Rey Mysterio Jr.’s First Match (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I found a true rarity- a fancam of Rey Mysterio Jr.’s first-ever match, as “Colibri” debuts in 1989 at fourteen years of age, taking on a guy in Mexico! Then I look for Rey’s OTHER debut- the one in WWE, where he takes on Chavo Guerrero Jr. on WWE SmackDown! Watch me take the opportunity to throw some shots at AEW booking and agenting incompetence as I compare the job done HERE to the job done for acts like Hologram, whose opponent had a similar job to Chavo’s here- acting as a tackling dummy for all the wild moves of the new guy. Following that, it’s a request as we get WWF Champion Hulk Hogan facing Cowboy Bob Orton on WWF SuperStars on Memorial Day Weekend, in a match somewhat well-known for the top rope cable breaking mid-match, probably forcing a complete re-thinking of the match on the fly from the two veterans!

Then it’s over to a Canadian indie as the Motor City Machine Guns take on JUSHIN LIGER AND ULTIMO DRAGON! But it’s 2007 so uhhhhh get ready for Lazy U.S. Indie Style and an announcer who thinks imitating Howard Cosell is the height of comedy. Hoo boy the commentary is always the worst stuff on the indies. And finally I throw in a quickie as Tito Santana takes on Dangerous Danny Davis in the weeks before WrestleMania V!

COLIBRI vs. ????:
(Mexico, April 30th 1989)
* Yes, it’s the debut of REY MYSTERIO JR., as a 14-year old kid takes on some guy whose name I can’t even find out in 1989! Rey isn’t listed on Cagematch at all until 1992, which makes this a nearly-lost thing- Rey is recognizable even with this terrible home video transfer, though I can barely make out the color of his tights (purple?). Rey famously debuted as “Colibri” (Spanish for “hummingbird”), and is barely taller than the top rope here. His opponent is mere inches taller, and is clunky and squat. Let’s call him “Black Mask” for now.

They exchange “armdrag and bail to the floor” spots, probably the very first thing taught in lucha training school, then use AMATEUR WRESTLING WOO, Colibri actually doing a trip takedown and working a headscissors. “Black Mask” counters an armscissors but takes a variety of armdrags. He counters another one, but misses a goofy senton and gets sent to the floor, where he stalls. Colibri eats a weak clothesline, but gets the wheelbarrow armdrag and catches him up top with a headstand rana in the corner! Headscissors to the floor and Colibri does the Tiger Feint in his very first match, showing he’s been using that spot for 35 years. Black Mask eats two slingshot headscissors moves as this is increasingly just an exhibition for Colibri, bails, gets a dropkick, spinebuster and splats him with the “Eddie Bump” as Rey has already gotten the “reach desperately while selling” thing down. He gets shoulderblocked and just careens to the floor, rolling all the way to the chairs, and Black Mask hits an overhand chop to the chest that actually gets a two-count with no cover (is that how KOs work there?)- Mask pulls him up and they exchange flash-pins for a bit until Colibri puts him on the floor and hits an Asai Moonsault! In *1989*!?! That’s obviously the spot of the match, and they’re smart enough to leave it there, Colibri rolling in and winning by Count-Out at (8:34)! Wild!

This is about as good as a match between two children can be expected to be, as it’s largely an exhibition for all the cool spots Rey knows- the nephew of wrestler Rey Mysterio, he obviously had access to some kind of training and was probably instructed on each of these moves and wanted to show them to his opponent (who was probably also a kid, judging by his height). So it leads to a lot of repetition as he obviously knows 3-4 kinds of spinny armdrags, then gets knocked to the floor twice in nearly the same spot, and puts his opponent on the floor like seven times- more experienced workers usually shake this kinda stuff up a tad. But Colibri was already agile as hell and very smooth. Without sound it’s hard to tell how their crowd-work is (each guy seems to only gesture to the fans once or twice), but that’s a thing kids trying not to fuck up their spots should probably ignore a tad at first.

Rating: *1/2 (more or less an exhibition of spots from Colibri with the other guy doing very little- remarkable for his age, though)

REY MYSTERIO vs. CHAVO GUERRERO:
(WWF SmackDown!, July 25th 2002)
* And with that, I wanted to take a look at Rey’s *WWE* debut, as he finally heals up his legs enough to get signed by Vince. A lot of eyes were on this one, as they were airing hype videos of his spinny moves, but had the mission of introducing effectively a whole new face to the audience. Many fans would no doubt remember him, but 2002 was a long ways from WCW’s peak- this makes his reintroduction all-important. And notably, the guy facing him is the heel Chavo Guerrero, himself a good worker and someone well-trained in lucha (ie. he can take Rey’s weird shit and not get caught up). And right away you get a “BOOM!” and Rey bursts up from underneath the ramp in a never-before-seen entrance and they already have it- the fans know this guy is something special. I was watching this at the time with my friends, who’d never seen Rey wrestle.

Chavo pounces immediately, kneeing Rey in the gut and monkey-flipping him out of a double-knucklelock, giving us the first “this guy is something special” move as Rey uses the momentum to fling himself up onto Chavo’s shoulders and sunset flip him. Rey then leapfrogs him and then jumps backwards onto Chavo’s shoulders, then headscissors him when Chavo tries to spin him off! Rey fires some shots and does the “torito” (Manami/Jaguar Roll- my friend was agog at this move), but gets flipover German’d in a big bump. Chavo suplexes Rey onto the ropes, now working the stomach with shots and an abdominal stretch, but Rey flips onto him out of a pumphandle, but Chavo dropkicks him in mid-air off a leap from the second rope. Rey gets slid all the way out of the ring into a front-bump, then Chavo hits a gutbuster for two, really crushing the ribs. But another attempt at the “Eddie Bump” has Rey dropkick him in mid-air, then Rey baseball slides him to the floor and hits a corkscrew pescado! Rey hits a whoopie cushion in the ring and baseball slides him again, but Chavo drills the gut with a knee and tries a German, but Rey does a go-behind, dodges elbows because he’s so small & mobile, then catches Chavo trying to reach between his legs and flips him over for a flash-pin- SUPER precise lucha sequence there. Chavo boots him in the gut again and hits a Gory Bomb (which is ANOTHER front-face bump!), puts Rey into the corner chest-first, but ultimately gets too desperate- he charges into the corner and gets drop-toeholded into the ropes, and Rey swipes the “Tiger Feint Kick” from Silver King and hits what becomes known as the “619”, blasting Chavo mid-ring for the West Coast Pop (springboard rana)- not as insanely-quick as his “single-frame” WCW version but damn close- for the three (5:51)! Rey wins his debut and fights against Chavo’s rib work!

One of the best “Introduce the New Guy” matches ever- Rey gets to do all his amazing stuff while Chavo actually dominates the lion’s share of the match and doesn’t just look like a goober. This was the era of “work a body part” getting renewed focus after years of Attitude Era brawls- something only a few Power Plant/Indie guys had been trained to do any longer, allowing more versatile wrestlers who’d already been trained to shine. Here, Chavo directs a ton of moves into Rey’s ribs to try and slow him, not that it works- Rey instead does his best work once the match gets mobile- every time Chavo picks up the pace (ie. tries an Irish whip), Rey does something to counter him. Chavo was also excellent at making all of Rey’s moves look like they just came out of nowhere and “just happened” to look that good. Compare this to the AEW debut of Hologram, where the guy he was wrestling was noticeably focusing so hard on “basing” for all of Hologram’s “sit on the guy and flip him around” moves that you could see him concentrating and not moving a muscle the entire time Hologram was doing stuff- here, Chavo gets Rey popping up onto his shoulders, but instead of just standing stock-still, he looks angry, gets Rey covering his face to distract him, then attempts to spin him off (perhaps trying for a powerbomb), only to get headscissored out sideways. This all looks “in the moment” and like each move is a counter to what had happened before, not just exhibiting the other guy’s cool shit. The same thing with the “counter a German but gets flipped over and nearly pinned” spot- when Toni Storm & Saraya tried counters in a “World of Sports” style it was ridiculously business-exposing and an all-time bad in-ring moment, but here they’re so quick and precise it always looks like they’re going for something and just getting countered.

See, there’s a way to do this without being ultra-fake and showing obvious cooperation- both guys were cooperating here but you couldn’t see them actually standing around waiting for moves or desperately trying not to drop the other guy- they were MOVE MOVE MOVE and always focused on looking like they were trying to win the match. And look at the match-time- 6 minutes and we’re done- no massive back & forth, tons of finisher kickouts, eating dozens of moves then hitting two of your own to win- nothing. It’s just Rey starting out hot, Chavo countering him with laser-focus on the ribs, and Rey countering him with speed that Chavo had no answer for, being too wild to pin down. A great, quick affair that immediately sets Rey apart from everyone else in America at the time. Instead of “trying to have the best/showiest match possible” they made it entirely a showcase for Rey while not making Chavo look bad.

Rating: ***1/4 (phenomenal match for the time given)

WWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
HULK HOGAN vs. “THE ACE” COWBOY BOB ORTON (w/ Mr. Fuji):
(WWF SuperStars, May 23rd 1987)
* It’s Hogan vs. Orton! On the SATURDAY MORNING show! You almost never saw stuff like this back then! It’s Memorial Day weekend I guess, which apparently led to Hogan appearances in syndication. This is a rather notable one for an accident in the ring.

Orton actually starts hot by rushing Hogan into the corner, but Hulk comes back with punches and just stuffs him and they headlock each other in the ropes (havin’ a chat?) and Hogan just sends him flipping out of the ring with a huge clothesline, Bob going flying over the guardrail. Orton recovers fine, but just gives out a laundry list of cartoonish oversell bumps off of every Hogan move, obviously knowing how to impress the top guy, haha. Just a-flingin’ himself upside-down into and over the corner! Hogan slams him and drops two elbows, going like “how ’bout THAT?” to the fans to bring them into the match and Bob flat-backs off a clothesline for two. He eats ANOTHER clothesline in the corner and indeed the top rope snaps on impact, sending the red cable flopping around as Fuji hits the ring apron- Orton hits a knee to the champ and follows with a backbreaker and kneelift to put Hogan on the floor, where Fuji nails him with the cane repeatedly! Hogan’s now all dying in pain (once again, those bleach-blond eyebrows make him such a theatrical seller with that furrowed brow).

Back from break with Hogan maxing out his “omg I’m dying” selling and Bob gets a fantastic running elbow while Hogan’s draped over the apron. Bob tries an axehandle, holding on for dear life as all the ropes are wobbly, and hits a chinlock to kill time/figure out the rest of the match. Bob works sharp elbows while Hogan thrashes around like a dead fish, then smashes the back with a suplex, odd takedown from a chinlock, and methodical shots as they gotta work different since running into the ropes & corners is unsafe now. Hogan fights out of a chinlock and Bob indeed runs the ropes, going in ass-first and bent over so he doesn’t accidentally go flying over the middle rope, but he cuts off Hogan’s comeback with an uppercut off there. Hogan takes a weak bump off a neckbreaker as Ventura points out something- with the top rope the way it is Bob can’t use his Superplex finisher! He gets frustrated trying all this ground stuff for two-counts, and Hogan manages another comeback by smashing Bob into all the posts & buckles, but Bob again cuts him off, tries for a Missouri Jam but gives up because of the ropes and a regular-ass legdrop results in a HULK-UP! Hulk launches him off on the pin (Bob is a bit late with flinging himself so it looks weird) and Hogan finally gets a real comeback, no-selling Bob’s punches and ultimately hitting the Big Boot (throwing Bob into the CORNER so he can bounce off safely) and Drops the Leg for the three at (8:08 shown)! Hogan wins!

A very interesting match, as whatever they were going to do was probably badly messed up by the corner rope breaking- this made all rope-running incredibly unsafe (watch how both Bob and Hogan run into the ropes essentially bent over so their ass hits the middle rope, because hitting it standing up would send them flying over in a HUGELY unsafe bump), and since rope-running is one of the most reliable ways to keep a match looking mobile and action-packed, they were in a rough spot. Bob, an old pro, hit a few chinlocks to figure things out (you can see him calling spots a few times here) and went for “methodical brawling”, hitting some very precise, theatrical knees & elbows to wear down the champ. It had to be frustrating having to hit a weak regular legdrop instead of probably a middle-rope one (you can see him hit the bottom rope and realize he’s risking death trying it), and I’d imagine they were probably going for that or a Superplex into the Hulk-Up instead of that anyways, and then it’s the traditional Hogan victory. The match was pretty good in spite of the issues- the top rope breaking, if anything, made it more interesting and memorable than the basic Hogan Template match.

Rating: **3/4 (good showing by Bob, who had to do all sorts of wild bumping in Hogan’s half of the match, then control his end of the offense without the ring-ropes to help him- Bob was a really precise worker in his execution)

THE MURDER CITY MACHINE GUNS (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley) vs. JUSHIN THUNDER LIGER & ULTIMO DRAGON:
(UWA Hardcore Wreslting, May 26th 2007)
* hahaha this is AMAZING- two small flippy indie guys in matching shorts taking on two aging Japanese legends in UWA HARDCORE WRESTLING, where the puro dudes have to be like “lol wtf is this company even?” and ready for an easy night’s work while the other two have to be marking out over working with their heroes. UWA is amazingly in MISSISSAUGA, ONTARIO, which I mostly know from watching YTV back in the ’80s and ’90s, as they were always asking for viewer letters to be sent to PO Boxes in nearby Mississauga. The “Murder City” Machine Guns are usually from Motor City. Sabin looks INCREDIBLY douchey, sporting the haircut of the protagonist in every Disney Channel sitcom. Ultimo’s in grey and Liger’s in black with yellow trim (haven’t seen THAT look before), and both are so short the entire front row dwarfs them. I always forget they’re TINY. Like 5’6″ tiny manlets.

Already I’m annoyed by the commentator, who is doing this hideous put-upon exaggerated accent like he’s auditioning for a YTV cartoon. aaaaaaahhhh wait it’s “shitty imitation of a 1940s radio announcer” or like… Howard Cosell? Shit yeah it’s Howard Cosell. With the Ontarian “Owoot” for “out”.

ANYWAYS, the MCMGs attack early as they heel it up and kill time working over Liger, who sells everything theatrically and big (which also kills time). Ultimo flies in and makes them look like boobs, but they hit a drop-toehold/elbow and sandwich kicks to start back on him. The heels do the double-teams that made them eye-popping dudes back in the day (a wheelbarrow slam/facecrusher into a rolling bridge/dropkick, then twin rushing legdrops), alternating with restholds and messing with his mask, cutting off his strike-based comebacks with eyepokes and shit. Shelley with the Motor City Stretch (stf, sorta) for a bit and they double-stomp Ultimo and after TEN MINUTES of dominance, Ultimo gets launched and dropkicks Sabin, making the hot tag to Liger. Shotei palm strikes for everyone! Rolling kick to Shelley! Ultimo hits his kick-series twice over and knows what we all came here to see… Asai Moonsault! But back in the ring, Liger charges into Sliced Bread #2 into a frog splash and Ultimo has to save. Shelley climbs but Liger hits the Superduperplex after a long fight, and Ultimo hits a rana on Sabin and they exchange pins until Sabin hits an Ace Crusher and a backdrop-suplex-to-DDT for two, then the Cradle Shock (fireman’s to michinoku driver)- Liger saves. The MCMGs start superkicking Liger a bunch, toss the babyfaces into each other, but try it again and a do-si-do leads to their trademark strikes into Ultimo’s Dragon Sleeper while Liger hits the Ligerbomb on Shelley for three (13:30)! The puro guys win!

Indie 101: Let one team dominate for huge chunks, then simply thread in the other guys’ shit. Having watched a bunch of matches from this channel, I’m seeing that it’s not only a common sight, but DEFINITELY a deliberate template, as the Briscoes vs. Teddy/Evans, SAT vs. Sydal/Shelley and now this all got wrestled more or less the exact same way- heel dominance and lots of killing time and douche spots, then a counter leads to a bunch of planned crowd-pleasing babyface stuff. This time, that’s the standard Liger strikes followed by Ultimo’s trademark move. Then it’s a mini-comeback by the heels to hammer Liger… then Sabin just goes BEAMSPAM on Ultimo with all his flashy shit all in a row. You can tell Shelley didn’t care about getting his shit in because he barely hit anything and mostly bounced around like a good heel, but Sabin just had to show all his cool movez, lol. Super, super lazy match for the puro guys (esp. Liger), who just got to eat offense, make a crowd-pleasing comeback, then do a final comeback for the win.

Rating: **1/4 (harmless fun- lazy and a very Template Match style, but fitting for what it was)

TITO SANTANA vs. DANGEROUS DANNY DAVIS:
(WWF Wrestling Challenge, March 12th 1989)
* So when I was looking up Danny Davis matches and pretty much realized he was shit-worthless in the ring, I had a couple others on the docket but grew bored with them. But now I need a short match to fill out my column! So here’s Tito attempting to get some revenge from his Intercontinental Title loss! Davis by this point had lost all credibility and was a Brooklyn Brawler-tier act. Tito, wearing the Strike Force tights, is just about to be reunited with his injured partner at WrestleMania V... it doesn’t go his way.

Tito easily controls with the most basic stuff as we get a Brain Busters inset promo about how Tito’s not gonna be as successful “on OUR level!” while Heenan suggests Davis would be doing better with the Colonel Jimmy Hart in his corner. “The Colonel dumped him!”- Monsoon. “Oh, I didn’t know that” Bobby says matter of factly, essentially just burying Davis. Tito controls the arm a while before Davis comes back with punches and catches Tito with his head down, but comes off the top and takes one to the break basket. Back body drop & Flying Forearm finish it easily for Tito at (3:23). Just a long, slow squash to get over the angles of the day (mostly Heenan boasting about how he’ll be managing tons of champions- a prediction that came true!) and filling time before Tito hits WrestleMania.

Rating: 1/4* (a literal squash- Davis got almost NOTHING and his comeback was only seconds long)