Dino Bravo vs. Giant Warrior (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have more of “whatever shit online I could find”, as poster GARTH has offered me the most dreaded combination possible- DINO BRAVO as his bloated 1991 self against one of the worst big men ever, Giant Warrior, in Puerto Rico! Watch and be AMAZED at how much lazybones stalling and restholdery can be put into one match that people presumably paid MONEY to see!

Next up, get WHIPLASH from the difference in workrate as Rey Mysterio Jr. & Juventud Guerrera team up on 1997 Nitro to take on Psychosis & La Parka, and unload an entire Fire Pro Moveset on each other in six minutes! Then watch the Smoking Gunns fill a lazy TV match with the legendary WELL DUNN in 1993! And then it’s a FANTASTIC dream match if you know your Junior stuff, as New Japan’s Jushin Liger comes to All Japan to face legendary 1980s dickhead Masanobu Fuchi in 2001! And finally, a request, as I look into 2025’s PWI 500 #500 himself, CEREAL MAN, as he takes on Ricky Tenacious in an American Indie Sleaze comedy match, with a lethal box of TOASTED OATS as a weapon!

DINO BRAVO (w/ Masked Heel Manager) vs. GIANT WARRIOR:
(Puerto Rico, 1991)
* HELL YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I found the most glorious of all Dream Matches! Our poster GARTH has discovered this and inflicted upon you all! Giant Warrior, if you remember, is one of the “Land of Giants”- a pair of stringbean seven-footers who were so shitty even Vince McMahon & Eric Bischoff never hired them, and he did some stuff in Puerto Rico under this name. And of course he’s wrestling one of the infamously dirt-awful guys ever, DINO BRAVO! How bad is Giant Warrior? This match is relying on Dino Fucking Bravo to raise it above DUD. And judging by this being 1991 and his roid bloat being absolutely out of control, I’d say it doesn’t look good! He’s got black hair and red trunks on, making this my first “Dino with his natural hair color” match. Giant Warrior’s tall, skinny and in red tights, and is a babyface. This is one of those “ring in the middle of a baseball field” matches.

Dino’s roid bloat is particularly strong here.

They start with lockups, Dino offering two clean breaks before suddenly taking a swing- but Giant Warrior stops him with overhand rights and some weak lariats put Bravo on the floor! Not bad bumping & feeding there, actually. But of course he now does a walkaround in the field and THERE’S the Dino Bravo we all know and love. Speaking of, he comes in and offers a test of strength! Warrior is game, but teases him by lifting his arms all the way up. They finally connect 1:45 after the last bump, and Bravo at least knows to shake his head around to emhasize his strength as he starts to dominate the test, putting Warrior to one knee. Warrior slowly fights to his feet and responds to an upset Dino’s boot with his own, then whips him off the ropes and hits a large chop! Dino sails out in a fine enough bump, but he’s back on the floor yelling at the fans. Oh now it’s time for hugs from his manager.

Back from commercial break with Bravo hitting an inverted atomic drop and puts the boots to him, then the manager adds a punch and Dino snapmares him into a lethal chinlock. Warrior fights free but Dino goes to the eyes and backdrop suplexes him (flipover bump by the big guy). That gets two and it’s back to the chinlock (don’t look so surprised). Dino uses an open-hand choke repeatedly and now it’s a BEARHUG as the workrate is sensational. Warrior fights up after resisting the third arm-drop and comes back with punches and bounces Bravo off three corners, but Bravo counters a whip and pulls him into an AIRPLANE SPIN (only 3-4 revolutions) and a lumbering clothesline has Dino falling onto him. Dino is like “not that way!” and goes for the Full Nelson and… Giant Warrior submits (9:56)! Dino Bravo wins CLEANLY by submission againt the seven-footer!

Okay this SUCKED but it wasn’t the most unwatchable thing ever, shockingly enough. Like it’s almost all stalling, heel schtick and soft, low-cardio holds BUT it still had heelish cheating, comebacks, a proper flow and the things a match should have, with a minimum of botching. But hoo boy, how lazy- 10 minutes and Dino takes two powders for a minute at a time, does 2 minutes of chinlocks, a long test of strength spot (with build-up AND the hold), and a bearhug. At least he tried to put some oomph into that clothesline (aiming high on the body and lunging into it so hard he fell over). So it’s unacceptably lazy but not a botch-filled masterpiece. I’ve seen Bastian Booger/Mabel stall worse than this.

Rating: 1/4* (it’s BAD and incredibly lazy but Dino tried to hit his shit JUST well enough I can’t go entirely with a DUD, haha)

REY MYSTERIO, JR. & JUVENTUD GUERRERA & LA PARKA & PSYCHOSIS:
(WCW Nitro, Dec. 15th 1997)
* The four most pushed Luchadores in WCW all take on each other! Honestly, I can’t remember Rey & Juvi teaming up at all. La Parka’s in the rare yellow & black variant of his gear, while Psychosis is in black & white. Juvi’s got a black singlet with pink and Rey’s in white tights & mask with green shorts- unique combo for him, too.

Juvi starts off somersaulting over Psychosis into a stiffer landing than he was probably aiming for, then does his “hairpull from the apron” into a flying rana, then a regular leaping one for two. La Parka interferes so his partner can land a clothesline. A weak double-team (I think Parka wasn’t sure what to do, lol) leads to Parka holding Juvi for Psychosis’ Guillotine Legdrop on a rope-drape spot (the one time that spot really works), and a belly-to-belly (!) gets two. Parka gets a big powerbomb for two as they’re clearly in MOVEZ mode. Psychosis accidentally missile kicks Parka and Juvi rolls him up with lightning speed, but Parka kicks him & Psychosis cleverly slide-elbows Juvi & cracks Rey to keep on offense. They slow it down with basic attacks (it’s funny how WCW’s lucha style was always like that- CRAZY MOVEZ and then “okay now do a running dropkick”). Parka eats shit on a Stinger Splash and Juvi immediately whirls Psychosis into a Juvi Driver for the hot tag (which isn’t really that hot)- Rey springboards in to nail Psychosis and hits an Unprettier with no spin on Parka (which actually makes it look better and more vicious, haha). Juvi springboards into both guys but is caught, so Rey hits an Asai Moonsault to the pile! The fans are finally responding because Rey’s actually over. A somewhat clunky bit sets up a counter-spot when Parka sentons Psychosis and Rey springboards onto them both, and then the rudos hit the flower and it’s double tope con hilos! Whisper in the Wind gets two and Parka’s tripped into dropkicking his partner, then Juvi vaults Rey into a Super Frankensteiner on La Parka- Psychosis saves! A rudo double-team sees Rey trip up Parka, but Psychosis & Juvi hit the top rope and a CRAZY reversal sees Juvi turn inaround in mid-air into a bodyslam off the top! Parka saves but does his dance and gets springboard dropkicked to the floor and the technicos go for a double-team, but Parka bags Juvi on the top rope! But Rey splats Psychosis from his shoulders and hits an insane springboard rana to the floor and Juvi hits the 450 Splash for the pin on Psychosis at (6:32). DAMN that got over- fans were all hopping by the end.

Very much a MOVEZ special, as you see big moves like powerbombs and the Guillotine legdrop immediately, then a slow bit (one issue with Juvi is he has the spotz but isn’t a good seller yet so his shit’s not over) and then Rey comes in with his usual stuff and the crowd gets really into it. And because HE’s over, all his stuff is, and the double-teams and wild spots escalate things until the fans are going nuts. The match had nothing in the way of selling or whatever, but had psychology of overconfident, slower heels getting knocked around or caught celebrating, and Rey’s high-flying is some of the best of all time- there’s only been a handful of guys more agile and none of them hit stuff THIS well. This was absolutely a PPV effort and an attempt by all four guys to get pushes. Naturally only two got them and one got immediately hurt (rey).

Rating: *** (about as good as a TV match can be without selling, haha- just a MOVEZ spectacle with great double-teams and interference spots. What we called a Spotfest back in the day- but the best kind)

The difference between “working out but soft” Billy Gunn and ALL THE STEROIDS EVER Billy Gunn is huge.

THE SMOKING GUNNS (Billy & Bart Gunn) vs. WELL DUNN (Timothy Well & Steven Dunn):
(WWF All American, Aug. 29th 1993)
* HELL YES I FOUND ANOTHER WELL DUNN MATCH!! It’s been so long I can’t remember which one was the good one. I think it was the blond guy (Dunn). Dunn are in different gear- they still have the “purple thongs over their tights” look, but their singlets now don’t have the “shorts” part so it looks off. Well, more off than “thongs over your tights” normally looks.

Billy & Dunn start us off, Dunn doing a “whiny heel escapes” act, Dunn getting a dirty break in the ropes but ending up in the time-wasting pithold guys always did in slack matches. Dunn eats the double Russian legsweep and we’re back from break with Well twisting Bart in a neckvice. Bart gets slammed on the floor as Monsoon admires their continuity & conditioning as a jovial color man to Jim Ross. Bart tries to counter a sleeper but gets double-teamed a bunch, then a collision sets off dual tags. Billy’s hot tag draws squeals from what is probably canned heat since the fans aren’t moving on camera, but his ten punches in the corner finally excite some of them, and he catches Dunn’s sneak attack by leaping off Bret’s rope into him. But he sails to the floor trying a crossbody, but Bart runs in and leads them on a chase that sees them collide. Everyone fights outside the ring, but Bart cleverly slides Billy in for the Count-Out win at (7:04). hahah gotta keep WELL DUNN strong! A pretty slack-ass “hey we gotta work a big match soon, okay?” match, as the non-finish means nobody’s trying super-hard and mostly doing restholds into short bursts of contact. The Gunns mostly looked okay but uninteresting, as was usual (they were at this point the 2nd-tier babyface team behind the Steiners).

Rating: *3/4 (your very typical WWF TV match- slowly worked with a modicum of double-teaming)

JUSHIN THUNDER LIGER vs. MASANOBU FUCHI:
(All Japan, Tokyo Dome, 1.28/2001)
* WOOOOOOOOOOOO it’s two completely divergent Junior Heavyweight legends! Liger is the ultimate Japanese Junior, making a legend of himself through countless years of great matches with all sorts of opponents. Fuchi is an All Japan ’80s star who turned into an absolute SHITHEEL defending Ace, Jumbo Tsuruta, from the upstart kids on his lawn (Mitsuharu Misawa & his buddies). Fuchi is an all-time dirtbag cheater, fighting dirty, throwing punches to helpless opponents, and running away out of cowardice when confronted. He was passed his physical prime in *1991* much less this 2001 show, which featured All Japan vs. New Japan matches. Liger’s wearing a cool black & white variant of his gear like he has the Venom Symbiote or something, while Fuchi comes down to “DANGER ZONE” by Kenny Loggins! He’s 47 years old or so, here, keep in mind. He looks soft and doughy here, but not as bad as Ric Flair at this age, and has the “80s All Japan” look of plain black trunks & white/black boots with a “nerd swoop” hairstyle. Liger has a “snarly face” on his mask with his mouth poking through just barely, and Fuchi looks at his foe with amusement.

Both are aged but know how to work, as they put on a tenacious lockup and Liger responds to a rope break by slapping Fuchi on the tit, drawing an unamused reaction. Fuchi responds with a boot and a Jumbo-style “enhanced bodyslam”. A simple facelock has Liger snarling and pounding his feet as he tries to escape, as Fuchi has a shoot-style twist on it, even repositioning and reapplying his grip when Liger won’t quit, then twisting to the other side (putting over the hold by showing it’s exhausting for the user as well). Fuchi finally releases and steps on Liger’s face to be an asshole then drops him balls-first on the top rope, and we have our story- Fuchi’s a dick but can matwrestle like a motherfucker, and Liger is emotional and smaller and gonna have to work around this. Fuchi works an ankle twist AJPW-style, switching grips and using leverage whenever possible to make it “easier on him” to apply it. STF keeps it up, plus a camel clutch, but when he finally rolls to his back Liger springs out and is PISSED, so he just fires off chop after chop in a fury to sell the frustration, haha. And then Fuchi becomes my hero by doing the goofiest cartoon sell of a kneelift in history, literally spinning around twice doing baby-steps and then forward-rolling over LMAO. Dude knows to sell it like a cartoonish twerp after all that work.

Good old rule-abiding Fuchi cheering himself on.

Liger tries to add his own mat torture but Fuchi’s better at it, so is able to pick his ankle and slowly turn it into his own hold. He chokes Liger in the ropes, then bow & arrows him over the corner ropes and cheers to the fans! I love how this is basically resting but it’s him being a dick so it’s still working. Extra points for cheering to the fans like “YEAAAAHHHHH I’m doing an awesome thing!”. Fuchi works the ribs and hits a Karelin lift, but as he tries another hold Liger spins him into a jujigatame (veteran move- Fuchi’s way into the ropes so “accidentally” slides out diagonally while selling so he has to writhe in pain a bit before making them properly)- better still, Liger won’t break and now earns BOOS despite Fuchi being an unreasonable prick all match long. Liger roars to life and slaps away at him, but charges into a boot (twice!) and eats a backdrop suplex, then counters with a shotei palm strike into a double-down. Fuchi pulls the ropes down on a Liger charge to buy himself more recovery time and Liger counters a suplex on the floor, and a basic-ass flying plancha draws a big reaction! Our first highspot but the fans have been hot all match long (unlike a LOT of Junior-style matches). Liger gets a Running Shotei into a Frog Splash for two in the ring, but tries a Brainbuster and Fuchi rolls him into a Fujiwara attempt, Liger rolling through but ending up in a Cobra Clutch against Fuchi’s knee (Giant Backbreaker- Baba’s old move) until he eyerakes out of it (more heeling!). Fuchi lands the Kick of Fear/Backdrop combo again and Liger collapses, leading to Fuchi roaring to life, sweating like crazy and looking exhausted. Another huge Backdrop has Liger rolling over on the bump.

Fuchi’s response to an opponent in pain.

Fuchi’s smirk is TREMENDOUS as he sees Liger writhing in pain. He hauls him up by the belt and is like “NOW IT’S OVER!” and draws a huge pop for his same-old Backdrop Suplex, but only gets two! Fuchi, initially amused and confident, is now like “…. SHIT” and is out of ideas, so he just tries another count. Huffing and puffing, he has to choice but to try it again, and Liger elbows free. Liger tries a German but we see a FUCHIZUIGIRI! But he’s got nothing much left and Liger knows it- Fuchi tries an Irish whip but Liger just counters it, trips him, and hits La Majistral for the pin at (18:04), Fuchi not having enough “go” left to kick out.

haha this was GREAT. Fuchi is old as shit and running outta gas by the end, but knows how to work in all the TRULY important ways and so the match is still excellent, ruled by him being a supreme dick but having “home field advantage” so he can get cheers even for standing on Liger in the ropes or choking him. And Liger knows this too, so he can eyegouge out of holds to needle those same biased fans. And since Liger is losing, he knows to generously give up like 80% of the match’s offense, because this only makes his victory look more compelling after he took so much punishment. And being able to kick out of multiple backdrop suplexes is a pretty big deal, as Fuchi proves he can’t hold Liger down no matter WHAT he does, so he runs out of gas and can’t think of other shit to try. And while he out-gamed Liger all match long, Liger is still younger, faster, and more explosive. And the fans responded for the whole thing- they are infamously quiet in the Dome for Junior matches, which I think people debate on but I suspect is due to the fact that they use matwork in a very perfunctory way and lack character stuff in the same was as the Heavies, relying on the crazy moves and high spots, so the fans are “trained” to pop only for those when Juniors come out. Fuchi & Liger know how to dick it up, keeping the fans active for the whole thing.

Rating: ***3/4 (a great example of how slow, sure character work can make a match great)

Indie Sleaze: American Style.

You know it’s gonna be good when the uploader misspells one of their names.

CEREAL MAN vs. RICKY TENACIOUS:
(Hood Slam, 2023)
* Something I’ve always wanted to try was going through the lists of PWI 500s and finding every #500 guy and reviewing a match that would invariably be the US version of Indie Sleaze. Tragically I can’t find a list of all the 500s online anywhere I look (pleeeeeeeeeeease give me a link if you can). It’s almost customary for #500 to be some purely idiotic indie gimmick. Hence 2025’s inductee via our own Benjamin Kellogg- Cereal Man! Who is of course a semi-buff short guy in a variable Superhero costume that changes from video to video, always with a “Cereal Box” mask adjusted to whatever mascot he’s evoking- this one is a tiger-print one-piece suit with a tiger Furry mask. Obviously evoking Tony the Tiger, whose wrestling credentials are deep (WCW announcer Lee Marshall was Tony’s voice for years). Of course he’s coming out to Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out For a Hero”. And his opponent is fellow indie struggler, Ricky Tenacious- a guy… clearly ripping off Dalton Castle? I mean he’s got the onesie and the flamboyant dance moves. Here he’s coming out to “Eat It” (yes, not “Beat It” but the Weird Al version) and sashaying around in a gold disco-era bodysuit. He’s somehow totally chubby yet has an upsettingly flat ass, suggesting zero athleticism at all. oh god now he gets the mic and starts singing along to the song. Okay that version & video rules but why is he singing TO FOOD about eating food? I QUESTION this psychology! Boy there’s gonna be egg on my face if this turns out to be a ****+ classic.

Alas, I can’t make sense of Ricky’s pre-match promo due to bad acoustics/recording so I must skip to the match. It occurs to me that having a box of cereal for a head may affect the execution of some moves to Cereal Man. And make escaping certain holds more difficult. Ricky attempts to engage Cereal Man in a SINGING CONTEST but Cereal Man’s arm-flailing accidentally hits Ricky in the throat, creating even more stalling. Cereal Man gesticulates to the ref such that he throat-shots poor Ricky AGAIN, sending him bouncing into all the ropes. He hits a stungun, but Ricky distracts the ref and kicks Cereal Man in the balls and jaw-jacks him, sending Cereal into the old “walk in place then fakely fall backwards” bump. Ricky sashays around the ring before hitting a splash and flipping off the fans. He throws a kick at a fan for touching him and hanging onto the bottom rope, so they go to the other side of the ring while the ref yells at the douche and his girlfriend tries to warn him herself, haha. Ricky sashays in with a punch, but Cereal punches him to come back. Ricky “flips” upside-down in the ropes and sings “Fly Me To The Mooon!” before hitting a double axehandle, sending Cereal into some stumbling bumps as the cameraman misses what I think is the fan getting ejected or moved aside cuz he turns around at one point and disappears.

Ricky “beats on” Cereal Man and puts on a TITTY TWISTER, but Cereal Man begins no-selling it (man and you thought Moxley was bad) and gives him a taste of his own nipply medicine. Ricky ducks a slow-motion clothesline and sleeperholds him, but Cereal Man fights back with elbows that couldn’t fold a pillow and some running headbutts with his cereal box head. An airplane spin has the ref ducking for his life, but both men are dizzed and Cereal Man trips over the bumped ref and headbutts Ricky in the nuts. Cereal Man climbs the ropes but crotches himself by accident, leading to Ricky pulling out a box of TOASTED OATS, which he uses as a weapon and then pours on the mat (“YOU SICK FUCK! YOU SICK FUCK!” chant the fans in the best bit of the match), but can’t get a superplex- he’s shoved off and takes a flying crossbody INTO THE OATS and writhes in agony, but manages to hit a rolling Flatliner for a double-down. Ricky, with oats in his top, TAKES IT OFF OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOO, revealing triangular chubby guy titties, and misses a running elbowdrop. A Diamond Cutter ALSO misses, seeing him splat on the oats, and Cereal Man watches him teeter and teeter, nearly falling into them, but pulls him back from the bring for a hug. But HE WAS JUST JOSHING- he hits a belly-to-belly on the oats, and finishes with a running legdrop at (11:04), Cereal Man vanquishing his opponent.

See this is why Dino Bravo/Giant Warrior can’t earn a DUD, lol. They stalled and wrestled like shit but at least they didn’t annihilate all suspension of disbelief and have a dumb comedy match full of titty-twisters and obviously whiffed punches, guys taking cartoonish “windmill arm” bumps and then a dramatic series of counters over a pile of toasted oats on the mat. I would imagine having a giant rectangular head would impact his wrestling ability, but Cereal Man essentially forced his opponent to do EVERYTHING, from schtick to stalling to prancing around, just to cover for him. Cereal Man only does like 3-4 moves all match long and worse still, exhibits no charisma nor actual comedic timing- he should be pulling off wacky taunts, doing “Powdered… Toast… MANNNNN!” yelling, or anything at all- this was essentially a broomstick match and Tenacious was ALSO bad. As an Indie Comedy Match it’d have been better at 7-8 minutes instead of 11, as this just leads to lots of stalling and attempts at ACTUALLY wrestling, which are of course disastrous.

Rating: DUD (I mean you know it was gonna be bad but it was also LONG and bad, haha)