Ric Flair vs. Kevin Von Erich (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I end my Von Erich NWA Title Trifecta with Ric Flair vs. KEVIN Von Erich, as the oldest Von Erich boy uses his wildman fighting style to get a different sort of match out of the travelling champion! How will that dastardly Flair get out this time? Come and see!

Next up, it’s the Can-Am Connection vs. Islanders feud continued on with Rick Martel’s NEW team, as Strike Force takes on the Islanders in fall 1987! Then it’s a highly-recommended Jacob Fatu match, as it’s Title vs. Title- the MLW Champion Jacob Fatu faces National Openweight Champion Alex Hammerstone in Major League Wrestling’s biggest match ever in 2021! Finally, it’s more of Norman Smiley in Mexico, as “Black Magic” teams up with Mano Negra against the short, obese HEADHUNTERS in lucha!

NWA WORLD TITLE:
RIC FLAIR vs. KEVIN VON ERICH:
(WCCW, 04/01/1983)
* It’s Flair vs. Von Erich again! But now it’s KEVIN! Ric has barely eked out wins over Kerry & David by this point, and now it’s time for barefoot wildman Kevin to try and get revenge! And he’s coming out to “Stranglehold” by Ted Nugent! And he’s the American Heavyweight Champion. Man the cheers for Kevin are HIGH in pitch, I tell you. I must have seen him in the WCCW set WWE released, but I don’t recall and have no idea what he’s like in-ring.

Kevin keeps snagging a headscissors out of headlocks, Ric rolling about to try and fight out, howling in pain every time Kevin puts on a twist. Ric makes the ropes and then gets hiptossed after a quick criss-cross as I notice Kevin has HUGE flourishes to all of his movements, just sailing around and leaping every which way. He does unique shit like a dropkick out of the wristlock spot (when most guys do a wristlock or armdrag) then a 1950s-style leaping headscissors (with the big pose and everything), Flair stuck in the headscissors again. He fights dirty by hopping up and dropping knees when he makes the ropes and Kevin’s still down, but eats a back body drop and begs off, but merciless Kevin just knees the shit out of him in return. Flair tosses him but is again like “hey, now…” when Kevin comes in hot, but catches him with a knee and pops him STRAIGHT in the nose (“My nose is broke!”- Kevin), doing it again while Kevin feels for it, then does his measured kneedrop while Kevin lurches on the mat. Flair gets another, but Kevin headscissors him again right off the pin, leading to this ugly bit where Flair scrambles out and they’re both bearhugging each other into a standing position and fight to the corner and just trade shit- I love how it looks like they’re legitimately fighting and scrapping, then Kevin just beats Flair’s ass and sends him upside-down into the corner and we get THE IRON CLAW~~ dragging Flair into the center until Flair punches him in the gut.

Kevin reverses a suplex to a sleeper, twisting Kevin out and then they both collide, Flair getting two. He goes up, but gets tossed off (WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS?), begs off, then eats a crossbody for two, Kevin ending up on the ref from the kickout. But of course that was the “plan”, as Flair misses an elbow and CRUSHES the poor guy with it. The ref is out, so Flair does an illegal toss over the top and smashes Kevin into the post. Back from break with Kevin immediately hitting a comeback- Flair faceplants (Kevin’s “Oh yes” smile and pose is terrific- he LOVES this and senses victory) and bounces all over the place, but Kevin goes into the ref AGAIN, and Flair does those god-tier machine-gun fists to the forehead (JESUS it looks like he’s slaughtering him in there- how is he that precise without killing him?), actually slamming his knee on the ground on each shot subtly to make the noise- more obvious when they zoom in. But then Kevin gets THE CLAW~~ to Flair’s tummy, causing him incredible agony. He eye-gouges out (no ref) and Kevin tosses him over the top twice and smashes him into the post, and a bloodied Flair is knocked around in the ring and Kevin PINS HIM with a flying cross-body to win the gold (12:47 shown)! Oh man I bet they’ll totally let that fly and not recognize all the tossing over the ropes earlier and AWWWWWWWWWWW they did. Kevin was all kissing the belt and hugging David (hey he wasn’t dead yet!) and the original ref revives and calls it a DQ, awarding the belt back to Flair. So the fans once more get their hearts broken but with a “well NEXT TIME FOR SURE!” to it as Flair inevitably will return to take on another Von Erich boy. Kevin is like “But he threw me over once!” and David has to settle him down, but the Von Erichs raise their hands to the fans as Flair skulks off, Champion still.

Haha, what a WAR. No “trading submissions for ten minutes” here- it’s just Kevin this whirlwind of destruction just eating Flair alive and Ric fighting dirty to keep his title. Man, Kevin is a fun guy to watch- totally flinging himself all over the place, doing unique shit and not moving like anyone else. He’s always sticking his foot up on his moves, getting it tied in the ropes, using it for visual flair on all his stuff, too. Flair was way different than his other “carry the kid” style based around holds and instead just let himself get battered all over the place. Much more vulnerable than usual but Kevin didn’t exactly seem like the most generous guy, quickly making comebacks and firing up. Since it was pretty short, it was all action with almost no slow points save the beginning (when it should be slow). Kevin has good agility and cardio and Flair was more like what we see in the ’90s with the all-cheating, all-selling, all-begging-off style, probably more suited to a Kevin-style brawling opponent.

Rating: ***1/2 (great fun and a way different match than Flair/David- just a scrappy all-out FIGHT)

Is there a reason why Tama & Fatu weren’t a team at this point? Like, wrestling LOVES twin tag-teams. Instead Tama’s kinda here as the “seller” of the Islanders and doesn’t last long.

STRIKE FORCE (Rick Martel & Tito Santana) vs. THE ISLANDERS (Haku & Tama):
(WWF TV, Oct. 3rd 1987)
* So a little later in 1987, the Can-Am/Islanders feud that was cut short by Tom Zenk loving money so much he cost himself a fortune… got switched to Martel’s new team, Strike Force! Tito apparently saved Martel from a beatdown while the announcers talked about how gutless Zenk left his partner high and dry, totally burying him on the way out. No Heenan with the Islanders, despite this being a Boston Garden show- he must be on the A-shows instead. The dude on commentary sounds like a guy doing a Gilbert Gottfried impression. I dunno my ’80s commentary teams. Joedust guesses the Duke of Dorcester?

The Islanders pounce Strike Force as soon as they hit the ring, and we’re off! The good guys get beaten down and whipped into each other, but dual “punch to the gut when they come off the top rope” spots have them tossing the Islanders all over the place, Tama taking an epic slingshot leap into the ring. Haku gets beat up and Santana even decks Tama on the apron and man, the ring is FILLED with garbage and the ref isn’t doing anything to get rid of it. Haku flails around and gets armdragged, and when Tama comes in he just SAILS over the top rope off a dropkick, flipping over the guardrail, too! Tama writhes in agony on the floor, begs off in the ring and takes ANOTHER big bump, getting bounced all over the place as Monsoon blames this on the lack of the Brain being around.

Tama’s early on a leapfrog and gets DECKED for two, finally raking the eyes but now Haku just ends up in a pithold, but they collide and Tama blasts away at Martel on the floor and strangles him with the tag rope while the ref is distracted by Santana, then hits a great back elbow and spits on Tito to allow more double-teaming when Santana runs in. ah, that temper. Martel totally collapses eating a Haku dropkick and Tito has to make a save. A criss-cross sees Tama fling Martel to the floor, then wipe him out against the steel post. Martel is GREAT as he’s just dying in here, and after eating some chops attempts a comeback only to end up in Haku’s shoulderbreaker for two. Wow that was some lift. Haku finally misses a somersault senton to set up the hot tag and Tito beats Tama’s ass, plastering him with the Flying Forearm, releasing the pin to intercept a charging Haku as everyone’s in the ring. Two big double-teams hit the Islanders (the ref being in the way for most of it) and Tito hits the Figure-Four Leglock on Tama, but as the ref restores order, in comes Haku with a throat-thrust and headbutt, and does the pin himself at (10:45)- a total screwjob on Strike Force!

Holy shit, the effort in this was NUTS- just all-out work for the entire match with no resting at all. Tama was working his ASS off, flying all over the place and taking ridiculous bumps, flat-backing off of everything. Good double-teams and work in general, with a long Strike Force sequence and even Haku getting in there can’t save the day until a double-down sees Tama cheat. Tito’s famous temper costs Martel a lot of punishment, but the hot tag works well and the babyfaces even get more double-teams into a sure finish, but Haku plays strategy (without the Brain, even!) and cheats to steal one. It’s pretty crazy to see such an all-out effort in a non-PPV WWF match, to be honest. They didn’t rest for a second and were bumping like crazy.

Rating: ***1/2 (a great bit of TV- super fast-paced and with good selling, bumping and double-teams)

MLW TITLE vs. MLW NATIONAL OPENWEIGHT TITLE:
NO DISQUALIFICATIONS:
JACOB FATU (w/ Josef Samael) vs. ALEX HAMMERSTONE:
(Major League Wrestling, Feb. 10th 2021)
* It’s more Jacob Fatu! This time against whoever the hell this is! This match was recommended as a “Beefy Men Hammering Each Other” bout, which is of course enticing. Hammerstone was part of MJF’s stable in MLW, then moved to TNA, where he still resides. He’s a big roided guy- he looks like a squatter version of Vince McMahon’s ideal- chicken & broccoli diet, big ol’ muscles, blond hair & beard. Looks like the image the average layman would come up with if you said “picture a pro wrestler”. His white jacket & sunglasses make him look kinda like a bush-leaguer trying to look big-league, and his mannerisms are pretty generic. Lotsa pointing and what-not. He’s got white pants, and Fatu’s in black shorts. This is Title vs. Title with both of MLW’s top belts up for grabs, and both dudes are undefeated. MLW’s giant square belt is kinda unique-looking- not the biggest fan.

Both dudes stare daggers at each other for a solid minute until Fatu explodes out, but is picked up by Alex, who hits some pretty shitty stuff in the corner (loose AND mis-timed)- his stomps are okay but the roids have made him pretty stiff. Fatu quickly growls and comes back, his stuff looking better, but he runs into two overhead suplexes and is clotheslined to the floor- sold more as frustration and annoyance than pain. He fires back, Hammerstone huffing and puffing REALLY bad considering he hasn’t done much and it’s only 4 minutes in, and he rolls to the floor post-uranage. They do the “Indie Walk & Punch” for a while until Fatu takes forever to set up a moonsault off the guardrail, but Hammerstone quickly fires back, only to end up in a Funk-style pulled piledriver on the apron, then Fatu takes a HILARIOUSLY long time to set him up in the corner for a Triple-Jump Moonsault. Like is he folding origami in there? Poor Alex just LOOKS at him one time like “Where do you WANT me, bro?” as Fatu keeps shuffling him around before finally hitting the move. Jay Lethal-flip moonsault gets two and he sets up some chairs in the corners, Hammerstone doing a good bump into one and a shitty bump into the other, but collapses off a whip so Fatu gets a shorter one (good spot) then hits a Van Terminator off the closer corner! This is a lot closer to “methodical beatdown” now- Fatu looks like he’s in no rush but is very effective. Delayed sell results in a two-count and we hit a nervehold- Hammerstone slowly makes his comeback, then overheads a charging Fatu into the turnbuckles!

This sets up the double-down, and Hammerstone fires in with a trio of running moves, rolls Fatu to the center and bicycle kicks him for two- good way to come back. He builds his SmackDown! meter a sec (his only mannerism thus far) and counters a counter with another kick, a flipover German and a sit-out powerbomb for two- they’re both down, but Fatu gets one of those great thrust kicks, only to miss his Moonsault finisher. Nightmare Pendulum (suplex to side slam, but he fucked it up and hit a jackhammer here) from Hammerstone! That gets two off a weak pin and he sells a knee injury (ever since the second bicycle kick), allowing Fatu a pop-up Samoan drop and a Swanton Bomb- Alex rolls to the floor! Fatu finally meets him with a suicide dive, but Alex shoves him off the apron and hits a pescado & missile dropkick in the ring, leading to both dudes doing the “slow walk to a central showdown” spot, which looks pretty cool (Hammerstone limps badly, though his moves always look fine), then they do the old “New Japan shot-trading” cardio break, but Alex pays for his manliness by HEADBUTTING A SAMOAN, selling it and getting machine-gunned in the head with forehead! But Fatu punches himself out, only for Samael to grab Alex’s leg and spikes him in the tit when Fatu clotheslines him over the top! Fatu puts him on a table and drapes his Contra stable’s flag over Hammerstone’s body, and Moonsaults him through it– two! Alex fires up seeing that dreaded flag and we have a Hulk-Up moment, but Fatu KIPS UP (dude is like 260-280!) after a clothesline and charges- but Hammerstone is wise to him and hits a powerslam and fireman’s him up for the TKO (spinning cutter) at (27:29) for the pin and the titles! Hammerstone wins!

Hey, it got really good in the end! I liked it! But hoooooooooo man, this has “Going thirty for the sake of it” written all over it- that kind of “Forced Epic” that’s all the rage, especially at the indy-level when you “want to give people their money’s worth” and “have the best possible match” with = “going a really long time” even though ideally only the best workers can have great matches going over 20 minutes. Like I get that King’s Road has the GOAT in-ring but those guys are legit the BEST EVER, y’know? BUT once we hit the fifteen minute mark it’s actually a good match- rather than go with MOVEZ they aim to have a good bomb-throwing contest and both end up selling for a long time, justified by the match length and the level of their offense- this isn’t “2.9 wrestling”, as instead of spamming nearfalls they do stuff like “takes too long to pin” or “rolls to the floor after a big move”. I still have no idea how to penalize a match properly for the first half being so soft, despite having done reviews for years now, lol.

The first ten minutes was about 4-5 decent moves interspersed with a lot of fucking around- a decent enough way to kill time when you have to go thirty minutes. The next ten was a little better, though- it was slow but METHODICAL- instead of “hit a move, then pose for a full minute” it was “do a move, sell, do a move, sell” and a bit quicker with threading one thing into the other, plus the match’s length made it more okay to stall because each guy should be tired. Hammerstone was stiff as a board in there, unable to bend at the waist, which held him back but his timing was pretty good- I liked his comeback 15 minutes in- catch Fatu running a few too many times, then overhead suplex him into the corner, double-down, then hit a trio of running moves then keep the match mobile by rolling Fatu to the center and hit a near-fall off another charge- it doesn’t matter if you’re a stiff if you can RUN. And his selling and mannerisms were good as well- getting Hulked Up from a stable flag is a great call because in the weird world of pro wrestling it’s not like “kick out of finisher then hit your move” it’s like he’s FEELING IT and sheer hate moves him forward. Then the next real move is the one that wins it.

Rating: ***1/2 (a lot of unnecessary padding for 15 minutes, but the second half was really good, with lots of selling)

THE HEADHUNTERS (Headhunter A & B) vs. BLACK MAGIC & MANO NEGRA:
(CMLL, July 29th 1994)
* It’s more Norman Smiley in Mexico! He’s Black Magic, teaming with “Black Hand” (yes, really) against the infamous Headhunters, the rotund Puerto Rican twins notable for bloodbath matches. Negra is a short, dumpy Mexican guy with a black mullet (ATTABOY), black short and of course a… blue glove. He’s coming off a huge Atlantis feud where he lost his mask, but I’ve never heard of him before. Smiley’s in blue trunks and the Headhunters are in red tank-tops and baggy white pants.

Smiley starts with a Headhunter, being completely unable to affect him, going through all the usual tricks (lockup, headbutt, shoulderblock) and bouncing back each time. He takes a backrolling bump to the floor off a shoulderblock and eats an elbowdrop for two, and the fat boys do a drop-toehold/headbutt combo. Negra keeps interfering, but wusses out of fighting until being made to lock up- the Headhunter pokes him in the eye to stop a top wristlock and stands on him, but Norman’s in and everyone scraps. Norman takes a few shots to the nuts on the floor while Negra escapes a second-rope something in the ring. The rudos (?) double-team a Headhunter and he gleefully ignores their double-clothesline, then nails his own on them. Norman tries a slam and eats one in return, setting up a flying splash for two! Smiley trips him up but a front powerslam gets two on Negra and Smiley tries a slam for the 900th time, managing a sunset flip when Negra pulls the other twin off, but tandem pins get two. Negra clotheslines a Headhunter over the top and pescados him while Norman finally… FINALLY… manages that slam. Thank god they were going somewhere with that. But the Headhunter counters with the single laziest powerbomb I’ve ever seen in my life, simply letting go of the hold at chest-high (lmao is he just too tired to do more?), and pins Norman with a Moonsault at (8:50).

This was such a lazy damn match, haha. While you don’t go into a Headhunters match expecting effort, this was especially “meh the pay sucks so why bother?” kind of a deal. Norman trying endless bodyslams, the Headhunters not even bothering to run, etc. The twins barely sold and were even lazy doing regular stuff, with the other guys being little better (not that you can do much with such short, fat opposition). That powerbomb is hilarious, though- just releases at chest-high and Norman takes a super-light back bump as a result, making it look super soft. Maybe he thought Norman would get caught up on his gut?

Rating: *1/2 (an epically lazy, slow lucha match)