The Smoking Gunns vs. Men on a Mission (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! The WCW Vault channel has uploaded all kinds of insane stuff I really wanna check out (full Thunders and Nitros!), but there’s just so many weirdo tag matches I wanted to check out first! Starting off with more of my look into the late Mo, as Men on a Mission face the Smoking Gunns TWICE in 1995! First off in March as they wrestle for the WWF Tag Titles, and then during the Summer! Then I find the WCW Vault carrying the Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero US Title Match from 1996 Hog Wild!

Then it’s a WWF Pay Per View putting on an *NWA* Tag Title match, with the horrible New Midnight Express (Bombastic Bob & Bodacious Bart) taking on the ancient, withered, unover Rock ‘n’ Roll Express! And they absolutely fuckin’ DIE out there in front of a North Carolina crowd! Next up, the biggest “Road Warriors in Japan” match yet, as Hawk & Animal take on Jumbo Tsuruta & Genichiro Tenryu, the top two stars in All Japan Pro Wrestling, for their NWA International Tag Team Titles!

WWF TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE SMOKING GUNNS (Billy & Bart Gunn) vs. MEN ON A MISSION (Mabel & Mo, w/ Oscar):
(WWF Action Zone, March 12th 1995)
* It’s Men on a Mission getting another Tag Title shot! Oddly, a babyface vs. babyface match, Men on a Mission taking on the Gunns, who were turned into the new top babyface team after the Steiner Brothers left & Headshrinkers were dissolved. I THINK this match is the impetus for their heel turn, if I remember right. Their mohawks already being black suggests that. Seeing Billy Gunn with a slim face and no roid-bloat is weird. Both guys shake hands with Mo before we start, as the 6’4″ and 6’5″ Gunns are spoken of as needing to use their speed & agility against the larger team- 1995 WWF, folks!

Billy & Mo, the smaller of the four guys (combined weight: 550 lbs.) do an International and Mo uses his raw agility to hit a slam & dropkick, and Billy SMASHES his hip on the iron-hard WWF ring on an armdrag. Poor guy has to knee free and slink off so Bart can come in, also taking an armdrag. Mabel comes in adn hits a couple slams, obviously working kinda-not-babyface, then legdrops the arm and holds him for a pinning combination (that’s a new one). Mo keeps on the arm (psychology!) but takes an armdrag himself, and Bart dropkicks him- Mo ducks Billy’s clothesline but gets drop-toeholded into an elbow- not bad! They work an arm as the crowd dies and commentary rips on how boring boxing has been (the WWF “don’t have sixteen titles- there are only a few and they mean EVERYTHING!”) as Oscar starts up a “Let’s go Mo!” chant (I sense the canned heat helping that along). The Gunns do a double-Russian legsweep, but waste time building their SmackDown! meter and miss the stealthy approach of Mabel, who made the tag. Billy stands there stunned (revealing Mabel’s only an inch or two taller, despite being billed at 6’8″), then loses a slugfest. Mabel short-clotheslines him, and Bart comes in and gets choke-bombed for two- Billy saves. Mabel’s pissed and counters a whip with a HUGE Boss Man Slam (!) for the three- but Bart’s foots on the ropes and calls off the pin! M.O.M. are incensed, and that lets Billy score a running bulldog on Mabel for two. The Gunns sense an ending and hit a GIANT double-backdrop suplex (both Gunns AND Mabel and that mother fucking ring barely shakes a tiny bit). That gets two as we go to break.

Looking at this, I realize Mabel can’t be THAT much taller than Billy.

Back with M.O.M. in charge (so we did miss something) and Mabel works Bart over with some corner-whips. Bart tries a sunset flip of all things, and good heavens- Mabel SPLATTERS him with a legdrop for two. Mo goes up stairs but misses the Flying Elbow (AGAIN the ring doesn’t budge), thrashing and writhing on the mat in agony (good selling! Or legitimate pain!), and Billy comes in with the hot tag! Punches to both M.O.M.! Mo keeps dropping but Mabel just wobbles- a double-dropkick STILL won’t drop him! But he turns around and a SECOND one sees him careen through the ropes straight into a hip-bump on the floor (OUCH). But Billyturns around right into a leaping wheel kick (WHAT) from Mo, who goes up… and catches Billy with a crossbody, only Billy “rolls through” (actually cocking up the spot so he just squirms out and covers normally) for the three at (8:40). The Gunns win! The fans seem appreciative, but Mo & Mabel attack after the bell while the lights are out- and we come up with Mabel completely crushing Bart’s chest with a butt splash and Mo does a flipover DDT to Billy, sending him vertical. Poor Oscar tries to stop his guys, being super-upset on the floor, but is helpless as Mabel drops the leg on Bart and splashes Billy. They walk away from him and talk shit to Ray Rougeau as they’re out- shortly after, they’d do a promo with Oscar where he tries to bring them back into the fold, but turn on him and splash him out of wrestling. Oscar has said he was asked to turn heel too, but quit because he believed in the “mission” and message.

This wasn’t bad! At all! Like I was prepared for the sass but even my fanboyism of Mabel doesn’t normally allow me to admit his matches are like… high in the stars! But okay the first half was pretty ass, with guys just sitting around in pit-holds lazing it up to extend the match time. But once Mabel squashes Bart with the Boss Man Slam we’re good, with the final stretch atually being really good- I loved them having issues with Mabel until they flung him out on a second double-team, then Billy turning right into a big move from Mo- the finish being botched was a shame as that shouldn’t really cause a pin, but what can ya do? The fans actually seemed into it by the end, after sitting on their hands for the lazy parts, though the constant annoying canned heat hurt it. This loss would turn them into mostly “Mabel with Mo” as he turned into King Mabel shortly thereafter.

Rating: *** (lazybones “extend the time” match into a really good final stretch, with a final beatdown that was kick-ass.. okay maybe it is Mabel fanboyism SHUT UP YOU DON’T GET TO JUDGE ME!)

THE SMOKING GUNNS (Billy & Bart Gunn) vs. MEN ON A MISSION (King Mabel & Sir Mo):
(WWF SuperStars, 07/08/1995)
* Shortly before In Your House (where they take on Razor Ramon & Savio Vega), Men on a Mission go to face the Gunns once more, three months after the heel turn. The Gunns have since lost the belts to Owen & Yokozuna (a superteam that prevents M.O.M. from ever getting a second run).

Mabel easily neutralizes Billy’s attempts at offense, but misses an elbow and gets battered around, only to swat away a second dropkick. Mo eats a small package and gets flung around. Like last match, it’s a lot of “some quick stuff, then a pit-hold”, then another double-Russian legsweep. Mo rakes the eyes and Mabel blocks Bart down, and we’re back from break with some Bart dropkicks, only for Mabel to flatten him with a Boss Man Slam. He chokes Bart, dums him, then hits a standing backdrop of sorts, but Mo quickly gets reversed with a suplex and it’s back to Mabel. Mabel misses a butt-splash when Bart tries a sunset flip, and it’s hot tag Billy- he slugs away at Mabel and hits a big flying bodypress for two, jumping off to fight Mo. The Gunns hit a double-bulldog to Mabel, Mo breaking it up- Billy hammers away on him but Mabel destroys him with an avalanche into a Belly-To-Belly Suplex, Mo holding back Bart- that’s three at (4:43). Impressive win for M.O.M.! And poor Gunns- eating jobs to Owen & Yoko and then these guys in succession. And they’d still wend up with the belts for a run next year!

A pretty weak match with an okay ending- they were a bit clunky and didn’t have the double-teams down (the “awkwardly stop the guy and Russian legsweep him” spot ALWAYS looks bad- why do that off an Irish whip?), and this was the period that M.O.M. was largely just “Mabel, featuring Mo” as Mo just ate offense and kept having to tag out. This seems to be a way to build credibility for the heels, who just had a big King of the Ring win and will need it for Mabel’s title shot at SummerSlam. Granted they still fought a bit dirty but that’s not illegal.

Rating: ** (perfectly okay TV match)

I forget sometimes how small Eddie actually was- Flair is like 6’1″ 235 lbs. and makes him look PUNY.

WCW UNITED STATES TITLE:
RIC FLAIR (w/ Woman & Miss Elizabeth) vs. EDDIE GUERRERO:
(WCW Hog Wild, 1996)
* Amazing! The WCW Vault just put up the Flair/Eddie match! I remember reading about this at the time- I’d never heard of this “Eddie Guerrero” guy (who was one two dozen small wrestlers hired by WCW all at once to fill out the undercard), but PWI or WCW Magazine or someone reported that he had unexpectedly become one of the most popular guys with the fans. So he’s in his early babyface incarnation, despite his classic ratty appearance (greasy mustache/beard and HUGE mullet) and doofus white singlet look. This is of course an outdoor show at Sturgis, South Dakota, home of a famous motorcycle rally, as the honkiest crowd in wrestling history is here (seriously, I can’t find a SINGLE BROWN FACE in any crowd shot), but thankfully the bikers are off to one side for the most part. Flair, never the biggest guy in town, absolutely dwarfs Eddie. He’s in red trunks, while Woman’s in some U.S. flag sparkly get-up and Liz of course brings the leather. Flair, about 47 years old here, was years past his prime and had a saggy, loose body, but could still go.

Flair, still mentally strong, knows to immediately put over Eddie, so he tries to taunt him but ends up slapped and swatted down like five times in the row, bitching to the ref and getting shoved by HIM, too, then bails to recalibrate. Now immediately we get the stakes- he’s gotten overconfident and is a dirtier fighter than his fired-up opponent. They try some Internationals and actually fuck up twice in a row, but both are good enough to act like they meant those moves to go off that way, Flair selling his wrist when Eddie lands on it trying the “Crossbody counter to the backdrop” spot and going way high. Eddie psyches himself up on the floor and wins a chop-fest, Flair begging off while Dusty makes some insightful points when Tony mentions Flair running on savvy and Eddie on emotion, saying that you can win matches on emotion, but can start making mistakes and being irrational, but Eddie hasn’t made any yet. Eddie does a headlock take over but gets in eyepoke range, and now Flair’s in charge with methodical chops. Eddie finally comes back with a ton of fire, dropkicking Flair to the floor.

Ric eats a short clothesline (Eddie more or less bumps hinto him and Flair sells the jaw), then gets clotheslined to the floor. He begs off, then does a Flair Flop off some chops (Woman & Liz appear to be just shooting the shit on the floor, laughing about whatever, lol). He goes to an eyepoke, then another because Eddie’s arms were up on the first, then kicks him square in the nuts while the ref is distracted by ladies. Eddie oddly sells it poorly, taking too long to grab his balls so I dunno if the fans even noticed. Eddie catches him with a crossbody, then a short clothesline, and Eddie finally lands a figure-four leglock until Flair gets the ropes. Eddie uses a rope-assisted hurricanrana for two, then kicks him (AGAIN there’s a weird fuck-up where Flair doesn’t seem to knwo what to sell), then wins another chop battle and hits a Tornado DDT (then a pretty big move), Flair flopping like a fish and kicking out. Eddie taunts him, goes into the corner, but manages to toss Flair off the top- Eddie sunset flips over the ropes and pulls down the tights for the usual “Bare Flair” spot, then undoes Flair by poking HIS eyes. He does a headlock takeover and weirdly just lets go to head up for the Frog Splash- and hits it! But he hurts his own knee and won’t cover, writhing in pain. Flair blocks an O’Connor Roll and absolutely WALLOPS him with a clothesline, slapping on the Figure-Four Leglock while Woman grabs both his hands and pulls so she’s hidden from view- Eddie is agonized and gets counted down for three on the sell at (14:16), Flair stealing one after eating 80% of the offense.

This was a weird one, as they were clearly having all kinds of issues working smoothly together, but kind of had a decent match anyways- weird stuff like overshooting moves or Eddie moving too fast for Flair and doing weird short strikes like lucha and Flair hesitates to sell slightly, possibly due to the size difference or unfamiliarity with the style (or he’s sandbagging on purpose to make Eddie look worse, lol). Things like “a back body drop is harder cuz Eddie is small” and “Flair has to do two eyepokes in a row because the first interrupted Eddie too much for the fans to see and he didn’t sell it well enough the first time”. Flair was clearly letting Eddie to almost everyting and selling his ass off for him (smart move if he’s winning anyways), doing the usual cartoonish overselling and flopping around. Which works to make the offense look effective but not like he’s about to get pinned. Then he gets a last-ditch bit to win when Eddie has bad luck and hurts his leg. It was interesting overall because a lot of the work was “they don’t know how to wrestle one another” but the story was fine and the selling worked- like they’re good enough to just surpass that anywas.

Rating: **3/4 (not as good as “Flair vs. Guerrero” maybe should be, with a loit of awkward moments and weird selling, but still a good story)

The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express, then in the dreaded “too old to be credible or worthy, but not old enough to be charming legends” phase of their career. In the ATTITUDE ERA, literally the worst place in wrestling for them.

NWA TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (Bombastic Bob & Bodacious Bart, w/ Jim Cornette) vs. THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS (Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson):
(WWF Unforgiven, April 26th 1998)
* OOOOOOOOOO amazing!! Jim Cornette showcases the New Midnight Express on PAY PER VIEW, as part of the infamously bad NWA Invasion angle (which Cornette tried to insist wasn’t a conspiracy to humiliate him and deride old-school wrestling… only to come around and wonder if it was just that after all when he tried to detail the angle, lol). This is in Greensboro, North Carolina- once an NWA hotbed, I think. He continues the great tradition with a new Midnight Express, repackaging unused midcarders Bob Holly and Bart Gunn as guys straight ouf of 1993 WWF with their bright-ass shiny tights and oiled up roid-bodies. Holly had been a JTTS for years by this point and was floundering, while Bart had been leaped over by the more charismatic Billy Gunn and got the loser’s end of the Gunns split, despite being bigger. So I get the idea IN THEORY- you’ve got these two perfectly acceptable wrestlers under contract and not doing anything, so why not repackage them? Unfortunately their whole look was dated (never mind taht the Midnights never wore these very bright “obviously New Generation-era WWF” tights that matched. And of course they throw out the ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS in front of a 1997 WWF crowd, which goes over like a wet fart, the fans barely responding at all to these impossibly washed-up, flabby-looking old men. Like these were really only “Get fangirls in the 1980s South” guys at the best of times, and now they’re older and uglier. Only a handful of fans seem to have recognized them here, and they come out to the Rockers theme.

Right away Bob loses an International and is comforted by Cornette, pulling out 1980s spots already. Doesn’t really work, as Bob is more of a “grumpy badass” than the whiny Midnights who need hugs. The RnRs work Bob’s hammies and slug Bart while he’s napping, and there’s some GIANT tube running under the running from the aisle- talk about a tripping hazard! The Midnights try a double-team and Bob just slugs Bart to the floor, doesn’t really sell the mistake with more than a “hey now” and gets whipped into Bart again by Gibson. Lawler quips “HALF a step?” when JR describes the RnRs aging and suggests the color of Sable’s panties is more important than this match, which is just dy8ing in front of the live crowd. The Midnights squabble and shove, but Cornette makes peace and Bart immediately hits an abdominal stretch on Morton, Bob helping from the apron. Yeah that’ll light this up. Cornette is so incensed at the ref breaking up cheating that he comes in and starts trying to BOX with him, but Tim White threatens FISTICUFFS by putting up his dukes and scaring Cornette into the corner. Cornette interferes so Morton eats a knee, and Bart hits a repeating backbreaker, then some slow double-teams set up a Bart powerslam, but Bob’s Alabama Jam (flying legdrop) misses. Gibson gets a limp hot tag and throws punches, the Midnights are run into each other, and the Double Dropkick finisher (yes, really)… gets nothing due to distraction. Cornette runs in with an elbowdrop of all things, nailing Bart instead. Gibson punches “the most unathletic human being on the face of the Earth” out, but tries an O’Connor Roll and Bob sneaks in a running bulldog, and that gets the pin at (6:57 shown), the Midnights retaining.

Oof, this just didn’t work. The new Midnights obviously hadn’t worked out much as a team, and were standard blank-faced heels, barely selling their outrage or annoyance at the babyfaces’ antics, leaving Cornette with doing the lion’s share of the match. So they had to do repeated comedy spots with him (hugging, being scared off by TIM WHITE, getting knocked out) hoping to get ANYTHING out of the match, as the tired old Ricky & Robert tried to do their stuff at half-speed from the old days. So the biggest reaction we got was for the Time White scrap, and a limp “Rock and Roll!” chant was all the babyfaces got. This being a hot NWA territory once upon a time, that’s a really bad sign- not even a nostalgia pop. The Midnights were split up only three months later, fighting in the post-match at the Brawl For All- Bob went on to become Hardcore Holly in his most successful run, sticking around as a “solid hand”/”probably backstage stooge” for like a decade, while Bart won the BFA and got punished big-time, slinking off to Japan as a successful midcard giant.

Rating: *1/2 (just a dreary, weak version of the NWA formula)

You know it’s Japan because the thumbnail is a spoiler alert. Like now anime is always titled “Frieza dies in this one when Goku unlocks his new form!”.

NWA INTERNATIONAL TAG TEAM TITLES:
JUMBO TSURUTA & GENICHIRO TENRYU vs. THE ROAD WARRIORS (Hawk & Animal, w/ Paul Ellering):
(All Japan, 3/12/1987)
* I found the biggest “Roadies in Japan” match yet! These belts were an NWA original that ended up a Japan belt since the 1960s (Baba & Inoki held them in the JWA!). All Japan would combine them with the PWF Tag Titles for a “Double Cup” in 1988. Tenryu always looks hilariously casual in these- Jumbo always has this pronounced frown, but Tenryu’s always got his eyebrows raised like he’s just going about his day with slight bemusement.

Animal & Jumbo start off, doing a lot of “rush up, grapple and fling off” spots until Animal responds to an armdrag with his jumping shoulder block and then PRESS SLAMS the big guy. But he runs into a boot and Jumbo hits him with his lariat, Animal flinging him off and immedaitely standing at the ready. Hawk & Tenryu go, Hawk getting his chest slapped but hitting a straight-arm lariat out of the corner- he goes up and flips over after a gut-punch, and Tenryu scorpion deathlocks him until Animal bowls him over. He cranks on a chinlock for a while, gets suplexed, and Hawk overpowers Jumbo in a knucklelock. Hawk gets him with his powerslam but throws too many strikes and eats a Jumbo Knee. Hawk ducks a clothesline but then they lariat each other- Hawk recovers first and lariats him to the floor. Jumbo dodges an elbowdrop and they double-lariat Animal, but he dodges a 2nd-rope elbow and works over Tenryu. Hawk keeps putting on a little-contact camel clutch, then the Warriors alternate sleepers. They slowwwwlly work him over for 3 minutes until Animal power-whips him into the corner and Hawk throws a shoulderblock. Hawk misses a headbutt off the 2nd rope and Jumbo’s in with th e hot tag, hitting another knee and throwing on his own scorpion deathlock, then counters Hawk’s wild swing with a backdrop suplex. Jumbo & Tenryu actually throw a dual-kick combo, but Animal walks in and press-slams Hawk into Tenryu for two. Animal comes in with a powerslam and they hit the Doomsday Device, Jumbo breaking the pin. Hawk deals with him while Animal fails to pin Tenryu off a press-slam, then Tenryu rolls to the floor. The Warriors Spike Piledrive him out there while Jumbo’s hurt and head back in… and win by Count-Out (11:20)! And because it’s Japan, that’s good enough for the belts! The Road Warriors win the NWA International Tag Titles!

This was interestingly pedestrian for the most part- the Warriors weren’t as bad for no-selling as usual, but since the match was LONG, they had to find ways to kill time (they’re not exactly versatile)- this causes a really big slowdown six minutes in and it’s hard to get the fans back into it. The Doomsday Device doesn’t even really pop them that hard, and then the finish is weird. Obviously it’s a way to “save face” for the two top singles guys in the company, and within the rules, but it’s kind of funny to see the ROAD WARRIORS do this big tactical “by the book” finish. And the simplicity of the match was obvious in that every single transition came by way of a missed elbowdrop, like they had no better idea. This happened something like 15 times in the match- a guy would hit 1-2 things and then miss an elbow and the other would do stuff. The Warriors would hold the belts for over a year, doing a few one-month tours of the country- Cagematch shows them beating various combinations in matches nearly always under five minutes (their specialty).

Rating: **1/4 (some good stuff but ultimately a mid-effort match)