Hulk Hogan & Bret Hart vs. Sting & The Ultimate Warrior (and more Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a REAL dream match for you! …. on paper! See, it’s BRET HART and HULK FREAKING HOGAN against THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR and STING, which is like the all-time Dream Match… if it’s 1992 and none of them suck yet! Four huge main eventers in the business! Except 2 are totally washed-up, 2 have no heart left in them, and it’s a WCW Nitro main event from 1997-99 so you KNOW what’s going to happen. All to build for a PPV and mess with Vince’s RAW opposition! Then another Nitro main event from 1998, as the Giant faces WCW Champion Bill Goldberg!

Next up, it’s a new project I wanted to try… finding the PWI 500s full list (thank you, Kat Borne! I didn’t realize they were on Cagematch!) and doing matches featuring the guys in the #500 spot for each year! You can find some REAL drek in the last 20-25 numbers of these things, let me tell you! But also some future greats! On that note, come watch MORGUS THE MANIAC, #500 from 1992, take on Cactus Jack himself in 1991 WWA at Camden Community College! Both guys who “total psychotic nutjob” gimmicks, Morgus like an actual psychiatric patient, as Cactus prepares to head to WCW! Next up it’s #500 from 1993, Don E. Allen, notable ECW shinky-dink jobber! Here, he takes on 1980s WWF jobber Sal Bellomo in a squash, then teams with DUANE GILL of all people to job to The Public Enemy!

WARRIOR & STING vs. HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN & BRET “HITMAN” HART:
(WCW Nitro, Oct. 12th 1998)
* The most WCW thing imaginable- on paper one of the biggest Dream Matches of all time with four huge stars in it… but it’s WCW in late 1998 on a Nitro main event so it’s guaranteed to be crap with a fuck finish and nobody would ever remember it. Bret is his usual douchey heel persona where he always looks amused with himself, already having been turned heel less than a year into his WCW career when he was the most talked about person in the business the previous fall. Hogan is washed, as is Warrior. And Sting is himself such a mess behind the scenes they turned him into a lobster version of his Crow self and dumped him into the nWo Wolfpac as a non-speaking guy. Michael Buffer says “Together for the first time in professional wrestling history” about the babyfaces, thus proving that his announcing is built on a HILL OF LIES. This is of course the reunion of the BLADE RUNNERS, as Sting & Warrior had come up together as rookie roid-monkeys Flash & Blast, then Rock & Sting. Importantly, this is an impromptu main event- Nitro was famous for announcing these day-of, as was WWF RAW, as the two relentlessly counter-programmed each other. Naturally, RAW tonight featured ANOTHER Superteam battle- Austin & The Rock faced Undertaker & Kane (which also, naturally, went to DQ, lol).

Mike Tenay of course immediately brings up Sting & Warrior’s history (though has the date wrong on when they stopped- they were teaming in 1986 still). Sting is in his black & red bodysuit with the lobster-red Crow facepaint & long hair, while Warrior has on jeans and boots with fringe, plus one of those badass graffiti longcoats he was wearing at the time. I mean, *I* thought they were cool back then. Hogan’s in black & Bret’s in the usual, never having updated his look for the new company.

Almost, fans. Almost.

Also:

We’re off, as Tony mocks Hogan for demanding STING after spending weeks crowing about how much he wants to fight Warrior (just “Warrior”, remember). And so we get the main event of last year’s Starrcade, but with Hogan trying a dirty break in the corner but Sting ducking his clothesline and blasting him down with one of his own, then inverted atomic dropping him and peppering him with overhands, sending Hogan flinging off his bandana and rolling over weakly to tag Bret. “Nitro Hogan” being such a pussy is always funny. Bret tries and immediately gets his ass kicked with the corner ten punches, but knows to wave Hogan in- this draws in Warrior (who is STILL WEARING HIS GODDAMN VEST. That’s really gonna mess up his famous mobility) so the heels get in some quality cheating- Hogan eats shit but Bret bags a distracted Sting to take the lead. Heenan says “the two HHs can work him over” and comically, Tenay sits there and surmises what he meant in real-time and says it out loud: “…Hollywood Hogan and Hitman Hart!”. “Can’t fool you!” says an annoyed Brain, haha. Bret hits his ab headbutt, ground elbow and his Bret elbow to Sting, then provokes Warrior like all “come on!” and slithers out through the side like a good heel so Hogan can come in and bag Sting again, then do his backrake. Hogan adds choking and they slam Sting in their corner repeatedly, and Bret hits a DDT for two. Warrior as corner-guy isn’t doing too bad- he’s all “Come on, Sting!” and briefly pumps his fist to try and get the fans into it. Bret is doing it real methodical, slapping on a Russian legsweep and repeated legdrops & elbows, even after Sting tries an inside cradle.

It’s so funny a match with this much star power in it is such nonsense with such poor heat.

Bret hits his pendulum backbreaker, but goes to the “only when he misses” version of the Bret elbow and WHIFF! Back bump for Bret! Bret tries to hold Sting off, but it’s hot tag Warrior! The crowd kinda/sorta reacts, bad as his angle has been, and Bret does a quality “OH NOOOOOO!” quiver of fear, but of course Warrior immediately runs PAST him and Bret has to pivot like a moron to eat his clothesline. And another! And the third big one! He pumps his arms for the press slam, the crowd only KINDA into it, but at least knows to turn his back to Hogan so the Hulkster can come in and cheap shot him. Warrior hunches over for a sec as Hogan stands there looking confused… and Warrior stands up and POINTS at him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Hogan’s reaction: literally leaps back with his hands up (“AAAAAH”), then, out loud, screams “OH NO!!” as dramatically as he can, in full hysterics. He begs off like the king of wiener mountain, but this immediately sends nWo Hollywood charging in- the Giant hits his headbutt to the back of Warrior’s head as fans are already tossing toilet paper rolls into the ring on this obvious nWo Fuck Finish at (5:53). Well ya knew that was coming- naturally there is only a single move of contact between Hogan & Warrior. The nWo beats up Warrior, who slumps to the floor all weak while the ring fills up with Magic Warrior Smoke, and this allows STING to come in all rejuvenated and kick nWo ass with his baseball bat, smashing Scott Steiner on the back, sending Scott Norton off with a shot to the legs, and Scorpion Death Dropping Vincent (naturally the lowest-tier goon eats the actual finisher). Warrior has to literally chase Hogan around the ring, unable to get any good shots in (thus looking like shit) and barely whips at him with Hogan’s weight belt as Bret just scoots out to avoid Sting. haha, I don’t know what’s funnier- Giant’s over the top “AHHHHHHHH!” sell of the belt or Bret leaving with a chair over his head for protection.

So this was WCW’s issue in a nutshell- main events that went nowhere and disappointed everyone, always ending up the same way- nWo run-in to cheat the fans out of a finish. This was obviously to juice a rating and “build anticipation” for the REAL fight, as Hogan smacks Warrior once and then flees before too much happens to him, so you buy the PPV and see the real fight there. Once again it’s hilarious how much of a pussy Hogan is on Nitros, all gulping and leaping back in mortal terror of his foes, and then PPV time comes and he’s this brave, braying, grizzled bad-ass, gobbling up offense and interrupting babyfaces so they look weak against him. It’s a very peculiar kind of selective selfishness. Warrior having to spend 5 minutes standing on the apron being provoked is probably the BEST use of him in the ring, but literally all he does is three clotheslines (the same offense he’s been using since 1988 at least) and then the match is over. The actual in-ring was fine, if uninteresting- solid heel tactics, babyface provocation, then a finish. Hogan was a lazybones and made Bret go through all his early-match routine on Sting, but as Bret was the only worker here who wasn’t … well, he was the LEAST of a shadow of himself of the four, it was probably the best decision for the in-ring, as Hogan was Mister Backrake/Choke around this time. The crowd, having sufficiently watched a year or so of nWo-themed Nitros by this point, was suitably half-bored and ready for the inevitable nWo run-in, so a match with this much name-value barely meant anything to THEM, either.

Rating: ** (sorta fine, barely built TV match that ends quickly)

This turned into “hand-drawn fan signs” week! This guy is not quite the artist the other one was.

WCW WORLD TITLE:
BILL GOLDBERG vs. THE GIANT (w/ The Disciple):
(WCW Nitro, Aug. 1yth 1998)
* These matches were always spectacle. Giant is nWo-aligned at this point and wants to win the belt for Hogan. In some great improv, he sees a fan with a rubber mask on his hand and “throttles” the mask just as a t-shirt hits him square on the noggin. He ignores it completely until unfolding it to reveal it’s an nWo shirt, and just goes “Need I say more? Need I say more?”. Rather unflappable. Goldberg takes an ETERNITY to come out- like 3 minutes after his music starts playing, he’s finally out, but the crowd is electric.

*WHAP!*

The Giant pulls a smart one as Goldberg looks away to hand his belt to the ref and just starts whaling away on him. Goldberg keeps interrupting him to fire back, but Giant finally scores a headbutt & big bodyslam. But Goldberg just no-sells it and uses one on HIM and the fans absolutely explode. Man this guy just had IT. Driving fans bonkers with a bodyslam in 1998. The Giant sells his lower back and gets up, looking a bit huffy as he circles the ring again, back at square one. They lock up, but Giant cleverly scoops his arm aside for a series of big knee smashes, finally hitting a Russian leg sweep (!) that looks like murder. Goldberg slowly gets up and does the twitchy-sell as Giant throws a headbutt, then another as Goldberg keeps trying to interrupt his offense for his own (a typical Goldbergian trait), and Giant tosses him for a double-team beating and amazingly the ref just lets this go on right in front of him- Goldberg reverses and shoves Giant into the post. Giant quickly fires back and suplexes Goldberg back into the ring (his feet are only like 3 feet from the opposite ropes, haha- the smaller WCW ring and height of these two!). But Goldberg just slowly gets up and hits the SPEAR! But the Disciple immediately runs in for the fuck finish at (3:22), even Goldberg not being immune to that nonsense. But he makes the fans happy by killing Disciple with the Spear/Jackhammer combo, only for Scott Hall to run in for a beating. But Kevin Nash makes the save, big booting Giant over the top rope (!), but holds Hall for Goldberg and ends up eating the Spear himself! Nash, of course, is up in literally seconds, in Goldberg’s face all enraged, and we’re out.

Match was the usual Goldberg faire- he eats a couple minutes of offense, twitch-selling and firing back elbows and kicks to constantly look like he’s fighting/ready to no-sell, the heel beats him down with a few moves, then turns around and eats the Spear. This had the typical nWo run-in finish, though. And of course Nash no-selling the move of the top guy in the company, haha.

Rating: *1/2 (too short to really be anything, but okay while it lasted)

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: MORGUS THE MANIAC:
#500 appearance: 1992 (#500 in 1992, #184 in 1993, #342 in 1994, #380 in 1995, #390 in 1996, #441 in 1997, #472 in 1998, #413 in 2000)
-Morgus the Maniac was actually remembered by some people when I brought him up in one of the BOD threads; he’s a classic indie wrestler with a simple gimmick- he’s an insane asylum patient coming to the ring with a straightjacket on, and is released so he can go wrestle. He actually got squashed by Terry Taylor in 1990 on NWA TV, and Ron Simmons a year later, but spends most of his time in the Eastern US indie scene, mostly in Mid Eastern Wrestling Federation, winning their belt occasionally (this brings him as high as *#185* in the PWI 500, which is normally reserved only for lower-end WWF & WCW guys and the occasional Japan midcarder they don’t know but held a belt or something. He has Cagematch bouts appearing until 2005.

CACTUS JACK (w/ The Creator) vs. MORGUS THE MANIAC:
(1991, WWA, Camden County College, NJ)
* Morgus of course comes out in a straightjacket, and is unlatched by a doctor or nurse. I will say he NAILS the gimmick- he’s not some frothing guy or a dude who clearly works out and is doing some random gimmick; he actually 100% looks like a real crazy person. Like a homeless guy who lives under a bridge and screams at imaginary friends all day long. That scraggly beard and haggard appearance make it seems like he lives ROUGH (he’s seriously supposed to be only THIRTY here). Like during the match he could actually stab Cactus with a needle or something. Cactus Jack at this point is largely “that indie guy who bumps like crazy” and might show up on tape trader comps or PWI, but isn’t a major deal yet. I’m told this promotion is Dennis Coralluzzo’s- an ECW competitor that led directly to the creation of Extreme Championship Wrestling by making Todd Gordon & Paul Heyman suspect he was going to grab power in the “new NWA”. Our commentators are actually Chris Cruise (yes, the low-rank WCW guy) and Mark Curtis (the WCW ref).

See, that dude looks legitimately sketchy and deranged. Full points.

Cactus jumps Morgus before the bell and fires away, but Morgus no-sells two turnbuckle shots and does the same move to Jack. Jack whips him off the ropes and they clothesline each other, then stand so Cactus can score a punch & choke Morgus out in the ropes and yell at the fans to cure them of their eerie silence. Cruise actually talks about how Cactus Jack is no longer an independent wrestler, as “he has just been signed by World Championship Wrestling”- a great moment for the business. Jack fires off a headbutt but sells the damage himself, Morgus hitting him with a leaping one but getting Flair Kicked and selling his nuts. Cactus bites and tears at him, raking the back and hitting the chinlock. Curtis takes the time to tell us the story of how in college, Jack (this version of Jack went to COLLEGE?) would put a girl, “drunk as she may be… on the bed” (“come on, now…”- a concerned Cruise), and “while most guys would take advantage of her, you know what Cactus did? He’d drop an elbow on her”. lol they were doing this kinda commentary in 1991? I mean he kept stumbling over his words so he sucks, but it’s pretty wild.

Jack beats on Morgus on the floor, even walloping him on the back with a chair, but does a full head shot and Morgus NO-SELLS IT, again doing that creepy, wide-eyed stare. He catches the next shot and bashes Jack with it, then smashes his own head into it repeatedly before tossing it away and kicking Jack’s ass some more. Morgus gets a good drive-by clothesline, but puts his head down and Jack comes back with his signature Flipover Clothesline to the floor. The Creator (who looks like Jerry Only of the Misfits in terms of makeup & hair… and has a cape) runs in and pushes his own man around, but throws a book-strike at Morgus and only blasts Jack, who no-sells it while Morgus beats Creator’s ass on the floor. And then the ending is weird, as Jack offers the DISINGENUOUS HANDSHAKE, Morgus ignores it, so Jack just boots him, hits a turnbuckle shot, then does his Double-Arm DDT for the win at (6:35). After the match, the Creator comes in to act like everything’s fine, shaking hands with Cactus, but Jack gives him the ol’ Paul Orndorff and turns the “double-arm raise” into a clothesline, leaving to applause for turning on his manager.

A bizarre, half-lazy half-risky indie nonsense match. Morgus looked like a stiff, awkwardly ambling about, but was admirably in character the whole time, completely looking like a crazy person, and the stuff with no-selling headshots was great. But they didn’t keep it up, as he’s arbitrarily sell SOME shots, and appeared to have no actual offense of his own. And the finish is sorta out of nowhere- “ah, fuck it- let’s just go home”. Then there’s the weird stuff with the manager on the floor. But Cactus was his usual self- the rope lariat with the double-bump and the finisher are both distinctive to him at this point, making himself a bit of a name on the scene until he was properly in the big two. The crowd went from silent to amused by Jack’s antics with the chair and such, so they accomplished their mission.

Rating: *1/4 (random indie nonsense but it was fine and had some funny bits)

Allen is so puny the REFEREE dwarfs him.

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500, Part 2: DON E. ALLEN:
#500 appearance: 1994 (#500 in 1996, #499 in 1995, #497 in 1996)
-Don E. Allen is mostly known as an ECW jobber, wrestling a handful of matches a year and almost never winning from 1991-96. He wrestled in other Philadephia indies once ECW stopped booking him, too, apparently never moving towns. He shows up in Trans World Wrestling Alliance, Tri-State Wrestling Alliance & American Championship Pro Wrestling- all nothing indies. Looks like he doesn’t start winning matches until 2005- like, on the value of his ECW name, lol? His Wikipedia page says he started in 1989, and he retired in 2011.

“WILDMAN” SAL BELLOMO vs. DON E. ALLEN:
(NWA Eastern Championship Wrestling, 1993)
* Bellomo is a bearded guy in a leather Roman Centurion outfit, and he’s now acting as Santa Claus, throwing teddy bears to the ECW Arena fans. This is WAY before ECW became “hardcore” and as gritty as it later became, as you can see by a mid-1980s WWF jobber being a babyface hero (a lot of early ECW names were washed up WWF guys- Bellomo had been wrestling for 20+ years by this point). Joey Styles has a different accent than he’d use in ECW later on- he was born in the Bronx but lived in Connecticut after middle school so I dunno. Joey declares that Sal is “a nice guy” until you get him mad. Allen has a solid “dweeb jobber” look- a black tank-top and red shorts. And you can tell right away why Allen never “made it”, as he’s a full head shorter than a 1984 WWF jobber.

Allen whips over real nice off an armdrag and complains of a hairpull, revealing that he’s also a foot shorter than the REFEREE. Sal actually DOES pull the hair the next time, which Styles suggests is a clever strategy now that the ref won’t buy it. Sal stomps on his fingers and dropkicks him, but Allen fires off overhand clubbing blows until Sal gets pissed off, dodges a charge, and throws a couple shots, makes some goofy “tongue-sticking out” faces and snapmares him into a Big Splash for three (5:50). Utter squash. And not a good one, either- the fans were dead silent for all of it and Sal came off like a phony “Crazy Guy” character- true crazy guys need to go WILD and be constantly moving- he came off like he was being lazy about it or would forget to do it until the end. Ya gotta BELIEVE YOUR GIMMICK, ya know? Look at Jack & Morgus above!

Rating: DUD (a very boring, forgettable squash match)

THE PUBLIC ENEMY (Flyboy Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge) vs. DON E. ALLEN & DUANE GILL:
(NWA Eastern Championship Wrestling, 1994)
* A tag squash, this time featuring TPE as they were slowly gaining credibility until people realized they had nothing! This also has a long hype video to Rob Zombie, featuring tons of clips of Sabu, the Tasmaniac, Road Warrior Hawk (not Animal… just Hawk), Woman in lingerie, Terry Funk and more. Mostly Sabu flips and stunts, though. TPE finally get a promo, and whine about their match’s airing being postponed, and cut some nonsensical screaming promo on Todd Gordon about it. They finally hit the ring in a bad mood and are ready to kill Allen, plus WWF jobber Duane Gill, who looks ENORMOUS next to Allen. Yes, shrimpy, harmless-looking Gillberg looks a head taller than Allen. Jobbery red singlet and bad blond skullet, too. TPE are in yellow shorts and purple & grey hoodies, looking like casual sports fans.

Allen takes a bad bump to the floor (hitting the apron then going ass-first) while Rocco chokes out Gill in the corner. Clipped to Grunge hitting Allen with a chair while Gill mounts a comeback on Rocco, but another clip sees Rocco FLING him back into the ring, Gill sailing halfway across before he bumps. Grunge sneaks in a clothesline to Gill, but he dodges Rocco’s corner attack and tags out. Allen immediately takes a beating with a dancing elbow from Rocco (lacerating his forehead), then Grunge lands Demolition Decapitation from the top rope and inverted DDTs him. Rocco finishes him with a somersault ass slam to the dick at (1:52). Tragically just a series of clips. Looked like they were being REALLY rough on Allen, though, manhandling him and stiffing him.

Rating: 1/4* (hard to assess “just a series of moves” stuff)