WCW Monday Nitro (02.24.97)- All Dream Matches!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, something a little different- I found an entire episode of WCW Monday Nitro from 1997 to watch! Public Enemy vs. Steve McMichael & Jeff Jarrett! Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. jobber luchador Galaxy! Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera! The Faces of Fear vs. Eddie Guerrero & Chris Jericho as dorky babyfaces! Dean Malenko vs. Ultimo Dragon! Hugh Morrus vs. Joe Gomez! Diamond Dallas Page vs. Squire David Taylor! Ice Train vs. La Parka! Prince Iaukea vs. Pat Tanaka! And WCW Tag Champions Lex Luger & The Giant are set to go against Harlem Heat!

WCW MONDAY NITRO:
(WCW, Feb. 24th 1997)
* Live from Sacramento, California! It’s Tony Schiavone, & Larry Zbyszko and the nWo is wild!

PUBLIC ENEMY (Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge) vs. THE FOUR HORSEMEN (Steve “Mongo” McMichael vs. Jeff Jarrett, w/ Debra McMichael):
* Public Enemy (no “The”) defeated the Faces of Fear & Harlem Heat last night in a triangle match. And they’re taking on the Horsemen! Except it’s the worst two ever (YES INCLUDING ROMA)- McMichael, who could barely work and was beloved as the boys’ coke supply and Jarrett during one of his many “ACKNOWLEDGE THIS GUY AS A STAR! P-please? Pretty please?”, with no less than Ric Flair coming out and begging fans to accept Jarrett as a Horseman. It never worked, to the point where Jarrett bailed on the company for the #2 WWF and a re-push THERE. He became a Horseman last night after beating a suspicious Mongo when he grabbed Debra’s tossed briefcase. Public Enemy’s music is edited out for some generic stuff instead of their “Hotstepper” knock-off, which makes all their swaying mis-timed to the music now.

Mongo does babyface power-guy spots with Rocco and posing to the fans despite the Horsemen being quite heelish at this point (fans are half-cheering/half-booing), Rocco dodging a shoulder charge in the corner. Grunge wins an International on Jarrett with his usual grace and skill, slugging him down and dancing. Mongo waffles Rocco from the apron and they take turns beating on him while Debra talks to the camera (Larry talking over her- Tony calls him out haha). A HILARIOUSLY bad move sees Jarrett whip Rocco and leapfrog him as Rocco does a slo-mo trot and stops BEFORE Mongo even charges him so his tackle looks like shit. Mongo hits the three-point stance to Rocco’s ass. Twice in a row Rocco won’t get whipped and kicks Jarrett, who kicks him and THEN whips him- that’s an oddly specific thing to do twice. Rocco leaps up and Jarrett powerbombs him (?!). Grunge saves, so Jarrett gets Mongo the briefcase… and Mongo just blasts him with it and Rocco gets the pin at (4:35). So there’s still dissention! Mongo hilariously gets on the mic and does the one thing wrestlers in this era almost never did- acknowledge the chicanery from last time, saying it was revenge. “I gotta welcome him into the Horsemen family!”. He acknowledges that he’ll mess with Jeff “but nobody else better!” and Flair & Arn come out to lecture them and demand handshakes so they can face down the nWo. Actually a fun little bit with dissention in the ranks and Mongo acting like a dipshit older brother to a pissy Jarrett, not that it ever got these guys over.

Rating: *1/2 (just some stuff and some ugly spots with mis-timed things and Mongo being chaotic as usual)

Debra is VERY well-cast as “Former Beauty Queen, now whiny attention-hogging Lady Macbeth/rich guy’s wife”.

I wonder what Damien’s thought process was with “Galaxy”. “Well I look like shit but they seem to be wanting guys with masks to eat pins, so…”

HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN vs. GALAXY:
* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! A 1980s WWF guy vs. a luchadore! WCW in a nutshell! Galaxy as actually Damien 666 wearing some goofy-ass black Ultraman knockoff gear, and he started 1997 in WCW this way before going to his “facepaint guy” gimmick. But without his trademark “copying moves” schtick so he was just “a skinny lucha guy who looked like shit and couldn’t fly”. He’s a full head & shoulders shorter than the giant Duggan and is also doughy. Duggan’s in blue with VIOLET kneepads for some reason.

Galaxy MESSES WITH DUGGAN’S FLAG to start, immediately incensing him so Duggan kicks his ass and sends him scurrying with three lariats- good bump & feed there. Poor Galaxy goes into the post, guardrail and the arena floor, but manages to nail Duggan coming into the ring and pounds away… but as Larry Z points out, “don’t play fisticuffs with Hacksaw… because you will NOT out-punch this man!” and Hacksaw no-sells and kicks his ass (“Hacksaw makes mistake after mistake, but he’s so big and THICK he can get away with it!”). Poor Galaxy just gets the SHIT kicked out of him as Duggan throws forearms while he’s lying across the ropes. Galaxy tries a clumsy “walk-up” moonsault and even DUGGAN is too wise for that to work, and the Three-Point Stance clothesline sets up wrapping his fist with tape (“HOGAAAAAAAAAAAN!” he screams before impact) for the KO Punch to win at (3:20). Epic squash- Galaxy bumped for a dozen out there, trying to play evasion games and work tactically but Duggan would barely even give him an eyepoke before destroying him.

Rating: ** (actually a really fun squash- Duggan sold NOTHING and just beat the midget all over the damn place, giving a huge ass-kicking)

Duggan does a post-match interview with Mean Gene, wiping snot off his face repeatedly, then calls Hogan “Terry” and has to be corrected, haha- how can you not love this psychotic idiot? So last night MACHO MAN betrayed WCW for the nWo in what is the first of his, uh… two? Three? turns to the nWo. Duggan namedrops the Make A Wish foundation and all the shit they turned their backs on everyone, and “they got all the money in the world, they got all the power, but your heart is BLACK”. But “Not everybody’s gonna hide! But Hacksaw Jim Duggan will not hide! I will not quit! I will not stop! I will not waver!”, nearly says “ass” and calls out Hogan’s “jabronis in the back”. GREAT plans for an interview, btw- Gene interviews him post-match, in the aisle so Duggan can yell for a minute and we’re out. Modern wrestling with promos plays the theme music and does a LONG-ASS rambling 8-minute soliloquy in the ring and it’s the drizzling shits. This comes off as impromptu and off-the-cuff and keeps the show moving. Duggan came off like a main eventer here, which is funny cuz I know he fucked off to 8 months of lazytown formula matches right after this, haha. I would imagine the main guys all noticed Duggan figured selling just wasn’t for him circa 1994 and were cool with having him just fight jobbers.

HUGH MORRUS vs. JOE GOMEZ:
* HELLO MONDAY NIGHT WARS! Morrus is in the Dungeon of Doom but comes out alone, ranting at the camera in that very “WCW” sort of way. Gomez is a “named jobber” with theme music, but obviously jobbertown.

Morrus beats on Gomez in the corner, but Gomez floats over him and schoolboys for two. Gomez gets a lazy pithold, then messes up something as Morrus bowls him over (he was prob’ly thinking “hiptoss”), but manages to skip over him and get a dropkick & armdrag. But another International sees him get caught leaping up- Morrus drops him and hits No Laughing Matter (moonsault) for three at (3:17). Sorta energetic squash- at least it kept moving.

Rating: 1/2* (a bit messy with Gomez kinda gangly- also a release spinebuster doesn’t exactly look devastating enough to set up a 20-second time-wasting before a Moonsault)

nWo advertisement, with TED DIBIASE complimenting Syxx’s nWo denim jacket style. Yeah that’ll get the cool kids buying it.

ICE TRAIN (w/ Teddy Long) vs. LA PARKA:
* I know I did reviews of three Train/Parka matches, and this wasn’t one of them! This is the second of their FOUR matches between February & April. Teddy Long cuts a pre-taped promo on Miss Jacqueline as Parka attacks Train from behind.

Train quickly no-sells La Parka’s stuff and flips him backwards with an overhand chop, then hits a hiptoss, powerslam & jumping attack. Parka catches him and goes up for a flying wheel kick, getting launched off on the kickout. Train catches and splatters him, then hits an avalanche, but La Parka jawjacks him and hits two wheel kicks into a corkscrew plancha! I love that this is nearly the exact same match they wrestled before and after. Train absorbs a clothesline and hits his own, catches a crossbody out of the corner with another drop-slam, then hits the Train Wreck (leaping splash) for the pin at (4:04). Not a bad barely-competitive match (they had LOTS of time to practice alternating the same 5-6 moves apiece four times)

THE FACES OF FEAR (Meng & The Barbarian, w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. EDDIE GUERRERO & CHRIS JERICHO:
* hahaha what a fever dream- ’80s WWF guys vs. dorky babyface versions of some of the best late ’90s heels. Eddie is the current US Champion, and beat Jericho in a competitive baby/baby match last night.

Jericho howls in agony from a Barbarian ass-kicking, but ducks a boot and sticks & moves to great effect, hitting a missile kick into Eddie’s slingshot senton, but Eddie gets flung into the Eddie Bump. Meng easily wins a slugfest, Eddie looking great fighting against the tide until he’s absolutely DESTROYED with a powerbomb. Eddie comes back with a headscissors & the double-backdrop him. Meng easily kicks out after a senton & Barbarian’s kick from the apron sets up a vicious backdrop suplex, Jericho going neck-first. Barbarian hauls him up for a Belly-To-Belly SUPERPLEX, tossing him nearly the full length of the WCW ring, and sneaky Eddie cheats to ensure Jericho makes the ropes. Jericho takes more abuse, but hits a flying crossbody and gets his ass kicked again. Meng provokes Eddie to cover his partner adding some damage, and they hit their finisher, the backdrop into Barbarian’s Powerbomb, but Eddie saves. Stereo 2nd-rope headbutts- same result. After more beatings, Jericho manages a Lionsault to a standing Meng and FINALLY makes the hot tag after an enzuigiri and dodging Meng using the momentum for a running elbowdrop. Hot tag Eddie & Jericho immediately flies in and they fire off a ton of dropkicks, a double suplex, but Jericho tries a Lionsault and Meng pulls him to the floor, allowing Dean Malenko (feuding with Eddie) to shove Eddie into Barbarian’s foot and that’s it at (7:40).

haha, OW.

Long-ish Big vs. Little match, and it really fit their styles well- two big guys absorbing tons of shots and not really selling until the little guys stuck & moved and hit springboard & flying moves. Great example of how you actually use a size difference in a match (so much modern wrestling just acts like these differences don’t count and guys can just hit endless MOVEZ). Jericho was solid as an abuse victim but hadn’t really learned sympathetic selling as well yet, and his selling pretty much stopped the second he tagged out (he ate 3-4 Finisher-tier moves and he tags out and is immediately fine and can fly around like nothing happened, lol- dude’s been watching some Manami Toyota tapes!). Good little strategy and then an angle happened so the babyfaces can lose with dignity and a “hey, maybe” thanks to smart wrestling and double-teaming- a strategy the big guys had issues with.

Rating: **3/4 (a good, solid TV bout with interesting wrestling to fit the styles of the respective stars)

Hour #2! With Tony now joined by Bobby Heenan & Mike Tenay!

Juvie with an interesting look this week.

REY MYSTERIO, JR. vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA:
* !!!!!!!! I wasn’t expecting this! So these two had a big “resume” match in ECW the year before and probably sent that tape everywhere they could, ending up with WCW jobs because of it. But while fast, super-acrobatic babyface Rey got an immediate push as THE new wrestler to see, Juvie, who was only almost as good and had no personality yet, struggled and largely did jobs for a year until his push came. He & Psychosis at this point were largely “Rey Delivery Systems”- as his best opponents (in that they could keep up with him and sell his stuff the best, thus making him look better), they ended up fighting him a bunch. Rey’s in blue & pink, while Juvie’s in red, white & blue, and has a white mask but no singlet top to his tights, which is unusual.

Of course the very first move is Rey twisting Juvie backwards across his back, then Juvie spins out to a DDT and hits a springboard dropkick. They lock hands and pop the crowd by doing stereo bridges, and Rey backflips off Juvie and takes a spinkick and Juvie just clobbers him down. I like how his default is to occasionally just charge & overpower him (the only guy he can do this to). Rey backflips off the top like he’s testing his surgically-repaired knee and Juvie catches him with a moonsault for two. A chinlock sets up Rey’s insane windmill headscissors to put Juvie on the floor (Heenan marks out- “it’s like wrestlin’ a helicopter!”) and a baseball slide headscissors puts Juvie under the guardrail. Rey leaps backwards onto the top and Juvie of course hits a springboard sunset flip powerbomb for two. Rey can’t recover before a dropkick & tope suicida nail him, but he makes a mistake by springboarding into the ring upside-down and gets powerbombed! Springboard Hurricanrana! Three at (5:35). Just non-stop MOVEZ from beginning to end, with each guy taking a ton of bumps.

It’s so funny when people act like AEW Spotfests are the future of wrestling, cuz like… this is early 1997. And here it is- a wild match full of nothing but big moves that pop the fans until one guy falls. We’ve seen it! And it was fun then, but still treated like midcard filler cuz there was no story around it and neither guy was OVER over yet. Rey was an amazing athlete, but his selling probably meant more to get him over than his sheer MOVEZ, and Juvie didn’t get over until he started going down the same route. And yet I don’t think anyone in wrestling today has nearly the combination of agility & impact as either of these two guys- today’s starvation-victim flippy guys just don’t have the athleticism base or proper body type, and their stuff is too “flowy” and doesn’t look like it hits as hard. They’re also too lanky to have Rey’s precision rana that folds a dude in half in 0.25 seconds. And yet the crowd isn’t going completely insane for this- fans today are kinda “trained” to pop for big moves and flips, but it actually took a while to take hold in WCW, if I remember right. They had to get the CHARACTERS over first, and get the fans used to the fact that these crazy moves were the thing to watch for. But you could see the chemistry- the recap in particular shows how many times Juvie has to move his arms perfectly to catch Rey on the rotations of that headscissors, pushing him to one side then gripping both ankles.

Rating: **3/4 (just balls to the wall excitement and flippy moves with no story beyond “can you top this”- great use of six minutes, if not a complete match)

Lee Marshall does a horribly unfunny joke ending his road report and OH MY GOD BILL GOLDBERG’S COMING OU– no no, that’s Pat Tanaka using the theme Goldberg would use later in the year.

… oh DEAR.

WCW TV TITLE:
PRINCE IAUKEA vs. PAT TANAKA:
* WCW was such a “WWF Retirement Home” that doughy, unover jobber PAT TANAKA was working there. He looks nervous and unsure, chewing gum while dressed as Bruce Lee in his traditional garb. Nakamaki’s in purple. He sucks. He fought Rey Mysterio last night and won because Steven Regal cheated on Iaukea’s behalf because… he hated Iaukea and wanted his belt back- Tony actually suggests Regal felt he couldn’t beat Rey so wanted the Prince to win.

Tanaka shows his martial arts supremacy by flailing his limbs in the air in “karate chop” position. Iaukea does a Snuka chop to win an International, but doesn’t follow up (just standing there while Tanaka is clearly feeding him to do something), and his kick is caught- dragon screw puts him on the ground, but Tanaka does the Jannetty Bump off a lariat. Iaukea “ducks” a chop and whips Tanaka but gets caught in a Ligerbomb for two. Iaukea catches him with a Samoan drop & Springboard Earthquake Splash, and the ultimate finisher of all bland rookies- the Flying Cross-Body, finishes at (2:52). Ever notice that after Steamboat, nobody good used that as a finish?

Prince Iaukea is that ever-rare 2/10 in every stat guy. Like you do NOT see people with zero upside like that very often in a pushed spot. At the very least you had Van Hammer, who was tall & muscular but sucked a bag of dicks in the ring. Or a guy like Tanaka, who can’t talk and looks like shit, but can WORK. Or a completely shitty, slobby wrestler like Road Dogg who had charisma. Not like…. “oh he’s short and looks like a pussy, but don’t worry, he also can’t wrestle an interesting match or string two words together.” This guy is BAD. Like after every move here he just defaults to the same “ready pose” like a fighting game character, as if he can’t string more than one move together at a time and has to reset to do the next thing. REPEATEDLY poor Tanaka had to stand up and do the Mortal Kombat dizzied pose so Iaukea could do his next move- short of literally writing down the spots and handing them to Nakamaki all match long, what else is a guy to do?

Rating: DUD (Iaukea is so incompetent you can practically feel poor Tanaka’s frustration)

I swear it was like six months of “Ultimate” Dragon.

DEAN MALENKO vs. ULTIMO DRAGON (w/ Sonny Onoo):
* So Malenko lost the Cruiserweight Title to Syxx last night, but still has an issue with “Ultimate” Dragon (as they’re still calling him on chyrons, though during the match they have it right). Dragon’s in red tights, Dean’s in blue & white trunks.

They do a slick chain-wrestling sequence over arm stuff (as expected for these two), then Dragon lands on his feet from a backdrop and spinkicks Dean’s thigh down but he ducks an enzuigiri & misses an elbow for a “pause for applause” spot… except WCW in 1997 wasn’t doing that yet so the fans just sit there on their hands, haha. But Dean does the DISINGENUOUS HANDSHAKE~~ and Ultimo goes for it like a doofus, getting taken down and THAT gets a better reaction than all the quick wrestling thus far! Dean puts the boots to him but eats the kick combo from Dragon. He’s left tripping him and just throwing punches, bashing him into the guardrails to show aggression & anger over losing the belt, then works a long chinlock as this is clearly our “talk about the angles of the day” match at this point. Dragon reverses to a surfboard/chinlock & Muta Lock, but Dean blocks him and does a release Tiger Driver. Dean goes into the post and gets booted off the apron (lol phantom bump- Tony has to cover for the miss) so Ultimo can do a Tiger Feint, double-kick to the chest (Dean slaps Ultimo’s boots to make the sound- I thought it was boot-to-chest but at 0.25 speed you can see it!) and flying plancha to ramp up the speed. Back in, Dean pops him up and Ultimo gets a perfect rana for two, reversed for two, then Dragon hits La Majistral after another counter, then tries a cartwheel handspring but gets caught and Release German’d. Dean is dazed but instead of pinning just throttles Ultimo! This gets so egregious that Sonny Onoo hits the apron and swats at him, so Dean blasts him one and keeps choking Ultimo, and even ref actually COUNTS TO FIVE for the Disqualification at (8:56). One of the few times you’ll see the ref count to five and DQ someone, actually. Naturally Dean’s face doesn’t change expression once this whole time. Deano Sameface, haha.

Mean Gene comes out and no a Dean Malenko promo OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WTF is up with his eyebrows? He keeps doing “angry eyebrows” but only for a millisecond at a time before reaching default, like altering his one expression is causing him pain. The promo isn’t great and mostly just rambling about Syxx and Eddie and “the respect that THIS MAN (points to self) has not gotten!”.

A very slick, hard-fought match with lots of counters that would have been very unique for someone who wasn’t a tape-trader or Japanese at the time, as they were pulling out pretty fast counters- simple transitions like “Ultimo counters a whip to the corner but charges into a boot, but immediately drop-toeholds Dean and hits La Majistral” when a lot of dudes would barely counter ONE thing all match long, and nothing more clever than “move out of the way”. The funny thing was of course Dean going for the handshake and clobbering him got the best reaction until the German because neither guy is an over CHARACTER yet. In fact, even with Dean’s aggression playing into things, he never once changed expression all match long (they called him “The Ice Man” to cover for his lack of personality). An interesting choice for one of the longest matches on the show- Bischoff was pretty good about giving the Cruisers- especially Dean- some TV time. This was used partially to talk about the angles of the day (helped by a long resthold), and then did some character stuff by having Dean go nuts.

Rating: **1/2 (solid and with some tight wrestling & counters, but not over much, Dean faking intensity comes off as disingenuous as his handshake!)

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. SQUIRE DAVE TAYLOR:
* Oh lordie, haha. DDP was in the midst of his nwo-hatin’ days, having a fuck finish in his Buff Bagwell match the night before, and Taylor’s just a JTTS guy at this point. He’s dressed like he’s about to go on a foxhunt, which is actually a big thing with English nobility so it kinda fits. Props to whomever is in charge of WCW lore. DDP’s in black leather tights that make him look like a greasy roadie, while Taylor has the khaki pants on. That look can’t have lasted long. He’s about as big as Page, too.

Taylor immediately pounces with European uppercuts and gets a suplex, but takes an inverted atomic drop as the nWo comes out- Hall & Nash stray down in their cool-guy shades as DDP hits a fireman’s carry Diamond Cutter to end Taylor. The ref is seen helping Taylor to the back (match is tossed around 1:40) as Macho Man sneaks up behind Page and knocks him out with a spraypaint can as the Outsiders chortle like children. Some dipshit fan runs in and gets his ass kicked pretty quick (Savage immediately bolts for him and tries to pepper him with shots with Hall & Nash in the way- he immediately runs out and security bolts after him, drawing a fan pop. DDP gets spraypainted with “nWo” and hit with the Big Elbow as we’re out.

Rating: DUD (no match- DDP essentially squashes Taylor in 30 seconds)

Good lord, nWo Liz.

So Scott Hall leads us in a celebration of the newest member of the nWo, as Macho Man Randy Savage has aligned with them (probz cuz backstage he knows it’s the hottest angle and he doesn’t wanna eat beatings every week). Hall announces Hollywood Hogan as the music keeps playing (this is when they had sirens, laughter and the nWo announcer superimposed over the theme at random). Hogan celebrates “one icon looking at another” to Savage, calling everyone “Brah!” repeatedly, then brings out Trillionaire Ted, Eric Bischoff, and Macho Man’s “present”, MISS ELIZABETH IN nWo GEAR HELLLLL YESSSSSSSSSS! Macho immediately hugs his ex-wife and weirdly toussles her hair as he is gifted an actual human being (is this legal?). Hall seems particularly drunk (“When yuh ENDUBYOH, yuh endubyOH, FOR LIFE!”). The fans are now quite into “cheer the cool heels” territory for the team at this point so they still get solid heat.

WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE GIANT & LEX LUGER vs. HARLEM HEAT (Booker T & Stevie Ray, w/ Sister Sherri):
* Oh I thought the nWo thing was gonna close the show, haha. PTSD from this era! The Giant & Luger scored the ever-rare victory over the Outsiders, breaking their infamous dominance over the tag belts for a while. Luger has a cast over his hand. Harlem Heat are in white gear with a drunk-looking Sherri in gold. I’m sure this will be a nice, long, hard-fought match with no fuckery involved in the…. 3 minutes left on the video? DARN IT!

Out comes Eric Bischoff as the bell rings! He gets the mic and insists that since Luger didn’t have a doctor’s release to wrestle and use the cast, and therefore THE BELTS MUST RETURN. Luger is fine with it IF Bishcoff puts up ever single nWo belt at the upcoming Uncensored PPV, and it’s agreed- Bischoff pulls the belts away, threatening to fire the Giant (who just looks defeated instead of enraged like you’d expect). This is one of MANY times this was used to keep the Outsiders champions while rarely defending them, which is a continuous problem WCW took way too long to fix. This is the second time in ONE MONTH this angle was used (the Steiners had it happen the month before) and they never really got true comeuppance (they last lost them when Hall turned on Nash in the nWo split). But then STING comes out! He comes in, stares down Bischoff… but then lets Hogan HUG HIM and the nWo declares that he’s joined! Schiavone is disgusted and groans as we’re out. (Spoiler: He apparently keeps this up for WEEKS, coming out with the nWo until proving his true allegiance at the PPV)

hahah this was PERFECT! A show of completely random bullshit, two hardfought Cruiserweight matches, a washed up WWF guy squashing a nobody luchador, a juice-jockey beating a GOOD luchadore, and old WWF guys fighting Cruiserweights in their dorky babyface personas, then ending with a circle-jerk of the nWo. THIS is Nitro! Every show was like this! To a fault, as eventually the endless nWo stuff got out of hand and they could never recalibrate to something new. But for the time this is pretty perfect, especially with WWF being very iffy at this point. It’s quick, peppy and always moving forward- most of the matches are under 5 minutes and take up 8-9 minute TV segments so nothing’s going through the break. The opener has an angle and moves the story forward (Jarrett is accepted by the Horsemen but Mongo still doesn’t like him, but the elders demand they fall into line because they’re gearing up for the nWo)- then some guys they want some focus on get squashes in in Duggan, Morrus, Ice Train & Nakamaki. A longer tag match with the Faces of Fear ALSO ends in an angle (Eddie’s thing with Dean is furthered) while also showcasing Jericho’s bumping and moves (important for the future). Rey & Juvi tear the house down with MOVEZ but get out of there in a hurry because this is mostly to showcase Rey. Dean/Dragon can hold down a long match and while it’s not that over, it keeps up Dean’s thing.

Then since the nWo suffered losses last night (Hogan to Piper and the Outsiders losing the tag belts) but added a new member, they have to establish him to the TV fans who didn’t get the Pay Per View AND get a “win” tonight, and so Savage needs to attack a guy of value (DDP) and they cut a promo to celebrate, establishing the four-man power squad at the top of the card. The tag title thing was iffy but ehn- it all leads to a big angle at the next PPV. So while there’s no huge angle going through the whole show, it gets at least 3-4 angles over in a quickly-moving TV show, sets up the next big thing, and gives the nWo a huge amount of power so they can presumably be knocked down next time (… I mean SOMEWHAT).

Oh yeah! I still need to do PWI #500 guys, haha. I actually couldn’t find anything on 2007’s Andre Heart (a Heartland Wrestling Association guy who wrestled from 2005-2010). On to Kurt Adonis!

My favorite part of this is someone looked at this take and decided it was good enough.

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: KURT ADONIS (aka Mr. Kurt):
#500 appearance: 2008 (only appeared that year)

-Kurt Adonis looks to have stuck to the Northeast indies, appearing on Cagematch from 2000-2014. He looks more like a video game reviewer than a wrestler. One interview has him acting with the sincerity of a person trying acting for the first time, copying Uncle Joey’s “Cut! It! Out!” from Full House, then looking at a Hulk Hogan standee and doing his “r-r-r-r-r-r run wild!” thing.

“THE ALL-AMERICAN BOY” KURT ADONIS vs. EDDIE EDWARDS:
(Deadlock Pro Wrestling, Aug. 13th 2004)
* I chose this one because I’ve at least heard of Eddie Edwards. He was in Ring of Honor! Not that I’ve ever actually SEEN him or anything. huh looks like he’s two years into his career here, but nowadays is actually in TNA! Not bad! Adonis looks like a total dork, but at least that seems to be the point, as he’s wearing a purple polo shirt and khaki shorts and smiling like Chris-Chan when he could still feel joy. HE declares that he wants some “enhancement talent” so he can show off… but it’s a Ring of Honor guy! Edwards is SHOCKINGLY a Skinny Indie Guy in Big Baggy Pants, but he differentiates himself by having white guy dreadlocks. Adonis is offended by his presence, saying “I’m the epitome of success, and you’re nothing but a bitch!” and slapping him in the face. And we’re off!

Adonis takes a powder and catches Edwards coming back into the ring, but takes a back body drop on his ass and gets clotheslined over the top. Hey right away I can at least tell he can work! He whines to the crowd and gets slide-kicked in the back, stumbling into an old man in the front frow & then eats a pescado (on HARDWOOD? Eddie, think of your knees!). Flying cross-body gets two for Eddie, and when Adonis tries a comeback, he gets dropkicked & standing moonsaulted. Adonis shoves the ref into the ropes to crotch Eddie on the top, and he neckbreakers him from there. Vertical suplex & chinlock slow it down, and Adonis stops a comeback and hits a neckbreaker for two. Another chinlock and he takes a sunset flip but hairpulls Edwards and clotheslines him down, but doffs his polo to reveal A GENERIC WHITE GUY PHYSIQUE~~, acting like he’s beautiful, but he gets crotched up top and superplexed. Adonis takes the Eddie Bump and wheel kick, then a leaping elbow & flying knee for two. But Edwards jaws with the ref over the count and gets POWDER thrown in his face and Adonis superkicks him for two! Edwards fights back and backslides him out of a clothesline, but Adonis hits a second superkick and… pins him (7:33)? Huh, I figured Edwards was taking it when cheating didn’t work. This just puts over Adonis MORE.

Okay I was expecting to get lots of sass while punching down on indie dorks but this guy can actually work. Not WELL but like, he can lace his boots together, putting way ahead of most #500 guys. If you can be trusted to eat a pescado or neckbreaker a guy while he’s sitting on the top rope, you must be at least CAPABLE. A Mean Street Posse-level guy. 2/10 or 3/10. I could see him as a jobber! It’s a long chinlocky match but otherwise everything worked well and he even tried to cheat and get some heat on himself repeatedly, take big bumps, etc.

Rating: *1/2 (actually not bad! Also not good but not bad!)