Dream Matches — page 9

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one features maybe the best Ultimate X Match ever (apparently), with AJ Styles & Chris Sabin challenging for Petey Williams’s X-Division belt in an outstanding display of huge spots and killer reversals!

Then it’s a WWF three-way match as Kurt Angle vs. The Rock vs. Tazz, continuing the Angle/Tazz feud and throwing in The Great One! Come see the “Main Event Style” of the WWF, with everyone spamming clotheslines because it’s a core part of all their offensive counters. Then it’s over to Ring of Honor where Roderick Strong faces the IWGP Champion, Kazuchika Okada! And finally a WWF match pitting Money Inc. against old foes “El Matador” Tito Santana & Virgil, with the BABYFACES oddly using the “heel cheating” formula against the heels!

ULTIMATE X:
X-DIVISION TITLE:
PETEY WILLIAMS (w/ Coach Scott d’Amore) vs. CHRIS SABIN vs. A.J. STYLES:
(NWA-TNA, TNA Final Resolution 2005)
* So someone recommended I watch an Ultimate X match like four months ago, so here I am! I finally got around to it! The YouTube title suggests this might be the best one ever, and since YouTube titles never lie, I’m all in! So the “Ultimate X” match is the signature TNA match, where the X-Division guys fight for a belt hanging from an “X” over the ring, held up by four climbable “trusses” (I’m told that is their proper name)- the point is for guys to climb up the trusses, climb across the outstretched wires, and grab the belt. Highspots abound. Sabin’s in black trunks, Petey’s in shiny red shorts, and Styles is in blue shorts. Every single one of them has the same physique and nearly identical proportions- was there some kind of “standard way to lift weights” back in the indies/TNA or something?

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time it’s a late request, as I finally touch on Sgt. Slaughter vs. Iron Sheik in their famous BOOT CAMP MATCH! Then it’s a bunch of weird disparate stuff, like another Ted Arcidi match, as he teams up with Hillbilly Jim to face King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd!

Plus a weirdo mish-mash short-lived tag team of Bobby Eaton of the Midnight Express & Steve Keirn of the Fabulous Ones, as “Bad Attitude” takes on the main event duo of Sting & Ricky Steamboat in WCW! Then it’s more ICEBERG, as I dig into the career of the NWA Wildside luminary as he takes on his longtime rival & partner Tank in a bloody Cage Match involving tons of weapons! And it DOESN’T SUCK! Finally, it’s a classic “before they were stars” match as the future Balls Mahoney, John Rechner, takes on Virgil in 1992 WWF!

BOOT CAMP MATCH:
SGT. SLAUGHTER vs. THE IRON SHEIK:
(WWF, June 1984)
* The famous Slaughter/Sheik match. This was requested right when the Sheik died but I totally just shoved it on the docket of stuff to look at, lol. TIMELY! This was the end of a blood feud between the former World Champion and the peak “Military Patriotic Guy” gimmick Sgt. Slaughter. No holds barred, Falls Count Anywhere with the referee outside the ring.

The man lifted so much that he couldn’t pull his arms past this position at his sides. Naturally, he chose pro wrestling as a career. 

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Have I got a wild assortment for you tonight! Mostly a bunch of odd matches starring wrestlers in their early “Jobber” phases, as we get Jim Duggan and the Pitbulls as jobbers! But we start off with a very “1986 WWF Match”, as Big John Studd has to get something out of rookie monster Ted Arcidi, a powerlifter so muscular he couldn’t even put his arms at his sides. Ted does NOT last long in wrestling… and you’re about to see why. This is advertised as “The Ultimate MuscleBear Match”, which is an interesting stipulation.

Then it’s a 1989 WWF match as the Hart Foundation takes on… the Pitbulls?! Yes, a true Dream Match! Except… it’s Durante & Wolfe as jobbers. Roided up jobbers. And come see Hulk Hogan in the WWWF take on future “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan as a Skinny-Fat jobber in 1982! Then it’s over to NWA-TNA as I look into the bizarre JTTS Altar Boy Luke, and he’s up as a jobber against Crash Holly himself- Mad Mikey! And finally it’s WCW goodness as Pretty Wonderful (Paul Orndorff & Roma) vs. UNCLE FRED and “The latest jobber with a push” Mark Starr!

THE ULTIMATE MUSCLEBEAR MATCH:
BIG JOHN STUDD vs. TED ARCIDI:
(WWF TV, April 25th 1986)
* Yes, the video is titled just that! Presumably this is not how WWF advertised it, but the ’80s were a different time and I won’t judge. Studd is one of the top heels in the company- a 6’7″-ish giant feuding with Andre and other big guys, while Arcidi is a powerlifter hired on for his absolutely massive frame and credibility (the first man to bench press 700 lbs.), but he’s gone on to become an infamous example of bad wrestling. I’ve actually never seen him wrestle before, and couldn’t pick him out of a lineup of lifters. He’s in a teeny red singlet to show off his build, while Studd’s in the usual white tights.

NWA-TNA (Episode #52):
(July 9th, 2003)
* Oh yeah, I’m gonna try my hand at TNA! Back in the first year+, when it was all about WWF, WCW & ECW cast-offs, looking like a weird hybrid of all three companies with guys who could never draw a dime mixing in with green stars of the future! TNA is a smorgasbord of messed-up ironic “Dream Matches” that I rarely touch on because it just doesn’t pop up much on my YouTube searches. Plus my natural distaste for Jeff Jarrett stuff until his modern “Memphis Heel” act, Brian Lawler, Glenn Gilberti and other losers. But there’s some truly fascinating stuff at play here because it’s a very weird time for the business, with the only real rival to WWF supremacy half squandering its role while also occasionally hitting on some really good stuff that goes nowhere. Case in Point: NWA World Champion AJ Styles is proving himself as a great wrestler… and his opponent is WWF cast-off D’Lo Brown. D’LO AS A MAIN EVENTER!

Last Week: Two floozies fought two other floozies! Jerry Lynn beat Justin Credible a chain match but got beaten up after! Babyface hero Jeff Jarrett got sent to the hospital by Vince Russo, Joe E. Legend & AJ Styles! oh god JOE E. LEGEND is in this promotion.

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West.

NWA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES:
TORNADO TAG RULES (I guess):
AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (“Cowboy” James Storm & “Wildcat” Chris Harris) vs. JOHNNY SWINGER & SIMON DIAMOND (w/ Glenn Gilberti):
* Yes, DISCO INFERNO leading a pair of ECW midcard losers against the World Tag Champions. AMW were a legitimate success story of this era, with two generic-looking white guys actually forming a good team and getting over organically. Diamond is pastier and managed to do three years in ECW without ever getting a real push, and Swinger is a ripped dude with long hair who looks just a bit too much like every other ripped dude with long hair of the era. Glenn is in an ill-fitting shirt and doing commentary. Tenay asserts that AMW were in the “Match of the Year” (the cage match against Triple X), and Glenn gets all insider-y and says “Triple X CARRIED ‘EM! Dey carried dese guys!” and says that AMW aren’t athletes- “Cowboys do CHORES. Dey shovel shit and stuff!”. He is actively, with every sentence, showing just why WWE never hired him on, which is why we only remember him from WCW

GWF TV TITLE TOURNAMENT:
(June 26th, 1991)
* It’s part two of the TV Title Tournament! We saw mostly clipped stuff last round, but I think these are mostly complete. It’s a one-night show, with The Patriot, Billy Black, Makhan Singh (Bastian Booger), Chris Walker, “Exotic” Adrian Street and Buddy Landell all mixed in for a tournament, then a playoff, then the Finals. A pretty wild assortment of guys- an up & coming Hogan knock-off, a rookie with a year spent in Japan copying some of their moves, a burly guy known for his Calgary run and later being a comedy heel, a roided tag guy, one of the most infamous “sissy heels” and the coke-snortingest guy in an industry of coke-snorters!

SEMI-FINALS:

THE PATRIOT vs. “BAD BOY” BILLY BLACK:
* It’s the Patriot in his flag-striped tights against Black in the black trunks. Patriot beat Stan Lane via rollup (smashing him into Jim Cornette) and Wild Bill Irwin with the Patriot Missile (flying shoulderblock), while Black beat Brian Adias by getting his feet up on a splash and holding the tights, then Randy Rhodes with a Moonsault. Black seemed to show some MOVEZ last match but Patriot is pretty hopeless- let’s see what we got.

THE GWF TV TITLE TOURNAMENT:
(June 26th 1991)
* Yes, it’s more of the Global Wrestling Federation! This is, again, the continuation of World Class in Texas, taking over the Sportatorium with a podunk indie, albeit one that has a lot of once and future stars in it. Twenty-four wrestlers in three brackets fight for the TV Title, ending with three finalists- their “World” Title tournament was the same way. We start off with a bunch of dudes, including I think Craid DeGeorge, and then Jim Cornette shows up to hype his man Stan Lane, saying they called out The Patriot (GWF’s top guy).

The tournament is made up of a combination of jobbers, tag wrestlers (Chris Walker, Stan Lane), WCCW stalwart Brian Adias, All Japan alum Billy Black, Calgary veteran Makhan Singh, Buddy Landell, “Exotic” Adrian Street vs. AXL ROTTEN of all people, “Rasta the Voodoo Man”, and the roided up big star of GWF, The Patriot.

Some of the matches are in full, while some are in these “just the last 30 seconds” bits, with one clip airing slightly more. The second part will be in next week’s column!

BRIAN ADIAS vs. “BAD BOY” BILLY BLACK:
* OH GREAT we’re into the first match and I already have to look people up. Ah right, Adias is the guy who was allied with the Von Erichs for years until turning heel on them, probably acting as a heater here to put over heels or the like. He’s a Pasty McGeneric white guy in red trunks, but at least the WCCW faithful would recognize him. Black had an 8-year career that was just starting out here, but he’d just come from ALL JAPAN of all places, winning their secondary tag belts as one of many “Cowboy Heel” midcarders. He’s got long black tights and a mandatory ’90s mullet and goatee. Ironically, his real last name is “White”.

There’s so much “Because WCW” stuff out there that I feel that things like “Had Scott Hall active in the early ’90s and failed to make anything out of him” gets under-reported.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have some pretty disparate stuff for you all, as it’s a weirdo 1991 WCW six-man, a WWF try-out match for the PITBULLS of all teams, and the other NAWA TV show I can find on YouTube! With rookie PAPA SHANGO, Ken Shamrock with ’80s sitcom dad hair, a “Bo Knows Wrestling” rookie, and more!

So first off, it’s Sting, El Gigante & Z-Man up against the One Man Gang, Nikita Koloff and The Diamond Studd (Scott Hall just as he had figured it all out)! Then it’s a WWF try-out match for ECW’s Pitbulls, as Pitbull #1 & 2 take on The Headbangers on WWF Sunday Night Heat!

Finally, it’s a second full NAWA show, full of squashes, but some very interesting ones. It’s the future PAPA SHANGO, workshopping his voodoo character as “Baron Samedi”, teaming up with Bob Orton Jr. of all people. Ken Shamrock as “Vince Torrelli”! A pair of classic “early ’90s dweeby nice guy” tag dudes in Mark Young & Bo Ragin (“Bo Knows Wrestling!”- they actually said it!)! Big John Studd slumming it with the laziest indie match ever! And finally, one of those matches that proves that The Nasty Boys are maybe the all-time best heel team for squashes, as they do the perfect amount of “heel shithead stuff” and “bouncing around like a boob for a rookie”. Read on!

STING, EL GIGANTE & Z-MAN vs. THE ONE MAN GANG, “THE RUSSIAN NIGHTMARE” NIKITA KOLOFF & THE DIAMOND STUDD (w/ Kevin Sullivan & Diamond Dallas Page):
(WCW Pro, Aug. 10th 1991)
* This is a totally wild one, as it’s Sting & El Gigante partnered up again (they were friends and top babyfaces at the time), but with the JTTS Z-Man (Tom Zenk) against recent WWF runaway One Man Gang (who quit seeing that he was getting jobbed out as Akeem), Nikita Koloff (who was pretty done as a name) and a semi-experienced (um, seven-year vet) “ready to break out but Because WCW, nope” Scott Hall. Sullivan is managing Gang, who still has his Akeem hair at this point, and is in all black- Nikita’s in a black singlet (and is so tiny here that I marvel that people thought he was ideal as a Hulk Hogan opponent- Hulk would have dwarfed even the roidiest incarnation of Koloff) & Studd’s in a blue one with a yellow diamond on the crotch, and DDP as his manager before he trained to wrestle. Sting’s in yellow tights, Gigante’s in black shorts (and has a buzz cut), and Z-Man’s in pink trunks.

Hell is Brian Lee matches taking place after… okay, just Brian Lee matches.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have a truly wild assortment of nonsense, as an increasingly-bizarre 2003 NWA-TNA springs forth one of the first “ECW Wannabe” runs as “Team Extreme” (The Sandman, New Jack & Perry Saturn- freshly fired from the WWF) team up against the awful Disciples of the New Church, who are at this point made up of Brian Lee (sorry… KILLDOZER Brian Lee), Mike Awesome, and a roided-up Wolfie D. In one of those matches only Vince Russo could have booked, with barbed wire, weapons, tables, a kendo stick on a pole and a LADDER that leads to a baseball bat. Truly horrible.

Then it’s a very “1993” match as Shawn Michaels and the Beverly Brothers take on Tatanka and the Nasty Boys! A very “2001 WWF” match as the Radicalz (Dean/Eddie/Saturn) take on Test and the APA, with every single wrestler in long black tights! Then it’s Brian Adams vs. Medic #8 in Brian’s Heartland Wrestling Association re-training for the WWF! And a weirdo match as the nWo-affiliated Great Muta takes on LENNY LANE on a WCW D-Show!

THE ULTIMATE SIN (Weapons/Barbed Wire/Ladder to a Baseball Bat/Tables/Kendo Stick on a Pole Match):
THE DISCIPLES OF THE NEW CHURCH (“Killdozer” Brian Lee, Slash & Mike Awesome, w/ Father James Mitchell) vs. TEAM EXTREME (The Sandman, New Jack & Perry Saturn):
(NWA TNA, April 2003)
* Here’s a wild one from the early days of NWA-TNA, with the Sinister Minister’s goofball stable of guys taking on an ECW alliance of Sandman, New Jack & Saturn. The Sinister Minister (James Vandenberg) cuts one of those indie-level promos he always did (“You’re now in my world- a world where winning and losing, and life and death are meaningless- and pain is GOD… *evil laugh*), doing the “Religious Extremist/Satanist” gimmick that’s probably hit every indie over the past 40 years. And they put 18 gimmicks in this one match, featuring a ladder, barbed wire around the ring, and tables… plus a kendo stick on a pole and the ladder leads to a bat, Because Russo. He WAS booking this, right?

lol Sid wasn’t in this.

WCW BATTLEBOWL 1993:
(Nov. 20th 1993)
* It’s time for a very special review! This was recommended to me months ago, but with AEW pulling off a BattleBowl tournament of their own, it’s time! So the deal with BattleBowl is all the faces are in their locker room, and all the heels in theirs, and people “randomly” draw them into tag matches- the winners getting into a battle royal at the end of the show. It leads to some of the wildest possible team combination, as you see tag partners randomly paired up, sometimes fighting each other, and sometimes heels & faces on the same team (extra points if they’re actively feuding at the time).

I absolutely love the hell out of this concept- it’s one of my all-time favorites- but unfortunately it’s a very “Because WCW” thing, as the work is often poor, nobody knows how to work matches with each other, and everyone’s working twice so the laziness and half-assery is well in hand. Except some of this stuff is AMAZING for all the hilarious character interplay you’d never otherwise see- stuff like Brian Knobs trying to convince his goody-two-shoes partner to cheat, Jerry Sags begging Sting to help him, and the babyfaces getting aggravated when the HEELS start showing good sportsmanship and appreciation for each other!

I mean, this show has had some snark directed at it, but how the frick can you hate a PPV that gives you a Steven Regal vs. Fred Ottman sequence, Hawk beating up his own partner for being a loser, and wrestling’s greatest joy- a FAT MAN STAND-OFF?

YOUR PARTICIPANTS:
BABYFACES: Sting (the company’s top babyface), Ric Flair (now a face again), Road Warrior Hawk (running without Animal), “The British Bulldog” Davey-Boy Smith (fresh from the WWF dumping him due to steroids and packaged as the #2 babyface and Sting’s good buddy), Ricky Steamboat (newly re-returned to WCW shortly before the end of his career), Johnny B. Badd (a midcarder on the rise), Cactus Jack (now a babyface), Ron Simmons (no longer WCW Champion and just an upper-mid guy with no push), Erik  Watts (Bill Watts’s useless son getting an undeserved “rising rookie star” push), The Shockmaster (now repackaged as a jovial construction worker after infamously tripping in his debut), Dustin Rhodes (a midcarder), Maxx Payne (a big fat guy with an acid rocker brawler gimmick), Charlie  Norris (a really tall Native American lower-midcard guy I’ve never seen before), Paul  Roma (!!! as a BABYFACE?! oh right, he was a Horseman and they were good guys for a while), 2 Cold Scorpio (a high-flying wonder at this point), Marcus Alexander Bagwell (another rising star), and The Cole Brothers (Keith & Kent… never heard of ’em, but they’re jobbers who lasted a couple years)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have an incredible match of the ’90s for you- a WON ***** bout between Psicosis & Rey Mysterio Jr. for the WWA Welterweight Title- one of those matches that turned both guys into instant stars and tape-trader darlings, and got them jobs all over the world.

Following that, it’s weirdo WWF mish-mash stuff, we get one of the weirdest combinations of dudes I’ve ever seen- Eddie Guerrero, D’Lo Brown & Lance Cade vs. Brian Adams, Haku & KWEE-WEE! Yes, the WWF’s farm-league in HWA was hosting this weirdo variety of trainees, fading stars and guys trying comebacks. Then it’s the Natural Disasters vs. Koko B. Ware and a jobber, in a match showing just how far Koko’s falling down the card! And finally, we see Pat Tanaka of all people end up in 1994 ECW as he challenges for Sabu’s TV Title- a match that has good elements but then you start wondering how much crack Tanaka is on.

WWA WORLD WELTERWEIGHT TITLE:
PSICOSIS vs. REY MISTERIO JR.:
(AAA Mexico, Sept. 22nd 1995)
* This is a fabled WON ***** match, and is pretty well the start of the legend for both guys in the U.S. as a result- both were still somewhat unknown otherwise. Both guys were already 6-year vets and had been seen in ECW. Psicosis is in white & black, while Rey seems to be in grey, and is backed up by what is clearly the White Tiger Power Ranger. Juventud Guerrera (with his old mask, with no hair showing) is backing Psicosis.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a hell of a doozy for you, as it’s STAN HANSEN vs. TERRY GORDY in All Japan, when both dudes were legendary big, burly brawlers. Prepare to see some SLAPPING OF MEAT, as well as a lot of showcasing of just how smart a worker Stan Hansen really was, despite portraying this simple-minded brutish ass-kicker.

Even better, I have a classic Saturday Night-esque bout for you, as it’s RENEGADE vs. SUPER CALO! Only in WCW will you get surefire main events like that, and then I follow it up with a US Tag Team Titles match as The Patriots (Todd Champion and Firebreaker Chip in my first time seeing either) defending against the Young Pistols! And Colonel Mustafa goes out on his back as he’s utterly squashed by The Undertaker, freshly a babyface, before WrestleMania VIII! Read on!

STAN HANSEN vs. TERRY GORDY:
(All Japan, July 17th 1990)
* This looks to be a MEAT-SLAPPING masterpiece, with two huge burly dudes with similar physiques going at it in All Japan, where both hit their peak. Both dudes are in their trademark big trunks, but Stan is much chunkier- he’s in navy blue while Gordy’s in black.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have something a little different, as I reviewed a 1991 podunk indie federation more or less by accident (stupid YouTube search for Tatanka/Shamrock and I thought this was it and learned my error too late, haha), so come see the NAWA- the attempt to revive the Mid-Atlantic territory!

But primarily the focus here is a match starring Terry Gordy when he was only 14 years old (!!) as he takes on the Big Cat, Ernie Ladd in 1975! Come see just how good Gordy was even while he was a literal child, and how graceful Ladd was in his athletic prime. And since I feel bad about calling out two Bryan Clark matches in a row in “Anatomy of a Disaster”, I’ll put in one of the good WCW squashes that got him over, as he pummels the luchadore Ciclope on WCW Thunder! Come see the weird stylistic shifts when you pit a giant dude against a guy with an unfamiliar style!

The NAWA show is a bit interesting, though, as it’s your usual combination of past-their-prime veterans slumming it (the heel Champion is Robert Fuller- who becomes a WCW manager not too long after this), young rookies Chris “Tatanka” Chavis and Ken Shamrock (as Vince Torelli), and a ludicrous amount of focus for head promoter Paul Jones, who keeps getting the spotlight stuck onto him in the way of many a podunk indie company that goes nowhere.

“THE KING OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING” ERNIE LADD (w/ Beautiful Bruce) vs. TERRY MEEKA:
(International Championship Wrestling, 1975)
* A strange one I never expected to see- a FOURTEEN-YEAR OLD Terry Gordy as 237-lb. New Yorker “Terry Meeka” (pronounced like “Mecca”) taking on the Big Cat, Ernie Ladd- a legendary performer. Gordy is in blue trunks and has big bleach-blond hair, and notably TOWERS over referee Tommy Young, even as a 14-year old kid. The gigantic Ladd, in blue/purple trunks, gives Terry a somewhat disingenuous-looking “earnest” handshake.

Paul Orndorff’s stuff has really held up over the years… but him as a WCW guy in his mid-forties?

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one features a mostly WCW-themed assortment of bouts, but with things varying over the years. First off, it’s Arn Anderson vs. Paul Ordnorff, pitting two of the great heel talkers against each other, but while Arn was a babyface Horseman! Disco Inferno defends the WCW TV Title against Booker T on Nitro while the announcers can only talk about the Hogan/Sting match the previous night!

Then it’s a true mixing of the eras, as Rey Mysterio Jr. takes on early ’90s workhorse Pat Tanaka, who’s doing a kung-fu gimmick on a WCW D-Show in 1996! A request, as the Heavenly Bodies face Virgil in his “Teaming With a Jobber” era, with job guy Mike Bell as his partner! And then it’s TWO Tatanka vs. Blake Beverly matches, as they fill TV time with the solo Blake on the JTTS squad five months apart!

ARN ANDERSON vs. “MR. #1DERFUL” PAUL ORNDORFF:
(WCW TV, 10/6/1993)
* This is an authentic Dream Match, but against a weird couple of dudes, as both are largely career heels. Both look like very unpleasant dudes, and Col. Rob Parker & The Assassin are watching for some reason, the latter coming down to Paul to help deal with the “Paula!” chants (lol those are still happening in 1993?). I guess that makes Arn the babyface here. Arn’s in red/black trunks & Paul’s in black.

oh dad-blast it- someone deleted the video before I could post the review XD. Well, uh, take my word for it! I found the last two matches on YouTube, at least.

GWF NORTH AMERICAN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE TOURNAMENT (Part Two):
(GWF, Dallas, Aug. 1991)
* It’s time for more GWF’s North American Heavyweigth Title Tournament!! With THE PATRIOT vs. AXIS THE DEMOLISHER!!

Last Round: The Patriot d. Soultaker (Charles “Papa Shango/Godfather” Wright) by rollup, Axis the Demolisher d. Terry Garvin (not that one) w/ the Cobra Clutch, Steve Cox d. Rod Price, Stan Lane d. Action Jackson, Jeff Gaylord d. John Tatum, Brian Lee d. Bill Irwin (The Goon), Al Perez d. The Handsome Stranger (Buff Bagwell) by pulling the tights, Terry Gordy d. Randy Rhodes, Austin Idol d. Scott Anthony (Raven) with his feet on the ropes to mimic Scotty doing it before, Bad News Brown d. The Aztec w/ the Ghetto Blaster, Gary Young d. Cactus Jack by count-out, Steve Dane d. Chaz when his manager trips up Chaz.

They say during the first match that there will be three finalists- two wrestle to face the guy who receives a “bye” for the title. And for some reason Cactus is back in it despite losing last show- they even say he defeated Gary Young. Oh, and this entire show (save Patriot/Axis) takes place during one taping, which is a veritable recipe for restholds.

THE PATRIOT vs. AXIS THE DEMOLISHER:
* More of Bill Eadie slumming it with a bad knock-off of his WWF character as “Axis”, cutting a promo with a normal high-pitched voice instead of Ax’s gravelly deep one. The Patriot is apparently the current TV Champion. Patriot’s in his usual long American flag tights, while Axis is still in his Demolition gear with unique facepaint (not the “Ax silver”) with the most “someone’s ordinary-looking beer-bellied dad” appearance otherwise. Both of these men actually wrestled their first round matches earlier in the day, which means you’re gonna see some WORKRATE here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_qNwQKTsMY&ab_channel=NLWrestlingArchive

GWF NORTH AMERICAN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE TOURNAMENT (Part One):
(GWF, Dallas, Aug. 1991)
* So after weeks of incredible peer pressure, and caving to the Blog’s current obsession: “Shitty Indies”, I’m finally reviewing the GWF! This being the Global Wrestling Federation, which as is obvious by the name, is an indie run out of one tiny portion of the United States. It seems like every indie of the 1990s was either an ECWA-style “skinny indie guys doing Rockers matches” or a regional promotion with some grandiose name (Universal Wrestling Federation! GLOBAL Wrestling Federation!), a money mark at the center of it, a couple indie darlings (Cactus Jack & Scott Levy), and 30 guys Vince McMahon didn’t want. Case in point, this promotion’s GWF North American Title Tournament features The Patriot, pre-fame Cactus Jack, a green-as-grass Godfather, and a heavily pregnant Bill Eadie as “Axis the Demolisher”. This also gives us Stan Lane before he called it quits, Terry Gordy between Japan runs, failed WWF guy Al Perez, a pre-pubescent Buff Bagwell, and assorted other dweebs. This is FANTASTIC in terms of weirdo Dream Matches… but since it’s a U.S. indie in the early ’90s, it’s probably just going to be a lot of guys lazily humping each other, doing nerveholds and cheap falls.

FIRST ROUND:
THE PATRIOT vs. SOULTAKER:
* HELL YES! We start off with Del Wilkes, the most “what Vince wants in a wrestler” guy to never last more than a couple of years in any company, and a very young pre-Papa Shango Charles Wright. Patriot’s an obvious body guy with long U.S. flag tights, while Soultaker’s a giant dude with a big, thick body but not as much definition, and Mantaur’s hairstyle. He’s wearing the black singlet he’d keep as Papa Shango.

Bunkhouse Buck legit looks like some Western Movie stock character named “Pa” who doesn’t like the young protagonist hanging around his daughter. Straight up wrestles in an undershirt! 

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a whopper of a WCW Pro match for you, as “Lifeguard” Steve Collins, my new favorite jobber ever, has to face WCW luminary Bunkhouse Buck! In the most hilariously cheating-filled squash ever! With maybe wrestle’s all-time worst ever finishing move! Also it’s some Nitro goodness as Booker T defends the TV Title in a hot match against Psychosis, where Booker shows the fire that rocketed him to… well the main event of a dying company! But still, he was awesome!

Then I spoil you all as I found TWO Scotty Riggs vs. Scott Putski matches to review! I knew I had to get to these ever since I saw Scott or someone (Dave? Mike?) review it a month or so ago! And finally, it’s more lucha, as I found a really long, solid Octagon vs. Fuerza Guerrera match! More of Juventud’s dad! And a hilariously violent old lady in the front row that both pros make a show out of!

BUNKHOUSE BUCK (w/ Col. Tom Parker & Dick Slater) vs. “LIFEGUARD” STEVE COLLINS:
(WCW Pro, March 30th 1996)
* MORE LIFEGUARD!! And against one of the most inexplicable JTTS guys of the age in Buck. Collins has his little floatation device and slaps hands with the fans on the way to the ring. This is LONG after the other Collins stuff I have, meaning this dude was around longer than I thought. Tragically, though, checking Cagematch reveals he was only in a tiny handful of matches per year unless they’re missing a ton.

Reviewing Fred Ottman matches. Oh, how I’ve missed this.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this week, I have one of my favorite things in the world to share with you… FAT MAN STAND-OFFS!!! I feared I’d gotten through all the ones I could find, but lo and behold- Yokozuna vs. Typhoon! TWICE!

And then it’s a dramatically awful match-up on paper as it’s… well it’s 1990s AWA, what more do I need to say? But it’s the AWA’s patented “washed-up old fart” wrestling COMBINED with 1990-era American’s women’s wrestling! The worst of two genres! Col. DeBeers & The Magnificent Mimi take on Baron Von Raschke the babyface goose-stepping Nazi and his partner Candi Divine! Watch DeBeers try to save the whole match from the apron!

Then it’s over to 2000s-era WWE Velocity as the re-trained Sean O’Haire takes on… WCW’s Crowbar! Back when WWE just hired every indie worker they could find to work squashes! And then it’s another request, as I combine my tributes to Lanny Poffo and David Sammartino as they partner up with the future Haku in the clean-faced, ripped Tonga Kid doing his best “Superfly Snuka” rip-off act, and they take on the job squad of Les Thornton and the Moondogs!

YOKOZUNA (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. TYPHOON:
(WWF Mania, April 10th 1993)
* Hell yes! I found another one! A FAT MAN STAND-OFF!!! These are always extremely short matches between these two- I mean, I wouldn’t wanna deny Fred Ottman’s cardio but I’m guessing this is for his benefit. Typhoon is noticeably taller, but Yoko has considerably more bulk, even now shortly after WrestleMania IX (though it was probably taped before).

I somehow missed the “banana-yellow pants” phase of John Cena’s career.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time the headliner is a future WWE Pay Per View Main Event, but in 2003 and on the infamous D-show WWE Velocity, as indie darling Bryan Danielson shows up on WWE TV to put over this rising star- a roided-up rapping heel named John Cena.

More WWF Light Heavyweight Division goodness as Taka Michinoku and pre-2 Hotty Scott Taylor team up against Brian Christopher and YOSHIHIRO TAJIRI, back when he was just some generic pasty-faced kicky guy out of Big Japan. Yes, the Japanese Buzzsaw pre-ECW hit WWF RAW! Then it’s to ECW, as Mikey Whipwreck’s “Underdog Sensation” gimmick gets put to the test against the 1996 version of an indie darling, Devon Storm (yes, all you need is a discarded Rockers costume and a few moves swiped from Mexico and YOU TOO could have been an indie darling in 1996!). And then… yes, I have ANOTHER LIFEGUARD STEVE COLLINS MATCH, as he takes on WCW midcarder “Stunning” Steve Austin in a battle of the Steves! Finally, we end with a Street Fight between Ron Simmons & Maxx Payne… in the New York set of Disney/MGM Studios in Orlando!

JOHN CENA vs. BRYAN DANIELSON:
(WWE Velocity, Feb. 4th 2003)
* Welcome to WWE Velocity, where John Cena gets to demolish some dweeby indie nobody named “Bryan Danielson”. LOL look at this dork’s clean-shaven baby face and Indie Kickpads- what a ridiculous act. Speaking of, Cena has now revolutionized his career by being a douchebag wannabe rapper, before this of course became entertaining enough to turn him babyface, which took him from “cultural-appropriating doofus” to “big star for the kids” and the biggest star of his generation- wrestling is weird. Cena’s in giant bright yellow jeans AND BOOTS and is roided out of his mind, while Bryan’s in white trunks.

The WWF was never really a “Workrate Company”, so the Big Boss Man is one of those guys who kind of slipped through the cracks and people only now have come to appreciate and credit with a lot of great performances and remarkable agility for his size. I now honor him with this hilariously suggestive picture.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a very solid TV match from 1992 as Shawn Michaels and the Big Boss Man do a rare singles match against each other, showcasing Ray Traylor’s shocking speed for such a big guy as he does one of the best “evasion” spots I’ve ever seen, despite outweighing his opponent by eighty pounds! Then it’s more 1992 WWF goodness as Virgil tries to take revenge against the Repo Man for the loss of the Million Dollar Title!

Over to 1998 WWF as Brian Christopher and a newly-heel Scott Taylor are paired up as heel goobers “Too Much” and set against… yes I’m subjecting you to more Devon Storm, as he and indie partner Ace Darling are paired up as jobbers on Shotgun Saturday Night against the new heel team! Then it’s a random throwaway WCW TV main event of Sting, Marcus Alexander Bagwell & The Steiner Brothers against Arn Anderson, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Eaton & Cactus Jack! Finally, a spectacularly weird WCW Prime match, as Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker takes on LIFEGUARD STEVE COLLINS in a gimmick I am just now hearing about. Read on!

SHAWN MICHAELS vs. THE BIG BOSS MAN:
(WWF Wrestling Challenge, Nov. 14th 1992)
* Shawn is JUST set to win the IC Title from the British Bulldog on the Saturday Night’s Main Event airing this same day, and Boss Man is in the middle of a huge feud with Nailz, so I’m imagining this’ll be a screwjob ending. But it’s a pretty rare opportunity to see guys whose careers coincided but didn’t interact that much- the Rockers jobbed to the Twin Towers but as singles these two didn’t fight often- Boss Man was in WCW when Shawn had peaked, and returned when Shawn was gone. Sherri is out with an injury after Marty famously returned and Shawn pulled her in front of the mirror to save himself.

Nitro had a lot of weird one-offs and random-ass dudes from all over the place showing up, but DAVID SAMMARTINO?

With Scott Keith recently uploading David’s short history in the wrestling business, somebody wanted to see his one appearance on Monday Nitro. But even better, I found the “phantom submission” match, AND David’s appearance in the “End of Nitro Brawl” between the nWo and WCW loyalists! WOO Blog Synergy!

DAVID SAMMARTINO vs. RON SHAW:
(WWF at the Spectrum, Nov. 1985)
* So the story here is that David, sick of his lack of push from the WWF, was out to quit in a blaze of glory. Taking on balding, pot-bellied jobber Ron Shaw in a match that was being filmed, he had his way. David at this point is a short, bloated muscle-guy in black trunks, with really bad hair. Shaw’s in blue, and David gives this happy little smirk to the camera before the match. Oh, he knew.