The Steiner Brothers vs. The Nasty Boys at Halloween Havoc (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have the famous match where the Nasty Boys decided to make up a resume, working their asses off as free agents to get a fat WWF contract as they work a masterpiece of a tag match against the Steiner Brothers! Then the most amazing “1999 WCW” match possible, as Kenny Kaos and BOBBY EATON team up… against La Parka & Silver King!

Next up, it’s some WCW jobbery goodness, as WCW Worldwide sees THE PUG UNLEASHED, as Alex Porteau tries his level best against brutal jobberslayer Fit Finlay! And finally, our PWI #500 guy of the week is Scotland’s GRADO, an “Everyman Wrestler” taking on Temu Justin Credible, Chris Renfrew, in a hardcore ICW Title match in a UK indie. Plus an extra one, as I saw the name “Cloudy” and figured I had to check out someone named THAT- he’s a skinny indie guy taking on future WWE guy Joe Gacy in 2016!

NWA UNITED STATES TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE STEINER BROTHERS (Rick & Scott Steiner) vs. THE NASTY BOYS (Brian Knobs & Jerry Sags):
(WCW Halloween Havoc 1990)
* This is a pretty famous one- the story goes that the Nasty Boys were working without a contract, so wanted to impress people and make themselves into hot free agents, so decided they were going ALL-OUT tonight. Famously sloppy, ugly dudes, they nonetheless had a lot of “go” at times and you never know what people are capable of. The Nasties apparently bloodied the Steiners and had them stretchered out after the contract signing, so as the Steiners head down they charge the ring and IT’S ON.

The crowd immediately goes nuts for a huge brawl, Knobs & Rick on one side and Scott & Sags on the other- Sags goes into the post but whips Scott HARD into the guardrail and hits a nasty-sized chairshot to the back of his head. He goes for a superplex but Scott goes behind him, falls, then turns him into a belly-to-belly superplex (Sags helpfully standing there with his arms out for ages while Scott stands there to stare at the fans and build anticipation), popping the fans hard as Sags writhes in agony. Knobs smokes Scott with an elbow and Sags hits a bulldog, but Scott comes back with turnbuckle-shots and a Tiger Driver! Rick smokes Knobs when he comes in while Sags has a great “legs crossed” sell, and they hit the STEINER BULLDOG already! The fans go nuts but the ref sends Rick out so Knobs can come in and waste Scott with a chairshot and drap his slobby carcass over Scott and dare to try and pin him, haha. Knobs keeps laughing like a total asshole as he whips Scotty off for a side slam & powerslam for two. Knobs dumps him so Sags can jump on him, and they keep up the psychology by working the back with a pumphandle slam & headbutts to the spine. Salto slam and Rick SMOKES Jerry on the back of the head to break the pin, then Knobs throws on the abdominal stretch, making sure to grab the tights AND do my favorite Knobs thing- sloowwwwwwwwwwllly reach his hand back so Sags can pull to make it worse. Rick punches him in the face out of anger, allowing Sags to just come in with free beats. Sags works a bearhug for a minute+ to keep up the pressure, but that just leaves him in position for the belly-to-belly! Great “hey, wait a minute–” body language just before he’s launched, lol.

Look at these revolting, hideous men, lol. Missing teeth, bodies like wet sacks of flour, grotesque grins- yet so big and monstrous-looking they’re believable shit-kickers. it’s PERFECT heel looks.

Knobs runs in to kick helpless Scott but Rick comes in- STEINERLINE! But he gets too aggressive and charges, unable to deal with the sheer agility of Knobs, who dodges and Rick eats shit HARD on a floor bump, and they hit a Spike Piledriver, but Knobs gets TOO cheat-y, as he stomps and accidentally interrupts the count, which turns the ref towards him so RICK can cheat, smashing Sags with a chair! I love how much the crowd erupts at obvious babyface cheating, haha. Turnabout motherfuckerrrrrrrrrrs! That’s a big double-down, and instead of hot tags Scottie hits a big backdrop suplex, Sags again going cross-legged on the bump.

Sags does this with his legs nearly every time he takes a big bump- crosses his legs and turns a bit so it looks like a car crash. Mick Foley always did it the same way- it’s a great way for a chubby guy to show he’s been messed up.

But Sags still recovers first, bleeding, and Knobs works over Scott, hitting a bearhug as well- Scott fires away to escape, but Knobs drives him into the corner. Scott gets his boot up but AGAIN the Nasties cut him off, Sags crabbing him with his face bloody and a huge gleeful expression, but Scott flips him over using his raw strength! But Knobs cuts him off AGAIN and hits a camel clutch, spreading his prodigious weight out as much as possible while making the most grotesque faces possible, but Scott PICKS HIM UP and slams him back, but Knobs is able to tag out. Sags & Scott keep grabbing at each other and fighting dirty, going to the eyes & throats, then then FINALLY… FINALLY… an assisted whip sees Knobs eat shit on a corner charge and Sags gets Steinerlined! And after fourteen goddamn minutes, RICK GETS THE HOT TAG! He pummels the exhausted Nasties and belly-to-bellies Knobs, but Sags dumps Scott and they take out Rick. But they get cocky and celebrate, allowing Rick to hit a Double Steinerline off the top! Rick again gets double-teamed, but they get too aggressive and slam Scott on the floor, head back in, and Scott foils their double-team. Sags gets pulled out and the fans EXPLODE realizing what’s coming- Rick Steinerlines Knobs and Scott murders his ass with a Frankensteiner, Knobs just rolling over like a dead body on the sell. The Steiners win at (15:22)! But we’re not done! The Nasties attack from behind after the bell, smashing Scott with a belt and throwing Rick into the post! I do not believe this one ever got fully paid off.

This was AMAZING and the best pure Nasty Boys match ever- the non-stop onslaught on Scott was amazing, and they were even able to shake it up for a pair of slobbish brawlers, using an assortment of moves to work the back, pull off trademark spots (pulling the arm on the abdominal stretch), and more. And their selling made up for Scott’s lack of babyface charisma on his comebacks- thank God Scott’s moves are awesome because I swear he never so much as acknowledges the fans or pumps his fists on comebacks- just throws on some offense out of nowhere. But the fans are still like “YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY comeback!” because nobody else is throwing overhead suplexes every time they come back from a move. Sags in particular has great selling (landing with his ankles crossed all the time to look like a car crash victim) while Knobs is a gleeful, cackling jackass to make them more and more heelish. Also a brilliant move to start off so hot- have the Steiners hit remarkable offense like a superplex and the Steiner Bulldog straight ouf of the gate, jacking up the fans and then setting them up for 10 minutes of heel dominance on Scott. And because the Nasties cut off the tag like ten fucking times, one of those slobby pricks landing on Scott every time or provoking Rick to prevent the hot tag, the fans revel in it when Rick’s in. And the Nasties tease a bit more than their double-teams will carry the day, until Sags hits the floor. The Steiners offense is a study in how to REALLY pop the fans- their shit is so fucking over the fans do a Road Warriors Pop the second it’s clear Scott’s coming in to finish. Like “FUCK YEAH WE’RE GONNA SEE A FRANKEINSTEINERRRRRRRRRRRRR!”. He didn’t even GESTURE for it yet and it’s like they know and are so excited. Fantastic overall match- Scott basically lies there and sells for 12 minutes and the fans are still way into it because of how good the Nasties are doing, and the offense they all came here to see is in short supply but executed at the perfect moments.

Rating: ****1/4 (amazing tag match)

THIS! THIS is the beauty of late ’90s WCW!

WCW TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT:
BEAUTIFUL BOBBY EATON & KENNY KAOS vs. LA PARKA & SILVER KING:
(WCW Saturday Night, Jan. 9th 1999)
* oh my god YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! Look at this! Look at this mess! One half of High Voltage with BOBBY EATON and it’s against WCW’s chubbiest Luchadores! This is why WCW was so much fun to watch! So while you might be all “WTF?” at this Eaton/Kaos team, it was a D-show angle that ran for a bit: Kaos had lost his partner Rage to injury, so beseeched a tired, doughy Eaton backstage, bluntly said his career was nearing its end, but tried to add “But it was a GREAT career!” and asked Bobby to be his tag team partner. And so one of the best tag team guys in history ended up teaming with a Power Plant 2nd-year on the D-Shows. Speaking of, here’s Silver King, a resolute jobber in the company (despite being a high-end worker) and La Parka, who shoulda been insanely over but was a total JTTS. Kaos & Eaton are in black, looking like total opposites- Eaton is inches taller but shapeless and pasty in 1985 tights, while Kaos is short, juiced and ultra-toned in a super-modern singlet. Both luchadores are in the Latino World Order, an Eddie Guerrero angle all about how WCW was racist for making them fight each other.

It’s stall city to begin as La Parka keeps doing his dance, so Bobby slaps him, setting off a donnybrook that has the canned cheers going NUTS. They stand off quickly, La Parka going for the DISINGENUOUS HANDSHAKE~~ before popping Eaton with a boot and messing him up a bit- Silver King strangles him with a shirt as Kaos keeps drawing the ref’s attention trying to get in, and lifts him for Parka’s high kick, which gets two. Bobby catches him with a lariat on a corner whip and tags out- Kaos/King is next and KAOS HAS FINALLY FOUND A WRESTLER SHORTER THAN HIMSELF. Kaos uses a wristlock and bowls Silver King over with his shoulder, then puts the boots to him, but Parka boots him in the back on a whip and SK hits the superkick to drop him, and a weak Lionsault for two. But Kaos powers through a double-back elbow and slams them both down with a double lariat, exciting four or five people in the crowd! Kaos hauls up Parka and goes “HUH!?” to the fans and tags in Eaton for… what the fuck was that? A… spike shoulderbreaker? Kaos didn’t duck down or anything so it’s like Bobby just patted him on the way down.

Kaos spams knees to the get and slowly works over Parka, but things start falling apart as he slows down, goes sideways and ducks down for no reason so Bobby can hit him. Oh this is getting ugly. Parka quickly shoves Bobby into the corner so SK can work him over with headbutts and stuff. He weirdly rolls around Eaton’s body and ends up holding him for Parka’s slingshot stomp. Parka does a hilariously bad job of holding Eaton for a missile dropkick and of course eats it himself, for the silent hot tag to Kaos! Kaos his Silver King with a Steiner-esque salto suplex, clotheslines Parka in the corner and weirdly hugs him after for a belly-to-belly and clotheslines him over the top. THE STRAPS ARE DOWN but Silver King dropkicks him for two. SK adds a half-nelson/chinlock thing and Parka comes in with his chair… and nails his partner! In plain view of the ref, who does nothing (is this some legal grey area since he cheated but only hurt his partner?), so Kaos begs for a fan reaction and then tags in Bobby for the Alabama Jam at (9:39). See? WCW’s not racist! Instead of making all.the Latinos fight each other, they job them out to Kenny Kaos on D-shows! Much better!

lol oh man who gave this match NINE MINUTES? Way too long, and it started messing everyone up as time went on, like they didn’t have enough stuff for the span and weren’t on the same page with some stuff- you know it’s bad when EATON is in some ugly sequences. Stuff like Kaos just holding Parka and letting go on a weird double-team (bouncing back instead of driving him down), weird and slow whip-reversals and more- you could see them not getting on out there. Half the time it looks like they’re inventing moves on the fly (spike shoulderbreaker? King sliding around on Eaton on the apron?). Kaos starts aping Scott Steiner at points and the whole match flows weirdly, changing which team was getting the heat and nobody really working babyface except Kaos, who has no credibility with the fans (repeatedly going “HUUHHHHHH!?” like he wants them to start making noise). Half of it felt like emergency improv with some weird spots and miscommunication, too.

Rating: * (a very ugly mess at points)

FIT FINLAY vs. ALEX “THE PUG” PORTEAU:
(WCW Worldwide, 11/18/1998)
* THE PUG IN WCW!!!!! There’s fairly little of this, as Porteau did a brief “pretend to be a real name guy” big in the WWF before turning into a jobber like most 1996-era jobbers), then turned up in WCW. He’s not in his singlet here, but orange trunks. Finlay is the former TV Champion and they do a long discussion about what “stiff” means and how it’s exemplified by Finlay. They write off poor Porteau’s chances. Epically, he is using Chris Jericho’s original WCW theme- the instrumental of Mammoth’s “All The Days”.

Pug goes for the rare GENUINE HANDSHAKE~~ and is blown off- Finlay immediately clubs his chest on a rope-break and headlocks him, commentary detailing how he lays in EVERYTHING with extra impact and ensures his full weight is on the opponent. Then he pulls open Porteau’s mouth and elbows him in the teeth- hahah how can you not love Fit? Finlay shoulderblocks him down HARD (great bump by Pug), but loses an International via a hiptoss and PUGAMANIA IS RUNNING WILD oh wait Fit grabbed the ropes so he ate shit trying a dropkick. A stomp, slam & elbow all look extra-nasty and a chinlock/sleeper holds him down. Porteau tries to fire back but gets walloped by a short-arm clothesline and it’s so rad that the fans start getting behind Finlay. Porteau gets his ass absolutely BEAT, his face slammed into the ring apron, and then punched in the ribs when he tries to suplex Finlay back into the ring, but Pug manages a knee in the corner and clotheslines him for two! Scott Hudson puts over his stiffness (“and you know what? Finlay loves it”- Tenay), but Fit catches him on his shoulders and hits the rolling fireman’s carry into the Tombstone at (4:10) for a big crowd pop. Finlay wins! Lmao Porteau with the TWITCH SELL of the Tombstone- the S-tier jobber sell.

Man, Fit was SO GOOD. Like everyone knows he’s a good worker, but sometimes you just need a guy who puts a little bit “extra” onto every little thing. In the theme park industry, taking good stuff and improving every little thing is called “plussing”- Finlay was a dude who “plussed” simple punches and bodyslams like he was slowly trying to grind a guy out and get the most out of EVERYTHING. Just so nasty, cruel and mean. I liked how Pug looked like he was fighting and trying everything he could but Fit was countering him with TACTICS and ring-smarts, knowing exactly how to stop things (grabbing the ropes; punching him in the ribs when he raises his arms for a suplex), not using brute force but careful use of his cruelty to halt offense any way he could. That extra minute (most squashes run 2-3 minutes) was used well, here- Porteau was competitive while still being swallowed up alive every step of the game. Some good bumps and good execution from him, too.

Rating: *1/2 (epic squash, like a 5/5 because it almost looks competitive except Fit still runs 90/10 on offense)

Contrasting the Nasty Boys, who are big, ugly and mean-looking, here’s “working out is HARD, okay?” fat- the baby-fat “triangle titties” look of Grado. Who, to be fair, has an “Everyman” gimmick, which is the proper way to play this.

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: GRADO:
#500 appearance: 2014 (#500 in 2014, #392 in 2015, #293 in 2016, #314 in 2017, #394 in 2018, #454 in 2020)

-Grado is as much of a meme as he is a wrestler- nearly every YouTube video featuring him is JUST his entrance and nothing more, and I can only find three matches. He’s an ordinary-lookin schlub from Scotland, dressed in normal gear but being short and squat, full of babyfat- a good Comedy Wrestler physique. Like he could be Patton Oswalt’s brother. Look at them little triangular bosoms! From the looks of things he’s more of a “Mick Foley/Dusty Rhodes”- like he looks dorky but in an “Everyman Wrestler” sort of way? But lacking Foley’s psychotic mannerisms so he’s relegated mostly to indies. Having wrestled since 2003, he peaked a long time ago, but is still around. Most of his matches were for Insane Championship Wrestling, a long-running podunk indie from the UK, but he’s appeared on IMPACT a few times.

ICW “WORLD” HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
GRADO vs. CHRIS RENFREW:
(Insane Championship Wrestling, 2016)
* Like most regional indies, this proclaims its belt a “World” Title, which ENRAGES ME SO GODDAMN MU– no no, I know it’s not a big deal. Renfrew comes out with Pyramid Head and a nurse from “Silent Hill” and reveals… a tall lanky normal-looking dude with “WELCOME TO ICW” written on his pale, formless chest in ink. Man would I know working out is hard but could he at least get a tan? “WE MADE GRADO” is on his back. He’s at least learned the DDP “Give people a hand signal to make” school of “getting people into your act”. Grado of course comes out to Madonna’s “Like A Prayer”…. which turns into a country music cover of “99 Problems” by someone named Hugo. Grado’s in ill-fitting shiny trunks, Renfrew’s in dark jeans.

They start it out with FISTICUFFS, both looking okay (though Renfrew’s not selling in time with Grado’s fists), and Grado goes for the Rolling Slice (cannonball in the corner) too early and Renfrew dodges. But Renfrew isn’t paying attention and eats a cannonball off the apron (lol it hit a security guard and he didn’t sell it) and it’s some TITTY-SLAPPING on the ramp, but Renfrew goes for T-Virus (Jay Driller/butterfly piledriver) and gets backdropped out there. Grado takes the same move by charging in, and they brawl again, whiffing a bunch of shots (Renfew “ducks” a chop and punches Grado in the nuts)- Renfrew can’t get a stunner but does Greetings From Silent Hill (running lariat) for two and takes forever to get a kendo stick. Grado avoids it and does the Flip Flop & Fly, but on the Fly, Renfrew hits a stunner. Commentary’s all like “New champ! New champ!” five minutes in as it gets two- the color guy has the audacity to say Renfrew “is in the shape of his career- fantastic cardiovascular conditioning” as they struggle getting Grado on the top rope, slipping a bunch and having Grado help- Renfrew tries a Super Stunner but Grado throws him off, Renfrew helpfully fixing his elbowpad and shimmying into position for a splash that gets two. Grado is now fired up (leaning on the ropes and looking at the fans) as commentary is like “some people wrote this down as a comedy act in professional wrestling” as he hits two Rolling Slices, Renfrew positioning the stick behind him and getting up on a third and SMASHING IT over Grado’s head, leaving him dead-eyed and flopping down. Good timing and shot on that one.

This is “Working out is HARD: The Match”.

Renfrew slowly recovers and readies the stick, smashing Grado twice so he can try to blade again (first didn’t take I think), “savoring the moment” (ie. he blown up) as he takes more shots. Grado tries to laugh him off but keeps eating shots between the eyes, but goes “Cactus Jack” (okay so he’s openly mimicking both guys I mentioned, haha) and suckers Renfrew in and hits a stunner for two. That’s a double-down as Grado cues up the band and hits the Wee Boot (big boot, but he’s wee) for two, argues with the ref, then gets a LEATHER FANNY PACK, of course spreading thumbtacks all over the ring. They try Rock Bottoms & Stunners over the tacks until Grado hits the Rock Bottom on them for two. The ref pulls a tack out of the back of Renfrew’s head to put over the moment, then they fight more- Renfrew gets a Stunner into the T-Virus, missing the tacks, for two. Renfrew is upset but gets a barbed-wire covered board, setting it up in the corner, but gets German’d through it and Grado hits the Rolling Slice on it! Both are down for ages, getting up for NOODLY-SOLD PUNCHES~~ Grado fires up and hits the Wee Boot, but Renfrew uses the momentum to hit the Stone Cold Stunner, pinning him at (15:10) and winning the ICW Title.

Well that was a thing. Not a bad layout at all and Grado is okay, but Renfrew is just Temu Justin Credible (… you heard me). Renfrew had a lot of really bad noodly selling, which given his “intense maniac” persona is all wrong. All “bullshit” with him- faux intensity and acting tough. The progression of spots was okay, with the big “World” (hee hee) title match kind of justifying a bit of “2.9 Wrestling” and they’d at least do double-downs after instead of just springing up and no-selling to hit perfectly agile moves. Grado is kinda/sorta buyable as an Indie Everyman, looking like absolute shit but kinda wrestling like his heart carries him. Both guys using WWE Main Eventer finishers is pretty bush-league, though- very “we have WWE at home”. But overall this is the same hardcore match wrestlers have in AEW today, which isn’t REALLY a knock I guess, but more illustrates how easy these matches are to do and put together (the bloody spots are a good shorthand when you don’t wanna work too hard).

Rating: *3/4 (pretty barebones Indie Main Event with some sloppyness and double-downs to cover lack of stuff/cardio, but okay at points- better “booking” than in-ring work)

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: CLOUDY (aka KC Day, Eric Downs, Gryphon):
#500 appearance: N/A (#476 in 2006, #380 in 2009, #447 in 2011, #455 in 2013, #407 in 2014)

-Cloudy is an indie dude who actually debuted all the way back in *2001*, and never got a second look by anyone for whatever reason. That he’s a manlet with no real flipz to his name might be part of it (he’s BILLED at 5’5″, which means he’s possibly even shorter; he’s towered over by the ref in the match I’ve seen). Looks like he’s had the classic “Indie Journeyman” career, doing Northeast shows in upwards of 8-10 indies per year for much of his run, appearing in comedy promotion CHIKARA, ECW knockoff CZW, NWA New York, whatever “World of Hurt” wrestling is, etc. Upstate Pro Wrestling? Empire State Wrestling? This dude must live in NYC and just not wanna move, lol. He’s appeared frequently in the 2006-2014 PWI 500. He has a decent physique for a tiny guy and can work, so I’m not sure why he didn’t even end up in ROH for more than a couple matches- maybe just doesn’t know the right people.

CLOUDY vs. JOE GACY:
(UWA, 02/07/16)
* It’s INDIE MADNESS! With a generic-looking nondescript white guy vs. a chubby guy doing a comedy gimmick! Gacy is a chubby dude making silly faces and throwing a single streamer into the air to celebrate his announcement. Cloudy looks like a random deli worker but has those fancy Multicolor Indie Tights that were all the rage for a bit there (‘member when Action Andretti, Wheeler Yuta and Nick Wayne all debuted in AEW looking like they had the same tailor?). Cloudy is said to weigh “8 grams”, “From the land of addicts, Albany NY” while he spins around faking smoking the MARIJUANA.

Cloudy throws side-kicks to start, but gets caught and rushed into the corner so Gacy can roll backwards to gain distance for a charge- Cloudy chases when Gacy runs the ropes but eats a dropkick. Cloudy rakes the eyes and acts up heelishness, but gets caught and whipped around a bunch, slammed & beaten up, but begs off then hits a counter whirlie-DDT. He gets the most out of heel mannerisms, bitching about the count, choking away (“Oh so you CAN count to three!”) then wiping the dust off his hands to proclaim “THIS IS EASY” right before getting two off a neckbreaker. He whines at the ref some more (“I STARTED THIS PROMOTION!”) and takes more shots, but scores a rolling elbow for two. Gacy counters a whip by DOING THE OZ-CUTTER, which looks hilarious giving his Mo-like proportions. The fans were like “!!!!” and popped for it, too! This creates a double-down, then Cloudy comes up and bumps & feeds- he tries for a Tsunami (tornado) DDT, but gets launched off and a scissor kick from Gacy gets two. Cloudy avoids the powerbomb but eats a spinkick/kneelift/release Death Valley Driver for two. Gacy calls for the finish but Cloudy ducks a clothesline and Cutters him for two, but misses a stop and gets hoisted into a Ligerbomb for two. But Gacy charges in one too many times and gets tossed to the corner, rolling elbowed, and Cloudy hits two long elbow charges into a Cutter off the top rope and gets three (8:25).

Actually pretty good! THIS is what a lot of indie matches should be! Two trained guys, not embarrassing themselves but doing very typical spots, basic moves, and remembering stuff. Cloudy here is a great whiner, bitching about counts, getting in the ref’s face, etc., while Gacy is doing things like remember the crowd needs to get behind him (but not OVERdoing it) and hitting a lot of big charges. They seemed to wrestle like they were their actual sizes, which is somewhat nifty- Gacy was a big porker who WRESTLED like a big porker, revving up and using his body weight to catch Cloudy, smash him down, or charge at him, while Cloudy had to use spinny counters and lost every time they started brawling. They even dia a “psychology” moment when Gacy over-relied on charging in and that cost him the match. Only downgrade might be the “lol let’s kick out of huge moves” but it was really only one EACH so is hardly egregious. Both guys actually seem like real pros… and I see that Gacy is actually in WWE now so that explains it lol.

Rating: ** (perhaps I’m overly impressed after months of terrible indie matches and guys going 20 minutes doing “first day of training” spots but this actually impressed me, haha)