Jumbo Tsuruta vs. Steve Williams for the Triple Crown (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a big-time All Japan Triple Crown defense for you, as Steve Williams heads to All Japan and takes on JUMBO TSURUTA for the top crown in the promotion! Come see how the old lion takes on the new, young challenger! Then it’s a look at the MONGOLIAN MAULER, as some no-talent takes on a 1970s “Wildman” gimmick in 1990 and somehow gets a *WCW* run out of it, teaming up with Stunning Steve Austin against Brian Pillman & Dustin Rhodes! Oh and he is REALLY bad. Fascinatingly bad to the point where you actually learn a bit about how pro wrestling works and is planned because he keeps cocking it up! And I also found a squash he did against the future ROAD DOGG, Brian Armstrong! You gotta see this guy’s finisher.

Then more WCW squashes, as Disco Inferno faces Hardbody Harrison! Also the most WCW Thunder match possible, with Rick Fuller taking on Sick Boy! And finally, the PWI #500 guy of the week is 2016’s entrant Timmy Lou Retton, aka TIM, as he faces the entrant of 2017… “Progressive Liberal” Daniel Richards. Oh dear.

TRIPLE CROWN TITLES:
JUMBO TSURUTA vs. STEVE WILLIAMS:
(All Japan, July 28th 1991)
* Roy Lucier just uploaded this one recently! Steve Williams was the last truly big “Foreign Menace” guy added to All Japan’s main event scene (edit: forgot Vader, haha- that was much later!), following on the heels of Stan Hansen & Terry Gordy. An American with a great amateur career, he was obviously gonna get at least a look if he went to Japan, and he’d end up getting a way bigger push than he ever would have in the West, where his lack of charisma would kill him and his credentials meant very little. This will be an interesting dynamic- I’m used to seeing ’90s Jumbo as this grumpy bear attempting to get kids off his lawn- now he’s dealing with someone even stronger than himself. Both guys are in black trunks, Williams looking ridiculously broad and strong- just a wall of a man. Jumbo is much taller and doughier with age.

They start slow yet quickly, Williams snagging a waistlock but Jumbo holding his arm out with a hammerlock for a rope break. Williams takes him down and hooks the ankle, but Jumbo’s in the ropes- a double-knucklelock sees Jumbo use his knee on Steve’s wrist to break his grip, letting Jumbo control with a wristlock, winning a chop fight in the meantime. Terry Gordy is seen watching from the locker room as Williams slowly works his way out, hooking the ankle- Jumbo’s in the ropes again. Jumbo manages a full nelson, but in a GREAT early big moment to set the stage for the match, Williams simply flexes really hard and breaks his grip, escaping and staring him down. Overpowering JUMBO was not a regular occurence in this company, let’s just say that. Jumbo, because he’s the best, looks a bit annoyed and repeatedly checks his fingers for signs of permanent injury as the crowds go “oohhhhhhhh” at that. They go head-to-head (literally) as another mat bit goes nowhere, and next time Steve just pops him with an elbow- he fires off more, but Jumbo stops a corner whip by putting his foot up and using the momentum to spin into an elbow! He fires off some more and is like “Come on!” to rally the fans… but turns right into a lariat as Williams absorbed it all! Jumbo keeps slapping his head to “get feeling back” as Williams slowly presses his lead, working Jumbo over, and a lariat off the ropes gets two. A chinlock follows, then Williams catches Jumbo charging in with a powerslam, deadlifting him after Jumbo doesn’t jump into it. Haha he’s a strong MFer. But he presses his luck too much, charging into a boot in the corner and Jumbo IMMEDIATELY loads up his elbow pad for the Jumbo Lariat!

Jumbo presses his lead slowly and carefully, smashing Williams and hitting a big boot. Williams hiptosses out of an abdominal stretch, but Jumbo cranks on a vicious necklock until Steve just punches him in the eye. haha, Gordian Knot, motherfucker. But Jumbo still manages a Jumping Knee/Backdrop Suplex combo for our first good count! But Jumbo finally gets careless and gets stungunned! Soon as he breaks his “slow & steady” pace Williams caught and planted him! An agonized Jumbo rolls to the floor, but Steve just drops him throat-first over the guardrail! Psychology! And he pulls up the mats and PILEDRIVES Jumbo on the floor! A HUGE move for the time! Jumbo is toasted, and barely kicks out in the ring, so Williams hits the Three Point Stance into the corner and climbs up, driving Jumbo to the mat with his knee in the back of the guy’s head. He’s working the brain! That gets two as Jumbo keeps holding his forehead and grimacing in agony. Williams pulls the damn cobra clutch out to try and work Jumbo down. Commentary complements the strategy of using “surprise attacks” to disrupt Jumbo but that it’ll take more, so he wears him down. Oklahoma Stampe– no, Jumbo gets behind him for a backdrop, but Steve lands on him and gets two. Mitsuharu Misawa is now watching, as Steve tries to put Jumbo away but now HE’s too aggressive again, and he charges right into the post!

Jumbo wants VENGEANCE, and works the injured shoulder by throwing him into the guardrail, then GRABS SOME CHAIRS, scaring the shit out of some poor girl in the front row (the guys around her of course find this hilarious)- sadly it’s a row of ’em so he drops it, shoves his shoulder into the post, then finds a solo chair and smashes him with it. And BLASTS him with another, still working that shoulder. He tries some armbreakers in the ring, choking up on the wrist again and again to absolutely crack him. But he starts drawing BOOS because he’s going out of control, slamming Steve’s shoulder into the announce table then smashing him with a chair repeatedly. He takes him down in a jujigatame of all things as the fans get behind Williams, and he manages to fight out and get a desperation lariat. They fight it out from the ground, and when Williams tries another Stampede, his arm “gives out” and Jumbo drops. Williams tries a lariat but Jumbo ducks and SMASHES him with a Jumping Knee- he tries to finish with another backdrop but Williams fights and claws his way out (I think he’s trying the “Flair kick” to the nuts but Jumbo either doesn’t get it or it’s just Steve flailing too much), but Jumbo finally fights him into a hellaciously vertical one on the neck and shoulders, and rolls over… for two? No, the ref stalls a second and calls for the bell (20:37)- it was 3.1! Ooh, rough ending- the fans held their breath and thought it was a kickout, too. Williams is angered after the match- commentary isn’t sure what he’s voicing but he’s clearly saying he kicked out to Jumbo, taunting him over it.

Jumbo is SO good. This match wasn’t the hardest worked or the most epic of all Triple Crown Title defenses and Williams has issues, but Jumbo does so many little things perfectly. I love him stopping his run with his foot, using it to pivot and power up a counter. Tthen Williams bowls him over with a lariat and he has to keep slapping his head to “get feeling back”. Jumbo just has this way of “plussing” every single motion. Like he’s constantly going “What should I do in this exact situation if it were a real, tactical struggle?” then “How can I make that BETTER?”. Most guys know to sell like “OW!” but very few check their fingers for signs of injury, try to slap their head to clear it of grogginess, or always choose the perfect counter at the perfect time. Like a body slam isn’t just a setup to another move he really wants to do, or “filler”- it’s a credible attempt at causing as much back pain as humanly possible, and wearing down the opponent. These armbreakers are the same- he doesn’t do them just to “wear down the arm”- he cranks on the wrist again and again to “build up” the move as if he wants to actually snap Steve’s arm with it, and make the final impact actually draw a POP for one of wrestling’s most mundane holds! He doesn’t just sell the impact of a strike, but its aftermath, like it has recurring damage that he’s trying to shake off. Absolute GOAT shit. And he’s quick to fix errors- there’s all kinds of little things that didn’t go right, here- he doesn’t know what Steve was trying so had to be deadlifted into a powerslam. The chairshot attempt failed the first try so Jumbo improvised another arm thing and found a solitary one instead. Steve’s arm slipped off on an armbreaker but Jumbo was able to recalibrate and do another.

Rating: ***3/4 (feels remarkably good and on the cusp of greatness- the young lion going after the old lion and doing so well the oldster pulls out all the stops and loses part of himself fighting dirty to win- but lots of little hiccups and Williams not really being DOCTOR DEATH quite yet hold it back)

TERRIBLE.

THE MONGOLIAN MAULER (aka Crazy Pete, Khalka Bater, Peter Flowers, El Mongol, Oscar Strongbo):
#500 appearance: N/A (#483 in 1992, #257 in 1993, #346 in 1994, #493 in 1995)

-The Mongolian Mauler is one of those ANCIENT indie gimmicks in small promotions, so of course was a 1990s guy. Peter Miller got started in Vancouver’s weaksauce All-Star Wrestling as Peter Flowers in the early 1980s, but around 1989 comes up with the “Mongolian Mauler” gimmick- shaving his head except for a tiny “point” of hair on the top, wearing black contact lenses, and having pointy boots like the Iron Sheik. Clearly doing a “Foreign Madman” gimmick like The Missing Link and so many other wildmen before him. Naturally he claims to be Mongolian but is extremely clearly white. He did an FMW tour in 1990 (jobbing to Onita!), wrestled in the UK (fighting Steven Regal!), and then did EMLL as “El Mongol” working multimans against Konnan, Norman Smiley and the Guerreros in Mexico. He then shows up in 1994 WCW, wrestling only four matches before being given the heave-ho. Very strange career overall- Cagematch lists almost no American dates after 1990, like he shipped himself off to foreign countries as “Card Filler”. He looks awful but OMG I have to find all of that stuff! The Regal one’s on YouTube, too!

THE MONGOLIAN MAULER vs. BRIAN ARMSTRONG:
(WCW Saturday Night, Feb. 2nd 1994)
* Oh damn it’s a young ROAD DOGG (in a Ribera steakhouse jacket! Those are hard to get! Where did he get one as a ROOKIE?) and he’s taking on the Mauler! Mauler is “Mo”-level fat, where he’s too fat to be athletic or quick but not fat enough that he’s intimidating or can no-sell shoulderblocks. Brian is tall and lanky- the only one of Bullet Bob’s kids to get any height. He’s in faded American Flag trunks.

The Mauler easily shoves Brian down to start, then pulls the hair and does it again. Brian tries some shoulderblocks but Mauler no-sells them (… hey, he made a liar out of me!), then two dropkicks until a third drops him. Brian does his best Jim Powers impression as he pumps his fists, but tries a sunset flip and gets sat on. I love the 5’10” guy doing “Immovable Monster” spots. Mauler stands on him and his a clothesline, looking ungainly and ineffective, but misses a kneedrop. He lightly touches it once and that’s all the selling we get, as Brian does 10 punches in the corner, but runs into a boot. He lightly massages Brian’s titties with his fingers (haha WHAT?) in what was supposed to be a scratch but his fingers were just splayed out hahahahaah HOW THE FUCK DID THIS GUY MAKE WCW? Speaking of, he tries to whip Armstrong to the other corner, gets reversed, but walks out and Brian runs into his tits and sells, so he waves his hands up and down for a bit, then hits his finisher, a REGULAR-ASS ELBOWDROP, and pins him at (2:48).

Hahaha this suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. Mauler is that unique combination of clumsy, wimpy-looking and silly, as he isn’t scary, everything looks too soft and ineffective, and he can’t move around well. That guys like this are on the indies is unsurprising, but THIS IS WCW. WCW in early 1994 making a go of threatening the WWF and they have this indie loser out there hitting an elbowdrop to pin guys after flailing his arms around.

Rating: DUD (the Mauler is terrible and Road Dogg was never any good, much less when he was a skinny rookie)

STUNNING STEVE AUSTIN & THE MONGOLIAN MAULER (w/ Col. Rob Parker) vs. DUSTIN RHODES & FLYIN’ BRIAN:
(WCW Pro, March 19th 1994)
* lmaoooooooooooooo poor Austin. Three classic “Early ’90s WCW” talents and Austin gets stuck with the indie freak. Interestingly, everyone but Mauler would leave the company in 1995 for the WWF, too. Mauler immediately shows being unready for TV by hitting the apron on the hard camera side and having to be moved behind the post by the referee. Pillman’s in blue trunks, Brian red, Austin black & Mauler’s in his red gear. On commentary is the rare Gordon Solie/Larry Zbyszko/Dusty Rhodes team. The canned heat is INTENSE here.

Austin/Rhodes go and Austin is immediately AMAZING, blitzing all over the ring, crashing to the mat in a heap off Dustin’s elbows, and freaking out when he tries to tag Mauler, getting startled by his own partner and hitting the floor. Dustin goes with Mauler, and they slap each other’s chests before Mauler gets back body-dropped (haha he’s FAT- why are they doing that spot immediately?). Mauler no-sells some of Brian’s shoulderblocks but takes a corner cross-body and Austin saves. Austin suckers Brian with the DISINGENUOUS HANDSHAKE~ and dumps him, but gets backdropped on the floor and bounces all over the place, going to Dustin for a tag by accident. Brian with the tilt-a-whirl headscissors and Mauler comes in with no tag and has to awkwardly go back in for one (SOME WILDMAN) and man the talent difference is SO obvious as Mauler keeps hesitating or changing his mind mid-stream. He lands on his butt trying to squash Brian and gets beat up by Dustin, bungling a monkey-flip bump but bumping off a Flip Flop & Fly. Austin’s back in, Fuller distracting Dustin so he gets beat up and choked. Mauler with some awkward strikes and rope-running, dropping an elbow then a legdrop into the chinlock. An ugly bit on the floor has Dustin shove Austin into the guardrail. Mauler gets the tag but runs into the corner (Dustin barely looks like he deliberately moved and just kinda turns to one side and they brush by one another), Dustin hits a DDT, then Austin does a flying ass-slam into the ropes when Dustin dodges- hot tag Brian! He beats up Austin and powerslams him, clearly signaling Mauler to come in at the same time, but he’s so late that Austin kicks out and Mauler awkwardly has to just leave, hahah this guy suuuuuuuuuucks. And so Pillman SLAMS Austin and Mauler arbitrarily comes in so Dustin can do the finish and smash him, drawing the ref’s attention so Austin can grab WCW’s most lethal weapon, the EMPTY SHOE, and hit Brian coming off the top rope with hit, scoring the cheap pin at (11:37). “aaaaaaaaaw MAN” cries Solie as the heels take it.

Man, Austin was AMAZING at this point- it’s so clear we have a generational talent on our hands the way this guy is bouncing and bumping everywhere- he’s in that Shawn/Perfect tier of bumper, but less theatrical/overdoing it and more “confused, upset heel” (sort of like the perfect marriage of Tully & Perfect). Meanwhile you’ve got Mongolian Mauler being so incompetent he’s missing cues and everyone noticeably has to wrestle around him. He’s that rare level of “bad worker” where he actually exposes how the business ACTUALLY works, as you see the referee and the opposing wrestlers clearly signalling him for various things so he doesn’t fuck it up, YET HE STILL DOES.

Rating: ** (seems fine- good with Austin & Pillman in it, passable with Dustin, and bad with Mauler)

DISCO INFERNO vs. HARDBODY HARRISON:
(WCW Saturday Night, March 21st 1998)
* It’s Hardbody Harrison! Incredibly insane WCW jobber! Now in green tights (… with only one leg) with his beard and hair dyed blonde! haha he’s got the drooping steroids nips, too. Disco’s in orange.

It’s all schtick to begin with, Disco sorta grappling him and Hardbody complaining of a hairpull, then Disco bails after going nowhere. Disco wins an International with a clothesline and throws kicks, then a back elbow gets two. It’s always funny seeing how limited Disco was. Hardbody goes to the eyes and cranks on a headlock, but Disco gets a swinging neckbreaker & vertical suplex, but misses an axehandle off the second rope (this is mostly dark on YouTube, so thankfully Hudson was doing play-by-play), only to meet a charge with a shitty spinebuster, getting three (3:54). huh? Since when was Disco ending matches that way? Not a great match, but obviously there to let commentary discuss stuff.

Rating: 1/2* (nothing at all to it)

Blond Sick Boy. A true rarity! I care way too much about bullshit like this!

SICK BOY vs. RICK FULLER:
(WCW Thunder, July 15th 1999)
* The most “WCW Thunder” match imaginable sees the jobbers going at it- Sick Boy had been listless since the Flock broke up the year before while half of his partners got pushes, and appears here with a disinterested look and BLOND HAIR, which I never remember seeing. Fuller is dressed like a Monster energy drink can again. Sick Boy’s got black & white bicycle shorts on. This is his last match in WCW.

Fuller catches Sick Boy with a boot to the gut, but SB ducks a boot and goes for a headlock, but gets bounced off trying a shoulderblock. He does a Jumping Bomb Angels armdrag about as ungracefully as humanly possible without actually screwing it up and gets clotheslined down regardless. Fuller does a lax cover and some generic stuff, then Flair Tosses Sick Boy off the top. He whines about a cover after a legdrop and gets rolled up, but boots him down, just gobbling him up out here. Tenay even points this out, suggesting Sick Boy “use some of that techinical wrestling ability” to counter Fuller’s size. Oh yes, that famous technical wrestling ability of SICK BOY. Fuller dumps him and slaps him on the boob, then slowly works him over in the ring until the fans lose patience with his dull offense. Sick Boy lands on his face from a clothesline and this just goes ON as Tenay gets to mention the Insane Clown Posse, given the “Butcher and the Blade” treatment by Larry Zbyszko (“The WHO?” “The Insane Clown Posse- you’ve heard of them” “Oh OF COURSE- those famous insane clowns… do they DRESS like clowns?” before finally going “I’m sure they’re GREAT” with annoyance). Fuller his a backdrop suplex, but gets countered trying to biel Sick Boy off the top, taking a clunky bump. Sick Boy FINALLY gets more than one move in a row as he lands a slingshot back elbow and pumps his fists in triumph as his only reaction (did Jim Powers agent this match or something?). Fuller kicks out at ONE, and a standing wheel kick gets two, but Fuller ignores his corner punches and puts him up top on the other side, catching him with a One-Armed Powerbomb for the win (7:12). Oh man Sick Boy lost to RICK FULLER hahahaha- time to give it up!

Eeeesh- asking these two to fill seven minutes was ROUGH. Neither has the offense to last that long, so you got the dreaded “Walk & Stomp” because Tenay & Zbyszko had to do the “Angles of the Day” talk, with Fuller repeatedly stopping to yell at the fans, complain about counts, aimlessly choke Sick Boy in the ropes, etc. He was either told to eat this kid alive or got to call the match himself and did it selfishly because he gave Sick Boy NOTHING, as the poor guy spends his last WCW match selling and selling, then getting cut off every time he tries ANYTHING, Fuller hitting more boring offense. Oddly, this seems to be Fuller’s only WCW of the year, too, according to Cagematch. Sick Boy seemed to have no idea how to wrestle, either, just clunkily trying top-rope and slingshot moves without the athleticism required for them.

Rating: DUD (exceptionally long and very clunky)

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: TIMMY LOU RETTON (aka TIM):
#500 appearance: 2016 (#500 in 2016, #488 in 2017, #328 in 2020, #464 in 2021)

-Timmy Lou Retton, sometimes going by “Mr. 500” owing to getting #500 in 2016’s PWI 500, is a short, squat black guy with varying levels of obesity judging by YouTube clips, but he’s generally not looking in the best of shape. He professes to be an Olympic gymnast, with games held in Rio De Janeiro (hee), which explains why his name is a pun on Mary Lou Retton. He debuted in 2014 and still seems to wrestle, but never made it big. He’s one of those “Does 1-2 matches in 20 different promotions” guys, traveling around Georgia, North Carolina, Ohio and other places. He switches his ring name to TIM at some point in 2020 or so. Part of his thing is being short and doughy but hitting acrobatic offense you wouldn’t expect. Standing shooting stars & moonsaults, cartwheel handspring moves, etc. But he’s way skinnier in 2021-era stuff, looking more like a standard-issue jobber.

THIS WEEK’S PWI #500: DANIEL RICHARDS:
#500 appearance: 2017

-Richards is a very tall, skinny white Southern guy who’s wrestled since 2004 but never made it. He only makes one appearance on the PWI 500. Nearly every single match he’s in is from West Virginia… does he just not own a car? He appeared on CNN complaining he gets too much heat now for the gimmick. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED A POLITICAL GIMMICK WOULD BACKFIRE ON A WRESTLER!

TIMMY LOU RETTON vs. “PROGRESSIVE LIBERAL” DANIEL RICHARDS (w/ Valet):
(SCW, Glen Jean, West Viriginia, Feb. 14th 2016)
* oh dear, that name. Naturally playing up being a Liberal in an infamously hillbilly part of the world is a solid way to get heat, but is incredibly cringey to nearly everyone. He gets on the mic before the match and speaks in a huge Southern drawl, complaining that he can tell why country music appeals to these “bigoted” folks, because it’s slow and simple like them. He then turns to his lady valet and starts screaming at her for not helping him during matches, but forgives her (unlike the Southerners here, who go to church and merely PRETEND to show forgiveness, sez him), then gets down on one knee… and asks her to wear his new t-shirt. He then asks the fans to vote for Hillary and suggests Bernie Sanders would be a great Secretary of State. FINALLY, after 7 minutes of this, out comes Timmy Lou, a short black guy in a US flag bodysuit. oh god there’s more talking- he warns Timmy that “you’re not exactly the right COLOR for these people…”, drawing boos (“The only thing a bigot hates more than being called a bigot is black people”). Naturally the audience of 50% children probably doesn’t get ANY of this.

FINALLY the match starts. A simply horrible exchange of mat wrestling occurs, as Retton can’t do a drop-toehold into a “spin on top of the guy’s body” spot smoothly at all, and it looks like Richards can KINDA work but is too gangly, and Retton is very “stop and start” and obviously hasn’t had enough ring time. A record-breakingly bad Irish whip spot proves my point (stopping mid-way and then just pushing his shoulder), then Retton does a CARTWHEEL HANDSPRING CLOTHESLINE, somehow able to do this but not chain-wrestle properly. Richards jawjacks him and Retton is now selling total devastation, but he dumps Richards and hits a tope suicida, shoving him through the barricade… which is just some white tables turned on their sides hahahaha. There are two people filming this for close-ups for some reason- why isn’t that threaded into this stationary cam video? Doesn’t anyone here have an A/V degree?! Retton does a cartwheel back elbow for two, but gets distracted by Valet Girl and is choked out, stungunned and more, as Richards kills time. Retton takes the Bret Bump in the corner, Richards putting his feet on the ropes on the pin. Retton eventually fights out of a bodyscissors and hits a standing moonsault for two, tries another pin, then goes for a Lionsault but hits knees. A knee to the gut gets two, Richards selling it with a goofy chicken dance and he goes for ANOTHER bodyscissors, Retton fighting out, but his next cartwheel has Richards nail him. A backdrop facecrusher thingie follows, then a reverse bearhug with those pipecleaner arms. Real lethal, Richards. Retton comes back by backflipping over him and hitting one of those lame “off the second rope” falling Stunners, but Richards dropkicks him off the top… and accidentally slingshots onto his valet! Retton throws him back in and hits a swinging backflip neckbreaker for the win at (13:24).

Oh man, this was AWFUL, haha. Richards could sorta almost work if he wasn’t so lanky, but Retton was god-awful. Had to be led through anything, and it’s telling that every single decent-looking move he tried was a “the person is standing there waiting for it, so Timmy could do the move on his own time”. He noticeably doesn’t know how to actually CHAIN his stuff together or work with another person yet- shit that should have been stamped out in training (which should have been 2 years before this). So there’s lots of “stop and start”, sliding around each other, weakly getting into stuff, bad Irish whips, etc. I flipped through another couple Retton matches (oddly, most are from 2016) and he seemed better than THIS, though those are also very indieriffic-looking (this one features the commentators whining “the fans sitting there not makin’ no noise right now- must be a buncha idiots. They’re busting their asses right now”). I checked out Dan vs. Cowpoke Paul in VCW and it’s around as bad as this- Paul is a virtual midget and is having major issues wrestling around someone as tall as Dan, and both suck anyways so it’s horrendous, and they repeatedly bugger spots because of it, including Paul rolling up Dan out of The Liberal Agenda (a straightjacket neckbreaker thing).

Rating: DUD (the precise kind of match the NWA/Territory system would have stamped out way before guys made their debuts)