Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Akira Taue (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have the GOOD SHIT- King’s Road Style! Mitsuharu Misawa vs. another one of the Four Pillars- the huge Akira Taue! A Champion Carnival Final seeing some of the best “putting over the move” selling I’ve ever seen!

Next up, a match of equal magnitude: The Power Twins vs. Aerial Assault in a shitty Las Vegas indie! It’s Larry & David Power (two never-was chubby dudes billed as powerhouses) versus Bob Bradley and Rob Van Dam, in one of the matches that was his debut on the greater wrestling scene in North America, for the NWC Tag Team Titles! Then it’s over to WCWPro where “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan teams up with Stars & Stripes (Marcus Bagwell & The Patriot) against the Three Faces of Fear: Kevin Sullivan, Avalanche and The Butcher (Brutus Beefcake)! Finally, it’s WCW’s short-lived women’s division, as Malia Hosaka takes on mid-80s Glamour Girl, Leilani Kai on WCW Saturday Night!

ALL JAPAN CHAMPION CARNIVAL FINALS:
MITSUHARU MISAWA vs. AKIRA TAUE:
(April 15th 1995)
* Oh hell yeah more Four Pillars time! It’s the Ace of AJPW against Taue, the lowest-ranked of the Pillars, and generally the one accepted as the “weakest worker” of the four. Taue having that rep in the early days of the IWC was always kind of interesting, cuz like… he’s the worst of THOSE FOUR. Which means he could be better than almost anyone else in the world, ya know? A lot of it was a lack of MOVEZ, I suspect- his stuff was generally the ugliest of the four, he had the smallest moveset, and he wasn’t very agile or smooth, so people who didn’t see things like timing and selling as well missed the boat on him. I was thinking “no one would believe Taue had a chance here, right?” as Misawa almost never lost and even Kawada hadn’t beaten him yet, but the Carnival was a round-robin and flukes can always happen in these things. Taue had recently debuted a big new move- his Nodowa Otoshi (chokeslam), but off the RING APRON in a huge crowd-pleasing mega-spot. Misawa had also broken his orbital bone only three weeks prior, giving this some added drama. Both are in the usual- Misawa’s emerald & white, and good ol’ tall, lanky, shapeless Taue in red.

The crowd is uproarious immediately as they circle each other- the stakes are immediate as Taue easily knocks Misawa over, but tries to drop him on the top turnbuckle and has to immediately and desperately block to avoid an elbow to the face and backs away in consternation. They trade blows but Taue actually gets the better of Misawa TWICE on reversal exchanges, dodging his agile leaps! He’s no big slug! And a stunned Misawa eats a TOPE SUICIDA of all things on the floor! Lucha Taue gets his own chant and slowly takes to his senior, but can never get his Nodowa Otoshi, and Misawa dodges two big strikes and knocks him down with the twisting lariat. But Taue escapes a facelock with raw power and squeezes Misawa’s injured eye socket, Misawa selling it on release after two holds across the eye- so far, Taue has kept things clean, but drops Misawa on the top rope twice to boos and ref admonishment. Misawa slides out of a dragon sleeper-like lock across the eye, but tries a go-behind and gets elbowed in the socket and DDT’d for our first two-count. Taue is slow and steady but dominant, taking advantage of a weak point, but Misawa’s able to rana out of a powerbomb and strike the big man down, avoiding his big boot. Misawa knocks him to the floor and hits the elbow suicida and adds a flying elbow to ramp up the speed, and when Taue won’t go up for Tiger Driver attempts, Misawa fires off a Rolling Elbow in the ropes to plaster him instead, Taue falling down like he’s dead. As always, this style emphasizes the big moves by establishing guys constantly going for them but being unable to.

Taue sells the K.O. and Misawa has to drag him out after a respite to get two, Taue rolling to the floor to recover. After a full minute, he’s in, avoids a Tiger Suplex, and counters elbows with an EYE GOUGE to huge heat! In desperation, the man cheats to win! Twice! Then just STANDS on the eye, earning him tremendous heat. Misawa goes from stoic to grimacing and writhing in pain as Taue does his “drop him on the ropes” thing, but face-first into the turnbuckle, then works him over on the floor- Misawa hits the apron, but Taue grabs him from the floor and backdrop suplexes him like that and now has a huge lead! He goes for the Apron Nodowa, but Misawa desperately fights free and stuns Taue with an elbow to stop that exchange- a single elbow and Taue’s now stumbling around and puffing his face out in pain and shock, and Misawa rallies to hit several moves- frog splash gets two. Misawa telegraphs the Rolling Elbow, but Taue’s backdrop is countered to a Bridging German for two and a big near-fall! Tiger Driver- two! Now we’re hitting the “finishers” part of the match! But Taue keeps stuffing him and finally Misawa’s put on the apron and chopped in the eye- the crowd loses it because they know what’s coming, and Taue does, too. He goes for the Nodawa, Misawa deathgripping the top rope to avoid it… but in one of the greatest spots of all time, Taue just spikes the wrist with his elbow and NODOWA OTOSHI OFF THE APRON! And the crowd goes absolutely BANANA!

A sickening thud as Misawa crashes to the floor in a flat-back bump, and it takes a solid minute for Taue to haul the remains into the ring, and he hits a “cover every limb” pin but Misawa’s able to break on the ropes with a free hand. Misawa is a broken man, but summons the power for an elbow and rolls to the floor for extra time. But we’re still left with a jazzed Taue stalking a dying Ace, hitting a big release German for two. Misawa refuses the Nodowa and Taue settles for a DDT/legdrop and gets a HUGE sit-out powerbomb for two! Taue keeps going for the kill but Misawa springs out with an elbow each time to stagger him, causing Taue to resort to brutish stomps to try to wear him out. Doesn’t work- Misawa now hits a ROLLING Elbow but again rolls to the floor to recover! Taue, now limping and tired, has to go all the way out to pull him back in, puts him on the top rope, but a Top Rope Nodowa Otoshi is countered to an armdag and Misawa floors him with a huge elbow smash! They do an amazing exchange where Taue backdrops out of the Tiger Driver and they each go for finishers, blocked by the other until Misawa counters a Nodowa to the Rolling Elbow for two. Release German sets up a Tiger Driver- two! He moves in… but it’s another eye gouge! Misawa comes up, stoic as always, now keeping one eye shut, and walks into another gouge… but is able to fling Taue to the side and elbow him! And that leaves Taue vulnerable to the Tiger Suplex for a CLOSE two-count! Misawa has him now, and gets up for another Tiger Suplex at (27:03), FINALLY surpassing Taue’s biggest weapon (shots to the eye) thanks to cleverly coming up with a way around it, countering the expected cheating. Misawa wins the Champion Carnival!

One of the best examples of how good Taue was- he was a bit clunky and ungainly, but had a mastery of timing, everyone knew how to sell his stuff as “big” (he was so much larger than everyone else), and he had perfect “Ooh! That caught me!” selling by puffing out his cheeks and squinting when he was struck to show the pain of it. The match layout was tremendous- early exchanges established Taue’s power advantage but that he was clever and could avoid his faster opponent, then focused on Misawa’s injury for the slower “hold-based” portion, establishing that as a story in the match. Then they ramp up speed eight minutes in with strikes, the elbow suicida and a flying elbow to create a peak after that valley. Then you have that big Rolling Elbow as another central point- Taue is K.O.’d but Misawa needs a minute to recover, then Taue kicks out and rolls to the floor to put over the move and recover (and build the match time). Then we hit another portion of the match as Taue keeps getting railed by those elbows (a Misawa trademark- a big part of his matches are how painful and dangerous his elbows are, being so fast AND powerful, and they’re a reliable way for him to create distance and halt an opponent’s offense) and resorts to fighting dirty, but Misawa is still too good with counters and measures him. Taue finally goes for the eye again and then hits his big Super-Move to crush Misawa, but it takes too long to cover and Misawa pops up with another elbow to buy himself time, thus putting over the move huge because they’ve spent 2-3 minutes just selling that.

Misawa, meanwhile, comes off like a tactical genius because he knows to take time to recover, is always trying to buy himself time or make Taue pull him into the ring for another pin attempt, etc., and his durability/drive is emphasized by his repeated bursting out with a last-ditch elbow that his increasingly-tired opponent can’t dodge. And even though Taue keeps pressing him, Misawa can always find a way out, either by using the elbows, stalling/evading, or just countering the Nodowa (which, in-ring, could easily end the match). And then Taue gets desperate and keeps clawing at Misawa’s eye like a total dick, meaning Misawa has an “out” for losing due to his pre-existing injury. This puts over Misawa as well, as the fact that even this guy has to resort to fighting dirty to beat him makes him come off like beating him is harder than the Africa map on Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?. This builds drama and makes it like “Can Misawa overcome this?” and finally he’s able to out-tactic it by actually countering the same move Taue keeps relying on and elbowing him to set up the finish. This is the kind of master plan, story-within-a-story stuff that King’s Road was best at, and no other style has really been able to mimic.

Rating: ****3/4 (possibly Taue’s best singles match)

NWC TAG TEAM TITLES:
FINAL TOURNAMENT MATCH:
THE POWER TWINS (Larry & David Power) vs. AERIAL ASSAULT (Bobby Bradley & Rob Van Dam):
* By request, here’s ANOTHER National Wrestling Conference match, with the Las Vegas promotion finishing their tag tournament with two never-was burly losers vs. the first instance of RVD in anything of note! RVD is teaming up with WWF jobber Bob Bradley as a “spirited young guys” high-flying tag team, but unlike most, isn’t just wearing Rockers gear and trying to be the Rockers. They’re wearing matching turquoise singlets, RVD-style, but with no airbrushing yet. The Power Twins look jobbery as hell, and are squat, burly dudes with those teeny-tiny early ’90s goatees that try to give them jawlines (sadly they’ve done nothing about their hairlines). Their gear is SO hilariously cheap, like they each spent ten bucks at Kmart to add shades, hats, and black vests to their look, but their outfits are just plain two-color Mr. Perfect singlets (purple on black, in this case). They legitimately look like a lower-rent version of Disorderly Conduct. They apparently defeated The Bushwhackers and “Dreaded Pain” (?) to get this far. Aerial Assault beat the Mercenaries and won by DQ against the Powers of Pain. Apparently the entire tournament was taped in a single show! Oooooooooooh that always breeds terrible matches.

Immediately this runs contrary to expectations as RVD just easily hits a wristlock on Larry (probably) Power and AA do repeated flying double-teams to his outstretched arm- I was expecting the Power Twins to dominate early with… ya know, power. Larry can’t sell for shit, nor can David react from the apron- he’s just stalking back and forth doing nothing while Larry just taps his arm to show pain. Finally he eyerakes Bradley and punches him down to make the tag, and the Power Twins dump him and work him over in the corner. They flex and do dances while pushing Bradley around and stomping him, at least adding in a false-tag spot so RVD has to leave, allowing the Twins to hit a double back-body drop behind the ref’s back. A Twin is temporarily my hero by choosing the laziest, simplest submission hold he can think of, just grabbing Bradley’s wrist and pushing on the shoulder with his arms, then releases for a two-count (how is THAT gonna get a pin?). The twins do some clunky, basic stuff as Big Al Rizz’s favorite word is apparently “Cawntinuity!” in his thick Chicago-ish accent, but David not only flexes before dropping an elbow, he gets up too early then lets him tag in Rob Van Dam! David now no-sells RVD’s stuff and the Twins keep double-teaming and going to the eyes, but a Twin over-emotes before a running elbow and RVD bails at the absolute last moment to make the comeback, even hitting a slingshot dropkick, but he gets worked up by Larry on the apron and gets squashed between them. But the Twins go for it again and RVD dodges, then hits a crucifix on David, who finally spins around so Bradley can come off the top with a dropkick- Aerial Assault are the first NWC Tag Team Champions (9:57)!

Almost a decent match- the Twins are clunky but at least didn’t screw anything up. No charisma, so they mostly just do flexing and then the simplest offense possible, but it’s not an affront to God or anything. RVD didn’t get to show much of what was going to make him popular, as the boys didn’t seem interested in selling his spinkicks or rapid-fire slingshot moves. They were 6-8 year vets by this point, so there’s really no excuse for being THAT bad, but there’s a reason I’ve never heard of them despite having watched wrestling since the early ’90s. Bradley was barely in there and didn’t bother to sell much despite eating a chunk of offense. The finish was decent-ish psychology of going to the well one too many times and paying for it, though it’s funny seeing RVD repeatedly call for his partner and make huge swirling motions with his hands, as if to indicate to Power he needs to turn around to eat the move. Though finding out this was the third time they’d all worked that day makes it a little more clear why the match was so slow.

Rating: *1/2 (perfectly generic nothing match, but not really an ideal Tag Team Tournament Final)

“HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN & STARS AND STRIPES (Marcus Alexander Bagwell & The Patriot) vs. THE THREE FACES OF FEAR (Kevin Sullivan, Avalanche & The Butcher):
(WCW Pro, March 15th 1995)
* Oh, TREMENDOUS. Just the most bizarre mish-mash of guys. The Patriot, who was no longer needed as the Dollar Store Hogan when we had actual Hogan kicking around, still in that “young man kinda/sorta being pushed as a plucky newbie” Bagwell, and aged WWF hire Duggan teaming up against Sullivan and two more ex-WWF dudes. I gotta say, Sullivan coming out with two EXTREMELY tall dudes is not helping his perception as a midget. Avalanche is apparently “hailing from Mount Everest”, haha. The Butcher reps the spooky stable with hot pink tights.

Bagwell starts with Sullivan, and wouldn’t ya know it- it’s an International to start. Sullivan eats bodyslams from all three guys as they start “USA!” chants, which will certainly teach that Bostonian. Bagwell locks up with Avalanche, looking like a small child next to him, getting flung back into the ropes like a good junior, selling his inexperience because he keeps trying to grapple the giant. But Duggan gets the tag and slugs away, Avalanche shaking off two clotheslines but Duggan bringing in BOTH Stars & Stripes for a double-clothesline. Good spot! Patriot goes for ten punches in the corner but gets dropped on Avalanche’s knee and Sullivan puts his boot up in the corner. Butcher gets tagged in and the match breaks down a bit (SHOCKING), but Bagwell gets worked over- Avalanche hits the powerslam & elbow, broken up by Patriot, and the heels keep double-teaming Bagwell and provoking the good guys. Bagwell eats a big legdrop but kicks out, Avalanche torturing him, but Bagwell jawjacks Butcher out of a Sleeperhold and Duggan gets the hot tag, walloping the heels until everyone hits the ring. Bagwell gets dumped by Butcher comes off the top and nails Sullivan by accident, then exposes the business by going way back into the corner so Bagwell can grab his legs to prevent the break-up- Duggan pins Sullivan off that at (9:15).

Actually not bad! The long beatdown on Bagwell wasn’t great but they kept tagging in and out to make the match look more mobile, Avalanche hit some HUGE measured shots on him, and there was some decent cheating. Bagwell was too green to be a proper Pretty Boy In Peril but he did okay, and you can’t ask for a better hot tag guy than Duggan, who has the “big idiot energy” and soupbone fists to believably batter the heels around. The Patriot being allowed to only do like two tiny bits was hilarious and showed how weak he was, and Butcher had to deliberately slink back to the corner because he was out of position, but not bad!

Rating: **1/4 (perfectly acceptable six-man action)

MALIA HOSAKA vs. LEILANI KAI:
(WCW Saturday Night, March 22nd 1997)
* Yes, it’s Leilani Kai of Glamour Girls fame- forty years old and kicking in WCW’s Women’s Division. She was a WWF name, but had trained in All Japan Women’s Pro Wrestling and knew her shit. Hosaka was more or less an “extra” in the division- an American-trained woman of half-Japanese descent instead of a GAEA Japan wrestler like most with Japanese names were. Kai has a PROMINENT “why the fuck am I here?” face on. And they say “Lelani” on the chyron. And her theme music is like the guitar portion of “Owner of a Lonely Heart” on repeat. She’s in the most 1980s-style full-torso singlet while Hosaka’s in a purple top & tiny black briefs.

Kai charges to start but gets flipped around by her faster opponent while Dusty comments on “I like her lil’ drawers. Her outfit. Her wrestlin’ attire. They’re very cute”. Kai drop-toeholds her and grinds away with some good submission stuff (check the grip on that chinlock!). Kai growls like a psycho, battering-rams Hosaka, then whips her around by the hair. She throws in an AJW-style “running double-slap”, but charges into a big spinkick, then Malia drops her with a front kick. Leilani gets her knees up on the splash, however, and fires off an AJW double-wrist Northern lights suplex for two as Dusty gets too excited and gets bleeped for saying “shit”, but she whips Hosaka off the ropes and takes a horrible Hurricanrana for the pin at (2:28), Hosaka coming in WAY too low and Leilani having to catch her and allow for the ankles around her neck to “haul her over” for the pin. But then LUNA VACHON arrives, continuing an angle from other shows, smashing their heads together and headbutting both women while wearing a VERY revealing singlet (“Speaking o’ drawers- she ain’t got much on!”- Dusty). Luna cuts one of her trademark promos after, snarling that she’ll get a Women’s Title shot and will beat up any woman or even men who stand in her way.

Perfectly reasonable short Saturday Night-style match from Kai, an old pro who could thread a whole match around Hosaka’s speed- she takes an early couple of bumps to be thrown about by the smaller kid, then eats some impressive kicks, then reverses to more AJW offense until a simple counter pins her. Pretty jobbery way to go out, but she was clearly brought in as a reliable hand to do jobs.

Rating: *1/2 (fine little TV match)