PN News in his “No, I can STILL MAKE IT!” “Editing his own Wikipedia bio” phase.
Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a weird smorgasbord of stuff for you, as 1991 WCW sees something I’ve been missing in this column- a FAT MAN STAND-OFF as it’s future megastar Steve Austin as “Stunning” Steve teaming with Big Van Vader (still new to WCW) against midcard squad P.N. News and Z-Man (Tom Zenk)! Then it’s the last match I could find in my “Best of Well Dunn” sequence… as Steven Dunn pops up as a SHOTGUN jobber teaming with Reno Riggins against the just-starting-to-work-it-out Hardy Boyz in 1998!
Then it’s some 1993 WWF RAW action as “Macho Man” Randy Savage faces Headshrinker Fatu in one of those “tag guy as a solo JTTS” matches! And sure enough- they do the “Savage Template”. And I take another look at Dragon Gate, as Shingo Takagi takes on BxB Hulk! Then finally it’s a request- Chris Jericho & Jim Powers vs. Rough & Ready! Yes, it’s the weirdest cross-section of WCW possible, with future legend Jericho teaming with never-was 1980s jobber Powers against washed-up Dick Slater and “Dream Matches MVP” Mike Enos!
“STUNNING” STEVE AUSTIN & BIG VAN VADER (w/ Lady Blossom) vs. P.N. NEWS & Z-MAN:
(WCW, Nov. 16th 1991)
* A crazy Dream Match featuring WCW’s biggest Monster Heel teaming with future superstar Austin, against a pair of guys who became known as joke midcard acts- News is a big fat white guy acting like a rapper while Z-Man is Tom Zenk in a midcard role. Both are in neon green to let you know what year this is- Zenk in trunks and News in a singlet. Austin’s a generic robed heel in black shorts while Vader’s got a steam-shooting helmet on but hasn’t really “completed” his act, exactly- he even takes his mask entirely off before the match.
Austin/Zenk trade simple stuff to start, stalling for time as Austin complains of cheating- they do solid arm work until News comes in and can only do a simple “arm twist” and shake his ass. Austin’s scientific wrestling is countered by obesity, and he gets whipped into a powerslam. And then… yes… it’s a FAT MAN STAND-OFF!! Vader is taller, while News is more rotund. Sadly there are no no-sold shoulderblocks, as Vader just starts bear-pawing News and hits an avalanche and a short-arm clothesline to bring him down. He casually hits a slam and some headbutts, but misses another clothesline and gets peppered with jabs and a much worse avalanche (Vader just DIVES onto a guy; News just does a short skip-run and hugs them). Slam & elbow hits, and Z-man adds dropkicks, only for News to run in and do his own to send Vader over the top rope!
Z-Man just charges right into a clothesline, though, and Austin gutwrench suplexes him and throws him into a Vader Attack. Press slam & powerslam gets two, and Austin briefly eats a cross-body off a criss-cross for two, but hauls him back down- Z-Man fights out of a chinlock into a double-down, and the Rapmaster comes in and Austin bumps like mad for him. News hits a back body drop hold thing and Vader breaks up the pin, but gets knocked down by Z-Man- News slams Austin and goes up to hit the Rapmaster Splash (just flopping off onto him), but Vader uses the distraction with Z-Man to hit a simple elbow and Austin just puts his hand on News for the win (10:07). Pretty weak ending- Vader’s a big dude but a simple elbowdrop finishes a guy as big as News?
An interesting little tag match, Austin & Vader each doing half the work while it’s mostly Z-Man eating the heat sequence. He’s quite quick and nimble even here (very Santana-like in a lot of ways) but lacks charisma, but pales before Austin, who’s just dead-on and crisp with everything, and knows how to bounce around for all the offense. News has weak offense but knows how to taunt guys and doesn’t embarrass himself, either (but he’s obviously reliant on the heels bouncing off of him). Vader’s a funny one, as he’s not quite as credible yet so he’s bouncing around for PN NEWS of all people. I have a feeling that in short order this’d have been a squash.
Rating: **1/2 (perfectly ordinary tag team match)
The Hardy Boyz, circa 1998, juuuuuuuuuuuust starting to get emphasized on WWF TV.
THE HARDY BOYZ (Matt & Jeff Hardy) vs. STEVEN DUNN & RENO RIGGINS:
(WWF Shotgun Saturday Night, Nov. 28th 1998)
* Okay, now THIS is a weird one. The Hardy Boyz in the VERY early days of their run as featured guys on WWF TV, taking on a jobber squad, one of whom is Steven Dunn of “Well Dunn” fame (well not FAME, but you know what I mean). Seeing Steve Doll on WWF TV in the Attitude Era is incredibly bizarre. The Hardyz are in some GOD-AWFUL tie-dye tights with headbands, while Riggins & Dunn shockingly have MATCHING GEAR, meaning they were regularly doing this (they were “The Tennessee Volunteers” in Music City Wrestling, apparently). Both are now kinda squat, roided guys in black singlets with blue bands with blue “blood” trickling down the midsection.
The Volunteers attack before the bell, but get clotheslined down and stereo monkey-flips see Dunn landing on Riggins, and double-dropkicks put the jobbers on the floor. Stereo pescados keep up the fan excitement, and a legsweep/2nd-rope elbow get two on Riggins. Jeff gets a bad triple-jump moonsault that nonetheless impresses (hitting Reno’s thighs). Dunn gets a clothesline from the apron (hah, he’s still doing that) when Jeff misses a charge, and a powerslam out of the corner gets two. He hits the chinlock, setting up a couple of failed corner charges so Jeff can get the hot tag- Matt takes so long for his fired up comeback that poor Dunn has to stand there and wait for him to finish attacking Riggins, but the Hardys are reverse-whipped right into each other! Okay, wasn’t expecting that. But Riggins dumps Matt and ends up going into the post, so Matt (still legal) flies off the top with a sunset flip to Dunn for the win (4:02).
This was interesting, because while it was largely just a platform for the Hardyz to do MOVEZ and impress people, putting them into the minds of the fans as they were gonna start getting a push on RAW, it was more of a standard match with some trusted indie guys running the “meat” of it. Well, Riggins was- Dunn barely hit the ring at all. And the match was unpredictable, with the Hardyz failing after a hot tag, and only some more high-flying and heel miscalculation got the sudden win. This effectively portrays the Hardyz as “rising jobbers”- still vulnerable and not an elite squad just yet, but they have the speed and flying to surprise people.
Rating: ** (more or less a couple minutes of flashy Hardy stuff, two minutes of generic heel offense, and then a hot tag into a tease then a surprise finish)
I feel like even by 1993, it was apparent Fatu was the superior Headshrinker. You know how kids always had an opinion which guy on a tag team was “better” (mine: Smash, Bret, Scott Steiner, Animal)? Fatu was the clear choice.
“MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE vs. HEADSHRINKER FATU (w/ Afa):
(WWF Raw, Dec. 3rd 1993)
* Oh yes, it’s MACHO MAN back when Vince was actively making him look like a midcarder, here with beautiful purple kaleidoscope tights under his neon green cowboy outfit, and he’s up in a “tag guy in a singles match” Featured Bout (ie. an obvious win but technically above a jobber squash). Stuff like this is why I always assumed Fatu was the “better” of the two Headshrinkers, as he tended to get the singles matches and the most heat in tags.
Savage is repeatedly trying to charge in before the bell while Cornette puts over how unhinged and dangerous he is- he starts hot, but Fatu pounds him down repeatedly, hitting headbutts to stop comebacks, then no-selling the mat slam and immediately nailing the thrust kick. Savage ends up splayed out on the ring steps after getting slammed into them, but he tries the same move on Fatu… and again eats a thrust kick. Savage is being given NOTHING and goes into the post, but Fatu stalls for a minute before dropping a headbutt for two. Savage goes to the eyes & backdrops him, but goes out over the top himself and Afa adds a shot on the floor. Fatu uses Afa’s club via a distraction, getting two, but hits a backbreaker and goes up- Savage crotches him and hits the axehandle to the floor! Fatu takes a good bump into the guardrail and then does the 360 spin off a clothesline, Savage wipes out Afa on his way to the top, then finishes with the Flying Elbow at (5:33). Classic Savage Template.
These matches are tricky ones, because the Savage Template is kind of lazy, albeit full of great “omg I’m ded” selling. It both puts the guy over but makes him look dull-witted for getting all that offense in yet still losing handily once Savage gets going. But Fatu did most of his spots (he kept that 360 sell going his whole career) and hit his moves well, even if he did the classic “stall for time” Strike Then Walk Around Then Strike Again stuff. Few guys were better once they got a surge doing than Savage, and Fatu & Afa were good enough to bump around for him, so this was fine.
Rating: **1/4 (basic everyday Savage Template Match, with good selling by Fatu)
As you can see, Dragon Gate had a bit of a rep as a “Pretty Man” company. SHOCKINGLY, they have/had a pretty sizable lady fanbase.
SHINGO TAKAGI (w/ some old guy in eyeshadow) vs. BxB HULK:
(Dragon Gate, King of Gate 2017)
* So I wanted to check out some other Dragon Gate, and found a singles match that’s like 20 minutes long. Both these guys are in their late 30s here, so it probably won’t be as peppy as the 2006 Trios match I saw, but I should check out the solo work. I’ve never seen either before- BxB Hulk (pronounced like “B.B. Hulk-uu”) is a skinny pretty boy with silver pants, while Takagi is a burly-looking 220-ish lb. guy with the hair that got Don Mattingly kicked off of the power plant’s softball team. Oh wait this dude’s a big New Japan guy now with tons of ***** ratings from Meltzer. Yes this is my first time seeing him shut up.
They establish the game quickly, with Shingo using shoulder-rams and other “small guy power stuff” with heel mannerisms while BBH keeps sliding out of stuff and doing a high kick into a springboard missile kick to put Shingo on the floor. Shingo bails for a while while some poor lady just wants to take her seat but is like “Oh no I’m on camera” and has to hide behind him- BBH eventually lands on knees trying a standing moonsault and gets clotheslined to the floor and they go for a walk through the fans and Shingo splats his back with a chair and follows with a powerbomb on the floor! Shingo, a total asshole, “revives” him with the rejuvenating puro water and throws the bottle at him, taunting him to get up, then cracks the back of his head with the chair seat that broke off. This finally wakes up BBH, who lights into him with this flurry combo and beats up the goons, then counters a briefcase shot and blasts him with it. But after a delay, he’s held up and Shingo nails his leg with the case and hits a dragon screw off the apron. Chair to the knee in the tree of woe! Shingo works the knee a bit, but gets spinkicked off the top to the floor and BBH hits a great somersault dive (though kinda misses him but it’s sold).
Springboard spinkick and a bunch of theatrical kicks have Shingo reeling, but he Flair Tosses BBH off the top and hits a sliding clothesline for two. He stalls by selling shock and annoyance, and hits a couple more clotheslines, but tries a fireman’s move and gets countered to a pumphandle powerslam on the apron. He stuffs one in the ring and works the leg again, but BBH keeps countering clotheslines with kicks until Shingo finally catches one- BBH way sells a clothesline in the corner and eats the Last Falconry (wrist-clutch michinoku driver w/ leg cradle)- Shingo’s finisher- for two! He tries another, but BBH reverses to the E.V.O. (pumphandle flipping slam) into a double-down. Shingo hoists him up top, but BBH counters with an over-the-shoulder superplex side-slam thing- BBH sets his dazed opponent up for his finisher (First Flash- superkick to kneeling opponent), but Shingo catches the foot, clotheslines him, BBH spinkicks him, then Shingo flips him over with ANOTHER clothesline, only to eat the First Flash! That gets two, and they trade strikes and follow each other on a rope-run, BBH hitting a backflip back body drop into a pin for two, but Shingo blocks another First Flash, smashes the knee, then cradles the arm and rolls him forward for a flash pin at (19:41).
A very solid match with two quite different opponents- Shingo has that “Universal Puro Style” despite being pretty small, hitting power stuff and clotheslines along with heelish cheating, while BxB Hulk relies on these big, swooping spinkicks like a video game character, as well as some well-timed flip moves. They pad the match pretty well, doing a lot of standing around and taunting (at least 5 minutes of this runtime is spent just with Shingo just hanging around ringside). Though it’s weird having Shingo target the leg again and again and BxB Hulk not selling so much as pain or limping, even as it plays into the finish. His theatrics to get into the First Flash seemed to keep catching him, making it easy for Shingo to counter, and that ultimately got him pinned.
Rating: ***1/2 (very solid match, albeit heavily padded and with weird psychology)
I’ll take “WCW Teams I Had No Idea Existed” for $100, Alex.
CHRIS JERICHO & JIM POWERS (w/ Teddy Long) vs. ROUGH & READY (“Dirty” Dick Slater & Mike Enos):
(WCW Saturday Night, Sept 28th 1996)
* Hahaha, man, what fresh hell is THIS? Dorky Babyface Chris Jericho teams with jobber Jim Powers (but a jobber with a MANAGER!) against two bottom-tier heels. And… wait, this was Rough & Ready? I must have heard about this but forgot- I didn’t know Enos was packaged as a tag guy at this point. Both have matching long pants and leather jackets with snakes on the back like the South Side Serpents from “Little Archie”. Slater’s physique is a shit-show at this point, looking like the worst stereotypes of Southern wrasslers. Enos is in shape but generic, with a crew-cut and no facial hair this time. Jericho’s in black & yellow tights and a vest, and Powers has a rainbow/black/red singlet on. Nick Patrick is the ref, and they’re doing a feud with him & Jericho at this point.
Slater & Jericho trade basics and miss moves, and there’s a weird bit where Enos goes into the corner to prevent Dick from hitting it too hard on a whip- he does a scream into a Cactus Clothesline to the floor, then hits a neckbreaker but misses his falling headbutt. Powers with the mild tag and he hits his dizzying array of 1980s offense (shots to the turnbuckle! Back body drop! Clothesline!), and Slater breaks up the pin so Jericho attacks him. Enos reverses a whip to the corner and does a clumsy backslide (Powers is so roided it’s hard to get up under his arms), putting both feet on the ropes for the three (3:06). Tony & Dusty call out Nick looking straight at Enos’s legs. Patrick screws Jericho again! Tony interviews Patrick later, who dismisses it as “ridiculous”. This would culminate in a “One arm tied behind his back” PPV match between Jericho & Patrick.
Rating: * (barely-there tag match- all of three minutes and no offense you wouldn’t see in 1985)