Jumbo Tsuruta vs. Toshiaki Kawada (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a spectacular example of the pre-Pillars All Japan style, as Jumbo Tsuruta, potential GOAT and the top star in the promotion, takes on cocky young upstart Toshiaki Kawada! Can the biggest provocateur in the company enrage Jumbo? Is that too big of a mistake? Can his speed and counters overcome Jumbo’s sheer size advantage! Come see, as they take each other on in the 1991 Champion Carnival! Then it’s a 1998 WCW match from Rick Martel’s fun short-lived run, as he challenges Booker T for the WCW TV Title at WCW Souled Out 1998!

Next up, I find a lucha trios match from the 2000s, as Cibernetico teams up with El Mesias and the second La Parka against Chessman, Dark Ozz & Parka Negra, a black-clad version of Parka! Then my look at the PWI #500s continues as Pro Wrestling NOAH enters a podunk indie! With “Dangerous” Derek McQuinn as our centerpiece, I find him teaming up with KENTA & Naomichi Marufuji as they face Takeshi Morishima, Dinty Moore & Brandy Tatum! And finally, I look up some goofy guy named Japanese Pool Boy, as poor Christopher Daniels has to go to ECWA and make it look like this untrained moron can actually wrestle!

IF JUMBO WINS, KAWADA HAS TO STAY OFF OF HIS LAWN:
JUMBO TSURUTA vs. TOSHIAKI KAWADA:
(All Japan, April 6th 1991)
* Oh, I always wanted to watch this one. Of all the kids who wouldn’t get off Jumbo’s lawn, Kawada was the brattiest and the most emphatic about “I am on your lawn and am here deliberately”, and thus is probably the best at drawing rage out of grumpy old Tsuruta. Like, he’s the best wrestler around at provoking guys into a reaction, and Jumbo, who always looks like he just woke up, is maybe the last person in the world to try this on. And so Kawada will do it deliberately. 6’5″ Jumbo towers over his stunty opponent, and both have ultra-serious expressions.

hahaha you know a move looked good when almost the entire hard cam is making the “OHHHHHHHH!” face at once. Love Jumbo over-shooting into the ropes and bouncing off, too.

The seriousness of hte situatoin demands a serious lockup… and of course Kawada responds to a rope-break by kicking Jumbo in the arm. Jumbo looks fine, but of course takes the next immediate opportunity for a dirty-break… which Kawada scouts, blocking and elbowing him in the head. HA. Jumbo comes back with an armbreaker then whips Kawada into the ropes and puts every ounce of anger he just built up into a knee that sees Kawada FLIP-roll over him in a perfect sell. lmao all the fans on the hard cam have the same :O expression. Kawada writhes in agony on the mat, provoking a “Ka-wa-da!” chant- Jumbo’;s like “oh yah?” and responds by doing the same move. Jumbo twists on a half-crab and even THIS gets some “extra”, Kawada trying to boot Jumbo with his free leg. Jumbo keeps up working the intestines with an elbow and some knees, then hits his great bodyslam and works the knee. Kawada counters by twisting the ankle, but Jumbo rolls over him and STFs him. Kawada catches him unprepared and spmas leg-kicks, but over-rotates a crab and Jumbo gets out. Big lariat gets two and Kawada keeps him down with a headscissors, then a sleeper when Jumbo escapes. This lasts a while, but Kawada pops the fans by hanging onto a headlock off a whip attempt. Jumbo responds to the next one by just hauling him up and launching him- size vs. counters/speed. As Baba notes on commentary, Jumbo is 196cm & 127kg- “this makes him strong”. And because he’s also pissed off, he whips Kawada into teh guardrail and kneecrushers him onto a table. Kawada struggles back into the ring and Jumbo STEAMROLLS him with an epic Lariat for two.

Slow & steady, Jumbo measures him with a piledriver and wears him down with another crab and cranks the knee a bunch, then hits a big boot, chopping him down when he stumbles without falling. But Kawada finds an opening by countering a corner whip- lariat! Step kick! Repeater kicks! Jumbo covers his face with his hand to block some, so Kawada moves to a spinkick, staggering him so a running elbow right to the face finds its mark. But he tries another and now Jumbo’s wise- big booting him, and when the dumb kid tries again, just lariats the shit out of him- beautiful and all without stopping once. The hard cam literally SHAKES from the crowd reaction. Jumbo’s staggered to the corner from a kick from the ground, selling his eye and creating a big double-down moment as both rise… and Jumbo tries another Lariat, meeting a Gamengiri Kick to the temple! Our big moment! He pounds the mat in agony as he sells, like slamming both feet into the mat while he’s crumpled- this HURT. The crowd is 100% behind Kawada, like “HE CAN DO IT!” and he enzuilariats Jumbo to the floor to buy more time, then lariats him off the apron to buy even more! Kawada has his second wind now, repeater kicking Jumbo when he tries to duck through the ropes, then boots him off the apron and into the railing, where he facewashes him with boots, just COVERED with sweat. Back in the ring, a backdrop suplex (a big AJPW move) gets two. But Jumbo’s still too strong- he won’t go for a Powerbomb, and when Kawada pulls off more repeater kicks, Jumbo makes sweat EXPLODE off him with a gigantic chop. Big elbow! JUMPING KNEEEEEEEEEE! Jumbo goes “OHHH!” and covers- two! A short Folding Powerbomb- two! Jumbo pulls him up by Kawada uses some last-ditch effort by blasting him away, only for Jumbo to use the momentum- Jumbo Lariat, right when the fans were exploding for a potential comeback! He beats Kawada into a backdrop suplex, then picks up his dazed body for a HUGE one, covering him by literally pinning each shoulder down and staring at him like “Listen here you little SHIT!”, and that’s the three at (17:13).

Kawada keeps kicking out of everything Jumbo throws at him, so he hits two finishers in a row and then FORCIBLY holds his shoulders down in a spectacular dominance move.

Haha, how are these damn guys so GOOD? Jumbo is maybe the greatest of all time, and shows it here- he absolutely towers over tiny Kawada but knows how to sell perfectly, allowing the smaller guy to counter him. Does stuff like readies a big move only to “get caught” and collapses in a huge, dramatic “falling down to the knees” pose dead-center so everyone can see it, crumbling and literally pounding the mat with his feet to show how hard he got rocked. But he never looks like a crybaby or like he’s not dangerous- the match ends mostly because Jumbo finally got totally enraged- Kawada’s kicks finally provoked him into a huge chop, then the Jumping Knee, then responds to Kawada’s go-to offense (running attacks are the only consistent way to harm Jumbo) by finally intercepting him with a monster shot, then hits two finishers in a row to definitively put him down. A very dominating move- like Kawada had a chance as long as he fought smart, but he had to over-rely on running moves which got him caught too much, and his delaying tactics and repeater kicks finally just poked the bear too much.

Rating: ****1/4 (these guys are just ridiculously good)

WCW WORLD TELEVISION TITLE:
BOOKER T vs. RICK MARTEL:
(WCW Souled Out 1998)
* This is from Rick Martel’s strange miracle run in 1998 when he suddenly un-retires and wrestles at a high level at 42 years old, getting threaded into the WCW TV Title scene, which at this point was competitive with Booker T, Fit Finlay and others. Booker at this point had REALLY started to impress people and seemed to be moving up. Rick comes out as the most generic hand-slapping babyfaces to ever clap and go “Yeah!”, in black trunks. His theme music is AWFUL- just some late ’80s news-talk show ditty. Booker’s in red and does the classic “yelling at the camera as he walks down the aisle” thing. Only WCW ever did that. The story here is that Martel helped out Booker a few times, and in payment wanted a title shot.

They start up fighting in a lockup all around the ring, trading arm stuff until Booker smokes him with a shoulderblock. Booker keeps having to go “HAAAAHHHHHH!” because the fans aren’t immediately into it (TBF it’s a baby vs. baby midcard feud). Booker leapfrogs over Martel but gets O’Connor rolled, but more arm stuff leads to Martel trying another, getting shoved off, but harmlessly hopping to his feet. But then Booker lariats him out of a hiptoss because he got too cute. Martel breaks a pithold with knees, but a suplex is reversed. Booker misses an elbow but Spinaroonies back up and immediately Harlem Side Kicks him down in a great bit of timing- Booker’s youth and athleticism are carrying him against the veteran for now! Booker again over-relies on the lazy pithold, though, Martel again breaking free, then meeting a charge with a knee and a clothesline off the second rope, stunning him! Veteran instincts! But Booker counters his own arm thing with the arm-grab high-kick, getting two. Booker AGAIN defaults to the hold, and they end up back in it from an armdrag- Martel tries a leapfrog but heads headbutted in the gut, wisely selling it while Booker stands there shocked, then goes in to check on him- but Martel was luring him in, beating him down in the corner. Was that a botch he just immediately threaded into a new thing or was that the plan the whole time? I wonder if the headbutt was supposed to be “lower” and thus have pissed Martel off, hence Booker acting “shocked”?

Booker goes hard into the corner and Martel drops a great elbow- gutwrench suplex gets two. Booker slugs out of a chinlock but is spinebustered for two, commentary poitining out he’s working the back for the Quebec Crab. Booker gets a brief sunset flip in the corner but Martel’s right on him again, but a chinlock & abdominal stretch kill the crowd, even if they’re psychologically sound. Booker hiptosses out and again Martel’s on him, but Booker manages a leaping forearm! Booker wins a slugfest but Martel yanks the ropes to avoid a dropkick! uh-oh- Book’s on his back! Martel goes for the Quebec Crab and we have the surest sign the match didn’t really “land”- the fans aren’t reacting much at all for the only finish attempt so far- there’s a bit of noise but that’s all as Booker’s legs are straight and they’re way too close to the ropes. Martel is ELATED, thinking he’s won, then clearly sells frustration when he realizes he has to go to work- he immediately gets careless & caught, eats the Scissor Kick to the back, a side slam, and the Harlem Hangover (somersault guillotine legdrop, which mostly misses) for three at (10:51)- Booker retains! Finish got over, too! Martel swipes the TV BElt after the match, but it’s all to personally award it to Booker. This sickening display of mutual respect also gets over, Martel fully putting over Book. Saturn apparently attacks after, but this clip doesn’t show that or him being chased off.

A very clever, tactical affair- It’s not the most EXCITING match, but I’m liking how it’s the classic chess match- both guys are trying shit and doing tons of counters. Oddly, that’s the thing I miss most about WCW- their “house style” seemed to be way more about good counters than WWF’s was- WWF guys always just shoved out and did kicks to the gut as transitions. WCW matches would have counters and counter-counters, guys doing whatever they could to “catch” an expected move. Martel suckers Booker in and starts wearing him down, Booker’s initial flurry (mostly from his own athleticism) wearing down and Martel starts to be ready for him and proves difficult to avoid. Though the match was neat, it wasn’t really over- Martel wasn’t a compelling character at this point, it’s babyface vs. babyface, and even good focus on a weak point isn’t going to get them back into it. And so the Quebec Crab nearfall is just kinda “meh” to them, and though it’s sound psychology, they’re more into Booker’s comeback because he does cool shit than because he’s overcome the odds and Martel got careless. THAT SAID, good, decent midcard matches like this went a long way towards building Booker’s credibility to fans- not only was he consistently winning but the matches were ALWAYS **1/2 or higher, and fans notice stuff like that.

Rating: *** (it had issues getting the crowd into it for a few reasons, but was very sound in terms of working a body part and leading to a finish attempt, then Martel losing his veteran cool and finally getting careless and caught for a series of moves to finish him)

CIBERNETICO, EL MESIAS & LA PARKA II vs. CHESSMAN, DARK OZZ & PARKA NEGRA:
(AAA, 2013-09-05)
* I found a lucha match where I know some of the names! Dark Ozz I only found on a PWI list- he’s mostly a makeup wearing heel. Chessman is very clearly ripping off Wolfpac-era Sting with identical facepaint- never heard of him. He’s named after American murderer Caryl Chessman and is mostly a career heel in spooky stables, and looks very burly/chubby. Parka Negra (“The Black Reaper”) is an alternate-color La Parka. Naturally the other team has La Parka II on it. Cibernetico was in WWF for a couple months back in the day but has attained far more success in Mexico since then, becoming a top guy. He has done many of hte steroids. El Mesias (“The Messiah”) is a generic-looking dude with a Phantom of the Opera mask and sword- he wrestles with neither.

Everyone avoids one another by multiple tag-outs until Mesias & Chessman go. Chessman slides to the floor and Ozz gets flipped over by a kick to the knee. Cibernetico takes some shots, then La Parka beats up Parka Negra and dances. It’s not quite the same as when the PROPER Parka does it. Negra knocks him over and dances for like half a minute while the raucous crowd cheers, then scores a single kick. La Parka ducks some shots but is beaten by the other guys before he can fire back. Cibernetico & Mesias also get their asses kicked and Parka’s balls are dragged into the post. Mesias tries a comeback but gets merked again, everyone does the Royal Rumble “lazy lean”, then Chessman slugs all the technicos down, but Cibernetico fires back- Mesias gets a big tope con hilo on Chessman while Cibernetico & La Parka beat up their opponents. Man, this Parka SUCKS- he does this sissy little “Skip-run” with way too many steps in it. Everything he does looks soft as hell.

Parka dodges Negra and backbreaks Ozz, then armdrags Chessman to the floor. Cibernetico adds some beats, then hits a Stone Cold Stunner to Ozz, who flat-backs. Chessman begs off and tries the DISINGENUOUS HANDSHAKE~~ but Mesias spits on him. Chessman kicks away at him but gets headscissored. He fires off a superkick but takes a rana out of the corner and a Flatliner, but Negra saves & tosses Mesias. The Parkas fight, La Parka winning but just lying there so Chessman boots him for two. Chessman accidentally nails Negra, then Mesias accidentally spears Parka, but hits a back-cracker on Chessman while he celebrates. Ozz hits the Indie Spinning Uranage on Mesias for two, Cibernetico saving and beating him up, but suddenly Ozz’s stable-mates come out- Dark Escoria & Espiritu (I think that’s what commentary said) back him up, giving Cibernetio a triple beating until the ref Disqualifies them and declares Cibernetico’s team the winner (12:56). The heels beat then down and THAT’S DOINKS MUSIC!!! A trio of babyface neon clowns come out to fend off the Dark guys- it’s Los Psycho Circus! With like 12 dudes in the ring it’s way too hard to call and everyone rushes off after teh Fuck Finish.

Well that was certainly a mess. Largely “unchoreographed punching” instead of a lucha match the way I’d recognize it, with dudes mostly wandering around and th rowing punches instead of doing good old flippy lucha stuff. Ozz seemed okay and pretty quick. Chessman is a bit too bulky and just sat there eating stuff. Negra was quick and inoffensive. Cibernetico just looked slow & kinda lazy- like all he did was rush in with a punch and immediately fall on his ass and take a beating like he didn’t wanna have to move around much. Mesias seemed like a fine 6/10 dude, while La Parka II is just “happy feet” personified and looks weak & soft. Given the finish I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to work too hard but this is why I struggle finding quality lucha to watch, haha. I never know what I’m getting ahead of time- TV filler? A big grudge match? Guys who can barely work?

Rating: *1/2 (just kind of a bunch of stuff until spooky guys hit the ring)

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: DEREK MCQUINN (aka Dangerous Derek):
#500 appearance: 2002 (#500 in 2002)

-Derek McQuinn oddly has only a single appearance on the PWI 500 list, which is funny because even a tertiary glimps shows he’s leagues ahead of Slammer & Jammer or NUMEROUS guys who otherwise made it. I QUESTION PWI’S JOURNALISTIC ETHICS! Everything he does comes from WLW out of Missouri, which might be the reason for his lack of name. He actually has a couple of WWE squashes to his name, jobbing to Snitsky and the Bashams when WWE went to the South. He’s fit but SUPER short, and a li’l too doughy for WWE.

BRANDON TATUM, DINTY MOORE & TAKESHI MORISHIMA (w/ Atsushi Aoki) vs. DANGEROUS DEREK, KENTA & NAOMICHI MARUFUJI:
(NWA World League Wrestling, 2007 sometime)
* Well now! My options for Derek were usually “20+ minute videos against guys I don’t know” so I’m happy to find a 12-minute one that features guys I know! Marufuji & Morishima are of course from Pro Wrestling NOAH and doing a quick tour that took them through Missouri of all places. This is actually my introduction to Morishima, who’s a big boy but looks barely 19 here, with big hair and a baby-fat figure. He’s actually been wrestling like 8 years by this point, too. Derek here obviously works out and has that squat look with “1990s D-Bag Tats” on the shoulders and white trunks. The white guys with Morishima are “Low-Tier Indies 101” with weak looks (Tatum actually looks athletic but Moore is “Eddie Kingston” doughy… which fits the character name- a “Bringing Up Father” bartender who got a brand of beans named after him, on a guy who later gets called the Beer City Brawler- so I have no complaints, actually), badly-applied blue facepaint and sorta matching gear. To complete how wild this match is, LARRY THE AX HENNIG is on color commentary.

The bell rings and immediately it’s clear poor Larry isn’t cut out for this, repeating “right in yer right in yer right in yer hometown” and practically sundowning on commentary. Derek starts with Tatum, as play-by-play guy Matt Murphy puts over their collegiate athletics. They do a cromulent segment of pit-holds while Larry talks about how dangerous six-mans are because “six bodies and sometimes they’re all going in different directions”. At least everyone here is TRAINED- some of those late ’90s indies I saw are dudes who clearly haven’t the first idea how to work. Marufuji impresses Larry with a leapfrog but a hiptoss is blocked at Tatum downs him. Back from break with Tatum landing the Kick of Fear into a sack-of-shit-slam on KENTA, rolling through into a World’s Strongest Slam. Clunky, but it worked. Tatum climbs but gets superplexed down- the hot tag sees Derek throw chops while Aoki brawls with Marufuji on the floor, and an overhead belly-to-belly gets two. Tatum stunguns him to escape. Moore vs. Marufuji! Moore loses his grip on an Rish whip to amuse the Ax (“hahahah” “Bodies are slickin’ in here!”). Moore lacks a clothesline/elbow for two, then an Exploder Suplex for two. A Wheelbarrow/DDT combo- Derek saves. KENTA comes in to knock both guys off the apron and Moore gets triple-teamed into a double enzuigiri from the Japanese for two. Marufuji wins a strike war with a limp Moore but Morishima USES THE ASS (Larry pops HUGE for that, hahaha- “He should be arrested for tailgating!”). Everyone runs in with charging attacks on each other, but Derek ducks Moore and spears the crap out of him (“Holy Christ what a shot”- Larry) and Marufuji hits a superkick into the Shiranui (backflip tornado inverted ddt) for the pin at (8:20).

A fun little indie match with everyone just doing little bits. Morishima seemed like a sleepyhead, here- he didn’t get tagged in once, hit a couple moves, then quietly rolled the floor whenever it was his turn to take a move. Marufuji hit his stuff well enough and looked the best. Derek seems fine- fully-trained and a perfectly mid-tier indie guy.

Rating: ** (very solid throughout, even with no-name indie guys)

ECWA MID-ATLANTIC TITLE:
“THE FALLEN ANGEL” CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. JAPANESE POOL BOY:
(ECWA, April 5th 2003)
* Daniels, back when he was an indie darling with his goofy “Evil Priest” gear, was nonetheless one of the biggest workers and best carry-artists on the scene. He looks as bewildered with his opponent as I am.

Daniels recoils in disgust from having his hand kissed, and fans chant “Match of the Year!” already (fans were doing that back then?). Pool Boy “dips” Daniels as fans chant “Curry!” (his Japan gimmick was “Curry Man”) and he stalls out again. Daniels does an International and a takedown but gets his ass spanked, responding by stomping the crap out of Pool Boy and hitting a vicious backdrop suplex. The ref actually pulls him back like “That’s enough, man! Leave him alone!”. Yeah! Not like this is a wrestling match or anything! Daniels offers a handshake, but has to dropkick him after Pool Boy tries to get offense off of it. Delayed suplex gets two. Daniels drops an elbow to stop a sunset flip, hits a Russian legsweep & clothesline and milks the count. Oh yeah, it’s increasingly clear Pool Boy can only barely work a little so Daniels is controlling everything. Okay I shouldn’t be surprised. Poor Daniels has to let Pool Boy do a GO-BEHIND on him from a suplex and it looks ugly as hell, then he spins into a heel hook- at least Pool Boy knows to just stand there and wait for stuff. Daniels misses a slingshot elbow and hist the floor, where hthe poor fucker has to sell the shittiest baseball slide I’ve ever seen in my life, then a “pescado” that’s just Pool Boy leaping over teh top into a spinning ass attack because he couldn’t actually get the height to clear the ropes without rolling over them. Both moves were about as pretty as if I’d done them. Pool Boy hits a flying crossbody for two, then an inverted side slam, a clunky rollup (clumsily “spinning” into position), then runs into an STO. Oh, it’s a 2000s indie match for if you see one of THOSE. Best Monsault Ever… misses! He’s like “oh come on!” but gets “caught” in some flash-pins, then some kinda “straddle his neck and sit down” slam for two. Pool Boy climbs, gets caught, but manages a “rana” for two, Daniels reversing and then getting up to hit his neckbreaker-ish set-up for an inverted DDT for three (9:22). Daniels, good soldier that he is, rewards Japanese Pool Boy with the handshake of respect (“unless you try kissing it again”) then they hug it out… and he gooses Pool Boy in a reversal of fate.

I’m really seeing how Daniels was an indie MVP during the 2000s. There were a LOT of incompetent backyard wrestlers and he went all over the country wrestling all of them and trying to make them look good. This is not the first time I’ve seen him have to thread an entire match around a guy who was probably told to just stand there and follow his lead. Japanese Pool Boy was slow, clumsy, incompetent and not even good at COMEDY WRESTLING, just sorta doing some mincing and butt-slaps to start before wrestling a “clumsy indie match” afterwards, Daniels having to thread an entire match around him.

Rating: 1/4* (some quality carrying work by Daniels but his opponent was a 0/10 worker)