The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.03.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.03.87

Originally written 07.18.26

Sometimes you just need something to distract you from life, which is why these old Superstars shows are ideal for me tonight. I got a message from my brother’s ex tonight that he had been found dead by police, which in a way wasn’t unexpected by me. He certainly had been “battling demons” as the saying goes for many years, to the point where we were completely estranged due to him never being able to shake them. He had made a couple of attempts to reconnect years ago when my mom first started her battle with cancer, but once she lost that battle, Darren was already off the grid for good and I don’t even know if he was aware she had died. He wasn’t a wrestling fan specifically, but I remember attending my one and only Superstars taping with him in 1991, and going to a closed circuit showing of Wrestlemania 8 with him the next year, before our relationship basically fell apart for good and we ended up two provinces apart. Probably my most vivid memory of our relationship came shortly after my first book came out, and I was visiting my parents in BC thanks to the modest cheque I received in payment. Darren showed up, uninvited, passed out on their couch after going on a drug and booze bender the night before, and promptly falling into a diabetic coma because he forgot to take his insulin. So you know, we had to call the paramedics and make sure they could resuscitate him before taking him home. And that was the kind of thing my parents had been dealing with for years since I left home the first time. And that was the last time I talked to my brother for many years afterwards.

Years later, in between his start and stop marijuana grow-op scams, he actually got the best gig someone of his nature could ever find: Working as a “collections” agent for the Hell’s Angels, the kind of repo man you didn’t want to meet. He actually started sending extravagant gifts to me, including a really premium Detroit Red Wings jersey that I still have. I have no idea why he picked that one because he knows I’m a lifelong Canucks fan, but it’s the thought that counts I guess. Sadly, after a few months of making better money than he ever had seen in his life before, he made the mistake of stealing a gun from his “boss” in the organization and it went badly for him. Luckily for him, he was only expelled and it didn’t end up worse for him. Making the smart play was never his strong suit, but rather minor scams and stealing whatever he could to survive.

In recent years he had seemingly been making an effort to clean up and be a better father to the two children he had, but he was fighting a losing battle and was essentially living out of his truck in between halfway houses. He sent me a few half-hearted attempts to reconnect on Facebook, but despite the over-the-top “finding zen” messages he gave out, you could tell he was still struggling and losing. A year ago he vanished from social media for good and never returned, and I had assumed that he was dead in a ditch somewhere and made my peace with it while mourning my mom. That I finally got confirmation of it tonight wasn’t shocking. I was more surprised that he actually was still alive for the past year, if I’m being totally honest about it.

But hey, that’s family. You can’t choose them, and no one is all one thing. We mostly had a decent relationship as kids before it fell apart and I can always remember that version of him and not whatever he became in later years. I hope he finds the peace he never could in this life. RIP.

Anyway, back to happier times in my life with the 1986 Year in Review episode. I absolutely remember this one.

Hosted by Vince McMahon

First up, we look at the year that Hulk Hogan, starting with his failed team with Mr. Wonderful, as Hulk is selfish one time too many and Orndorff puts him in his place once and for all. Later, they face off at the Big Event where Hulk deliberately knocks out the referee to save his title. Next up, we get a house show match between them in October, but don’t see the finish. I assume it was Hulk screwing him out of the title yet again.

Speaking of people screwed over by Hulk again and again, we next take a look at Hulk beating Randy Savage in MSG by questionable means, and then facing Brutus Beefcake in Landover and pinning him with a rollup and handful of tights. And of course we get the video for “Real American”, which remains a banger because Rick Derringer was awesome.

Meanwhile, the various stars offer their New Year’s Resolutions, although sadly no member of the Bobby Heenan Family ever became WWF champion, and Tito Santana never got the Intercontinental title back.

Next up, Vince takes us back to the Wrestling Album and the “Land of 1000 Dances” video, as well as the Slammy Awards in March. Complete with JYD stripping Jimmy Hart and Vince having to explain “ignominious” to Nikolai Volkoff.

Meanwhile, more resolutions, like Randy Savage promising “No more Mr. Nice Guy”, which is ironic because he turned babyface in the summer. Slick of course just wants MUN-AAAAAAAAAAY.

Meanwhile, we take a look back at title changes in 1986, starting with Randy Savage beating Tito Santana in Boston to win his one and only IC title. This was mindblowing for me at the time because I had never seen this match at the time and didn’t know how Savage won it. Now of course it’s burned into my brain forever. Plus we get the Bulldogs winning the tag team titles at Wrestlemania 2, which I HAD seen before at this point. Congratulations to Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne on winning the belts! I’m sure Dynamite appreciated that while he was concussed on the floor after taking a bump that the camera didn’t even show.

Meanwhile, we watch Captain Lou and the Bulldogs teaming up to beat the Dream Team, with Lou getting the pin on Johnny V for the win and then retiring. Oddly enough, the match on Superstars against Studd and Bundy ended up with Lou’s team taking the loss despite being the higher profile show.

Meanwhile, more resolutions, like Hulk keeping the World title, Harley Race winning the World title, and Blackjack Mulligan getting a bunch of cattle.

Meanwhile, in Canada, it’s the BIG EVENT at the CNE Stadium, featuring the Rougeaus v. Dream Team, and JYD v. Adrian Adonis.

Meanwhile, on the final episode of Championship Wrestling, Harley Race is crowned the King of Wrestling with help from all the heels.

Meanwhile, more resolutions. The Hart Foundation wants to win the tag team titles, and they certainly were about to realize that one.

Meanwhile, Randy Savage defends his title against Ricky Steamboat in November, as the ref gets bumped and Steamboat gets a bodypress. So Hebner revives, but Danny Davis runs out and keeps him from counting, which is a detail I always forget about. And that of course leads to Randy smashing the ringbell in his throat and taking away his voice for a couple of months. I blame Hulk Hogan, personally. Bruno of course doesn’t take it well, calling Macho a PIECE OF SHLIME after he celebrates the injury.

Meanwhile, we take a special look at the various animals of the WWF, such as snakes and dogs and lizards.

Meanwhile, more resolutions, as Orndorff wants to be WWF champion, Roddy Piper wants to be hotter, and Jimmy Hart also wants the Hart Foundation to be tag team champions.

And back with Vince one last time to wrap it up, as he announces the WWF Fan Club, launching soon.

This was a pretty awesome recap of the year and introduced all the major storylines and characters you needed to know for the new year. Well, except for Andre the Giant, who was strangely absent here before becoming a very big part of the show again shortly. I also would have liked a recap of the Danny Davis saga thus far and the Roddy Piper storyline, but really that’s nitpicking. I think the Challenge version might have covered that stuff anyway, I’m not sure.

Anyway, this cheered me up immensely tonight. Sometimes that’s enough.