Articles by Jabroniville — page 2

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a pretty weird assortment, including a very early William Regal vs. Bryan Danielson match from all the way back in 2001!

Then it’s a great showcase of how messed-up the WWF was in 1997, as TOMMY ROGERS vs. BOBBY FULTON makes WWF RAW, because they need a Light Heavyweight Division and when Jim Cornette is on the booking committee that means putting the past-their-prime Fantastics against each other in front of a crowd who has no idea who they are to put over the idea of a division full of young death-defying high-fliers. 1997 WWF, everybody!

Then we hit the AWA in 1986 as top star Sgt. Slaughter, just getting his G.I. Joe fame takes on a very green John “The Barbarian” Nord! Then it’s over to Smoky Mountain Wrestling for a pair of Ladder Matches- one a hilariously-weaksauce house show version where the “ladder” is just a tiny stepladder, and the other a really good one in a big show for the promotion- both involve “Discarded Toys” from other companies- Tracy Smothers vs. Chris Candido! Come see Candido take the most exaggerated sell I’ve ever seen- one that would have Jim Cornette calling for a boycott if it happened today.

WILLIAM REGAL vs. “THE AMERICAN DRAGON” BRYAN DANIELSON:
(Memphis Championship Wrestling, May 5th 2001)
* Announced as the “WWF Commissioner”, Regal takes on Danielson, whom he’d have a hand in training. Bryan is unrecognizable as this fresh-faced young kid with short hair and… are those Midnight Express tights? They’re long blue tights with stars on them. Regal gives Bryan a chance to walk away, but Bryan says “I’m not a COWARD BRITON!”, which Regal actually sells like it stunned him. Bryan would get a bit better on the mic.

GAEA JAPAN (July 21st):
* So only two days after a major GAEA show propping up all their rookies in huge, hard-fought matches, here’s another show! Hey, why did their rookies get shitloads of injuries early on and most of them retire early, again? This one is interesting because it features a Pancrase Rules match where Toshiyo Yamada, more familiar with “Shoot-Style” wrestling, goes up against KAORU, who is the opposite sort of worker and has to adapt. Then it’s Chigusa Nagayo & a 3rd-year against two other 3rd-years in a “What have you learned?” match, and finally an interesting one where Yamada dresses up as Akira Hokuto’s masked identity and wrestles a completely opposite type of match herself. I mean, you don’t see THAT very often, and hell- it’s an impressive performance!

PANCRASE RULES:
KAORU vs. TOSHIYO YAMADA:
* Okay, so KAORU is wearing the GAEA kickpads Chigusa gifted her a few shows ago, so there’s continuity here. An all-new look for her, too, as she’s dropped the one-piece singlet look for a sports top and long shorts, plus has much shorter hair. And she’s up against the new big star of GAEA in Yamada, fresh from AJW. Both are in black in the same gear and OH, this is that Pancrase Rules match I read about on Quebrada.net! Okay, then. So Pancrase was a then-popular shootfight promotion, which a VERY controversial amount of works (those within it deny that there were many, but the fact that there were any AT ALL throws absolutely everything into question)… so this is fought like it’s UFC but it’s a work. Oh, and you get four rope-breaks before you lose.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a mish-mash of stuff, as I hit a bizarre contest from Germany, as Fit Finlay takes on DOINK THE CLOWN, Matt BorneI mean Steve Keirn, probably! Using the weird “4-minute rounds” CWA style! It’s super-weird.

Then it’s over to the WWF for a standard-issue “Dream Match” that is just Razor Ramon being super-generous in a bout against Virgil! Then over to WCW as the Steiner Brothers face Big Van Vader and Mr. Hughes in a big “Steiners Tossing Around Monsters” match that ends a lot differently than I expected! And it’s a WrestleMania rematch, as Owen Hart takes on Skinner in the latter’s final TV appearance in 1993!

Then I pack the back end of this one with the WWF Light Heavyweight Title Tournament. Most of it’s not on the free video-sharing sites in full, so I didn’t want to do a whole review just on those- WWE put up the final 2 minutes of most matches on their own YouTube channel and that’s it. But I did manage a complete review of Aguila (Essa Rios) vs. Super Loco (Super Crazy)! Also, come see indie dorks like Flash Flanagan, Devon Storm & Eric Shelley on WWF TV in 1997!

CWA INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE:
4 MINUTE ROUNDS:
FIT FINLAY vs. DOINK THE CLOWN:
(Wales, 17/12/1994)
* Oh yes, DOINK vs. FIT FINLAY in GERMANY. This was requested ages ago by Manjiimmortal but I forgot to put it on my To-Do List for some reason- checking an old column reminded me of it. Doink gets roundly booed, while “Mr. Fit Finlay” is wildly popular. He’s a bit skinnier than he was in WCW, with a horrible moustache and mullet. Doink I thought was Matt Borne here, given the era- his droopy clown hair gives him a creepy vibe, and the sarcastic “not gonna cheer me? SHUCKS!” reaction is what made me sure it was him, but apparently it’s Steve Keirn. The ring announcements are in German, which I mistook for Welsh as I knew Fit Finlay was a big star there, which is totally funny because I often forget that there’s people all “wwyllechw2fflewunfummuwfurwurrr” and shit over in England despite it being all English and stuff.

GAEA JAPAN- THE SECOND JUNIOR ALL-STAR:
(June 19th 1997)
* A big GAEA show from June 19th, showcasing a lot of their rookies, and those from other companies. Interpromotional Rookie Mayhem abounds! Toshie Uematsu defends the WCW Cruiserweight Title against AJW’s Yoshiko Tamura, in the most effort either has shown to this level! Several people have REALLY good tag team matches while you get to see others have the same type of match with way less experience, so you can weigh just how much such things count, haha. But really, it’s like several versions of the “Flair/Steamboat of Inexperienced Rookie Matches”.

This ends up being a MONSTER review, oddly, because there’s just so many damn matches on it, and many are quite long.

SAKURA HIROTA, RINA ISHII & HIROMI KATO (GAEA Japan) vs. NANA FUJIMURA, AYA KOYAMA & MIHO KAWASAKI (Big Japan):
* hahah, good lord! BIG JAPAN of all companies had a women’s division! Mostly known for its deathmatches, Big Japan was Indie Sleaze personified from everything I’ve seen. It now sends its rookies (whom I’ve never seen before) to wrestle GAEA’s most minor recurring wrestlers. Sakura’s in pink, Rina’s in orange, Kato’s in black, Nana’s in black (but with armbands!), Toyama’s in floral-printed white & Miho’s in baggy red pants and a white t-shirt.

JOSHI SPOTLIGHT- UTAKO HOZUMI:
Billed Height & Weight: 5’2″ 117 lbs.
Career Length: 1989-1994

-One of the “forgotten wrestlers”, Utako Hozumi has the bad luck of wrestling for Ladies Legend Pro Wrestling (LLPW), the least-hyped and popular women’s companies of 1990s Japan. Performing as an “Idol”-type wrestler, she was fairly undersized and not that experienced, and never quite got out of the midcard before she retired.

Having watched a lot of her stuff, she was… fine. She needed to be carried against anyone good but she could hold up her end of a match and at least TRIED to have a character, unlike a lot of others in her company who were just kind of “there”. Mike Lorefice once bemoaned how “Hozumi is one of the marketable talents LLPW managed to completely squander. One would think a league where none of the stars had any sex appeal might do someone with one of the best looking women ever to compete, especially since she was also a good wrestler. Hozumi was a better worker than Cuty Suzuki, who was so crucial to JWP becoming the more watched promotion once the original league splintered into two.”

I was only barely paying attention to TNA during AMW’s peak, but I remember them getting a lot of hype, especially as WWE was ignoring tags at the time. I know one went on to more success and the other got fat and faded away. Was this the peak of both guys?

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I start off with a pretty notable TNA match, as their first Steel Cage Match takes place between tag team rivals Triple X (Christopher Daniels & Elix Skipper) and America’s Most Wanted (James Storm & Chris Harris)! Come see Elix Skipper be a spot machine, Daniels be smart, and AMW show how they ended up being one of the most talked-about acts of 2003!

Then it’s over to Stampede Wrestling, as we have insanity as CHRIS BENOIT & DAVEY-BOY SMITH make the same team, allying with Brian Pillman & Rob Ritchie against Makhan Singh (Bastian Booger), Volkan Singh (Gary Albright), Great Gama (whose last name is literally also “Singh”) and Larry Cameron in an ultra-clipped Elimination Tag match! And another match from “Dream Matches MVP” Blake Beverly as he takes on Virgil in Aug. 1993! And finally, it’s William Regal versus RECKLESS YOUTH, as the indie wunderkind who just copied his Japan wrestling tapes faces the soon-to-the-WWF guy in 2000!

NWA TAG TEAM TITLES:
STEEL CAGE MATCH:
TRIPLE X (“The Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels & “Prime Time” Elix Skipper) vs. AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (“Cowboy” James Storm & “Wildcat” Chris Harris):
(NWA TNA, Weekly PPV 6/25/2003)
* So this is a big deal in TNA’s history- their first Steel Cage match, featuring their top two teams at the time. AMW was a big deal for them, as two singles guys got slapped together and turned into a heckuva duo, while Triple X were three of the flashiest guys at the time doing a “Freebirds Rule” gimmick- Daniels was one of the “under-utilized” guys of the time, having ****-ish matches but never getting sniffed by WWE (probably because he was both quite short AND weirdly skinny, with an elongated head & torso), while Skipper was a major spot-machine and was also stuck in TNA during its formative years, and ended up lacking the pedigree of the other fast-paced guys of the era like Low-Ki & AJ Styles, despite being more acrobatic than either. Not here is Low-Ki. Both teams were in a long-running feud over the NWA Tag Belts, Triple X being 4-0 but always due to outside interference- hence the cage match. Mike Tenay & Don West thankfully explain the whole story in the prelude. AMW are in blue trunks, and Triple X are in black shorts.

GAEA JAPAN- PERFECT GAME:
(May 5th 1997)
* It’s another GAEA Japan show from the Champ Forum TV show, but only two matches from it ended up on their YouTube channel. We miss what’s apparently a pretty good Akira Hokuto vs. KAORU match, possibly ending their feud that was materializing earlier in the year. Mike Lorefice says it was Hokuto’s best match of the year, even though “KAORU is just a spot machine”.

Following that, it’s some stuff from early July, though the next review later this week will sport the full July 19th show- a pretty big one for GAEA.

CHIGUSA NAGAYO vs. KAORU:
* The two top originals in GAEA fight once again! Actually they were hesitant to run this for a while at first because they were the only two actual stars there, but now that Hokuto is here it’s probably fine. Chigusa appears to have more professionally-made gear than her kinda messy usual- more streamlined tonight with the black & red and the gold stars. KAORU’s in white.

Repo Man is a veritable fountain of horrible matches that are somehow also amazingly fun to watch- a rare talent!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have another assortment of weird stuff from various promotions, starting off with a classic “Roddy gobbles up his opponent” match as “Rowdy” Roddy Piper defends his Intercontinental Title against Repo Man, in a match based around Repo swiping a ringside lady’s watch!

Following that, I finally investigate a question I’ve always had: Were Doug Basham & The Damaja actually any good? Both were bland-ass forgotten wrestlers in WWE and never made an impact on the wrestling business, but Jim Cornette adored them in OVW and I swear I’ve heard some people fanboy for them as true lost gems. As such, I check out their final match in Ohio Valley Wrestling for the OVW Title! Then it’s more of “Dream Matches MVP” Blake Beverly as he faces Mr. Perfect! Then it’s back to Dragon Gate, as I try to find more of their solo matches- this one is CIMA vs. Sumo Dandy Fuji in a Hair vs. Hair Match!

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE:
“ROWDY” RODDY PIPER vs. REPO MAN:
(WWF MSG, Feb. 1992)
* Oh damn! You don’t often see Roddy Piper taking on lower-midcarders- these are always totally one-sided and humiliating. I love it! Repo Man is hilariously skulking along, looking shorter than every single ring attendant despite being like 6’3″ legit, then POCKETS A LADY’S WATCH while hugging her and how did this gimmick not make millions? She’s now on camera screaming “I want my watch back, thief!” while Heenan suggests she was just behind on payments (“What’s the matter- didn’t her husband have a good enough job?”). Now the lady sics Piper on him and Monsoon backs her up (“Her husband’s a deadbeat!” cries Heenan).

JWP IN MAY 1997:
* So “1997- The Year Joshi Was Cursed” is assuredly a thing, as not only does AJW go bankrupt, but JWP becomes one of the only companies to have an active wrestler die of an injury in the ring. This is three matches featuring what was going on in Japan Women’s Pro-Wrestling in 1997! All with the standard “gotta go to 20+ minutes” JWP effect, but there’s good effort throughout, including a big Dream Match as Jaguar Yokota & Devil Masami form an ’80s Superteam up against Dynamite Kansai & Candy Okutsu!

Also, tragically, this is the last Plum Mariko match ever recorded, as she wrestles in a very good tag match alongside Cutie Suzuki against the JWP Tag Champions, Hikari Fukuoka & Devil.

And AEW fans might get a kick out of seeing AEW star Emi Sakura in her rookie years as she joins a trios match!

DYNAMITE KANSAI, SARI OSUMI & EMI MOTOKAWA (IWA Japan) vs. CANDY OKUTSU, COMMAND BOLSHOI & TOMOKO MIYAGUCHI:
(May 10th 1997)
* It’s an interesting trios match, with the former Ace teaming with two barely-trained jobbers against Candy & Bolshoi, who are way beneath Kansai but far above the jobbers, and Miyaguchi (the future Ran Yu-Yu, which I keep having to remind myself). Also Emi, currently a second-year, is the future “Emi Sakura” and is currently an IWA-Japan wrestler. The psychology here will be interesting, as Kansai can annihilate anyone here, but her partners are weaksauce and can easily be beaten by any of the three opponents. Kansai’s in black w/ neon yellow, Sari’s in a jobber swimsuit with green leaves on dark green, Emi’s in black & orange (with a sorta-skirt), Candy’s in black, Bolshoi’s in an extremely elaborate pink/blue/black bodysuit & Miyaguchi’s in white with red.

I always wonder how you should rate this guy’s look. I mean he’s so big he makes 300-lb. men look like small children, so he’d be a 10/10 in “Look”… but he’s so skinny and awkward looking.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time it’s another smattering of random WWF, ECW & WCW stuff, starting with a match I had no idea existed from 1992 WCW as Cactus Jack has to try and make a match work against EL GIGANTE, the most hopeless in-ring guy to ever live! Then it’s over to ECW as Stan Hansen of all people shows up, and he’s immediately put up against jobber duo Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal!

Then a very “1993 WWF” match as Tatanka takes on Mr. Hughes! WWF’s Light Heavyweight Division heats up as heatless heel Brian Christopher gets put up against his Player Two version and future tag team partner, Scott Taylor! And finally, it’s the first-ever Scaffold Match in wrestling as Jerry Jarrett faces Don Green in Kentucky- a request since Jerry has died fairly recently.

CACTUS JACK vs. EL GIGANTE:
(WCW Pro, Jan. 18th 1992)
* Oh yeah, this is the good shit- WCW in the early ’90s isn’t the fountain of “Wait, that happened?” nonsense as other promotions but MICK FOLEY vs. JORGE GONZALEZ? That will do nicely. Cactus Jack is coming down to a slow piano version of the “Funeral March” here, while El Gigante, in his black bicycle shorts, somehow looks like a giant dork despite making his 290-lb. opponent look like a small child. Gigante’s sporting a bandage on his face owing to a scrap with Vader in Japan.

JOSHI SPOTLIGHT- COMBAT TOYODA:
Real Name: Noriyo Toyoda
Billed Height & Weight: 5’6″ 195 lbs.
Career Length: 1986-88 (let go from AJW), 1990-1996 (FMW)

-Megumi Kudo’s great rival and partner, Combat Toyoda is the OTHER “Good Female FMW Wrestler”, and the most unfortunate thing about her is her entire career runs the length of Aja Kong’s, who did exactly what she did but was better in every way because Aja’s one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, while Combat was merely “very good”. But Combat herself has a match many would consider *****- and in her RETIREMENT match- the No Ropes Exploding Barbed Wire Deathmatch against Kudo herself!

As the other big female star in Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling (FMW), Combat was a perfect rival to Kudo, who was pretty, slender and sympathetic. A big, mean powerhouse, Toyoda could launch people around, defiantly no-sell, and believably crush opposition. Combat was really good as the “Monster”-style worker, particularly because she had one of the most important things a Monster needs: SELLING ABILITY. Underrated since by all rights, Monsters are defined by the difficulty in getting them to sell at all, but it’s the timing of said selling that makes it work. Combat was really good at no-selling, but only up to a point- it’s when you start selling the fourth and fifth attack that the fans start to react, as even by ignoring the first couple, you’ve “put over” your opponent by going “HOLY SHIT- that one actually hurt!” to their last shot. She doesn’t just gobble people up- like the best Monsters, she eats offense and sells when it’s time to, and makes it look like her opponent has a chance.

You know it’s 1997 WWF when THESE two show up!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, we have a wild assortment, as I found another Bowl Match from the WWF! A sequel to the “RAW Bowl” where everyone was in football gear, this one is classic 1997, as it’s Owen Hart & British Bulldog vs. The Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon vs. Faarooq & Crush in a 4-way elimination tag match!

A weird mish-mash bout from 1993 WCW sees a young BABYFACE Steve Regal take on The Barbarian! More of Devon Storm and Ace Darling as they form “The Extremists” and hit WCW as a pair of jobbers against The Public Enemy! A palette cleanser from that as babyface Kona Crush takes on “Dream Matches” MVP, Blake Beverly! And we end things with a great example of the Dragon Gate style as CIMA, Dragon Kid & Susumu Yokosuka invade Pro Wrestling NOAH to face Naomichi Marufuji, Ricky Marvin & Ippei Ota!

BOWL MATCH (4 corners elimination tag, anyone can tag and must accept tags):
OWEN HART & “THE BRITISH BULLDOG” DAVEY-BOY SMITH vs. THE GODWINNS (Henry O. & Phineas I. Godwinn, w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. DOUG FURNAS & PHILIP LAFON vs. THE NATION OF DOMINATION (Faarooq & Crush, w/ Clarence Mason, PG-13 & Flunkies):
(WWF Superstars, Jan. 26th 1997)
* Wait, they ran ANOTHER Bowl? All I remember was the RAW Bowl! Where they all wore football uniforms and it was actually pretty dumb! This is another from the next year, with a smattering of oddball tag teams from the era- Owen & Bulldog are the tag champs, with Furnas & LaFon (in matching blue trunks) brought in from Japan as charisma-free challengers in an attempt to combat WCW’s perception as the “workrate promotion”, probably. The Godwinns are a fading act at this point (and oddly both in matching red shirts), while the Nation are rising stars, without Savio yet, I think.

It’s time for another Joshi Spotlight, this one a bit of a flashback, as I take a look again at Megumi Kudo’s final run. Here, it’s a pair of Shinobu Kandori matches I missed, as they have a regular one to set up a bloody No-Ropes Barbed Wire Deathmatch shortly before Kudo hangs it up! I also found a compilation of Kudo matches from FMW & LLPW, as she faces Yasha Kurenai and does a tag bout against Rumi Kazama & Utako Hozumi!

MEGUMI KUDO (FMW) vs. SHINOBU KANDORI (LLPW):
(FMW, 12/11/1996)
* Here’s a Battle of the Aces, as Kudo takes on LLPW’s Shinobu Kandori, whose super-shooter aura used to be uncontested- this could have real Hokuto/Kandori potential given how good Kudo is at psychology. Kandori’s got blonde hair and a purple singlet on, while Kudo’s in the black one-legged get-up.

Welcome to a very special Dream Matches edition! Wherein I searched Billy Kidman and found a Psychosis match, then went back to review it and found out they fought at least seven times on TV, six of which are captured by YouTube! So I managed a whole column’s worth out of these two! It’s interesting because the first three are total throwaway bouts on lesser shows where Kidman was just one of the forgotten background Cruiserweights, indistinguishable from anyone else, then suddenly they have a really competitive one, and then it’s a big one when Kidman actually got his major push and PSYCHOSIS was the guy suffering from credibility issues! So it’s an interesting cross-section of the careers and credibility of these two wrestlers! And also watch as WCW changes the spelling of the luchadore’s name constantly!

PSYCHOSIS vs. BILLY KIDMAN:
(WCW Worldwide, July 27th 1996/WCW Prime, Aug. 12th 1996)
* Early in the WCW run of Billy Kidman, he’s a generic skinny Cruiserweight in blue tights going up against Psychosis in his most garish, awful gear- the black bodysuit with the salmon-colored abs & gold chestpiece. God that version sucks. This same match was on two different D-shows- I nearly reviewed it twice until I realized they weren’t just copying the same match… it was LITERALLY the same match.

The Brain Buster’s finish is the piledriver but Koko’s theme is Piledriver and his finisher the Brainbuster.
-YouTube comment.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I found a very odd one-off, as it’s the Brain Busters versus the makeshift team of… High Energy? Yes, it’s OWEN HART AND KOKO B. WARE, but several years early, as Owen’s the Blue Blazer and neither is in gigantic parachute pants, and they’re taking on the NWA-styled Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard!

Then it’s over to New Japan, as the IWGP Tag Team Champions, Rick & Scott Steiner, defend against the monster squad of Scott Norton & Tony “Ludvig Borga” Halme! Come see some real Hoss Style wrestling… at least until their cardio wears out! Then it’s a classic 1994 WWF match, with The 1-2-3 Kid & Thurmann “Sparky” Plugg vs. Adam Bomb & Kwang! Sting vs. Lt. James Earl Wright in 1995 WCW! And we cap things off with a jobber squash featuring Don Muraco in 1980s Florida dismantling a green rookie Barry Windham!

THE BRAIN BUSTERS (Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard, w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. KOKO B. WARE & THE BLUE BLAZER:
* !!!!!! This was mentioned in a daily thread as a fascinating unknown match, and look at it! The Brain Busters vs. High Energy… three years early! Owen Hart at this point was a masked undercard guy in light blue gear for some reason, and Koko was on the JTTS train already. The Busters, in black trunks, are so NWA they look bizarre in late ’80s WWF, but they kinda fit because of that- two guys in regular gear with regular dad-bods like good NWA stars should look. Like, WWF was so full of weird characters that this actually STOOD OUT… and thus kind of worked? I mean the whole company was guys trying to stand out so “NWA Guys” was ironically a good fit. The jobber team is listed as 70 lbs. heavier than the Busters- that doesn’t sound right.

Korakuen Hall has featured a lot of great tag matches over the years, but not a lot of ones where someone gets thrown off the goddamn balcony!

AJW TWO DAY RIOT:
(June 18th 1997)
* It’s time for more AJW! However, much of this show is missing from YouTube, but at least I got the old 3WA Tag Title match from my Tomoko Watanabe spotlight! And that one’s an all-timer tag match that establishes the threat of current LCO, as they lay waste to the Tag Champions and one of them even falls off the balcony of Korakuen Hall! This is the day after the preceding show I reviewed, meaning some of these people are putting on ****+ matches two nights in a row. There’s also one hell of a sell-job from Manami Toyota as she’s brutalized by Yumiko Hotta & Kaoru Ito, then fires back with some ridiculous potato shots as SOMETHING is definitely going on.

It’s important to note that by this point, according to Evito-X, the talent hadn’t been paid in at least a month. We’re not long from the bankruptcy here- about two months, and they start losing wrestlers before that. So this is one of the last big “Full AJW Roster” big shows left!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I take a look at another tape-trader dream, as it’s the best of Michinoku Pro (minus Great Sasuke) in a big Sumo Hall 10-man that piles on the MOVEZ in a great comparison to the 2006 Dragon Gate match! It’s the fully heel Kaientai DX up against Hamada, Delfin, Tiger Mask, Gran Naniwa & Masato Yakushiji!

Then it’s a look at the bizarre debut of Tony “Ludvig Borga” Halme in New Japan, as he portrays a boxer up against a very green “Soultaker”- Charles “Papa Shango/Godfather” Wright! Then it’s a request, as Sting & Lex Luger take on the Faces of Fear  in 1996 WCW! Then I induce a lot more star power into this column, as MARTY JANNETTY takes on DUKE “THE DUMPSTER” DROESE, baby! Come see Duke almost tease a heel character before they gave up and were like “LOL no- he’s just a jobber”. And then a hilariously “1997 Indies” match on WWF RAW of all places, as Devon Storm fights Ace Darling! It’s the most indieriffic indie match imaginable, but tragically the match is cut short for time.

GRAN HAMADA, SUPER DELFIN, TIGER MASK IV, GRAN NANIWA & MASATO YAKUSHIJI vs. KAIENTAI DX (Taka Michinoku, Shoichi Funaki, Men’s Teioh, Dick Togo & Shiryu):
(Michinoku Pro, Oct. 10th 1996)
* Said to be the “MOVEZ~ Match du jour” of the late ’90s, I dunno. Holy god it’s long, though! MPro seems to be a never-ending succession of complex spots and multi-man matches, to the point where I wonder what all the solo bouts looked like (to be fair, Sasuke/Taka is good in both matches seen in North America). Delfin is a dolphin-themed comedy wrestler, Naniwa is a crab-man in blue, Tiger Mask is the fourth incarnation and the only one not cool enough to drop the gimmick and make his way on his own, and Yakushiji is… some guy I’ve never heard of. Looks like some generic dude in bad Red Ranger cosplay, and was a minor star from the looks of things, winning only some CMLL belts. Hamada, the stable leader, is the most “1980s puro guy” you’ve ever seen, with a curly mullet, plain black trunks and a dad bod. Kaientai were briefly a thing in the WWF, though Funaki stuck around for ages as a comedy jobber- here he’s thinner and in black & white pinstriped singlet. Taka’s the star of the team and looks like a 12-year old in blue shorts- he’d be the centerpiece of WWF’s failed Light Heavyweight division. Shiryu, in a blue Spider-Man-ish mask, is WCW jobber Kaz Hayashi. Men’s Teioh (no I have no idea what that means) looks kinda generic and has blond hair and trunks. Togo is the portly guy in blue tights.

ALL JAPAN WOMEN’S TWO-DAY RIOT:
(June 17th 1997)
* It’s time for more AJW! We hit the middle of 1997, and though business is down, the CRAZINESS is afoot, as Las Cachorras Orientales have reunited and set the company on fire with banger after banger after banger! Come see LCO vs. Manami Toyota & Toshiyo Yamada as the now main event heel duo actually make MANAMI bleed and show just how much mayhem they can fit into a basic tag match! Also it’s the WWWA Decision Match of Kyoko Inoue vs. Kaoru Ito for the vacant Red Belt!

The YouTube videos for most of this have been axed between when I reviewed it and when I posted this, but I found the Class of ’87 Clash up above there.

CMLL WORLD WOMEN’S TITLE:
MARIKO YOSHIDA vs. RIE TAMADA:
* Okay, this one’s a bit weird. The CMLL Women’s World Title is largely a trophy belt created in Mexico for AJW’s women to use, but is occasionally traded to Mexican talent like Lady Apache. But Akira Hokuto won it as the masked “Reina Jabuki” until late 1996, when she was stripped of it for appearing on WCW Nitro to do a quick job in the Women’s Title Tournament (which of course Akira won… but not as Reina). Apache won the belt but vacated it herself, and Mariko won it in Feb. 1997, and is now using it as a trophy. ie. AJW realizes that they have something in Yoshida, but not enough to like… give her an IMPORTANT belt, so she has this and defends it. Like when Manami had the IWA Title in 1992.

Hey all! It’s an extra Dream Matches column this week as I take a look at a request and just stick a random depressing match to the end of it. LOU THESZ vs. VERNE GAGNE for the NWA World Title in 1952! Come see just how epic a heel Lou Thesz was in 1952 against a short, spunky Gagne!

Also come see the origin of the dreaded “Conway Pop” as Rob Conway debuts as a charisma-vacuum with the most horrendous theme song in the history of the business, against poor “JTTS era but in retrospect he deserved this” Val Venis!

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
BEST TWO OF THREE FALLS:
LOU THESZ vs. VERNE GAGNE:
(Chicago Ampitheater, Jan. 25th 1952)
* Oh yes- it’s time. I dare to tackle what NWA Title matches looked like 70 years ago. Lou is the 233-lb. World Champion, while Gagne is his 218-lb. opponent. Best of all, it’s Russ Davis as the commentator again! This is so long ago that Vern is called “the most upstanding of the young challengers”. Both guys have mean widow’s peaks, and Lou’s hairy as all get-out with a mean dad look- Verne must be pale as hell because he’s basically reflecting the ring spotlights. You know it’s 1952 because every single man in the audience is wearing a suit. Imagine that at a wrestling event now.

PN News in his “No, I can STILL MAKE IT!” “Editing his own Wikipedia bio” phase.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a weird smorgasbord of stuff for you, as 1991 WCW sees something I’ve been missing in this column- a FAT MAN STAND-OFF as it’s future megastar Steve Austin as “Stunning” Steve teaming with Big Van Vader (still new to WCW) against midcard squad P.N. News and Z-Man (Tom Zenk)!  Then it’s the last match I could find in my “Best of Well Dunn” sequence… as Steven Dunn pops up as a SHOTGUN jobber teaming with Reno Riggins against the just-starting-to-work-it-out Hardy Boyz in 1998!

Then it’s some 1993 WWF RAW action as “Macho Man” Randy Savage faces Headshrinker Fatu in one of those “tag guy as a solo JTTS” matches! And sure enough- they do the “Savage Template”. And I take another look at Dragon Gate, as Shingo Takagi takes on BxB Hulk! Then finally it’s a request- Chris Jericho & Jim Powers vs. Rough & Ready! Yes, it’s the weirdest cross-section of WCW possible, with future legend Jericho teaming with never-was 1980s jobber Powers against washed-up Dick Slater and “Dream Matches MVP” Mike Enos!

“STUNNING” STEVE AUSTIN & BIG VAN VADER (w/ Lady Blossom) vs. P.N. NEWS & Z-MAN:
(WCW, Nov. 16th 1991)
* A crazy Dream Match featuring WCW’s biggest Monster Heel teaming with future superstar Austin, against a pair of guys who became known as joke midcard acts- News is a big fat white guy acting like a rapper while Z-Man is Tom Zenk in a midcard role. Both are in neon green to let you know what year this is- Zenk in trunks and News in a singlet. Austin’s a generic robed heel in black shorts while Vader’s got a steam-shooting helmet on but hasn’t really “completed” his act, exactly- he even takes his mask entirely off before the match.