WCW Monday Nitro (March 3rd 1997)- All Dream Matches (and THAT Roddy Piper Segment!)

WCW MONDAY NITRO:
(Atlanta, Georgia, March 3th 1997)
* There’s a bunch of Nitros on the WCW YouTube page, and I was gonna grab another random one, but found this one and… oh no. Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

Oh yes, this is the time they did the infamous “Roddy Piper Recruits A Bunch of Scrappy Guys” angle. Also tonight is Dean Malenko vs. Mike Enos! A spectacular dream match of Michael Wallstreet vs. Scotty Riggs! Plus Jeff Jarrett & Steve McMichael vs. Hugh Morrus & Konnan, Juventud Guerrera vs. Ray Mendoza Jr. (an unmasked Villano IV), Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon, Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Mr. JL, and the Steiner Brothers vs. Lex Luger & The Giant! Plus interviews with Eric Bischoff and HIS boss, Madusa, and more!

Right at the beginning, we see the nWo arrive (then Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Macho Man, Michael Wallstreet, Vincent, Miss Elizabeth, Ted DiBiase, Syxx & Scott Norton). Then it’s Dr. Harvey Schiller, the President of Turner Sports (and thus a guy ahead of Bischoff in seniority)! Importantly, this is in Atlanta, GA, home base of WCW (and its parent corporation).

JEFF JARRETT & STEVE “MONGO” McMICHAEL (w/ Debra McMichael) vs. HUGH MORRUS & KONNAN (w/ Jimmy Hart):
* It’s the Four Horsemen still having an issue with the Dungeon of Doom, as we continue the boring “can JJ be accepted as a Horseman?” angle. Morrus got a squash win last week so is sorta getting more focus. Konnan’s still doing his rapper thing even though he’s in a Spooky Stable.

The Horsemen tee off on Morrus to start, then Jarrett bags himself on the middle rope despite Morrus being pulled away from that position LONG before he jumped. Morrus bowls over Jarrett a couple times and Konnan hits his rolling clothesline and provokes Mongo. They double-clothesline Jarrett but another double-team sees Jarrett bag Konnan and Morrus takes a blind leap off the top and crushes his own partner like a dumbass. Hot tag Mongo! The crowd is actually kinda noisy as he fires off clotheslines, slams and his Football Tackle To The Upper Thigh. But Public Enemy come out (but they BEAT the Horsemen last week!) and steal the Halliburton briefcase from Debra, but Jarrett runs in to pull it back and fucking SMOKES Mongo in a giant potato shot that sends him flat-backing into the ring and that HAD to hurt because Mongo can 100% not sell a KO as well as he did here and blood starts streaming down his forehead on impact. Oooooooof. That gets the pin for Konnan at (3:10). The Horsemen are quickly out to yell at Jarrett (“You’re not that clumsy!” cries Arn while Flair says “You’re making me look bad!”), who begs off and pleads that it’s an accident, as does Debra (who immediately gets the most heat of everybody).

Rating: * (not much to it, but what a finish!)

DDP isn’t actually talking at this point- this is the face he’s making when he’s ABOUT to say something. It’s really weird. DDP’s mannerisms have always been so off-putting to me.

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. RICK FULLER:
* DDP is back after suffering the nWo Beatdown last week, and he’s up against the Rick Fuller Division! Which today is actually Rick Fuller. So WCW’s cavernous roster included a huge bunch of these big guys who never won yet were REALLY big (Fuller is a shoot two inches taller than the 6’3″-ish DDP), so it looked extra cool when the babyfaces crushed them. Fuller’s in his ever-present black singlet with the three Monster Energy Drink scratches across it, DDP’s in leather pants.

Fuller pushes DDP around to start, but misses a charge and takes a backdrop suplex. A jawbreaker turns the tide and Fuller beats him down and gets a legdrop as the fans slowly get into DDP (who is getting a slow but sure rocket push and his finisher is OVER). DDP gets his boot caught but does his spinaround clothesline. Fuller catches him building his SmackDown! Meter but tries a powerslam and DDP floats behind and BANG! Diamond Cutter finishes him at (2:07). DDP was very, very good at these quick little squashes to get him and his “from anywhere” finisher over. This and the next promo are designed to get DDP back over after last week- DDP keeps it short, making some weird faces but saying “Savage snapped… but if you’re that much of a savage… snap in to THIS. Bang!” It’s funny cuz DDP is one of the guys whose charisma I never “got”- I always thought he was a cartoony looking idiot who made stupid faces and came off like a moron. But boy he was OVER, and I think his “diamond” hand signal is a huge part of it- that shit is infectious with large crowds of morons and it went a long way towards making him a star.

Rating: 1/2* (basic squash but Fuller did his job well)

JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. RAY MENDOZA, JR.:
* So Ray Mendoza is actually Villano IV, as you can see by the GIANT “IV” on his black singlet. He wrestled double-duty at the occasional show like this. Juventud has teal tights and his singlet top on this time, plus his white/red bisected mask.

Mendoza does a waistlock takedown, but next time Juvie backflips out and spinkicks him down to show his agility- he gets knocked down but headscissors Mendoza to the floor & hits a baseball slide to the face, but Mendoza yanks him off on the follow-up and he hits the apron. Juvie gets suplexed on the floor and overhead belly-to-bellied in the ring trying a comeback. But he counters a suplex to a neckbreaker and hits a springboard guillotine legdrop for two. He hits a chinlock for a sec and uses speed to charge around and hit a rana for two. He’s just unable to hold Mendoza down (called out by Larry), but puts him on the floor again and does a suicide dive PAST THE CORNER, going from one side to the other through both sets of ropes- I mean it didn’t hit well but it was impressive and Tony puts it over. A fight on the apron leads to Juvie springboarding and doing a rana back into the ring, hurting both as Larry critiques how high-risk this is (“and then they PANIC when they get hurt…”). They fight up top for so long the fans start to get impatient, Juvie dropping him crotch-first on the top rope and hitting a flying wheel kick to the head, then finishing with the 450 Splash, kneeing him in the upper thighs at (5:04).

This oddly felt quite long for what they might have been going for- turning Juventud into A Second Rey Mysterio by showcasing his death-defying moves. It’s a bit affected by him not quite having the selling or charisma to pull it off yet, and often writing checks his ass couldn’t cash- if you notice you see him do these WILD spots but most of them are a little uglier than they should be because he’s not QUITE as agile as Rey (just a bit too lanky, I think), so ranas only hook one leg, dives clip the ropes, he spends too much time setting up his shit, even his FINISHER isn’t hit flush, etc. So what should have probably been a Speedbump Match of him just kicking Mendoza’s ass felt clunkier when he was on offense, and from what I can see that was way more on Juventud than Mendoza.

Rating: ** (fine stuntshow match if a bit clunky and makes Juvie look not as good as Rey)

DEAN MALENKO vs. MIKE ENOS:
* WCW’s on a hot streak and they put Mr. Charisma up against Blake Beverly! Enos actually has his “Rough & Ready” gear and music (tights AND chaps) as he’s flashing his physique (of which he’s just “big without being pretty”). Malenko’s still furious over his thing with Eddie Guerrero and he’s hammered by Enos when he enters the ring.

Dean quickly takes Enos down and beats his ass, showing fury (through body language if not… facial expressions…), Enos doing a good job crying out in pain and throwing punches at ghosts & flopping back down. Dean snaps his leg on the ropes, then on the guardrail, Enos flailing around, working his ASS off. Dean gets too aggressive and charges into a knee & overhead belly-to-belly, just SAILING on the bump, but Enos can’t capitalize because of his knee. Dean works a heel hook and goes up (!), but Enos floats over (!) on his crossbody and nearly gets him. Enos does the rainbmaker, then his trademark “missed headbutt” transition as Dean takes back over, but Enos uses a distraction to yank him into the corner. But he goes for a slam and Dean small packages him from there at (4:25). Working the knee all match and finishing with a scientific transition is very on-brand. OH GOD ANOTHER DEAN PROMO- he growls about proving a point and threatening Eddie. Well at least he doesn’t stumble over his words. Not bad.

Rating: ** (actually a very solid little squash- Dean looking merciless and Enos working his hardest to keep his job, flailing around and selling his ass off)

Eric Bischoff promo with Mean Gene. He brays and brays about his virtues and those of the nWo wrestlers, but it has a point- he’s acting like an ass and then Dr. Schiller comes out and taps him on the shoulder. Eric’s like “yeah, yeah, whatever” and turns around and sells it PERFECTLY, like “GULP!” and taking a step back before turning on a happy fake smile like “Good to see you, sir!” and kissing ass, haha. Schiller says “we need to talk” and then Mean Gene slides RIGHT into point out “This is the president of Turner Sports- he’s YOUR BOSS”, giving the fans immediate exposition (“This does not bode well for you!”) and gets a pop. Gene even corrects him- “Mr. Schiller” “DOCTOR Schiller!” to rub it in, then “What ABOUT that?” when questioned over firing referees and stripping people of titles- haha what a pro. But the news breaks- Schiller SUSPENDS HIM and says “I don’t even wanna know if you’re in the MEN’s room of a WCW event!. What an asswipe Bischoff is. Of course I recall Bischoff being all over TV pretty quickly after this but whatevs.

Hour 2! With Tony joined by Bobby Heenan & Mike Tenay!

WCW UNITED STATES TITLE:
EDDIE GUERRERO vs. ULTIMATE DRAGON (w/ Sonny Onoo):
* A **** match if they were having this for The Workrate, but this is Nitro so probably not! Let’s see! Dragon’s in Mexican flag colors and Eddie’s in a black singlet.

Eddie’s so good that a minor drop-down sequence looks INCREDIBLE and tightly-executed, but WCW fans never did bite on the “Pause For Applause” stallouts I believe. Dragon wins an International with a slick rana and just stares with intensity in a cool character bit, in no rush, but Eddie wins the next exchange with a takeover rana. Onoo throws a kick and him and gets chased off, and the wrestlers sorta stall-out for a second before repositioning and letting Dragon take over with kicks. Dragon hits a cartwheel handspring cross-body, but Eddie floats over and pins him well into the ropes at (2:50). That was probably a botch but the ref looks away and it counts. Eddie cuts a pretty bad promo (“My apology… has NOT been accepted, and I am sick and tired of you not accepting it!”) and it’s Dean Promo #2 as he accuses Eddie of giving the fans a snowjob and they get into a screaming match. Ah for the days when Eddie WASN’T a great promo. Miracle of miracles, Dean’s is BETTER!

Rating: 3/4* (shockingly weak considering who it is, but it’s 3 minutes of kinda-botchy stuff and Dragon hitting some stuff and eating an unlucky pin)

I love how the nWo was this stable of all the “Cool Heels” trying to look badass and doing gang signs, and here’s one of the dorkiest, most boring wrestlers ever. He looked SO out of place in this group.

MICHAEL WALLSTREET vs. SCOTTY RIGGS:
* WHAT?!? THEY HAVE A MONDAY NIGHT WAR TO WIN!!!! IRS vs. RIGGS?!? I love this company, hahaha. Riggs has long tights and is in his “Buff dumped me” pre-Flock phase, while Wallstreet just looks like some middle-aged guy with no sleeves and black jeans on. He never, ever fit the nWo aesthetic. Like here’s this army of “Cool Heels” and THIS GUY comes out. Riggs comes down to “American Males” like a total loser.

Riggs dominates to start with Power Plant-Fu, snapping the arm and doing a flying axehandle. Wallstreet dumps him as Heenan accuses Riggs of riding Bagwell’s coattails in their tag team, then hits a running something (what was that? a double-hand to the throat?). Wallstreet keeps dominating with weak ’80s shit (legdrops & elbowdrops) and a chinlock as this is clearly our “talk about the angles of the day” match, as Riggs misses an elbow. Some plodding stuff sees Riggs fire back with more Dork Offense (a 2nd-rope dropkick! A flying sunset flip!) and does a weird Irish whip and comes off the other ropes with an elbow as Buff Bagwell runs in to save (4:27)- Disqualification Finish because god forbid MICHAEL WALLSTREET do a job. They beat Riggs down a bit, but he escapes, and while they’re doing nWo poses, he comes back in with a chair (a CHAIR chair! Unmoving legs, soft seat and everything!) and chases both of them off. Wow even Riggs is scoring points off the nWo tonight.

Piper does not look good for 43.

THAT ROWDY RODDY PIPER SEGMENT:
* So now we come to one of the most infamous segments in wrestling history. One so bad that the VERY NEXT WEEK WCW scrubbed it from history. And in my greatest shame as a wrestling fan… when I watched this on TV on a Wednesday replay… I LIKED IT! Read on!

So Piper comes down, and since WCW Uncensored is supposed to be the nWo vs. The Four Horsemen vs. Roddy Piper’s Team, Piper has to recruit some guys! Piper, considered impossibly aged for a main eventer (he’s one year younger than I am now), decides to do this as a twenty freaking minute segment, starting with a combination of great promo moments (“my other family is YOU PEOPLE right here!” to acknowledge the crowd) and bizarre “wtf is he going on about?” (saying something in a foreign language then translating it “We’re not home till the battle is over”). He mocks Hogan’s fading hairline (a big no-no in WWF), then announces he’s not going to “contrive a kin” and thus… he has SIX GUYS in the back and he plans on fighting each one of them one at a time, and will allow the FANS to decide which of them joins his new family by giving a thumbs up or thumbs down. “I must be an idiot, man”. YOU DON’T SAY. He makes weird mannerisms (rapidly darting his tongue out and making sucking motions- Doctor Google says this is a sign of using too many anti-psychotics… I think if Piper’s taking ANTI-psychotics he is owed a refund. ‘sprobably just coke).

So Piper headbutts the turnbuckles and shimmies off his I.C.O.N. (“I Cower Over No one”) shirt and out comes his first opponent… SOME BIG GUY IN JEANS.

This is already bizarre because like… where did Piper get these six guys? What are their names? None of them ANNOUNCE themselves, nor does he introduce them! And there’s no announcements or names- they just walk out to silence. This ponytail’d dude just comes out, gets in the ring, and the two square off. He shoots in, but Piper quickly mounts him and uses amateur-style techniques (well, SORT OF) to basically… hug him, slap his head around a bit, then keylock him while hooking a leg and the guy taps out (0:27). Piper gestures to the fans and it’s mostly thumbs down- he holds out his hand and the guy does a double thumbs-up and shakes his hand, then leaves and this is already INCREDIBLY awkward. And our next opponent…. is FUCKING HORSHU IN JEAN SHORTS!

Yes, this is the future Luther Reigns, then a Power Plant guy. A big, tall juice-jockey, he is inexplicably wearing jean shorts with a woman’s cut. And yes, his hair is in that stupid horseshoe shape (I will never understand what he was going for with that- was it supposed to be lucky?). With a very weird expression on his face, he slaps Piper and throws some knees to the gut (no bell this time) and throws punches, as this is clearly a trained worker doing wrestling-style stuff, but he goes for a bodyslam and Piper floats behind him and the Sleeperhold puts him out at (0:44). Piper puts his foot on the dude and doesn’t even offer a vote. Guy #3 comes out and it’s another muscular shirtless guy… but a doughy shorter guy with a beard and BOXIING GLOVES on comes out and knocks him out from behind! Guy #4 nearly trips over #3 and stumbles up the steps, already looking like a ridiculous doofus, leaps into the ring in his li’l red booty shorts and decides he and Piper are gonna have a BOXING MATCH!

Piper now faces the threat of a doughy short guy with boxing gloves!

“This is gonna be a Nitro that’s remembered for YEARS” says Tony- IF ONLY HE KNEW. The guy does a goofy boxing dance. WrestleCrap & IMDB indicate this is Craig Mally, a stuntman who appeared in many Piper straight-to-video films such as Immortal Combat & Junglebound, and later Shepherd. He whips some smaller gloves at Roddy and we’re off- he fires off a combo of soft body-shots and overhands to the back (ie. safe shots), Piper fires back with some flaily moves that the guy sells as a knockdown, but Mally bursts right back up and catches him in the chin to drop Piper. The guy’s wide stance gives him no extra balance as he starts flopping all over the place, looking incredibly awkward. The guys is WAY overselling “being rocked” by punches and is just flailing around and this goes on much too long, the guy being dropped by some wide punches and grabbing Piper’s ankle- this is supposed to show tenacity but it’s just looking uncoordinated and stupid- the combination of how silly this guy looks (a short hairy guy with a gut & wild hair and teeny shorts) and how over the top this boxing is makes the segment totally all apart as Mally is bopping him in the back while trying a mount. Piper punches the fight out of him and asks the fans… who are now much quieter and uniformly boo Mally. Piper seems to just shrug and go “okay let’s fight some more” TO TRY AND WIN THEM OVER OH GOD.

Both are now decidedly blown up and Mally throws overhands to knock Piper on his ass, throwing super-wimpy shots now, and finally Piper decks him with a left and calls for “time” (2:01). Time for Piper to SAVE THE SEGMENT by telling the booing fans “I think you’re being a little too harsh”. Complimenting Mally’s gonads and saying they’ll give it one more shot- they throw the gloves away for BAREKNUCKLE FISTICUFFS, sucking wind. This quickly goes to the ground again, but instead of wrestling the guy just keeps scooting around on his knees to show off how “fighty” he is until Piper calls for time again (0:33). So, objectively, this was a purely awful bit. I can see exactly what they were GOING FOR, but Mally was trying way too hard to play up being “scrappy” and “refusing to quit”, so he was acting like the little dog in a fight with the big dog, but it ended up just making him look clumsy, awkward and weird, as he’s getting knocked down and throwing flail-punches from his knees and hauling Piper down for weird overhands and stuff- it looks like a guy who doesn’t know how to fight pretending he does. Also because there are no “highspots” in this and it’s just two dudes rolling around, it kills the fans (who won’t pop for anything). Some fans at least give the guy a thumbs up with Piper’s begging, so they shake hands and out comes Guy #5!

It’s SOME RANDOM SCHLUBBY GUY! This is ALSO a stuntman Piper knows- Layton Morrison, a stunt coordinator (he’s done The Incredible Hulk & Suicide Squad, so has had a LONG career), here set up as a “kickboxer”. He’s barefoot, taller than Piper, super-squat and has a titty tattoo. Pretty big guy, but hideous and with a bad mullet- he doesn’t look particularly tough- like he’s a “henchman” but not even a “Biker henchman”. He throws some high kicks, at least showing flexibility. Piper, sweaty and blown up, eats a kick to the gut but takes him down and they try double-hand choking each other as the choreography is now “1960s Star Trek” in quality. The front row fans who started out into this have now gotten decidedly bored and are just finished.

haha the fans are just unmistakably BORED and “when is this over?” with this now.

Morrison easily throws shots at a helpless, scrunched-up Piper and even puts him up on the top rope for more boots, but Piper comes back with some wrestling-style kicks to the gut that are ignored. Piper eyepokes him and they slug it out, Piper clearly EXHAUSTED and Morrison at least showing stuntman skills by pulling punches pretty well, throwing two SNUG shots to the side of the face, then more wimpy-looking round kicks until Piper just punches him in the balls. Morrison hauls Piper up by his tights in a weird spot, seemingly not knowing what to do as the fans rapidly lose patience and a light “boring!” chant is heard, then just sorta… puts him down as Piper says it’s over (2:30) and only a handful of fans have the energy left to boo and give him a thumbs-down. But Piper declares him a teammate. And now it’s Guy #6…

Tenta is only about 34 years old here and looks terrible & washed up, with tummy sweat and long tights for some reason.

John Tenta! Yes, an actual recognized pro wrestler. And the fans actually cheer because they recognize him! He even knows to gesture to the fans and gets a rection. So Piper pokes him in the eyes and throws punches, but Tenta hammers him with knees and overhead clubbing blows and Mally and Morrison jump in the ring to attack him while he’s hoisting Piper WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Mally punches Morrison down and Tenta busts Mally one and the nobodies scrap with Tenta to Piper’s amusement, then calls it off (0:46). Piper has his family! Some fans cheer a bit as he says “the rain in Spain has fallen” (yup- definitely not anti-psychotics). The fans at least aren’t bored anymore and are cheering a bit (not MUCH but it’s there). All in all, that was an 18-minute segment of TV time that had almost zero reaction at all- the fans weren’t quiiiiiiiiiiiite as hostile as retrospect might tell you, but the individual nobodies definitely got booed. Really the segment just clearly died live, as fans weren’t sure what they were seeing and had nothing to react to.

Bischoff on his podcast, regarding the segment:
“This was Roddy’s idea and in the meeting with Roddy and in the discussion with Roddy it sounded pretty good; on paper it looked pretty good. In execution, I couldn’t wait to leave the arena, it was baaaaad. Here’s a guy, Roddy Piper, the promo was marginal at best, especially by Roddy Piper’s standards but it was a marginal at best promo. I wouldn’t even say marginal, it was a really poor promo. The concept, although it was interesting and looked good on paper, was really really bad. But it didn’t define Roddy Piper. Roddy Piper’s character was bigger than a mistake like this. It didn’t even nick Roddy in terms of his value to the company or what he was about to do.

It was unfortunate, it wasn’t the best television I ever produced. […] Nevertheless it was what it was and we still love Piper more today than we did yesterday, so no big deal. […] Everybody pretty much knew it sucked. You couldn’t even go ‘hey, nice match’. Sometimes you can look at a match that’s not really that great of a match, and you know the guys have put forth the effort, at least they tried and you could muster up a ‘hey, good match man’. And you could say it in a way that the person you’re saying it to knows that you know that it wasn’t their best work and hey live to fight another day, but sometimes they stink so bad that you have to leave the room. You don’t want to have to fake it because you can’t. This was one of those.”

So the hilarious thing is, watching this at home, I was INTO IT! I was like “WHAT A GREAT IDEA!”. See, I knew exactly what Piper was going for here! It was The Bad News Bears. ‘Twas The Mighty Ducks! Or Rocky! The story of a hardscrabble, scrappy underdog team of nobodies and regular joes being brought up by a coach and set against the big stars in a dramatic final showdown! I mean, Piper’s a HOLLYWOOD ACTOR! He knows the game! This was perfect for it! I obviously didn’t notice how long the segment seemed to be coming off, nor how dead the crowd was. Obviously it was a total disaster, as the fans lost patience very quickly in the bizarre Mally segment and were sitting there disgusted, annoyed and bored for a while. Thank goodness Piper was fairly over because the fans never quite got as hostile as you might imagine they would given how legendary a failure this was. I mean this segment was so bad they had to demolish Piper’s Family THE NEXT WEEK, which you’d think would result only if the fans completely shit all over it, but instead they were mostly annoyed with one guy and then noticeably bored.

And of course… this would never work. That kind of story works in kids’ movies with children as players, or in a movie where you get to see the hero slowly use the power of montages and epiphanies to train himself into challenging the World Champion. In wrestling you can’t really DO all of that, especially with only a month’s build, as we have no reason to know or care about these dinks. Like WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? A washed-up former Shark and some nobodies? All three of them were flabby, hairy guys and only Tenta was very big, but he’d been made to look like an idiot on TV not that long before. Also, an additional problem- only Tenta knew how to wrestle, while the other two were stuntmen, which means little chance Mally & Morrison would be of any use in a PPV, much less a main event. In particular Mally looked TERRIBLE, flailing around to show “scrappiness” but just looking clumsy and stupid. The biggest problem, of course, was that this was on LIVE TV in a single gigantic segment! Which allows the crowd to get bored, get frustrated, start shitting on the segment and making it look WORSE, etc. Nobody gets announced, Piper never asks them their names, etc., so to the fans, it’s just six nameless dudes coming out to an increasingly eerie silence… for nearly eighteen minutes of quiet, weird TV. Ideally, if you’re gonna do this (and you shouldn’t), you air them in segments where Piper goes to various towns to fight “the toughest guys” and you should record you want and hire extras to react and pretend it’s good. Don’t let live fans shit all over dudes or let the segments go too long. I mean obviously this was never gonna work in the first place but they did EVERYTHING wrong here.

The legend goes (and I don’t know who said this so take it with a grain of salt) that the WCW execs were in town for this, plus Turner Sports guys, and when THIS segment came on live it was clear halfway through it was a complete disaster. And so the shocked WCW heads freaked out and were attempting to run damage control WHILE IT WAS STILL GOING ON, which might not be true but is hilarious so I declare it to be so. Hence next week, when the Horsemen tell Roddy to let his boys off the hook and we never see them again.

REY MYSTERIO, JR. vs. MR. JL:
* BACK TO MATCHES! Mr. JL is of course Jerry Lynn, who didn’t have an idea better than his initials for his purple Power Ranger get-up. He just looks like a taller Rey here. Rey’s in an unusual green & red version of his gear.

They do mutual dropkicks after a slow lucha-esque sequence, then Rey appears to fail an attempt at a Manami Roll so just hits a springboard cannonball attack. Rey does the Eddie Bump as Tony brings up JL defeating Dean Malenko in the Cruiserweight Title tournament. JL looks like he’s having issues doing lucha because it’s a bit jerky and hesitant, like Mysterio might not trust his judgment or positioning. JL gets La Majistral & a lariat reversal, but misses a flying headbutt. Rey’s comeback is short as JL hits a baseball slide & cannonball off the apron, but he goes up and Rey hits a Super Frankensteiner for two. JL hits an inverted atomic drop, but Rey flips over the ropes to the apron and stuns him long enough to hit the Springboard Rana at (4:05). Kind of a werird, awkward match, as both seemed hesitant and Rey looked sorta stunned and out on his feet if not for all the agile flips he was doing. It was a pretty basic “Randy Savage Template” of eating an ass-kicking and doing a counter to win.

Rating: *1/2 (half-decent filler just to give Rey a win- just JL doing some random stuff until eating one move for the finish)

Madusa interview with Mean Gene, who calls out that she hasn’t been seen in a while. “I trashed a world-class title in the can to come to WCW and open up women’s wrestling, and what do I get? I sit DORMANT- you know why? Cuz Eric Bischoff, you’re more interested in yourself—“. She says she’ll beat champ Akira Hokuto (NOPE) and calls out Luna Vachon in the back, and immediately gets attacked from behind. I do NOT remember Luna in WCW much. Well that was quick.

nWo interview time! With the whole team (though actually I think Wallstreet is gone for some reason)- Eric Bischoff is back with them despite what we JUST SAW earlier today, and to pay off last week with Sting walking to the nWo side, he comes down with them! Still not speaking, this sows dissention and suggests he’s allied with them, presumably building anticipation and killing a month or so till the PPV. Bischoff immediately calls out Schiller and says “We’re friends with Ted Turner”, which like… upends what just happened in the same show. Hogan calls out Piper “Suckin’ wind… fightin’ a bunch of WRESTLING FANS!” totally burying the prior segment. They yak on and on, circle-jerking as fans pelt the ring with garbage.

LEX LUGER & THE GIANT vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS (Rick & Scott Steiner):
* Our main event! With 7 minutes left! Rick’s in a striped singlet and Scott’s in that pure white one he had for a long time in this era. Luger & Giant are said to be Tag Champs by the chyron, but were forced to return them last week.

Rick starts with Lex, who gets a boot up on a corner charge and flips him over with a clothesline and flexes, but Rick ducks another and slams him in mid-air. Scott adds a belly-to-belly suplex and the double-underhook bomb, but Luger slams him (supposed to be a powerslam, but he let go early so it looked bad). The Giant adds a big boot (whiffed- Steiner went down too early) and big elbowdrop for two, but Rick gets a blind tag and nails him, allowing a double suplex to get two- Luger breaks it up, provoking a big stand-off in the ring. But the nWo heads through the stands, once again with Sting, and they surround the ring, but IN COMICS THE PIPER FAMILY!! Piper, Tenta and two sweaty nobodies will really turn the tide! And it ends up being a giant brawl as we’re out at about (5:00), the match obviously being thrown out.

Rating: * (well they just sorta did some stuff for a couple minutes, got hot about it, then it was the nWo Fuck Finish)

And that was another show! Unlike last week’s, this one was a MESS, though they still kept it pretty snappy. Most interview segments were short, and we hit some obvious points tonight: The Four Horsemen issue, reheating DDP, building Juventud with a win, furthering the Dean/Eddie & Buff/Riggs feuds and showcasing Rey for his TV Title match, then furthering the nWo thing and suggesting Sting is with them…. but MAN, blowing 18 minutes on that Piper disaster and killing the crowd with it. That was BAD. Doing another nWo circlejerk was standard operating procedure at this point, as much as it had little point (what’s worse- Bischoff coming out contradicted the point made EARLIER IN THE SHOW. As if they changed their minds at the halfway point and decided Bischoff MUST be on TV), and finally the big donnybrook ending.

Oh yeah! And more PWI #500 dudes! Two matches featuring the same guy, cuz I found a “better” showcase for him after writing about the 3-way.

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: BARRY WOLF:
#500 appearance: 2010

-Barry Wolf is a 20+ year veteran, mostly having wrestled for his native Mississippi’s Southern Wrestling Alliance. He looks decently tall and sorta doughy but not actually out of shape.

AIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
JUSTIN OVERSTREET vs. BARRY WOLF:
(Allied Independent Wrestling Federation, Wassau Possum Palace, Aug. 2nd 2014)
* WASSAU POSSUM PALACE! I just had to! Wolf’s in black trunks, Overstreett in a black singlet with “Spinebuster” on the back. I swear to god, if he doesn’t do a spinebuster in this 24 minute video… also lol at “AIWF World Title” in a building with 20 fans in it, named the WASSAU POSSUM PALACE.

Things start off very WRESTLING SCHOOL with armbars (with theatrical screaming!) and Internationals, then Wolf bailing to kill a few minutes before coming back with a “sneak attack” (to the FRONT but the ref was in the way)- back body drop puts Wolf too close to the ropes and he won’t get pulled away, so Overstreet slaps on the time-wasting pithold. Overstreet slaps him in the tummy to counter a front facelock, but Wolf does a slow ponderous beatdown, sometimes yelling at the ref for counting slow. Wolf ends up in Andre Position so Overstreet can pepper him with Rock-style “slap punches”. Funny bit as their do-si-do goes through even though their hands slipped and they miscommunicate. Wolf scores a clothesline out of that and neckbreakers Overstreet after another facelock, but Overstreet superplexes him for a double-down. Overstreet hits a clothesline & kneelift to his sweaty opponent and FINALLY A BOTCH- he tries That Fucking Indie Spinning Uranage and sorta drops/sideplants him, haha. Overstreet “fires up” and a slow exchange leads to a belly-to-belly for two, and he PULLS DOWN THE STRAPS and calls for the Spinebuster! But he telegraphs the SHIT out of it (he’s lucky Monsoon’s not commentating this!) and gets kicked, so Wolf hits a knee while he’s seated for two. Then Overstreet does that AGAIN and gets DDT’d, then tries a spear and nails the ref! Wolf nails him with the AIWF “World” (hee) belt and goes for a pin, but it’s only 2.5 and they all stand around FOREVER (their cardio is DONEZO) and it’s not until the ref is carted away that Wolf aims for a Superkick, misses, and walks right into the Spinebuster at (17:26)- Overstreet retains! Another guy comes out to shake hands and raise the belt… but turns on him! But Overstreet also Spinebusters HIM and we’re out. Well at least his shirt wasn’t a lie.

This felt like “Every Barebones Indie Match” between guys who are technically trained but not WELL and aren’t goin’ anywhere, so they just do do-si-dos and front facelocks and general time-filler in front of 20 people. They don’t really mess much up but it’s sooooooooo uninteresting. And it’d be a perfectly cromulent indie match at 5-10 minutes but NO- it’s a “World” Title Match so you gotta give the fans a 20-minute bout when you only got enough shit for 7. Never mind that ends up with both guys looking bagged, so they’re sweating like crazy, doing the “walk and stomp” and wandering around to conserve energy when they’re supposed to be doing comebacks, and then openly cooperating cuz they’re blown up. So stuff like the DDT reversal and the Spinebuster look like they’re dancing and helping each other along instead of having much snap to it. Wolf does proper heel stuff like whining about counts and cheating but this is just “fast forward plz” slogging, haha.

Rating: DUD (reduce this to 10 minutes and I swear it’d be perfectly acceptable *1/2 indie fare)

WAR TITLE (Vacant):
“BAD ATTITUDE” TONY DABBS (w/ Bald Manager Guy) vs. WIL SHARP vs. BARRY WOLF:
* So I found a match with three pasty-looking jobber dudes in a Three Way match- I couldn’t resist, haha. Dabbs is some flabby maybe-biracial guy in a white singlet (y’know… I’m nostalgic for “singlet” wrestlers). Sharp is a very skinny white dude in black tights hopping around while spitting water- not like HHH, but just taking swigs and spewing it while bouncing. Wolf is a pasty white dude in white & blue shorts. This looks like it’s in a tiny hall, with the FILTHY ring (covered in duct tape) pressed up against a wall covered in tarp. I love this stuff, haha. Wolf is the guy I wanted to look into- looks like he’s a Mississippi-only wrestler for the most part. This is clearly in the South, judging by all the accents and the “JESUS SAVES” “EPHESIANS 6:12” surrounding the entranceway.

They do I swear to God FIVE MINUTES of nothing before the match, Dabbs repeatedly bailing to whine about cheating (no cheating has been done). Sharp does a big oversell of a snapmare like he just got trained. Sharp & Dabbs expose the business about twenty times setting up a sunset flip for two, then Wolf beats up Sharp with a lethal clothesline to the stomach. Sharp is unrealistically beaten down after eating like 2-3 moves across six minutes, haha. Wolf snaps the leg a couple times until Dabbs rushes in with a punch to take the lead. Sharp way oversells EVERYTHING and Dabbs gets a floatover suplex for two. Wolf punches away and the manager punches Sharp a couple times, Wolf gets a suplex and a dropkick, then slams Sharp- Dabbs “kicks” him to break it up and Sharp springs to life by beating on him, then hits a running splash (the guy on the starvation diet hits the splash, lol) for two. A weird lifting cutter from Dabbs & Wolf breaks it up. Sharp picks Wolf up in a fireman’s carry and spins him into dropping him on his knee in the softest-looking move ever. Dabbs breaks it up and a “triple down” sees Wolf superkick him. Wolf charges and “flies” over the top when Dabbs pulls down the ropes, openly just tossing himself, then Sharp clotheslines Dabbs for another triple-down. Wolf recovers but spends all his time scaring hte manager, so Sharp can dodges a charge and schoolboys Dabbs for the win and the WAR belt at (12:49). Sharp looks more confused than happy as he gets his hand raised.

Rating: DUD (hahahah AWFUL- like if three dudes had to make a 13-minute match after three days of training. All “first day” offense mixed with theatrical screaming by Sharp, mistimed moves- mostly by Sharp- and very soft “don’t wanna get hurt” offense. Dabbs looked somewhat trained, the other two did not)