The National Wrestling Conference: Sabu vs. Cactus Jack & Terry Funk vs. Virgil (and other Dream Matches!)

NATIONAL WRESTLING COUNCIL- TOTAL CHAOS- BEST OF THE NWC- Volume I:
(Late 1994)
* The NWC is one of a million goofy indies that popped up all over America in the 1990s, starting the usual mix- guys WWF no longer wanted mixed with future superstars. In this case, it’s dominated by a pair of Cactus Jack vs. Sabu matches, as both guys are making names for themselves in every indie you can think of (Cactus is between his WCW run and his ECW one, while Sabu is a tape trader’s dream at this point), featuring Sabu getting suplexed through a table in front of some old ladies. Then ends up with a Branding Iron Match between Terry Funk and VIRGIL, Terry doing his best to either carry the match or expose the business, and we end things with… the Powers of Pain vs. BOB BRADLEY & ROB VAN DAM!? Oh god I love these weirdo U.S. indies.

The NWC lasted only a short time, and was one of the first American indies to showcase hardcore wrestling, particularly that of Sabu & Cactus Jack. Its first bankruptcy came about due to a partnership with the Ultimate Warrior, who bailed on them. It reopened in 1996 but died two years later. It’s most notable for giving RVD his first prominent spot in wrestling, and for a Ku Klux Klan angle that led to Jim Neidhart and another guy “hanging” Virgil while wearing white robes. I don’t remember ANY of this stuff (nor Foley’s book talking about it), so I just checked Wikipedia for that, haha.

The tape already starts amazingly, via showing clips of the Ultimate Warrior’s workout video (shouldn’t that just be a list of nearby pharmacies?), then clips of Virgil and Honky Tonk Man matches, really going all-out to draw fans in. We also get clips of Jim Neidhart between WWF runs, Sabu legdropping a chair onto someone’s face, and the exact same image of the Las Vegas skyline on repeat over the “Y’all ready for this?” sports hype song.

The commentary team is the promotion’s owner TC Martin & Big Al Rizz (?), who sounds like John Candy mimicking a Chicago accent. TC hosts the opening, wearing a gaudy Vegas dealer’s vest over his shirt.

Cactus Jack deliberately moving Sabu over to a table full of old grannies and suplex him through their table.

DESERT DEATH MATCH (Falls Count Anywhere):
CACTUS JACK vs. SABU:
* So at this point in time, Cactus Jack was well-known from his WCW stint and wasn’t in ECW yet. Speaking of, Sabu was then an indie tape-trading legend and had been in ECW just a tad. Sabu of course comes down to… 1995 synth-dance-pop. Like he is famous for doing.

We’re immediately clipped to them brawling to the floor and Sabu chairing Cactus in the face, and hahahahahah Cactus walks over to the table with some OLD GRANNIES sitting at it and fucking suplexes Sabu right through it! He doesn’t even wait for the really short crippled one to get out of the way! The ref counts like he’s afraid of how gross the floor is, counting two. Cactus sandwiches Sabu with the table and beats on him with it, but Sabu makes the comeback and a resthold in the ring while the audio for the show completely repeats from the beginning (is that on the original tape?). He hits a boomerang senton using the LOOSE-ASS ring-ropes and gets a chairshot, then a bad takedown (lmao what was that? Cactus did a face bump instead of a snapmare one because Sabu tripped him) and misses his chair-legdrop thing. Things get just lazy & ugly as Cactus hits another chairshot and gets suplexed on the floor. Sabu gets the chair-legdrop out there, and Cactus tries to take a cane from an old man but he won’t let it go, ruining the spot. They brawl aimlessly for a while, Sabu hitting a somersault pescado and then they fight to the concession stand as the camera goes nuts.

Sabu sits Cactus on a chair on the floor and hits his tope suicida spot, but Cactus recovers first and suplexes a table onto him for two. Audio replays again as they fight OUTSIDE the hall, ending up by slot machines, through the hallways, etc.- this was old hat in joshi and stuff by this point but had to be pretty new to fans in the US. Back in, Double-Arm DDT & Cactus Clothesline hit! But he ends up in his distinctive “head tied in the ropes” position and Sabu vaults off a chair to land on his head! Sabu puts him through a table (carefully moving the table again because it’s way too far away)! But Cactus is up first and hits his Elbow off the Apron! After selling for ages, he barely gets two, and in the ring they fight a bunch and Cactus goes up (!) for a flying cannonball (!!!), eating shit on it. Sabu finally goes up, hangs there for ages while a badly hurt Cactus limps over and tries to get him, but Sabu hits him with a chair and a Bombay Jam assisted by the chair gives him the pin at (18:52 shown). Then Sabu shakes hands with Cactus and deliberately moonsaults through the table to the chanting fans.

Just a messy, sloppy match, using many of Sabu’s distinctive indie table & chair spots that made him a name, but it was just “spot to spot” with nothing much in between, not helped by dangerously loose ring ropes making them play it safe in-ring. Then they just do the lazy “walk & brawl” or chunks of it, going out into the casino floor and shit until hitting the signature spots for both guys, ending up with repeated instances of someone hitting a crazy move but the victim being the one to get up first. Some wild bumps, though- it was ugly and featured way too much of guys setting things up for half an hour, but they died for the fans’ pleasure, probably hoping this would end up on Tape Trader Comps for years (it probably did). That MIGHT justify murdering their bodies for what could not have been that much money. No psychology, transitions or skill required, but plenty of bumping, selling (one of the few times where both guys lying around selling death actually fit) and the fans watching live probably thought they’d seen the craziest fuckin’ match of their lives, so maybe it’s in the plus column anyways?

Rating: ** (just insane garbage all match long, with tons of stalling and open cooperation at points, but mehhhhhhhhh lots of bumping, signature spots and a big finish so whatever)

CAGE MATCH WITH WEAPONS:
CACTUS JACK vs. SABU:
* So yeah, Cactus cuts a promo that is a thousand times too good for this promotion about how crazy and fearsome this match is, and how he’s afraid of the match, and that he might be in a wheelchair but desperately wants to put Sabu out of wrestling (“But don’t worry- you won’t be out of a job… you can be my chauffeur! BANG BANG!”) and how American society is SICK to want to watch something like this, and then they get into a steel cage with a tables, a shovel, a big plastic garbage can, and other weapons.

They fight hesitantly and slowly to start, Cactus countering with a can. Both block shots into the cage and then Sabu BLASTS Cactus right in the head with a big piece of wood, Cactus coming back with a shovel. Sadly it falls before he can toss Sabu into it, but he nails him again and NOW Sabu goes into the cage. He starts bleeding, and then he tries a TOTALLY AWESOME SPOT where he leaps off the upturned garbage can to do an amazing springboard move… but he overshoots and just kills himself instead. So Cactus improvises and smashes a fluorescent light fixture over Sabu’s head and grinds a shard into his face. Sabu sets up a table and climbs up, Cactus grabbing him from behind while they stand perched on the top rope… and Mick reveals his insanity by flying backwards while holding Sabu, crashing through the table BACKWARDS in a top-rope bump. After selling a while, they climb up again and Sabu dropkicks him off the top rope so he lands balls-first on the rope.

Sabu bludgeons the hell out of him and is about to try his assisted legdrop using the table, but realizes it’s too big and gives up, pouting. Slingshot legdrop to a bleeding Cactus, then two shovel-shots to the back until Jack nutshots him on the second try. Cactus climbs, so Sabu BRUTALIZES him with shovel-shots to the legs, feet and hands. They’re about to hit a Super DDT (!!), but Cactus just drops to the mat and gets splashed instead. A corner table hits both guys and Cactus suplexes a piece onto Sabu, but Sabu hits a DDT and moonsault on a table… misses, and the table just flops over instead of breaking. Cactus climbs, but instead of going out, hits a Flying Elbow and only hits the table. Sabu hits a legdrop off Bret’s rope onto there, but Cactus brings him off the top. Cactus climbs, but Sabu hits him with a giant cellphone. This leads to both guys climbing on opposite sides… and that’s our finish! Sabu hits the ground first by a second at (15:33). The fans seem unimpressed, and Sabu again Moonsaults through a table.

hahah just another big, sloppy MESS, but a more fun one. Repeated botched spots or “they miss and reposition to try again” bits, like Catus missing a swinging kick to the nuts or a top-rope move being messed up and Cactus just falling back on the garbage can from a kick. I’ve heard Sabu got sloppier in ECW, but it’s only 1994 and he’s already just a disaster area of a worker, missing almost half his big spots and having the rest look utterly horrible. The only thing he looks really good at is looking psychotic and suicidal… which in 1994 was enough to get you over, so what the hell. Cactus was a lot more together, bumping like a maniac and eating VICIOUS headshots (note that Sabu doesn’t take any, but Mick takes a half-dozen legit shots to the brainpan). The finish was kinda lame- all that messy stuff and huge bumps, and the deciding move is a clunky cellphone to the head?

Rating: **1/2 (better than the last match, but not by much)

BRANDING IRON MATCH:
TERRIBLE TERRY FUNK vs. VIRGIL:
* Yes, somehow the Funk/Virgil feud has accelerated to the point where only sticking each other with branding irons will do for a blow-off. Both guys are past their primes by this point, to say the least. … what? YES VIRGIL HAD A PRIME! I mean… he was worse before 1992 and got worse after like 1993 so having some **-**1/2-ish matches at one point counts as a prime! Shut up! And yes, Funk is called “Terrible” here and comes down to the iconic Pulp Fiction song while threatening to poke people with a flaming iron. God as my witness, I think Virgil gets a more raucous crowd reaction. Or maybe it’s his theme song, which is of course “Whoomp! (there it is)”, which was two years old and already somewhat notorious at that point.

Terrible Terry starts throwing chairs around before the bell even rings, then hits the apron and Virgil knocks him through a table right as the bell rings. He tries to no-sell, but ends up getting his neck pulled down on the top rope and does a huge cartoon bump, getting himself tangled up- he’s trying, bless him. Terry manages to grab him and piledrive Virgil on the floor, then goes to lay out Big Al (who appears to be noticeably laughing) and wastes time by throwing chairs around in the crowd. Virgil is dragged to the concession stand and bashed into it, as the announcer desperately tells everyone “Stay in your seats!” and Terry appears to deliberately try and upset him by throwing shit around in the stands so everyone has to run to get a better look- lol did his check not clear? He DDTs Virgil on the floor. Big Al recovers (“Ya know, I got CREMATED by this maniac!”), and Virgil finally just magically comes back and throws kicks and throws Terry through a draped table. Virgil actually still sells as he walks (putting in more effort than I would be at this point) while Terry takes zoomy cartoon bumps and falls to the floor upside-down, then grabs the ringside photographer and hauls him down. Virgil DDTs him out there, slams & puts a garbage can over him, then dumps Bacardi all over him and throws the can from the top rope to the floor onto Terry. Terry has bladed (REALLY??) and throws punches at the ringpost to show dizziness, then Virgil yanks his pants down to show us Terry’s ass (thanks, Virg) and rubs a fan’s styrofoam cup up the crack.

Virgil climbs the ropes and is about to go high-risk until he remembers what he’s being paid and harmlessly skips down to hit a feather-light clothesline and then clotheslines him to the floor. haha Funk with the huge bumps in this nonsense. Virgil beats on him on the floor, clearly blown up and Terry starts bonking his head into the ringpost to sell being dazed, then does a ridiculous little dance while Virgil throws slow, measured punches at him then this bizarre lurching spin-haymaker (lol he is completely wiped out going this long). Funk goes over the top so Virgil has to go get him and hit two DDTs in the ring (haha all his grapple-buttons are keyed to “DDT”, it seems). Terry scoots out of the ring dragging his forehead along the mat and gets kicked in the ass, then gets into an actual fight with a fan who has to be dragged off (a Japan spot of his). Virgil gets between them and throws slow punches, then bonks Funk with the soft end of a ringside chair- he gets mule kicked in the balls, but Terry goes for the branding iron & Virgil does a fast recovery with his boxing jab series into the roundhouse, then slaps on the Million Dollar Dream! Terry is screwed! But he manages to headbutt the referee so no pin happens when Terry goes out. Virgil tries to revive the guy, but in comes Terry’s branding iron shot to the head and it’s 1-2-3- Funk needing to cheat to deal with the legendary offensive juggernaut that is Virgil (15:18). Virgil must be branded, per the match stipulations! But instead, Funk rips off the referee’s shirt and does it to HIM, then Junkyard Dog waddles in to save Virgil and brawls with Funk to end the whole deal!

Man this was one of the most business-exposing masterpieces I’ve ever seen with Funk doing the most cartoonish circus bumps possible, to the point of doing little cross-legged dances and spinning around into a punch that sends him wobbling to the other side of the ring and careening over the top rope. If this happened today he’d be derided as an unprofessional maniac, lol. It’s hilarious watching Virgil in half-ass indie mode and Funk going for “do ALL THE BUMPS!” and fling himself this way and that. Virgil did almost NOTHING all match long, just doing long WWF-style haymakers, throw a couple weapon shots, then spam DDTs (he only did three moves all match and ALL THREE were DDTs!) while Terry had to do everything else. Virgil barely even took a bump! And despite hitting all these comebacks, he barely bothered to gesture to the fans at all or show ANY kind of charisma. Granted it’s hard to judge someone for being lazy in an indie show (especially in a match that had to run that long- fifteen minutes!) but Funk was game. Poor Virgil was blown up all of seven minutes in and was noticeably sucking wind right up until the end, too.

Rating: 1/2* (so, so weak. Points for Funk’s bumping, as business-exposing as it was, but Virgil was blown up, they had nothing in the tank but “go to the crowd and throw each other around”, and more)

An interview with the Powers of Pain! With the Warlord as a fast-talking obnoxious heel and the Barbarian clearly having just woken up, squinting his eyes, looking tired and forgetting to suck in his stomach. Warlord just keeps yammering, soon repeating himself and doing silly “laugh after making a statement” things that show why he’s not generally known for his promos (“You’re gonna see the PAIN… and you’re gonna FEEL our power hahahahahah!”).

NWC TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT (Semi-Finals):
THE POWERS OF PAIN (The Warlord & The Barbarian) vs. AERIAL ASSAULT (Rob Van Dam & Bobby Bradley):
* oh my god YES- Rob Van Dam in his pre-ECW incarnation, as a dorky high-flying babyface with a bright turquoise singlet and no airbrushing on it, and BATTLE KAT is his partner! Bradley was a WWF jobber while Rob was just kinda starting to make a name for himself. The PoP are in their 1980s WWF gear, which looks INCREDIBLY dated for 1995.

We get the incredible RVD/Barbarian match-up to start, Barbarian using his famous technical ability via a wristlock, then catches him with the world’s strongest slam, but Rob dodges an elbow and actually does the splits to dodge a clothesline and sends Barbarian to the floor- cute shit like that eventually started to get him over. Somersault pescado (pretty hot shit for the US), which Barbarian just sells with annoyance at being caught as he’s right back in the ring. Warlord/Bradley have a go, barely looking like the same species- Bob wisely avoids a test of strength but Warlord easily ignores his kicks and whups on him- Bradley moonsault dodges him but gets clotheslined out of his boots with the Jannetty Bump. He tries a crucifix on Barbarian but gets Samoan dropped, then eats a MONSTER backbreaker- holy cow flinging his legs up on the lift like that made it look brutal as hell.

Barbarian hits another and bends Bob over his knee, then they do the slow work to beat him down- he goes back-first into the post, then eats a boot & super-delayed suplex, RVD having to repeatedly break up pins. A bearhug nearly sets off a comeback (Bob isn’t too good at pleading to the fans to really get it over, though) but Warlord rushes RVD to stop the tag. FINALLY, Barbarian misses his Flying Headbutt and RVD comes in with a punch & kick flurry (“flying superfoot”, sorry), then his arcing kick sets up a flying… thing, as Barbarian was pointed the wrong way and just collapses when RVD hits him with a crossbody to the ass. That gets two, and Warlord nails RVD from the apron to set up a brawl- everyone hits the ring and the Warlord shoves down the ref to cause a DQ at (13:35). Barbarian immediately hits a MURDEROUS powerbomb on Bradley, easily better than any actual move in the match, and the ref takes a better bump than anyone all show going SAILING over the top via the Warlord. Bob eats another powerbomb and the PoP leave, forcing Aerial Assault to do the awful “We got our asses kicked and it wasn’t a clean finish, but YAY US!”.

A pretty bog-standard tag team match right out of WWF TV, which puts it above the previous match. Rob obviously had the superior offense for his team so he was the opening AND finishing guy, leading Bob, a pretty good bumper, to take all the offense. He did a couple really good ones, but his lack of charisma did him in as he just starts floundering and not really doing the full “Blowjob Babyface” sell of pleading or agony. Like in the bearhug he just stands there and occasionally moves his arm- even Rob, on the apron, does more, pleading “I’m here if you need me!” and stuff. Some monster bumps off those powerbombs after the match was over, though. The finish had “the PoP don’t want to do the job but we don’t want them winning” written all over it, though.

Rating: ** (meh- fine but uninspired work)