anything goes. And to end it all, the Mog Squad versus ID 1.0 where ego meats grind. The stage is set!

It’s Evolve time, and not just any Evolve time, it’s Evolve’s Succession III: Revenge of the Developmental as we’re onto a pretty big show with some debuts, a double title match, and more! But first lets catch up with the greater WWE space.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

But we have some walk and talk as Aaron Rourke, with Cappuccino Jones, Marcus Mathers, and Sam Holloway as Rourke says he has his backup against the Mog Squad and Rourke OWNS Succession. We now have Max Abrams getting misted down backstage by his Mog Squad’s CJ Valor, Santi Rivera, and Jacari Ball saying that Rourke and ID 1.0 are ‘chopped’ and like ‘old smart phones’ while the Mog Squad are ‘AI powered glasses.’ Cool. Abrams is taking over and when he wins the title he’s starting Hot Boy Summer. Now it’s Sloane Jacobs and Nikkita Lyons posing and its time for Lyons to win her first WWE title. Choo lets us know that this title means everything to her and she’s not going to lose to somebody obsessed with social media, in fact, her next post will just be her standing tall with the title.

Beakers! Moves! Dramatic music that’s new! It’s Succession III: Rise of the Mog!

Welcome back to Evolve as we’re just killing time until Succession III: Thatcher Strikes Back but before then we have to establish a few more things. So let’s begin, but y’know, let’s catch up on what we missed in the greater WWE sphere.

Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

And we have a hot start with THE FOREMAN Timothy Thatcher and he’s got a unlabeled corrugated can with a pencil atop it, a giant red toolbox, his hardhat, and his rotary phone with a clamp on it next to a giant EVOLVE notebook as he leads us off. It’s Evolve O’Clock and Succession Time Is The Right Time! Next week it’s Succession III and Thatcher is excited. Tonight though we have Kam Hendrix and Harley Riggins vs. Noam Dar and Romeo Moreno. Plus we’ll have Tristan Angels vs. Chazz “Starboy” Hall, and Elijah Holyfield vs. Brooks Jensen (?!)…and also Zena Sterling vs. Anya Rune. And here comes Wendy Choo who is apologetic about interrupting but Thatcher is fine with it and offers a pen to make the contract for Succession III where Wendy will be facing Nikkita Lyons. And Choo says she hasn’t been able to tame the Lyon, but she will next week and she does have her eye on today’s match and who might be the next contender, and Wendy picks Anya.

Welcome back to Evolve, where we’ll get the debut of It’s GAL’s Mint Condition Open Challenge you duh-duh-dummy! Also the Mog Squad’s Max Abrams, Jacari Ball, and Santi Rivera face the scrappy babyface squad of Cappuccino Jones, Sam Holloway, and Marcus Mathers, but before we get that, lets see what’s happening in the greater WWE sphere.

Impact – SmackDown – Noche de los Grandes Night 2 – Raw – NXT

We start with how last week ended with PJ Vasa and Karmen Petrovic brawling and Blake Howard lets us know that we’ll be getting a match tonight. We cut to Marcus Mathers and Sam Holloway talking about how happy they are to be back and also in the main-event. Marcus and Sam have been fed up with the Mog Squad for months but now they’re healthy and ready to drop them. Both bring up that they haven’t heard from Cappuccino Jones and we hear clanging pipes and dun-dun-DUN somebody attacked him!

Welcome back to Evolve as we’ve had a string of announced cards and this one is the same, with a title defense as Wendy Choo defends her Evolve Women’s Championship against Sloane Jacobs (to the chagrin of Nikkita Lyons), Romeo Moreno taking on Harley Riggins, the return of PJ Vasa, and the in-ring debut of Elijah Holyfield. But before we continue, here’s what you missed in the greater WWE sphere.

Impact – SmackDown – AAA Noche de Los Grandes – Clash In Italy – Raw – NXT

And we start with the POST SHOW EXCLUSIVE of last weeks show as the Mog Squad of Max Abrams, Santi Rivera, CJ Valor, and Jacari Ball ambush the Evolve Champ Aaron Rourke, but Cappuccino Jones returns with Marcus Mathers and Sam Holloway for the rescue and everybody brawls. In the chaos Max Abrams manages to hit his Main Objective (leapfrog bulldog) on Rourke and commentary announces that it’ll be Abrams vs. Jones IN THIS VERY RING!

And we got Nikkita Lyons running down the card with Sloane Jacobs. Elijah Holyfield will make his debut! Mog Squad will Mog ID 1.0. And the women of ID 2.0 will have Gianna Capri taking on Masyn Holiday. And Lyons reminds Jacobs of her title match tonight and Nikkita seems a bit salty about Sloane getting the shot and not her, but Sloane promises to win.

RAPPING! POSING! SMOKE! FLIPS! FIRE! PUNCHING! SCREAMING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back as we actually have a pretty big show tonight. We got our champions in action as Wendy Choo partners with Laynie Luck to face Nikkita Lyons and Sloane Jacobs, and Aaron Rourke defends his title against Tristan Angels, while Braxton Cole and Harlem Lewis resolve their feud in the middle of the ring. Plus an announcement with THE FOREMAN Timothy Thatcher and Elijah Holyfield. My goodness, an actual card before the show.

But before we get to that, here is the fine work of my colleagues as you can catch up on the greater WWE wrestling sphere.

Impact – SmackDown – SNME – AAA – Raw – NXT

We start with a pre-tape of Aaron Rourke running down the card. The Foreman has an announcement and Rourke talks about the opportunities that might emerge from that. Rourke talks about Harlem Lewis vs. Braxton Cole and brings up that he’s faced them both and Rourke knows that Lewis can’t wait for another match…but Aaron has his own title defense tonight against Tristan Angels. Tristan has earned the shot, but he’s also earned a whooping.

These promos are awkward but Rourke has enough personality to make it work.

Welcome back to some more refreshing, life-affirming, scintillating Evolve action. We have a MIDCARD CONTRACT SIGNING between Evolve champion Aaron Rourke and the new #1 contender, Tristan Angels, and we also have…we also have the final showdown between Kam Hendrix and Tate Wilder! Anyway before we get to the show, check out what’s happening in the greater WWE sphere.

Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

And we start with Kam monologuing about how long he’s  been at odds with Wilder, with footage from the Team ID vs. Team PC feud and the culmination with Tate as the special guest ref and Kam’s team losing. And then Tate brings up how many beatdowns he’s suffered at Kam’s hands while footage of the various attacks by Hendrix plays. Tate Wilder is a man who won’t lay down, and Hendrix says that’s a good thing cause he’s happy to give Wilder a long night. Various tough guy terms are said and we’re on tonight!

Welcome back to Evolve where we have a star-studded show tonight…okay we don’t, but we do have Karmen Petrovic against one of Nikkita Lyons or Sloane Jacobs, as well as a number one contendership 4-way for the Evolve men’s title between Tristan Angels, Kam Hendrix, Brooks Jensen, and Dorian Van Dux, but first catch up all the greater WWE TV space.

Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We start with Harley Riggins and Kam Hendrix talking about last week with Tate Wilder and how Harley got pinned, both of them beat him down afterwards so it was all worth it. None of that matters though cause Wilder is out of the picture and it’s Kam’s time since he’ll win the match later on and then the title afterwards. Riggins talks up the numbers they did running the show once, and now doing it every week. With Brooks and two Europeans, it’s Showtime, and it’ll be Lights, Kam, Action.

Smoke! Moves! Fire! Posing! Scowling! It’s Evolve.

Welcome back Evolvemaniacs as we have two big announced matches as Cappuccino Jones, Chazz “Starboy” Hall, and Romeo Moreno take on ID 2.0’s Max Abrams, Jacari Ball, and Santi Rivera, plus, Wendy Choo defends the Evolve women’s championship against Laynie Luck, but before all that, if you want to catch up with what’s happening in the Greater WWE Media Space we got some reviews.

Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

And if you’re curious about where some of these overseas Evolve talent are coming from, I got some reviews of All Japan’s Champion Carnival…and this isn’t a joke, Elio and Dorian were in the Carnival last year, who knows where the next Evolve star will come from? Or perhaps Evolve talent will end up in All Japan! Former NXT LVL Up talent are in the tournament and I once again am not joking.

And we start with a post-show exclusive as last Evolve left off with victorious champion Aaron Rourke being menaced by Kam Hendrix and Harley Riggins on one side and Brooks Jensen from the other, but as Kam and Harley storm the ring, the champ takes them both down and successfully evading the ambush and we will hear from him LATER ON TONIGHT!

Welcome back to Evolve and we have uh…big things afoot if you caught NXT, we got callups, debuts, chaos, random happenstance! Evolve is taped so all the fallout probably won’t pay off here, but you never know where these talents might show up, so please, check out my talented colleagues.

Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We are getting some big matches tonight, as Tyra Mae Steele faces Kali Armstrong with a perhaps less in doubt finish than we’d hope given the recent news (taped shows…) and a triple threat for the Evolve title with Aaron Rourke defending against Braxton Cole and Harlem Lewis. But before all that we start with Harlem Lewis monologuing to the camera about how he’s just here for gold and it’s taken a long time and though it’s not the one on one he wants, nothing will stop him from dropping both his competitors and walking out with the gold. Lewis runs down the card and talks about how poetic it is that his match is on the same night as Kali’s last in Evolve and puts her over as the first woman’s champion of Evolve.

Bit awkward to tie those two matches together but Harlem is a pretty decent promo here.

Flasks! Smoke! Fire! Flips! Posing! Rapidfire lyrics I can’t understand! It’s Evolve!

After the biggest week of the year for WWE, it’s back to our regular Evolve action, but if you want to keep up with what’s happening in the greater WWE-space.

Impact – SmackDown – WrestleMania Night 1 – WrestleMania Night 2 – Raw – NXT: Revenge

We start with a walk and talk with Cappuccino Jones as he’s got his cup of joe and says that normally he wakes up in a good mood, but today he ain’t happy cause Brooks Jensen hit him with that cowbell it woke Jones up and gave him a flavor nobody has ever seen. It’s the first bullrope match in Cap’s career, and he’s going to savor that flavor.

COFFEE PUNS! GET IT! COFFEE! Decent babyface fire at least.

And we have Brooks response, and he tells us that tonight there are not coffee puns (preach) and no escape, both of them tied to an unforgiving bullrope with a chunk of steel in the middle, there is no fun tonight, but there is one thing, and that is pain for Cappuccino Jones, courtesy of the Bad Man from Ala-bam-bam-bam-bam-bama.

Okay, this Brooks can talk a little bit.