CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Eddie Guerrero (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a one-time-only feature bout, as the IWA Mid-South Title is defended in a Three Way Dance between… CM Punk, Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio Jr.! Three all-time legends in one match, at totally different points in their careers (Eddie & Rey were close to their career-defining WWF comebacks, while Punk was just starting out as an indie name). And I went looking for Flash Funk matches and oh yeah- he was SABU’s opponent when ECW invaded WWF RAW in 1997! So there’s THAT as a wild Forbidden Door only-in-1997 match!

Then it’s over to 1980s WWF as Jimmy Snuka and his storyline cousin the Tonga Kid take on The Moondogs! Another indie match sees the S.A.T. face Matt Sydal & Alex Shelley in a match that’s part “indie-style stalling” and part “showcase the S.A.T.’s wild moves”! And finally, it’s JOSHI in Stampede Wrestling, as legendary Devil Masami takes on Mika Komatsu in a match that looks super-odd, as it completely uses the AJW style in a foreign territory, thus looking totally out of place (and at twice the pace of anything men’s wrestling was doing)!

IWA MID-SOUTH HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
CM PUNK (w/ Dave Prazak) vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. EDDIE GUERRERO:
(IWA Mid-South, 03/02/2002)
* By request, we get a one-time-only (uh, probably! Don’t quote me!) three-way dance between three all-time legends! CM Punk, IWA Mid-South Champion, takes on two lucha legends in Eddie & Rey. Eddie had been fired from WWE for drugs, but was on his way back. Rey had spent a couple years between WCW & WWE recovering and just doing stuff, and Punk was on his way up in the indies. Punk has no physique to speak of (even 22 years ago!) and has ugly bleached/red hair. He also has a mini-me with him with the same hair. Rey is in his dreadful “no-mask” look, still looking like a 14-year old boy except for the big steroid muscles. Speaking of on the gas, HOLY SHIT LOOK AT EDDIE GUERRERO! Okay it was no big mystery, as he was roided even in his New Japan days, but the huge veins in his shoulders and triangular torso are extremely obvious here. He comes down looking unpleasant and annoyed to be there like a good heel. Or like someone who is legitimately annoyed to be there. There’s MAYBE 100 people here. The announcer annoys me by calling Punk the “IWA Mid-South World Heavyweight Champion” like this podunk indie deserves World Title status. YES I KNOW THE TITLES AREN’T REAL SHUT UP IT MAKES THEM LOOK DESPERATE.

As usual, the first minutes of an indie bout are spent posturing, stalling and doing hesitant lockups- Eddie winning me over by pretending to tie up and then backing up to let the other two do it while he does nothing. But he soon gets caught between them and we establish the rules immediately by having both guys try for pins and pulling each other off. Therefore even people who didn’t hear the rules know what they are via visual demonstration. Rey gets an X-Factor and Punk gets the world’s clunkiest rana out of the “put your leg on the guy’s neck and flip back” move on Eddie, then has Rey somersault over him and dodge a clothesline, which then sends Punk to the apron, where Rey dropkicks him off then fakes both guys out with the Tiger Feint and then dives into Punk. Punk & Eddie trade strikes, but Punk gets monkey flipped into Rey’s wheelbarrow bulldog. Eddie breaks the pin and hits a buckle bomb on Rey, but Punk lures him into his “Jackie Chan” move (commentary explains it’s a regular move of Punk’s then), where the guy tries to pull him off the ground but he uses the momentum to backflip- he then hits a flying crossbody on both guys.

Eddie gets headscissored to the floor by Rey, who takes the most ungainly springboard dropkick in recorded history (but it hit!)- commentary thankfully calls out how loose the ropes look, excusing it. Rey hits legdrops on both guys, but we get two “triple-submission” spots in a row. Rey eats the post while Punk & Eddie have a little chat admidst corner-whips, leading to Punk’s hop-up Blockbuster, and Rey springboard legdrops him out of the pin. Rey hits the 619 into the Bronco Buster, but lands balls-first on Eddie’s foot trying another, then Eddie tries the Three Amigos, but Punk clobbers Rey from the apron and sunset flips him, resulting in Rey getting tossed for the German. Man 2000s indies LOVED that spot. Punk goes for a running corner knee and misses, then gets put up and Rey is leapfrogged ONTO him, leading to a Super Rana. And Eddie uses THAT to hit the Frog Splash, Rey desperately being just a bit too late to break it up. New IWA Champion at (11:56)! Eddie literally loses the belt the next night to Punk.

A pretty good, hard-fought match, more akin to a RAW main event than guys working an indie in front of 100 people. Like it’s almost TOO much effort for the setting, haha. Despite that, they still did a few minutes of stalling to begin, then triple-holds to kill time in the middle, and they were a lot more slow and steady with their movements than showing a manic desire to win. Man Punk is one ungainly bastard though, haha- it never ceases to amaze me how he almost never botches, but all his moves just look like this ORDEAL to execute, as guys often have to help him or he just clunkily goes over and up for things. Thank god he’s a natural worker with great ring-smarts. But overall they were good with the clever spots, everyone was either trying to break up pins or ending up in positions to be like “hey, what if I tried this?” rather than everyone obviously getting into position for moves, etc. It shows the difference between great workers and mediocre ones- even flippy guys often failed at making it look “legitimate”, whereas these guys were doing pretty decent spots but making them all look like things come up with in the moment.

Rating: *** (like I was expecting nothing less than good cuz it’s these three, but I wasn’t expecting THAT good considering the setting)

SABU (w/ Bill Alfonos) vs. FLASH FUNK:
(WWF RAW, June 23rd 1997)
* Truly one of the more odd bits of the late ’90s in wrestling, ECW, which always acted like it was the hardcore “alternative” to WWF & WCW, “invades” the struggling WWF to showcase themselves. And this is before fans heard that Vince McMahon had been bankrolling the company! Jim Ross admitted it and everything! This is of course a quid pro quo situation- the WWF gets notoriety and some interest from having another promotion invade the show and raise hell, while ECW gets promotion from a more national brand. ECW only sent their most “ECW”-ish guys, Sabu & RVD, for the most part, and it didn’t last long, but it was pretty interesting for the time, especially for me, who had no access to ECW otherwise. Paul Heyman himself does commentary to put his own guy over, giving a quick rundown of his history. Flash Funk is of course well-acquainted with Sabu in ECW as 2 Cold Scorpio. Sabu’s in gold pants and Funk is in a red bodysuit.

Sabu quickly does his “dart at the guy’s legs” stuff and hits a slingshot kick as the Detroit fans chant for him, then a spinkick, baseball slide & somersault plancha while Paul puts over Sabu originating “the broken table” and how The Public Enemy STOLE it from him, just burying his former act (“as the man who DISCOVERED The Public Enemy!”). Flash starts no-selling all of Sabu’s punches and beats him down into a turning splash for two, but gets caught up top with Sabu’s springboard rana for two. Sabu keeps doing slingshots, but misses and eats a high heel kick from Flash, who counters Sabu’s next rana attempt by dropping him on the top rope and clotheslining him from there, then uses a cartwheel Pele kick and pescado as they’re just throwing EVERYTHING at each other. Flash adds a fantastic moonsault (splattering Sabu’s wrist), getting a close two- the look of the fans on-camera seems discordant with the volume of the “OHHHHH!” on the kickout, shall we say. Sabu hits a slingshot rana all the way to the floor (Flash clearly looking up at him the whole time to catch him for the move), and sets him up on a table as the ref counts them both out at (4:44)- wow this DEFINITELY isn’t ECW-style rules. Sabu gets the dreaded “fails to break the table” whiff of death as his Asai Moonsault fails to break it, then does EMERGENCY IMPROV, failing to break it again with a splash. Flash just looks wide-eyed and clearly says something on-camera as Sabu desperately hits a flying legdrop to the floor to snap… the legs of the table. OH WELL.

Just madness for 1997 WWF, as they were in “ONLY hit big moves” mode and just did endless slingshots, cartwheels and dives, having the most non-WWF match possible. Which really was what the doctor ordered to set this up as something “different”. And of course because it’s Sabu stuff doesn’t go right as the table won’t break and he keeps trying in a hilarious, desperate bid to save the spot while Flash appears to be communicating with him. And the finish to the match is the count-out anyways.

Rating: ** (a fun little jaunt of non-stop flying moves- no real “match” to speak of so much as two guys flinging themselves at each other for five minutes, but not bad)

“SUPERFLY” JIMMY SNUKA & THE TONGA KID vs. THE MOONDOGS (Rex & Spot):
(WWF All-Star Wrestling, Dec. 2nd 1984)
* It’s the last interesting Tonga Kid match I could find! Here he’s teaming with his “cousin” Snuka (a big star at the time) against the lower-card Moondogs. Both Moondogs are in hillbilly-style bright blue jeans- Rex is taller and has darker hair than the chubbier Spot. I will always love that their belts are just rope- great attention to detail. That and the giant gnaw-bones they carry to the ring. Snuka’s in the usual animal-print, while Tonga’s loincloth is purple.

The Moondogs attack before the bell and Rex works over Snuka, who gets caught between them in a messy clusterfuck spot (what WAS that? Snuka was swinging Rex into Spot but went in backwards and also sold the “collision”). Rex continues the beating but makes the mistake of smashing Snuka into the post, earning him a headbutt comeback. Tonga comes in with his usual energetic stuff, hitting a leaping headbutt and fistdrop, adding these big, theatrical jumps into every move, but eats a HUGE powerslam from Rex- Spot works in a pumphandle gutbuster. Rex’s Russian legsweep & Spot’s 2nd-rope fistdrop both get 2s- Snuka pulls a Moondog off each time. Tonga Kid does a roll-through, but his comeback is stuffed by a quick heel tag- his proper comeback comes from a go-behind- Snuka gets the hot tag but it’s an ugly double-whip that puts him on the floor. Tonga takes another beating, but Snuka flies off the top with a crossbody on Spot and scores the pin at (4:52). The fans leap to their feet! The Moondogs grab their bones (… the animal ones they carried to the ring!) and chase off the babyfaces in an odd ending.

The match was mostly fine TV filler- oddly full of Moondog comebacks as they won’t sell consistently and just make smart heel tags to overwhelm the babyfaces with two guys. Tonga is an interesting one- superb bumper and theatrical guy with his strikes, but almost TOO much on both fronts- it comes off as tryhard and a bit too much even for wrestling, exacerbated by his small size.

Rating: ** (acceptable five-minute match, mostly controlled by the heels doing basic stuff)

THE S.A.T. (Jose & Joel Maximo) vs. MATT SYDAL & ALEX SHELLEY:
(Wrestling Superstars Unleashed, May 18th 2007)
* Oh yeah! Found another flippy-sounding match from the indies! So I was out of wrestling from like 2005-2020, so I missed a LOT of dudes. The Spanish Announce Team were a pair of dudes I’ve mostly heard about from TNA- they are very flippy and did that “super-convoluted and obviously assisted theatrical move” style. Sydal was a flippy guy in WWE as Evan Bourne. Shelley is one half of the Motor City Machine Guns and I’ve only seen him once, I think. Sydal has the long tights and Shelley shorts. I can’t tell the Maximos apart due to the distance chosen for the hard cam, but thankfully they have their names as “tramp stamps” on their tights so close-ups make it clear. This is a quasi-fancam with some dork playing “commentary” with a high-pitched squeaky voice.

Contrary to my flippy expectations, even these guys know to level down to a certain audience, and spend two full minutes not making contact and instead flipping each other off and annoying one another. Sydal wins a lucha sequence against Joel, but Shelley wimps out after taking a single chop and hugs his partner. Jose pokes Shelley in the eyes, Shelley flips around a bit, then Jose enzuigiris him and S.A.T. hit a double bulldog. Shelley sells the nose, so the Maximos hold it, but Sydal gets an enzuigiri of his own. They work weardown holds and heelish spots on Jose, including doing fake tags and double-team abdominal stretches (Shelley actually putting a hold on Sydal in order to make the stretch worse, which is hilarious and awesome), but alas Joel isn’t doing great as a cornerman- he knows to jump in and argue with the ref during double-teams, but spends most of his time just frozen on the apron in one position (backtracking to double-check I notice he barely even budges despite 10-second skips)- if you want to see the true workers, watch them on the ring apron!

lol Sydal mis-times his thigh-slap by touching Jose with a dropkick and THEN slapping his thigh. He wipes his hands with a towel before doing a slingshot in a nice bit, but ends up landing funny (ass-first and falling back) on his senton, but Jose finally makes the comeback by dodging, charging Shelley, rolling up Sydal, using the kickout to charge Shelley again, then drop-toehold Sydal into his nuts. Joel FINALLY gets tagged in, hitting a powerslam then a moonsault, then Sydal leaps into both Maximos and ends up in the Spin Cycle (upside-down swinging lift into a face slam). But HEELISH CHEATING brings out one Maximo and the other is hit with an inverted leg-aided DDT, then Jose flies off and takes a double-dropkick anti-air, and Joel flies into a stunner. Standing Moonsault from Sydal gets a CLOSE two and Sydal theatrically oversells the “Shocked Kickout Face” and a backbreaker, then Jose hits a flatliner and Joel a tornado DDT on Shelley, then Shelley breaks up a Spanish Fly (double-backflip rock bottom off the top) and Jose goes coast-to-cost to missile kick him in the corner, and the Spanish Fly finishes at (17:43)- Maximos win!

haha, this wasn’t bad! It was totally by-the-numbers and killed so much time at first it was clear this was an “Indie Show Effort”, but they ramped it up a bit as time went on despite a LONG, basic heel heat sequence. Good douchery by Shelley & Sydal, as even the lame-duck babyfaces of the S.A.T. couldn’t hold the match down too bad. And then it had a pretty typical hot ending with more effort put in than most indie shows, with guys running around, countering stuff, building up the finish by going for it, failing, then hitting a pretty cool move (missile dropkick into the tree of woe’d Shelley) into the Spanish Fly. Nothing the heels did really felt like it was finisher-tier but they also controlled the majority of the match, obviously setting up the Maximos to do the handful of spots they planned out beforehand and doing a half-decent job of making it look like the moves “just happened” to end up that way rather than being choreographed.

Rating: **1/2 (the Flair/Steamboat of goofy indie tag matches in high school gymnasiums- largely Sydal & Shelley carrying the entire match and setting themselves up for Maximo moves)

DEVIL MASAMI vs. MIKA KOMATSU:
(Stampede Wrestling, Calgary, Aug. 14th 1987)
* Perhaps more fitting for my other column, but screw it- DEVIL MASAMI wrestled for Stampede! Looks like a bunch of All Japan Women’s Pro Wrestling spent some time there for about a month and a half, Devil mostly working with Rhonda Singh (Monster Ripper in Japan, & Bertha Faye in WWF). For those unaware, Devil is a Top Ten all-time women’s worker with a ton of amazing matches, and probably would be a Top 10-20 worker of either sex in the 1980s. Komatsu I know fairly little about- she wrestled from 1983-89 and peaked as a WWWA Tag Team Champion (the top tag belt in the company) The most spectacular thing about this tour in Calgary is that we got Jushin Liger and Devil Masami in a TAG TEAM, as there’s a Gama Singh, K.C. Houston & Rhonda Singh vs. Keiichi Yamada, Devil Masami & Mika Komatsu mixed-tag trios match out there! I dearly hope that one was taped, but maybe not.

We’re JIP, Ed Whalen on commentary fawning over how tough and athletic both women are, while going ga-ga over Mika’s looks and wife-quality (“Guys, if you brought her home to mum… she’d say what a nice, quiet lady-like creature– LOVELY, LOVELY, LOVELY! Well… she’s a wrestler. She knows her way around. Nice lady, though). It’s always funny how everyone in Alberta LOVED Ed (he was the sports guy on Calgary TV, so he was known for WAY more than wrestling and was a local institution) but everyone outside Alberta is like “Jesus this guy sucks”. Immediately they impress as Mika hits a monkey flip and a sunset flip at a pace 3-4 times greater than the WWF was going at the time, and at least twice was the NWA was. Some guy shouts “boring!” during a test of strength (Devil hits the AJW-style Northern Lights suplex out of that) as Whalen goes on about how wrestling is “pretty bereft of female talent” but puts over Wendi Richter. Mika ends up in a standing surfboard, but Devil kicks her off and Mika fires back with two of those AJW-style running cross-checks and the fans are more appreciative of the “cutie” (thanks, Ed). Ed calls them both “good workers” who’ve impressed him as Devil hits a grounded Iconoclasm to escape a double-wristlock, fireman’s carries her and works holds and pins as things slow down.

Devil works the arm pretty well, doing a complex double-wing move where she hooks both legs with her ankles, then hits a jujigatame. Mika rolls her over and headbutts the ass, but Devil trips her and hits the full surfboard (“Japanese cross”). Mika barely gets out and Devil uses CLOSED FISTS to pummel her to the mat, goads on the crowd, and hits a fucking Jacknife Powerbomb (in 1987!), wowing the crowd and not even going for a pin- Mika counters another with a rana for two. Crowd cheers Mika kicking out after a counter-pin, and she counters a whip with a swinging kick. Another hits and Mika does a full nelson, Devil snapping her arms apart and forward-rolling her for two as she’s got an answer to EVERYTHING. Mika manages an abdominal stretch as I fear they’ve missed the peak of the match as it’s now just “my turn to do stuff”. In AJW it’s not super-rare to just do a fired-up comeback and ignore the prior damage because the pace is too important to break, but in the West it just looks weird because she was eating 8 minutes of stuff and is now fine. But Devil hits a hooking clothesline (Mika doing my selling pet peeve- “oh god i’m dying i’m dying oh god the pain wait gotta adjust my gear for a sec…”) and then a vicious double-arm backbreaker, but Komatsu manages to do the “Fuck YOU!” AJW bridge! Devil tilt-a-whirls her into another for two, then dodges a crossbody and Mika’s in deep trouble- except she just reverses a turnbuckle shot and hits a flying crossbody for two. Devil manages a small package and two lariats, sets Mika up top to finish… but Mika shoves her off, only to eat shit on a flying splash and Devil finishes her off with an overthrow-style powerbomb at (13:59 shown). Devil wins!

Just a wild bout for 1987- you’ve got Fabulous Moolah doing Moolah-style matches in the WWF along with most of her trainees and then there’s this rapid-paced insanity with complex lucha-style submissions, judo holds, flipping tosses and a huge release powerbomb as a weardown move. The Jumping Bomb Angels would open eyes in the WWF shortly as well, this stuff fitting in like it was 10 years later in the West. HOWEVER, they kinda “miss the peak” of a Western-style match as Mika takes all this incredible stuff but then once it’s her turn to do stuff… she’s just totally fine and is hitting her own moves like nothing had happened to her before. And she keeps making more comebacks after a move or two, despite it looking like she’s SCREWED after eating comeback after comeback! It’s kinda funny because I’m super familiar with AJW-style match cadence by this point, but in a Western setting the differences become much stranger to look at- like simply plopping one promotion’s style onto another’s show. HOWEVER, the match actually worked for the fans, as the long technical holds didn’t lose them, nor did the endless cut-offs and reversals as the match went on, and they were still going “WOAH!” to things like Devil’s finishing move.

Rating: *** (ridiculously fast-paced and with state-of-the-art offense for the era, and tons of good bumps, flinging around and big moves. Iffy selling and an odd lack of consistent offense for a match in the West).