Articles by Jabroniville — page 4

Truly a main event in any arena in the country!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one is a pretty wild assortment of mostly tag team matches, but I start off with a request, as the eternally underrated Mike Enos spends the last of his WWF career doing jobs as a solo act, as he’s one of the few “name” guys send to job to the new 1-2-3 Kid! Come see good ol’ Blake Beverly pull out some very unique offense for 1993 WWF against the hot young star!

Then we hit another 1993 oddity, as the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express invade the WWF to take on Well Dunn! They wrestle a pretty classic example of a “Southern Tag Match”, probably owing to the heels being part of Smoky Mountain Wrestling at the time as well. We get the second match in a week of Terry & Dory Funk vs. Stan Hansen & Bruiser Brody from All Japan as well- a sequel to a match from last week’s column! And finally, it’s another request: “Dirty” Dick Slater & Bunkhouse Buck vs. Men At Work! A jobber duo of Chris Kanyon (pre-Mortis) and Mark Starr doing their duties on the D-shows against a heel team just about to be done.

THE 1-2-3 KID vs. BLAKE BEVERLY:
(WWF RAW, July 5th 1993)
* A request! And a great “wow, that happened?” match, as the 1-2-3 Kid’s run was just starting, and I do NOT remember his career crossing over with that of the Beverlies. This was when Blake (Mike Enos) was kicking around for a couple months as a solo act, in that “Kato” role as “a guy we’re pretending is an actual star so you can be tricked into thinking this is a real Featured Match between stars instead of a jobber match”. A big dude, Blake looked merely average-sized in the monstrous WWF, and had no charisma, so he was sunk, no matter how surprisingly good he was. The Kid has MASSIVELY cheap gear on, a blue singlet covered in numbers and “KID” in giant ’90s yellow writing.

It’s a double-thing this week, as I take a look at a 20+ minute match between dethroned champ Manami Toyota and JWP’s Hiromi Yagi from one of the earliest shows of 1997! And then it’s a re-watch of Manami vs. Kaoru Ito from March’s Wrestling Queendom 1997, and a recap of the rest of the show.

MANAMI TOYOTA (AJW) vs. HIROMI YAGI (JWP):
(JWP, Jan. 8th 1997)
* Okay, here’s an interesting one! Some guy is uploading stuff in a “Best of Manami Toyota” collection and I randomly found this one from Jan. 1997 against Hiromi Yagi. Yagi at this point is still in the undercard of JWP, but possibly a bit higher, and Toyota is now in her “Rookie-Destroyer” phase even as she is considering retirement. Yagi’s in black tights with a black top that has a weird purple collar on it, while Manami’s in the usual black.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a bunch off stuff, led off by Bret Hart vs. The Berzerker for the WWF Title! After that, it’s a request for the Motor City Machine Guns (Sabin & Shelley) vs. Finn Balor & Ryusuke Taguchi for the IWGP Jr. Tag Titles in New Japan! I also check the Funk/Hansen feud again, as it’s Terry & Dory Funk vs. Stan Hansen & Bruiser Brody! And the best of Well Dunn continues, as they get a shot at the WWF Tag Team Titles, as they face Fatu & Samu- the Headshrinkers!

WWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
BRET “HITMAN” HART vs. THE BERZERKER (w/ Mr. Fuji):
(WWF Wrestling Challenge, Nov. 1992)
* Bret Hart defends his newly-won WWF Title against the Berzerker in Regina, Saskatchewan, proving himself to be the “Fightingest Champion in WWF History”, as his M.O. at the time was to build credibility and respect by a constant stream of TV wins over the entire lower and midcard. As he had recently been just an IC-tier guy, it was pretty brilliant, especially as a key component of his act was being a more “human” guy in a world of cartoons, and his best aspect was his in-ring skill vs. his promos- this could then be shown off more often.

Hokuto with her weird “Gas Mask/Michael Jackson” gear, fronted by Sonny Onoo, Eric Bischoff’s friend and manager to all Japanese heels in WCW.

JOSHI IN WCW (1997):
* And we’re back with more of WCW’s Women’s Division! So in early 1997, they try to make a “go” of the division, largely by having Akira Hokuto and Madusa feud, occasionally with Hokuto’s ally (enemy in GAEA) KAORU getting involved, and GAEA Japan’s Meiko Satomura & Sonoko Kato brought in a jobbers to the heels, and Malia Hosaka (of Japanese descent, but a Hawaiian trained in the U.S.) as a general jobber. But we also bring in Toshie Uematsu, and she gets the one WCW Title NOBODY ever remembers (as a 30-something, I learned of its existence and went “whhaaaaat?”)!

Ironically WCW attempts their Women’s Division around the same time joshi in Japan is about to go through INCREDIBLE disarray, but we’re not quite at AJW’s bankruptcy just yet. It’s mostly “Madusa & Hosaka with GAEA Japan”, and never improves with any homegrown talent.

Akira Hokuto has oddly become the first Champion- given how Madusa (always in her two-piece American flat outfit to show off her figure) was carried as the division’s “Ace” this feels peculiar, but is likely part of why GAEA agreed to it, and it at least gives Madusa someone to chase and a credible enemy instead of Madusa winning the tournament and the fans thus not buying ANYONE against her. And the division is gone before the summer ends- shockingly, it’s belts become defended in Japan!

AKIRA HOKUTO (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. MADUSA:
(WCW Worldwide, Jan. 12th 1997)
* A Starrcade rematch on the D-show (thus, it’s non-title)- Akira’s in green & Madusa’s in the usual.

Rick Rude, Ultimate Warrior & Chris Masters were all “Physique Guys”, but none of them could have ACTUALLY won Mr. Universe. Atlas… actually could have. His “Mr. USA” nickname was actually a shoot- he really won that competition (thrice!).

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time- a request, as The Incredible Hulk Hogan takes on “Mr. USA” Tony Atlas in two different matches in 1981! This is a heel Hulk Hogan and Atlas, one of the most authentically “Mr. Universe”-ready wrestlers of all time. I’ve never seen Atlas in his athletic prime, so here I’ll see if he’s any good (um… haha)!

Also up is another part of the legendary “Tape Trading For Sabu” series, as he takes on Chris Candido again in a Ladder Match! WrestleMania X saw an ass-ton of Ladder Matches in its wake and this was… one of them. Then it’s more Well Dunn goodness, as they team up with BLAKE BEVERLY to take on Tatanka & The Steiner Brothers! Yeah, early in their run, they’re set up to die by teaming with a solo tag wrestler against actually pushed acts. And finally, I throw in Papa Shango vs. The Repo Man in a rare Heel vs. Heel featured match on WWF TV!

THE INCREDIBLE HULK HOGAN (w/ Classy Freddie Blassie) vs. “MR. USA” TONY ATLAS:
(March 16th 1981)
* This is a feud from the 1981 run of Hulk Hogan in the WWF, back when he was a smirking heel under Blassie. In a separate YouTube video, Atlas gives a good, if stumbly, “humble babyface” promo where he talks about how he loves working out, but wrestling is more than big muscles and you have to know your way around the ring, then Vince badgers him into posing to show off said big muscles. He indeed has monstrous arms and a huge chest, with a pretty small (if under-toned) waist. Skips leg day, though. But in comes Hogan & Blassie- Hogan, in a much less gravelly voice than I’m used to, talks down the physique of “this brown clown right here”, then repeatedly tells the “boy” that he can’t even shine his shoes- Tony shoves him back, proclaiming “My momma didn’t raise no BOY- she raised a 6’2″ 250-lb. MAN!” and it’s on.

Yes, current legend Meiko Satomura actually has WCW Nitro appearances. Wrestling is weird.

JOSHI IN WCW (1996):
* And now I take a look at a pretty weird time for WCW- that early 1997 period where they actually try to have a WOMEN’S DIVISION! This actually slips between the WWF’s two big ’90s attempts at it, as the “Alundra Blayze and one heel” era and “Sable and one heel, then pra & panties matches”- this is the time when Madusa showed up in WCW, dumping the WWF Women’s Title in the trashcan, and then acting as a central star in the WCW women’s division… in which she never wins the belt. Yeah, instead AKIRA HOKUTO is the champion, which creates a pretty strange situation.

Unfortunately since these matches are all WWE property now, I can’t post them here, but YouTube has them all! Alas, I’m missing the big PPV matches (all two or three of them, I guess?) so this and next week’s column will both be a tad incomplete.

The Women’s Division:
-So the women’s division was pretty much just the GAEA Japan promotion in WCW, mixed with Madusa and Japanese-American wrestler Malia Hosaka, plus Luna Vachon sometimes. Chigusa’s young charges Meiko Satomura (who is a WWE employee today, oddly enough), Sonoko Kato and Toshie Uematsu in fact made up the backbone of the division, alongside KAORU. However, nearly every TV match is under four minutes long, and the vast majority of them appear on the D-shows like Worldwide. I was watching the HELL out of WCW at the time and I only barely remember Hokuto and Zero (just wait), much less all these subordinates.

The style used in these matches was far less risky and crazy in the US as well- they seemingly knew to take it easy on American cards, because even Hokuto is ending matches with a basic bridging suplex in nearly every match- hardly one of her more elite finishers. That Madusa is a pretty horrible worker by joshi standards (she’s sometimes okay but mostly below-average, being clumsy, slow, hesitant and a bit flaily).

This is the ONLY PICTURE on Google Image Search, and I’m only kinda sure it’s her. Yup- it’s one of THOSE bios.

JOSHI SPOTLIGHT- BOMBER HIKARI:
Real Name: Mitsuyo Mura
Billed Height & Weight: N/A (looks 5’4″-ish and probably 170 lbs.?)
Career Length: 1987-89 (JWP run), 1994-1997 (GAEA run)

-That’s right! It’s time for another “LOL, Jab is doing an bio of THIS idiot?” column!

Among the weirder “wait, who’s that?” people I’ve seen in my joshi reviews, Bomber Hikari has a weird origin story: she was trained in the late ’80s, but retired after only a year or two in the business. The story goes that Chigusa Nagayo, during the formation of GAEA Japan, met Bomber while she was driving a cab and then recruited her for GAEA, which was in need of someone approximating an “already-trained veteran”. And so we had this painfully mediocre wrestler using the “Communal Joshi Offense” on GAEA cards, usually trouncing the rookies in the early shows as a “Gatekeeper” of sorts to the next level. And then she jobs to a few of the rookies in 1996 and then she’s gone. It’s very strange.

Bomber at least looked the part- a squat, powerful physique with the sporty Yumiko Hotta/Toshiyo Yamada hair cut really short, and a truly bizarre ring costume with this technicolor circuit-board look to it. Her offense was all “pick up and slam them” moves and just overpowering the tiny GAEA rookies. This made her a poor fit for anyone who was actually a veteran, as the taller, stronger wrestlers didn’t mesh right with Bomber, who wasn’t that great at selling nor timing, and didn’t have the moves to keep up with them. That she lacked a lot of charisma (just kind of a “Generic friendly babyface” sort, cheering to the fans as if she hit her “Taunt” button at random) didn’t help, as did her attempts at high-flying, which always looked rather clunky (Evito suggests either she wanted to wrestle this way or Chigusa told her to, but it did her no favors).

Boy, I hope you guys like Well Dunn, because I went on a tear of YouTube clips featuring the lowest-tier heel team in WWF history! My god, they faced the Blus, Headshrinkers, and did all sorts of trios matches! This column will be a veritable “Best of Well Dunn”! I bet you can’t WAIT!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! I fill this one with a handful of oddities today, as we get an ever-rare “Bret & Owen Hart in a tag team” match, as they dress like a real tag team and take on an actual team in the bottom-tier Well Dunn shortly before the “Hart Brothers vs. Not-Jerry Lawler and His Knights” Survivor Series match!

After that, it’s a follow-up to last week’s column, as Terry Funk & Stan Hansen meet each other again, this time with Dory Funk Jr. backing up his brother and Terry Gordy backing up Stan! Then it’s something that’s apparently an old tape-trader classic, as the “Gotta get all the Sabu matches we can find!” days saw a lot of Sabu vs. Chris Candido matches on fancams! Oh, and I didn’t want this to be only three matches long, so I stick in a WCW Prime jobber match- “Dirty” Dick Slater & Bunkhouse Buck vs. Los Especialistas! I was hoping they’d be some interesting Luchadores… but no.

BRET & OWEN HART vs. WELL DUNN (Timothy Well & Steven Dunn, w/ Harvey Whippleman):
(WWF Wrestling Challenge, Nov 14th 1993)
* Hahahaha HELL YES, couldn’t find Harts vs. Steiners on YouTube, but I have THIS! Well Dunn were two indie tag guys just slapped in singlets with goofy thongs over top and thrown out there to die as a “Fake Featured” tag team that just jobbed to all the top ones. I didn’t realize they’d been fed to the Harts. They’re in black singlets & purple thongs this week, and hey, wasn’t Well in better shape? He looks pasty and with no physique here. Of more interest is the Hart Brothers’ matching outfits- Bret’s in all pink (his regular look temporarily) and Owen’s in all BLUE, dropping his parachute pants and lacking the black singlet he’d later wear for the rest of his life. For “Gear Nerds” like me, that’s a very unique look, especially as a duo.

GAEA JAPAN (February-March 1997):
* It’s time for more GAEA Japan! These are mostly digested shows again. Three different nights here, with some semi-big news afoot- a main event of Chigusa Nagayo vs. OZ Academy’s evil leader Mayumi Ozaki… but the night holds great tragedy for GAEA Japan, as they lose even more rookies to the devilish one’s cause!

CHIGUSA NAGAYO, AKIRA HOKUTO & HIROMI KATO vs. MEIKO SATOMURA, TOSHIE UEMATSU & SAKURA HIROTA:
* A bizarre trios match, this one features the two top stars in GAEA teaming up with their greenest rookie (Kato, in black) up against a rookie squad- a top 1st year (red Meiko), a secondary 1st year (green Toshie) and another green-ass rookie (pink Sakura).

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this time I have a hell of a brawl for you, as Terry Funk shows just why he may be the greatest seller of all time in a brutal bloodbath against the monstrous Stan Hansen in 1983 All Japan!

I’ll also get to another request, as I visit two Attitude Era matches featuring the Hardy Boyz vs. Too Cool, back when Too Cool was a reliable “Secondary Contender” team in the very heated WWF tag team ranks! Also, a sequel to one of my “Halloween Eve” reviews, as Damian 666, El Espectro Jr., Karis La Momia (a mummy!) & Halloween take on Pierroth Jr. and three Villanos! And finally, I throw in one last Kurasawa (Manabu Nakanishi in WCW) match, as I find him facing Sting in a long WCW Saturday Night contest!

STAN HANSEN vs. TERRY FUNK:
(All Japan, 1983)
* Ohhhhhhh yeah- I’ve seen very little 1980s AJPW, but Terry & Hansen were HUGE back in the day, with the crowds adoring them beyond all other foreign wrestlers. Terry had an emotional connection with the fans, while Hansen just had them in a combination of amusement and awe. The crowd absolutely mobs Terry when he comes down, but holy god to they part ways for STAN, who swings wildly and blindly. Both guys are in black trunks, with Stan dwarfing Terry- it’s so weird seeing Funk with big muscles, though- my only memories are of him as this old man. He’s still giving up a LOT of mass to the burly Hansen, though.

AJW AT HAKATA STARLANES (Feb. 15th 1997):
* It’s time for sheer joshi greatness, as AJW wrestlers GO BOWLING!!! This time it’s a bit of February TV and the great Hakata Starlanes building- this looks like such a fun dumpy bowling arena, haha. And eventually the AJW teams split up and bowl against each other.

So on this show, Tomoko & Kumiko are our hosts, visiting a temple/shrine and talking to the audience. They bump into Kyoko Inoue praying and they do some joking about, then we’re off to the Starlanes! And a happy Dump Matsumoto is on commentary!

YUMI FUKAWA vs. YUKA SHIINA:
* It’s a rookie fight! Fukawa’s been getting an “almost push/watch this rookie!” build for all of 1996, and Shiina’s on a tier below her- Shiina’s no longer ultra-jobbery though, sporting a serious face and gear with her name on it- a sporty orange top with white shorts. Fukawa’s in white/blue, with… wow that outfit is almost entirely blue ruffles. I dunno if this is clipped or what.

Davey Boy Smith was certainly a powerhouse! The British Bulldog lifts Big Van Vader and Mabel! from SquaredCircle

Rope-assisted or not, JESUS CHRIST.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one I have a varied set of tag matches, interspersed with a terrible singles match! We start off with a random TV tag match between the newly-heel Men on a Mission and the Allied Powers (Lex Luger & British Bulldog), largely inessential save for one of the absolute motherfuckingest strength spots I’ve ever seen in wrestling on the part of Davey-Boy.

I also take an interesting look at the mentor figures of two guys we’re a lot more familiar with outside of Mexico, as it’s Rey Mysterio & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Fuerza & Juventud Guerrera! Yes, our beloved Rey with his uncle, teaming up against a very young Juice and his own dad (who was a POWER wrestler, believe it or not!). Then it’s a request, as the “Million Dollar Corporation” gets a prelude as Ted DiBiase takes on Nikolai Volkoff in 1990 for one of Volkoff’s last matches before he left for a while. And finally, we have the last few minutes of a semi-infamous Hart Foundation vs. Legion of Doom match- an all-time Dream Match that Bret says was ruined by Hawk downing some somas immediately beforehand. It’s mostly interesting as an historical curiosity (and for a pretty great finish, actually).

MEN ON A MISSION (Mabel & Mo) vs. THE ALLIED POWERS (Lex Luger & British Bulldog):
(WWF TV, May 14th 1995)
* A wild match setting up the newly-heel Men on a Mission (pre-King Mabel) against the Allied Powers- a “Superteam” of sorts that just never got that big push. The M.O.M. have shifted their gear to add black to the purple & gold scheme, while Lex & Bulldog are in matching red white & blue gear with their own flags.

OTA-KU CHAMPION LEGEND 1997:
(Jan. 20th 1997):
* The early months of 1997 have actually been pretty wild for AJW, because there was an Ota-Ku Champion Legend show in late January, and it featured a trifecta of impactful matches! It’s the first Red Belt defense of Kyoko Inoue, as she has to take on her partner, the sadist of beauty, Takako Inoue (no relation)! Also the WWWA Tag Team Champions (Manami Toyota & Mima Shimoda) take on the up & comer squad of Tomoko Watanabe & Kumiko Maekawa- the guardians of the new generation!

The show starts with three intensely-clipped tag matches. It seems like the average length of an AJW match has shortened because none of these go over ten minutes.

TANNY MOUSE & MIYUKI FUJII vs. MIHO WAKIZAWA & RUMI SEKIGUCHI:
* Rookie Mayhem! And oh god it’s all the names I don’t recognize, plus the mouse. Rumi goes nowhere (she has no Cagematch profile), Fujii lasts a long time (2009-ish!), and Wakizawa has two separate multi-year runs. Tanny Mouse of course ends up a long-time comedy wrestler. The non-Tanny team is in matching rookie swimsuits, one in yellow and one in pink. Tanny’s in yellow and recognizable by… *sigh*… by her TAIL, and Fujii’s in a blue rookie swimsuit.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a huge “Wait, THAT happened?” match, as the BRITISH BULLDOGS face the ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS! In the AWA. And it goes… well, let’s see why this isn’t a tape trading legend, why don’t we?

Next up, I continue my look at Manabu Nakanishi in WCW, as “Kurasawa” takes his martial arts to the “Macho Man” Randy Savage in a pair of matches set six months apart- the latter of which when Kurasawa had definitely entered the job squad!

And finally, remember last week when I subjected y’all to Sgt. Craig Pittman vs. The Cobra? Well now they’re TAG PARTNERS, and their opponents are the freakin’ Faces of Fear! This one actually ends up great… if you want to see how the mechanics of wrestling work, because Pittman here is SO BAD that he actually throws off all three other wrestlers, none of whom seem to know what to do with him flailing around all weird. It’s one of the greatest examples of a wrestler being such a stiff that nobody can do anything with him.

THE BRITISH BULLDOGS (Davey-Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) vs. THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS (Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson):
(AWA When Worlds Collide, 1989)
* This is a completely wild Dream Match I had no idea existed, as the Bulldogs typically existed in the WWF & Japan while the Express were mostly in the Southern companies/NWA. The Bulldogs are shredded to the gills here, just on ALL the steroids (especially Smith), while the Express are the same doughy guys they always were, absolutely dwarfed by their opponents (neither of whom were that big in the WWF). Makes you realize why they never did a run in the WWF around this time, ya know? The Express are in black & blue tights, and the Bulldogs are in their white & blue ones with the Union Jacks on the asses. Luscious Johnny Valiant is doing commentary, putting over the Bulldogs but mentioning that the Express match their experience. Legend Pat O’Connor is the ref here.

LADIES LEGEND PRO WRESTLING:
(Oct. 30th 1992)
* The first year of LLPW continues via YouTube! My initial goal with these was to minimize the recaps a bit (I’m not even sure how many people read the move-by-move stuff) and make these shorter, but here I end up with a 2,200-word review of this random dumb show, lol. Editing is hard! I don’t know which moves to skip until the match is over!

This one again features the entire company split up into five different matches, giving us a rookie fight, a 1st-year vs. 2nd-year tag match, a veteran/1st-year match, a “second-tier” tag match and their two top stars in an actual real main event- Shinobu Kandori vs. Noriyo Tateno! Can the former Jumping Bomb Angel defeat the elite shooter of joshi?

MIDORI SAITO vs. RUMI YASUDA:
* Rookie fight! Yasuda (Yasha Kurenai) is in white & purple and has shoulder-length hair, while Saito has super long black hair and is in white & pink.

The “Two-Colored Mullet” look is really, uh, something.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this time, I get to torture you all with the illustrious Cobra/Sgt. Craig Pittman feud! But first! A very odd one-off (considering they shared a company for years), as it’s “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. the future Fit Finlay- back when he was the mullet-wearing Belfast Bruiser! This was back when Macho Man was still a regular wrestler on Monday Nitro and not just doing promos and beatdowns.

Also a co-headliner of sorts as the Road Warriors take on the Powers of Pain in 1988, shortly before the Warriors’ non-union Mexican equivalents bail for the WWF! And then it’s the WWF Jobber hell-zone that is Skinner vs. “Pump It Up!” Jim Powers in 1992!

But yeah, this is also the time I take a look at Sgt. Craig Pittman, who interested me a bit from the Kurasawa match I reviewed weeks ago. And turns out he sucked! Really bad! Come see HOW bad as he gets to fill tons of TV time on the D-shows with the “CIA Agent” Cobra, aka Jeff “nWo Sting” Farmer!

“THE MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE vs. THE BELFAST BRUISER:
(WCW Nitro, March 25th 1996)
* Yes, it’s MACHO MAN vs. FIT FINLAY! But it’s jobber-ish Bruiser with a brown mullet/buzzcut combo and a hideous mustache in addition to his goofy Mad Max one-shoulderpad leather jacket. They put over him using European uppercuts & smashing up Steven Regal’s face and OH MY GOD Heenan namedrops that it made Steven Regal’s face “look worse than Princess Di’s car that she smashed up” which is a reference that now reads COMPLETELY different (it was some other car accident, don’t worry!). Bruiser’s in a black singlet with “Ireland” across the front. Macho Man’s in white tights and is on the roids big-time.

Devil Masami hits a nasty Powerbomb from stardomjoshi

*Devil hits the goddamndest powerbomb ever on rookie Sakura Hirota*
Sonoko Kato (on the floor): “…. boss?”
Chigusa Nagayo (the trainer): “Oh my god, now I have to tell this rookie’s parents how she died.”
Devil Masami: “HEY HOW ‘BOUT IT?!”

GAEA JAPAN- WRESTLING BIBLE & WAR CRY:
(Jan. 12th & 19th, 1997)
* It’s time for more GAEA Japan, this time with a mish-mash of minor stars mixed in with the big ones. It features two matches by rookie upstart Sakura Hirota being murdered by main eventers, the latter of which features the godamndest powerbomb bump of all time and a priceless reaction from everyone involved. Akira Hokuto wrestles!… in her weird luchadora self, fighting a lucha-identity version of KAORU. And then it’s the FINAL MATCH of Bomber Hikari, as I guess the GAEA rookies were elevated enough and we didn’t need her stinking up the midcard anymore (or she was hurt- whatever). Then Akira & KAORU fight again, but with a GAEA kid and an IWA Japan joshi getting involved to make a tag match. And finally, we end with another Chigusa/GAEA kids vs. OZ Academy trios match.

CHIGUSA NAGAYO vs. SAKURA HIROTA:
* The boss takes on the youngest rookie in GAEA, as the pink-clad upstart jumps Chigusa before the bell.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a pretty spectacular bout from Mexico to lead off with, as all you nay-sayers shucking on El Dandy all the time will have to eat crow as he has an amazing, bloody Hair vs. Hair Match against El Satanico! I also take a look at a random WCW match, as the Road Warriors take on Dick Slater & Bunkhouse Buck in 1996. Also, my nightmare is your nightmare, as I subject you all to a SEVENTEEN MINUTE Ted DiBiase vs. Tatanka match, as the Million Dollar Man faces a green-ass Chris Chavis in a 1991 house show match that’s either a giant rib or a big test of what this kid can do (translation: nothing).

HAIR vs. HAIR MATCH:
EL DANDY vs. EL SATANICO:
(Empresa Mexicana De La Lucha Libre, Mexico, Dec. 16th 1990)
* This match is rated ****1/2 by the WON, so it seems to be El Dandy’s most jam-up match ever! I am completely unfamiliar with Satanico, but he’s been wrestling for a billion years and was about 37 here. His list of titles is as long as your arm, but I don’t know if any of these belts mean much- he’s the founder of the “Los Infernales” stable and Fandom says he’s one of the best trainers in Mexico. Dandy’s actually pretty muscular here (though he has a bad steroid belly), wearing long white tights, while Satanico has the same doughy pregnant physique El Dandy had in WCW seven years later, and he’s in a black singlet with flame designs on the legs. Satanico attacks El Dandy as soon as he hits the ring, smashing him into the post- he’s already busted open!

AJW TV (Jan. 3rd 1997):
* So we start off AJW’s darkest year with what turns out to be a pretty great TV show, actually, as most of the remaining top stars come out for some rare matches- Manami & Aja get to destroy up & coming rookies (with an all-timer stiff shot in the Aja/Tamura match), then a pair of long tag matches. So if you ever wanna see wrestlers fight like they don’t want to be the next midcarder to job to the rookies, or a rookie get KTFO’d with a full “fencer’s response” reaction and a glassy-eyed death stare, have I got the show for you!

TOSHIYO YAMADA & ETSUKO MITA vs. MIMA SHIMODA & CHAPARRITA ASARI:
* A weirdo grab-bag of a match sees Dream Orca revived again, with the now-midcarders Yamada & Mita going up against Mita’s old partner Shimoda and the rising star ASARI. The levels here are kind all over the place, as Yamada is higher-ranked but only sorta as she’s been tumbling, and Shimoda is a former Tag Champ yet never got a big singles run. Mita is delightfully now in her Giant Powder Blue Pirate era, but her outfit is a black & pink skirt & top. Yamada’s in a black suit with blue writing & lines on it, Shimoda’s in a rather fashionable white top & black skirt, and ASARI’s in white/red/gold.

I’ve a special “Dream Matches” column this week, as I did one on Sunday for horror movie-themed guys, but wanted to get back to the regular Wednesday schedule with a smaller column. And as someone brought up this infamous bit from Nitro history, I figured I’d make it the focus, as it’s as well-known for the reactions of the commentators (who laughed throughout most of it) as it is for being surprisingly good. And I’ll throw in a random other Lucha match after it, because otherwise this is less than 1000 words!

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MEXICAN HARDCORE MATCH:
LA PARKA & SILVER KING vs. CICLOPE & DAMIAN:
(WCW Nitro, July 7th 1999)
* So this is a VERY infamous match from the latter era of WCW, when the WWF was destroying them in the war. They do the usual “WCW” thing of trotting out four random guys, mostly nobodies, to fill space on their massive show, only this time it’s a Hardcore match because WWF was doing stuff like that, too. La Parka was pretty over but still a TV jobber, while the other three may as well have been Barry Horowitz- they NEVER won and were total jobber nothings, especially Ciclope. They move a bunch of plunder to the ring as Tony & Bobby on commentary laugh at the notion of a “Falls Count Anywhere MEXICAN Hardcore Match!”, repeatedly referencing the full name of the match while laughing… get used to that.