Dream Matches — page 10

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I take a look at another tape-trader dream, as it’s the best of Michinoku Pro (minus Great Sasuke) in a big Sumo Hall 10-man that piles on the MOVEZ in a great comparison to the 2006 Dragon Gate match! It’s the fully heel Kaientai DX up against Hamada, Delfin, Tiger Mask, Gran Naniwa & Masato Yakushiji!

Then it’s a look at the bizarre debut of Tony “Ludvig Borga” Halme in New Japan, as he portrays a boxer up against a very green “Soultaker”- Charles “Papa Shango/Godfather” Wright! Then it’s a request, as Sting & Lex Luger take on the Faces of Fear  in 1996 WCW! Then I induce a lot more star power into this column, as MARTY JANNETTY takes on DUKE “THE DUMPSTER” DROESE, baby! Come see Duke almost tease a heel character before they gave up and were like “LOL no- he’s just a jobber”. And then a hilariously “1997 Indies” match on WWF RAW of all places, as Devon Storm fights Ace Darling! It’s the most indieriffic indie match imaginable, but tragically the match is cut short for time.

GRAN HAMADA, SUPER DELFIN, TIGER MASK IV, GRAN NANIWA & MASATO YAKUSHIJI vs. KAIENTAI DX (Taka Michinoku, Shoichi Funaki, Men’s Teioh, Dick Togo & Shiryu):
(Michinoku Pro, Oct. 10th 1996)
* Said to be the “MOVEZ~ Match du jour” of the late ’90s, I dunno. Holy god it’s long, though! MPro seems to be a never-ending succession of complex spots and multi-man matches, to the point where I wonder what all the solo bouts looked like (to be fair, Sasuke/Taka is good in both matches seen in North America). Delfin is a dolphin-themed comedy wrestler, Naniwa is a crab-man in blue, Tiger Mask is the fourth incarnation and the only one not cool enough to drop the gimmick and make his way on his own, and Yakushiji is… some guy I’ve never heard of. Looks like some generic dude in bad Red Ranger cosplay, and was a minor star from the looks of things, winning only some CMLL belts. Hamada, the stable leader, is the most “1980s puro guy” you’ve ever seen, with a curly mullet, plain black trunks and a dad bod. Kaientai were briefly a thing in the WWF, though Funaki stuck around for ages as a comedy jobber- here he’s thinner and in black & white pinstriped singlet. Taka’s the star of the team and looks like a 12-year old in blue shorts- he’d be the centerpiece of WWF’s failed Light Heavyweight division. Shiryu, in a blue Spider-Man-ish mask, is WCW jobber Kaz Hayashi. Men’s Teioh (no I have no idea what that means) looks kinda generic and has blond hair and trunks. Togo is the portly guy in blue tights.

Hey all! It’s an extra Dream Matches column this week as I take a look at a request and just stick a random depressing match to the end of it. LOU THESZ vs. VERNE GAGNE for the NWA World Title in 1952! Come see just how epic a heel Lou Thesz was in 1952 against a short, spunky Gagne!

Also come see the origin of the dreaded “Conway Pop” as Rob Conway debuts as a charisma-vacuum with the most horrendous theme song in the history of the business, against poor “JTTS era but in retrospect he deserved this” Val Venis!

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
BEST TWO OF THREE FALLS:
LOU THESZ vs. VERNE GAGNE:
(Chicago Ampitheater, Jan. 25th 1952)
* Oh yes- it’s time. I dare to tackle what NWA Title matches looked like 70 years ago. Lou is the 233-lb. World Champion, while Gagne is his 218-lb. opponent. Best of all, it’s Russ Davis as the commentator again! This is so long ago that Vern is called “the most upstanding of the young challengers”. Both guys have mean widow’s peaks, and Lou’s hairy as all get-out with a mean dad look- Verne must be pale as hell because he’s basically reflecting the ring spotlights. You know it’s 1952 because every single man in the audience is wearing a suit. Imagine that at a wrestling event now.

PN News in his “No, I can STILL MAKE IT!” “Editing his own Wikipedia bio” phase.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a weird smorgasbord of stuff for you, as 1991 WCW sees something I’ve been missing in this column- a FAT MAN STAND-OFF as it’s future megastar Steve Austin as “Stunning” Steve teaming with Big Van Vader (still new to WCW) against midcard squad P.N. News and Z-Man (Tom Zenk)!  Then it’s the last match I could find in my “Best of Well Dunn” sequence… as Steven Dunn pops up as a SHOTGUN jobber teaming with Reno Riggins against the just-starting-to-work-it-out Hardy Boyz in 1998!

Then it’s some 1993 WWF RAW action as “Macho Man” Randy Savage faces Headshrinker Fatu in one of those “tag guy as a solo JTTS” matches! And sure enough- they do the “Savage Template”. And I take another look at Dragon Gate, as Shingo Takagi takes on BxB Hulk! Then finally it’s a request- Chris Jericho & Jim Powers vs. Rough & Ready! Yes, it’s the weirdest cross-section of WCW possible, with future legend Jericho teaming with never-was 1980s jobber Powers against washed-up Dick Slater and “Dream Matches MVP” Mike Enos!

“STUNNING” STEVE AUSTIN & BIG VAN VADER (w/ Lady Blossom) vs. P.N. NEWS & Z-MAN:
(WCW, Nov. 16th 1991)
* A crazy Dream Match featuring WCW’s biggest Monster Heel teaming with future superstar Austin, against a pair of guys who became known as joke midcard acts- News is a big fat white guy acting like a rapper while Z-Man is Tom Zenk in a midcard role. Both are in neon green to let you know what year this is- Zenk in trunks and News in a singlet. Austin’s a generic robed heel in black shorts while Vader’s got a steam-shooting helmet on but hasn’t really “completed” his act, exactly- he even takes his mask entirely off before the match.

I gotta say, I really think the white gear looks sharp. Less iconic, sure, but that’s a good look.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I take a look at the first run of Hulk Hogan in the WWF, as he wrestles as a heel against the World Champion, Bob Backlund! This one is a good look at how much time you can waste to reach 30 minutes… but has one absolute motherfucker of a feat of strength from Bob Backlund, and is a true must-see.

Then it’s a look at two Harlem Heat vs. Cactus Jack & Maxx Payne matches! Cactus vs. Booker is a match we didn’t see a lot of given the ways their careers went, so that’s kinda interesting, never mind a rare shot of Payne, who didn’t seem to be around for long. The last appearance of the short-lived BattleKat in the WWF as he takes on The Barbarian! And then the “Best of Well Dunn” continues, as Steven Dunn gets “tag guy as singles jobber” duties against Duke “The Dumpster” Droese!

WWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
BOB BACKLUND vs. HULK HOGAN:
(WWF, 4-12-1980)
* Oh yes, it’s Hulk Hogan in his pre-“Rock ‘n’ Wrestling” era self as a nasty heel challenging the World Champion, Bob Backlund. Hogan looks so, so damn young compared to even a few years later, still sporting a receding hairline but having a long blond mane. And damn, I LOVE those all-white trunks & boots- the yellow is so iconic and stands out more, but this is such an eye-popping look. Bob’s in the usual red trunks, and gets a HUGE reaction from this Philadelphia crowd, though at least one “Heel Fan” is heard loudly booing on camera.

Called “Wrestling’s Most Influential Match Ever”… and that just might be true. For better or worse.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one has an amazing match to start us off- “The Flair/Steamboat of MOVEZ Matches” as I’ve heard it described, as two Dragon Gate teams face off at Ring of Honor Supercard of Honor 2006! Come watch the match the U.S. indie/AEW style has been chasing for the last 17 years, and come listen to me ramble about just WHY they can’t quite seem to catch it!

And of course I follow it up with matches featuring the Beverly Brothers and Well Dunn! This time, it’s the Beverly Brothers versus BABYFACE Nasty Boys, during Knobs & Sags’ latter period in the WWF. After that, it’s Well Dunn being fed to the new babyface duo of the Allied Powers- Lex Luger & The British Bulldog! And finally we end with a request from my “Wrestlers Slaughtering Jobbers” column, as it’s Rob Van Dam accidentally splattering Kurt Angle’s mouth all over the place, leading to Kurt being out on his feet and bleeding buckets.

DRAGON GATE RULES (no tags necessary)
DO FIXER (Ryo Saito, Genki Horiguchi & Dragon Kid) vs. BLOOD GENERATION (CIMA, Masato Yoshino & Naruki Doi):
(Ring of Honor, Supercard of Honor 2006)
* Okay, so here’s another request, and it’s said to be a MOVEZ match from Dragon Gate (the former Toryumon)- you have been warned!! I know jack shit about any of these people but one so bear with me- I’m on the Pro Wrestling Wiki copying movesets so I at least know what’s what (jesus CIMA’s moveset is like a mile long). Saito’s a pretty “typical puro heel” with the dyed hair, toned body and bisected shorts. Genki’s got long tights in black & yellow and wears a shirt in the ring. Dragon Kid looks like Ultimo Dragon shrank in the wash, and was the “flippy guy du jour” in the business for a while. He’s in lime green and is skinny with no definition whatsoever. Yoshino’s got a ridiculously toned body with a weirdly skinny waist, like he’s sucking it in so he’s all ribcage- he’s in long black shorts. Doi’s just like Saito, but with black trunks. CIMA’s a pretty famous dude, having wrestled all over (even as a jobber in WCW)- his black shorts have tons of tassels and he gets by far the biggest reaction.

Scott Steiner and the LOD would watch this and be like “Shitting hell, ease it up a bit”.

Welcome back to more of wrestlers brutally abusing jobbers! This time I have TWO requests from Maffew, and matches featuring the four gods of taking liberties- the Steiner Brothers and the Legion of Doom! One has the guy fighting the LOD getting a big head about his position and no-selling, while the other is a standard Steiner Brothers squash, but their very first on WWF TV! Then Shelton Benjamin gets a fantastic squash by ragdolling Colin Delaney around like a video game physics engine gone mad!

Then it’s an SWS match, as Yoshiaki Fujiwara (aka the guy who made that armbar everyone uses today famous) effortlessly squashes a member of the Viet Cong Express from Stampede Wrestling, embarrassing him in the “shoot style”. And then it’s one of the most brutal beatings in WWF history, as AJA KONG from All Japan Women’s Wrestling comes to WWF RAW and beats the ever-loving shit out of Chaparrita ASARI to the point that VINCE McMAHON drops insider lingo on commentary about “Potatoes being thrown around the ring”.

THE ROAD WARRIORS (Hawk & Animal, w/ Paul Ellering) vs. KEN LUCAS & ZULU:
(AWA, Dec. 12th 1984)
* A request from Maffew, this one sees the LOD take on two guys I’ve never heard of- Zulu has a WWF superstar look (taller than either Warrior) but a receding hairline, and is an otherwise normal-looking black dude in red trunks. Lucas is an itty-bitty dwarfish man with a dad-bod and black trunks, and was apparently out of semi-retirement for this one, and wasn’t used to being treated like a jobber. Oh, “Huffy jobber” matches are always a mess. Cagematch says he debuted in *1960* and his finisher was an ABDOMINAL STRETCH if you wanna realize just what kind of an era he was from.

So with the sad news of Lanny Poffo’s passing, a couple people recommended I review Hogan/Genius, given it was Poffo’s peak in the business- I figured I’d make a special short Friday Dream Matches column out of it, getting that and his one PPV match- The Genius vs. Brutus Beefcake from the 1990 Royal Rumble (with an all-time quip from Jesse Ventura)! Also I’ll toss in one of his last WWF bouts (in fact, I’m sure it’s his last TV match), as he teams up with his charges the Beverly Brothers against Max Moon & High Energy!

WWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
HULK HOGAN vs. THE GENIUS:
(WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event, Oct. 31st 1989)
* This is a bizarre one- a total mismatch featuring Hogan going up against the former “Leapin'” Lanny Poffo, a low-tier babyface with a penchant for acrobatic moves like the futuristic “Moonsault”, now reimagined as a mincing, effeminate heel (I’ve heard tell this was Lanny’s idea to avoid getting fired). Hulk Hogan and his cocainey best proclaims to Mean Gene that “if he’s so darn smart, how come he doesn’t know that mathematically, he can’t win, brother?” See, it turns out that the “three demandments” (training/prayer/vitamins), plus the 24 inch pythons, times the millions of Hulkamaniacs = Victory. Dang he’s as good at math as Steiner. Good diction too, as he sputters “POETIC PROWESS?!” at Mean Gene’s assertion. Then counters with a Longfellowian poem “Roses are red/violets are blue/the Hulkster’s a wrestler- Genius WHAT ARE YOU?!”.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time around, we have a major NWA Title main event, as Harley Race defends the belt against ANDRE THE GIANT in Houston, Texas! It’s a good look at the way the NWA belt was defended in the U.S., and a good look at how the “NWA Style” was modified around a challenger like Andre, who wasn’t a technical marvel but was huge. Also, HARLEY SLAMS ANDRE!

Then it’s over to the AWA as Bruiser Brody & Nord the Barbarian (The Berzerker) team up against Verne Gagne’s son Greg and “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka in a Steel Cage Match! Over to 1993 WWF for a very “1993 WWF” match as a newly-returned Marty Jannetty takes on fading heel Papa Shango! And finally, it’s one of the most horrifyingly stiff matches in WWF history, as Faarooq & Bradshaw decided to beat a lesson into The Public Enemy in what turns out to be their last WWF match.

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
BEST TWO OF THREE FALLS:
HARLEY RACE vs. ANDRE THE GIANT:
(Houston, January 7th 1979)
* Oh yeah, it’s some old-school ANDRE THE GIANT content this time around. This is back when the Giant was still a guy travelling to different regions fighting everyone’s top guys, before Vince wanted him to stay put. Andre before he had a massive gut and could wear red trunks without looking horrifying, and Harley with his “Scary Uncle” facial hair and big beer belly. Andre has twice the body mass, though.

The Undertaker & Paul Bearer. In 1987. I had no idea.

I found more Jobber squashes! A combination of stiff squashes, huge botches that go on to be legends (everyone familiar with Triple H knows THIS one), and basic worked ass-kickings combine as we look at some of the bigger squashes you’ll see. I missed Maffew’s requests until I was done writing this one, but I can get to those next week!

So yes, come see one of the most notorious finisher botches around as Hunter Hearst-Helmsely faces Marty Garner! A great squash with scrawny, pasty geek Colin Delaney on WWE’s version of ECW getting annihilated by Bid Daddy V after the funniest “aw golly gee whiz” jobber promo ever! Rick Steiner doing his best to annihilate the big, burly Bubba Howard in WCW! And then it’s an all-time squash as Big Van Vader hits UWF-International in Japan and absolutely murders Tatsuo Nakano in a worked-shoot squash!

Also a rare shot of a JOBBER UNDERTAKER, as Mark Calaway does a rookie gimmick as “Texas Red”, a masked muscleman, as he jobs to Bruiser Brody… and unwisely starts CALLING SPOTS and fighting too rough with the grumpy veteran. And then the time Rick Rude splattered Jim Powers’s face with a flying ass slam

HUNTER HEARST-HELMSELY (w/ Regina Evans) vs. MARTY GARNER:
(WWF Superstars, 6/1/96)
* Another famous botch in this one. HHH at this point was being led to the ring by a different floozie every night (usually a local model, which they always take great care to name on-camera)- this time he actually makes out with her, which I don’t remember seeing much of. Garner is a skinny tanned guy with a ponytail and goatee- I love the pink & white tights, haha. Helmsley at this point was fairly tall and lanky-looking, with a far softer physique than his bloated roid one in later years. This is right around when he started getting punished for his part in the “Curtain Call”, as he’s about to fight Jake Roberts in the King of the Ring tournament on RAW.

Bam Bam Bigelow had a LOT of potentially huge runs in him, but something about him rubbed a ton of high-level people in wrestling the wrong way.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I’ve found two bouts from a Madison Square Garden card before the Hogan/Andre match for the Title, as Hogan teams up with his newest buddy, Bam Bam Bigelow, against Ted DiBiase and VIRGIL in a rare in-ring appearance for the Million Dollar Man’s bodyguard! Come watch a tour de force of heel selling by DiBiase, and just how jacked Virgil was in 1988. Following that it’s “The Rock”… Don Muraco vs. The One Man Gang in a match that looks more like the Gang was angling for another push.

Then it’s a bizarre request, as it’s the Battle of the Forgotten 1992 JTTS Gimmicks, as “Terrific” Terry Taylor and Lance Cassidy (Steve Armstrong in a cowboy gimmick) battle it out and kill time in epic fashion! Then it’s more of the Best of Well Dunn, as they actually make the spring of 1995, taking on the brand-new Blu Twins, Jacob & Eli!

HULK HOGAN & BAM BAM BIGELOW (w/ Oliver Humperdink) vs. “THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN” TED DIBIASE & VIRGIL (w/ Andre the Giant):
(WWF in MSG, Jan. 1988)
* The Million Dollar Corporation EXPLODES as DiBiase & Bam Bam face each other… four years before BBB became part of one of the worst stables of all time. Here, Bigelow is still a top-ranked “Hogan Buddy” before his own attitude and politics would jettison the thousands of $$$ he’d have made betraying his pal later in the year, and Hogan is still World Champion. At this point, Virgil was only barely trained and only occasionally wrestled on TV- here he’s in long red tights and HOLY SHIT was he jacked in 1988. Like he maybe has the best physique in the company.

Mr. Hughes was a guy who showed up in WCW and the WWF yet never got above “midcarder” despite his size. He’s become a more respected trainer, with trainees include AEW’s A.R. Fox & Kiera Hogan, plus Heath Slater, Dexter Lumis, Jonathan Gresham & Apollo Crews.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have a pretty crazy assortment of stuff, leading off WCW as Sting & The Steiner Brothers face Big Van Vader, Cactus Jack & Mr. Hughes! Then it’s the British Bulldogs in 1989 All Japan, as they take on the Malenko Brothers- Joe and future star Dean! Then the insanity of WWF Shotgun Saturday Night‘s debut, as they wrestle in a tiny ring in a dark New York nightclub… it’s The Godwinns vs. The Flying Nuns! Yeah, the Headbangers in a one-off weirdo gimmick that I still don’t understand the point of. Then finally, it’s more of “The Best of Well Dunn” as they take on Virgil & Steve Fox. Yes, poor Virgil gets stuck with the “teaming with jobber” duties.

STING & THE STEINER BROTHERS (Rick & Scott Steiner) vs. BIG VAN VADER, CACTUS JACK & MR. HUGHES (w/ Harley Race):
(WCW The Main Event, Feb 9th 1992)
* Oh hell yes!! What a bizarre mish-mash of guys! The top babyfaces of WCW against the top heel, the wild brawler Cactus, and the weird flash in the pan Mr. Hughes, who bounced around various companies, never mattering in any of them. Vader’s in the usual red & Black, Cactus is in mostly black, Hughes has his trademark white dress shirt, black slacks and sunglasses, while Sting’s in white, Rick’s in a multicolored paint-splatter singlet & Scott’s in a black/green one.

What ’80s jobbers see every time they close their eyes.

Hey look! I’m back with more horrific squashes! I was intending last week’s thing to be a one-off as I couldn’t otherwise think of what to do with those bouts (they’re hardly Dream Matches), but people noted a whole ton more! So here we are with Volume 2!

This week: The Legion of Doom rapidly tire of a fat jobber’s inability to take a clothesline right! Rick Rude in a famous bout where he works REALLY tight with poor Mark Starr! The Moondogs have way too much fun abusing the job guys of Memphis, Tennessee! Oh, and the time the Beverly Brothers absolutely murdered a poor bastard with the Shaker Heights Spike. We end with Paul Orndorff absolutely slaughtering a jobber in a way that looks more vicious than it actually was, then hits one of the greatest delusional heel promos in history immediately following it!

THE ROAD WARRIORS (Hawk & Animal, w/ “Precious” Paul Ellering) vs. RON ROSSI & GEORGE SOUTH:
(NWA World Wide Wrestling, June 22nd 1985)
* From way, way back, comes the early days of the Road Warriors, when they were in plain black tights and had more colorful facepaint. Hawk says “we don’t got nothin’ but rippling muscle, with which we are going to tear the Russians apart” which is a tremendous combination of “English Major” and “uneducated moron” grammar. Animal just screams “WE HATE RUSSIANS!”. They’re actually mentioned as being the AWA Tag Champs despite this being an NWA show. And now it’s time to destroy some jobbers. Both have amazing jobber looks- South’s pasty and hairy with a curly 1985 mullet and ‘stache, while Rossi’s just a big chubby guy. Both are in black trunks.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a hell of a find- a Mirror Match between Bruiser Brody and the guy who lifted all his stuff- Nord the Barbarian! Turns out they were old tag partners and occasional opponents, making that less of a theft and more of a “trainee” thing! But come see a mega-roided future Berzerker take on his elder self in Windy City Wrestling in 1988!

Next up, I have the most “1994” match ever, as Adam Bomb and the Smoking Gunns take on Kwang & Well Dunn- the Wippleman Dream Team. Next up is “Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich in his final televised WWF match against the Repo Man! Finally, I knock out a lucha match I reviewed ages ago as El Hijo Del Santo, Latin Lover & Heavy Metal face La Parka, Fuerza Guerrera & Blue Panther!

KING KONG BRUISER BRODY vs. NORD THE BARBARIAN:
(Windy City Wrestling, 1988?)
* !!!!!!!!!!! Completely wild! Bruiser Brody, shortly before he died, and he’s up against the guy who lifted nearly all his shit in John Nord (aka The Berzerker). They were actually tag partners in 1986 AWA, mentioned here, so it’s actually somewhat natural that Nord became one of the “Brody Clones”. The video quality here is NOT good, but Brody has black trunks and longer hair, and is less toned than a 25-ish Nord, who has short curly hair and brown trunks.

THE BEST OF WRESTLERS SLAUGHTERING JOBBERS:
* Okay, so there’s a long, proud history of wrestlers taking liberties with job guys who piss them off for some reason, so I figured I’d find a handful of them. I can only imagine at the backstories to some of this- wrestlers being giant liars and all, it’s tricky to find out just WHY some of these dudes apparently had to die, but boy you can tell when it happens.

KOKO WARE vs. THE MASKED PATRIOT:
(Memphis, 1985)
* An infamous one where Koko just trucks a guy. Koko’s short, squat and muscular in red tights with white trunks over them, and the jobber is some pasty white guy in a blue singlet and a red mask & trunks, with white boots. Well I guess he has the colors, but he’s too cheap to buy stars for his gear?

Truly a main event in any arena in the country!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one is a pretty wild assortment of mostly tag team matches, but I start off with a request, as the eternally underrated Mike Enos spends the last of his WWF career doing jobs as a solo act, as he’s one of the few “name” guys send to job to the new 1-2-3 Kid! Come see good ol’ Blake Beverly pull out some very unique offense for 1993 WWF against the hot young star!

Then we hit another 1993 oddity, as the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express invade the WWF to take on Well Dunn! They wrestle a pretty classic example of a “Southern Tag Match”, probably owing to the heels being part of Smoky Mountain Wrestling at the time as well. We get the second match in a week of Terry & Dory Funk vs. Stan Hansen & Bruiser Brody from All Japan as well- a sequel to a match from last week’s column! And finally, it’s another request: “Dirty” Dick Slater & Bunkhouse Buck vs. Men At Work! A jobber duo of Chris Kanyon (pre-Mortis) and Mark Starr doing their duties on the D-shows against a heel team just about to be done.

THE 1-2-3 KID vs. BLAKE BEVERLY:
(WWF RAW, July 5th 1993)
* A request! And a great “wow, that happened?” match, as the 1-2-3 Kid’s run was just starting, and I do NOT remember his career crossing over with that of the Beverlies. This was when Blake (Mike Enos) was kicking around for a couple months as a solo act, in that “Kato” role as “a guy we’re pretending is an actual star so you can be tricked into thinking this is a real Featured Match between stars instead of a jobber match”. A big dude, Blake looked merely average-sized in the monstrous WWF, and had no charisma, so he was sunk, no matter how surprisingly good he was. The Kid has MASSIVELY cheap gear on, a blue singlet covered in numbers and “KID” in giant ’90s yellow writing.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a bunch off stuff, led off by Bret Hart vs. The Berzerker for the WWF Title! After that, it’s a request for the Motor City Machine Guns (Sabin & Shelley) vs. Finn Balor & Ryusuke Taguchi for the IWGP Jr. Tag Titles in New Japan! I also check the Funk/Hansen feud again, as it’s Terry & Dory Funk vs. Stan Hansen & Bruiser Brody! And the best of Well Dunn continues, as they get a shot at the WWF Tag Team Titles, as they face Fatu & Samu- the Headshrinkers!

WWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
BRET “HITMAN” HART vs. THE BERZERKER (w/ Mr. Fuji):
(WWF Wrestling Challenge, Nov. 1992)
* Bret Hart defends his newly-won WWF Title against the Berzerker in Regina, Saskatchewan, proving himself to be the “Fightingest Champion in WWF History”, as his M.O. at the time was to build credibility and respect by a constant stream of TV wins over the entire lower and midcard. As he had recently been just an IC-tier guy, it was pretty brilliant, especially as a key component of his act was being a more “human” guy in a world of cartoons, and his best aspect was his in-ring skill vs. his promos- this could then be shown off more often.

Rick Rude, Ultimate Warrior & Chris Masters were all “Physique Guys”, but none of them could have ACTUALLY won Mr. Universe. Atlas… actually could have. His “Mr. USA” nickname was actually a shoot- he really won that competition (thrice!).

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time- a request, as The Incredible Hulk Hogan takes on “Mr. USA” Tony Atlas in two different matches in 1981! This is a heel Hulk Hogan and Atlas, one of the most authentically “Mr. Universe”-ready wrestlers of all time. I’ve never seen Atlas in his athletic prime, so here I’ll see if he’s any good (um… haha)!

Also up is another part of the legendary “Tape Trading For Sabu” series, as he takes on Chris Candido again in a Ladder Match! WrestleMania X saw an ass-ton of Ladder Matches in its wake and this was… one of them. Then it’s more Well Dunn goodness, as they team up with BLAKE BEVERLY to take on Tatanka & The Steiner Brothers! Yeah, early in their run, they’re set up to die by teaming with a solo tag wrestler against actually pushed acts. And finally, I throw in Papa Shango vs. The Repo Man in a rare Heel vs. Heel featured match on WWF TV!

THE INCREDIBLE HULK HOGAN (w/ Classy Freddie Blassie) vs. “MR. USA” TONY ATLAS:
(March 16th 1981)
* This is a feud from the 1981 run of Hulk Hogan in the WWF, back when he was a smirking heel under Blassie. In a separate YouTube video, Atlas gives a good, if stumbly, “humble babyface” promo where he talks about how he loves working out, but wrestling is more than big muscles and you have to know your way around the ring, then Vince badgers him into posing to show off said big muscles. He indeed has monstrous arms and a huge chest, with a pretty small (if under-toned) waist. Skips leg day, though. But in comes Hogan & Blassie- Hogan, in a much less gravelly voice than I’m used to, talks down the physique of “this brown clown right here”, then repeatedly tells the “boy” that he can’t even shine his shoes- Tony shoves him back, proclaiming “My momma didn’t raise no BOY- she raised a 6’2″ 250-lb. MAN!” and it’s on.

Boy, I hope you guys like Well Dunn, because I went on a tear of YouTube clips featuring the lowest-tier heel team in WWF history! My god, they faced the Blus, Headshrinkers, and did all sorts of trios matches! This column will be a veritable “Best of Well Dunn”! I bet you can’t WAIT!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! I fill this one with a handful of oddities today, as we get an ever-rare “Bret & Owen Hart in a tag team” match, as they dress like a real tag team and take on an actual team in the bottom-tier Well Dunn shortly before the “Hart Brothers vs. Not-Jerry Lawler and His Knights” Survivor Series match!

After that, it’s a follow-up to last week’s column, as Terry Funk & Stan Hansen meet each other again, this time with Dory Funk Jr. backing up his brother and Terry Gordy backing up Stan! Then it’s something that’s apparently an old tape-trader classic, as the “Gotta get all the Sabu matches we can find!” days saw a lot of Sabu vs. Chris Candido matches on fancams! Oh, and I didn’t want this to be only three matches long, so I stick in a WCW Prime jobber match- “Dirty” Dick Slater & Bunkhouse Buck vs. Los Especialistas! I was hoping they’d be some interesting Luchadores… but no.

BRET & OWEN HART vs. WELL DUNN (Timothy Well & Steven Dunn, w/ Harvey Whippleman):
(WWF Wrestling Challenge, Nov 14th 1993)
* Hahahaha HELL YES, couldn’t find Harts vs. Steiners on YouTube, but I have THIS! Well Dunn were two indie tag guys just slapped in singlets with goofy thongs over top and thrown out there to die as a “Fake Featured” tag team that just jobbed to all the top ones. I didn’t realize they’d been fed to the Harts. They’re in black singlets & purple thongs this week, and hey, wasn’t Well in better shape? He looks pasty and with no physique here. Of more interest is the Hart Brothers’ matching outfits- Bret’s in all pink (his regular look temporarily) and Owen’s in all BLUE, dropping his parachute pants and lacking the black singlet he’d later wear for the rest of his life. For “Gear Nerds” like me, that’s a very unique look, especially as a duo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2pH7B_NoK0&t=858s&ab_channel=PavelDurak

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this time I have a hell of a brawl for you, as Terry Funk shows just why he may be the greatest seller of all time in a brutal bloodbath against the monstrous Stan Hansen in 1983 All Japan!

I’ll also get to another request, as I visit two Attitude Era matches featuring the Hardy Boyz vs. Too Cool, back when Too Cool was a reliable “Secondary Contender” team in the very heated WWF tag team ranks! Also, a sequel to one of my “Halloween Eve” reviews, as Damian 666, El Espectro Jr., Karis La Momia (a mummy!) & Halloween take on Pierroth Jr. and three Villanos! And finally, I throw in one last Kurasawa (Manabu Nakanishi in WCW) match, as I find him facing Sting in a long WCW Saturday Night contest!

STAN HANSEN vs. TERRY FUNK:
(All Japan, 1983)
* Ohhhhhhh yeah- I’ve seen very little 1980s AJPW, but Terry & Hansen were HUGE back in the day, with the crowds adoring them beyond all other foreign wrestlers. Terry had an emotional connection with the fans, while Hansen just had them in a combination of amusement and awe. The crowd absolutely mobs Terry when he comes down, but holy god to they part ways for STAN, who swings wildly and blindly. Both guys are in black trunks, with Stan dwarfing Terry- it’s so weird seeing Funk with big muscles, though- my only memories are of him as this old man. He’s still giving up a LOT of mass to the burly Hansen, though.

Davey Boy Smith was certainly a powerhouse! The British Bulldog lifts Big Van Vader and Mabel!
byu/CaliSasuke inSquaredCircle

Rope-assisted or not, JESUS CHRIST.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one I have a varied set of tag matches, interspersed with a terrible singles match! We start off with a random TV tag match between the newly-heel Men on a Mission and the Allied Powers (Lex Luger & British Bulldog), largely inessential save for one of the absolute motherfuckingest strength spots I’ve ever seen in wrestling on the part of Davey-Boy.

I also take an interesting look at the mentor figures of two guys we’re a lot more familiar with outside of Mexico, as it’s Rey Mysterio & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Fuerza & Juventud Guerrera! Yes, our beloved Rey with his uncle, teaming up against a very young Juice and his own dad (who was a POWER wrestler, believe it or not!). Then it’s a request, as the “Million Dollar Corporation” gets a prelude as Ted DiBiase takes on Nikolai Volkoff in 1990 for one of Volkoff’s last matches before he left for a while. And finally, we have the last few minutes of a semi-infamous Hart Foundation vs. Legion of Doom match- an all-time Dream Match that Bret says was ruined by Hawk downing some somas immediately beforehand. It’s mostly interesting as an historical curiosity (and for a pretty great finish, actually).

MEN ON A MISSION (Mabel & Mo) vs. THE ALLIED POWERS (Lex Luger & British Bulldog):
(WWF TV, May 14th 1995)
* A wild match setting up the newly-heel Men on a Mission (pre-King Mabel) against the Allied Powers- a “Superteam” of sorts that just never got that big push. The M.O.M. have shifted their gear to add black to the purple & gold scheme, while Lex & Bulldog are in matching red white & blue gear with their own flags.