The Pitbulls vs. The Forgotten Dudley Boyz (and other Dream Matches!)

lol the stereotypical nerd on the bottom left. He’s also the only one not smiling and laughing and looks legitimately worried. I’m DYING at this, hahaha.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have something inspired by recent Scott Keith reviews and comments- incredibly off-putting jokes about a black wrestler’s family, and suspiciously high AEW match ratings! er, wait- I mean a match brought up where jobber Death Row starts to take liberties with Mike Rotunda and gets the absolute dog-piss beaten out of him! Come see just what happens when a big loser tries to take on a surprisingly great amateur wrestler! Then it’s more of the Dudley Boyz’s early days in ECW, as I believe they have their first match in the promotion against the Pitbulls, as Dudley Dudley & Little Snot Dudley take on the roidy monsters while the Stevie Richards drama takes center stage for most of the match!

Then it’s over to the NWA, where the babyface Midnight Express takes on the Samoan Swat Team, Samu & Fatu! Then it’s WWF Jakked, as Eddie Guerrero and his Mamacita, Chyna, face Kaientai: Taka Michinoku & Funaki! And finally, a look at the tail end of Big Bully Busick’s short WWF career, as he takes on the Brooklyn Brawler!

THE PITBULLS (Pitbull #1 & Pitbull #2, w/ Raven, Stevie Richards & Beaulah McGillicutty) vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ (Dudley Dudley & Little Snot Dudley, w/ Big Dick Dudley):
(ECW Hardcore Heaven, 01/07/1995)
* So Stevie Richards promptly makes nearly everything about himself, raising his ECW Tag Title around and dancing to the crowd. The Dudleyz are a brand-new team at this point, Joey suggesting “this is the first AND the last time we’ll be seeing this team” as the Pitbulls are expected to murder them. This is the original incarnation of the squad, as it’s Dudley and Little Snot. Dudley was talked about last week, but Little Snot, who is noticeably taller than either Pitbull, is a Weird Al-looking guy with no facial hair. He’s indie dweeb Al Michaels, who got hurt after a very short time in a jet ski accident and missed out all the rest of the Dudley run, being replaced by Chubby Dudley. He wrestled for a REALLY long time afterwards- I’ve seen stuff from the 2000s which is decidedly still not very good. Not that the Pitbulls, the “short guys at the gym who roid out to compensate” of tag team wrestling, are any better.

Pitbull 1 easily beats down Little Snot, then clotheslines him out of the corner after a whip is reversed. Pitbull 2 gets a running powerslam and dropkick as they keep doing the “move & taunt”. Pitbull 1 does more generic beatings and seems to tease RVD with his “lock up the arm and throw a diagonal kick”, followed by a faux martial arts pose, but Stevie has now got the entire hard cam crowd on his case with taunting and reacting to chants. At least this appears to be part of his character, as even Styles notes that it’s got to annoy the Pitbulls that he’s doing this during their match. Snot’s whipped over to Dudley Dudley, who actually dominates Pitbull 2 with forearms and a big running clothesline, then powerslams him to tag in Snot, who misses an elbow, still selling the prior beating. I question DD’s strategy. Snot gets dumped and hit with a chair a few times and Pitbull 2 hits a slingshot shoulderblock as the then-unnamed Francine shows up as Stevie’s admirer, getting an open-mouthed kiss until Beulah takes exception and we get a hairpulling catfight in the stands while the fans lose it (lol the nerd right beside them looks EXACTLY like the Robot Chicken nerd design). Raven gets annoyed and drags both Beulah & Stevie off by the hair as the match is just a backdrop for this. Dudley is doing the worst selling I’ve ever seen in my life on the apron, responding to being beaten on by casually crouching down on one knee then walking away like nothing happened. The Pitbulls finish Little Snot with the Superbomb… but Dudley comes off the top with an axehandle and oh my god they’re doing THAT finish? Little Snot is put on top for the pin at (5:53), the Dudley Boyz stealing one as the other Pitbull is distracted!

hahahah what a weird match. Dudley Dudley comes off like the worst wrestler ever at points, as he gobbles up a Pitbull on offense and then tags out before he has to sell, letting Little Snot do it, then barely sells when he IS hit. And they they run an angle around the match with Stevie distracting the fans for a good half of it, and then do the “flying axehandle” finish, which is insanity when the match was a 100% SQUASH up until that point, with almost zero damage having been done to the Pitbulls. Like, Pitbull 2 had only been hit a few times six minutes earlier in the match and a single move knocks him out enough for the pin? The Pitbulls at least seemed like they knew how to wrestle, albeit not keep a match interesting or unique, and Little Snot appeared to be trying to bump, though he was no good and moved very stiffly all through the match.

Rating: * (just some nonsense and random “move then taunt” against a backdrop of all the Richards ga-ga)

Seriously, though- look at the nerd at the top and this.

The illustrious “Death Row”, a jobber decked out like a guy from prison out on release.

CAPTAIN MIKE ROTUNDA vs. DEATH ROW:
(NWA Pro, Oct. 27th 1990)
* Someone mentioned this match in response to Scott Keith’s review of a Luger/Death Row match in which Lex looked pissed after eating a stiff shot from the job guy, and hoo boy. Before you suggest NWA is racist for putting a black man in a prison uniform and calling him “Death Row”, this is apparently a name he was using on the indies earlier in 1990, and kept using until 1995 according to CageMatch, so it might be his own idea. He’s in his first year in the business here, and billed at 399 lbs., which is obviously ridiculous- while he’s clearly fat, he’s not close to “Bastian Booger/Typhoon” size at all. Rotunda looks doughy and unimpressive in blue trunks, while Death Row’s in a prison jumpsuit with maybe the worst hair I’ve ever seen in wrestling- just a curly strip on the back of his neck.

Death Row shoves Rotunda off to start, then slaps on a headlock that immediately has Mike slapping him on the back, probably an indication to loosen it up. They run an International for a bit, Death Row knocking him over and then getting hiptossed- he’s obviously a stiff right away, running poorly and making awkward movements (check his “bump” here where it looks like he’s been hit by a cattle prod while wearing roller skates). Death Row stumbles on his way up and eats a dropkick, still obviously working the match, but throws two overhand chops in the corner, getting a good bit of offense (someone, possibly Mike, goes “Woah!”) and then… Death Row whips him to the other corner and just turns sideways for no apparent reason (was he expecting Mike to just go in for a hiptoss?) and dives in, causing the two to slug it out and finally Rotunda just goes behind him and GERMANS him down, then hits a rear mount and grinds the absolute shit out of a crossface on him. Ooooooooooooh that guy was definitely trying too much for a jobber and Mike’s teaching him a lesson. Check him pinching in the guy’s legs with his own and then hitting a wide stance so he can’t break free.

Mike finally lets him roll onto his belly, then stuffs him face-first to the mat before letting him up in a regular-old armhold and they start working again, Death Row whipping him to the corner and charging in for a very soft avalanche. But he starts throwing stiff overhand shots to the back of the neck and Mike quits selling and starts popping him with worked stomp-punches and then… uh-oh. He puts on a basic “wrestling armhold” but then just pulls him in for a DECIDEDLY non-worked hammerlock (you rarely see pro wrestlers use the grip over the elbow with the opposing arm to REALLY wrench the shoulder), then nastily takes him down with a single-leg. Death Row hollers in pain as Mike starts twisting his OTHER arm this time, and from his belly Death Row fires off a shoot elbow that wings Rotunda, who responds with a punch straight to the face (making a huge “CRACK!”). Mike finally rolls him onto his back pins him cross-body at (2:52), leaving in disgust after his hand is raised as the fat slob rolls out of the ring with his pants hanging off his ass and quickly follows him, limping. haha this was all amazing.

The story goes he tried to take Rotunda on AGAIN but the other wrestlers stood between them and put a stop to it. Jim Ross, trying to remember this incident and make sense of it, suggested that Death Row is one of many dudes “who mistook KINDNESS for WEAKNESS”. Rotunda, a famously nice guy apparently, was probably soft-spoken enough that people wouldn’t think he could whup on them. Death Row, perhaps unsurprisingly, was done for the year after this one, but surprisingly pops up in WCW in 1992 & 1993, near as I can tell, so he didn’t get blackballed entirely. It looks like what happens here is he’s working WAY too stiff and Mike gives him some warnings, then receipts, perhaps reminding him “I can do this for real, you know”, but instead of learning his lesson (despite working softer a bit, like with that avalanche) Death Row suddenly decides to throw hard overhands to the neck (not PUNCHES but still painful and like… targeting the neck) and do way too much for a jobber (a jobber trying to gobble up offense on a legitimate star is basically challenging him to a fight- it is NOT their place to do that shit), and so Mike just shoots him down to the ground, responds to an elbow with a BIG punch, and then shoots him over.

But this was WILD and totally fascinating to watch- Rotunda just takes this big fat loser apart and whups him, grinding him out on the mat. And like… it’s an INTERESTING MIKE ROTUNDA MATCH! Unique spots, painful-looking holds and more- it was fun to watch! So it turns out the secret to making Mike Rotunda interesting is to have him beat guys up for real! Looks like every promoter booking him should have just told his opponents to all shoot on him, so Mike can just take them apart in a cool way.

Rating: 1/2* (actually a fun “squash” because it’s just a guy getting stretched to hell despite being big and fat)

THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (Sweet Stan Lane & Beautiful Bobby Eaton, w/ Jim Cornette) vs. THE SAMOAN SWAT TEAM (Samu & Fatu, w/ Paul E. Dangerously):
(NWA Main Event, March 26th 1989)
* Oh man, BABYFACE Midnights. Never seen that before. They’re in bright-ass yellow (Stan in trunks and Bobby in tights), while the SST are in black. Paul is skinny but his hairline is fleeing in terror of his face and he has a simply hideous mullet to match Eaton’s. Cornette calls out Paul E. beforehand, with Jim Ross snarking on commentary how “Not what you’d call two, uh… classic athletic frames there”, joking about Paul’s hairline and Cornette consuming only pizza and Pepsi.

The SST attack before the bell, but the Midnights come back with punches, a do-si-do, and more punches while the SST no-sell being rammed head-first into each other but get knocked to the floor. Lane wins a long International against Samu with his athleticism, then has the SST smack each other repeatedly by dodging them. Lane does white boy karate and drop-toeholds Fatu into Bobby’s elbowdrop and they continue double-teaming until Fatu awkwardly makes a comeback (intercepting Stan’s own kick with his own from the same side) and Samu comes in with the typical Samoan chop/kick/dropkick stuff. Side slam & powerslam get two-counts while Ross points out their martial arts background but lack of amateur wrestling owing to not hooking the leg. Fatu misses a Bret elbow to set off the Bobby hot-tag (lol check Fatu just walking to the apron and ignoring getting punched) and Paul E. jumps on the apron so CORNETTE decks him in a highlight to the fans. Paul makes a call on his omnipresent cell phone to Jack Victory, who stands around and distracts Bobby so he eats a reverse crescent kick from Samu (not quite the same without Monsoon to always mark out over that move). Facecrusher sets up Fatu’s flying thing, then they do the “walk and stomp” thing for a while until Samu goes into the post and Stan fires up more WHITE GUY KARATE, the heels bumping around for him until he butts their heads together and gets murdered for it, rolling backwards on the sell. Stan gets a double-DDT when the SST put their heads down, popping the fans, but Victory trips him up when everyone hits the ring- Lane dodges a headbutt, but Paul leaves his cellphone in the ring and both MX get clobbered with it for the pin at (11:49).

A pretty basic lazy TV match, showing the awkwardness of the MX’s babyface run (a lot of their spots are better for heels, like Stan using laughable “karate” that would get jeered out of the arena today), with the SST not really acting like they wanted to work hard. The SST looked pretty new- hesitant, herky-jerky and weird at points. Like the double-team going wrong sees Fatu sort of throw a punch, seemingly change his mind, then throw the real one that hits Samu by accident. When he has to intercept Lane’s move, he’s leaning back in the ropes and throws a big kick awkwardly at Stan’s thigh/ass as he’s turned to throw his own kick. Probably should have waited to eat the kick and then responded, or at least not thrown from the same side Lane was throwing from. Fatu also seemed bad at other points- his nervehold was particularly rest-y, as he makes zero facial expressions or shows any physical effort, and when Bobby gets the hot tag and starts beating on him, Fatu just casually steps over the ropes and ignores it to stand there. Buddy is NOT in the mood to work tonight.

Rating: **1/4 (standard-issue television match- fine but not great)

EDDIE GUERRERO & CHYNA vs. KAIENTAI (Taka Michinoku & Funaki):
(WWF Jakked, June 17th 2000)
* It’s Eddie & Chyna during their popular team-up, and they’re up against the JTTS Kaientai on the D-show! Eddie & Taka are both top workrate guys of the ’90s, but I can’t recall ever seeing them wrestle- visually they’re almost the same size, which is funny because I always imagine Eddie as bigger.

Eddie & Taka do a rapid-fire lucha sequence ending in a whirling backbreaker, and Funaki gets drop-toeholded and IN COMES CHYNA, who is massively over… according to the canned heat, but I don’t see many fans move, haha. Eddie sets up her back elbow and she does a delayed suplex, then her reliable forearms (her only move that looked good) and slowwwwly does a “flip” over the corner to tag in Eddie for his slingshot senton after clotheslining Funaki. Taka cheats to take over, and they do the standard Japan heel spot of holding someone for a dropkick and celebrate like goobers afterwards. They keep up the heel beats, but Eddie actually swings out of the “Eddie Bump” into a rana on Funaki (SLICK!). Taka charges Eddie and pops Chyna one, signaling the Michinoku Driver but moves “too far back” allowing Chyna to pull Eddie down and backdrop Funaki to the floor. And then Eddie whips Chyna over to Funaki for her cartwheel handspring elbow in the corner and she puts him up top, holding Eddie’s hand so he can do a run-up Super Frankensteiner for the pin at (3:43). The announces almost never stopped talking about the King of the Ring angles of the day, only barely talking about the match.

Chyna matches are fascinating to watch, because they really show how good everybody else is. They’re all VERY aware she can only barely work and just has a couple decent-looking moves, so you see guys deliberately falling back into position more readily because they KNOW she’ll mess it up if they’re not on the A-game. I mean it kind of exposes the business I guess (see Taka holding Eddie for his finisher but backing up six feet for no reason so that Chyna can grab them), but it’s interesting to look at because you rarely see the strings so clearly than when she’s in the ring. Eddie even seems to be directing all her stuff when they do double-teams so she’s almost never left totally alone in there. The match is your usual Jakked/Heat fare- hot start by the good guys, quick comeback by the heels, then a babyface surge for the win.

Rating: ** (pretty much exactly as you’d expect a quick TV match to go- some good, quick moves from Eddie & Taka and Chyna didn’t otherwise stick out badly)

BIG BULLY BUSICK (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER:
(WWF TV, Oct. 28th 1991)
* Busick’s run in the WWF was fairly short (only about four months), and this would be maybe his last televised match after he got turned into a JTTS.

Of all things, they choose STALLING to start off this squash, shoving each other and going “You think you’re tough!?” repeatedly. Why would a man with a “bully” gimmick put up with that from a JOBBER? Brawler actually gets a headlock and resists Busick getting out of it (!), Monsoon & Lord Alfred making fun of his technique (“Brawler has the distinction of being a graduate of the Terry Garvin/Pat Patterson School of Wrestling” “Yes, it’s taught him to look behind himself there. Always keep an eye over his shoulder”). Brawler then scores a top wristlock, then ducks a shot and CLOTHESLINES Busick, who takes one of the worst bumps in history, just sorta awkwardly rolling around to make it as light a bump as possible, half-spinning even as the Brawler hits him. Monsoon even makes fun of the “glancing blow” and a swinging neckbreaker (“excecuted fairly well”) gets two, but Busick shoves him off. The Brawler keeps up with fighting dirty, countered by Busick’s own dirty fighting as the crowd is shockingly patient with this, and Busick flies into the corner with his knee, selling the damage. He limps to the floor, but catches the Brawler and shoves him into the guardrail and the timekeeper’s table, but on the apron the ref keeps counting them and Bully dumps Brawler in and gets Counted Out himself at (4:25). hahahaha he jobbed to the BROOKLYN BRAWLER.

Man, who told Busick to go out there, eat offense, and sell for the BROOKLYN BRAWLER and why did he agree to it? He was clearly on the outs at this point with no plan in place. But the match was an embarassment, too- terrible selling, weak brawling, cheating,and more. Then a finish like THAT. The “highlight” is the “lol guys in this company make jobbers sleep with them!” stuff from Monsoon & Hayes. Okay I laughed, but that’s terrible.

Rating: DUD (pretty much as bad as you can get in only 4.5 minutes)