Hulk Hogan, Rollerball Rocco & Samu vs. Antonio Inoki, Tatsumi Fujinami & The Cobra (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I have one of the most amazingly weird six-man lineups I’ve ever seen for you- I was so tickled when I was shown this. It’s HULK HOGAN, Mark “Rollerball” Rocco as Black Tiger, and friggin’ SAMU as “The Wild Samoan” against the top two New Japan guys (Antonio Inoki & Tatsumi Fujinami) and The Cobra! What a weird line-up!

Then it’s over to Mid-South in 1986 for Ted DiBiase & “Dr. Death” Steve Williams against the BLADE RUNNERS! Warrior (“Rock”) and Sting (“Sting”) back when they were nigh-immobile rookies and Death when he was barely capable, too! Then a 1999 Taka Michinoku appearance in ECW as he faces Super Crazy in a spotfest! Then one more Fit Finlay vs. Chris Adams match, in a totally different context, as 16 years after the last one I reviewed sees them wrestling on WCW Worldwide in 1998! Then finally, the last of my “looking at the terrible Quebec indie EWR” series, as the scrawny Hell Storm faces El Generico (the future Sami Zayn) in 2004!

HULK HOGAN, BLACK TIGER & SAMU THE WILD SAMOAN vs. ANTONIO INOKI, TATSUMI FUJINAMI & THE COBRA:
(New Japan, Fancam Footage, Jan. 7th 1985)
* omg omg omg YOU GUYS! You guys! Look at this! HULK HOGAN teaming with Rollerball Rocco! With Samu as a random extra foreigner! And it’s against the New Japan superteam (I like how you can tell two Japanese guys in black tights apart even in this horrible tape transfer because of Inoki’s damn chin, lol), plus Cobra! Hogan was a giant deal in Japan, and easily gets as big of a reaction as Inoki does. This match really lets you see what a goddamn monster Hogan really was, because next to Rocco he looks like a different species entirely. And Rocco is bigger than a normal-sized guy! Cobra is George Takano, a Stampede/Japan guy also in a mask, I think on Tiger’s tier in the pecking order. Samu, a nobody in Japan, seems like an obvious pin-eater.

Tiger & Cobra go to start, Hogan quickly grabbing Cobra so Tiger can get some stuff on him, but Cobra swiftly fights back and tags in Fujinami. Weirdly he leaves before what looks like a double-team spot can happen- did Fujinami tell him to get out, lol? Fujinami dominates (dude’s got some PIPES, too), and Cobra whips Tiger to Hogan’s corner. But Hogan demands INOKI! They do a criss-cross, but Inoki catches the slower Hogan with a chop and beats his ass, Hogan selling like he knows who’s booking. Weird bit as he holds Hogan for some chops but Cobra seems to wuss out on trying it so Fujinami only gets one. Over to him, so Hogan eyegouges out and ignores his comeback so Samu will have to deal him with trying to get his shit in, haha. Samu throws some throat-thrusts, a headbutt and a javelin bodyslam (using him as a ranged weapon at the referee, lol). Right back to Hogan- back elbow gets two. Tiger scores a snapmare & elbow (funny how outside of WoS he kind of has to rely on quick snapmares since other dudes won’t know the intricate style), and Fujinami reverses to a crab but releases to eye Hogan coming in. Over to Cobra for a standing wheel kick for two- he goes after Samu for interfering but that just draws the monstrous Hogan in and he eats a 3-on-1 beating for it and SAILS after a Tiger/Samu double-clothesline. Headbutt/slam combo gets two for Samu.

Seriously, look at how damn big Hogan looks next to Rollerball. That’s like 6’6″ vs. 5’8″ there. You never notice just HOW big Hogan is in the land of the giants that was the WWF, but he was a true beast.

Hogan comes in for a rapid-charging boot off a whip, seemingly catching Cobra early (dude is QUICK compared to Hogan’s usual opposition). Has to drag him right out of the enemy corner so he can work the leg. Samu legdrops it and twists the leg around a bit, then backdrops Cobra INTO Tiger so he can hit a kneeling front piledriver (YIKES). Tiger does a slow-mo backdrop but misses an elbow off Bret’s rope- Inoki gets the hot tag and LAUNCHES him over the top, Fujinami adding a whip into the guardrail. this is gettin’ spicy! Tiger’s brought in the hard way but Hogan wards off a pin attempt. Inoki dumps Tiger, but he finally gets dragged to the heel corner so Hogan can hold him for Samu’s backdrop suplex. Double-back elbow from Hogan & Samu- two! But Hogan ends up in the native corner and Fujinami comes in for rapid-fire chops and a slam- Tiger clotheslines him out of a sharpshooter. Gargantuan Hogan kills Fujinami with a running knee smash, vertical suplex & elbowdrop for two. Tiger comes off the top then hits a rolling senton for two, but Fujinami trips him up and tags Cobra- Tiger’s like “oh nooooo” and eats a spinkick, vertical suplex & piledriver for two! But Cobra ends up in the heel corner and Samu throws shots until Cobra ducks under him and tags Inoki, who batters Samu’s leg with kicks and backdrops him, then hits a slam… and dodges Hogan’s incoming elbowdrop, crushing Samu! But then Hogan clobbers the Ace with the AXE BOMBAAAAAAAAAAAA! But the babyfaces dropkick out the other heels, leaving Samu to try and take out the injured Inoki- but Inoki is able to slide behind him and backslide Samu- three (10:41)!

Such a funny little “House Show Match”- nobody’s going TOO hard, and the international nature of it seems to have everyone defaulting to the simplest stuff- tons of overhand clubbing blows, and nearly every transition is “duck down and push them to the corner for a tag” (this happens EVERY TIME- like twelve times in the match). Rocco is a technical mastermind with mat-wrestling at top speed, but here is reduced to “just do a snapmare” because nobody’s gonna know WoS-style out here. But by the last couple minutes they start ramping things up- backrop suplexes, clotheslines, piledrivers, etc., and the effort level gets pretty good. Of all people the one with the best execution in the endgame is HOGAN, who hits this big high knee/suplex/elbow bit that is actually smooth as silk- impressive for someone who absolutely towers over everyone in here. And he even gets in his finish so the match still has some zazz to it, but Inoki proves clever and can catch the lowest-end of the heels even when he’s hurt.

Rating: **1/4 (looking very House Show-y but ramps up with some good execution and offense as time goes on- nobody’s working TOO hard but they’re not being lazy)

TED DiBIASE & “DR. DEATH” STEVE WILLIAMS vs. THE BLADE RUNNERS (Rock & Sting, w/ Eddie Gilbert):
(Mid-South, Sept. 25th 1986)
* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! A ridiculous match featuring Mid-South’s best regular guy (DiBiase), a rookie monster that Bill Watts WANTS to push. Plus the Blade Runners, a couple of juice-jockeys who were of course The Ultimate Warrior and Sting as IMPOSSIBLY bad rookies. They’re in black tights, with Sting (yes, he’s called “Sting” here) in a blue belly shirt for some reason, while DiBiase & Death are in red trunks, with Ted sporting white boots.

We’re JIP with five minutes having elapsed as the Blade Runners get run off, then Rock & Death go at it with the “DRAMATIC LOCKUPS” thing. Rock is very clearly bad, not even able to get “flung off” the lockup and instead just stands there and flexes. Dig Jim Ross giving his boss the verbal BJ saying Williams reminds him of Watts, “For my money the toughest man in the history of pro wrestling”. Eventually they try a slow International, Williams winning and he rams both guys with shoulderblocks. Hey, at least Sting can bump! Williams has a unique counter to Rock’s headlock- simply reaching up and grinding out until he gets his own. Death with another shoulderblock, teetering Rock over, and he pouts and stomps. But Sting nails Williams in the kidneys from the apron so Rock can choke away. He’s so immobile his only move is “whip Death off the ropes and hit him coming back”, then rests in a chinlock, broken up only by Death fighting up and being brought down again. Williams elbows away to get out of it, Rock too tired to sell, then runs off the ropes and Rock lazily lifts his leg half a foot off the ground so Williams can “run into his knee”. haha this guy is so bad. Sting comes in and shows off how much more athletic he is than his parner with some HIGH jumping strikes to a downed Steve, but Sting runs into him and both are down. Another comeback (now STING is barely selling elbows), but Sting dodges a shoulderblock in the corner and Death flies off. Rock slams him but misses an elbow and it’s hot tag Ted! Sting can barely sell strikes and takes such a weak bump on a backdrop it’s more like he rolled over DiBiase’s back, but Ted hits a slam & his fistdrop, bringing in Rock & Death for a four-way brawl. Eddie Gilbert runs in and dropkicks them over when Ted holds Sting up for a powerslam, but Ted rolls through and scores the pin (8:33 of 13:18 shown)! The babyfaces win!

NOT good- it was more or less some extended restholds on Williams with some shoulderblocks beforehand, and the match’s one good worker (DiBiase) mostly on the apron. Rock’s inability to sell is a major issue- he’s simply TOO muscular (even more than as the Warrior), rendering him immobile and easily blown up. And a blown-up wrestler can’t do much selling, which requires a lot of jolting up to sell strikes, sailing bumps, and more. Most of the time if he DID bump it was to fall straight backwards. You could tell Sting was kinda figuring it out, as he was leaping high into the air to drop elbows, but even he was rooted to the ground on his selling and took a weird rolling bump off the back body drop (typically you push off with your hands and take a long bump, not just roll over them). It wasn’t a trainwreck, but you could see the limitations of the Blade Runners- slow, plodding, and with no real offense other than clubbing blows and chinlocks.

Rating: *1/2 (unimpressive TV tag match)

SUPER CRAZY vs. TAKA MICHINOKU:
(ECW, 1999)
* A weird “Dream Match” sees Taka, actively a WWF wrestler at this point, turn up in ECW to fight Super Crazy, then their highest-level flippy guy.

Taka leans into heelishness immediately, slapping Crazy to stop a leapfrog and pointing to his head to congratulate him for smartness, but Crazy puts him on the floor and bolts past the startled ref (slick dodge there, lol- though he shoulda been out of the way before he started running) for a baseball slide/Asai moonsault. Joey marvels at how he landed on his feet, which has now become the standard moonsault type to the floor, because it’s safer (less chance of a head bump as you roll back) but looks faker and less painful (cuz you graze him with your titty instead of looking like you’re slamming into him). Crazy hits 9 punches in the corner but gets dropped- great bump there as he folds backwards. Taka gets a snapmare, dropkick and 2 stomps into a senton for two, working REALLY slowly compared to normal. Crazy comes back with an X-Factor into a swinging DDT for two, then a beatdown ends with Taka hitting a tornado DDT, over to the corner for another for two. Man, ECW guys LOVED that move- I swear you saw one on every show back then. Crazy goes behind on a suplex, hits a brainbuster, but runs into a hurricanrana for two. Taka goes up and misses a corkscrew cannonball, but Crazy only gets 2 of his 3 Moonsault Series before Taka gets the knees up, but manages to counter a small package for two. Taka manages a shotei palm strike, spinkick and springboard spinkick and goes for the Michinoku Driver, but Crazy spins out of it, can’t get a powerbomb, settles for a DDT, then hits a huge Straighjacket Ligerbomb (then Yumiko Hotta’s Pyramid Driver- now called a Ricola Bomb bc. Claudio) for the pin at (6:34).

A very typical “ECW Spotfest” match for the era- I remember seeing a LOT of this in their big matches, where guys would spam tons of shit, counter moves a lot, fail to hit a finisher, then hit a random thing they usually rarely or never used for the pin. Very unexpected and unpredictable at times. Here, you have both guys failing their finishers but Crazy pulling out this random other thing in a big ending. Lots of counters were just “spin out and do the Attitude Era Gut-Kick” but that’s mostly fine. Much of hte match was a bit leisurely and “fill this with punches”, and it was “you do your shit, then I do mine” but fine for what it was- a peppy TV match with lots of shit in it.

Rating: **1/2 (fine MOVEZfest with a lot of “sells then gets shit in” stuff)

CHRIS ADAMS vs. FIT FINLEY:
(WCW Worldwide, July 11th 1998)
* So with the 1982 Adams/Finlay match coming off as outstanding to me, I just had to see their more boring stuff in WCW, haha. So there’s their bottom-tier TV show trotting out an aged, JTTS pin-eater and “Finley” as a guy they kinda give half-hearted pushes to. He’s in his “dyed short hair” phase, with the giant shoulderpad leather jacket.

They do a very “D-Show” version of a match, fine but low-effort, as Fit hits his great overhand elbow to the mush, then hauls down Adams by the hair to avoid a counter to his headlock. Lots of posturing and jawing with the fans, then Adams puts him on the floor from an International. Finley does what Larry Z suggests he will, which is grind the speedier guy down on the mat- he hits an ankle-pick and starts twisting it even as Adams shoves at his face with a boot. Finley taunts “Come on, English boy!” as he VIOLENTLY twists the ankle with a great lock, but Adams fights up and enzuigiris him to escape. Fit still drop-toeholds him into a nasty crossface- he tries a corner whip but crashes into the corner and takes a bunch of strikes, but catches Adams up top, hits the rolling fireman’s carry slam, and finishes with the Tombstone at (4:04). Well that was succinct! Adams barely got anything in at all, haha. A solid squash for Finlay, as he grinds Adams out with painful-looking stuff, wrestlers quickly and precisely, then crushes him with a counter into two big moves for the pin. I wonder what Adams did to aggravate the bookers enough to job THIS hard, though- he barely got two moves in all match!

Rating: *1/2 (squash-adjacent but with good Fit action)

I know Generico was kind of purposefully cheap but this match graphic looks so bad. “Come see the junkie who lives under the bridge and swipes computer duster from the Staples fight a generic pasty guy in a $2 mask!”

HELL STORM vs. EL GENERICO:
(EWR, 10/02/2004)
* One more EWR match before I probably leave this god-forsaken promotion behind (bad indie wrestling can be fun to mock, but after 1-2 bouts you get bored of it, haha). This has Crazy Crusher’s brother, the other guy in their infamous dangerous-spotfest ladder match, take on El Generico. As both guys are Quebecois, they probably had some familiarity with one another, though most of Sami “Generico” Zayn’s success came south of the border. Once again, Hell Storm (no bio on Cagematch) is a bone-thin guy in black shorts, though he seems about as tall as Generico is here. And his arms and shoulders are actually pretty big- he just has a REALLY narrow torso for some reason.

They do one of those interminable indie “Pause For Applause” sequences with four armdrags (which… are not hard to do), then basic mat wrestling. Twice Storm hits a knee instead of a lockup- does he not know how to do a collar & elbow? Generico knocks him to the floor with a dropkick and does the Sabu moonsault to the floor, kinda dinging him with the thighs. Generico does a lot of “OLE!” and “throw a ribbon at him” goofy stuff, then Storm does a quick whip-reversal into a wheelbarrow German from a rollup attempt. Not bad. Hell Storm does a lot of “strike with a pause between them”, overwhelming Generico with chops & knees (some of those look REALLY snug on the stationary cam). He dropkicks him to the floor and hits a tope con hilo, ending up leaning awkwardly onto his own head. He springboards in but Generico catches him with a ligerbomb that was a little TOO quick- the fans didn’t pick up on what happened, I think. Probably the bump was too casual from Hell Storm, more like he “fell back” instead of was driven down, and Generico didn’t really sell like he was driving him down either- just held his arms out and flopped back. After the double-down, Generico hits some kicks but Storm catches another and rolling elbows him. Generico sells death so much that Storm goes for the pin, then does an odd backbreaker drop where he double-arms him up and drops while he’s over his shoulder.

Generico catches him with a snap half-nelson suplex for another double-down, leading to the “dramatic elbow trading” indie spot, then Storm whirls him into a sit-out tombstone. Hahah jesus lord why would you trust a guy this assless to do a sitout driver like that? At least Sami had the sense to immediately flop sideways over his leg on the landing, though it makes the move look sloppy-shop. lol Hell Storm screams “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” super loud after the ref insists it was “2”, which is how you amuse high school-age kids. Generico catches him up top with the “Brainbuster to the Turnbuckle”- this was a bit loose but still always looks SO dangerous to try. Generico tries to build his SmackDown! Meter but just flops over, eventually dragging Hell Storm’s limp body in for two. Generico is enraged at the kickout, but hits a brainbuster and… THE LIGHTS GO OUT! It’s a run-in! From A SHORT UNIMPRESSIVE-LOOKING LOSER! Oh my god! That’s a DQ at (10:33). Hell Storm hilariously tries to put on a Tarantula as shorty jumps the gun and wallops Generico with a chairshot. I think it says “Manson” on his pants, which would probably make this EWR regular Nightmare Manson. He counts the pin himself, then cuts a promo in French Canadian for like EIGHT MINUTES until Hell Storm recovers and they hug it out. Nobody ever saves poor Generico, who is slowly taken out of the ring.

Well this was a very “Generic Indie Match”- Storm wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, just kinda gangly and not as athletic as a skinny guy should be. The match was very “pause for applause then do RAW Sell” because after moving pretty quickly, they’d do a lot of lying around between moves. Which, like… is better than NO-SELLING, but when it’s only a couple minutes in it comes off as low-effort, haha. The “Spot Rest Spot” Sabu-type match (which is exactly how ya do a match where one or both can’t actually work but know how to do moves). It was mostly loose and uninteresting vs. sloppy, which is the WORST kind of indie stuff to recap because it’s hard to even make fun of it or be impressed by parts of it, haha. This is definitely the last EWR thing I’m recapping.

Rating: * (I dunno- some stuff was okay, some didn’t look right, lotsa boring lying around between moves, then a Fuck Finish)