Dream Matches — page 6

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have some funny minor matches, starting off with something from Dusty Rhodes’s “Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling” micro-promotion in 2001, as Dusty, a washed-up spherical 56-year old, teams up with svelte son Dustin to take on ECW nobody CW Anderson and WCW’s failed giant Reese (now back as Ron Studd)! Then Bill Goldberg faces Stevie Ray near the start of his dominant run as a killer, with the kind of a sell of a Jackhammer you will NOT be seeing for much longer!

Then it’s WCW jobberdom as Buddy Lee Parker gets fed to Mortis at the start of the “Blood Runs Cold” feud! I try to find more “Lost Dudley Boyz” stuff with a match between Big Dick Dudley & Little Spike Dudley!  Then it’s a rare appearance by Wild Bill Irwin in the WWF, as he takes on “El Matador” Tito Santana in a WWF Mania Exclusive in early 1993! And finally, it’s more DEATH ROW as he gets another shot in WCW two years after trying shit on Mike Rotunda and getting shoot-wrestled to the ground and punched in the face- here, he faces Sting!

DUSTY & DUSTIN RHODES vs. CW ANDERSON & RON STUDD:
(Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling, Aug. 2001)
* Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOO it’s Dusty Rhodes’s TCW promotion (a Georgia-based nostalgia fed that actually got TV), and he’s teaming with Dustin against two failed stars! This has disaster written all over it- I love it. Ron Studd is of course WCW’s “Reese”- a huge 7-footer who never amounted to anything and just got used as a JTTS. CW Anderson was portrayed as a “serious wrestler” in ECW’s dying days but was pretty much a Generic McWrestler nobody with no real character. He’s one of those “He was really awesome/underrated” guys I never saw a shred of star power in and is grossly overrated by the fanbase, probably because he could do basic wrestling in the dying era of ECW that had few other stars. He’s in a black singlet and Reis is in blue trunks- why is this giant dude always wearing the worst looks? Dustin has an elaborate singlet on and looks to be in shape while Dusty’s in normal clothes. Dusty is massively chubby (… you know! For a change!) and impossibly old to be wrestling… being about a year older than Dustin is today, haha. Dusty’s also doing commentary.

lol the stereotypical nerd on the bottom left. He’s also the only one not smiling and laughing and looks legitimately worried. I’m DYING at this, hahaha.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have something inspired by recent Scott Keith reviews and comments- incredibly off-putting jokes about a black wrestler’s family, and suspiciously high AEW match ratings! er, wait- I mean a match brought up where jobber Death Row starts to take liberties with Mike Rotunda and gets the absolute dog-piss beaten out of him! Come see just what happens when a big loser tries to take on a surprisingly great amateur wrestler! Then it’s more of the Dudley Boyz’s early days in ECW, as I believe they have their first match in the promotion against the Pitbulls, as Dudley Dudley & Little Snot Dudley take on the roidy monsters while the Stevie Richards drama takes center stage for most of the match!

Then it’s over to the NWA, where the babyface Midnight Express takes on the Samoan Swat Team, Samu & Fatu! Then it’s WWF Jakked, as Eddie Guerrero and his Mamacita, Chyna, face Kaientai: Taka Michinoku & Funaki! And finally, a look at the tail end of Big Bully Busick’s short WWF career, as he takes on the Brooklyn Brawler!

THE PITBULLS (Pitbull #1 & Pitbull #2, w/ Raven, Stevie Richards & Beaulah McGillicutty) vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ (Dudley Dudley & Little Snot Dudley, w/ Big Dick Dudley):
(ECW Hardcore Heaven, 01/07/1995)
* So Stevie Richards promptly makes nearly everything about himself, raising his ECW Tag Title around and dancing to the crowd. The Dudleyz are a brand-new team at this point, Joey suggesting “this is the first AND the last time we’ll be seeing this team” as the Pitbulls are expected to murder them. This is the original incarnation of the squad, as it’s Dudley and Little Snot. Dudley was talked about last week, but Little Snot, who is noticeably taller than either Pitbull, is a Weird Al-looking guy with no facial hair. He’s indie dweeb Al Michaels, who got hurt after a very short time in a jet ski accident and missed out all the rest of the Dudley run, being replaced by Chubby Dudley. He wrestled for a REALLY long time afterwards- I’ve seen stuff from the 2000s which is decidedly still not very good. Not that the Pitbulls, the “short guys at the gym who roid out to compensate” of tag team wrestling, are any better.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I have a hell of a famous match for you, notable primarily for its finish and for making everyone think Shelton Benjamin was going to be a star of the future. It’s Shelton vs. Shawn Michaels on WWF RAW in 2005! You know the ending! But look at just HOW GOOD Shawn Michaels was, and how much he puts the kid over, while Shelton is portrayed like this S-tier Super-Athlete one-upping the Showstopper at his own game! I go a bit nuts with the analysis here, but it’s a famous match for a reason!

And then I decide to watch some HORRIBLE CRAP, as I have decided it’s my mission to track down matches from the “Lost Dudleys”- the awful indie workers that went nowhere while Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley became huge stars. It’s Dances With Dudley doing his offensive stereotype gimmick against The Shah of ECW, Hack Myers! Who also sucks! Then it’s Dudley Dudley (the only Dudley whose parents were both Dudleys) teaming up with the Vampire Warrior (Gangrel) of all people, to take on… the Steiner Brothers?! Oh hey this IS a Dream Match! Almost! Then I decided to find more of that weird giant Mike Fury jobber as he apparently did a WWF squash against The British Bulldog, Davey-Boy Smith!

GOLD RUSH TOURNAMENT:
SHAWN MICHAELS vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN:
(WWF RAW, May 2nd 2005)
* This is a Mystery Challenger match in a Title shot tournament (Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler are taken aback by Shawn’s theme playing), and the most famous match and moment of Shelton Benjamin’s career is commencing. Shelton at this point is getting a BIG push as an upstart blue-chipper winning midcard belts, and he reminds me a lot of Booker T in his WCW “TV Title” era or Sakie Hasegawa in All Japan Women’s Pro Wrestling- I fuckin’ love the “Super-Athlete with a fire under their ass” type of wrestler- someone going all-out physically every night (in kayfabe and for a shoot) to demand that brass ring and get a push. But now the two-time All-American in heavyweight wrestling and TRACK (like seriously, how can you be god-tier at both things?) is against the wiliest of veterans and a legit Main Eventer. Shelton is a mix of dumbfounded and amused, here, like he’s this arrogant young rookie who now thinks he’s got a shot. Shawn is his usual “silly egomaniac” self to start.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! With the amazing Misawa/Taue match from last week reviewed, people brought up how it informs the June 9th 1995 tag match… one which has gone into wrestling lore as “The Best Tag Match Ever”. And HOLY SHIT does it live up to that hype, as it becomes the Ur Example of the “AJPW Style” and amazed fans all over the internet and tape-trading community. And it’s EVEN BETTER when you know all the context, like the prior match! So come see four of the best to ever do it at the peak of their powers go for 40 minutes of amazing action.

And I follow that with a match of equal magnitude, the Power Twins from that NWC show I reviewed face the Towers of Power in whatever the hell the NAWA is, in 1992! Plus we have Vader vs. jobber Sean McKever in his first match from WCW TV, and Sid Vicious in a legendary squash against Lee Scott!

ALL JAPAN WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES:
MITSUHARU MISAWA & KENTA KOBASHI vs. THE HOLY DEMON ARMY (Toshiaki Kawada & Akira Taue):
(All Japan, June 9th 1995)
* This match is somewhat notable. More than twenty years ago, I was in University and made a purchase from Golden Boy Tapes for a number of VHS tapes, including one simply labeled “Best Tag Match Ever”. This was part of the ongoing feud between Misawa & Kobashi and their former ally Kawada (the trio had been playing on former ace Jumbo Tsuruta’s lawn for years) and his new partner Taue. Kawada had been chasing Misawa for literally years, having debuted the year after him and just never being quite as good or successful- Misawa got the bigger matches, the quicker singles push, the Tiger Mask gig, beat Jumbo and became the new Ace, etc. All the while Kawada was AMAZING but just not up to the same level, which killed his ass until he finally quit their stable of guys and hooked up with Jumbo’s tag team partner, the big lug Akira Taue.

So now Kawada was possessed by a pathological desire to beat Misawa- not only has he never done so in singles, he’s never even PINNED him. Misawa by this point almost never did jobs, and only did so to foreign names. Misawa & Kobashi had been tag champions continuously since Dec. 1993, having vacated them for the Tag League but winning them back. Kobashi is BIG here- his more slender early ’90s look had since given way to a bulky, barrel-chested physique with no muscle definition- just pure SIZE. But his leg is almost made of bandages at this point. Speaking of, Misawa’s orbital socket was broken a short while before, and Taue kept working it over when pressed (in a match where his legendary Nodowa Otoshi- chokeslam- off the apron became the centrepoint of the match’s climax), so that’s still an issue. Hopefully Kawada, famously kindly pillar of good sportsmanship, will be a good sport and not focus on such obvious weak points!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have the GOOD SHIT- King’s Road Style! Mitsuharu Misawa vs. another one of the Four Pillars- the huge Akira Taue! A Champion Carnival Final seeing some of the best “putting over the move” selling I’ve ever seen!

Next up, a match of equal magnitude: The Power Twins vs. Aerial Assault in a shitty Las Vegas indie! It’s Larry & David Power (two never-was chubby dudes billed as powerhouses) versus Bob Bradley and Rob Van Dam, in one of the matches that was his debut on the greater wrestling scene in North America, for the NWC Tag Team Titles! Then it’s over to WCW Pro where “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan teams up with Stars & Stripes (Marcus Bagwell & The Patriot) against the Three Faces of Fear: Kevin Sullivan, Avalanche and The Butcher (Brutus Beefcake)! Finally, it’s WCW’s short-lived women’s division, as Malia Hosaka takes on mid-80s Glamour Girl, Leilani Kai on WCW Saturday Night!

ALL JAPAN CHAMPION CARNIVAL FINALS:
MITSUHARU MISAWA vs. AKIRA TAUE:
(April 15th 1995)
* Oh hell yeah more Four Pillars time! It’s the Ace of AJPW against Taue, the lowest-ranked of the Pillars, and generally the one accepted as the “weakest worker” of the four. Taue having that rep in the early days of the IWC was always kind of interesting, cuz like… he’s the worst of THOSE FOUR. Which means he could be better than almost anyone else in the world, ya know? A lot of it was a lack of MOVEZ, I suspect- his stuff was generally the ugliest of the four, he had the smallest moveset, and he wasn’t very agile or smooth, so people who didn’t see things like timing and selling as well missed the boat on him. I was thinking “no one would believe Taue had a chance here, right?” as Misawa almost never lost and even Kawada hadn’t beaten him yet, but the Carnival was a round-robin and flukes can always happen in these things. Taue had recently debuted a big new move- his Nodowa Otoshi (chokeslam), but off the RING APRON in a huge crowd-pleasing mega-spot. Misawa had also broken his orbital bone only three weeks prior, giving this some added drama. Both are in the usual- Misawa’s emerald & white, and good ol’ tall, lanky, shapeless Taue in red.

NATIONAL WRESTLING COUNCIL- TOTAL CHAOS- BEST OF THE NWC- Volume I:
(Late 1994)
* The NWC is one of a million goofy indies that popped up all over America in the 1990s, starting the usual mix- guys WWF no longer wanted mixed with future superstars. In this case, it’s dominated by a pair of Cactus Jack vs. Sabu matches, as both guys are making names for themselves in every indie you can think of (Cactus is between his WCW run and his ECW one, while Sabu is a tape trader’s dream at this point), featuring Sabu getting suplexed through a table in front of some old ladies. Then ends up with a Branding Iron Match between Terry Funk and VIRGIL, Terry doing his best to either carry the match or expose the business, and we end things with… the Powers of Pain vs. BOB BRADLEY & ROB VAN DAM!? Oh god I love these weirdo U.S. indies.

The NWC lasted only a short time, and was one of the first American indies to showcase hardcore wrestling, particularly that of Sabu & Cactus Jack. Its first bankruptcy came about due to a partnership with the Ultimate Warrior, who bailed on them. It reopened in 1996 but died two years later. It’s most notable for giving RVD his first prominent spot in wrestling, and for a Ku Klux Klan angle that led to Jim Neidhart and another guy “hanging” Virgil while wearing white robes. I don’t remember ANY of this stuff (nor Foley’s book talking about it), so I just checked Wikipedia for that, haha.

The tape already starts amazingly, via showing clips of the Ultimate Warrior’s workout video (shouldn’t that just be a list of nearby pharmacies?), then clips of Virgil and Honky Tonk Man matches, really going all-out to draw fans in. We also get clips of Jim Neidhart between WWF runs, Sabu legdropping a chair onto someone’s face, and the exact same image of the Las Vegas skyline on repeat over the “Y’all ready for this?” sports hype song.

The commentary team is the promotion’s owner TC Martin & Big Al Rizz (?), who sounds like John Candy mimicking a Chicago accent. TC hosts the opening, wearing a gaudy Vegas dealer’s vest over his shirt.

Cactus Jack deliberately moving Sabu over to a table full of old grannies and suplex him through their table.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I found a true rarity- a fancam of Rey Mysterio Jr.’s first-ever match, as “Colibri” debuts in 1989 at fourteen years of age, taking on a guy in Mexico! Then I look for Rey’s OTHER debut- the one in WWE, where he takes on Chavo Guerrero Jr. on WWE SmackDown! Watch me take the opportunity to throw some shots at AEW booking and agenting incompetence as I compare the job done HERE to the job done for acts like Hologram, whose opponent had a similar job to Chavo’s here- acting as a tackling dummy for all the wild moves of the new guy. Following that, it’s a request as we get WWF Champion Hulk Hogan facing Cowboy Bob Orton on WWF SuperStars on Memorial Day Weekend, in a match somewhat well-known for the top rope cable breaking mid-match, probably forcing a complete re-thinking of the match on the fly from the two veterans!

Then it’s over to a Canadian indie as the Motor City Machine Guns take on JUSHIN LIGER AND ULTIMO DRAGON! But it’s 2007 so uhhhhh get ready for Lazy U.S. Indie Style and an announcer who thinks imitating Howard Cosell is the height of comedy. Hoo boy the commentary is always the worst stuff on the indies. And finally I throw in a quickie as Tito Santana takes on Dangerous Danny Davis in the weeks before WrestleMania V!

COLIBRI vs. ????:
(Mexico, April 30th 1989)
* Yes, it’s the debut of REY MYSTERIO JR., as a 14-year old kid takes on some guy whose name I can’t even find out in 1989! Rey isn’t listed on Cagematch at all until 1992, which makes this a nearly-lost thing- Rey is recognizable even with this terrible home video transfer, though I can barely make out the color of his tights (purple?). Rey famously debuted as “Colibri” (Spanish for “hummingbird”), and is barely taller than the top rope here. His opponent is mere inches taller, and is clunky and squat. Let’s call him “Black Mask” for now.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a one-time-only feature bout, as the IWA Mid-South Title is defended in a Three Way Dance between… CM Punk, Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio Jr.! Three all-time legends in one match, at totally different points in their careers (Eddie & Rey were close to their career-defining WWF comebacks, while Punk was just starting out as an indie name). And I went looking for Flash Funk matches and oh yeah- he was SABU’s opponent when ECW invaded WWF RAW in 1997! So there’s THAT as a wild Forbidden Door only-in-1997 match!

Then it’s over to 1980s WWF as Jimmy Snuka and his storyline cousin the Tonga Kid take on The Moondogs! Another indie match sees the S.A.T. face Matt Sydal & Alex Shelley in a match that’s part “indie-style stalling” and part “showcase the S.A.T.’s wild moves”! And finally, it’s JOSHI in Stampede Wrestling, as legendary Devil Masami takes on Mika Komatsu in a match that looks super-odd, as it completely uses the AJW style in a foreign territory, thus looking totally out of place (and at twice the pace of anything men’s wrestling was doing)!

IWA MID-SOUTH HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
CM PUNK (w/ Dave Prazak) vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. EDDIE GUERRERO:
(IWA Mid-South, 03/02/2002)
* By request, we get a one-time-only (uh, probably! Don’t quote me!) three-way dance between three all-time legends! CM Punk, IWA Mid-South Champion, takes on two lucha legends in Eddie & Rey. Eddie had been fired from WWE for drugs, but was on his way back. Rey had spent a couple years between WCW & WWE recovering and just doing stuff, and Punk was on his way up in the indies. Punk has no physique to speak of (even 22 years ago!) and has ugly bleached/red hair. He also has a mini-me with him with the same hair. Rey is in his dreadful “no-mask” look, still looking like a 14-year old boy except for the big steroid muscles. Speaking of on the gas, HOLY SHIT LOOK AT EDDIE GUERRERO! Okay it was no big mystery, as he was roided even in his New Japan days, but the huge veins in his shoulders and triangular torso are extremely obvious here. He comes down looking unpleasant and annoyed to be there like a good heel. Or like someone who is legitimately annoyed to be there. There’s MAYBE 100 people here. The announcer annoys me by calling Punk the “IWA Mid-South World Heavyweight Champion” like this podunk indie deserves World Title status. YES I KNOW THE TITLES AREN’T REAL SHUT UP IT MAKES THEM LOOK DESPERATE.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have found even MORE horrible indie matches for your approval, starting with the excellent Briscoe Brothers facing the “Hart Foundation”, which is lifelong fuckup Teddy Hart and future AEW washout and uber-flippy guy Jack Evans! Then it’s a spectacularly awful idea as THE WALL defends his Phoenix Championship Wrestling Title against WWF washout Gangrel as the two slobbily go about a classically “former top company talent in an indie match” bout.

Next up, it’s Rowdy Roddy Piper in the WWF as a peak heel, and he’s up against the Tonga Kid, then a scrawny young man out for REVENGE on behalf of his cousin Superfly Jimmy Snuka! Then I couldn’t find a Mona/Asya match I’d written down but managed to find Madusa vs. Asya, and it’s somehow even MORE stupid and needlessly convoluted than you could possibly imagine a WCW Thunder match could be! Finally, I check out more lucha libre, as I get a look at Atlantis as he takes on the heel Emilio Charles  Jr. in a couple matches! The first one disappointed me but I followed a link and found a better one!

THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (Jay & Mark Briscoe) vs. THE HART FOUNDATION (Teddy Hart & Jack Evans, w/ Mike Mendoza & Carmen):
(Jersey All Pro Wrestling, Jan. 23rd 2010)
* WOO! I finally found what I’m sure will be a flippy one! Maybe! I’ve only seen like 1-2 Briscoe tag matches, but Mark is super-entertaining in current AEW. Jack Evans is a dude I’d never heard of until I saw AEW, and I was like “He’ll be a great worker once he gets some experience and learns to sell more and flip less” until someone told me he was a twenty-year veteran, lol. Here, he looks like a small child or a fan who got lost and ended up on the entranceway- he is TINY. Teddy you know- a lifelong fuckup and total mess. Apparently according to the match notes here the Briscoes got noticed in JAPW before moving on to ROH, but periodically returned. This is actually PACKED for an indie, and Hart/Evans are babyfaces. Teddy cuts a profanity-laced promo that basically shits on Ring of Honor for “dropping the ball” on this match, just spamming out F-bombs in lieu of real stuff to say like he’s Shane Douglas or something. Then he declares his “my dream match” and goes to hug the Briscoes like a total dweebus- haha man, they were doing the “I’ve always wanted to wrestle you” angles back then, too? Teddy’s in white/red shorts, Evans is in black/white baggy pants, and the Briscoes are in black shorts. Mark has more hair- Jay has the ’00s douchebag chin goatee.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Today, I finally get to one I’ve been meaning to cover for months- Rob Van Dam and Sabu in ALL JAPAN, taking on all-time legend Stan Hansen with Takao Omori as his partner! I mean, RVD & Sabu working their ECW spots with Stan in the “King’s Road” company is pretty frickin’ nuts. It’s also a great look at the “All Japan TV Style” I’ve seen many times before.

Then it’s over to the “Super Indie Championship” tournament as AJ Styles takes on CM Punk in the first round! See two of the biggest indie/ROH legends of the era in some high school gym! Then over to WCW as Jamie Noble & Evan Karagias play “arguing tag team partners” as they take on the super-rookie duo of Mark Jindrak & Sean O’Haire! Come watch poor Noble have to thread these hopeless idiots into a good TV match if it kills him. Then it’s the laziest indie match you’ll EVER SEE, as the Road Warriors fight in an embarrassingly tiny ballroom against indie nothings Da Hit Squad in 2001, with some of the weirdest, most unprofessional selling I’ve ever seen from Hawk. Finally, more indie nonsense as Quiet Storm of “Early TNA” fame takes on current WWE referee Bandido Jr. in a horrifically-bad too-long indie disaster where the highlight is the big deer head in the VFW hall where they’re wrestling.

ROB VAN DAM & SABU vs. STAN HANSEN & TAKAO OMORI:
(All Japan, Jan. 20th 1997)
* Oh sure, why not? ROB VAN DAM AND SABU doing a run in All Japan of all places. Rob actually wrestled there back in his early days, saying that Giant Baba was the inspiration for his trademark airbrushed gear- Baba told him that he should try to get something to make him stand out. That they’re taking on one of the all-time legends is just icing on the cake here, but AJPW was actually really good at getting weirdo dream matches, as their thing was bringing guys in for a tour or two to fill up the midcard. I’m unfamiliar with Omori, but he has that “generic black trunks” look. Jumbo-sized ears, though. Rob’s in the “brick wall” singlet and Sabu’s in yellow.

Hey all! Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have a TRULY wild assortment, leading off with the craziest 1983 match possible- “ROWDY” RODDY PIPER in All Japan as he teams with Dick Slater to face Giant Baba and Jumbo Tsuruta! Three of the all-time legends and huge stars in Jumbo/Piper/Baba, with some very NWA-style offense by Roddy, who’s unable to use his mouth to get him maximum heat in a foreign country.

Then I found an indie match that couldn’t POSSIBLY be good, as X-Pac faces WCW’s Evan Karagias in a godforsaken high school gym in **2006** with a fat, bloated Scott Hall as his second! Then it’s a crazy Lucha Trios Match as Norman Smiley, Negro Casas & Pirata Morgan team up to face Love Machine Art Barr, Ultimo Dragon & El Vampiro! And finally, I went looking for more Indie stuff on that X-Pac/Karagias channel and found Teddy Hart vs. The Amazing Red from 2004 Jersey All-Pro Wrestling!

NWA INTERNATIONAL TAG TEAM TITLES:
GIANT BABA & JUMBO TSURUTA vs. “ROWDY” RODDY PIPER & DICK SLATER:
(All Japan, 6/3/83)
* I’m sorry, WHAT? PIPER vs. JUMBO!?! With Slater & Baba in it, too? This is freaking nuts! I know almost everyone did an All Japan tour at some point back in the day (Baba had some deep pockets, I think), but seeing stuff like Piper a few years before he peaked and Slater of all people as his partner against the two big All Japan legends? It’s so wild! Piper’s in his kilt and a red shirt and I just realized I was thinking Slater was Murdoch but no- this is that weird WCW undercard dork but way back in the day. Piper in Japan will be interesting, because the language barrier takes away his greatest advantage (his promos)- notably, SLATER gets a bigger reaction. Turn out Roddy had only been in the country for two weeks- no way did the fans know him. He kisses one of the tag belts in the prelude. Jumbo’s in black & Baba’s in red, and even in 1983 Baba looks like  he’s dead. Slater’s trunks are dark red, and Piper has these boss green ones.

A rare shot of Ted DiBiase as the WWF World Champion.

WWF BOSTON GARDENS (Feb. 6th 1988):
* So I found a whole-ass Boston Gardens show on YouTube and my god LOOK AT THIS CARD! Hulk Hogan & Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Andre the Giant & Ted DiBiase! The British Bulldogs vs. The Islanders! LEAPING LANNY POFFO vs. TERRY GIBBS! What a supercard! But seriously, this is a fascinating combination of “Total Garbage Dump” mixed with Hogan in an A-tier main event, which seems like how they did the “A-Show” tours (B-Shows were headlined by the IC Title as often as not, I think). This also gives us George Steele in his later years against the One Man Gang, Ricky Steamboat against Dino Bravo, Sam Houston vs. Iron Mike Sharpe, Dangerous Danny Davis vs. Brady Boone and The Rougeau Brothers vs. Barry Horowitz & Steve Lombardi! Yes, they air THREE JOBBER MATCHES before the Hogan match.

Our hosts are Lord Alfred Hayes & Craig DeGeorge.

LEAPING LANNY POFFO vs. TERRY GIBBS:
* Lanny, in blue trunks, sucks up to the Boston fans and bemoans that they want to tear down the Garden before throwing frisbees into the ring. He’s barely a Jobber To The Stars at this point, Gibbs being just a jobber. He’s got an ’80s mullet but looks like the friend’s dad you were always scared of, just a scowling ugly barrel-shaped dude.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I end my Von Erich NWA Title Trifecta with Ric Flair vs. KEVIN Von Erich, as the oldest Von Erich boy uses his wildman fighting style to get a different sort of match out of the travelling champion! How will that dastardly Flair get out this time? Come and see!

Next up, it’s the Can-Am Connection vs. Islanders feud continued on with Rick Martel’s NEW team, as Strike Force takes on the Islanders in fall 1987! Then it’s a highly-recommended Jacob Fatu match, as it’s Title vs. Title- the MLW Champion Jacob Fatu faces National Openweight Champion Alex Hammerstone in Major League Wrestling’s biggest match ever in 2021! Finally, it’s more of Norman Smiley in Mexico, as “Black Magic” teams up with Mano Negra against the short, obese HEADHUNTERS in lucha!

NWA WORLD TITLE:
RIC FLAIR vs. KEVIN VON ERICH:
(WCCW, 04/01/1983)
* It’s Flair vs. Von Erich again! But now it’s KEVIN! Ric has barely eked out wins over Kerry & David by this point, and now it’s time for barefoot wildman Kevin to try and get revenge! And he’s coming out to “Stranglehold” by Ted Nugent! And he’s the American Heavyweight Champion. Man the cheers for Kevin are HIGH in pitch, I tell you. I must have seen him in the WCCW set WWE released, but I don’t recall and have no idea what he’s like in-ring.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I decided to look at the ACTUAL Jacob Fatu, not just his dad! Seeing as how he’s the hot new thing, I wanted to see more of his past stuff. I was given three of his “best matches” to choose from, and this was the only one where I’d actually heard of the opponent, so here it is first! It’s Jacob Fatu, current WWE Bloodline enforcer, vs. the former La Parka, now called L.A. Park! Next up, it’s another David Von Erich match, as zbinks linked me to him vs. Flair AND Harley Race- here, it’s 1977 and Race faces the “Rookie of the Year” in his new career as a wrestler, working overtime to put the young kid over and make him look like he has a chance!

Finally it’s more of the “Current Bloodline Stars’ Dads” as we get Sika again teaming up with Kamala, this time facing the Young Stallions, Paul Roma & Jim Powers, in the battle of the lowest ranked tag teams in 1987 WWF! Then it’s the Islanders, Haku & Tama, in a babyface vs. babyface match against the Can-Am Connection, Rick Martel & Tom Zenk! Babyface vs. Babyface was ultra-rare on WWF TV, and usually the sign of something being up- I WONDER WHAT IT COULD BE?!

NO DISQUALIFICATIONS:
MLW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
JACOB FATU (w/ Joseph Samael) vs. L.A. PARK (w/ Selena Delarenta):
(Major League Wrestling, Nov. 2nd 2019)
* Yes, I decided to check out what WWE new hire Jacob Fatu was doing back in his earlier years! And of the three matches said to be his best by the BOD, this one featured a guy I’ve actually heard of as his opponent so I’m going with this one. It’s WCW’s La Parker, no longer the World’s Fattest Cruiserweight but a huge lucha legend and big-guy brawler. Jacob at this point is a semi-short, very rotund guy billed at 300 lbs., sporting a huge solid gut and man-boobs- a far cry from his current self. L.A. Park says something in Spanish, adding “puta!”, which of course is one word most English speakers learned, lol. You can tell wrestlers have shrunk a lot when the guy who was almost believable as a WCW Cruiserweight is about the same size as WWE’s current new monster heel.

LOS THUNDERCATS.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And I have a TRUE atrocity for you today, as someone clued me in to more Monterrey, Mexico Indie Sleaze, as a team of guys dressed as the THUNDERCATS are masked heels and take on Trio Fantasia- three guys decked out to appeal to children as Pinocchio, a Doll/Clown, and MIGHTY MOUSE! So yes, it’s Thundercats fighting Mighty Mouse in not one, but TWO matches- a long Trios Match and then a Masks vs. Masks match to pay off their feud. It doesn’t get much more “outlaw mudshow” than THIS.

Next up it’s a look at the fathers of two current WWE superstars in the “Bloodline” angle as I take a look at both Sika and the Tonga Kid. Sika teams up with Kamala to face the Can-Am Connection shortly after WrestleMania III as a Wrestling Challenge main event, then it’s The Tonga Kid vs. The Masked Superstar! Tama vs. Ax! Finally, it’s one last look at Rusty Brooks and Jumbo Baretta in GWA, as they take on some truly amazing doughy jobbers!

MONTERREY TRIOS TITLES:
LOS THUNDERCATS (Lion-O, Panthro & Tigra) vs. TRIO FANTASIA (Super Muneco, Super Raton & Super Pinocho):
(Monterrey, Mexico, Dec. 8th 1991)
* Oh yeah, that’s right. LOS THUNDERCATS. So Monterrey was apparently always this den of Indie Sleaze and guys ripping off stuff from other media and naming wrestlers after it, so we have “Los Thundercats”, this being three guys in cheap Thundercats uniforms, complete with masks. At least they have the full bodysuits on, making everyone recognizable. Lion-O’s the biggest one and not Panthro, and Tigra has leopard print, but baby-steps. Trio Fantasia are a trio of children’s fiction-themed guys (I initially assumed Disney because of the name and the Mouse & Pinocchio, but it just means “Fantasy Trio”)- “Super Doll”, “Super Mouse” and “Super Pinocchio”, more or less. Super Raton looks like one of those horrifying Mickey Mouses seen at Disneyland in the 1950s, with the misshapen head fit too tightly around the face. Though actually he’s more obviously a Mighty Mouse rip-off, with red trunks over a yellow bodysuit. Pinocho looks like he’s in some kind of horrifying gimp-suit with a yellow shirt and suspenders. Muneco is just a generic clown design. Their whole concept is I guess to be child-friendly while dressing like the stuff of nightmares.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have something I’ve been meaning to check out for a while- after all the Von Erich stuff based around The Iron Claw coming out, I was meaning to take a look at David Von Erich in particular, as I’d never seen any of his work… and now I find an NWA Title shot against Ric Flair from 1982! Come see just how good Ric was in his PRIME! You think he was good in the ’90s, watch him when he was younger and fitter!

Next up, it’s a classic lucha “WTF?” match as King Haku, Chris Benoit & Vampiro take on Norman Smiley, Pierroth Jr. & Mocha Cota! Then it’s a sequel to last week’s column with Boris Malenko avenging his injured son Dean at the hands of dastardly heels Rusty Brooks & Jumbo Baretta, with Boris teaming with son Joe against the rotund heels! Finally, it’s a true superstar match as Curt Hennig & Barry Windham team up on WCW Saturday Night to take on the legendary duo of Disorderly Conduct! Read on!

NWA WORLD TITLE:
RIC FLAIR vs. DAVID VON ERICH:
(WCCW Star Wars, 10/11/82)
* I asked around for matches of David Von Erich, a wrestler I’ve never seen perform, and “zbinks” was good enough to share! Flair is in a glistening red robe, and is coming out to… the Star Wars theme? Haha nice. That was a current batch of films back then! David… also comes out to the same theme. Okay then! The commentary says Flair paid some heels to injure Kerry, David’s little brother at the “Star Wars” show (oh, that explains the theme). David, a TALL, lanky Texas boy, comes out in a black cowboy hat. Wow I didn’t realize he was so thin. Flair’s in red trunks & David’s in black.

Flair of course annoys David to start, just standing there casually and puts his foot in the ropes so David can’t do anything. Another rope-break and then Flair grabs a headlock, David repeatedly forcing him into a pin with his “raw strength” while Flair shouts “Watch the tights, dammit!” to the ref to establish that he’s making shit up- no VON ERICH would cheat! David pops his hips to fight up, then gives Flair a high knee after a rope-run and grabs a headlock of his own! This lasts exactly one minute, Flair repeatedly going for pins, then ends up in a standing headlock after losing a test of strength, thus establishing early superiority for David. Flair has a band-aid peeling off of his arm- gross. Every time Flair gets out he ends up right back in it, and when he FINALLY gets a rope-break, he ends up shoulder-first into the corner and now he’s in an armlock! Flair howls in anger & pain as David mostly sits there, and makes sure to move every 20-30 seconds or so- thus making it look less “resthold”-y. Flair chops out but David won’t release and stuffs him with a hammerlock- Flair gets out with the tights & chops, but after some shoulderblocks charges right back into it! Flair finally hits the corner for a comeback, and David’s good at the “swing an arm to sell the impact then stumble” sell. But he fights back and reverses to another hammerlock, then half-nelsons Flair into a pin repeatedly, but when Flair fights out, they bash each other around but Ric fakes him out with a drop-down, then pops up and tosses him!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time my “Guys breaking copywrite law in impossibly shitty matches” run continues with LOS TELETUBBIES, a quartet of guys in Teletubby costumes doing lucha libre in Monterrey, Mexico, which is apparently a den of copywrite-infringement gimmicks in a display of amazing INDIE SLEAZE! Teletubbies I-III take on Apolo Chino, Red Flamer & Dark Side in a Trios Match!

Then it’s another match from Kowabunga the Ninja Turtle in Memphis, as he faces jobber Keith Eric! Following that, a “proper” match as the one-time Super Duper Mario, Rusty Brooks, teams with fellow obesitron Jumbo Baretta to take on the Florida Tag Champions Joe & Dean Malenko in 1986 GWA! Come see that legendary Malenko charisma as they make the fat guys bounce around for them! Then it’s a short Ron Simmons vs. Mr. Hughes match on WCW Worldwide in 1991, the day before Halloween Havoc, and then I end things with some EUROVISION! Because I was looking for something else and instead found PCO/Carl Ouellet in England of all places as part of “Double Trouble”, a heel duo beating two hapless rookies, Gary Welsh and The Young Wiganer (no, really). Come see some amazing jobber abuse!

LOS TELETUBBIES (Teletubbie I-III, aka Dipsy, Po & Tinky-Winky, w/ Laa-Laa) vs. APOLO CHINO, RED FLAMER & DARK SIDE:
(Monterrey, Mexico)
* Fuckin’ lucha, lol. I post about “Kowabunga the Ninja Turtle” and someone tells me about “Los Teletubbies” and I just had to. So it’s a quartet of luchadores in really bad, bottom-heavy Teletubbies outfits, coming out to Midnight Oil’s “Beds Are Burning”. You know, like the Teletubbies did! I have no idea who anyone on either side is. Los Teletubbies are apparently based out of Monterrey, and eventually all of them lost their masks to other copywrite violation wrestlers like Ricochet (not that one), La Pulga, Mucha Lucha & Burrito (Donkey from Shrek). Red Flamer has a one-page Luchawiki bio and a blue & red outfit & mask. Looking up “Dark Side” in any wrestling context just gives you the TV show, but he’s got a black outfit & mask. Chino is maskless. Chino’s LuchaWiki bio says “Veteran worker who somehow caught on with CMLL for a short run in 1998 which led to him dropping his mask to Rencor Latino. The unmasking was pretty anti-climactic as Chino was laughing during the entire thing and that could possibly be the reason why he never worked in CMLL rings again.” As everyone knows, Dipsy is green, Laa-Laa yellow, Po red and Tinky-Winky purple. They’re actually Teletubbie I-III here but I refuse to look up which is which. Laa-Laa is on the floor.

Oh yes, by popular demand, it’s the OTHER most notable horrible indie ripoff gimmick, as KOWABUNGA THE NINJA TURTLE debuts in Memphis and works early-card matches against losers and dweebs while dressed in a Ninja Turtle Halloween costume and everyone has to act like “Wow, I thought you were an idiot, but you can really wrestle!”. Come watch him against future “jailed for CP” asshole dork Ken Wayne, then teams up with an impressed Wayne so they can take on THE TWILIGHT ZONE! A pair of masked jobbers, one of whom is Brian Christopher (you can tell by the way he wastes time in the ring).

But that’s not all! I also found more of Ron Simmons in WCW, as he teams up with Big Josh (Doink the Clown) against a suit-wearing duo of Mr. Hughes and Vinnie Vegas! Come watch Kevin Nash learn to work as he bumps unnaturally big for such a huge dude. Then it’s over to ECW, as we get a HORRENDOUS match where poor Nova has to try his best and have a decent match with the useless Chris Chetti in a Loser Leaves ECW Match! You know a match is bad when it looks like “Wrestling’s Secrets Revealed” by the way one guy has to push and pull the other around the ring to try and accomplish any of the moves! And finally, it’s a disastrous WCW Pro match featuring Johnny Swinger vs. Tokyo Magnum, as the Ultimo Dragon trainee makes me die inside with a horrible botched move that Swinger even tries to sell!

KOWABUNGA THE NINJA TURTLE vs. “THE NIGHTMARE” KEN WAYNE:
(USWA, 1990)
* Kowabunga was brought to my attention, and indeed it’s a Memphis act where a guy bought a cheap Ninja Turtle Halloween costume and began wrestling in it. At least the commentators admit he’s openly just inspired by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He’s wearing a bright green-skinned Turtle outfit akin to Leonardo, but with a black bandana, belt & pads around the joints, making him a non-denominational Turtle. I’ll say the mask is better than what Duane Gill & Barry Hardy used as the Toxic Turtles in the WWF one-off- it actually looks like a real TMNT outfit. Under the suit is apparently Chris Champion (Yoshi Kwan in WCW), who I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. Ken Wayne comes out with a bikini-clad woman who’s about 20 years too old for him judging by his Wikipedia page. He has a blond mullet, a dad-bod, bad facial hair, red facepaint for some reason, and red tights. A good “forgettable Southern wrestler” look. He’s the USWA Jr. Heavyweight Champion, but I guess this is non-title (Kowabunga’s shell probably puts him out of the weight class).

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have some INCREDIBLE finds for you- TWO DIFFERENT WRESTLERS doing shameless “Super Mario” gimmicks in the indies! Starting off with Rusty Brooks in a cheap costume squashing a jobber in ICW, then leading to Super Mario in the USWA facing the future Maestro, Gorgeous George III! And then I found Super Mario squashing some guy called “The Hawk”!

After that it’s another Haas Brothers dark match, as Charlie & Russ take on the Dupps- Jack and Bo! Come see Charlie mis-time a suplex and nearly kill Jack! And finally, it’s a UWFI match from Japan, as Big Van Vader takes on fellow big boy Gary Albright in a FAT MAN STAND-OFF using worked shootstyle!

SUPER DUPER MARIO vs. JOSE VASQUEZ:
(ICW, probably 1990)
* It’s more of Rusty Brooks! Once someone told me he was called “Super Duper Mario” I knew I had to seek this out. It’s the most podunk of sleazy indie gimmicks possible- just trotting a fat guy out in a red shirt & blue overalls to Nintendo music and have fans greet him like he’s a mascot or something when it’s totally unlicensed nonsense, haha. This is from ICW, an indie with a very storied, remarkable history. None of which I know, so hopefully someone in the comments can sound off. Extra points for Brooks going with a super-exaggerated Italian accent and… wait, why is his cap blue? Did he base his entire look off the first Nintendo Power cover? He love how the cap is just gigantic and way too tall- like they had to find a blue cap and could only find one at the store. And he comes down to the ring with a hammer. Well… I mean Mario used one in Donkey Kong. He says “Ah-THPTHTPTPT” to the Boston Creampuff, which I assume is the nickname for someone he dislikes. Valsquez is a jobber in red trunks, looking generic and dad-bod ish.

Well surely WCW’s push of Ron Simmons to the World Title created a longtime main event success! … right?

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a legitimate big-name match for you, as it’s the famous match where WCW midcarder Ron Simmons gets an underdog shot against monster heel World Champion Big Van Vader! This is actually maybe the very first WCW match I ever saw, and to show you it was effective, even I was buying it by match’s end, for a challenger I’d never heard of!

Next up, it’s a match Jim Cornette has talked about on his podcast as Bob Backlund brought up in his autobiography, where Canadian kid with a “trick shoulder” Rick Bolton is called in to do the  job to George “The Animal” Steele and put him over as a monster, leaving the “poor young man” with his arm sickly jolting out at his side! Amazing carney spectacle with this one, even for a basic squash. Next up, I find a true “Only at this moment in time” match with Nova teaming up with Chris Chetti in a WWF dark match against the Haas Brothers, Russ & Charlie! That very brief period where those dudes were in OVW, Russ was still alive, and friggin’ Chetti was still trying to make it work. And finally, it’s three matches in a row of Lex Luger taking on Maxx (aka Maxx Muscle) in increasingly-short, increasingly one-sided matches in WCW!

WCW WORLD TITLE:
BIG VAN VADER (w/ Harley Race) vs. RON SIMMONS:
(WCW, Aug. 2nd 1992)
* So to set the stage, this is circa SummerSlam for the WWF, where Savage fought Warrior and Bret took on Davey-Boy. I wasn’t a WCW fan (the previous year, Ric Flair showed up on WWF TV and I was like “Who is this old guy and why does he have his own belt?”), and would only occasionally catch a glimpse of their TV show, as I didn’t know when it was on and since it was the “lame” one I didn’t care as much anyways. I was at least aware of Vader’s existence, possibly because of the WCW comic that Marvel Comics was releasing at the time. So one day I just randomly find their TV and see Vader going up against this dude I’ve never heard of, in what looks like a pretty basic “Monster Champ vs. Midcarder” match. The idea is that Sting was set to challenge longtime enemy Vader, but was injured by that dastardly Jake Roberts, and so the fans “who paid to see a Title match” get an alternate instead. Vader’s in black and Simmons, at that point mostly a tag wrestler, has purple tights.