WCW Monday Nitro (03.10.97- All Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week is the last in my 3-Nitro review set as the WCW YouTube Channel put up three consecutive WCW Monday Nitros from early 1997- this is the March 10th SPRING BREAK Nitro from 1997! This one features the nWo (still with Sting in tow) announcing that Dennis Rodman had joined the stable, and the famous disollution of the Roddy Piper Family after last week’s disastrous show and segment!

Also here are a variety of matches- Eddie Guerrero vs. JIM POWERS for the US Title as Eddie’s issue with Dean continues! The Mongo & Jarrett team try to reach a united front against up & coming High Voltage! Scotty Riggs prepares to fight Buff Bagwell, but first must overcome dorky babyface Chris Jericho! Ultimo Dragon & Juventud Guerrera, big names for “cold TV matches”, are sent out to die against one another! Prince Iaukea defends the TV Title against Steven Regal’s partner, Squire Dave Taylor! Diamond Dallas Page gets another squash, this time against Sgt. Craig Pittman! Kevin Sullivan of all people gets a squash against Hardbody Harrison! Rey Mysterio Jr. gets built up against GALAXY (Damien in a mask)! And the all-time most bizarre “Only in WCW” Dream Match possible, The Giant, Lex Luger & The Steiner Brothers face Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, Roadblock & The Amazing French Canadians!

With WCW’s AMAZING Spring Break set, WHO WILL GO INTO THE POOL!?!

WCW MONDAY NITRO:
(Spring Break, Panama City, Florida, March 10th 1997)
* HELL YES IT’S A SPRING BREAK NITRO! The last in this set posted to WCW’s YouTube channel, this features the end of “Piper’s Family” (who debuted, of course, the week prior) and gives us another look at the phenomenal Nitro Spring Break set- the ring is set up around a POOL, with fans split off and in the stands. It’s a phenomenal setting for wrestling, full of raucous college students. And right ouf the gate we get the announcement that Dennis Rodman has joined the nWo and we see him with Hulk Hogan! And RODDY PIPER arrives with his confused, kilt-wearing “Family”, John Tenta and those two other guys I forgot the names of already! Well we haven’t seen the last of THEM- surely they’ll get named!

haha, you got a hot crowd, raucous fans, an amazing set, HOW DO YOU HOOK THEM? Rage & Kaos, of course!

Absolute top-tier set- maybe the greatest of all time.

THE FOUR HORSEMEN (Jeff Jarrett & Steve “Mongo” McMichael w/ Debra McMichael) vs. HIGH VOLTAGE (Rage & Kaos):
* AGGGGHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO our third straight Nitro opens with Mongo & Jarrett again. They’re on a big losing streak owing to miscommunication, as they’re being told to play nice by injured Arn & Flair, but keep messing up. Kaos takes the opportunity for the “Nitro pre-match camera shouting” going “Mongo, Jarrett, you think you’re a team? HAHAHAHAH!” while the McMichaels yell at the camera, too (“WE’RE GONNA PULL THE PLUG TONIGHT BABY! WE’RE GONNA PULL THE PLUG ON THE HIGH VOLTAGE!”). Why don’t guys yell at the camera during intros anymore? Voltage are in black gear with flame designs.

The boys in the audience are all distracted by Debra as Mongo still sports the cut from last week’s potatoing via the Halliburton briefcase. He escapes armbars and hits High Voltage with his football tackles to their upper thighs and the Horsemen land a drop toehold/legdrop. Kaos puts his head down and is neckbreakered by Jarrett, into the rope-choke ass-slam (WHY DOES THAT MOVE STILL NOT HAVE A NAME?), but he gets nailed by Rage and double-teamed. Rage does some simple stuff and Kaos gets slingshotted in for a splash as Larry Z puts over how good the team is (“This team reminds me of a young Harlem Heat when they were just starting out- HUNGRY, very aggressive”) and posits they could use a manager, and Tony adds “if you ask any veteran tag team who the best rookie tag team if our sport is, and they all say High Voltage”. Crowd chants “We want Flair!” and Rage springboards in onto Jarrett’s knees, and Jarrett oddly makes his own comeback, doing a buncha moves to both guys and clotheslines Kaos over the top. Butterfly suplex sets up Mongo’s neckbreaker and Tombstone to finish at (4:43). NO HIGH VOLTAGE LOST :(. Hugh Morrus & Konnan & Public Enemy got the win but poor Rage & Kaos boooooo. Match was perfectly fine TV filler- High Voltage didn’t get as much of a heat sequence on Jarrett, but JJ isn’t over anyways.

Rating: ** (fine enough filler bout)

Wrestling’s greatest mystery: Why does this spot, which occurs nearly weekly across 40 years, not have a name?

Already it’s Mean Gene with “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and Piper’s Family– John Tenta, Craig Mally, and Layton Morrison- the latter two are stuntment from Roddy Piper’s B-movies, given a spot at a PPV match I guess as a favor to him. But wait! Piper has words with his critics (“I’ve just been getting HAMMERED by critics!”), calling out Howard Stern for mocking him for “trying to give some guys a break”. Piper asserts that “Howard Stern is hung like a PIMPLE!”. He then calls out the WWF “We have no one-hip wrestlers in our Pay Per Views. YOU’RE RIGHT! You have no one HIP at your Pay Per Views!”- OWNED. But Arn says this is a game for “Professionals- not amateurs” and Flair adds that Piper has overmatched himself. They want Piper to lead the HORSEMEN against the nWo at the PPV. Flair’s charisma seems to turn the tide- “YOU’RE… an Icon! Let’s go take the CON MAN down!” and such. Piper finally agrees, saying his Family will watch his back, but “I would be PROUD to lead the Horsemen!”. So yes, WCW has called a “Mulligan” on Piper’s Family IMMEDIATELY- the very next show they’ve written them out, and you’ll never see these guys again. They look kinda dumbfounded, but Tenta keeps it professional with thumbs up and hugging- Mally just looks heartbroken. The PPV will now be Hogan/Rodman/Outsiders vs. Piper/Jarrett/Mongo/Benoit vs. Giant/Luger/Steiners. Alas, we’ll never see what happens when Hall & Nash are asked to sell for two stuntmen with no wrestling experience.

Stevie Ray in his podcast/channel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQNjzfWBPfA) says that Tenta was INCENSED by this, throwing a fit backstage and throwing things around because Arn had the nerve to call HIM an amateur. “I’ll STRETCH HIS FUCKIN’ ASSSSSSSS!” while Stevie just sat there like 0_0 because like… if Tenta goes after Arn, who’s gonna stop him? MAYBE Meng, otherwise you’d need a half-dozen other dudes. Tenta apparently calmed down and nothing came of it, but that was the end of his WCW run. Arn allegedly looked right at Tenta as he said “You’re not ready”. Stevie: “This man was ready to KILL somebody”. And yeah, it’s a bit weird for Arn to saddle Tenta in along with the other two considering Earthquake is a way bigger star than Arn ever was.

WCW TV TITLE:
PRINCE IAUKEA vs. SQUIRE DAVID TAYLOR:
* The Regal/Nakamaki feud continues! Taylor is Regal’s “Clone Buddy” tag partner and of course tries to avenge his loss by fighting the Prince. Taylor playing posh is hilarious- he has this SUPER thick Yorkshire accent but he seems to try to slip into Received Pronunciation a few times. He’s in blue trunks, Iaukea’s in purple shorts.

Taylor goes to the eyes right away but IMMEDIATELY this is so unimportant we cut to the nWo arriving en masse via a giant stretch Humvee… but Michael Wallstreet is apparently SUCH A FUCKING LOSER that he’s KO’d from behind and nobody sees it! Which looks hilarious because he still has shades on so he just looks asleep. Surely we’ll find the answer as to who attacked him before the end of the show! A minute in we finally see Taylor score some European uppercuts, but he gets sunset flipped for two, countering for the same. Then, in the weirdest finish ever, Taylor hauls him up for a big bodyslam… but he leans back… and back… and back… and Iaukea FALLS ON HIM for the pin at (2:46) in the weakest counter finish I’ve ever seen.

Rating: DUD (we see almost none of it)

I feel like WCW is just getting a little bit too cocky in these Monday Night Wars.

WCW UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
EDDIE GUERRERO vs. JIM POWERS (w/ Teddy Long):
* JIM POWERS GETS A TITLE SHOT ON LIVE TV!!! I love how even all these years after his WWF run, Jim Powers still comes down the aisle adjusting his wrist-tape with an absent-minded smile. Eddie of course also has his own quirk, shouting “It’s time to ROCK AND ROLL here in Panama City!”- his babyface default is to name the town. Powers is on ALL THE STEROIDS by this point, wearing a singlet but being Scott Steiner-level big. Dean Malenko is on commentary to continue his “Eddie is actually a bad person” angle, using his usual megawatt charisma to assert that “I thought it would be apropos that someone would step forward with insight about what the true Eddie Guerrero is all about”. Both guys are wearing singlets with the same color scheme in different designs, which is funny.

Eddie & Powers chain-wrestle (Eddie doing the leading, of course) as Dean stumbles over his words and sais “rosen” instead of “risen”. Powers wisely uses his strength advantage, sending Eddie flipping off a shoulderblock, then hiptossing & clotheslining him, but Eddie dropkicks him rather than take the Eddie Bump, only for Jim to counter a corner whip and nail an overhead belly-to-belly suplex (!) for two, then a delayed vertical suplex. Eddie counters with his roundhouse kick (more of an ass-slam) and rolling senton for two, but Long points out his foot’s way in the ropes.But he hits the apron to argue with the ref, and Eddie pulls Powers into him, knocking both down and scoring the cheap win on Powers with a schoolboy at (2:49). Hilariously, this makes Dean’s point but he doesn’t raise his voice ONCE or go “YOU SEE?” or anything- just saying “Tony… I don’t have to say no more”. In-ring, Mean Gene critiques Eddie “You ARE changing!” and Eddie gets a bit impassioned- after stumbling a bit he gets his energy up and the loud yelling keeps him on track. Onwards to their US Title match at Uncensored!

Rating: *1/2 (pretty generic filler match, but at least they played up Powers’ size advantage)

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. SGT. CRAIG PITTMAN:
* Oh, wonderful. Pittman is a guy I barely remember making TV, but here he is, dressed like a total slob in a sleeveless baggy shirt and cargo pants. His Wikipedia page is full of a long history of his amateur wrestling career… and all the sources are to a shoot interview he did with Hannibal. Hey but it says IT’S A SHOOT- that means he has to tell the truth. Why would a wrestler just go on the internet and tell lies? DDP’s in leather pants. Best part is DDP doing his best to throw off all his shit casually and Pittman just goes up and kicks his vest like “GOTCHA!”.

Pittman starts off by double-legging him and doing a taunt, then scores a snapmare and does the same. DDP kinda does the “Jake Roberts” thing, playing it cool and hanging back, then does his arm-snap thing ramming the shoulder. An international turns into DDP countering a hiptoss by putting his leg across Pittman’s neck and hitting a proto-Fameasser with the far leg. Pittman bails and comes back with a headbutt and some awful punches, then stuffs him with clutches and chokes- straight-arm lariat gets two. A simply awful whip off the ropes leads to Pittman’s belly-to-belly for two. DDP fires back with punches and repeatedly makes his “diamond” motion (this is a great trick- the fans don’t react for any of his OFFENSE, which always looks like shit, but they’ll respond to hand signals)- Pittman again headbutts him low, but lurches into the corner and DDP charges in behind him and hits a RUNNING Diamond Cutter for the pin at (4:19). After the match, Mean Gene talks to DDP, but the power goes out partway through and they carry on a minute like nothing happened, haha. SLOPPY SHOP! They’re back from commercial and re-do it. DDP says Savage will remember him. Amusingly, DDP doesn’t even get a PPV match since Savage is in the War Games main.

Man, Pittman is one of the most fascinatingly bad wrestlers ever- like NOTHING looks correct with him, he spends the whole match crouching down with his head sticking up and making weird faces, he always seems outta place or like he’s doing something that confuses his coworker, etc. DDP is that weird mix of a guy who is unathletic and has horrible-looking stuff, but has timing, knows when to time building his SmackDown! meter, and has an A+ over finisher. This ends up getting the crowd sorta into this horrible match regardless. Like they’re not ENRAPTURED or nothing but they’re not bored and they respond to his stuff. And it’s funny cuz I’m no DDP fan, and people often overstate HOW popular he was (he presages a big ratings drop-off as his push maximizes) but this shit should be studied.

Rating: 1/2* (SO BAD and clunky, yet over with the fans simply because of DDP)

How many “Galaxy” costumes did this guy buy before giving up?

REY MYSTERIO, JR. vs. GALAXY:
* IT’S THE RETURN OF GALAXY! Damien 666 in an Ultraman-like get-up (but in black) and he’s being fed to Rey, who again gets a showcase in anticipation of his match vs. Iaukea at the PPV. Rey’s in orange & black- more unique gear! Rey actually does a solid inset promo defying the critics saying he “couldn’t wrestle the big ones- Well this is where I am- I’m where the Big Boys Play”. Very “regular guy”, humble yet defiant.

The two do a slow-motion lucha routine with the double-knucklelock into the see-saw and Rey slowly backflips out of rana position, but he swiftly takes Galaxy down and hits a springboard dropkick, nearly putting him in the pool (presaging when someone will inevitably do just that!). Larry Z, infamous for dissing Cruiserweight tactics, is actually ALL IN on praising Rey and how impressive he is (“I like watching Rey Mysterio, and I don’t like anybody!”), and when Galaxy catches him and does a ropewalk, Rey pulls him crotch-first onto the top rope and hits the Sabu rope-assisted moonsault for two. Galaxy calls spots and gets a corner whip/lariat, but misses a blind moonsault- Rey finishes handily with the Springboard Hurricanrana at (2:21). SUPER fast match- largely a squash with Galaxy acting as a tackling dummy. It was slower than most Rey matches tend to be- even the rana was a bit clunky and lacked his usual SNAP, which might be Galaxy’s fault.

Rating: * (super quickie near-squash- Rey’s stuff looked good, if slower than normal)

Ring crew darting in to be extra-helpful.

Hour #2 starts with Mean Gene interviewing John Sencio from MTV (being Canadian I wouldn’t know any VeeJay but Carson Daly so I have never heard of him) and he calls out Miss WCW Monday Nitro, Pamela Rogers, who looks to be a highly nervous college student (that old lech Mean Gene says “I laid out on the beach as bait, and I guess it worked!” and “I think the sash is way too big, but…”). Poor girl has to get instructions on how to get into the ring and isn’t sure how to bend to get through the ropes- thankfully the ring crew guy is there to get an eyeful be helpful and pull down the middle rope while the fratboys in the front row have heart attacks and catcall.

THE GIANT, LEX LUGER & THE STEINER BROTHERS (Rick & Scott) vs. GREG “THE HAMMER” VALENTINE, ROADBLOCK & THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS (Jacques Rougeau & Carl Oulette, w/ Col. Rob Parker):
* This is a match I’ve remembered and been obsessed with for like twenty-five years, lol. I think it’s the reason Dream Matches as a column entirely! It’s just such a random assortment! You’ve got a washed-up WWF guy on the tail end of his career, a giant jobber, and The Quebecers, shuffled into WCW as a bottom-tier tag team before they came back for a one-off so short I have to frequently double-check to make sure it happened. And they’re up against the anti-nWo squad. I knew I’d found my people when the Blog waxed nostalgic over this brilliant “ring in the pool” set. Luger & Giant are in black, with Scott in his near-Poppa Pump look (uber-roided and in a white singlet) & Rick in black & neon. Greg’s in black, Roadblock’s in a rare black singlet (with his name on it), and the Canadians are in black singlets with maple leafs & fleur de lis on them.

Hammer drops elbows on Luger, who comes back with a slam. Rick comes in with a Steinerline, but gets snagged by Carl and eats more elbows. The Canadians double-team him and garrotte him on the top rope. Roadblock’s in, and he hits a slam, but misses a dive off the second rope- Scote comes in and hits a MONSTER T-Bone suplex (keep in mind this dude’s like 360 lbs.), then tags in The Giant, who finishes him in one move with the Chokeslam (2:09) as his partners beat on the opposing team. LOL my description of the contestants was longer than the match. This was just a total squash to set us up for War Games, with these guys taking only a tiny bit of offense before squashing the biggest guy on the opposing team in two hits. Such a bizarre, WCW-esque use of guys like the Canadians. They even had a manager!

Rating: * (just a complete squash for the most part)

ULTIMATE DRAGON (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA:
* Interesting- another Juvi appearance! They really seem to be emphasizing him weekly right now, even with Rey around. Juvi’s in blue, Dragon’s in a black top and gold pants- not used to seeing him in two colors like that.

They start off at hyperspeed immediately, doing a lightning-fast International, but Dragon just stands there an Juvi’s rana fails, but stands there for a headscissors as the fans are eerily silent. The camera helicopter is LOUD, too- Dragon distracts the ref so Onoo can fire off some kicks, but lmao- Juvi won’t sell any of the three, getting knocked down but standing up like “hey fuck you”. Dragon comes at him from behind and their fight against the railing has the fratboys in a lather waiting to see someone in the water, to the point where they get heat for rolling back into the ring. Dragon won’t give shit to Juvi and scores his kick series, then hits “GMSI” mode with loud kicks, a spinning torture rack and a surfboard, slingshot suplex. Things slow down as this is obviously our “talk about the angles of the day” match, then Juvi puts him on the floor and cannonballs him off the top in a big bump. Springboard wheel kick gets two, then Juvi kicks him in the face, imperssing Heenan… then Dragon just no-sells and hits a Running Ligerbomb, not going for the pin. Tony openly calls out that he’s doing it to get more shit in and impress everyone, haha- he hits the Super Frankensteiner and Tiger Suplex to pin him at (4:51). Holy shit the MOVEZ, lol. Gave him jack shit and annihilated him with big stuff.

Watching Ultimo Dragon matches, I get the impression if you don’t INSIST you get your shit in, he’ll just take over the entire match with his own stuff. “Okay my moves are the best strikes, also I have a big high flying move, and my other finisher is a deadly submission. Mid match I will hit a running ligerbomb”. Everyone in AEW seems to wrestle like this, haha. The funny thing is it’s all this cool-looking shit but he’s not over AT ALL despite having held the J-Crown not that long before. Just too antiseptic. Like imagine today a guy hitting a super frankensteiner and drawing NOTHING from the fans.

Rating: ** (a fine enough display of slick MOVEZ but not over and just the typical Dragon getting his shit in)

CHRIS JERICHO vs. SCOTTY RIGGS:
* HELL YES JERICHO’S DORKY MAMMOTH COVER THEME! This has “filler” written all over it. but I forgot Riggs had the Buff issue.

They have the most “Scotty Riggs” match possible (International! Chinlock! Another International!), then Jericho hits an overhead belly-to-belly and his slingshot dropkick. Jericho brings him in with a jackhammer of all things (he didn’t invent it, though! Jaguar Yokota was doing that in 1985 AJW!). For some reason security is eyeing down the front row and killing the vibe. Jericho gets his foot up in the corner but runs into a powerslam, then Riggs goes “yeah!” and climbs to get crotched up top- Jericho gets front superplexed off and takes the worst flying shoulderblock ever- Riggs gets two. Jericho escapes a backdrop suplex with a German for two, but runs into a flying forearm and Buff’s in for the Disqualification (3:39), whipping Riggs with a belt repeatedly. Except Jericho kicks Buff’s ass and sends him running, making Riggs look like a MEGA-doofus. Riggs gets the DQ win and shakes hands with Jericho. This was Wrestling: The Match, with neither guy doing anything interesting or that well- it felt more like a Power Plant Graduation Test than a proper bout. But as it was a quickie leading to an nWo run-in it’s fine.

Another Mean Gene/Madusa interview! God forbid women’s matches get TV time! She gets lost in her thoughts like three times, reading off an invisible cue card that is apparently moving. “For the… WOMEN’S… championship… belt! Be it… in the United States… or Japan!” then calls out Luna Vachon again. Who she never fights on TV. She wrestles about one match a month until she retires in 3 months.

KEVIN SULLIVAN (w/ Jacquelyn & Jimmy Hart) vs. HARDBODY HARRISON:
* Bugger me, a KEVIN SULLIVAN squash? They have a Monday Night War to win! Sullivan is fat, short and dumpy, taking on an unnamed tall, muscular black guy in teal trunks.

Sullivan beats Harrison’s ass with stomps & punches, then dumps him for Jacquelyn to WHUP HIS ASS, drawing one of the biggest reactions of the show for a snapmare & body slam while wearing an evening gown. Harrison gets a clumsy sunset flip & inside cradle and Sullivan openly calls spots and they do the dreaded FAILED SHITCAN as Harrison eats shit hitting his upper AND lower body on separate ropes because he’s taking the bump upside-down for some reason hahahaha. Then Sullivan crotches him on the guardrail as Tony calls him “Hardbody Henderson” and then pulls him around the pool for a COUNT-OUT FINISH at (1:54). Jackie throws some punches, Sullivan smacks him with a wood sign, then whips him into Jacquelyn’s clothesline. They continue the beating, roll him down some stairs, then KEVIN SULLIVAN BOOKS HIMSELF TO THROW A GUY INTO THE POOL, popping the fans and wasting that crowd-pleasing bump with the lamest guy on the roster. THIS FUCKIN’ COMPANY! This is especially worthless because Sullivan only does one more Nitro squash then loses his career to Benoit in 4 months. Sullivan cuts a simply awful promo in his gross accent that makes very little sense- at least Jackie keeps on point. He warns “NO EXCUSES” for the Horsemen, who he has zero involvement with outside of Benoit, and he isn’t involved with the nWo thing at all. Good lord that was almost as bad as Madusa’s promo.

At least it leads to amazing screencaps.

nWo MAIN EVENT PROMO:
Despite being suspended last week (“I don’t even wanna hear you’ve been to the BATHROOM in a WCW show!”, Bishcoff came out an hour later to be like “haha no I can still come out!”. And now they’re here to celebrate Dennis Rodman, then a REALLY hot shit celebrity, as the newest member of the nWo. However, Rodman isn’t here- it’s just a “previously filmed” thing with only him and Hogan. You know, for years we’ve all disrespected and made fun of Hulk Hogan’s acting skills, but here he is pretending to enjoy the presence of a black person and NONE OF US KNEW. Truly the man was underrated as a performer! All Rodman says is “we can do a double-team, triple-team, but the nWo is the new team of the future. Sweeeeet!” They at least make sure to call attention to Sting following behind them- he stood behind them a couple weeks ago and has been silently trailing them for weeks. Pointedly, however, they place a shirt on his chest, and he doesn’t move his hands to grab it so it just drops at his feet. Nash comes off as shitfaced: “I got three letters to give to da Steiner Brothers… L.D.W.! Pick up the Lost Damage Waiver, BRAHS!”. Savage cuts a long meandering nothing about DDP, refusing to name him, while Hoagn says “The nWo is TITS, brother!”.

The show itself was a great visual spectacle, even though not much happened story-wise- they built up most of the guys getting PPV matches, gave promo time to the big fights, and more. Obviously DDP had to be built up despite no PPV match (you know why) and they had to write out Piper’s Family SOMEHOW. How they did it wasn’t really the worst (it lets Piper off the hook and gives him a “better chance”), but of course the big thing is the nWo blowing off EVERYONE, writing off everyone’s chances, then oddly no-selling the injury of Wallstreet (it’s like he died on the way back to his home planet and they don’t care) and the announcement that one of the most famous dudes in America was nWo 4-life! Except Rodman wasn’t actually there and it was just a filmed thing BUT HE’S nWo! Which is tits, apparently.

So since WCW Uncensored isn’t on YouTube I’ll be missing that, but here’s how it played out:
Dean Malenko D. Eddie Guerrero to win the US Titlie (19:14).
Ultimate Dragon d. Psychosis (13:17) (obviously a cold match outta nowhere)
Glacer d. Mortis (9:04) (they haven’t been on Nitro in weeks)
Buff Bagwell d. Scotty Riggs in a Strap Match (12:27).
Harlem Heat d. Public Enemy in a Texas Tornado match (13:17) (they had no issue on TV for weeks either)
Prince Iaukea d. Rey Mysterio Jr. (15:00)
The New World Order (Hogan/Savage/Hall/Nash) d. Team Piper (Piper/Benoit/Mongo/Jarrett) & Team WCW (Luger/Giant/Steiners) in (19:21).

So yes, after ALL THAT, Team nWo was still victorious- Savage ran in with a spray can and saved Hogan, clocking Luger and knocking him out. HOWEVER, things were still looking up “WCW”, as Sting rappelled down to the ring, then assaulted the nWo! Then he dared Hogan to get into the ring and attacked him as the show went off the air, proving Sting’s allegiance after all! That… ended up making the whole thing pointless. It was likely just a way to kill a month or so without having him interfere in their act, or a way to build the potential Hogan/Sting match by showing that Sting was considering his alliance after all. Of course it was still nine months until their eventual match. I’m more upset that Nakamaki beat Rey, who had turned into a real homegrown star, lol.

And it’s time for this week’s PWI #500!

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: BRIAN HARDY (aka Brian Thomas, Mike Venezia):
#500 appearance: 2012 (#500 in 2012)

-Brian Hardy is a totally generic Indie Nobody- a bone-thin guy with short hair and bright tights. The most harmless-looking guy ever. And then a handful of years later he looks like a porcine fatass. However, he is part of a legacy (sort of)- he’s the son of WWF jobber BARRY Hardy, and was trained by Hardy and Duane Gill! He was actually in a WWE squash in 2019 against the Viking Raiders, but spent most of his career in the Maryland indies. Like… the Maryland Wrestling Federation. Which was run by himself from 2011-13. And Adrenaline Championship Wrestling. Which is STILL AROUND and run by chinless weirdo & WWE jobber James Ellsworth! Hardy seems to have wrestled intermittently from 2009 to today, typically only a few things a year. I’ve also seen clips from 2023 where he’s now preposterously fat and covered with tattoos, still in ACW.

BRIAN HARDY (w/ Playboy Bob Starr) vs. GILLBERG:
(Adrenaline Championship Wrestling, Jan. 24th 2010)
* Hahaha I was looking for Hardy vs. someone I recognized and it’s GILLBERG! Duane Gill kept up the gimmick on the indies for a time, which to be fair had a lot more name value than “Duane Gill, aging WWF jobber from the early ’90s” did. And this is fitting and I’m glad I researched this before starting, but Brian was in fact Barry Hardy’s son and his trainers included Gill himself.

Brian mocks Gillberg’s mannerisms to start, faking a broken “old man” back and collapsing. Even by wrestling standards this has a LOT of schtick, as Hardy covers his ears due to fan chants, complains of the tights being pulled when he’s hiptossed, and more- there’s one move in like three minutes. Then it’s MORE stalling and more hiptosses, and Brian runs in and the REFEREE hiptosses him, then whips his shirt off and flexes. Okay that’s a new one. Brian finally gets some offense chasing Gillberg out to the floor and “attacking” from behind, the camera being WAY too close and catching him whiffing by a foot and Gillberg being flung into the ring with no contact. This leads to MORE stalling and then Brian hits an eyepoke as commentary openly jokes “this might actually be the start to the contest” six minutes after the bell rang. Some backrakes and choking leave Gillberg selling (“Do you think Barry Hardy helped his son- gave him a couple pointers?” “You know maybe he might have, but we haven’t seen any action yet, so we’re not gonna be able to tell”). Playboy chokes Gillberg while Brian distracts the ref, and Brian hits ass-slams to Gillberg’s back and works the arm for some reason. But then we get the old-school spot where Starr turns his back and trips his own man by accident, and Gillberg follows with his MDK, the SPEAR! A punch for Playboy! And Gillberg finishes with the Jackhammer at (7:46)!

Rating: DUD (Well the fans seemed to like it and cheer for Gillberg and boo the heels. Impressive since there was so little wrestling even commentary was sassing them for being lazy. Like 4 moves across 8 minutes, haha)

ATCW TITLE:
GRIZZLY O vs. BRIAN HARDY:
(ATCW, Aug. 19th 2023)
* Brian Hardy, now MASSIVELY fat and covered in tattoos, acts like a cocky heel and comes out to face “Grizzly O”, a generic-looking flabby guy in the ECW T-Shirt of Shame, for the “ATCW Title”. Grizzly’s got a Deadpool/Duck shirt (copywrite infringement!) and Brian’s wearing striped Brutus Beefcake tights.

Literally three minutes after the bell, Grizzly O gets a headlock takeover, Brian countering with the slowest headscissors counter I’ve ever seen. They do “Flair/Steamboat” counters to headlocks & FAT GUY NO-SOLD SHOULDERBLOCKS (alas, they’re more “at risk of diabetes” fat than “can realistically no-sell shoulderblocks” fat), then Grizzly goes for a test of strength and Hardy uses the referee as a stool to reach the taller guy’s hand. Grizzly has to fight through Hardy’s “power” with a Northern Lights suplex, taking a few tries to make sure both are ready for the bump. Hardy bails in shock and fear (from the ONLY MOVE DONE THUS FAR), bails again, then finally comes back in and picks the leg and they lie down for a leg-crank (oh good, I was worried they were gonna be lazy). “After all the shenanigans tonight, it’s nice to see a straightforward wrestling match, here”- remind me not to check out the rest of this card if THIS is the traditional one. A super slow-mo International has Grizzly catch Hardy’s obese body for the sack-of-shit slam for two. Grizzly puts on the camel clutch, grinding it out while Hardy looks more “sad” than “in pain” for much of it. Hardy calls spots as openly as you could imagine, then hangs on the ropes for a while until Grizzly’s finally up from this exhausting cardio-fest, but stumbles into… a light kick to Grizzly’s gut (why even use the ropes to rev yourself up for that?), runs into a “thrust kick”, holds the ropes to avoid a “superkick” then sunset flipz Grizzly, who sits down on him and holds his legs for three at (10:48).

One of the worst things I’ve ever seen, haha. This looked like you took two out of shape guys, didn’t train them, paid them 5 bucks apiece, then told them to wrestle for ten minutes. 8 minutes of stalling, the lightest “mat-wrestling” imaginable, feather-light strikes, and restholds. Obviously the budget here is near-zero but HOLY COW.

Rating: DUD (fun to see as an amusing example of “the worst indie wrestling has to offer”)