WCW Monday Nitro (Jan. 6th, 1997- All Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I felt like going through another WCW Nitro from the WCW YouTube channel- this one featuring GLACIER vs. BOBBY EATON of all things! Also a big variety of other stuff- Big Bubba vs. Konnan in a Strap Match, Kevin Sullivan squashing Chavo Guerrero Jr., Eddie Guerrero vs. Alex Wright, an amazing Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Psychosis performance, Lord Steven Regal defending the TV Title against Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Arn Anderson in street clothes against Jeff Jarrett, Lex Luger vs. Meng, Harlem Heat vs. The Amazing French Canadians, HUGH MORRUS vs. JIM POWERS, and a big interview featuring the nWo and Hulk Hogan’s PPV opponent, The Giant!

And finally, the PWI #500 for 2000, Dan the Dad, taking on one of the guys to play Curry Man!

WCW MONDAY NITRO:
(Jan. 6th, 1997)
* I wanted to check out another Nitro, but most of the other 1997 stuff is just continuations of the one I just did, and feature some LONG story segments (including THAT infamous Piper one), which isn’t quite what I want for this sorta recap. Our first-hour hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko!

GLACIER vs. BOBBY EATON:
* SPECTACULAR. A failed Mortal Kombat ripoff vs. a fading veteran. Eaton was used as a jobber for the last 6-ish years of his WCW career I think. Here he’s up against the still-new Glacier, who is carrying a helmet he won in some sort of backstory touranment (they were attempting a mythology of sorts around this helmet and his fighting career, with Mortis as a former foe, but it mostly got dropped for “they hate each other” and wasn’t dwelled on). Larry actually goes hard in putting over Glacier and how he had to work on the katas and mixing the hard and soft styles together. Glacier wearing the Sub-Zero ripoff gear reminds me that he should actually wrestle using the mask, which makes him look cooler than “some white guy with weird contacts”.

Eaton takes some kicks as Larry Z writes off his singles capabilities (“Great tag team partner, but…”)- Glacier stops his comeback with hiptosses and they mess up a leapfrog spot (Glacier ROLLS under him, which has his leg catch Bobby’s), then poor Bobby has to eat three big kicks in a row, Glacier sorta coming at him from all angles as this is looking messy. Like Eaton “kicks out” but Glacier might be leaning on him for real so it looks bad. Glacier leapfrogs him and hits a Superkick to end it at (1:54). Poor Eaton, haha. This was looking ugly- Glacier is sorta coming at him from all sides so Bobby is just doing his best to fling himself around off of it. Signifcantly more time was spent on Glacier doing his kata with Tony Khan’s weekly coke budget flowing around him.

Rating: 1/4* (just an ugly squash match)

STRAP MATCH:
BIG BUBBA vs. KONNAN (w/ Jimmy Hart):
* WILD. This is from that very short time when Bubba was in the nWo (as most ex-WWF guys were), wearing leather pants and a sleeveless nWo shirt, and Konnan was in the Dungeon of Doom (but… still doing the exact gimmick he always did). So Bubba actually turned on the DoD to go nWo (a lot of the early nWo jumps actually involved guys betraying former friends- Buff, Bubba, Norton, etc.)

Bubba quickly clotheslines Konnan down and whips him with the strap, but Jimmy grabs his legs near the ropes- as this is heel vs. heel, NONE of this is over, but Konnan gets a reaction for tripping Bubba using the strap. Konnan whips him like a dog, Bubba cartoonishly flailing around but he kicks him in the gut and wraps the strap around his hand for some punches. He touches three corners but gets choked from behind, barely managing to slam Konnan in the corner. Shitty clothesline drops Konnan and Bubba strangles away with the strap, then slugs away as they’re running outta energy. Konnan clubs him down with his hands tied by the strap and whips away, then nails him in the nuts and nearly gets 4 corners, but Bubba halts him. This is looking really ugly- Konnan is just all OVER the place and it’s making every spot look ugly. But Bubba gives him a punch and Konnan hits the 4th corner and wins (5:56)! An incensed Bubba attacks after the bell, hitting the Bubba Spike (boss man slam) and leaves. Match was about as good as the flaily incompetent Konnan going up against a washed Bubba was gonna be- just lots of punching and Konnan wandering all over the place.

Rating: 1/2* (too long and boring with some weak, soft punches, even with the strap)

It’s interview time with Kevin Sullivan! Whose accent is… wow, I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard him talk before. What a horrible accent. “This match has just stahted.” Also for a guy who’s been in the business as long as he has should be able to do a pre-tape without stumbling over his words. Next, it’s Mean Gene live with the Four Horsemen (sans Benoit & Woman)- Flair keeps going “FLORIDA GATORS WOO!” while a guy in a “Bears” jersey is right beside him. Flair immediately makes graphic sex talk of Benoit & Woman (“BENWAHHHHHHH is WORKING! HER OUT! As we SPEEEEEEEEEAAAAAKKKK!”). Debra immediately goes full Nancy Hicks-Gribble with a takedown of how ugly Woman is without makeup (“She is as ugly as grandpa’s toenails- no lie. And I hope that Chris is takin’ her to a fat farm- we might not see her for what? A couple of years?”). She then sings Jeff Jarrett’s praises, drawing him out- he asks to replace Benoit on the Horsemen, Arn warns him off for acting like a whiny victim (“We’re perpetrators!”), and JJ buries him as “playin’ second fiddle your whole career- to Ole, to Tully, and to this man right here, and instead of talkin’ to the horse’s REAR, I’m—” and Arn immediately kicks his ass, haha. Though this Horseman angle lasts a billion years and goes nowhere, effectively burying the group, repeatedly telling fans to accept Jarrett as one of them despite running a ton of angles like this.

ARN ANDERSON vs. “DOUBLE J” JEFF JARRETT:
* lol wait this is now a match. Jarrett’s in his lameass strapped top thing in “WCW white”, while Arn’s in a black t-shirt with jeans.

Arn beats on Jeff, then dumps him out of a comeback and smashes him into the apron. But back in, Jarrett hits him with a swinging neckbreaker with his feet on the ropes at (1:02) for the quick win. Flair is angry at him, gets in Debra’s face for defending him, drawing Mongo to get pissy at him, then Flair prances around while Arn doffs his shirt to the joy of bear fans worldwide (CHECK YOUTUBE). But Debra likes Jarrett and at this point Mongo is doing what she says and backs him up, so Flair sides with Mongo. This angle is death and made them all look like dweebs.

WCW TV TITLE:
LORD STEVEN REGAL vs. HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN:
* OH GOODIE, haha. WCW on a hot streak with edgy angles everywhere and here’s Duggan with his usual brand of cartoonish goofing off and no-selling. This was supposed to be DDP/Regal but an nWo attack left DDP unable to compete. As the bell rings, the nWo (Nash, Syxx & Eric Bischoff) come out and run off commentary (Larry Z suggesting he won’t chicken out, then just goes “I give up” and “you’ll only make fools of yourselves” as his partners leave.

Duggan immediately no-sells Regal and sends him scurrying away with clotheslines while Bischoff makes dumb comments (thanking his 3rd grade teacher for making him the man he is today) and everyone acting like DDP joined the stable. Regal flops around off of Duggan’s punches as Nash just makes for a tired/bored-sounding host and Syxx stutters like he’s on drugs (yeah, “like”). Regal bails again as this is clearly just an ad for girls to try out for “Miss nWo” at the upcoming Souled Out PPV. They try to put over how wide Duggan is and how big his hands are, but the match is slowwwwwww. Nash says “din-din” and Syxx keeps interjecting like the loser friend nobody likes- Duggan puts his head down and takes a beating, but a “USA!” chant immediately has him coming back, but Regal is smart enough to interrupt with stuff he CAN’T no-sell (eyegouge & trip). Duggan fights out of a chinlock but charges into the corner and Regal drops an elbow. They fight it out again, Regal bouncing off the turnbuckles with his foot and they charge for a double-down. Hacksaw gets up and wraps the tape around his fist, KOing regal as Time Expires at (7:30). Yeah, okay!

Not a match you can fairly judge as per the performers, because you KNOW they were told to just kill time and not do anything too extreme and distract from commentary (I wonder if there’s an industry name for matches like that?). It had the usual Duggan no-selling, but interestingly Regal seems to have the best ways around it- giving Duggan opportunities for comebacks but also cutting him off at various points to halt momentum- no way Duggan can really no-sell eyepokes or charging into the corner himself, and it keeps the match from turning into a Duggan jerkoff fest.

Rating: *3/4 (just filler nothing, but okay for it)

Of all the weird idiosyncratic wrestling things, Jim Powers doing the “adjust wrist-tape on the way to the ring” deal is one of the strangest. Like of all things why pick THAT? Also god damn Teddy was fat at this point.

HUGH MORRUS vs. JIM POWERS (w/ Teddy Long):
* please tell me this was an unopposed hour, haha. “We’re building up another midcarder” vs. “jobber with a manager”. Jim is, of course, adjusting his wrist-tape while looking right at the camera with a smirk on his face. HOW IS THAT STILL HIS TAUNT?

Morrus takes an early lead, but soon sells for Jobber-Fu until he no-sells a clothesline and gets his own. Powers avoids a corner charge and hits a 2nd-rope clothesline as the ring canvas cover looks really lose- keeps folding up every time a guy shifts his feet, which is REALLY dangerous. Powers with the old reliable “kneelift & double-fist pump”, but has no follow-up after a dropkick- Morrus ducks a clothesline and catches him with a front powerslam, and immediately hits No Laughing Matter (moonsault) for the pin at (1:40). What’s TRULY humorous is Morrus picks up a bunch of wins around this time and is not built up as anyone’s opponent- they just forget about his push and he starts losing. A hilariously quick dust-off of Powers. The best part is Teddy Long’s “aw fuck it” walk of acceptance.

Rating: * (quick nothing match- not a squash since it’s mostly all Powers until the two-move ending)

Hour Two! With Schiavone joined by Mike Tenay & Bobby Heenan! Thankfully they fix the ring cover.

REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. PSYCHOSIS:
* AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW shit- here’s Rey vs. Psychosis! Psychosis often seemed hired specifically to do jobs to Rey in every promotion in the world- as his second-flippiest opponent but more professional and less selfish that Juventud, he was a GREAT fall guy for Rey’s spots. He was quick AND good, and could easily base for all his shit. Rey’s decked out like a Diamonds playing card while Psychosis is in his ugliest gear- the black one with the purple chest and yellow abs. Like a member of Frieza Force before the DBZ anime staff got the colors down.

They do a high-speed sequence like only they were doing at the time, and Rey gets hiptossed all the way to the floor, but poor Psychosis eats shit trying an Arabian moonsault to the floor, going shoulder first into the apron. haha there’s a reason you never see THAT variant. Psychosis recovers in the ring dropkicking Rey out of a springboard attack as Tenay discusses Ultimo Dragon losing the J-Crown to Jushin Liger the previous night, BUT it was “before the title match was signed at Starrcade”, thus Ultimo remains WCW Cruiserweight Champion. Psychosis lariats him down, talks shit to the fans and hits a MONSTER flying wheel kick, Rey selling it like it stopped his heart temporarily. Psychosis follows with a big legdrop to the back of his head and baseball slides him into the guardrail, where drunken idiots manhandle the poor kid (actually slapping him on top of the head with a beer in the other hand), but Rey dodges a flying attack and Psychosis takes a GREAT bump just smashing the railing with his hands and bouncing back like it shot him in the head- at normal speed it’s almost impossible to catch. Rey Tiger Feints him for the “opposite side” cannonball attack and both are slow to get back in- Rey then monkey flips him into the corner from the apron and follows with a regular Arabian moonsault for two. Elevated victory roll gets two and Rey slaps on a headscissors to FINALLY slow this down, but Psychosis knees him in the head and that’s all it takes to set up the Guillotine Legdrop, but a slow cover gets two. He gets angry and cocky, walking around and hitting a Zenjo-style “shove them off the ropes” move and a big powerbomb (!) for two, taking his time and Rey hits a Manami Roll (with some rebalancing by Psychosis) for a close call. Rey hits the apron impossibly-slickly and stands ready, then dodges so Psychosis does a flipover bump (in slo-mo you can see him land on his shoulder and then pop his head out on the bump so it only LOOKS vertical), leading to Rey hitting his Springboard Rana for the pin at (6:42).

This match is a great example of Rey’s virtues- not the stunts (Psychosis is doing the lion’s share, actually), but his SELLING. Rey is constantly selling like he’s being murdered out there, sinching up his body, thrashing around in agony, gasping and painting in pain, etc. And this goes a way further in getting him over than mere stunts- it makes fans identify with him and get into him as a CHARACTER, which is huge. He connects with the audience instead of just spamming move after move. In terms of raw acrobatics, Rey Fenix might be his superior, but Fenix never bothered to sell or even act like there was an audience for any of his matches I saw, and that’s why he’s basically a small fry and Rey’s a generational icon. And no dissing Psychosis- while all his stuff is just a never-ending series of MOVEZ, he reliably acts like a dickhead the entire time, shouting at the ref’s counts, acting cocky, doing nonchalant pins, etc.- he’s got some impressive offense but nobody is gonna cheer for someone acting like such a dick, which ALSO helps Rey. Plus he can base for stuff like the Manami Roll (rolling up someone’s body and sunset flipping them puts WAY more on the taker than the do-er). I legit had no idea the match was only 7 minutes- they put a TON of stuff in there and yet it never felt overwhelming or like no move had a chance to breathe.

Rating: *** (top-tier TV match)

Sullivan is an all-time bad wrestling look, here. Late 40s, dumpy, fat-assed and like 5’6″.

KEVIN SULLIVAN (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. CHAVO GUERRERO, JR.:
* ugggghhhhhhhhhh the Benoit/Sullivan feud means we constantly have this doughy midget out there. I legit thought Chavo was Dean Malenko scrolling ahead because of his similar two-color trunks (red on top of white). Sullivan’s in red trunks.

Sullivan pounces before taking his robe off, resulting in a funny bit where he dumps Chavo and brings Jimmy in to take off the robe, causing Chavo to missile dropkick the both of them. Sadly Jimmy’s COMPLETELY washed as an on-screen talent by this point so the fans don’t care about him getting abused. Sullivan quickly comes back and wouldn’t you know Chavo is REALLy eager to bump his ass the fuck off to the bookerman, flinging himself around and somersault-bumping after eating the stairs and stuff like that. Chavo’s upside-down over the guardrail, hung in the tree of woe & smashed, and the world’s lamest finisher, the Running Stomp, finishes at (2:16). It’s hilarious going from AJW, where Kaoru Ito would hit that move from the top rope to the FLOOR, and here’s chubby li’l Sullivan doing a little skipping version to finish guys. Good squash, at least- Chavo was looking to impress.

Rating: * (decent for a squash, entirely off of Chavo’s all-out effort in bumping. 2.5/5 on the squash scale)

Last week: the nWo jumped Roddy Piper, smashing his replaced hip with a chair. Man, the ring is just PELTED with trash- that was a very WCW thing. Piper speaking in tongues (saying “benoit” a bunch I think) is pretty funny. And of course commentary makes fun of it.

I’ve seen subtler attempts to hide discussions during matches.

ALEX WRIGHT vs. EDDIE GUERRERO:
* It’s “This is the place to be!”-era white singlet Eddie Guerrero vs. a lime-green clad Alex Wright! The never-ending Wright push was kind of ending around this time- he used to be omnipresent on WCW programming, but a lack of backing from the office and the fact that he was never even REMOTELY over ended up sinking him eventually and I don’t remember too much of him after a point. Like he’s THERE but he’s just some random undercard loser as of 1997. Case in point, the entire deal here is that Eddie is the US Champion, but the nWo immediately assaulted him and Syxx stole his belt, so they’re fighting in a Ladder Match at the PPV.

They start out with arm-based matwork, then each do headscissors (Alex with the ankle-using version, twice), then slow it down with more arm & headlock stuff as MY GOD it’s yet another “talk about the angles of the day” match, as the fans lose patience with the matwork and commentary’s all about the upcoming Hogan/Giant main event, as Giant has been dumped by the nWo. Alex is doing kinda okay but this is nothing special- Eddie hits his senton and immediately goes to another armbar. He hits a European uppercut but gets clotheslined down and this goes so long that Wright has to use a resthold to cover Eddie’s entire face and lean into his head so they can have a LONG discussion. Some “grab random limbs and stretch” holds kill more time until Syxx comes out with the US Title and a ladder to taunt Eddie, who is able to kick out of WWE’s most lethal finisher, the Distraction Rollup. Dropkick, bridging suplex & backbreaker work two-counts as Wright dominates, then lmao he hits a resthold and the ref immediately taps him so he repositions to the hard cam. Then he gives them some long instructions as they rev up the pace- Wright hits a flying sunset flip for two, then counters Eddie with a nice belly to belly suplex. Eddie gets a backdrop suplex but Alex with a wheel kick, then a HILARIOUSLY bad flying axehandle, obviously just double-slapping the top of Eddie’s head. Wright with a Northern Lights suplex for two, but gets caught up top with a Superduperplex and immediately points to Syxx and hits the Frog Splash for the pin at (9:04), bolting to the ladder right after so Syxx hightails it.

hahaha that “axehandle”.

Long, boring match but not really their fault- they’re obviously told to go out there and fill TONS of time with more nWo chit-chat, mostly about the Giant. There’s also a funny bit where Heenan puts over how hard this match must be for Eddie because of all that’s going on and he buries Tony & Mike for “never having been in the ring” and how they wouldn’t know- Tony admits “You can be a bit of an idiot sometimes” as if to suggest Bobby made a good point, but is immediately stepped on so Bobby can dig “You’re talking about Tenay, right?”. Since Wright was losing, Eddie gave him 90% of the match, most of which is filled with okay-looking but antiseptic offense. Alex was really no good but I do admire how he’s able to hit good-looking offense with such an inappropriate body type for wrestling- that tall & lanky look makes a lot of stuff way more awkward.

Rating: ** (just “fuckin’ around” for a long time- the offense looked good but was boring)

HARLEM HEAT (Booker T & Stevie Ray, w/ Sister Sherri) vs. THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS (Jacques Rougeau & Carl Oulett, w/ Col. Robert Parker):
* Oh wow they’re actually acting like the French Canadians are a real team at this point. Jacques even gets MIC TIME, talking shit to the Cajuns (fun fact: “Cajun” is actually derived from “Acadian”- the region of Eastern Canada where many French-speakers were exiled, ending up in Louisiana and forming a different culture there), then sings “Da REAL French anthem”- O Canada. “They’re not the Righteous Brothers, but they’re not bad!” “Brain, they’re horrible!” “The Righteous Brothers?” “*cracks up* NO I’m talking about the French Canadians- they’re terrible!”. Heenan correct points out that Parker’s goofy French mustache makes him look like Claude Rains in Casablanca. The Canadians are in black singlets w/ Fleur de Lis & maple leafs on them, while the Heat are in red singlets.

The heels attack before the bell, but Carl takes a powder and Jacques eats a big double suplex. Stevie powerslams Jacques & chokes away, then Booker spinkicks & misses an elbow, immediately hitting the Spinaroonie up and Harlem side-kicking him. But Parker hits the apron, distracting so Carl can sneak in with a clothesline as Booker 360s off it. Booker gets repeatedly double-teamed. Double-stungun & piledriver hit, and they do the Quebec Crab/Guillotine Legdrop finisher, treated like a regular move and it isn’t over- Stevie breaks it up. The Canadians attempt to cheat again, but it backfires- Carl SMOKES Jacques with the Canadian/Quebec flag and gets sidekicked to the floor, Booker tags Stevie, and the Heat Bomb (powerbomb/flying elbowdrop) finishes Jacques at (4:07).

A pretty quick one, as the Canadians slowly tumble down the card into irrelevance. Not bad, but obviously just the basics, though Booker trying Jannetty sells and his flashy stuff (it’s wild that the Spinaroonie was a thing in 1997 but never got a name until 1999 and didn’t get over until like 2002) suggests he’s angling for a push for himself. Jacques remains an amazing midcard heel with his goofy theatrical head-bobbing selling. Even Sherri was amusing, trying to get involved despite being loaded as SHIT (probably drunk).

Rating: ** (a solid, short TV bout)

A look at Starrcade from the month before, with Sting coming out during a Luger/Giant match, whispering to both men and leaving Lex a baseball bat, which he uses to win the match. This kind of thing went a long way towards building Sting’s mystique- fans NEVER heard him talk, and he’d act enigmatically and strangely, doing shit like this.

LEX LUGER vs. MENG:
* Meng, in his old role as “Jobber To the Top Guys”, is sent out there with Dungeon of Doom music but no manager to put over Luger.

They do basic stuff, Meng clubbing but Luger countering a lot, but Meng ACTUALLY SELLS A TURNBUCKLE SHOT, only to get an elbow up and lariat Luger down. Meng chokes, chops and stomps Luger, shoulderbreakers him and hits a piledriver for two. But Luger manages to duck a clothesline and land one of his own- Meng tries to no-sell, but gets smashed with the Forearm Shot. Back body drop & powerslam get two. Meng comes back with chops, but misses a Stinger splash and ends up in the Torture Rack- Meng’s leg is swung into the ref and the Barbarian runs in to fight. But Luger quckly turns it around and Racks HIM, and the ref recovers and the bell is sounded at (4:52). Either a DQ or he counted Barbarian’s submission due to concussion, lol. A significant win for Luger- Meng meant almost nothing despite WCW’s occasional pushes of him, but the Faces of Fear had enough credibility that it meant something to kick both their asses at once. The match was pretty basic- just Meng clubbing him until Luger hit a comeback, but Lex had some FIRE here, really revving up his effort levels thanks to his new push. Meng’s general lack of charisma or even a fearsome aura (despite having an IRL one) was always an issue with him- he never really looked as scary as he really was.

Rating: ** (basic but fine)

MAIN EVENT INTERVIEW: The New World Order:
Here’s almost the entire American part of the stable out for an interview- Hogan, Bischoff, Elizabeth, Norton, Buff, Wallstreet, Bubba, Nick Patrick, Vincent, nWo Sting, Syxx, Nash & DiBiase. Only Hall (apparently visiting DDP to court him for the stable) is missing. I forget the nWo theme having Hogan’s laughter repeatedly. Miss Elizabeth looks miserable tonight. But Hogan starst a circle-jerk with Bischoff over how much the Giant begged them to not hurt him, but here the big man is! He immediately throttles Nash and throws him over the top (you don’t see a lot of NASH shitcan bumps), then Bubba & Norton go down, then Buff & Fake Sting are thrown off at once. Vincent & Wallstreet eat shit and then NICK PATRICK tries a shot and immediately gets press-slammed to the floor, landing ass-first on the ground when Norton misses a catch haha. Fans are going BANANA as Giant grabs Hogan’s hand and squeezes it, leaving him screaming in agony, then Bischoff throws a bunch of shots, Giant doing the great “….” realization, turns around and prepares to murder him. Sadly Bischoff was fairly immune to showing ass and so Hogan gest the chairshot and beats him down and the nWo swarms the big guy. Multiple chairshots finally leave him weak enough that they give Eric the big last shot as a karate kick drops him. The nWo invades the commentary booth and chases everyone off, allowing them to snark as the real Sting shows up to talk to the Giant (Nash: “I think Sting just said You’ve got terrible hair- try conditioner”). They send VINCENT out there to talk some shit as you can see the obvious sacrifice, as he puts his boot on the Giant, who wakes up, takes the bat, and sends him to hell with a Chokeslam. We’re left on the go-home show with him roaring to life and calling out the nWo, who flees in fear from him and his bat.

Overall, a pretty weak show though a tolerable attempt at building to the PPV in a few weeks- it ended a mixed back for the nWo, with victories of Masahiro Chono over Chris Jericho, Bubba over Morrus, and Hogan going to No Contest with the Giant after Nick Patrick stopped counting the pin. But DDP teased accepting the nWo’s offer and instead turned on them (leading to his rocket push), Jarrett beat Wallstreet, Eddie beat Syxx, and the Steiner Brothers beat the Outsiders. Unfortunately the last one would be one of MANY “nWo overturns it via Bischoff” results, so it still ended up mostly with the nWo in control.

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: DAN THE DAD (aka Danny Adams):
#500 appearance: 2020 (#500 in 2020 only)

-Dan the Dad is another indie comedy wrestler, being a generic-looking everyday dude wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt calling himself “Your father’s favorite wrestler” with a coffee mug (“… it’s only coffee”), ballcap and glasses indicating his dadliness. He debuted in 2014 as Danny Adams in the Missouri and Illinois companies like Dynamo Pro, and now mostly wrestles in Missouri’s Glory Pro Wrestling, but like most indie guys, shows up in 10-20 companies per year for a match or two (classic “wrestling as side job” hobby).

DAN THE DAD vs. CURRY MAN II (?):
(Glory Pro Wrestling, Jan. 7th 2023)
* It’s the only singles Dan the Dad match against a guy whose name I recognized… and this is clearly not Christopher Daniels in his comedy gimmick from Japan, but another Curry Man. Someone Googled it and said Randy Myers, though I can’t find it and he looks less ripped than that guy. Dan is fairly lanky and decently tall, with light khaki shorts. My favorite part of the look is that his t-shirt is tucked all the way into his shorts, which of course have a black leather belt. Wait, why is the guy with the “Your Dad” gimmick one of the only indie wrestlers without a gut?

Curry Man spends the early part of the match dancing, then scores the worst worked punches I’ve seen in ages, missing by a foot. Bobby Eaton this guy ain’t. Dan does the “something on your chest” thing and flicks him, gets two off a rollup. Curry Man gets a wristlock as it’s explained it’s his first match in 4 years, and Dan tries to kip-up but his side and back “have been acting up”, so he has to use the ropes to do it. More atrocious comedy wrestling follows, Dan bails to get a sip of coffee, hiptosses him without spilling, then Curry Man wastes time before pouring Tabasco sauce in the cup, RUINING DAN’S COFFEE! Dan becomes furious, whipping his shirt off to reveal his nothin-to-write-home-about physique. A back suplex & ten corner punches work Curry Man over, but he runs into a boot to finally dislodge his glasses 7 minutes in (which says a lot about how lightly wrestled this match has been). An “avalanche” hits Dan, then Curry Man claps his hands a foot in front of Dan’s head and somehow that’s offense, and throws his ass into Dan’s back.

A weird backbreaker gets two, but Dan gets an electric chair drop out of the corner for a double-down. Dan uses an ass-attack & Thesz press, still working light as a daisy, then gets the Tabasco and pours it down Curry Man’s throat. But he doesn’t sell it! Does being made of curry make him immune? I guess so, because he gets fired up like Ultimate Warrior (but with less talent or energy), shaking a bit and hitting a big boot & legdrop, then Tabascos Dan and they both hit the floor on a clothesline spot. They do TWO double-clothesline spots int he ring, seemingly having exhausted their offense, and they have the nerve to do the “stand up using each other’s bodies” spot, and they “slug it out”, ending up in a “hockey fight” even worse than how AEW wrestles do it, but Dan drapes Curry Man’s feet across the top rope and then drops him into a Flatliner. He gets “fired up” and tries for Baby On Board (a stunner with the guy piggybacking him), but Curry Man gets out and “torture racks” him into the BURNING HAMMER (oh you fucker) for the pin at (15:40).

Just AWFUL. This match, and the crowd, represent everything wrong with modern wrestling. Guys who can’t work holds worth a shit working at 0.25x speed in front of 30 smirking dweebs. Everyone sitting there all smug and “in the know” about wrestling, not laughing at anything (because nothing is actually that funny) but a couple doing self-indulgent “This is spicy!” chants and the like in a performative “WE ARE WATCHING SOMETHING AMUSING” nonsense. They could barely be arsed to react to any of this, ending up like they were doing it out of politeness or because it’s “expected” now. To be fair they were being fed garbage. The moves were done so lightly I’m almost offended the cameras were so close- every strike whiffing by a foot and neither guy even bothered to lay in shots into the corner or anything. And then of course a Burning Hammer finishes it (the camera going behind probably to avoid showing Dan going in sideways instead of head-down). I declare both guys, and everyone in attendance, should be kicked in the penis for this one. IN THE PENIS!

Rating: DUD (indie comedy wrestling gets worse with each passing year, I see)