Dream Matches — page 3

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I found an AMAZING match while digging for Avatar matches- it’s THE HEADHUNTERS vs. Aldo Montoya & Avatar on a WWF RAW dark match!! Two of the lamest acts in WWF history versus the guys who showed up at the 1996 Royal Rumble and disappeared forever! Avatar is of course Al Snow as a masked high-flier, while the Headhunters (as the “Squat Team”) showed up only for the Rumble and then did one extra dark match before being sent off to ECW & FMW. This is a fancam match as well, AND features a screw-up due to carelessness! Read on!

Next up, an equally strange find, as the Russians head to ALL JAPAN- it’s Nikita Koloff & Krusher Kruschev (Barry “Smash” Darsow as a Russian turncoat!) vs. legends Jumbo Tsuruta & Genichiro Tenryu! With what I imagine is some SASS from Giant Baba on commentary! Then my PWI #500 searches continue- the only Mike Paige match I could find as he wrestles Sean Cordova in an embarrassingly tiny building, and indie dweeb Chrisifix vs. Nick Fury in Asylum Pro Wrestling!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a great unique one inspired by the retirement of the Ace, Hiroshi Tanahashi! The legend has just given up his boots, but was once a young rookie, told by a foreigner “you are the future”. And we’re pretty sure that foreigner was Scott Hall, and so I have that very match where he faces the “Japanese Young Boy” and runs through all his offense in preparation for a World Title match against Keiji Mutoh! So come see Scott Hall vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi, back when he was a generic Young Lion!

Then it’s a timely match, as “Dancin” Stevie Richards makes his WCW debut against Lenny Lane on WCW Saturday Night in 1997! Stevie only lasted a few months in the company as they mostly redid their ECW feud with him & Raven, but as Lane has JUST appeared on Stevie’s YouTube show/podcast, it’s fitting to do it now! I found an AMAZING rarity with the Blackjacks doing an AWA run in 1984… against Nick Bockwinkel and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan! With BABYFACE Blackjack Mulligan & Lanza!

Then my PWI #500 continues… and coincides with the run of THE DICKS in 2005 WWF! These two goobers featured #500 in 2003, Billy Kryptonite as “Chad Dick” and Tank Tolland as “James Dick”, allowing the company to make dick jokes as they fought the shittiest incarnation of the Legion of Doom (Animal & HEIDENREICH)! So come see TWO matches, as the girthy, vascular Dicks take on first the Legion of Doom in their SmackDown! debut, and then face Scotty 2 Hotty and Funaki on Velocity! And finally, it’s Bob “Hardcore” Holly in his indie run in 2014, wrestling at 51 years old against the top star of Booker T’s promotion in Texas, The Mysterious Q! With STEVIE RAY as Hardcore’s manager!

SCOTT HALL vs. HIROSHI TANAHASHI:
(New Japan, Sept. 9th 2001)
* This is from a washed-up Scott Hall’s six-month run through New Japan (he was part of Chono’s Team2000 and culminated in a loss to Keiji Mutoh). The giant foreigner is set to take on one of the many faceless NJPW Young Lions- then a nobody Hiroshi Tanahashi. Already the kid has a GREAT look with a then-trendy haircut- not nearly as magnificent as his mane would later become, but not bad. The bookers had to be salivating over his prospects like “please be good please be good please don’t wash out”. Tana has claimed that a foreign wrestler had told him “You are the future”. “I had just debuted. Yet he already saw me as the future. You have no idea how much those words have motivated me. I want him to see that I’ve become somebody.” People just assume this was Hall but cuold have theoretically been another, haha. Hall looks absolutely shitfaced, with a never-changing “gotta hold it together don’t barf” expression as he kinda jerkily walks to the ring and does the Temu version of all his taunts.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a spectacular example of the pre-Pillars All Japan style, as Jumbo Tsuruta, potential GOAT and the top star in the promotion, takes on cocky young upstart Toshiaki Kawada! Can the biggest provocateur in the company enrage Jumbo? Is that too big of a mistake? Can his speed and counters overcome Jumbo’s sheer size advantage! Come see, as they take each other on in the 1991 Champion Carnival! Then it’s a 1998 WCW match from Rick Martel’s fun short-lived run, as he challenges Booker T for the WCW TV Title at WCW Souled Out 1998!

Next up, I find a lucha trios match from the 2000s, as Cibernetico teams up with El Mesias and the second La Parka against Chessman, Dark Ozz & Parka Negra, a black-clad version of Parka! Then my look at the PWI #500s continues as Pro Wrestling NOAH enters a podunk indie! With “Dangerous” Derek McQuinn as our centerpiece, I find him teaming up with KENTA & Naomichi Marufuji as they face Takeshi Morishima, Dinty Moore & Brandy Tatum! And finally, I look up some goofy guy named Japanese Pool Boy, as poor Christopher Daniels has to go to ECWA and make it look like this untrained moron can actually wrestle!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I clear out another of those “Dusty Rhodes in Japan” matches, as he faces HULK HOGAN way back in 1980! Come see two of the legendary bleach-blond guys duke it out in a foreign country! Next up is Maffew-inspired, as I find an NWA Dallas match between Tony Norris (the future Ahmed Johnson) and Big John Hawk (the future Bradshaw)! A weapon in each corner and a swerve after the bell!

After a long time, I finally check another “Yokozuna in 1991 Mexico” match as Kokina teams up with Samoano I (Solafa Fatu) & El Canek against Mil Mascaras, Dos Caras & Villano III in a Trios Match! Then my look at PWI 500s past leads to 2001’s Pepper Parks… who turns out to be THE BLADE. So he actually made something of himself, and in 2001 HWA takes on WCW’s Jamie Knoble, still the Cruiserweight Champion. Then I pull two random names off the list of guys who interested me, as Wolfgang Danger takes on JR Kratos in a 2018 podunk indie!

DUSTY RHODES vs. HULK HOGAN:
(New Japan Pro Wrestling, Sept. 12th 1980)
* DUSTY vs. HOGAN!! Back when Dusty was in his prime and Hogan was rising up the ranks in various countries- his size, presence and charisma earning him a ton of money and putting dollar signs in the eyes of every promoter who saw him. Both are in black trunks, with Dusty only somewhat plump compared to his late ’80s self, with a much younger Hogan not having lost all the hair on the top of his head yet.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! I’m not sure how good a Christmas Eve column will do, BUT I have a great “lost match” featuring LOW-KI in a WWF tryout, as he gets squashed by RODNEY AND PETE GAS of all people! And best of all, it’s linked to my PWI 500 set, as his partner is #500 in 1999, Vincent Goodnight! Then Goodnight teamed up with JR Ryder for a WWF Metal match against the new team of T&A. Then I find ANOTHER silly name from the PWI 500s, as 1970s wrestler TAMBA THE FLYING ELEPHANT, a luchadore of significant gravity, teams up with Super Halcon against Dos Caras & Tieneblas!

And then I have a FULL SHOW of the Global Wrestling Federation, as I was briefly fascinated by the weird misfit crew of that Texas indie- a combination of future stars and “stars” (Ahmed Johnson & JBL/Bradshaw), never-was losers, and random short-lived rookies who never went anywhere. “Maniac” Mark Davis (a territory nobody doing a “crazy guy” gimmick) vs. Guido “Sweet Daddy” Falcone (a big Italian stereotype)! John Hawk (a baby Justin Bradshaw) vs. “The American Heartthrob” Chaz! “Dapper” Danny Davis vs. Action Jackson! And finally, the territory’s babyface hero “Courageous” Marc Valiant against the future Ahmed Johnson, Moadib the Nubian Terror!

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: VINCENT GOODNIGHT:
#500 appearance: 1999 (#500 in 1999, #368 in 2000, #376 in 2001)

-Vincent Goodnight is now known as “Vinny Lee Glamrock” and is a fairly tall indie kid with a weird face and long blond hair, at least sorta looking like the kind of rockstar he’s supposed to be. He’s like a Temu Edge. 6’3″ and reasonably close to that, and with leather pants and a reasonably good physique (though he has scrawny legs and no ass). He was in an absolutely TURRRRRRRRRRRIBLE match against Slayer in some indie show I was flipping through (Pagoda Pro Wreslting in Pennsylvania: https://youtu.be/CoyzOgJ4Zcc?si=YBF-deyHQPCimL9a&t=1706). This match is a legit DUD and mostly thanks to Slayer being terrible and botchy, but it’s the classic “unrecappable indie garbage” with like… lots of chinlocks, clumsy pin-reversals, fights to the floor, guys tangling up in the ropes, etc. Just too long and sloppy. He did a couple of WWF squashes in 2001, which is what I’m grabbing from. Goodnight largely disappears from CageMatch circa 2001, meaning he only wrestled for about four years before ending up a “just an occasional match” kind of guy (he has the occasional match even nowadays). Most of his stuff is from ECWA (circa Delaware).

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I was given an incredible video of DUSTY RHODES in Japan! zbinks shared this great set of matches, including bouts against Bob Backlund, Hulk Hogan and Antonio Inoki, but I wanted to lead with the ones I found most interesting- Dusty vs. Inoki! How does the big “relatable babyface” underdog work against the Ace of a company, when he can’t rely on the fans liking him? Come see! And five days later, there’s the truly wild mish-mash of Dusty Rhodes & BUDDY ROSE teaming up against Inoki and his #2 guy, Tatsumi Fujinami! And then more “white guys in Japan as the odd men out” as the New Blackjacks debut in All Japan… against babyface duo Kenta Kobashi and Johnny Ace!

My look at the PWI #500 guys continues, first with the late Chip Fairway (#500 in 1998) taking on Race Steele in a “wait, these guys are actually trained!” match at a Brian Pillman Memorial Show in 2000! Both are Les Thatcher guys and are actually capable, if not that good. And then it’s a true dumpster match, as the Voodoo Kin Mafia, Road Dogg & Billy Gunn themselves, bring their act on the road, slumming it in Maryland Championship Wrestling against the Ghetto Mafia! Can they build an entire match around being lazy and cutting promos (their only real skill)? Come see!

ANTONIO INOKI vs. DUSTY RHODES:
(New Japan Pro Wrestling, Jan. 1st 1984)
* Oh yes, zbinks shared a video of DUSTY RHODES IN JAPAN. Dusty actually did a few tours in New Japan from 1980-84, wrestling Bob Backlund, Hulk Hogan and others, but this is his only solo match against Antonio Inoki. This video has all sorts of unique matches on it because of that. Dusty at this point is merely kinda doughy but not porcine like he’d later become. Inoki is the Ace, and Bad News Allen (a legit judoka and Inoki enemy) is staring at the Ace on the floor. Gee I wonder how this is gonna end?

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have an IMPOSSIBLY bad match on paper for you, as the future Ahmed Johnson continues his run in Global (Texas) and faces the incredibly immobile roid-monster JEEP SWENSON! A guy so bloated that even Vince didn’t take him on- too big to even bump right or run the ropes properly! And Ahmed is called “Moadib the Nubian Terror” and doing an Evil Foreigner gimmick with Arabian pants! You gotta see this!

Speaking of abysmal matches “on paper”, there’s also a 2000 WCW match between Vampiro and the KISS Demon from PPV, as they have a Graveyard Match in near total darkness, featuring “drowning in the river” spots, Charles Robinson’s flashlight being the only source of lighting, a Chyna rip-off taking TWO off-camera beatings, and hilariously bad weapon shots! Then it’s a request, as AJ Styles wrestles Matt Sydal in 2006 Ring of Honor, in a match someone said was Sydal’s breakout performance! Then my look at the PWI 500s past continues, as I find 2009’s Shockwave the Robot, a comedy gimmick tiny guy in a robot suit do a LONG comedy match against Colt Cabana in DREAMWAVE Wrestling. Also, I found more of Jammer & Slammer, as the former takes on a baby rookie Cowboy James Storm in a high school gym!

MOADIB THE NUBIAN TERROR (w/ Gen. Skandar Akbar) vs. JEEP “THE MERCENARY” SWENSON:
(Global Wrestling FEderation, April 17th 1994)
* WHAT SORT OF LOVING GOD WOULD ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!?! Ahmed Johnson, pushed in Global as a foreign menace character from “North-Eastern Africa” (which is actually pretty much where historical Nubia was, to be fair), with the evil Arab Skandar Akbar as his manager. Love those fluffy green Arabian pants- Vince McMahon would never allow thighs so meaty to go covered. Jeep is of course Bane from “Batman & Robin”, and doesn’t have too much of a wrestling career. He is MASSIVELY roided. And I mean so much his heart basically exploded while BILL KAZMAIER AND TED ARCIDI made it to senior citizenhood (Kaz is 71 now!!). Like, the immobile kind of roided where your arms are stuck at a 45-degree angle to your body no matter what.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And I found a SPECTACULAR example of the wondrous weirdness of pro wrestling right out of the gate, with a classic All Japan Mish-Mash match featuring the future Taiyo Kea teaming up with THE NEW BLACKJACKS of all teams against Stan Hansen, Bobby Duncum, Jr., and The Giant Kimala! This is fascinating for several reasons- it has Stan Hansen against the who jacked his entire act in Justin Bradshaw, but it’s Bradshaw in his dreadful “New Blackjacks” phase, as indeed the WWF sent him & Barry Windham to AJPW for a tour! And Stan’s partners are Bobby Duncum, Jr., soon to be in WCW (making this a WCW/WWF dream match), and their partner is the second, shittier Kamala!

After that, I wanted to check out the original Blackjacks, so I find their WWWF Tag Title match against Dominic DeNucci & Irish Pat Barrett from 1975! A 3-fall hurricane of heel bumps and babyfaces swallowing them up! Then it’s over to World Class for a 1985 Dog Collar Match between “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan and “Mad Dog” Buzz Sawyer! Come see manly men SLAPPING MEAT as they beat the shit out of each other with a chain! Then I find more terrible indie garbage as my look through old PWI 500s continues- come watch scrawny facepainted losers Slammer & Jammer take on “can kinda work” Danny Shannon & Steve Morton! Oh my god you know it’s bad when I email Maffew over it IMMEDIATELY. Speaking of, it’s 1997’s #500, Joey Rules, a fat-faced chubster doing a “Whiny Heel” schtick while being utterly unable to work, taking on Dr. Hurtz and teaming with Geoffrey Bravo to face Special Forces in some Unified Wrestling Coalition matches in New Jersey!

MAUNAKEA MOSSMAN & THE NEW BLACKJACKS (Barry Windham & Justin Bradshaw) vs. STAN HANSEN, GIANT KIMALA & BOBBY DUNCUM JR.:
(All Japan Pro Wrestling, Nov. 28th 1997)
* WHAT A FUCKING MATCH! The future Taiyo Kea, then a Junior-level Hawaiian wrestler in All Japan’s midcard teaming up with the NEW BLACKJACKS during their AJPW tour, and their opponents are the guy Bradshaw ripped his entire persona from, the second Kamala (a shorter, rounder guy) and BOBBY FUCKING DUNCUM? Like this is so incredibly bizarre, and exactly why I fashioned this column in the first place. The New Blackjacks were a sucky failure (as the company wanted to keep Bradshaw around and renewed a forgotten 1970s tag team with a washed-up Barry Windham), but they did indeed go on a tour in Japan- I have a comp tape of Real World Tag League matches from this time and they show the final 30 seconds of most of them, and I saw them there. The other team is just goofy- Stan Hansen was sorta fading from the top of the card, and here he is with 1980s legend Kamala, plus Duncum Jr., who was just about headed to WCW for a failed run as a generic tall Southern brawler (he’s one of the West Texas Rednecks people forget about). Duncum & Hansen were actually a team at this point, doing the RWTL together and beating the New Blackjacks. I wonder if Bradshaw had to alter his Stan-isms a bit considering he was in the company where Stan was god? This is, on paper, TOTAL ASS, as nearly everyone here is either past their prime or always sucked.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have TWO subsequent Bill Goldberg vs. Giant matches for the WCW World Title to pay off last week’s fuck finish match, plus more of my look through the PWI 500!

Interestingly, though, I found one of those oddball Nitro matches that WCW was amazing at- Masahiro Chono vs. Dave Taylor! Chono was one of the biggest names in New Japan, so him coming in to take on a JTTS with the UK style is hilarious to me. Also it’s a request, as Los Villanos take on ridiculous jobbers The Southern Posse on WCW Pro in 1997!

And then we go through the PWI 500, as Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, now a confirmed deviant, is next on the list and proves he’s a complete waste in the business as he does some lazy, unmemorable jobs to Mankind and TL Hopper in 1996! And then I find a roided-up indie guy named “Bodyguard For Hire”, active in the New York scene… and he takes on TYPHOON of all people in a bloody New York Street Fight in a puny hall! Tables, blood and really shitty worked punches galore!  I love wrestling!

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
NO DISQUALIFICATION:
BILL GOLDBERG bs. THE GIANT:
(WCW Monday Nitro, Oct. 12th 1998)
* Goldberg gets a chance for revenge against The Giant (who got DQ’d via nWo interference two months prior) via this No DQ match on Nitro! He’s also at 149-0, making this a big hallmark for him, too.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a REAL dream match for you! …. on paper! See, it’s BRET HART and HULK FREAKING HOGAN against THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR and STING, which is like the all-time Dream Match… if it’s 1992 and none of them suck yet! Four huge main eventers in the business! Except 2 are totally washed-up, 2 have no heart left in them, and it’s a WCW Nitro main event from 1997-99 so you KNOW what’s going to happen. All to build for a PPV and mess with Vince’s RAW opposition! Then another Nitro main event from 1998, as the Giant faces WCW Champion Bill Goldberg!

Next up, it’s a new project I wanted to try… finding the PWI 500s full list (thank you, Kat Borne! I didn’t realize they were on Cagematch!) and doing matches featuring the guys in the #500 spot for each year! You can find some REAL drek in the last 20-25 numbers of these things, let me tell you! But also some future greats! On that note, come watch MORGUS THE MANIAC, #500 from 1992, take on Cactus Jack himself in 1991 WWA at Camden Community College! Both guys who “total psychotic nutjob” gimmicks, Morgus like an actual psychiatric patient, as Cactus prepares to head to WCW! Next up it’s #500 from 1993, Don E. Allen, notable ECW shinky-dink jobber! Here, he takes on 1980s WWF jobber Sal Bellomo in a squash, then teams with DUANE GILL of all people to job to The Public Enemy!

WARRIOR & STING vs. HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN & BRET “HITMAN” HART:
(WCW Nitro, Oct. 12th 1998)
* The most WCW thing imaginable- on paper one of the biggest Dream Matches of all time with four huge stars in it… but it’s WCW in late 1998 on a Nitro main event so it’s guaranteed to be crap with a fuck finish and nobody would ever remember it. Bret is his usual douchey heel persona where he always looks amused with himself, already having been turned heel less than a year into his WCW career when he was the most talked about person in the business the previous fall. Hogan is washed, as is Warrior. And Sting is himself such a mess behind the scenes they turned him into a lobster version of his Crow self and dumped him into the nWo Wolfpac as a non-speaking guy. Michael Buffer says “Together for the first time in professional wrestling history” about the babyfaces, thus proving that his announcing is built on a HILL OF LIES. This is of course the reunion of the BLADE RUNNERS, as Sting & Warrior had come up together as rookie roid-monkeys Flash & Blast, then Rock & Sting. Importantly, this is an impromptu main event- Nitro was famous for announcing these day-of, as was WWF RAW, as the two relentlessly counter-programmed each other. Naturally, RAW tonight featured ANOTHER Superteam battle- Austin & The Rock faced Undertaker & Kane (which also, naturally, went to DQ, lol).

Mike Tenay of course immediately brings up Sting & Warrior’s history (though has the date wrong on when they stopped- they were teaming in 1986 still). Sting is in his black & red bodysuit with the lobster-red Crow facepaint & long hair, while Warrior has on jeans and boots with fringe, plus one of those badass graffiti longcoats he was wearing at the time. I mean, *I* thought they were cool back then. Hogan’s in black & Bret’s in the usual, never having updated his look for the new company.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have more of “whatever shit online I could find”, as poster GARTH has offered me the most dreaded combination possible- DINO BRAVO as his bloated 1991 self against one of the worst big men ever, Giant Warrior, in Puerto Rico! Watch and be AMAZED at how much lazybones stalling and restholdery can be put into one match that people presumably paid MONEY to see!

Next up, get WHIPLASH from the difference in workrate as Rey Mysterio Jr. & Juventud Guerrera team up on 1997 Nitro to take on Psychosis & La Parka, and unload an entire Fire Pro Moveset on each other in six minutes! Then watch the Smoking Gunns fill a lazy TV match with the legendary WELL DUNN in 1993! And then it’s a FANTASTIC dream match if you know your Junior stuff, as New Japan’s Jushin Liger comes to All Japan to face legendary 1980s dickhead Masanobu Fuchi in 2001! And finally, a request, as I look into 2025’s PWI 500 #500 himself, CEREAL MAN, as he takes on Ricky Tenacious in an American Indie Sleaze comedy match, with a lethal box of TOASTED OATS as a weapon!

DINO BRAVO (w/ Masked Heel Manager) vs. GIANT WARRIOR:
(Puerto Rico, 1991)
* HELL YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I found the most glorious of all Dream Matches! Our poster GARTH has discovered this and inflicted upon you all! Giant Warrior, if you remember, is one of the “Land of Giants”- a pair of stringbean seven-footers who were so shitty even Vince McMahon & Eric Bischoff never hired them, and he did some stuff in Puerto Rico under this name. And of course he’s wrestling one of the infamously dirt-awful guys ever, DINO BRAVO! How bad is Giant Warrior? This match is relying on Dino Fucking Bravo to raise it above DUD. And judging by this being 1991 and his roid bloat being absolutely out of control, I’d say it doesn’t look good! He’s got black hair and red trunks on, making this my first “Dino with his natural hair color” match. Giant Warrior’s tall, skinny and in red tights, and is a babyface. This is one of those “ring in the middle of a baseball field” matches.

WCW THUNDER:
(March 8th, 2000)
* Welcome back to more Dream Matches! As I decided to go through some of the random-ass uploads the WCW Vault has been putting up… with WCW THUNDER! This eventually became kinda the bastard child of WCW programming, as important stuff happened on Nitro and the jobber squashes happened on Saturday Night, so they had random “quasi-filler” on Thunder, which gave us “Russo when he wasn’t trying”. This is actually BETWEEN Russo eras, I believe, as a consortium of bookers took over and had to make do with the wreck the company had been left in. WCW by this point was largely made up of Guys Vince Didn’t Want, Disgruntled Ex-WWFers, and Guys With Good Contracts, as any wrestler concerned with their career’s future would have otherwise jumped by now. This one features Jeff Jarrett defending the US Title against Vampiro, shortly before the Uncensored PPV! And OH MY GOD- The Mamalukes vs. Booker T/Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat (Stevie Ray/AHMED JOHNSON version) vs. The Harris Twins? I am in HEAVEN!

Plus we get the KISS Demon vs. Idol (Lodi), The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea defending the Cruiserweight Title against Psychosis, The Maestro vs. The Cat, and Dustin Rhodes vs. Lash Leroux! Oh, and since it’s just some random Thunder, I also grabbed a sequel to last week’s column, with the Road Warriors defending the NWA International Tag Team Titles in Japan against All Japan’s top team Jumbo Tsuruta & Yoshiaki Yatsu!

Our hosts are Mike Tenay & Bobby Heenan, now WELL into the “getting sauced weekly because he’s miserable” era.

WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE:
THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE IAUKEA (w/ Paisley) vs. PSYCHOSIS (w/ Juventud Guerrera):
* Oh my god YESSSSSSSSSSS this is the good shit already! So Prince Nakamaki was the worst wrestler in WCW (a combination of bad look, no charisma AND a poor worker who couldn’t “work” the fans, meaning he was 0/10), and because his name had “Prince” in it, Russo of course gave him the timely gimmick of “making fun of Prince for that time his name was a symbol” (this was for about 7 years, due to a record company dispute). Paisley is an ex-Nitro Girl and future Mrs. Booker T, Sharmell. Oh and also Juvie is calling himself “The Juice” and ripping off Rock’s catchphrases while stumbling over his words… then says “La Vida Loca” to date this further. Psychosis is maskless, making him look like some generic guy in black gear with weird colors. Oh, but Juvi attempts to do commentary, but has a temper tantrum because hip-hop maskless Rey Mysterio Jr. is here to do the same, preventing Juvi from talking.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! The WCW Vault channel has uploaded all kinds of insane stuff I really wanna check out (full Thunders and Nitros!), but there’s just so many weirdo tag matches I wanted to check out first! Starting off with more of my look into the late Mo, as Men on a Mission face the Smoking Gunns TWICE in 1995! First off in March as they wrestle for the WWF Tag Titles, and then during the Summer! Then I find the WCW Vault carrying the Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero US Title Match from 1996 Hog Wild!

Then it’s a WWF Pay Per View putting on an *NWA* Tag Title match, with the horrible New Midnight Express (Bombastic Bob & Bodacious Bart) taking on the ancient, withered, unover Rock ‘n’ Roll Express! And they absolutely fuckin’ DIE out there in front of a North Carolina crowd! Next up, the biggest “Road Warriors in Japan” match yet, as Hawk & Animal take on Jumbo Tsuruta & Genichiro Tenryu, the top two stars in All Japan Pro Wrestling, for their NWA International Tag Team Titles!

WWF TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE SMOKING GUNNS (Billy & Bart Gunn) vs. MEN ON A MISSION (Mabel & Mo, w/ Oscar):
(WWF Action Zone, March 12th 1995)
* It’s Men on a Mission getting another Tag Title shot! Oddly, a babyface vs. babyface match, Men on a Mission taking on the Gunns, who were turned into the new top babyface team after the Steiner Brothers left & Headshrinkers were dissolved. I THINK this match is the impetus for their heel turn, if I remember right. Their mohawks already being black suggests that. Seeing Billy Gunn with a slim face and no roid-bloat is weird. Both guys shake hands with Mo before we start, as the 6’4″ and 6’5″ Gunns are spoken of as needing to use their speed & agility against the larger team- 1995 WWF, folks!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I pay tribute to the deceased Robert Horne, aka “Mo” of Men on a Mission, with a pair of matches. First, a RAW prelude to SummerSlam as King Mabel & Mo face Diesel and the British Bulldog! Finding that short, I also looked up one of their first televised matches, as the Harlem Knights, then a pair of unnamed beasts, team up with the Memphis territory’s heel Brian Christopher as they face a three-man squad of jobbers in an extended squash until JEFF JARRETT comes out and decides it’s a Handicap match!

Next up it’s some promos featuring Memphis local the Dream Machine, as he both chokes a giant chicken and throttles LANCE RUSSELL in some great “unhinged heel” territory TV. Then I go to Japan to find Stan Hansen & Bruiser Brody in 1982 AJPW as they face Harley Race and Dirty Dick Slater! Afterwards, it’s 1988 All Japan as rookie John Tenta teams up with Yoshiaki Yatsu against Abdullah the Butcher and jobber Greg Brown! And finally, some sass from Tony Khan, as he uploaded Tyler Black (Seth Rollins) vs. El Generico (Sami Zayn) from 2008 Ring of Honor to the ROH YouTube channel a month ago!

DIESEL & “THE BRITISH BULLDOG” DAVEY BOY SMITH vs. MEN ON A MISSION (King Mabel & Sir Mo):
(WWF RAW, Aug. 21st 1995)
* In honor of the late Mo, it’s one of his highest profile matches- a WWF RAW match against Diesel and still babyface Davey Boy. This was an impromptu match to build anticipation to SummerSlam, with Diesel/Mabel as co-headliners. The heel MOM are in purple, black & gold gear. Mabel talks tough but makes sure he’s not in there against Diesel to start.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I found all sorts of bizarre stuff, including some requests! First off, a wild All Japan tag match between AWA Champ Nick Bockwinkel and NWA legend Harley Race up against Stan Hansen and Bruiser Brody in 1984! Two of the biggest stars of the 1970s vs. two of the biggest from the 1980s! Next up, a match that I’ve read was part of the origin story of Ring of Honor- “The American Dragon” Bryan Danielson vs. Low-Ki in All Pro Wrestling’s “King of Pro Wrestling” tournament in 2001! Come see them wrestle for thirty minutes!

Next up, the TV debut of Kurt Angle in some podunk Memphis indie as he takes on “Yellowjacket” Kevin Lawler in 1999! And finally, a wild 1997 Halifax indie match between the future Edge & Christian, Sexton Hardcastle & Christian Cage, vs. Rick “The Model” Martel & Don Casablanca, aka Don Callis when he had hair and could wrestle!

NICK BOCKWINKEL & HARLEY RACE vs. STAN HANSEN & BRUISER BRODY:
(All Japan, 1984)
* AWWWWWWWWWWWW yeah, DNice turned me on to this one- a match of superstars! An 11-minute video with the biggest stars of 3-4 different promotions in 1984 All Japan? Sounds like a recipe for a good, clean finish! The crowd is chanting along to Brody’s “Huss!” like crazy. It’s still messing with me to see a relatively skinnier Hansen in those days. At least Race still has the pot belly and perm (the man is so badass he looks dangerous even with a perm!). Bockwinkel is like 50 here. He’s in white trunks, Harley’s in red, and Stan & Brody are in black.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have an AUTHENTIC Dream Match for you, as NWA Champion Ric Flair travels to the AWA in 1986 to take on legend Nick Bockwinkel in an NWA-style match for the belt! A fifteen-year age difference between the two champions! After that, I check out a bizarre 2001 WWF house show, where Dennis Knight attempts to repackage himself as a Dusty Rhodes rip-off “The American Dream” Tex Slazenger (his WCW name) against The Big Boss Man!

Next up, it’s a request, as I do the first two of a three-part series of 2001 matches between Low-Ki and “The American Dragon”, Bryan Danielson! Then I randomly found something from “Lucha Libre USA” as Lizmark Jr., the heel champion, takes on Shane Helms of all people! Come see Serious Indie Wrestler Helms go up against the former WCW jobber and now top bad guy!

NWA WORLD TITLE:
RIC FLAIR vs. NICK BOCKWINKEL:
(AWA, Jan. 16th 1986)
* Wait… an UNIRONIC Dream Match in this column as a headliner? Do I dare? Well howdy! This is an AWA match from Winnipeg, Manitoba, featuring Ric Flair vs. NICK BOCKWINKEL, the “Ric Flair” of the AWA for years. Tragically, this is Nick as a babyface, so we don’t get to hear his elitist piffle about how Flair doesn’t carry himself like a champion in his opinion or whatever, all drinking and carousing instead of reading like Nick would probably say he does- because he instead COMPLIMENTS Ric Flair, calling him “one of the most ARTICULATE wrestling machines the world has ever seen”. Okay even as a babyface he somehow comes of snobby, haha. Nick says he won’t give 110%, but 200%, but an educated man such as himself should be aware this is mathematically impossible. Ric Flair puts over the promoter Wally Karbo (GUESS HE KNOWS WHO’S SIGNING HIS CHECK TONIGHT), and even he talks about how great Bockwinkel is. It’s almost a shame- imagine these two raging dickheads unleashing their elitist heel personas against each other instead of this respectful garbage? Flair adds “We are not 300 lb. wrestlers. We are not 6’5″. We are professional wrestling at it’s BEST. We are wrestling technicians” SHOTS FIRED, VINCE.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a monster for you, as I have been wanting to check out those controversial NXT Main Events for a while- I remember one half of the BOD completely enamored with all the flashy moves and endless kickouts, and the other half pooh-poohing them and dismissing them as mindless “MOVEZ!” and doing kickouts as fake drama. Now to test my wrestling snobbery as I brave Adam Cole vs. Johnny Gargano for the vacant NXT Title in NXT New York… in a Two out of Three Falls Match!

Then it’s over to All Japan for a pair of ROAD WARRIORS matches! In both, they face the team of main eventer Riki Choshu and midcarder guy Yoshiaki Yatsu! The second time for the NWA International Titles! Come see just how wild the Roadies were in 1985-86. Then it’s “Ravishing” Rick Rude vs. Outback Jack in another of Jack’s matches as a jobber with theme music! And finally, it’s more World of Sport, as Rollerball Rocco takes on Marty Jones in a predecessor to the match I reviewed last time!

NXT TITLE (VACANT)
TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS:
JOHNNY GARGANO vs. ADAM COLE:
(NXT TakeOver New York, 04/05/2019)
* OH YEAH I REVIEW SOME NXT!! This was… highly divisive on the BOD. With Scott and others going *****, a lot of people dismissing it because of the MOVEZ nature of it, and even Meltzer going **** despite his adoration of those same MOVEZ. So I always wanted to check out some of this stuff, and see if I could be a wrestling snob about it assess it in a scholarly manner. This is from when NXT was like “WWE’s Indie”, with indie darlings doing indie-style matches packed with stuff (which some insisted were practiced ages beforehand, explaining why they were better than “Main Roster” stuff… of course now we know that referees dictate the entire match in the ring TO the wrestlers via road agents).

Gargano is a teeny-tiny bearded guy with a decent, if skinny build (those arm-veins show he’s on the gear), and an Iron Man vest (he’s billed at 5’11”, but unless the average height of the front front is 6’1″ that ain’t happening- the in-ring reveals he’s even shorter than famously puny Cole). I’ve never seen him before, so I’ll look at a last of his moves so I can know what’s supposed to be important, haha. Speaking of shorties, here’s ADAM COLE, famously bird-boned AEW star (he was dumped from WWE during the “Late Vince Era” and popped up in AEW to sell nothing and try to get babyface pops as a heel, turned babyface, then intermixed it all with months-long injuries). He looks pretty much like he does in AEW- thin-armed and a frail-looking body, only sometimes showing a flexed muscle. What’s really “this guy is a WRESTLER?” about him is actually that giant head- it makes his small body look even more off-putting. Those Boris Zhukov proportions but on a thin man. Looks like Gargano is the heel and Cole (“BAY BAY!”) is the babyface according to fan reactions. Cole’s in slate-grey trunks, Gargano’s in red with Indie Kickpads. Said to be 16,000 fans here in NYC.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I have one of the most amazingly weird six-man lineups I’ve ever seen for you- I was so tickled when I was shown this. It’s HULK HOGAN, Mark “Rollerball” Rocco as Black Tiger, and friggin’ SAMU as “The Wild Samoan” against the top two New Japan guys (Antonio Inoki & Tatsumi Fujinami) and The Cobra! What a weird line-up!

Then it’s over to Mid-South in 1986 for Ted DiBiase & “Dr. Death” Steve Williams against the BLADE RUNNERS! Warrior (“Rock”) and Sting (“Sting”) back when they were nigh-immobile rookies and Death when he was barely capable, too! Then a 1999 Taka Michinoku appearance in ECW as he faces Super Crazy in a spotfest! Then one more Fit Finlay vs. Chris Adams match, in a totally different context, as 16 years after the last one I reviewed sees them wrestling on WCW Worldwide in 1998! Then finally, the last of my “looking at the terrible Quebec indie EWR” series, as the scrawny Hell Storm faces El Generico (the future Sami Zayn) in 2004!

HULK HOGAN, BLACK TIGER & SAMU THE WILD SAMOAN vs. ANTONIO INOKI, TATSUMI FUJINAMI & THE COBRA:
(New Japan, Fancam Footage, Jan. 7th 1985)
* omg omg omg YOU GUYS! You guys! Look at this! HULK HOGAN teaming with Rollerball Rocco! With Samu as a random extra foreigner! And it’s against the New Japan superteam (I like how you can tell two Japanese guys in black tights apart even in this horrible tape transfer because of Inoki’s damn chin, lol), plus Cobra! Hogan was a giant deal in Japan, and easily gets as big of a reaction as Inoki does. This match really lets you see what a goddamn monster Hogan really was, because next to Rocco he looks like a different species entirely. And Rocco is bigger than a normal-sized guy! Cobra is George Takano, a Stampede/Japan guy also in a mask, I think on Tiger’s tier in the pecking order. Samu, a nobody in Japan, seems like an obvious pin-eater.

WWF PRIME TIME WRESTLING:
(Feb. 18th 1991)
* Okay, so I have a full show of Prime Time here on YouTube- I’ve reviewed two of the matches already, but can add the other stuff to some other stuff I’ve found! Tonight: A Tag Team Battle Royal to determine the Tag Title contenders at WrestleMania VII! Earthquake vs. Tugboat! The Big Boss Man vs. The Barbarian! The debut of The Viking! Shawn Michaels vs. Crush! And squashes featuring Rick Martel & Texas Tornado! Also, I threw in more WORLD OF SPORT, as Mark “Rollerball” Rocco takes on Marty Jones in 1978 England!

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, with Lord Alfred Hayes announcing them in front of a crowd of fans, who boo Heenan on queue. This leads to lots of unfunny gags, probably with a lot of Vince’s “being a TV comedy show host is THE BEST” ideas behind it. HAW HAW Heenan’s fly was open! What a boob! Heenan cracks that “there’s about a hundred cats out back” and has to explain it’s because the Bushwhackers eat sardines. And a horrible skit where two people in “old lady” costumes act as Nancy Reagan and Barbara Bush on a tour of Washington. Mean Gene goes over all the scandals of the day (Iran/Contra, the “foot in your mouth” vice president) and the two “ladies” fight.

Different commentary for every match here.

TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL:
TITLE MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA VII:
DEMOLITION (Smash & Crush), THE BUSHWHACKERS (Luke & Butch), THE LEGION OF DOOM (Hawk & Animal), THE ROCKERS (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty), THE ORIENT EXPRESS (Tanaka & Kato), THE NASTY BOYS (Brian Knobs & Jerry Sags) & POWER AND GLORY (Paul Roma & Hercules):
* A look at how remarkably big the WWF’s tag team division used to be, this features every “name” team in the division but the champion Hart Foundation, and even a far diminished version of the roster has a lot of recognizable acts. If you’re tossed, your partner also has to leave, making it not quite a usual 14-man battle royal. One issue with this one is nearly everybody is wearing TONS of black- usually they were better about team colors.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I’ve found a bizarre bunch of outlier matches, including a sequel of sorts to last week’s stupid indie bumpfest featuring guys who can’t work… except it’s guys who CAN mixed in! So popular indie sensations AJ Styles and El Generico (Sami Zayn) actually go to EWR in Quebec to wrestle that indie dork Crazy Crusher, and my god it is FASCINATING to watch- two guys who can absolutely work having to work around a guy who can’t, putting him over and seeing what they can make out of it.

After that, a WWF Prime Time prelude to WrestleMania VII sees The British Bulldog and the Legion of Doom vs. The Warlord and Power & Glory! Some pharmacist be gettin’ RICH tonight! Then another PT match sees an extra-lazy Smash & Crush version of Demolition take on Tito Santana & Koko B. Ware, cuz they couldn’t find any babyface tag teams willing to job to Demolition before the PPV!  Then an AMAZING surprise, as I was looking up World of Sport stuff and found Baby Chris Adams vs. Baby Fit Finlay in 1981… and it RULES! Check out how nasty that little prick Finlay is and how defiant babyface Adams is against him! Then the last of “AAA in the WWF” as Hysteria, Maniaco & Abismo Negro take on Super Nova, Venum & Discovery on WWF RAW in a cold flippy match! And then it’s a WWF B-Show as Flash Funk takes on upcoming star Taka Michinoku during the Light Heavyweight Title tournament!

A.J. STYLES vs. EL GENERICO vs. CRAZY CRUSHER:
(Elite Wrestling Revolution, 09/04/2004)
* Oh yes- I have PROOF that Crazy Crusher, the indie idiot from last week’s ladder match, wrestled future superstars in the business. This is AJ Styles and Sami Zayn in their 2004, “Indie Skinny Guy” states. Both of course look 100 times as good as Crusher, who comes out in weird baggy “almost normal clothes but a close-up reveals a collar”, and holds up a sign that says “CRUSHER = RATINGS” (those “= Ratings” signs being a popular gag with ridiculous wrestlers, like WCW jobbers… and were intended to be ironic. and were a thing in 1997). El Generico is Zayn’s “Obvious Western guy pretending to be the Mexican Sensation luchadore). Born in Quebec, he can probably communicate with Crusher. Styles is then a TNA wrestler and in the X Division, so is a well-known-ish name and a good get for this podunk company, which is in the same tiny hall as the ladder match. Hilariously, the early lockup reveals that Crusher is so small that AJ STYLES of all people looks huge beside him.