Dream Matches — page 2

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I found a TON of disparate stuff! First off, the culmination of the Sammartino/Piper house show feud, as we get Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Bruno Sammartino in a STEEL CAGE! With outstanding heel selling by Piper and some S-tier babyface energy by Sammartino in an amazing showcase of each guy’s qualities! And then I have a real doozy- Men on a Mission EXPLODES! With a 2004 match between King Mabel and a very obese Mo! And not just any match… a SUBMISSION MATCH in a dying Memphis promotion in a tiny studio! You gotta see what moves they pull off!

Next up, the Steiner Brothers squash the Master Blasters in 1991 WCW! Come see Kevin Nash & Al Green in their earliest days! Then it’s Blackjack Mulligan vs. Tiger Chung Lee in 1987 WWF! Memphis jobber Rockin’ Randy teams up with the Reaper to face The Southern Rockers (Well Dunn), and then he appears as Jerry Fox in a squash against recent WWE Hall of Famer Sycho Sid! Rick Martel vs. Hardbody Harrison in 1998 WCW! And finally, a documentary on PWI #500 for 2022, “Big Dust” Dustin Wilson!

STEEL CAGE MATCH:
ROWDY RODDY PIPER vs. BRUNO SAMMARTINO:
(WWF, Boston Garden Steel Cage Showdown, 1986)
* This is the culmination of the Piper/Sammartino feud, started mostly because Piper was being an asshole to everyone, and “everyone” also includes Sammartino, who may be in his 50s, but also doens’t take shit off of fools, of whom Piper is the high king. Piper was talking mad shit to Bruno and Italian people, Piper uttered an ethnic slur and popped him in the balls, then teamed up with Bob Orton to beat Bruno down. Assorted matches resulted, and this is the end one. Bruno, as Gorilla notes, has been in more of these than anyone, and he & Jesse Ventura point out the disfigurement and brutality of cage matches (“Pain? Disfigurement? Having your face raked like a piece of lettuce across the cage?”). This is escape rules, as always, disallowing SISSY THINGS like “pinfalls” and “submissions” like those soft wrestlers in the NWA. You must escape the cage LIKE A REAL MAN. Beat your opponent to a pulp to escape and that’s it. Ventura is blunt that he hates these matches- “I go on record, Gorilla. I don’t LIKE these matches. Can you imagine if the Body were to get in this, all the women throughout the world, the VOID that would be left in their hearts?” “Well you’d just have to use more makeup than you’re using now, Jess” “… that bill’s gettin’ expensive enough”. “haahahahah”. And of course in the Boston Garden, Piper comes out with “Super Bowl Champions- The Chicago Bears” on his t-shirt and two fucking BEARS POSTERS, which he proceeds to tape up inside the cage. This man is a genius, hahaha. Like cheap heat is one thing, but he always finds a way to “plus” things and annoy people even more.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And now, thanks to a Scott Keith review, I have been aware of the ultimate FAT MAN STAND-OFF that was yet to hit YouTube until now! It’s YOKOZUNA vs. MABEL in their first match against one another! In an 11-minute Superstars bout! Following that, a Burly Meaty Brawl if equal ferocity if not magnitude, as Stan Hansen takes on Terry Gordy in 1986 All Japan! Then another rarity, as the three-man Demolition team, Ax, Smash and Crush, do a six-man tag against “Teaming With Jobbers”-era Rugged Ronnie Garvin, Jose Luis Rivera & Tim McPherson! Watch which jobber has his bumping boots on!

Next up, it’s one more TEIJO KHAN match, as the violent “Asian” menace teams up with The Barbarian to face the Rock ‘N’ Roll Express in 1986! Then a request, as the Ric & David Flair vs. Curt Hennig & Barry Windham match is built up by Chris Benoit & Steve “Mongo” McMichael taking on Hennig & Windham on WCW Thunder in 1999! And then finally, it’s the PWI #500 of 2021, as apartment comedy wrestler Lulu Pencil takes on both Trans-Am Hiroshi and Antonio Honda!

YOKOZUNA (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. MABEL (w/ Oscar):
(WWF Superstars, March 22nd 1994)
* HELL YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! The ultimate FAT MAN STAND-OFF!!! 1,000 lbs. of humanity! That’s like ten Young Bucks! These two actually fought off and on over the years, but never had a protracted feud. Even Cornette was like “you don’t book the two giants against one another!” and I’ve had it explained that “put the biggest guy vs. the other biggest guy” is “mark thinking” but excuse me if I don’t MARK OUT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! This is very shortly after Yokozuna lost the WWF Title. Sadly music & crowd noise are set way too loud here, preventing us from listening to Stan Lane & Ted DiBiase’s commentary and Oscar’s legendary enunciation as he raps Mabel to the ring. The Hammerstein Ballroom is ELECTRIC for Mabel, waving their hands in the air like they do not care.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I felt like going through another WCW Nitro from the WCW YouTube channel- this one featuring GLACIER vs. BOBBY EATON of all things! Also a big variety of other stuff- Big Bubba vs. Konnan in a Strap Match, Kevin Sullivan squashing Chavo Guerrero Jr., Eddie Guerrero vs. Alex Wright, an amazing Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Psychosis performance, Lord Steven Regal defending the TV Title against Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Arn Anderson in street clothes against Jeff Jarrett, Lex Luger vs. Meng, Harlem Heat vs. The Amazing French Canadians, HUGH MORRUS vs. JIM POWERS, and a big interview featuring the nWo and Hulk Hogan’s PPV opponent, The Giant!

And finally, the PWI #500 for 2000, Dan the Dad, taking on one of the guys to play Curry Man!

WCW MONDAY NITRO:
(Jan. 6th, 1997)
* I wanted to check out another Nitro, but most of the other 1997 stuff is just continuations of the one I just did, and feature some LONG story segments (including THAT infamous Piper one), which isn’t quite what I want for this sorta recap. Our first-hour hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko!

GLACIER vs. BOBBY EATON:
* SPECTACULAR. A failed Mortal Kombat ripoff vs. a fading veteran. Eaton was used as a jobber for the last 6-ish years of his WCW career I think. Here he’s up against the still-new Glacier, who is carrying a helmet he won in some sort of backstory touranment (they were attempting a mythology of sorts around this helmet and his fighting career, with Mortis as a former foe, but it mostly got dropped for “they hate each other” and wasn’t dwelled on). Larry actually goes hard in putting over Glacier and how he had to work on the katas and mixing the hard and soft styles together. Glacier wearing the Sub-Zero ripoff gear reminds me that he should actually wrestle using the mask, which makes him look cooler than “some white guy with weird contacts”.

Eaton takes some kicks as Larry Z writes off his singles capabilities (“Great tag team partner, but…”)- Glacier stops his comeback with hiptosses and they mess up a leapfrog spot (Glacier ROLLS under him, which has his leg catch Bobby’s), then poor Bobby has to eat three big kicks in a row, Glacier sorta coming at him from all angles as this is looking messy. Like Eaton “kicks out” but Glacier might be leaning on him for real so it looks bad. Glacier leapfrogs him and hits a Superkick to end it at (1:54). Poor Eaton, haha. This was looking ugly- Glacier is sorta coming at him from all sides so Bobby is just doing his best to fling himself around off of it. Signifcantly more time was spent on Glacier doing his kata with Tony Khan’s weekly coke budget flowing around him.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have some requests, as there’s a 1997 Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu match… in ALL JAPAN, as Baba brings in ECW’s hellraisers for a very “ECW” spotfest in the middle of the promotion a lot of Westerners have mistaken as being the most drab and serious of the companies out there! And then more All Japan sees a 1982 brawl between Terry Funk and STAN HANSEN! Come watch the two best sellers of the ’80s go completely wild in a berserker brawl that soon draws the entire ringside into the ring! Then it’s Perry Saturn vs. Psychosis from a 1998 WCW Thunder!

Following that, it’s a look at one of the very first “Failed Attempted to Counter-Program to WWE” promotions- the XWF! This company featured Jimmy Hart, Tony Schiavone, Greg Valentine, The Wall and a host of other guys WWF didn’t want from WCW’s death, and it’s before NWA-TNA or any other company tried it! And the match is giant monster Emory Hale as “Hail” vs. Marty Jannetty! I take a look at shitty micro-indies with fat indie loser Hellraiser Hark taking on Kevin Dark in a chain-link Steel Cage Match in front of thirty people! And finally, our PWI #500 showcase of the week has young Corey Storm (2019’s #500), fighting Jonathon Wolf in a “high schoolers cosplaying as Will Ospreay” indie shitshow, and then a better appearance from 2023 as the renamed Corey Calhoun takes on Adrian Alexander for the “Nice Guy Andy Podcast” Title! Yeah I dunno either!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a REAL dream match for you… it’s the WCW Special- an “on paper” dream match that totally sucks and disappoints! It’s Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, who of the all-time legends, versus “would-be” legends Lex Luger and Sting! Except it’s WCW Nitro in late 1999, which means everyone involved has long since stopped giving a shit! And Sting is in his addict phase! Holllllllllllly shit you should see his work here!

Then it’s a look at the “Asiatic” wildman Teijo Khan the Great, aka a very Caucasian man swinging his arms around and growling a lot, as he enters Memphis territory in 1987 and messes with Bill Dundee! Plus I found a short squash against future Blake Beverly, Mike Enos! Also I found a match where he takes his “White guy pretending to be Asian” gimmick TO JAPAN, as he faces Yoshiaki Yatsu & Shunichi Nakano while teaming up with Invader #1 as commentary openly makes fun of how short they are! Then it’s a classic WCW Saturday Night type of contest, as I finally get MORE JIM POWERS CONTENT in here as he takes on Fit Finlay in 1998! Then Barry Windham takes on giant jobber Emory Hale in a 1998 Nitro! And then I take a look at Hale’s go-nowhere Saturday Night push as the monster “Hail”, as he demolishes one jobber a week in early 2000- Chuck Coates, Mike Jones (Virgil!), Chad Hart (doing a Bret Hart riff) and Cassidy Riley! And then it’s the PWI #500 guy for 1998 (sorta), PUF, a 400+ lb. American who mostly wrestles in Canada, as he takes on AEW wrestler John Silver in an indie in 2020!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a big-time All Japan Triple Crown defense for you, as Steve Williams heads to All Japan and takes on JUMBO TSURUTA for the top crown in the promotion! Come see how the old lion takes on the new, young challenger! Then it’s a look at the MONGOLIAN MAULER, as some no-talent takes on a 1970s “Wildman” gimmick in 1990 and somehow gets a *WCW* run out of it, teaming up with Stunning Steve Austin against Brian Pillman & Dustin Rhodes! Oh and he is REALLY bad. Fascinatingly bad to the point where you actually learn a bit about how pro wrestling works and is planned because he keeps cocking it up! And I also found a squash he did against the future ROAD DOGG, Brian Armstrong! You gotta see this guy’s finisher.

Then more WCW squashes, as Disco Inferno faces Hardbody Harrison! Also the most WCW Thunder match possible, with Rick Fuller taking on Sick Boy! And finally, the PWI #500 guy of the week is 2016’s entrant Timmy Lou Retton, aka TIM, as he faces the entrant of 2017… “Progressive Liberal” Daniel Richards. Oh dear.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this week is a TREAT! Roy Lucier’s awesome All Japan channel is the gift that keeps on giving, as he pulls out all sorts of great obscurities, such as the singles match between Jumbo Tsuruta and CACTUS JACK during Mick Foley’s tour of AJPW in 1991! Two of the greatest and smartest workers in the history of the wrestling business- talk about a guaranteed ****+ MASTERPIECE, amirite?? Surely it’s not Jumbo in slack-ass mode with Foley as a jobber pin-eater!

Plus I got a great co-headliner- a FAT MAN STAND-OFF on Saturday Night’s Main Event, featuring King Kong Bundy vs. Uncle Elmer in the latter’s final WWF match! Will there be shoulderblocks? Will they be no-sold by virtue of obesity? READ AND FIND OUT! A look at the Dangerous Alliance era of WCW, as Larry “The Cruncher” Zbyszko, Beautiful Bobby & Arn Anderson take on “Heavy Metal” Van Hammer, Todd Champion and Firebreaker Chip! Then not one, but TWO Kaos vs. Bobby Duncum, Jr. matches on WCW Saturday Night, as the weird “Kenny Kaos Sorta Push While Other Stuff is Going On” continues! And finally, one of Dan Severn’s few WWF squashes, as he takes on jobber Al Phillips as “G.I. Bro” in 1998’s Shotgun Saturday Night! And finally, my PWI #500 series continues with none other than 2015’s entry, comedy indie wrestler Space Monkey!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have the famous match where the Nasty Boys decided to make up a resume, working their asses off as free agents to get a fat WWF contract as they work a masterpiece of a tag match against the Steiner Brothers! Then the most amazing “1999 WCW” match possible, as Kenny Kaos and BOBBY EATON team up… against La Parka & Silver King!

Next up, it’s some WCW jobbery goodness, as WCW Worldwide sees THE PUG UNLEASHED, as Alex Porteau tries his level best against brutal jobberslayer Fit Finlay! And finally, our PWI #500 guy of the week is Scotland’s GRADO, an “Everyman Wrestler” taking on Temu Justin Credible, Chris Renfrew, in a hardcore ICW Title match in a UK indie. Plus an extra one, as I saw the name “Cloudy” and figured I had to check out someone named THAT- he’s a skinny indie guy taking on future WWE guy Joe Gacy in 2016!

NWA UNITED STATES TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE STEINER BROTHERS (Rick & Scott Steiner) vs. THE NASTY BOYS (Brian Knobs & Jerry Sags):
(WCW Halloween Havoc 1990)
* This is a pretty famous one- the story goes that the Nasty Boys were working without a contract, so wanted to impress people and make themselves into hot free agents, so decided they were going ALL-OUT tonight. Famously sloppy, ugly dudes, they nonetheless had a lot of “go” at times and you never know what people are capable of. The Nasties apparently bloodied the Steiners and had them stretchered out after the contract signing, so as the Steiners head down they charge the ring and IT’S ON.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And as a headliner I found the most AMAZING rarity from the WWE YouTube channel’s recent uploads- the one and only time “Macho Man” Randy Savage has teamed up with the Undertaker! And it’s against RIC FLAIR AND THE BERZERKER!

Following that it’s WCW greatness with Cactus Jack taking on the mighty Arachnaman (Brad Armstrong in a Temu Spider-Man get-up)! I find more matches featuring the “Rick Fuller Division” of WCW as Fuller teams up with Maxx Muscle against the Steiner Brothers on WCW Worldwide! And not one but TWO matches featuring gigantic 6’6″ Jobber Emory Hale in WCW, first as he takes on Mike “Blake Beverly” Enos and then the mighty VAN HAMMER in short D-Show matches! And finally, this week’s PWI 500 guy is Troy Stevens, indie goober from Connecticutt, as he takes on former AEW jobber Sonny Kiss! And then I found one as a rookie from 2015 against The Amazing Red where the poor kid has to be carried all match long!

“MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE & THE UNDERTAKER (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. RIC FLAIR & THE BERZERKER (w/ Mr. Perfect & Mr. Fuji):
(WWF House Show, July 21st 1992)
* AMAAZZZZZZZINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! What a bizarre Dream Match! This features the one and only team-up of two of the biggest stars in history- Savage & Undertaker! And their opponents are an even bigger “WTF?”, combining Ric Flair and the Berzerker. Berzerker was the silliest gimmick here and the lowest-ranked guy, suggesting to me he’s either eating the pin or we’re getting a fuck finish. Savage somehow pulls off looking like a masculine bad-ass despite wearing neon green & floral print blue with pink tassels everywhere. Everyone’s wildly into character, Taker being an unfeeling zombie while Berzerker’s stomping around the ring already, cocky Flair going like “hey now…” as he’s trying to control his psychotic partner. lol ‘Zerker just grabs the ref and pulls him aside which didn’t look fun for poor Earl Hebner. Savage is the current WWF Champion.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week is the last in my 3-Nitro review set as the WCW YouTube Channel put up three consecutive WCW Monday Nitros from early 1997- this is the March 10th SPRING BREAK Nitro from 1997! This one features the nWo (still with Sting in tow) announcing that Dennis Rodman had joined the stable, and the famous disollution of the Roddy Piper Family after last week’s disastrous show and segment!

Also here are a variety of matches- Eddie Guerrero vs. JIM POWERS for the US Title as Eddie’s issue with Dean continues! The Mongo & Jarrett team try to reach a united front against up & coming High Voltage! Scotty Riggs prepares to fight Buff Bagwell, but first must overcome dorky babyface Chris Jericho! Ultimo Dragon & Juventud Guerrera, big names for “cold TV matches”, are sent out to die against one another! Prince Iaukea defends the TV Title against Steven Regal’s partner, Squire Dave Taylor! Diamond Dallas Page gets another squash, this time against Sgt. Craig Pittman! Kevin Sullivan of all people gets a squash against Hardbody Harrison! Rey Mysterio Jr. gets built up against GALAXY (Damien in a mask)! And the all-time most bizarre “Only in WCW” Dream Match possible, The Giant, Lex Luger & The Steiner Brothers face Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, Roadblock & The Amazing French Canadians!

With WCW’s AMAZING Spring Break set, WHO WILL GO INTO THE POOL!?!

WCW MONDAY NITRO:
(Spring Break, Panama City, Florida, March 10th 1997)
* HELL YES IT’S A SPRING BREAK NITRO! The last in this set posted to WCW’s YouTube channel, this features the end of “Piper’s Family” (who debuted, of course, the week prior) and gives us another look at the phenomenal Nitro Spring Break set- the ring is set up around a POOL, with fans split off and in the stands. It’s a phenomenal setting for wrestling, full of raucous college students. And right ouf the gate we get the announcement that Dennis Rodman has joined the nWo and we see him with Hulk Hogan! And RODDY PIPER arrives with his confused, kilt-wearing “Family”, John Tenta and those two other guys I forgot the names of already! Well we haven’t seen the last of THEM- surely they’ll get named!

haha, you got a hot crowd, raucous fans, an amazing set, HOW DO YOU HOOK THEM? Rage & Kaos, of course!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have one I’ve been curious about for a LONG time- the infamous Ric Flair/Scott Steiner Clash of the Champions match that led to a lifelong grudge from Scott to Flair, accusing the Nature Boy of “sandbagging” him and deliberately making the match worse to hurt Scott’s career! Various people have interjected at this point, with Lance Storm seeing “I can kind of see it!”, so I wanted to check it out for myself and see what Flair was doing, precisely.

Next up, a classically “WCW D-Show” match with El Dandy vs. Rick Fuller on WCW Worldwide! The giant jobber takes on the shrimpy, dumpy jam-up guy in a quick one! And then I find a LATER Rick Fuller match, as he’s put against WCW’s new giant hireling, HAIL! Apparently a tall guy I’ve only vaguely heard of, getting a micro-push before WCW died! Next up, another failed would-be star, as WWF hire GLENN KULKA appears in two matches for Power Pro-Wrestling, a WWF developmental territory in the late ’90s- first he takes on KURT ANGLE while Kurt was getting seasoned for the WWF, and then Dangerous Doug Gilbert (oh yeah, that’s a Memphis territory alright). Finally, today’s PWI #500 guy- Gino Martino! A once-obese New York powerlifter takes on The Giant Pharaoh in a tiny hall with an insanely hard ring!

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
RIC FLAIR vs. SCOTT STEINER (w/ Rick Steiner):
(WCW Clash of the Champions XIV, Jan. 30th 1991)
* The WCW YouTube channel uploaded the famous Flair/Steiner match! This one is somewhat famous, especially these days, as Scott has accused Flair of “sandbagging” him during the match to make it worse and thus hold him down. As Scott was stuck in tag wrestling until 1998 or so, that’s a bit strange, but Lance Storm said watching the match with that accusation in mind, “I can kind of see it!”. Which isn’t really a corroboration exactly but Lance would know 100 times better than I would if a guy was actually trying to sandbag a match, so take that for what you will (it’s not a pure accusation, either). Scott has 4-5 years in the business at this point and minimal experience in singles, but got so much attention from fans that WCW basically HAD to push him. Flair is back then “only” 41, in yellow trunks with a terrible ’90s haircut, and Scott’s in a neon orange singlet. NJPW President Hiro Matsuda comes out before the match to hype Flair vs. Tatsumi Fujinami in a couple months, and then El Gigante comes out to hype up his WCW career, standing a full two heads taller than anyone else in the ring and high-fiving Scott.

WCW MONDAY NITRO:
(Atlanta, Georgia, March 3th 1997)
* There’s a bunch of Nitros on the WCW YouTube page, and I was gonna grab another random one, but found this one and… oh no. Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Oh yes, this is the time they did the infamous “Roddy Piper Recruits A Bunch of Scrappy Guys” angle. Also tonight is Dean Malenko vs. Mike Enos! A spectacular dream match of Michael Wallstreet vs. Scotty Riggs! Plus Jeff Jarrett & Steve McMichael vs. Hugh Morrus & Konnan, Juventud Guerrera vs. Ray Mendoza Jr. (an unmasked Villano IV), Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon, Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Mr. JL, and the Steiner Brothers vs. Lex Luger & The Giant! Plus interviews with Eric Bischoff and HIS boss, Madusa, and more!

Right at the beginning, we see the nWo arrive (then Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Macho Man, Michael Wallstreet, Vincent, Miss Elizabeth, Ted DiBiase, Syxx & Scott Norton). Then it’s Dr. Harvey Schiller, the President of Turner Sports (and thus a guy ahead of Bischoff in seniority)! Importantly, this is in Atlanta, GA, home base of WCW (and its parent corporation).

JEFF JARRETT & STEVE “MONGO” McMICHAEL (w/ Debra McMichael) vs. HUGH MORRUS & KONNAN (w/ Jimmy Hart):
* It’s the Four Horsemen still having an issue with the Dungeon of Doom, as we continue the boring “can JJ be accepted as a Horseman?” angle. Morrus got a squash win last week so is sorta getting more focus. Konnan’s still doing his rapper thing even though he’s in a Spooky Stable.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, something a little different- I found an entire episode of WCW Monday Nitro from 1997 to watch! Public Enemy vs. Steve McMichael & Jeff Jarrett! Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. jobber luchador Galaxy! Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera! The Faces of Fear vs. Eddie Guerrero & Chris Jericho as dorky babyfaces! Dean Malenko vs. Ultimo Dragon! Hugh Morrus vs. Joe Gomez! Diamond Dallas Page vs. Squire David Taylor! Ice Train vs. La Parka! Prince Iaukea vs. Pat Tanaka! And WCW Tag Champions Lex Luger & The Giant are set to go against Harlem Heat!

WCW MONDAY NITRO:
(WCW, Feb. 24th 1997)
* Live from Sacramento, California! It’s Tony Schiavone, & Larry Zbyszko and the nWo is wild!

PUBLIC ENEMY (Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge) vs. THE FOUR HORSEMEN (Steve “Mongo” McMichael vs. Jeff Jarrett, w/ Debra McMichael):
* Public Enemy (no “The”) defeated the Faces of Fear & Harlem Heat last night in a triangle match. And they’re taking on the Horsemen! Except it’s the worst two ever (YES INCLUDING ROMA)- McMichael, who could barely work and was beloved as the boys’ coke supply and Jarrett during one of his many “ACKNOWLEDGE THIS GUY AS A STAR! P-please? Pretty please?”, with no less than Ric Flair coming out and begging fans to accept Jarrett as a Horseman. It never worked, to the point where Jarrett bailed on the company for the #2 WWF and a re-push THERE. He became a Horseman last night after beating a suspicious Mongo when he grabbed Debra’s tossed briefcase. Public Enemy’s music is edited out for some generic stuff instead of their “Hotstepper” knock-off, which makes all their swaying mis-timed to the music now.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I found an AMAZING match while digging for Avatar matches- it’s THE HEADHUNTERS vs. Aldo Montoya & Avatar on a WWF RAW dark match!! Two of the lamest acts in WWF history versus the guys who showed up at the 1996 Royal Rumble and disappeared forever! Avatar is of course Al Snow as a masked high-flier, while the Headhunters (as the “Squat Team”) showed up only for the Rumble and then did one extra dark match before being sent off to ECW & FMW. This is a fancam match as well, AND features a screw-up due to carelessness! Read on!

Next up, an equally strange find, as the Russians head to ALL JAPAN- it’s Nikita Koloff & Krusher Kruschev (Barry “Smash” Darsow as a Russian turncoat!) vs. legends Jumbo Tsuruta & Genichiro Tenryu! With what I imagine is some SASS from Giant Baba on commentary! Then my PWI #500 searches continue- the only Mike Paige match I could find as he wrestles Sean Cordova in an embarrassingly tiny building, and indie dweeb Chrisifix vs. Nick Fury in Asylum Pro Wrestling!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a great unique one inspired by the retirement of the Ace, Hiroshi Tanahashi! The legend has just given up his boots, but was once a young rookie, told by a foreigner “you are the future”. And we’re pretty sure that foreigner was Scott Hall, and so I have that very match where he faces the “Japanese Young Boy” and runs through all his offense in preparation for a World Title match against Keiji Mutoh! So come see Scott Hall vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi, back when he was a generic Young Lion!

Then it’s a timely match, as “Dancin” Stevie Richards makes his WCW debut against Lenny Lane on WCW Saturday Night in 1997! Stevie only lasted a few months in the company as they mostly redid their ECW feud with him & Raven, but as Lane has JUST appeared on Stevie’s YouTube show/podcast, it’s fitting to do it now! I found an AMAZING rarity with the Blackjacks doing an AWA run in 1984… against Nick Bockwinkel and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan! With BABYFACE Blackjack Mulligan & Lanza!

Then my PWI #500 continues… and coincides with the run of THE DICKS in 2005 WWF! These two goobers featured #500 in 2003, Billy Kryptonite as “Chad Dick” and Tank Tolland as “James Dick”, allowing the company to make dick jokes as they fought the shittiest incarnation of the Legion of Doom (Animal & HEIDENREICH)! So come see TWO matches, as the girthy, vascular Dicks take on first the Legion of Doom in their SmackDown! debut, and then face Scotty 2 Hotty and Funaki on Velocity! And finally, it’s Bob “Hardcore” Holly in his indie run in 2014, wrestling at 51 years old against the top star of Booker T’s promotion in Texas, The Mysterious Q! With STEVIE RAY as Hardcore’s manager!

SCOTT HALL vs. HIROSHI TANAHASHI:
(New Japan, Sept. 9th 2001)
* This is from a washed-up Scott Hall’s six-month run through New Japan (he was part of Chono’s Team2000 and culminated in a loss to Keiji Mutoh). The giant foreigner is set to take on one of the many faceless NJPW Young Lions- then a nobody Hiroshi Tanahashi. Already the kid has a GREAT look with a then-trendy haircut- not nearly as magnificent as his mane would later become, but not bad. The bookers had to be salivating over his prospects like “please be good please be good please don’t wash out”. Tana has claimed that a foreign wrestler had told him “You are the future”. “I had just debuted. Yet he already saw me as the future. You have no idea how much those words have motivated me. I want him to see that I’ve become somebody.” People just assume this was Hall but cuold have theoretically been another, haha. Hall looks absolutely shitfaced, with a never-changing “gotta hold it together don’t barf” expression as he kinda jerkily walks to the ring and does the Temu version of all his taunts.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a spectacular example of the pre-Pillars All Japan style, as Jumbo Tsuruta, potential GOAT and the top star in the promotion, takes on cocky young upstart Toshiaki Kawada! Can the biggest provocateur in the company enrage Jumbo? Is that too big of a mistake? Can his speed and counters overcome Jumbo’s sheer size advantage! Come see, as they take each other on in the 1991 Champion Carnival! Then it’s a 1998 WCW match from Rick Martel’s fun short-lived run, as he challenges Booker T for the WCW TV Title at WCW Souled Out 1998!

Next up, I find a lucha trios match from the 2000s, as Cibernetico teams up with El Mesias and the second La Parka against Chessman, Dark Ozz & Parka Negra, a black-clad version of Parka! Then my look at the PWI #500s continues as Pro Wrestling NOAH enters a podunk indie! With “Dangerous” Derek McQuinn as our centerpiece, I find him teaming up with KENTA & Naomichi Marufuji as they face Takeshi Morishima, Dinty Moore & Brandy Tatum! And finally, I look up some goofy guy named Japanese Pool Boy, as poor Christopher Daniels has to go to ECWA and make it look like this untrained moron can actually wrestle!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I clear out another of those “Dusty Rhodes in Japan” matches, as he faces HULK HOGAN way back in 1980! Come see two of the legendary bleach-blond guys duke it out in a foreign country! Next up is Maffew-inspired, as I find an NWA Dallas match between Tony Norris (the future Ahmed Johnson) and Big John Hawk (the future Bradshaw)! A weapon in each corner and a swerve after the bell!

After a long time, I finally check another “Yokozuna in 1991 Mexico” match as Kokina teams up with Samoano I (Solafa Fatu) & El Canek against Mil Mascaras, Dos Caras & Villano III in a Trios Match! Then my look at PWI 500s past leads to 2001’s Pepper Parks… who turns out to be THE BLADE. So he actually made something of himself, and in 2001 HWA takes on WCW’s Jamie Knoble, still the Cruiserweight Champion. Then I pull two random names off the list of guys who interested me, as Wolfgang Danger takes on JR Kratos in a 2018 podunk indie!

DUSTY RHODES vs. HULK HOGAN:
(New Japan Pro Wrestling, Sept. 12th 1980)
* DUSTY vs. HOGAN!! Back when Dusty was in his prime and Hogan was rising up the ranks in various countries- his size, presence and charisma earning him a ton of money and putting dollar signs in the eyes of every promoter who saw him. Both are in black trunks, with Dusty only somewhat plump compared to his late ’80s self, with a much younger Hogan not having lost all the hair on the top of his head yet.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! I’m not sure how good a Christmas Eve column will do, BUT I have a great “lost match” featuring LOW-KI in a WWF tryout, as he gets squashed by RODNEY AND PETE GAS of all people! And best of all, it’s linked to my PWI 500 set, as his partner is #500 in 1999, Vincent Goodnight! Then Goodnight teamed up with JR Ryder for a WWF Metal match against the new team of T&A. Then I find ANOTHER silly name from the PWI 500s, as 1970s wrestler TAMBA THE FLYING ELEPHANT, a luchadore of significant gravity, teams up with Super Halcon against Dos Caras & Tieneblas!

And then I have a FULL SHOW of the Global Wrestling Federation, as I was briefly fascinated by the weird misfit crew of that Texas indie- a combination of future stars and “stars” (Ahmed Johnson & JBL/Bradshaw), never-was losers, and random short-lived rookies who never went anywhere. “Maniac” Mark Davis (a territory nobody doing a “crazy guy” gimmick) vs. Guido “Sweet Daddy” Falcone (a big Italian stereotype)! John Hawk (a baby Justin Bradshaw) vs. “The American Heartthrob” Chaz! “Dapper” Danny Davis vs. Action Jackson! And finally, the territory’s babyface hero “Courageous” Marc Valiant against the future Ahmed Johnson, Moadib the Nubian Terror!

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: VINCENT GOODNIGHT:
#500 appearance: 1999 (#500 in 1999, #368 in 2000, #376 in 2001)

-Vincent Goodnight is now known as “Vinny Lee Glamrock” and is a fairly tall indie kid with a weird face and long blond hair, at least sorta looking like the kind of rockstar he’s supposed to be. He’s like a Temu Edge. 6’3″ and reasonably close to that, and with leather pants and a reasonably good physique (though he has scrawny legs and no ass). He was in an absolutely TURRRRRRRRRRRIBLE match against Slayer in some indie show I was flipping through (Pagoda Pro Wreslting in Pennsylvania: https://youtu.be/CoyzOgJ4Zcc?si=YBF-deyHQPCimL9a&t=1706). This match is a legit DUD and mostly thanks to Slayer being terrible and botchy, but it’s the classic “unrecappable indie garbage” with like… lots of chinlocks, clumsy pin-reversals, fights to the floor, guys tangling up in the ropes, etc. Just too long and sloppy. He did a couple of WWF squashes in 2001, which is what I’m grabbing from. Goodnight largely disappears from CageMatch circa 2001, meaning he only wrestled for about four years before ending up a “just an occasional match” kind of guy (he has the occasional match even nowadays). Most of his stuff is from ECWA (circa Delaware).

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I was given an incredible video of DUSTY RHODES in Japan! zbinks shared this great set of matches, including bouts against Bob Backlund, Hulk Hogan and Antonio Inoki, but I wanted to lead with the ones I found most interesting- Dusty vs. Inoki! How does the big “relatable babyface” underdog work against the Ace of a company, when he can’t rely on the fans liking him? Come see! And five days later, there’s the truly wild mish-mash of Dusty Rhodes & BUDDY ROSE teaming up against Inoki and his #2 guy, Tatsumi Fujinami! And then more “white guys in Japan as the odd men out” as the New Blackjacks debut in All Japan… against babyface duo Kenta Kobashi and Johnny Ace!

My look at the PWI #500 guys continues, first with the late Chip Fairway (#500 in 1998) taking on Race Steele in a “wait, these guys are actually trained!” match at a Brian Pillman Memorial Show in 2000! Both are Les Thatcher guys and are actually capable, if not that good. And then it’s a true dumpster match, as the Voodoo Kin Mafia, Road Dogg & Billy Gunn themselves, bring their act on the road, slumming it in Maryland Championship Wrestling against the Ghetto Mafia! Can they build an entire match around being lazy and cutting promos (their only real skill)? Come see!

ANTONIO INOKI vs. DUSTY RHODES:
(New Japan Pro Wrestling, Jan. 1st 1984)
* Oh yes, zbinks shared a video of DUSTY RHODES IN JAPAN. Dusty actually did a few tours in New Japan from 1980-84, wrestling Bob Backlund, Hulk Hogan and others, but this is his only solo match against Antonio Inoki. This video has all sorts of unique matches on it because of that. Dusty at this point is merely kinda doughy but not porcine like he’d later become. Inoki is the Ace, and Bad News Allen (a legit judoka and Inoki enemy) is staring at the Ace on the floor. Gee I wonder how this is gonna end?

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have an IMPOSSIBLY bad match on paper for you, as the future Ahmed Johnson continues his run in Global (Texas) and faces the incredibly immobile roid-monster JEEP SWENSON! A guy so bloated that even Vince didn’t take him on- too big to even bump right or run the ropes properly! And Ahmed is called “Moadib the Nubian Terror” and doing an Evil Foreigner gimmick with Arabian pants! You gotta see this!

Speaking of abysmal matches “on paper”, there’s also a 2000 WCW match between Vampiro and the KISS Demon from PPV, as they have a Graveyard Match in near total darkness, featuring “drowning in the river” spots, Charles Robinson’s flashlight being the only source of lighting, a Chyna rip-off taking TWO off-camera beatings, and hilariously bad weapon shots! Then it’s a request, as AJ Styles wrestles Matt Sydal in 2006 Ring of Honor, in a match someone said was Sydal’s breakout performance! Then my look at the PWI 500s past continues, as I find 2009’s Shockwave the Robot, a comedy gimmick tiny guy in a robot suit do a LONG comedy match against Colt Cabana in DREAMWAVE Wrestling. Also, I found more of Jammer & Slammer, as the former takes on a baby rookie Cowboy James Storm in a high school gym!

MOADIB THE NUBIAN TERROR (w/ Gen. Skandar Akbar) vs. JEEP “THE MERCENARY” SWENSON:
(Global Wrestling FEderation, April 17th 1994)
* WHAT SORT OF LOVING GOD WOULD ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!?! Ahmed Johnson, pushed in Global as a foreign menace character from “North-Eastern Africa” (which is actually pretty much where historical Nubia was, to be fair), with the evil Arab Skandar Akbar as his manager. Love those fluffy green Arabian pants- Vince McMahon would never allow thighs so meaty to go covered. Jeep is of course Bane from “Batman & Robin”, and doesn’t have too much of a wrestling career. He is MASSIVELY roided. And I mean so much his heart basically exploded while BILL KAZMAIER AND TED ARCIDI made it to senior citizenhood (Kaz is 71 now!!). Like, the immobile kind of roided where your arms are stuck at a 45-degree angle to your body no matter what.