Botchamania Reviews ECW — page 3

We’re five days away from Judgement Day with Christian defending his title against Jack Swagger and er that’s it so let’s jump in this pool of excitement.

It’s been two weeks since the last post due to that whole “Las Vegas for Double Or Nothing” thing followed by living out my fantasy of being completely fucked up on edibles like Hunter S. Thompson. I’ve retired from them and will only do them again if the Saudis are paying for it.

We’re in MSG and the ring is set up in a weird position so the entranceway is slightly to the right making for an empty hard cam shot. This works nicely as a metaphor for ECW on Sci-Fi right now where they kind of know what they want and only get half of it.

It’s the first ECW on Sci-Fi since the Supplement Draft and the intro has already been updated with the unwanted toys like Hurricane, Ezekiel Jackson and Kozlov. Main event is the Backlash Contract Signing as Christian won the Elimination Chase on Superstars last week.

We start off with terrible news as The Miz was drafted to Raw on Monday, thus splitting up one of the great tag teams of the era and leaving the just-unified tag team division in such a state that super-teams like Jeri-Show, D-X and Jeri-Edge had to step in.

Upon hearing the news, Miz hugged Morrison then immediately left him laying, foreshadowing both men’s WWE careers.

It’s the show after Wrestlemania and Josh Mathews joins Striker on commentary with both of them looking & sounding like they’re ready to discuss men’s rights.

Christian & Finlay vs. Mark Henry & Kane

Finlay qualified for MITB by pinning The Brian Kendrick on Smackdown, which seems a tad unfair given Christian had to win a battle royal to earn his shot.

After last week’s nothing of a show the main event tonight is…MVP’s VIP Lounge. Oh good they’re being consistent.

Teddy Long welcomes Finlay & Horny to the St. Patrick’s Day episode of ECW and they immediately lose Hornswoggle quicker than a failed piss test.

Primo Colon vs. The Miz

Amazingly both men are still on the roster in 2019 with Miz demolishing Primo last week on Smackdown. They show a clip of Morrison & Miz dressing up as Ben Affleck to mock The Colons (Striker: “the punctuation?”).

Tonight, Swagger teams with Miz & Morrison in the main event to ensure the rest of the card will be like the forty minutes Tarantino could have cut out of his film but insisted on leaving in.

We’re in Nashville (birthplace of Big Kev) and Christian gets his first ECW Title shot tonight against Jack Swagger, which he earned by being Christian.

Dramatic recap of last week’s ”IT’S…CHRISTIAN” setting up this week’s main event tag match.

I’m not one for superstitions but this is how this episode starts.

Last week Hornswoggle stole Swagger’s title so Finlay’s wrestling Jack tonight and possibly getting a title shot out of it if he wins, which doesn’t set a great example to the kids.

This past Sunday at the Royal Rumble, Matt Hardy turned on his brother to fuck the dirtsheets and their ”Christian is returning” mumbo jumbo.

Last week the undefeated Jack Swagger became the brand new ECW Champion after smashing Matt Hardy’s face into the exposed turnbuckle.

And of course despite losing his title, the first question Todd Grisham has is about his brother Jeff and his latest mishap.

We get the first dramatic video package in a long time for the Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy title match as the first big match in a long time on this show.

We’re in New Orleans for the first ECW on Sci-Fi of 2009 and here’s a kid busting a move to the hard pipes of Finlay’s theme.

12/23/08 is the annual Best Of show that’s all recap and video packages so I’m fucking that off and skipping to the last show of 2008 instead.