Dream Matches — page 3

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have an AUTHENTIC Dream Match for you, as NWA Champion Ric Flair travels to the AWA in 1986 to take on legend Nick Bockwinkel in an NWA-style match for the belt! A fifteen-year age difference between the two champions! After that, I check out a bizarre 2001 WWF house show, where Dennis Knight attempts to repackage himself as a Dusty Rhodes rip-off “The American Dream” Tex Slazenger (his WCW name) against The Big Boss Man!

Next up, it’s a request, as I do the first two of a three-part series of 2001 matches between Low-Ki and “The American Dragon”, Bryan Danielson! Then I randomly found something from “Lucha Libre USA” as Lizmark Jr., the heel champion, takes on Shane Helms of all people! Come see Serious Indie Wrestler Helms go up against the former WCW jobber and now top bad guy!

NWA WORLD TITLE:
RIC FLAIR vs. NICK BOCKWINKEL:
(AWA, Jan. 16th 1986)
* Wait… an UNIRONIC Dream Match in this column as a headliner? Do I dare? Well howdy! This is an AWA match from Winnipeg, Manitoba, featuring Ric Flair vs. NICK BOCKWINKEL, the “Ric Flair” of the AWA for years. Tragically, this is Nick as a babyface, so we don’t get to hear his elitist piffle about how Flair doesn’t carry himself like a champion in his opinion or whatever, all drinking and carousing instead of reading like Nick would probably say he does- because he instead COMPLIMENTS Ric Flair, calling him “one of the most ARTICULATE wrestling machines the world has ever seen”. Okay even as a babyface he somehow comes of snobby, haha. Nick says he won’t give 110%, but 200%, but an educated man such as himself should be aware this is mathematically impossible. Ric Flair puts over the promoter Wally Karbo (GUESS HE KNOWS WHO’S SIGNING HIS CHECK TONIGHT), and even he talks about how great Bockwinkel is. It’s almost a shame- imagine these two raging dickheads unleashing their elitist heel personas against each other instead of this respectful garbage? Flair adds “We are not 300 lb. wrestlers. We are not 6’5″. We are professional wrestling at it’s BEST. We are wrestling technicians” SHOTS FIRED, VINCE.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a monster for you, as I have been wanting to check out those controversial NXT Main Events for a while- I remember one half of the BOD completely enamored with all the flashy moves and endless kickouts, and the other half pooh-poohing them and dismissing them as mindless “MOVEZ!” and doing kickouts as fake drama. Now to test my wrestling snobbery as I brave Adam Cole vs. Johnny Gargano for the vacant NXT Title in NXT New York… in a Two out of Three Falls Match!

Then it’s over to All Japan for a pair of ROAD WARRIORS matches! In both, they face the team of main eventer Riki Choshu and midcarder guy Yoshiaki Yatsu! The second time for the NWA International Titles! Come see just how wild the Roadies were in 1985-86. Then it’s “Ravishing” Rick Rude vs. Outback Jack in another of Jack’s matches as a jobber with theme music! And finally, it’s more World of Sport, as Rollerball Rocco takes on Marty Jones in a predecessor to the match I reviewed last time!

NXT TITLE (VACANT)
TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS:
JOHNNY GARGANO vs. ADAM COLE:
(NXT TakeOver New York, 04/05/2019)
* OH YEAH I REVIEW SOME NXT!! This was… highly divisive on the BOD. With Scott and others going *****, a lot of people dismissing it because of the MOVEZ nature of it, and even Meltzer going **** despite his adoration of those same MOVEZ. So I always wanted to check out some of this stuff, and see if I could be a wrestling snob about it assess it in a scholarly manner. This is from when NXT was like “WWE’s Indie”, with indie darlings doing indie-style matches packed with stuff (which some insisted were practiced ages beforehand, explaining why they were better than “Main Roster” stuff… of course now we know that referees dictate the entire match in the ring TO the wrestlers via road agents).

Gargano is a teeny-tiny bearded guy with a decent, if skinny build (those arm-veins show he’s on the gear), and an Iron Man vest (he’s billed at 5’11”, but unless the average height of the front front is 6’1″ that ain’t happening- the in-ring reveals he’s even shorter than famously puny Cole). I’ve never seen him before, so I’ll look at a last of his moves so I can know what’s supposed to be important, haha. Speaking of shorties, here’s ADAM COLE, famously bird-boned AEW star (he was dumped from WWE during the “Late Vince Era” and popped up in AEW to sell nothing and try to get babyface pops as a heel, turned babyface, then intermixed it all with months-long injuries). He looks pretty much like he does in AEW- thin-armed and a frail-looking body, only sometimes showing a flexed muscle. What’s really “this guy is a WRESTLER?” about him is actually that giant head- it makes his small body look even more off-putting. Those Boris Zhukov proportions but on a thin man. Looks like Gargano is the heel and Cole (“BAY BAY!”) is the babyface according to fan reactions. Cole’s in slate-grey trunks, Gargano’s in red with Indie Kickpads. Said to be 16,000 fans here in NYC.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I have one of the most amazingly weird six-man lineups I’ve ever seen for you- I was so tickled when I was shown this. It’s HULK HOGAN, Mark “Rollerball” Rocco as Black Tiger, and friggin’ SAMU as “The Wild Samoan” against the top two New Japan guys (Antonio Inoki & Tatsumi Fujinami) and The Cobra! What a weird line-up!

Then it’s over to Mid-South in 1986 for Ted DiBiase & “Dr. Death” Steve Williams against the BLADE RUNNERS! Warrior (“Rock”) and Sting (“Sting”) back when they were nigh-immobile rookies and Death when he was barely capable, too! Then a 1999 Taka Michinoku appearance in ECW as he faces Super Crazy in a spotfest! Then one more Fit Finlay vs. Chris Adams match, in a totally different context, as 16 years after the last one I reviewed sees them wrestling on WCW Worldwide in 1998! Then finally, the last of my “looking at the terrible Quebec indie EWR” series, as the scrawny Hell Storm faces El Generico (the future Sami Zayn) in 2004!

HULK HOGAN, BLACK TIGER & SAMU THE WILD SAMOAN vs. ANTONIO INOKI, TATSUMI FUJINAMI & THE COBRA:
(New Japan, Fancam Footage, Jan. 7th 1985)
* omg omg omg YOU GUYS! You guys! Look at this! HULK HOGAN teaming with Rollerball Rocco! With Samu as a random extra foreigner! And it’s against the New Japan superteam (I like how you can tell two Japanese guys in black tights apart even in this horrible tape transfer because of Inoki’s damn chin, lol), plus Cobra! Hogan was a giant deal in Japan, and easily gets as big of a reaction as Inoki does. This match really lets you see what a goddamn monster Hogan really was, because next to Rocco he looks like a different species entirely. And Rocco is bigger than a normal-sized guy! Cobra is George Takano, a Stampede/Japan guy also in a mask, I think on Tiger’s tier in the pecking order. Samu, a nobody in Japan, seems like an obvious pin-eater.

WWF PRIME TIME WRESTLING:
(Feb. 18th 1991)
* Okay, so I have a full show of Prime Time here on YouTube- I’ve reviewed two of the matches already, but can add the other stuff to some other stuff I’ve found! Tonight: A Tag Team Battle Royal to determine the Tag Title contenders at WrestleMania VII! Earthquake vs. Tugboat! The Big Boss Man vs. The Barbarian! The debut of The Viking! Shawn Michaels vs. Crush! And squashes featuring Rick Martel & Texas Tornado! Also, I threw in more WORLD OF SPORT, as Mark “Rollerball” Rocco takes on Marty Jones in 1978 England!

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, with Lord Alfred Hayes announcing them in front of a crowd of fans, who boo Heenan on queue. This leads to lots of unfunny gags, probably with a lot of Vince’s “being a TV comedy show host is THE BEST” ideas behind it. HAW HAW Heenan’s fly was open! What a boob! Heenan cracks that “there’s about a hundred cats out back” and has to explain it’s because the Bushwhackers eat sardines. And a horrible skit where two people in “old lady” costumes act as Nancy Reagan and Barbara Bush on a tour of Washington. Mean Gene goes over all the scandals of the day (Iran/Contra, the “foot in your mouth” vice president) and the two “ladies” fight.

Different commentary for every match here.

TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL:
TITLE MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA VII:
DEMOLITION (Smash & Crush), THE BUSHWHACKERS (Luke & Butch), THE LEGION OF DOOM (Hawk & Animal), THE ROCKERS (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty), THE ORIENT EXPRESS (Tanaka & Kato), THE NASTY BOYS (Brian Knobs & Jerry Sags) & POWER AND GLORY (Paul Roma & Hercules):
* A look at how remarkably big the WWF’s tag team division used to be, this features every “name” team in the division but the champion Hart Foundation, and even a far diminished version of the roster has a lot of recognizable acts. If you’re tossed, your partner also has to leave, making it not quite a usual 14-man battle royal. One issue with this one is nearly everybody is wearing TONS of black- usually they were better about team colors.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I’ve found a bizarre bunch of outlier matches, including a sequel of sorts to last week’s stupid indie bumpfest featuring guys who can’t work… except it’s guys who CAN mixed in! So popular indie sensations AJ Styles and El Generico (Sami Zayn) actually go to EWR in Quebec to wrestle that indie dork Crazy Crusher, and my god it is FASCINATING to watch- two guys who can absolutely work having to work around a guy who can’t, putting him over and seeing what they can make out of it.

After that, a WWF Prime Time prelude to WrestleMania VII sees The British Bulldog and the Legion of Doom vs. The Warlord and Power & Glory! Some pharmacist be gettin’ RICH tonight! Then another PT match sees an extra-lazy Smash & Crush version of Demolition take on Tito Santana & Koko B. Ware, cuz they couldn’t find any babyface tag teams willing to job to Demolition before the PPV!  Then an AMAZING surprise, as I was looking up World of Sport stuff and found Baby Chris Adams vs. Baby Fit Finlay in 1981… and it RULES! Check out how nasty that little prick Finlay is and how defiant babyface Adams is against him! Then the last of “AAA in the WWF” as Hysteria, Maniaco & Abismo Negro take on Super Nova, Venum & Discovery on WWF RAW in a cold flippy match! And then it’s a WWF B-Show as Flash Funk takes on upcoming star Taka Michinoku during the Light Heavyweight Title tournament!

A.J. STYLES vs. EL GENERICO vs. CRAZY CRUSHER:
(Elite Wrestling Revolution, 09/04/2004)
* Oh yes- I have PROOF that Crazy Crusher, the indie idiot from last week’s ladder match, wrestled future superstars in the business. This is AJ Styles and Sami Zayn in their 2004, “Indie Skinny Guy” states. Both of course look 100 times as good as Crusher, who comes out in weird baggy “almost normal clothes but a close-up reveals a collar”, and holds up a sign that says “CRUSHER = RATINGS” (those “= Ratings” signs being a popular gag with ridiculous wrestlers, like WCW jobbers… and were intended to be ironic. and were a thing in 1997). El Generico is Zayn’s “Obvious Western guy pretending to be the Mexican Sensation luchadore). Born in Quebec, he can probably communicate with Crusher. Styles is then a TNA wrestler and in the X Division, so is a well-known-ish name and a good get for this podunk company, which is in the same tiny hall as the ladder match. Hilariously, the early lockup reveals that Crusher is so small that AJ STYLES of all people looks huge beside him.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I have a double-whammy of spectacular idiot indie wrestling, as both Maffew & Manjiimmortal gave me terrible indie spotfests to review! Both ladder matches! It’s Hell Storm vs. Crazy Crusher (a Quebecois indie guy with wins over AJ Styles & Kevin Owens) in a 26-minute Jackass-tier match, and Chri$ Ca$h vs. Joker in Combat Zone Wrestling’s Cage of Death V in 2003!

Then it’s a FAT MAN STAND-OFF, as the great Phil Hickerson is back at it, as he teams up with Giant Hillbilly (Plowboy Frazier/Uncle Elmer) against Fire & Flame… two obese Southern heels in garish red & yellow outfits! I love it! Also it’s the Smoking Gunns up against the Heavenly Bodies in 1994 WWF! And finally, more 1997 WWF lucha, as Super Nova & El Mosco are sent out there to fill time on WWF RAW! Maybe one of the most obscure RAW matches you’ll find!

AWA SOUTHERN TAG TEAM TITLES:
FIRE & FLAME vs. PHIL HICKERSON & GIANT HILLBILLY:
(Memphis, Aug. 23rd 1986)
* OH MY GOD not only do I get a Phil Hickerson appearance to review, it’s a FAT MAN STAND-OFF!!! Fire & Flame are the AWA Southern Champs and doing a thing where they have to wrestle a mystery team every week. This annoys both of them. Fire & Flame are wearing masks and grotesque 1980s WWF-style matching tag gear, with red bodysuits with fire on the thighs and YELLOW SINGLETS on top- it’s fucking beautiful. Speaking of, here comes fat-tittied Hickerson in blue tights, with Giant Hillbilly and OH HELL YES IT’S UNCLE ELMER!! Elmer can barely get on the ring apron.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have a smorgasbord of weirdness for you- more Ultimate Warrior & Sting in Memphis! Masato Tanaka vs. Hayabusa in FMW! And PHIL HICKERSON!

But yes, first I found a match Maffew recommended- it’s Masato Tanaka & Hayabusa in FMW having the matches Teen Jab always imagined in his head, piling on ALL THE MOVEZ as they get all the big, crunchy offense and brain each other for 23 minutes of 2.9 counts! Then it’s over to 1985 Memphis, as JIM HELLWIG & STEVE BORDEN debut for the promotion as humble juice-monkeys, admiring the local girls of the territory and taking on some jobbers who have absolutely NOTHING to work with against these two immobile green slugs. Then a look to months later as the now-heel Hellwig & Borden are the BLADE RUNNERS, Road Warrior knock-offs with black lipstick, working against the mighty Phil Hickerson and Billy Travis in a tragically-clipped match!

Next up, it’s part of the WWF’s foray into LUCHA LIBRE, as they hire some AAA scrubs to fill time- I wanna get to as much of this as I can, but most notable is this Shotgun Saturday Night match where the former Power Rangers-knockoff “Power Raiders” team take on their heelish counterparts in a ludicrous no-selling Flippy Match that has Jim Ross noticeably bitching on commentary! Finally, a bodyguard-less “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase takes on the mighty Tugboat in a 1991 Prime Time match!

MASATO TANAKA vs. HAYABUSA:
(Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling, 3/13/98)
* Maffew recommended this in his FMW reviews, so I figured I would take a look at it! In part because I’m actually curious about Hayabusa’s FMW stuff- while I’ve always liked what I saw, I only saw him in other promotions. I just rarely ever saw ANY stuff from FMW. These are two of FMW’s top guys, depending on whether or not Atsushi “Mr. Liar” Onita was retired that week or not. Hayabusa was left being the Ace in Onita’s absence, and was apparently pretty beaten up by the style. Meanwhile, here’s a guy who wrestles so rough I’m shocked his even alive today, Masato Tanaka! Even here he’s covered in battle wounds. Hayabusa’s in brown “Sabu pants” and fairly slender, while Tanaka is fireplug-ish in long black trunks.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have my favorite Phil Hickerson clip, as he tears into a young, cocky Jim Hellwig (pre-Ultimate Warrior) and his buddy Steve “Sting” Borden, dismissing both as know-nothing roid-monkeys who don’t know how to fight OR wrestle, and demonstrates it by kicking a young Jim’s ass! This is a great TV segment that shows the “reality”, a bit of shaming of big juice guys, and a good TV angle once things fall apart. Also Phil gets one of the all-time digs on muscle wrestlers that has to be heard to be appreciated.

Next up, it’s Brian Pillman as the masked “Yellow Dog” teaming up with Bobby Eaton vs. Ric Flair and The Diamond Studd on WCW Saturday Night, back when Scott Hall was still trying to make it work on a national stage! “Macho Man” Randy Savage, freshly babyface, disappointing Jesse Ventura on commentary as he takes on JTTS Tiger Chung Lee! A UPW match as 1-year veteran John “The Prototype” Cena on ALL THE STEROIDS takes on Crash Holly in what was probably a tryout! And finally, the most depressing match ever, as four floundering careers collide with a rookie’s as The Road Dogg & K-Kwik team up against Lo Down- D-Lo Brown & Chaz Warrington managed by Tiger Ali Singh and wearing NEON SULTAN GEAR right out of 1993 as their careers die before our very eyes!

JIM HELLWIG (w/ Steve Borden) vs. PHIL HICKERSON:
(Memphis, 1985-86)
* It’s THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR vs. PHIL HICKERSON!! Of all the things to find. Someone showed me this one when I was gushing about Hickerson’s fat slobbiness a couple weeks ago on the BOD, so I just had to cover this one. And here’s Hellwig on ALL THE STEROIDS, impossibly being even MORE juiced up than he was in his WWF run! I mean, he’s an absolute brick wall at this point, trading the ripped-ness for stacks of muscle. He and partner Steve Borden (Sting) stand there with Lance Russell, Jim doing all the talking as he brays with a great “smartass smirk” about how “when you take into account our physiques- the rock-hard muscle”, they should be higher on the card compared to “all the fat people. Like the KING of the Fat Dude Wrestlers, Jerry Lawler, or Phil Hickerson- you know neither of THEM have seen the inside of a gym!”, drawing out Hickerson himself with all the venom in the world.

Phil slowly works himself up, initially stuttering and pointing out that “You got no right” talking to him like that, and “I tried to help ‘yall”, but the reason they’re not getting title shots is because “you’re GREEN and you don’t know HOW to wrassle! The only thing that you know how to do, brother, is how to pull them britches down and put steroids in them BOOTY! That’s the only thing that you idiots know how to do!”. Hellwig laughs him off, claiming he’ll put Phil’s head inside his huge bicep and “squash it like a ripe tomato”, setting off Phil’s “You don’t scare me one damn bit, brother, because one thing about it- I can WRASSLE and I can FIGHT, and that’s something you can’t do! You can not do EITHER ONE, and that’s why you’ll be wrestling the first or second match the rest of your damn life!”.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! I found a ton of fun stuff this week, including more of the guys I’ve been checking out lately! But for starters, we have a WCW Lethal Lottery match with the mighty Road Warriors split up on different teams! It’s Road Warrior Hawk with Lex Luger against Road Warrior Animal and Booker T! Booker is a heel who hates the Warriors, and Luger is a twerpy tweener guy, so this has some real intrigue to it! Next up, it’s another Ricki Starr match, as the “sissy” ballet dancer babyface takes on hapless lug Hans Hermann, a burly Nazi who is OUTRAGED at Ricki’s schtick and takes no end of cartoonish pratfalls over it!

Then it’s a wild Japanese tag match, as All Japan’s Real World Tag League gives us Jumbo Tsuruta & Yoshiaki Yatsu… versus PHIL HICKERSON AND JERRY BLACKWELL! The massively fat American heel squad provide quite the contrast to the Ace duo, but they perfectly play off of Blackwell’s obesity and have a fun match! Then it’s an indie showcase, as Combat Zone Wrestling has a 4-way between Kevin Steen (the future Kevin Owens), Mike Quackenbush, B-Boy and Super Dragon! That’s right- I find more SUPER DRAGON stuff to watch, some dude I’ve never heard of, plus a pre-fat Kevin Owens and a comedy wrestler! And finally, I’m convinced to check out Kaiju Big Battel- a tokusatsu-themed comedy promotion from New York, as American Beetle takes on Call-Me-Kevin, as two dudes in suits fight over a box of “Rucky Charms”.

LETHAL LOTTERY:
LEX LUGER & ROAD WARRIOR HAWK vs. BOOKER T & ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL:
(WCW Slamboree, 1996)
* One of my favorite gimmick concepts ever is the Lethal Lottery- “random” tag teams thrown together in bizarre, one-time only contests. Like, a whole PPV of that concept is stupid and it’s why it never worked, BUT when else are you going to see Hawk vs. Animal alongside Luger & Booker T? It’s completely wild! This is ages before Booker’s big WCW solo push, so he’s effectively “the good worker in Harlem Heat”, with the Road Warriors’ legendary team split up and they’re made to fight each other. Plus Luger, who always had a big push going. Luger’s in black trunks, Booker’s in a slick blue outfit (only Harlem Heat ever wore outfits like this with the thin straps on top, tied at the center), and the Warriors are in black tights- I missed their “grey over red” spikes period- very “WWF Corporate Toy” design.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! First up, I have a very good TV match between World Champion Ric Flair and Beautiful Bobby Eaton in a rare singles match from 1990! Come see how they fill a 20-minute segment with a midcarder against the Champ! Then it’s a wonderful TV angle from 1984 Memphis, as the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express are up against the Southern Tag Team Champions, Phil Hickerson and the Spoiler, embarrassing them in non-tittle matches twice before the heels put the belts up.

Then I take a look at some amazing 1950s wrestling, as Ricki Starr, a prancing ballet dancer BABYFACE, embarrasses burly heel Frank Fozo in a 1950s comedy match that has the audience in wild hysterics! Finally, it’s more of indie “legend” Super Dragon, as he faces Christopher Daniels, who tries his level best to move his clunky-ass opponent around the ring!

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
RIC FLAIR vs. BEAUTIFUL BOBBY EATON (w/ Jim Cornette):
* It’s Eaton vs. Flair in a World Title match! I didn’t realize this had happened. Eaton was kind of idealized as a tag team wrestler- not a lot of promo ability and he looked like someone’s dad (albeit one with a great right hand), but he was a terrific worker. Flair is the babyface Champion, coming out in purple trunks- Eaton’s in white tights, with the world’s longest mullet.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a mostly WCW-leaning assortment, but also pulled out a Moxley/Danielson DGUSA match! First up, though is a FANTASTIC defining match for The Giant back when he was only in his first year and yet WCW World Heavyweight Champion! Here he takes on Scott Steiner, who does a great job putting over the newbie, making it look hopeless until it isn’t, then making him look like a million bucks on the way out! And Giant holds his own with the monster selling, too!

After that, it’s a WWE/WCW Vault upload as Mean Mark takes on Lex Luger shortly before Mark jumps ship and becomes the Undertaker- come see just HOW limited both guys were at this time! Then it’s 1999 WCW with a risk-taking Juventud Guerrera vs. Psychosis match, with some INSANE bumping and a hell of a finish! Then it’s Dragon Gate USA doing a small indie show with Bryan Danielson facing a goofy, wriggly heel Jon Moxley years before they’d form a stable together and then Moxley would try to single-handedly bury the entire company of AEW! Finally, it’s more of Outback Jack’s jobber years, as he takes on new dastardly heel “The Natural” Butch Reed!

WCW WORLD TITLE:
THE GIANT (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. SCOTT STEINER:
(WCW Nitro, June 17th 1996)
* Oh man! On paper this sounds remarkable- the nigh-unstoppable rookie Champion of WCW and he’s going up against one of the most credible tag team wrestlers in the world, and a guy even then fans were clamoring for more of- Scott Steiner! The Giant is of course a young, skinny Paul Wight in the most successful rookie year ever- green as grass but grim and a serious threat. I’m actually seen very, very little of him at this point, and Bobby Heenan puts over how successful he is so young. Scott is in a black & pink bisected singlet, and has his ribs taped due to an earlier attack. The Giant at this point doesn’t have much stage presence, but his size alone is impressive, and he’s clearly trying to under-act a bit, seeming unimpressed with everything. Probably better than overdoing it at this point.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, a search for Black Tiger stuff ended up finding the SECOND incarnation, Eddie Guerrero, fighting for the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship in Japan against Sabu! I didn’t even realize Sabu was the champion at one point! And finally, at last, I find out of my Dream Matches Holy Grails on YouTube, as the WCW Channel uploads JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. REESE from 1998’s Great American Bash! One of the great wild mismatches and styles clashes!

Next up, it’s another look at Outback Jack, as his jobber phase continues with a squash at the hands of Ted DiBiase! Following that, a true rarity sees SUPER CALO “jump” to ECW, where he’s immediately fed to their own established “Super C___”, Super Crazy! Then one of those bouts you see periodically in the WWF since they have some Michinoku Pro guys- Taka Michinoku against the Big Boss Man in a heel vs. heel Jakked match!

IWGP JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
SABU vs. BLACK TIGER:
(New Japan, June 12th 1995)
* !! I went looking for some Rollerball Rocco as Black Tiger stuff but the first thing that popped up was THIS- Eddie Guerrero’s run as the second incarnation of the “Evil Tiger Mask”, when he was IWGP Jr. Champion… and here he is against SABU! I mostly recall Sabu’s FMW and All Japan runs, so it’s weird seeing him turn up holding New Japan’s belt. I guess I don’t know that lineage at all cuz I was expecting Eddie to be Championl. Uhhhhh looks like he was in New Japan more than anywhere else in ’95, too! 64 matches! I’m told this is the cause of that time Paul Heyman came out and publicly shat on Sabu for bailing on an ECW Arena show to do a New Japan tour.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Our matches today include a legendary dream match between the Hart Brothers and the Steiner Brothers! This was a classic Tape Trader dream back in the day, as it made a New Generation-era tape during a down period as the two teams had very little crossover. But it’s a doozy- 25 minutes of tons of chain-wrestling and effort. Following that, it’s a terrifically weird WCW dark match, as 1998 sees Revolution Pro’s barely-trained marks out there on Thunder, with Blitzkrieg & Super Dragon taking on American Wild Child & Dragon Yakuza! Come see why one of them immediately got a job and the other three stayed in Indie Hell as part of the “lost generation” of Cruiserweights. lol they are simply AWFUL!

Then I decided to go out and find Outback Jack’s debut, as the clumsy Australian comes in to face a maximum-effort Steve Lombardi, who desperately tries to save the match with tons of bumping and selling! After that, it’s another Dark Match, as 2000 WWF sees Scott “Sick Boy” Vick vs. Bo Dupp in the most “first match in wrestling class” bout possible!

THE STEINER BROTHERS (Rick & Scott Steiner) vs. THE HART BROTHERS (Bret & Owen Hart):
(WWF Wrestling Challenge Taping, Jan. 11th 1994)
* One of the legendary Dream Matches, this ended up on a New Generation-era Coliseum Video tape and was mostly forgotten save for internet fans, who went nuts over this bout. This was when Bret was trying to make a team with Owen work, just before Owen kicked his leg out from his leg at the Royal Rumble because he was TOO DAMN SELFISH. Babyface vs. Babyface contests were extremely rare save for when Bret was involved, as he usually got the best matches out of everybody, and knew how to toe the line (aka be a total asshole) to still get fan reactions. With four respected workers in there, and a LONG match-time, this was probably expected to be the “workers paradise” draw. Given how neither team was a thing in the WWF immediately following it, one wonders about the backstage mechanics. Bret was a former World Champion but Owen was an undercard guy still. Bret’s in pink & black, Owen’s in black, Rick’s got a yellow & blue singlet with early ’90s-style print, and Scott’s in black & checkerboard tights. Gorilla Monsoon & Stan Lane are our commentators.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time it’s a WWE Vault spectacular, as those beautiful bastards upload more and more amazing “WTF?” matches for our viewing pleasure! Check out the main event- BULL NAKANO & HAKUSHI teaming up against Alundra Blayze and Bob “Spark Plug” Holly! Absolutely spectacular stuff, especially as Bull & Madusa work “Zenjo Style” and leave the boys in the absolute dust so they can work generic “WWF Lightweight Style” at 1/3 the pace.

Then it’s a request, as Bret Hart & The Bushwhackers team up against DA MOUNTIE & The Nasty Boys in MSG, with a 13-minute match ridiculously full of fuckery (aka time-killing house show spots)- ironically IMPROVING the match compared to if they’d just played it straight! You have GOT to see Jacques Rougeau’s cartoonish overselling here. Then it’s a CASKET MATCH from WWF In Your House 5, as The Undertaker (with Phantom of the Opera mask) takes on King Mabel to cap off their feud! Also one of the worst “on paper” matches I’ve ever seen, as the Big Boss Man faces MIDEON on Sunday Night Heat in 2000, where I review it for the lulz and accidentally find a truly historic moment! Finally, I threw in a WCW match as WCW Pro features La Parka & El Dandy vs. Super Calo & Ciclope!

BULL NAKANO & HAKUSHI (w/ Shinja) vs. BOB “SPARK PLUG” HOLLY & ALUNDRA BLAYZE:
(WWF Dark Match, March 13th 1995)
* WHAT A FUCKING CHANNEL! From the WWE Vault comes a bizarre mixed tag match- JTTS Bob Holly and the top WWF women’s wrestler, and they’re taking on the Japanese duo- Hakushi (who never really got out of the midcard despite his fascinating gimmick) and Bull Nakano, brought in as Blayze’s “opponent of the time” (there were usually only 2 women in the company at once).

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! With a logo made by BOD overlords! I might go back to the old one, but it apparently has a specific size requirement and I’m too tired to make one fit now! Oh yeah, and some matches!

It’s Toshiaki Kawada vs. Gary Albright in a great “Styles Make Fights” match in 1995 All Japan! Albright hails from UWF-I with tons of “fake shoot” credibility, huge size, and amateur credentials, leaving the smaller, less-submission-oriented Kawada in real trouble! Everyone knows Kawada is good, but come see HOW good, and why.

Then it’s some WCW Worldwide glory as Hacksaw Jim Duggan faces the Flock’s REESE! What sort of advanced tactics will Jim Duggan use to face a 7-foot giant, because surely he can’t just brawl with himhahahahaah just kidding. 1994 WWF sees The Portuguese Man O’War, Aldo Montoya, face a young jobber Chris Kanyon! Then it’s over to 1987 WWF for more Early Demolition, as Ax & Smash get a new manager in Mr. Fuji and take on jobbers Leaping Lanny Poffo and Billy Anderson! And finally, a weird style clash as Juventud Guerrera, fairly new to WCW, faces jobber Mark Starr on WCW Pro!

TOSHIAKI KAWADA vs. GARY ALBRIGHT:
(All Japan, Oct. 25th 1995)
* This one has been detailed by our own Alex P, who indicates it’s a big pseudo-interpromotional match. Albright was a big star in UWF-I (the fake-shoot company that hit huge and then fizzled out and split apart)- he was a Vader-like big meaty powerhouse guy, with some amateur credentials. His pro wrestling start was mostly in Stampede, though. Baba brought Albright in as a new foreign star for his natives to fight- the big red singlet reminds me of Steve Williams, who was doing the same sort of thing. Terry Gordy had overdosed and went into a coma, so was just unable to manage. Albright has a way different style than most of All Japan’s big dudes, but that kind of thing itself can make a match interesting. Kawada being the #2 native against the big new signee was a pretty large deal.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have another doozy for you- Mark “Rollerball” Rocco versus a young, super-roided JUSHIN LIGER, as “Fuji Yamada” is the Heavy Middleweight Champion and takes on Rocco in another “World of Sport” rounds-based match. And this one is great! Speaking of great, how about some TOM MAGEE? Come see his last televised match, as “Mega Man McGee” takes on jobber Tim Horner in the WWF’s New England Sports Network show in 1989!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a mixed assortment of insanity! We start off with me finally remembering to check out more of Mark “Rollerball” Rocco, as he faces the DYNAMITE KID in the World of Sport UK style in 1982! Come see how slick and snug they kept their mat wrestling with two of the all-time greats of that style, before Dynamite was famous!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a main event in any arena in the country for the featured match- OUTBACK JACK vs. FRENCHY MARTIN! Yes, the lowest heel on the WWF totem pole and the guy who was so bad they turned him into a jobber immediately after his debut, despite spending weeks building him up in vignettes to capitalize on Crocodile Dundee!

Next up, a very “2002 Era Hires” match sees Ohio Valley Wrestling showcase the new Disciples of Synn, Kevin “Seven” Thorn and Tyson “Travis Bane” Tomko, against “7 foot” Matt Morgan from Tough Enough, and Mark Henry when he was being punished for being fat! Another 1987 WWF match sees The Islanders & Sivi Afi against Slick’s wrestlers: The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff & Butch Reed in a rare six-man on WWF television! Then it’s a dark match featuring YOKOZUNA just before he got that gimmick, as he wrestles his last match as “Kokina”, doing a Samoan Savage gimmick shortly before being repackaged. Then it’s 1999 WWF as Tiger Ali Singh works against Steve Blackman on Shotgun Saturday Night! Finally, WCW Saturday Night sees High Voltage return to Dream Matches, as they face “Hardwork” Bobby Walker and “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton, poor Bobby just slumming it as his career winds down.

OUTBACK JACK vs. FRENCHY MARTIN:
(WWF TV, March 14, 1987 probably?)
* OH MY GOD YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! A match that couldn’t POSSIBLY be good! Infamous washout Outback Jack taking on “only good enough to be a manager” Frenchy Martin. Jack’s in light khakhis and boots, while Frenchy’s got a super-dated 1950s singlet on, with a physique that says “He mightg have been good 20 years ago”. You can tell commentary wasn’t told to put either guy over because Monsoon has no rebuttal for Heenan’s “well I call him Outhouse Jack” and suggests Outback’s haircut “is very economical- it probably didn’t cost him anything”.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I get to something that’s fascinated me for ages but I just never got around to- the great SmackDown! match between Kurt Angle and MART JANNETTY of all people in 2005! Watch as Jannetty proves he’s still got a lot left in the tank and puts on a phenomenal performance, immediately before proving he is still Marty Jannetty and ruining his career one more time!

Next up, it’s a rematch, as Demolition take on Paul Roma & Jim Powers in mid-1987! They’re not quite the “Young Stallions” yet, but the rookies are sorta being given a micro-push and even PROMO TIME! Then it’s all three matches the WWE Vault just uploaded of “Earthquake’s Dark Matches”!- come see him as John Tenta vs. Sam Houston in 1989, as flannel-wearing “Earthquake Evans” of the Yukon (with Slick as his manager) against Paul Roma later that same year, and as a much, much skinnier Earthquake in *2001* on a dark match before Sunday Night Heat! Then it’s Mortis vs. La Parka on WCW Pro in 1997!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Today I have a pair of brand-new additions from the WWE Vault on YouTube! First is a FAT MAN STAND-OFF as Earthquake returns to the WWF in 1994 to feud with Yokozuna, taking him on in a Sumo Match on WWF RAW! Come see the rules of sumo be used with a pro wrestling cadence! Next up is a dark match for SABU, as he enters 1993 WWF territory to take on Scott Taylor in front of a crowd that’s entirely unfamiliar with him!