WWF Prime Time Wrestling 02.18.91 – All Dream Matches!

WWF PRIME TIME WRESTLING:
(Feb. 18th 1991)
* Okay, so I have a full show of Prime Time here on YouTube- I’ve reviewed two of the matches already, but can add the other stuff to some other stuff I’ve found! Tonight: A Tag Team Battle Royal to determine the Tag Title contenders at WrestleMania VII! Earthquake vs. Tugboat! The Big Boss Man vs. The Barbarian! The debut of The Viking! Shawn Michaels vs. Crush! And squashes featuring Rick Martel & Texas Tornado! Also, I threw in more WORLD OF SPORT, as Mark “Rollerball” Rocco takes on Marty Jones in 1978 England!

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, with Lord Alfred Hayes announcing them in front of a crowd of fans, who boo Heenan on queue. This leads to lots of unfunny gags, probably with a lot of Vince’s “being a TV comedy show host is THE BEST” ideas behind it. HAW HAW Heenan’s fly was open! What a boob! Heenan cracks that “there’s about a hundred cats out back” and has to explain it’s because the Bushwhackers eat sardines. And a horrible skit where two people in “old lady” costumes act as Nancy Reagan and Barbara Bush on a tour of Washington. Mean Gene goes over all the scandals of the day (Iran/Contra, the “foot in your mouth” vice president) and the two “ladies” fight.

Different commentary for every match here.

TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL:
TITLE MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA VII:
DEMOLITION (Smash & Crush), THE BUSHWHACKERS (Luke & Butch), THE LEGION OF DOOM (Hawk & Animal), THE ROCKERS (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty), THE ORIENT EXPRESS (Tanaka & Kato), THE NASTY BOYS (Brian Knobs & Jerry Sags) & POWER AND GLORY (Paul Roma & Hercules):
* A look at how remarkably big the WWF’s tag team division used to be, this features every “name” team in the division but the champion Hart Foundation, and even a far diminished version of the roster has a lot of recognizable acts. If you’re tossed, your partner also has to leave, making it not quite a usual 14-man battle royal. One issue with this one is nearly everybody is wearing TONS of black- usually they were better about team colors.

Everyone attacks before the bell and we’re off- no honor among thieves as heels freely go after each other (Roma scraps with both Nasties and Sags nails Crush). Roma knocks Sags & Shawn’s noggins while Animal pounds on Herc, and our first big spot sees Demolition do double military presses on the Rockers (whose bright yellow tights make them really stand out on TV), but Marty wisely pulls down Shawn when they’re close, allowing Shawn to rescue HIM, and Crush eats a superkick and Smash gets double-dropkicked out at (1:58). That about shows you where Demolition sat on the pecking order. Luke takes Tanaka’s thrust kick so Kato can backdrop him out right after. Herc gets beat up by the Orients while the babyfaces team up on Sags, but right as Piper compliments how the Rockers are the only ones working as a team, Shawn accidentally dropkicks Marty out. Great “Aw SHIT!” stomp by Shawn as he freaks out, but the Rockers are cool with it, hugging it out- they just couldn’t deal with the agility of Brian Knobs!

The LOD are the only good guys left- Roma & Tanaka pound on Hawk & Kato on Animal while Herc is double-teamed by the Nasties. Hawk slowly boots at Kato and easily backdrops him out from a charge, then Animal press-slams Tanaka onto him to give the fans their “LOD is AWESOME!” spot (this is a sign they won’t be winning), Tanaka hitting the floor like Kato powerbombed him, lol. All three brutes lay waste to Hawk in the corner while Animal & Roma fight to the floor, and Animal press-slams him over the second rope. This leads to the obvious moment of both Nasties on Hawk & both P/G on Animal- in a great spot, Hercules rocket launches Roma into Animal’s arms… and he’s caught and carried right over the top rope! Hawk murders the Nasties with a double-clothesline and they set up the Doomsday Device! But Power & Glory are PO’d and yank Hawk off the top rope at (6:35)! The Nasty Boys are going to WrestleMania! The newest team in the thing wins!

A good, quick battle royal (with tons of fake crowd noise, as the dead spots had this ROAR the whole time). Great spots to end it, though I’ll note that both Roma AND Hawk went to the top rope from the outside apron (the usual way), meaning those eliminations should NOT count. Well, Hawk’s might not. Roma going in but not touching the mat… is that grounds for a complaint with the championship committee? This match demonstrates a lot of positions- Demolition as losers, the Whackers, too, the Orients good for a “dramatic obvious elimination” spot, and then that the LOD is being set up to beat Power & Glory as their next big feud. I wonder how many people here realized that the Nasties were getting the Tag Title push at ‘Mania?

Rating: **1/2 (fast-paced and fun, if quick)

McMahon & Heenan tell “jokes” about the day. McMahon quotes a controversial joke about woman sports journalist Lisa Olsen: “What do Iraquis and Lisa Olson have in common? They’ve both seen Patriot missiles up close!”. Classic “boooooyayyyyyclapclapclap” reaction from the fans (this was obviously just so Vince could say the joke himself). Both Heenan & McMahon are AWFUL at this taped show stuff, repeatedly stumbling over their words, ruining punchlines. A comment about Willie Nelson being sued for “9 hours of consecutive lovemaking, then doing a backflip while still attached to her” sees Heenan call out a woman in the audience (ugh, this is always death) as the woman in question, and she says “if Bobby says so”. Bobby asserts her name is Full Nelson, and that the guy behind her better watch out. Two minutes to set up that gag.

A live promo with Roddy Piper and Virgil, freshly babyface, where Piper, master of non-cringey race relations, tells us about human rights, gladly shines Virgil’s boots, but tells DiBiase that SLAVERY IS BAD and that Virgil is A MAN and that he won’t wipe a man’s boots or kiss his feet. See, I get what they were TRYING here- Virgil couldn’t do live promos and Piper COULD, so was ideally trying to lead him through some and generate some excitement and charisma for the babyface, but Piper was very cocainey at this point in time even by his usual standards and it mostly ends up with him & Virgil screaming at each other in lieu of actual charisma. Piper: “When I look at you, I don’t see a black man, I don’t see a white man, I don’t see a yellow man; I see PURE MAN! What are you?” “A MAN!” “Are you gonna wipe off my boots?” “NO!” “NOW YOU’RE GETTIN’ THE IDEA!” “Spell Man” “M-A-N!”, then Piper goads him and Virg says “DiBiase- at WrestleMania, you will spell MAN, “V-I-R! G-I-L!”. Piper: “Hey DiBiase- at WrestleMania, guess who’s coming to dinner?”.

Back to the studio, Heenan asserts that without Piper, “there is no way he could have spelled Virgil“.

This is one of the only times I can recall the WWF workshopping a guy’s name while he was still wrestling. Off the top of my head, I mostly remember Abe Schwartz/MVP and The Ringmaster/Stone Cold Steve Austin.

THE VIKING vs. DAVID ISLEY:
(WWF Wrestling Challenge, Feb. 16 1991)
* This is actually the DEBUT of John Nord in his “Berzerker” persona, though as I remember from one of the very first WWF Saturday Morning broadcasts I ever saw, he was initially called THE VIKING, and wore dark turquoise instead of the brown gear he got known for. Still with the tunic, he has grey undies, but still the big fuckin’ horned helmet, sword and shield, and I love this stupid shit so much. He is absolutey SHREDDED here, too, I might add, sporting the big “steroid veins” down his biceps.

The Viking jumps the jobber pretty quickly, and his “Huss!” shouts are more out of control than I remember. Nord’s mannerisms are pretty wild here, doing even more dramatic shouts, swinging his arms and sticking his tongue out as he does them, and frequently doing a “tic” thing where he jerks his head around. This is all apparently a Bruiser Brody riff, as Nord idolized the deceased brawler. Comes off kinda like a taller, heel Jim Duggan. Big boot with those INSANELY long legs looks great, a dropkick, and he hits a snap powerslam that impresses Heenan on commentary. Double-kneedrop, big boot in the ropes, front suplex, and he finally just picks the guy up and launches him out of the ring in a good controlled bump, getting his Count-Out finisher at (2:09). This ends up being his kinda-stupid match finisher, which is one of the more infamous aspects of this failed character, and then my mind is blown as he hits a FUCKING PESCADO onto the schmuck to end things!

Rating: 1/2* (great jobber squash, though- tons of moves and he just ate the guy alive)

Mean Gene now shills WWF toys and cards at Toys R Us, Jim Duggan injuring him to get the Mean Gene card, the last one in his collection. Okay but those cards were awesome when you were a kid, haha.

“THE MODEL” RICK MARTEL vs. DALE WOLFE:
* Wolfe was a longtime jobber, and what a mug on that guy, haha. That chin and facial shape- he looks like one of the background Muppets, like Johnny Fiama or Guy Smiley. He’s in red trunks, Martel in purple.

Martel wastes little time hauling Wolfe to the mat by his hair, stomping the back, hitting a gutwrench suplex & backbreaker, then a Boston Crab at (1:50). THUNDEROUS phony boos for the whole match.

Rating: 1/2* (really quick and dominant)

WrestleMania VII promos! Most are pretty generic yelling stuff. Hogan takes particular issue with Slaughter taking “The Pukeamaniacs” as prisoners of war. The Ultimate Warrior is enraged at the Macho King bashing “this normal structure” (his skull) “That the gods have given me to walk among this normal universe!”. Then the Bushwhackers come out to scream about the weather reports, which isn’t so much jokes as them yelling at the tops of their lungs and doing their pose. Then they look at a satellite photo, which is just a picture of a satellite. See the Muppets or someone could make this funny, but this is just them screaming and looking confused. This goes on for like FOUR MINUTES. Just in case you wanted to know why it took them being retired for years for wrestling fans to come around on them.

THE BIG BOSS MAN vs. THE BARBARIAN:
* A match to warm up the Boss Man for his IC Title match against Mr. Perfect.

We’re JIP with Barbarian in charge, bearhugging Boss Man (man, why would they join us at the RESTHOLD?), who bites his way free but gets taken out by the Kick of Fear. Barbarian takes an eternity to set up his 2nd-rope elbow and misses, allowing Boss Man to win a slugfest- a enzuigiri puts Barbarian down, then he runs into a stungun for two. Boss Man with the flying body press (!), and Barbarian rolls through (!) using his technical acumen to almost pin him. Barbarian blocks a piledriver and sits out on him, but Boss Man swings the legs up to catch him flexing and that’s the pin at (5:03 shown). Haku comes out of the locker room for revenge, laying out the Boss Man with a reverse crescent kick to soften him up for fellow stablemate Perfect. The match seemed fine, but we mostly just hit the resthold and mini-comeback. A decent series of moves setting up to the finish.

Rating: ** (a pretty obvious “House Show Match” that was probably never supposed to be entirely televised)

SHAWN MICHAELS (w/ Marty Jannetty) vs. CRUSH (w/ Mr. Fuji):
* Poor Crush is already in the ring when we start, as he takes on Shawn.

Crush pounces immediately, hammering away at Shawn, who gets caught out of a monkey-flip and set up in the corner, but he flips over and superkicks Crush, setting up two clotheslines and a shoulderblock- Crush goes down but flings him off on the pin. Shawn is hurt on the floor, but Crush press-slams him with some reps and gets caught in a bodyscissors takeover. Crush fires back out of a front facelock and hits his WrestleFest finisher, the Spinning Backbreaker, then hits a torture rack and drops down on Fuji’s orders. Crush hits the bearhug as this is all keeping on the lower back, but Shawn ALSO bites free from it and bounces off the corner HARD on a counter-whip. Shawn howls in pain in a bodyscissors and backbreaker, but Crush misses a flying kneedrop off the top rope (!). Shawn clips his knee to stay on it, but gets caught on a crossbody… only for MARTY to fly in, cheating thanks to Mr. Fuji’s distraction and bashing them down for Shawn to pin him at (7:20). lol Crush kicked out at 3.1 but the damage is done. Also I love that not only is Smash not there, but dipshit Fuji killed his own guy.

Actually nowhere near as bad as a “Rookie Crush” match should be, and that’s probably thanks to Shawn being a great talent at this point- both Rockers were absolute bump machines with great timing, and Shawn here was doing into overdrive by howling in pain and arching his back on every shot like he was being slaughtered. Bookers really notice stuff like this if they’re doing their jobs right, and reward that kind of effort with a push. I mean, Crush was REALLY bad and green at this point in his career, and looked like a brutal, capable monster here, taking Shawn apart with offense to the spine and plenty of big moves.

Rating: **1/4 (shockingly good for a 1991 Crush match)

EARTHQUAKE (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. TUGBOAT:
* It’s time for my favorite kind of match- the FAT MAN STAND-OFF!! It’s pretty clear in retrospect that Tugboat was one of the weaker “Hogan Buddies”, being a little too silly. I mean, Hillbilly Jim was in the same role, but Hogan had OTHER friends, y’know? With Beefcake on the shelf around this time, you’ve got this guy and his dorky hat & striped shirt acting like a big star. They’d already jobbed him out to DiBiase & Undertaker recently.

We start off with the best reason for two fat guys to fight each other- IMMOVABLE SHOULDERBLOCK SPOTS! Roddy Piper on commentary notes how interesting it’ll be for Earthquake to finally go up against someone close to his own size. They do that spot three times, which is rad, but Earthquake hammers him with a clothesline this time, completely flattening Tugboat and then standing on him. Well Tugboat earned that, just standing there all “try it again!” on him. Quake hits a jumping belly-kick and another clothesline, as Piper talks about the strategy of the super-heavyweights not using evasive moves or doing moves quickly, but “They hit so HARD…”. He asserts there’s never a move wasted as Quake uses headbutts to control, but Tugboat reverses a whip and hits an avalanche in the corner! The fans go all “TOOOT!” or whatever, but I never understood why they made THAT Tugboat’s catchphrase- it just sounds like they’re booing him. Unless that’s actually what they’re doing- this gimmick is dumb. Weak clothesline (more like a “running push”), and Quake ends up in the “Andre Position” in the ropes. Tugboat pounds away, but Jimmy gets on the apron like a good heel and Tugboat chokes him, lifting him until he’s STANDING on the top rope, and Quake grabs the megaphone and clobbers him for the DQ (3:23). Earthquake drops elbows as the fans look to the entryway to find Hulk Hogan, but alas- Tugboat’s on his own, and Earthquake hits the Vertical Splash. Kinda funny that EARTHQUAKE can’t get a win when others could, but I guess three big jobs was too many.

Rating: *1/2 (Kind of a nothing bout, only hitting a bit of offense for each guy before it was over)

They do an “Ask the Brain” segment that mostly bombs, with fans writing in questions for him, but he accuses a boy of his mom “running off with the bearded lady” or else he wouldn’t be there, then bombs with a Tammy Faye Bakker joke but successfully makes Vince (and women in the crowd) corpse with an off-the-cuff remark (on ex-con husband Jim, “That’s why they let him out early- she’s REALLY gonna look good in forty years”).

Jesus, what a monster. That’s a combination of genetics, size and the perfect pharmaceutical regimen.

FULL NELSON CHALLENGE:
THE WARLORD (w/ The Doctor of Style, Slick) vs. “THE BRITISH BULLDOG” DAVEY-BOY SMITH:
* The Warlord/Bulldog feud to WrestleMania has a big stop where we see if Bulldog can get out of the Full Nelson finish of Warlord.

Warlord teases putting it on but NOPE- he goes to yak with Slick. Davey-Boy’s annoyed, but the psychology is goading him as Warlord nearly locks it on then NOPES out again. Of course now Slick starts yelling at him, allowing Warlord to pounce from behind. He drops his elbowdrop trio and locks on the Full Nelson, throttling Davey-Boy around and dumping him to the mat like a sack of garbage, then flexes to show off the best combination of genetics & pharmaceuticals in the business. But he throws some more shots and Davey gets his second wind, firing back, then ducking a clothesline to put Warlord on the floor! Then Slick takes a cheap shot and Davey hits him with the Running Powerslam, squashing him like a bug. The Warlord has to drag his manager’s starfished dead body out of the ring as Bulldog’s music plays. Fun little bit, but doesn’t do much to help Warlord (who is also losing the match).

One of those reminders that Slick is actually IMMENSELY tall, moreso than most actual wrestlers.

Back to the studio, Heenan drops “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”. Man I only ever saw that commercial ONCE and the next day every person I knew was making that gag. Now the Bushwhackers come out to model a towel and a dress (WHY).

Pasty jobbers are my comfort food.

“THE TEXAS TORNADO” KERRY VON ERICH vs. DARRYL WOODWORTH:
* Woodworth is a pretty tall guy with a wonderfully doughy jobber’s physique. Really showing attention to detail by refusing to tan and getting plain black tights.

Funny bit as the jobber shoves Kerry, who responds by slapping him and shoving him awkwardly to the floor. He gently helps the guy in, but gets shoved into the corner and kneed, firing back with a ton of punches. HE whips him to the corner and makes chase… but just stomps up to gut-punch him, then runs off the ropes for the Tornado Punch at (1:32). lol guy makes the weirdest decisions in-ring sometimes- making this big, fast Irish whip into a chasing corner move… but not to clothesline him or anything involving running, he just punches him once.

Rating: DUD (Kerry squashes were usually not good, in my experience)

We end things with the unhinged Barbara/Nancy fights lead to a gun battle, then they show up at the studio to splash Heenan with water. Uh, paying off the show-long gimmick, I guess.

Man, the studio segments here were just DIRE- Heenan is a better “off the cuff” guy than a stand-up comedian, and you can’t ask for a worse straight man that Vince McMahon, who isn’t funny, laughs unnaturally and has a bad sense of humor at the best of times. That Vince was THIS BAD at his on-screen job for like 15 years and then turned heel one day and was immediately one of the best of all time is a wonder for the ages.

BRITISH HEAVY MIDDLEWEIGHT & LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT TITLES:
MARK “ROLLERBALL” ROCCO vs. MARTY JONES:
(World of Sport, 1978??)
* It’s more Rollerball! It’s Rocco’s Heavy Middleweight Title and Marty’s Light Heavyweight Title! … heavy middleweight and light heavyweight? Is there a light middleweight and a heavy light middleweight? I THINK this is a match someone else said William Regal said was the best match ever, but this uploader didn’t date it so I got nothing. Rocco’s always good, though. Commentary says that Rocco defeated Jones a short while ago, then challenged for the belt, and Jones said “better yet, I’ll come down to YOUR weight and we’ll go for both titles”. Rollerball’s in a different legless bodysuit than normal- it’s now blue with yellow stripes. Jones is in red tights with blue stripes.

Some tight chain-wrestling to start, doing the obvious headlock/wristlock/headscissors stuff but snug as hell, Rocco making sure to always have a forearm/wrist-bone shoved up against Marty’s face in each hold to put over that it’s “real” and he’s fighting. One of the wildest counters I’ve ever seen has Rollerball pull up his foot and drop it across Marty’s wrist to break one part of a hold, then snapmare him down while he’s still being hammerlocked to break THAT. How do they even come up with this? Rollerball comes out at round 2 with a BIG headbutt and a bunch of strikes to hammer Marty, hits a kneedrop & flying punch to the neck, then pulls the hair to stop a comeback. Another great Rollerball escape sees him shoulderblocked down, and he kips up right into a snapmare. He gets flung around a bit, but manages to splash Marty’s knee and work on it, ultimately hanging him upside-down in the ropes at round’s end! Jones shaking his foot to bring feeling back into it is great, as is him hitting the mat like a ton of bricks when the ref unties him. Rocco immediately pounces on the knee with boots, Jones collapsing on a single strike each time- he tries to free himself but Rocco puts his ankle on the rope and smashes down like Flair until a boot makes him SAIL over the top and to his feet (lol a granny takes a swing at him on the floor).

This 1970s “Grease” extra with the nerd glasses is in EVERY WORLD OF SPORT CLIP I see.

Rollerball manages to even tie up the leg doing an ARMBAR, ultimately Earthquake-splashing it. He twists at the leg repeatedly, Jones fighting back by grinding the elbow into his eye-hole and jabbing him with it until Rocco breaks and starts laying the boots to him, whining to the admonishing ref about his eye, haha. Jones gets up and is SO ANGRY he suggests that if Rocco wants to brawl, they should just do it (“What a pity- I hope that doesn’t happen” mutters the British Lance Russell commentator), and when he tries an airplane spin, Rocco sticks a finger in his mouth on the ref’s blind-side to escape. OH MY GOD THERE’S BRITISH ADS! “Movies4Men”, some horrible car jingle, DebtHelp and more. Back with Rollerball overselling and trying a sneak attack, but he fails- Marty has his knee twisted a lot, but counters a “bash the knee into the mat” spot but simply leaping up all the way and dropkicking him out. Rocco fights back to the knee stuff, booting it and flipping Marty across the ring, and keeps trying to attack him outside (a big no-no) until Jones hauls him out and they brawl out there! Jones takes the lead and actually takes ROCCO’S knee out, but after round’s end, Rocco slugs him in the gut and is issued his first Public Warning for it. “That was far too late”, sez commentary.

lmao Rollerball rules.

Next round, Rocco pulls out a vicious ripcord shoulderblock, then waits for JUST the right moment for Jones to rise before booting him (when he’s technically “up” so it’s legal but before he’s ready), and JONES GETS HOT- he charges in with a trio of elbow-smashes, then goes sailing over the top on a missed one. He climbs to the top rapidly (no more sore knee) but misses and SPLATS- he got too aggressive cuz Rocco goaded him! Rollerball pounces for that knee again but Marty’s ready for him- a backslide gets the pin at (1:15 of Round 5)! 1-0 for Marty Jones! See, he’d been doing that all match and now Marty planned for it. Psychology! Marty pounces again, throwing him off the ropes for a headbutt, slamming him and stomping him on the mat (nearly getting a Warning), but takes a gutwrench toss for two- he’s so mad Marty kneed out of it that he starts kicking him while he’s down and butterfly suplexes him and that’s three at (1:15 of Round 6). Tied! Rocco quickly gets monkey-flipped WAY across the ring as Marty is now repeatedly going to the hair (“he’s getting back some of it” notes commentary), swinging him around, then stopping a comeback with a back body drop. Rollerball gets his own and BLASTS him with an elbow after he stops a corner-whip (OUCH). Hangman’s neckbreaker hold, but Marty flips to his feet and monkey-flips him AGAIN, Rocco bailing to the floor. Right at the bell, Rocco catches a cross-body and dumps Jones all the way to the floor. Round 8 begins and Rocco pounces while Jones is unsteady, but Jones counters a turnbuckle smash with his own (both using the hair) and hits a missile dropkick! A whip & another monkey flip has Rocco in agony, and he goes UPSIDE-DOWN into the corner in the most awful-looking Flair Bump imaginable, then gets whipped off again and eats a monster backdrop to the floor. No way is he getting back in- Marty wins (2-0) by Count-Out at (1:00 of Round 8)- Marty is the Double Champion!

Another great World of Sport example- I assume this promotion had weaksauce matches and I’m just cherry-picking the best guys, but everything I’ve seen has been good. I like how the first half is all Rollerball, while the second half is Marty increasingly getting up on him, from countering the typical knee move Rollerball kept defaulting to, to flinging him around like crazy to pay back all the earlier cheating. Rocco ate big bump after big bump in there, doing a superstar job of sailing around. I like how the “intricate, super-precise counter-wrestling” stuff completely disappears as the match goes on- in the first five they’re throwing out insane stuff like “turns around on a hammerock, puts his elbow in and backrolls him off” and by the end it’s “two sweaty dudes just shoving each other off” to counter. Both putting over how tired they are for real and in kayfabe (no way a guy 18 minutes in should be doing “intricate counters”). The only weird thing is Marty’s knee being this huge point of the first 2/3 of the match, then he eats a huge fall off the top rope and comes up… fine? They just ignore it after a point. If it’s “early match weardown stuff” I can buy it but it’s weirder in a submission-heavy style when it’s such a big part of Rocco’s work. Jones is tricky to assess here- Rollerball is SO GOOD that it’s hard to tell if his opponent is excellent or Rollerball has utterly carried him, but I think he was very tight and skilled. Rocco’s super-precise counters don’t work if the other guy sucks, he knew exactly where to be at all times, etc. Seemed mostly uncharismatic, but in England you can’t really get away with being this wild ostentatious Western-style babyface.

Rating: **** (very, very good example of the style, with some all-star bumping by Rollerball Rocco)