Paul Orndorff’s stuff has really held up over the years… but him as a WCW guy in his mid-forties?
Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one features a mostly WCW-themed assortment of bouts, but with things varying over the years. First off, it’s Arn Anderson vs. Paul Ordnorff, pitting two of the great heel talkers against each other, but while Arn was a babyface Horseman! Disco Inferno defends the WCW TV Title against Booker T on Nitro while the announcers can only talk about the Hogan/Sting match the previous night!
Then it’s a true mixing of the eras, as Rey Mysterio Jr. takes on early ’90s workhorse Pat Tanaka, who’s doing a kung-fu gimmick on a WCW D-Show in 1996! A request, as the Heavenly Bodies face Virgil in his “Teaming With a Jobber” era, with job guy Mike Bell as his partner! And then it’s TWO Tatanka vs. Blake Beverly matches, as they fill TV time with the solo Blake on the JTTS squad five months apart!
ARN ANDERSON vs. “MR. #1DERFUL” PAUL ORNDORFF:
(WCW TV, 10/6/1993)
* This is an authentic Dream Match, but against a weird couple of dudes, as both are largely career heels. Both look like very unpleasant dudes, and Col. Rob Parker & The Assassin are watching for some reason, the latter coming down to Paul to help deal with the “Paula!” chants (lol those are still happening in 1993?). I guess that makes Arn the babyface here. Arn’s in red/black trunks & Paul’s in black.
They trade basics to start, Arn hitting shoulderblocks but Paul working his arm. Arn chases him after a dirty break from Orndorff, but clotheslines the post and it’s more arm work. Orndorff scissors the arm and does some unique stuff (like the old toehold “fallback” move but on the arm), but the fans are pretty dead for this slow work. Nobody even reacts when Orndorff yanks on the ropes for leverage- actually wait, one little girl is real pissed off about that and another kid is trying to convince the ref. They mess up a back body drop and cover pretty quickly, Paul back to the arm, but Arn gets a sleeperhold. Paul falls back on him and again uses the ropes during an armbar and stomps on it- Arn fires back with a clothesline and dodges a 2nd-rope splash. He readies a DDT near the ropes so Assassin can grab his leg, and fires with left hands on Arn, then drops Steve Austin from off-camera, as “Stunning Steve” bolts into the ring and that’s a DQ at (11:12)- Arn wins. haha now how did I know this 11-minute armbar match was gonna end with a fuck finish? Arn gets his ass kicked by both guys until Paul Roma saves his fellow Horseman.
This was SO BORING- technically proficient and all the moves were applied well, but it’s mostly just Paul staying on the arm and cheating, with an appropriately dead crowd who can’t even get worked up over using the ropes. And then Austin runs in while Arn gets only the merest advantage (a couple of left hands and Austin has to save Orndorff?).
Rating: 3/4* (just an endless submission hold with a bunch of little else)
Disco Inferno is an all-time Comedy Doofus wrestler… but OH GOD when he actually starts trying to have a real match…
WCW TV TITLE:
DISCO INFERNO vs. BOOKER T:
(Monday Nitro, Dec. 29th 1997)
* This is the night after the infamous ’97 Starrcade, where Hogan/Sting’s finish was buggered and WCW ruined 2 years of build for an angle. We’re right at the top of the show, which means OF COURSE all the commentary can talk about is Hogan/Sting, and Disco, still TV Champion (he’d beaten Saturn for his second run on Dec. 8th) heads out there with his comedy schtick (Stacy Keibler can be seen dancing in the crowd 26 seconds into this clip, long before she’d join the company as a Nitro Girl). Disco’s wearing orange flared tights, which definitely makes him stand out the further into the ’90s you get. Booker, meanwhile, is in the “just some guy” zone as Stevie Ray has just been injured and so Book joins WCW’s cavernous midcard. Or so we thought! He’s notably still in Harlem Heat gear, with the loose fit. And its PURPLE!
They trade arm stuff and Booker does his clothesline hiptoss reversal and nukes Disco with a back elbow for two. Disco dodges an elbow and celebrates, so Booker spins up (it has no name yet) and blasts him with the Harlem side kick. Disco bails and goes into the guardrail as Bobby says it’s like Booker has been wrestling singles for years, putting him over as not needing to get used to having no partner to tag. Disco catches him back in with a rope-assisted stunner and does some weak offense, but takes a HUGE bump on a Cactus clothesline, banging his head on the apron and his ass on the floor. Booker goes into the rail a few times as Disco kills time, and a back elbow gets two- he calls spots with a chinlock and knees Book, then does ANOTHER chinlock and a neckbreaker to stop another comeback. Booker finally gets a big forearm shot to put them both down, and catches Disco with a roundhouse kick in the corner, a side slam, and the Harlem Hangover (somersault guillotine legdrop) and the commentators are stunned- Booker is the new TV Champ at (6:57)! Stevie Ray comes out to celebrate with him and we’re off to the races on Booker.
See, this is sorta the problem with Disco Inferno- as a comedy wrestler, he’s amazing. Funny, pratfalling, some great gags (remember him bringing the instructions for a figure-four into the ring?), etc… but as soon as he tries to wrestle a normal match, it’s *-** city. Dude just can’t wrestle well at all- all the moves come out looking fine and normal and he’s obviously athletic with a decent “wrestler’s build”, but it’s generic shit and looks totally uninteresting, with no instincts on match-building or keeping things interesting if he’s having a “real match”. Two chinlock fight-ups, a neckbreaker as a big cut-off, etc. And then Booker just hits some random stuff for his comeback and pins him out of nowhere.
Rating: *1/2 (just a standard boring TV match where Disco controls with weak stuff until the end- Booker’s stuff looked good, though)
REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. PAT TANAKA:
(WCW Prime, Oct 7th 1996)
* Oh yes!! I’ve had this on the docket for like half a year but keep forgetting to check it out- it’s a fascinatingly “1996 WCW” kind of match, where you have a revolutionary pro wrestler that everyone is talking about, and you stick him with a WWF-associated guy from an entirely different era (ie. six years before). Pat has long hair and a Parallel Universe Goatee (… would Parallel Universe Pat Tanaka be a main eventer?) with kung fu gear on, while Rey is in green and red (with his bald head visible through the back of the mask, in a look I don’t remember) Tanaka hilariously has the music that GOLDBERG would later end up using.
Tanaka humorously starts in a Jackie Chan movie stance, looking sideways at Rey like he’s a wrestler watching a TV screen, then does martial arts kicks and a judo flip before calling a spot, but it’s a bad International (he is slow taking a toehold) and they don’t do a slingshot move right (Rey kinda just bumps him knees-first when it’s supposed to be a headscissors). Rey baseball slides him and hits his slingshot cross-body (which looked INSANE to 1996 American fans). Tanaka blocks a rana in the ring with a kneeling powerbomb in a good bit, adding a throat-thrust and a slow tilt-a-whirl into a clothesline. Tanaka measures him with a thrust kick (superkick, really) and puts him up top, but Rey kicks him and comes off the second rope with a Hurricanrana for the pin (struggling to get Tanaka’s legs hooked and settles for just one) at (2:20).
A weird style clash, as Tanaka is trained pretty well entirely in the US and isn’t a lucha guy in the slightest, so is obviously struggling with spots that are second nature to luchadores, so you have bits where he’s half a step slow and it’s making Rey’s stuff not look good- though Rey’s at fault for the slingshot move- Tanaka takes almost a phantom bump off it. Add in the fact that Tanaka was calling it and hitting most of the moves and it looks kinda funny. Rey was always smaller than his opponents and a natural seller, but it’s weird when it’s… like, PAT TANAKA getting heat on him. Pat wouldn’t last too much longer in WCW regardless.
Rating: * (not a great showcase for Rey, who had to deal with an unfamiliar opponent)
I always wonder what the backstage reaction to teaming up with a jobber is. Like, is the guy super upset? The “Oh fuck- I’m in the “Teaming With a JOBBER” zone!” and other guys putting their hands on his shoulder to express sympathy. This is obviously a step below Jobber To The Stars, and you end up being associated with the true nobodies.
THE HEAVENLY BODIES (“The Doctor of Desire” Tom Prichard & “Gigolo” Jimmy Del Ray, w/ Jim Cornette) vs. VIRGIL & MIKE BELL:
(WWF Wrestling Challenge, June 15th 1994)
* Oh god, poor Virgil gets the “paired with jobber” role. I never remember seeing these kinds of matches when I was a kid, so it’s funny that they were relatively common. I feel like it was the “Last Gasp” of a fading act: like you’d start out winning matches so people thought you were a real star, then you’d start jobbing to top guys, then you’d start jobbing to midcarders and debuting acts, then you were eventually no longer booked to beat jobbers, and then, in the VERY END, you’d get saddled with a job guy. This happened to Virgil, Ronnie Garvin, Damian Demento and others. Here Virgil is paired up with Mike Bell (most famous for being the guy Perry Saturn lost it on during a match and he got beat up legit, and for being in his brother’s documentary about steroids). Virgil’s in white/black pinstripes and Bell’s in a black singlet, looking less chubby than I’ve seen him in other bouts. The Bodies are both in black trunks (not the usual maroon), with bodies that are in fact not heavenly at all.
Virgil does his standard match opening by winning an International and hitting the flipover armdrag & dropkick, but eats Jimmy’s superkick. He manages a weird clothesline (like he was halfway to a flying forearm) and tags out, so we get the standard ending to all these bouts: The Jobber Getting Destroyed. Bell throws some shots that Jimmy barely sells, and Dr. Tom gets a blind tag and bulldogs him, and the Bodies actually START CHEATING by double-teaming Bell in the corner! haha I love it when the heels are so devoted to dishonesty that they cheat to beat up jobbers. Del Ray lifts the jobber and drops down with Tom’s DDT in a double-team, lures in Virgil, and they hit a “lift the guy for a flying cross-body” move for the finish at (2:28), Virgil giving up halfway like a typical jobber-teammate.
Virgil did all of 30 seconds here then tagged in the jobber to take the rest of the beating, which is how these usually go. It kinda makes them look extra-useless as they aren’t any help to their partner, but lets them get some “fake shine” by landing some offense and not eating the fall.
Rating: 1/2* (for some decent Heavenly Bodies double-teams)
TATANKA vs. BLAKE BEVERLY (w/ Beau Beverly & The Genius):
(WWF TV, Nov. 8th 1992)
* It’s the first of two Tatanka vs. Blake Beverly matches! This one’s just a short video, and has Blake with Beau & Genius. Beau appears to be walking down the aisle where Tatanka meets him and wipes him out with a clothesline, getting jumped by Blake as soon as he hits the ring.
Blake pounds away, but Tatanka hiptosses him, hits chops, and clotheslines him to the floor- Blake comes in trying to shake hands, but Tatanka doesn’t even react to it and gets booted. Tatanka counters some showboating by hairpulling, dragging him back in and slamming Blake off the turnbuckles, but the “headbutt to the gut” transition has Blake working the neck. Tatanka no-sells a chop and gets his own, but eats a powerslam and we get the “Blake misses the flying headbutt” counter leading to the endgame- Tatanka fires off chops, a backdrop, two running tomahawks, and a flying tomahawk, setting up a brief corner-reversal and the Samoan Drop finishes at (4:45).
A very basic match as the green Tatanka more or less has his comebacks set up by Blake, who does his typical brawling, bragging and occasional power move, briefly missing things to allow for a couple comebacks, leading to the big end-match surge that Tatanka was fairly good at. See, if a guy can only do a handful of moves well, then you better have him as a babyface where he can do a fired-up no-sell to get the crowd into it.
Rating: *3/4 (typically solid, decent Blake match, as he carries Tatanka through some basic comebacks)
TATANKA vs. BLAKE BEVERLY:
(WWF All American, March 21st 1993)
* A rematch five months later, Tatanka is still undefeated, is challenging Shawn Michaels for the IC Title at WrestleMania IX, and gets jumped as soon as he rolls into the ring.
Blake, now a solo act, hammers away but quickly gets backdropped and clotheslined to the floor while Lord Alfred delivers the massive whopper that “The Beverly Brothers have dominated, to an extent, the tag team ranks” of the WWF. Blake sails over the top off a chop and Tatanka repeats the “pull him in by the hair” spot from the last match and beats on him, but misses a cross-body out of the corner. We come back from break with Blake doing weardown holds, then the same “no-sold chop but Blake powerslams him” spot as before. Tatanka starts another Hulk-Up but gets backdrop and vertical suplexed for two-counts, then Blake rolls through on a cross-body for another. But Tatanka does one final war-dance, and Blake has no answer for it, eating two tomahawks, one regular chop, then Tatanka ducks a clothesline and hits the Samoan Drop at (6:28 shown).
These rematches are interesting from a certain perspective because you can see them repeatedly do the same spots and even entire sequences, but in a different order. I have to wonder if they re-watch their prior match and just go “let’s do that again” or if this is just how wrestlers always think. In any case, this one ended up a fair bit different, adding in a long resthold and Blake throwing out a lot more varied offense, as Tatanka looks a lot better kicking out of actual suplexes and things. Funny how Tatanka teases 1-2 comebacks in each match with his dancing, only to eat another shot, but the final one tends to be the key.
Rating: ** (a little better than the last one, but not by much)