Hulk Hogan & Bam Bam Bigelow vs. WWF Champion Ted DiBiase & Andre the Giant (and other Dream Matches!)

A rare shot of Ted DiBiase as the WWF World Champion.

WWF BOSTON GARDENS (Feb. 6th 1988):
* So I found a whole-ass Boston Gardens show on YouTube and my god LOOK AT THIS CARD! Hulk Hogan & Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Andre the Giant & Ted DiBiase! The British Bulldogs vs. The Islanders! LEAPING LANNY POFFO vs. TERRY GIBBS! What a supercard! But seriously, this is a fascinating combination of “Total Garbage Dump” mixed with Hogan in an A-tier main event, which seems like how they did the “A-Show” tours (B-Shows were headlined by the IC Title as often as not, I think). This also gives us George Steele in his later years against the One Man Gang, Ricky Steamboat against Dino Bravo, Sam Houston vs. Iron Mike Sharpe, Dangerous Danny Davis vs. Brady Boone and The Rougeau Brothers vs. Barry Horowitz & Steve Lombardi! Yes, they air THREE JOBBER MATCHES before the Hogan match.

Our hosts are Lord Alfred Hayes & Craig DeGeorge.

LEAPING LANNY POFFO vs. TERRY GIBBS:
* Lanny, in blue trunks, sucks up to the Boston fans and bemoans that they want to tear down the Garden before throwing frisbees into the ring. He’s barely a Jobber To The Stars at this point, Gibbs being just a jobber. He’s got an ’80s mullet but looks like the friend’s dad you were always scared of, just a scowling ugly barrel-shaped dude.

Gibbs actually uses HEEL STALLING to start and oh god I hope this doesn’t mean it’s going long and oh fuck now they’re doing long pithold exchanges, Poffo repeatedly hitting the “arm in the armpit” lock to ground Gibbs after every small exchange. Gibbs finally gets a cheapshot and a back elbow as the fans aren’t reacting to any of this, and a backbreaker gets two. He works the ropes on an abdominal stretch, then dodges an elbow & tosses Lanny, who is at least giving a good flourish to his selling, though it looks a bit silly watching him fling his arms everywhere on every shot. Kneelift leads to a bearhug and the generous fans are FINALLY beginning to get bored of this, but Poffo misses a dropkick and eats a neckbreaker. Gibbs keeps playing Flair to the point he climbs to the top, gets tossed off, and Poffo finishes with his shitty Moonsault at (9:50).

Rating: 1/2* (TEN MINUTES of this. It was perfectly adequately wrestled, in that they made no mistakes, but it was boring, neither was over, and neither even used any charisma or mannerisms to really get the fans into it. It was just 5 minutes of pithold into 4 minutes of Flair Lite and then a finish- like Ric would START a match like this but he’d use way more flourish to his shit and it’d actually go somewhere after a point)

THE ROUGEAU BROTHERS (Jacques & Raymond Rougeau) vs. BARRY HOROWITZ & STEVE LOMBARDI:
* The jobber dream team takes on the Rougeaus, then midcard babyface tag guys still. Horowitz looks different with long-ish curly locks but is still doing his self-backlapping thing and wearing neon green trunks. Lombardi is in blue trunks and is sadly shirtless here, revealing his burly hairy pecs. The Quebecois are in light pink trunks.

Jacques quickly monkey-flips both jobbers and holy god that ring isn’t budging an INCH on those bumps. The heels keep doing conferences to stall but their double-team backfires when Jacques flips Raymond into flipping both goofs and they dropkick them to the floor (poor Barry gets his ankle caught on the ropes and does the “failed shitcan bump of shame”). Barry finally gets something going by flying in with an axehandle from the apron. Lombardi with the worst short clothesline I’ve ever seen (basically falls forward and pulls Jacques with his wrist), but heelish tactics and dirty fighting actually get the fans a little worked up. Double-teams abound but Barry uses the ropes on an abdominal stretch just like the first match (sloppy agenting!) and they sorta wear out the welcome with another huge stretch of heel offense (Lombardi is so damn clunky in there), but finally Lombardi gets Flair Tossed off the top and Raymond gets the tag. A quick little sequence sees Lombardi nail Horowitz and get dumped, leading to Le Bomb De La Rougeaus (Jacques teabagging the opponent off the top while Ray holds them) for the pin at (11:22).

Another match held back by the HUGE length for what should be half that length, though it was much better than the first as there was actual heeling. Too many spots that were also in the opener, Lombardi was too clunky to be of much use (often getting in the way or just being loose and lazy), and 5 minutes longer than it should be, but otherwise okay.

Rating: *1/2 (almost a good, decent match! Just way too long for jobbers, even if they did have a solid match structure)

SAM HOUSTON vs. IRON MIKE SHARPE:
* The undersized brother of Jake Roberts is here to take on the burliest jobber in the WWF. Skinny Houston is in red trunks & Sharpe is in black.

Houston sends Sharpe scurrying with his rapid-fire footwork game, but gets flung back on some lockups, at which point we do some of the most shameless time-killing EVER with test of strength teases, finally locking Houston down and repeatedly kicking him, but Sam keeps using speed and technique to flip Sharpe around. Sharpe teases walking out but comes back and eats a sunset flip after a pittance of offense, but comes back with strikes- open-hand slaps and forearms. He gets a pretty good back elbow for two, but Sam gets an atomic drop only to Bret Hart right into the corner off a charge. Nice bump! Sharpe gets a big overhand club but spends so much time building his SmackDown! meter than Sam recovers, but Sharpe keeps clubbing him and oh god this just keeps GOING. Sam gets dumped, goes into the railing, eats a Baba Chop, etc., but after a billion years, scores a comeback of punches and a monkey flip, then gets whipped off the ropes and fires off a Bulldog for the with at (11:38). In comes Danny Davis for a beating, though! He hits an atomic drop

Oh jesus ELEVEN MINUTES of Iron Mike using every stalling trick in the book, jawing with the fans, posing, etc. Lots of CLUBBING BLOWS and he didn’t exactly screw anything up, but holy crap there’s almost nothing to it. Sam looks super weak for most of the match and scores a last-second win over a jobber.

Rating: 3/4* (it’d be fine of it was half the length- ** even. But it just goes on FOREVER)

A backstage interview with WORLD CHAMPION Ted DiBiase & Virgil, as indeed Ted has just screwed over Hulk Hogan, Andre pinned Hogan, and then Andre immediately relinquished the World Title to DiBiase for a huge sum of money. Ted with the World Title around his waist is a VERY rare shot as he was stripped of the belt not long after, and why this show is so notable. DiBiase talks about the upcoming match and says it’s “to add a little INJURY to insult” as he boasts about how Hogan’s gotta be going out of his mind and how “I did it to prove that it could be done” (“that’s not to say I couldn’t have done it myself…”).

Gee I wonder why Ted had neck problems in the early ’90s?

“THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN” TED DIBIASE & ANDRE THE GIANT (w/ Virgil) vs. HULK HOGAN & BAM BAM BIGELOW:
* Now THIS is a main event! Hogan and the latest “Hogan Buddy”, Bam Bam, taking on the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion, Ted DiBiase, and the biggest man in the business! Hogan, shaking with fury (or cocaine) makes his way down with Bam Bam to get his first taste of revenge, and WE IMMEDIATELY COMMENCE TO ASS-KICKING!

Hogan & Bigelow hit the ring immediately and start getting stomped, but both block punches and start waling on the heels. Andre actually looks vulnerable being chased into the corner to escape Hulk’s wrath, but then Hulk PULLS HIS HAIR in rage and the ref does the same to Hogan- lol I think Hogan thought that was DiBiase because he’s way-overselling it. The ref tells him to watch the hair but Hogan catches Ted charging in and boots him down. He dumps Andre and threatens to pound the ref for interfering (of course making sure to look at the fans like “should I do it?” to rapturous applause), but finally hits the ring apron so the “proper” match can start with Bam Bam knocking DiBiase around. Ted takes an absolutely INCREDIBLE bump head over heels with his neck cocked to the side off of Bam Bam’s clothesline and then HERE COMES HOGAN! He pantomimes like “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW TED- where’s your money now?” and Ted, for all his boasting in the promo, is like “NOOOOOOOOOOO wait a second I didn’t MEAN IT” and wimps out, so Hogan smashes him in the corner to draw in Andre.

Hogan just kicks Andre’s ass and poor Andre looks ROUGH, collapsing quickly and having to crawl over to Hogan, eat some punches and roll to the floor where the fight continues. But Andre trips up Hogan and chokes him so Ted can lay the boots in while the crowd is going NUTS screaming “Hogan! Hogan!”. Ted runs him into Andre, who comes in with his headbutt and then wraps his tights around Hogan’s neck while hiding it with his forearm. Hogan is just dead from that, getting clotheslined by Ted and actually doing the twitch-sell on the mat. Dibiase with three fistdrops in a row! A chinlock sets up Hogan’s comeback, as he dies to the mat but dramatically shakes up (Bam Bam doing desperate pleading while Andre’s leaning over like “Count him! He’s done!”) and a double-clothesline sets up the hot tag to Bigelow. Bam Bam waffles Ted all over the place, but that asshole Virgil TRIPS him and Ted drops an elbow, but gets Flair Tossed off the top! Hot tag Hogan and he beats Ted’s ass (another flipover bump from DiBiase) and catches Andre napping, then scores the Big Boot & Legdrop for the three (8:01)! Bam Bam immediately comes in with Humperkink’s goddamn scepter in his hands to fend off Andre, and Hogan brings in two chairs so he can stand up and triumphantly do the “belt around my waist” motion and talk shit on the failing heels- a showman’s showman.

Actually a super-short little match, hilariously shorter than all the garbage jobber matches we’ve had so far, but pretty much a classic case of giving them JUST enough and sending them home happy- Ted may be the Champion (for now- he’s stripped of the belt soon), but Hogan gets a measure of revenge. What’s funny is that Bigelow did almost NOTHING- Hogan runs most of the offense, then plays Ricky Morton, then gets a Gibson-style hot tag himself only a minute later! Andre’s handicap didn’t hurt things too much as Ted was bumping for five, twisting over onto his own head three times. Interestingly, the “on the apron” stuff was a study in contrasts- Bam Bam mostly sat there nervously pacing, not really “in character” except he looked a bit nervous, Andre mostly sitting there too until the chinlock/KO spot, at which point Bam Bam was pleading with the Hulkster and Andre was like “Haha YOU’RE DONE, HOGAN!” talking shit and leaning all the way over. Hogan, of course, was his typical giant ham self on the apron, drawing attention away from the in-ring and onto himself with his cartoonish fury and cheerleading. And of course Hogan just gobbles up everyone and treats even ANDRE like a guy whose ass he can kick any time he wants.

Rating: **3/4 (a great case of doing “just enough” for what a match needed to be- great bumping by Ted and great selling by Hogan)

RICKY “THE DRAGON” STEAMBOAT vs. DINO BRAVO (w/ Frenchy Martin):
* Dino, in green, is a well-protected Canadian heel, while Steamboat, in red, is the former Intercontinental Champion but still on Vince’s shit-list for asking for vacation time right after winning the gold. Given that Dino’s singles push is just revving up and Steamboat’s going to WrestleMania IV’s Title Tournament, this has “fuck finish” written all over it, or at least a screwjob pin.

Lots of stalling soon leads to Ricky eating a cheapshot, getting tossed into his “skin the cat” move, but altered by Frenchie trying to grab him and getting bopped for it so Ricky can complete the move and hauls Dino over with a backdrop. Oof, Dino made him WORK for that one. Double noggin-knocker to the heels! Ricky keeps taunting “Frenchy Frenchy Frenchyyyyyyyyyyyy!” but it’s not catching on as he works the arm. Dino’s actually making an effort to move & bump around, unathletic as he is, and he’s way more ripped here than he’d be near the end of his run, but Steamboat really has to work overtime to make some of this look good with his flailing selling style. Dino manages an inverted atomic drop and clothesline, again sending Ricky just flying- overhand clubs have Ricky all walking with his back arched, and a vertical suplex, snapmare & bearhug wear him down.Dino counters a slam by landing on him and drops an elbow for repeated two-counts, then clobbers him when Ricky fights out of a chinlock- back suplex gets two. Dino hits a massive side suplex (Lord Alfred pointing out “he disguises that move!” as they prep for a backbreaker thinking that’s coming, and then he drives them down differently- many guys gotta make points like that these days), but misses an elbow to cue the proper comeback- ten punches, a flying chop, ten turnbuckle shots and more, but Dino trips him and tries to pin with his feet on the ropes. But then Steamboat takes a bump to the floor and Dino follows him out for the inevitable Double Count-Out at (12:22). Yeah, figured that was gonna happen. But then Bravo gets on the mic after and calls out Ricky for “five more minutes!” and they brawl! Ricky takes the lead but Frenchy grabs him from behind for the obvious lure-job, but then Ricky dodges and Frenchy eats shit! The ref has to save Dino from punches and the heels escape, the fans having gotten their fun by seeing Frenchy & Bravo humiliated.

Actually not as bad as most Dino Bravo matches, as he was a little more limber here and Ricky’s as good a guy as you’re gonna get for “bounce off the totem pole” matches. Dino’s suplexes looked decent and Steamboat selling on his tippy-toes with his back arched is always fun. A bit slow and based around two long submission spots otherwise, but that’ll happen with 10-minute house show matches. I even liked how Dino kept trying for the pin multiple times on every move- yeah, you can bet that DINO BRAVO would try to find a shortcut to do more pins for less work, but he was consistent all match, even when cheating using the ropes- I like that in a heel. Smart move having a fuck finish but letting Frenchy get his ass kicked multiple times to spare Bravo.

Rating: **1/2 (maybe the best Dino Bravo match ever? Steamboat was a miracle worker, but even Dino was actually working hard)

DANGEROUS DANNY DAVIS vs. BRADY BOONE:
* Oh thank god- this was on the match listing, but set earlier. I was worried we would miss out on this masterpiece. Davis is in his ridiculous ref get-up and Boone’s a fit, smaller jobber in mustard-yellow trunks and a beard. He looks like a mini Billy Jack Haynes in here- he’s even from Portland, Oregon. Davis has the nerve to get on the mic and proclaim that he was the greatest referee of all time and “I was suspended for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!” and how nobody could buy him, and holy shit the fans still want him dead. Boone is my hero for attacking this blowhard mid-promo.

Boone sends Davis running and pouting, backflips, then cranks on a headlock, just whipping Davis’s ass. It isn’t until Davis grabs the ropes and Boone eats shit on a dropkick that he takes over with his patented “throw a stomp every once in a while” offensive flurry. They mess up an inside cradle (I think Davis got hung up and didn’t go down quickly enough) but Davis keeps on him, and Hayes is going overtime trying to put over how effective Danny’s offense is even though it’s just “Walk & Stomp” stuff and cheap shots. Boone makes a comeback with spinkicks, but goes for a Vader Bomb and accidentally completes the move, missing Davis’s lifted knees but selling it like he hit them. He then goes flying into the corner and Davis puts him down for a flying sit-out bomb to the chest at (8:00).

Well uhhhhhhhhhh it had psychology! Boone “hit the knees”, when chest-first into the corner, then ate a whoopie cushion to the chest! Of course we had to watch like six months of Davis clumsily move around with first-year offense and yelling to get there, but we got it! Boone had some real spring in his step and seemed to be trying REALLY hard, aiming for a push, but him hitting the bomb clean and selling like he didn’t was just unfortunate.

Rating: * (about as good as any Davis-controlled bout is likely to be)

They show an ad for Don Cherry’s This Week In Hockey, which is pretty wild- I know he coached the Bruins but I’d assumed his TV career was an entirely Canadian phenomenon. Frenchy Martin hits commentary hear for some godforsaken reason and makes everything MUCH worse.

THE ONE MAN GANG (w/ The Doctor of Style, Slick) vs. GEORGE “THE ANIMAL” STEELE:
* A pretty weird one, as the hotly-pushed One Man Gang takes on Steele, who I wasn’t even aware was still on the cards at this point. He gets a pretty good reaction, though.

Steele attacks before the bell, knocking the giant heel around, chasing Slick off, then PUTTING ON THE JEAN JACKET and Slick’s hat as the heels rage and pout. Gang finally catches George from behind when he goes for Slick. Slick adds some shots and George goes into the steel via this distraction, but Steele bites his arm off a clothesline. They mess up a backdrop to the floor spot, then stall a bit and try again, Gang now going over. But Slick again earns his pay by distracting George and the Gang hits a clubbing blow to the back that gets the “Distraction-Based Moves Always Pin” WWF-style thing at (4:25). Well at least it was short. After the match, Steele uses the cane on Gang, then brings in Slick for a punch and a slam

Rating: * (a match entirely based around comedy spots, George going for the manager and Gang begrudgingly having to bump for him)

THE BRITISH BULLDOGS (Davey-Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) vs. THE ISLANDERS (Haku & Tama):
* The Islanders, sans-Heenan, have kidnapped Matlida, recently returned (with the fans writing “Get well, Matilda!” letters in some great carney grift, as this was to get addresses to send their catalogues to), and are in an ongoing feud with the Bulldogs- Tama brandishing an empty dog-collar & leash for the lolz.

The Bulldogs come down and immediately start brawling with the Islanders, Davey-Boy actually headbutting Haku and not dying, and the Bulldogs control him for a while. Dynamite gets the dreaded “failed shitcan”, TWICE not getting Haku over, so he settles for a snap suplex. Davey-Boy eats a backdrop suplex but knocks Tama around. Dynamite with a piledriver and Tama does his “gets slingshot into the ring” spot and gets press-slammed. Man the repeated headbutts the Bulldogs are throwing with no pain are weirding me out. Tama goes to the eyes and Haku does the “walk & stomp”. Back suplex, clothesline and legdrop continue the long beating on Dynamite. They tease the hot tag, but since Tama runs in the ref doesn’t see it, but Tama misses a senton and Davey-Boy comes in with a clothesline & hanging vertical suplex on Haku- Running Powerslam is a sure pin, but Tama comes in and they do a double-team flying splash while the ref’s dealing with an angry Dynamite, but he charges in to break up THAT pin and it’s a free-for-all. Dyno gets so worked up he grabs the dog leash and starts whipping the Islanders with it, leading to the Disqualification at (12:53)- Islanders win, but Dyno clotheslines them both with the leash to send the fans home happy. Did that feud ever actually get a blow-off?

Rating: ** (just “whatever”- REALLY long heat sequence that didn’t have much effort behind it. Decent moves when they chose to do them, though)

A pretty wild show- imagine putting on like 3 competitive matches and then loading the rest with a total garbage dump- BOONE vs. DAVIS? Iron Mike Sharpe taking on SAM HOUSTON? And all this shit was like 10+ minutes long even with all these scrubs wrestling! There’s a reason Sharpe, Lombardi, Davis, Boone and others were jobbers- they had enough “go” for a minute or two, but ask them to fill 10-11 minutes and suddenly it’s “let’s do a test of strength!” for two minutes, lots of the “Walk & Stomp” to kill time, restholds, and more. They do NOT have the offense to fill all that time. But seeing Hogan in his prime going nuts on heels is always funny, even as he gobbles up every bit of offense for himself. We sadly miss out on what was WWF Ladies’ Champion Sensational Sherri facing Rockin’ Robin. Sherri won in five, apparently.