Phrederic Reviews Evovle

WWE Evolve is here! Hello folks and welcome back to your favorite z-grade developmental show, as we’re full into the spooky season with a number of ghost matches tonight! We got Santi Rivera and Jacari Ball vs. Cappuccino Jones and Starboy Hall (yikes), Sloane Jacobs vs. Skylar Raye, and Aaron Rourke vs. Kale Dixon But first lets catchup with what exists in the greater WWE ecosystem. And of course if you want to check it out you can watch it here.

Impact – Smackdown – Triple A – Raw – NXT

We get a bit of a recap of Succession IV and boy it was a lot of heels standing tall.

Smoke! Flipping! Test tubs! Erlenmeyer flasks! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back for more Evolve action as we’re full in the spooky season with all the g-g-g-ghosts running around. Anyway we have two title matches and a grudge match of sorts, but before we get to that, lets catch up with the greater wrestling world.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – MITB – Bound For Glory – Raw – NXT

We start with some walk and talk as Wendy Choo says she should be walking into the event as champion but tonight she’ll be the last woman standing. Now we have Evolve Women’s Champion Nikkita Lyons being fanned by her lackey Sloane Jacobs as Jacobs reminds Nikkita that Lyons won at the last Succession, which will go viral when Nikkita Multimedia puts Wendy back to sleep and is the last woman standing. Now walk and talk with Harley Riggins saying he’s going to pump the breaks on Harlem’s world tour. Evolve Champion Harlem Lewis walks up some stairs and say that Succession is where champions cement legacies and the world tour ain’t stopping.

Welcome back to Evolve as we…don’t have a card? At least I don’t think so, anyway, we’ll see, but before then lets catch up with WWE and its expanded universe.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We start with Evolve champion Harlem Lewis walking and talking and he’s addressing Harley Riggins who will be challenging for the belt next week. Harlem says that he’s happy for Riggins (I sense sarcasm!) but he won’t walk out with the gold, one day Harley might be champion, but it’ll be after Lewis. The Harlem Lewis Violence World Tour continues.

Harley fires back with his own walk and talk and calls out the champs mutton chops (YA BURNT!) and says they’re gonna have words tonight 1v1 (I doubt it’ll just be words) and Harlem ain’t leaving Evolve with the belt and the big rig is gonna cool some behinds off and take some titles.

Posing! Smoke! Air guitaring! Incomprehensible lyrics! It’s Evolve!

We have Blake Howard and Robert Stone (that ratfink punk stool pigeon) hinting they’re going to run down the card and then they don’t, that’s neat.

Welcome to Evolve everybody as we have a number one contenders match with It’s GAL facing Harley Riggins and also Braxton Cole vs. Elijah Holyfield, but before we get to that lets read what’s going on in the greater WWE space.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

And I guess it’d be appropriate to speak a few words about Ben Satterly, known as PAC outside of WWE and Adrian Neville inside of it, he does have real history with Evolve (well not this Evolve, but old Evolve) as he was a big contributor to the DragonGate promotion and DragonGate USA which later merged with Evolve under the watch of Gabe Sapolsky (who of course is running THIS Evolve). Ben also was the face of DragonGate when they were getting their streaming service over in America and was a massive contributor to the early days of NXT which did a tremendous amount for developmental, without him I doubt those in-roads into the indie British wrestling scene and the cruiser scene in the indies, Japan, Mexico, and Europe get made. A tremendous professional wrestler whose match against Sami Zayn made me a diehard fan of that show and by all accounts an even better person. RIP to the Bastard and condolences to his family and his multitude of loved ones.

Anyway, on with the silliness of pro wrestling, no? And we have It’s GAL telling us dummies it’s neither a bird or a plane but It’s GAL. Big Daddy Red saved the day for ID 1.0 and is the hero of Evolve, Harley Riggins talks a big game, but his abs ain’t in the frame (bars). This is It’s GAL’s night and he’ll get the title shot at Succession IV. He appreciates Harley’s size and power, but a big rig is worthless when it runs out of gasoline (bars). The Big Red Machine never runs out of steam! Harley Riggins is gonna get parked in the junkyard (bars).

Welcome to a women’s showcase for Evolve where a big title defense where Evolve Women’s Champion Nikkita Lyons faces Skylar Raye, but before we get to that, let’s catch up on what happened in the greater WWE universe

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

And we start with Skylar Raye who lets us know it’s the first all-women’s showcase in Evolve history and that tonight is the night. She won LFG season 2 and that’s a big deal but it’s not a guarantee of longevity. She needs to live up to those champions of Evolve’s storied past, Kali Armstrong, Kendal Grey, Wemdy Choo (bit awkward there), and even Nikkita Lyons who reinvented herself in Evolve. But Skylar Raye is the shooting star and she’s going to make that splash and be NEWWWWW!

Flips! Posing! Glaring! Chemistry! Strikes! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to Evolve where hopefully this show surpasses last week, we have a title match tonight as well as other stuff, certainly, but before we go further, catchup on what’s been going on with the greater WWE universe! And if you want to watch tonight, here’s the link!

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – TripleMania Night 1 – TripleMania Night 2 – Raw – NXT

We start with some walk and talk as Evolve Champion Harlem Lewis talks about how becoming champion is the biggest moment of his career, he does what he says he’s going to do, and all he has to do is Keep His Head (as the camera pans to a tattoo that says the same). He’s channeled his rage and aggression perfectly and now everybody wants to chase his gold and tonight it’s Cutler James, who is undefeated on Evolve and is a blend of strength and smarts (say what again?) and DarkState could be lurking. Harlem says that the win streak ends tonight as he’s just another victim on the Harlem Violence World Tour.

Harlem is a fine promo, but his character of “angry tweener” is less interesting to me than the blue-collar babyface thing he was doing before.

We have a special show that is showcasing all of the WWE ID program and a big gauntlet match, but before that, let’s take a look at what the greater WWE cinematic universe is doing.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Sunday Night’s Main Event (I was there!) – Raw – NXT

We start with the Mog Squad walking and talking and they’re chads and that ID 1.0 folks can’t handle these chads and okay, let’s just pile in the catchphrases and whatevers. ID 1.0 got swept in an elimination match, Mog Squad is arrogant, let’s move on as none of them have a single drop of personality. So to get into something that matters, Max Abrams says Jacari Ball will start the gauntlet match. Whew, chad, mog, aura farming, chad, let us leave reddit now and talk about wrestling.

Welcome back to Evolve as we have two #1 contenders matches, but before we get into that, make sure to catch up on a big week for WWE and its related companies.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – Ola de Calor – Heatwave – Raw – NXT

And we’re immediate with the flips, the posing, the rapping, and the SCIENCE, boom it’s Evolve!

We open with Blake Howard and Robert Stone on commentary and they introduce us to Sarah Schreiber as our backstage journalism. She tells us about the contender matches and now it’s Evolve Champion Harlem Lewis to be interviewed in the VIP Lounge. He wants a front row seat to see who is next and…here we go.

Max Abrams is out with a face mask first to say that he did get some work done with Dr. DeNucci in Miami who is very exclusive and they’re tight. Dr. D says that Max’s bone density is in the 99 percentile. Max says he can take the mask off but decides to keep it on and says that you can say things about him but he’s not ugly. He does some iPhone/Android jokes and asks the fans to take out their smartphones, set it to Mog Mode and ask if they need help. Max tells them they need to get help, cause we’re ugly. This promo continues to go on and how he’s healing well but until he heals up we’re going to get CJ Valor in his spot.

Welcome back to a pretty stuffed Evolve as we have four, count ‘em, four matches today. We got Laynie Luck challenging “The Issue” PJ Vasa, Kale Dixon taking on Chazz “Starboy” Hall, and Zena Sterling facing Layla Diggs…but above all we have Elijah Holyfield taking on Brooks Jensen in a Lumberjack Match! Plus the return of Aarron Rourke. But before we get into that, catch up with what’s good in the greater WWE cinematic universe.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

Brooks Jensen says that it’s preposterous to assume he’s afraid of Elijah Holyfield cause of a famous last name. Brooks size 14 snakeskin boots don’t run from anything, all they do is kick rookie butt. So they’re settling this tonight in a lumberjack match. And Brooks has one last lesson for Elijah, and that there is no escape and he’ll toss Elijah to the lumberjacks to finish him off. And when Elijah is looking up at the lights, the only thing on his mind is how he’s going to explain to his dad that he’s nothing more and nothing less than a colossal failure!

Brooks retro heel stylings amuse me greatly. I know we have health concerns but can he get some form of non-carcinogenic chaw for his promo segments?

FLASKS! POSING! SMOKE! RAPPING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to a show nobody cares about in Evolve as we have Marcus Mathers taking on Cutler James, The X-Factor of the Mog Squad, CJ Valor, taking on “Hardway” Sam Holloway, and Nikkita Lyons defending her Evolve Women’s Championship against Thea Hail. But first, catch up on what’s been going on with the greater WWE cinematic universe!

Main Event – Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We’re walking and talking with Thea Hail and a beverage as D.A.D. (ugh) lets us know that Nikkita is in touch with the cosmos and the spirits should let her know that Thea’s already tapped her out once and isn’t to be underestimated. Thea says that Nikkita can bring all her goons and it doesn’t matter, cause she’s the next Evolve women’s champion, HAIL YEAH!

POSING! FLIPPING! SCOWLING! SMOKE! TEST TUBES! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to Evolve where we have a stacked card. Cappuccino Jones, Chazz “Starboy” Hall, and It’s GAL are in a triple threat that is hinted to be a sort of number one contender’s match, Charlie Dempsey will be taking on NOAH excursion project Ulka Sasak (I shall explain him) and we got Sloane Jacobs versus Wren Sinclair, on Wrensday of all day too! But before we get into that, let’s take a look at the greater WWE cinematic universe.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

POSING! CHEST POUNDING! RAPPING! SMOKE! FLASKS! It’s Evolve!

And Blake Howard and Robert Stone are both here to debut the show, but it’s putting over Timothy Thatcher for this first match.

Welcome to Evolve where we have a big title match as new champion Harlem Lewis defends against former champ Aaron Rourke, continual annoyance Max Abrams, and arrogant NXT-er Tristan Angels. How spicy! But before we get there, let’s catch-up on what we’re missing in the greater WWE space.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – SummerSlam Night 1 – AAA Verano de Escandalo Night 2 – SummerSlam Night 2 – Raw – NXT

We start with Harlem talking about the fatal fourway and saying that’s all he wants and doesn’t fight odds, he fights his opponents. Rourke says he wants a singles, but he’s used to odds being against him and he’s beaten Max and Tristan and doesn’t feel bad if the match is against him. Tristan tells us that it’s time for order, he’s a gentleman farmer, and a top shagger (ewww) and it’s his time. And now it’s Max Abrams who has the worst chemical peel known to man and is like 22 but looks 47 and I don’t know if it’s deliberate but it’s hideous. Anyway Abrams has Main Man Energy.

Welcome back to Evolve as we have three matches tonight, Tate Wilder takes on Harley Riggins, It’s GAL challenges Kale Dixon, and Evolve women’s champion Nikkita Lyons teams with Sloane Jacobs, PJ Vasa, and Gianna Capri to take on Thea Hail, Wren Sinclair, Laynie Luck, and Skylar Rae. Also, shout-out to Kai Kavari who apparently has made his departure from WWE, good luck my friend. But before we go on check out what’s happening in the greater WWE landscape!

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA Verano de Escandalo – Raw – NXT

We start with the women’s locker room as Thea and Skyler are discussing if they like Nikkita (answer seems to be no) and Wren Sinclair makes her entrance to wish us all a happy Wrensday (and everybody throws up the sign) before Sinclair lets us know that Laynie is not cleared for tonight’s eight-woman tag. They discuss other options but apparently Wendy is still MIA and Zena Sterling shows up to offer her services as she’s been waiting for an opportunity. Everybody seems into and Wren wants to talk strategy.

SMOKE! RAPPING! SCIENCE! FLIPS! POSING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to Evolve where we have some actually built up matches and debuts for us, but before we get into that we should catch up on what’s happening in the greater WWE sphere.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – SNME – AAA – Raw – NXT

We have some big matches today as Nikkita has her first title defense against Laynie Luck, Shido Ash and Viktor Zanov graduate from security dorks to regular wrestlers as they take on Cappuccino Jones and Marcus Mathers, and we have Elijah Holyfield vs. Brooks Jensen II as the rookie hopes to get revenge for his humiliation in their last match. And we start with Nikkita Lyons and Sloane Jacobs doing yoga…to a tape of Lyons aphorisms and Sloane questions if this is really the best strategy to prepare for a title match, but Nikkita talks about karmic justice, they ruined Laynie Luck’s title defense, and Luck ruined Nikkita’s celebration, so now it’s the rubber match. Nikkita is at one with the universe and needs Jacobs to be her backup tonight cause everybody is after Nikkita. Sloane bigs up Lyons some more but rolls her eyes while NIkkita does yoga.

Welcome back to Evolve where we actually have a major title match where Aaron Rourke defends against Harlem Lewis and some other happenings where Max Abrams takes on Chazz “Starboy” Hall. And probably other stuff, but first, let’s catch up with what we might have missed.

Main Event – Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We start with a voiceover by Robert Stone as he puts over how important the Evolve championship is for making stars as we get footage of various former Evolve champions. Blake Howard then adds that tonight we’re getting Aaron Rourke vs. Harlem Lewis and then Rourke talks about how he’ll do whatever it takes to keep the belt and he’s built by pressure and then Lewis says he isn’t going to hold back anymore.

SCIENCE! MICROSCOPES! DIVES! FIRE! DRAMATIC HEAD TURNING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back to Evolve where we have…wait all we have is Nikkita Lyons championship celebration? That can’t be right! Anyway before we continue, here’s what you missed in the greater WWE universe.

Main Event – Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

We have Sloane Jacobs on a phone complaining about getting the right stuff and how expensive it’s going to be because Nikkita deserves it, smash cut to her telling us how big a deal this is and how she’s hunted down celebrities that are Nikkita Multimedia fans. This is a celebration of the greatest Evolve women’s champion of all time with the grandest party of all time.

RAPPING! FLIPS! SCREAMING! SMOKE! POSING! It’s Evolve!

Welcome back for a post-Succession show as we have a new champion and also quite an amount of announced matches as we got the final blowoff (maybe) to Harlem Lewis vs. Braxton Cole in a no-DQ match, and Team ID vs. the Mog Squad in a six-man elimination match as KevOnStage is the guest GM with THE FOREMAN scouting around the globe. But first let’s catch up with what’s new in the greater WWE sphere of influence.

Main Event – Impact – SmackDown – Night of Champions – AAA – Slammiversary – Great American Bash – Raw – NXT

We start with our guest GM KevOnStage talking up Evolve and how Succession III: Return of the Kita was powerful and brilliant and this is the FUTURE of the business. This is what he wants, and he’s excited. He wants to see a high-flyer, so he’s picking Layla Diggs to face some attitude in Gianna Capri. And he wants something grimy, so he’s giving us Harlem Lewis vs. Braxton Cole in a no-DQ match where anything goes. And to end it all, the Mog Squad versus ID 1.0 where ego meats grind. The stage is set!

It’s Evolve time, and not just any Evolve time, it’s Evolve’s Succession III: Revenge of the Developmental as we’re onto a pretty big show with some debuts, a double title match, and more! But first lets catch up with the greater WWE space.

Main Event – Impact – Smackdown – AAA – Raw – NXT

But we have some walk and talk as Aaron Rourke, with Cappuccino Jones, Marcus Mathers, and Sam Holloway as Rourke says he has his backup against the Mog Squad and Rourke OWNS Succession. We now have Max Abrams getting misted down backstage by his Mog Squad’s CJ Valor, Santi Rivera, and Jacari Ball saying that Rourke and ID 1.0 are ‘chopped’ and like ‘old smart phones’ while the Mog Squad are ‘AI powered glasses.’ Cool. Abrams is taking over and when he wins the title he’s starting Hot Boy Summer. Now it’s Sloane Jacobs and Nikkita Lyons posing and its time for Lyons to win her first WWE title. Choo lets us know that this title means everything to her and she’s not going to lose to somebody obsessed with social media, in fact, her next post will just be her standing tall with the title.

Beakers! Moves! Dramatic music that’s new! It’s Succession III: Rise of the Mog!

Welcome back to Evolve as we’re just killing time until Succession III: Thatcher Strikes Back but before then we have to establish a few more things. So let’s begin, but y’know, let’s catch up on what we missed in the greater WWE sphere.

Impact – SmackDown – AAA – Raw – NXT

And we have a hot start with THE FOREMAN Timothy Thatcher and he’s got a unlabeled corrugated can with a pencil atop it, a giant red toolbox, his hardhat, and his rotary phone with a clamp on it next to a giant EVOLVE notebook as he leads us off. It’s Evolve O’Clock and Succession Time Is The Right Time! Next week it’s Succession III and Thatcher is excited. Tonight though we have Kam Hendrix and Harley Riggins vs. Noam Dar and Romeo Moreno. Plus we’ll have Tristan Angels vs. Chazz “Starboy” Hall, and Elijah Holyfield vs. Brooks Jensen (?!)…and also Zena Sterling vs. Anya Rune. And here comes Wendy Choo who is apologetic about interrupting but Thatcher is fine with it and offers a pen to make the contract for Succession III where Wendy will be facing Nikkita Lyons. And Choo says she hasn’t been able to tame the Lyon, but she will next week and she does have her eye on today’s match and who might be the next contender, and Wendy picks Anya.

Welcome back to Evolve, where we’ll get the debut of It’s GAL’s Mint Condition Open Challenge you duh-duh-dummy! Also the Mog Squad’s Max Abrams, Jacari Ball, and Santi Rivera face the scrappy babyface squad of Cappuccino Jones, Sam Holloway, and Marcus Mathers, but before we get that, lets see what’s happening in the greater WWE sphere.

Impact – SmackDown – Noche de los Grandes Night 2 – Raw – NXT

We start with how last week ended with PJ Vasa and Karmen Petrovic brawling and Blake Howard lets us know that we’ll be getting a match tonight. We cut to Marcus Mathers and Sam Holloway talking about how happy they are to be back and also in the main-event. Marcus and Sam have been fed up with the Mog Squad for months but now they’re healthy and ready to drop them. Both bring up that they haven’t heard from Cappuccino Jones and we hear clanging pipes and dun-dun-DUN somebody attacked him!