Masato Tanaka vs. Hayabusa (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have a smorgasbord of weirdness for you- more Ultimate Warrior & Sting in Memphis! Masato Tanaka vs. Hayabusa in FMW! And PHIL HICKERSON!

But yes, first I found a match Maffew recommended- it’s Masato Tanaka & Hayabusa in FMW having the matches Teen Jab always imagined in his head, piling on ALL THE MOVEZ as they get all the big, crunchy offense and brain each other for 23 minutes of 2.9 counts! Then it’s over to 1985 Memphis, as JIM HELLWIG & STEVE BORDEN debut for the promotion as humble juice-monkeys, admiring the local girls of the territory and taking on some jobbers who have absolutely NOTHING to work with against these two immobile green slugs. Then a look to months later as the now-heel Hellwig & Borden are the BLADE RUNNERS, Road Warrior knock-offs with black lipstick, working against the mighty Phil Hickerson and Billy Travis in a tragically-clipped match!

Next up, it’s part of the WWF’s foray into LUCHA LIBRE, as they hire some AAA scrubs to fill time- I wanna get to as much of this as I can, but most notable is this Shotgun Saturday Night match where the former Power Rangers-knockoff “Power Raiders” team take on their heelish counterparts in a ludicrous no-selling Flippy Match that has Jim Ross noticeably bitching on commentary! Finally, a bodyguard-less “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase takes on the mighty Tugboat in a 1991 Prime Time match!

MASATO TANAKA vs. HAYABUSA:
(Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling, 3/13/98)
* Maffew recommended this in his FMW reviews, so I figured I would take a look at it! In part because I’m actually curious about Hayabusa’s FMW stuff- while I’ve always liked what I saw, I only saw him in other promotions. I just rarely ever saw ANY stuff from FMW. These are two of FMW’s top guys, depending on whether or not Atsushi “Mr. Liar” Onita was retired that week or not. Hayabusa was left being the Ace in Onita’s absence, and was apparently pretty beaten up by the style. Meanwhile, here’s a guy who wrestles so rough I’m shocked his even alive today, Masato Tanaka! Even here he’s covered in battle wounds. Hayabusa’s in brown “Sabu pants” and fairly slender, while Tanaka is fireplug-ish in long black trunks.

They start fast, Hayabusa doing a “kip-up to dropkick” move, but missing a baseball slide and getting clotheslined. Hayabusa pops him from the apron, gets clotheslined again, but next time shitcans him to the floor to hit a slide/Asai moonsault combo to impress the fans. The fun stuff over (he doesn’t even bother following up, lol- just stands there waiting), it’s time for PERFUNCTORY MAT WRESTLING. Haha just like in NJPW’s Junior div, they do the big moves right away and then “settle down” to show parity via matwork. Hayabusa looks hesitant about it, but Tanaka is LOUDLY selling to put the arm stuff over, screaming in agony and holding the arm out- Hayabusa hits a giant running knee into a springboard dropkick to the arm. Hayabusa keeps on the arm, but gets his knee dropkicked out. A dragon screw hits but they fuck up a surfboard and he switches to basic knee stuff. He scores a running elbow and Tornado DDT (a big move of his) for two- arm injury’s gone! See? Perfunctory! He fires off running elbow smashes but runs into superkicks and gets German’d onto his head, and we’ve finally done enough boring shit to justify ANOTHER DIVE! Tope con hilo this time. Springboard Swanton Bomb into a Lionsault gets two. Fisherman’s Buster- two. Busa has some entertaining hair-floof now- like Davey-Boy Smith after 10 minutes. Tiger Driver & Flying Corkscrew Senton get twos, as Hayabusa is very clearly in a “move to move” zone, not really “working” the match but just hittin’ stuff. The Falcon Arrow works after 1 try, getting a big full-body kickout.

Hayabusa goes up to finish, but gets clocked by an elbow coming down- Tanaka goes to running elbows again, but his predictability has him eat a great rana counter. But he charges into a lariat, and takes a big elbow/Diamond Dust (tornado stunner) and only weakly kicks out. Superduperplex & Frog Splash get two for Tanaka. ThunderFire Powerbomb gets two. Hayabusa counters an elbow with a tiger suplex, then a Dragon Suplex gets two. Firebird Splash (450) gets two. Falcon Arrow gets two. Lots of good reactions for the MOVEZ and “2.9 wrestling” but they get quiet after every one. Hayabusa goes up to finish again, but gets caught in an Argentine backbreaker powerbomb for two, then a Running DVD into another TF Powerbomb for two. Okay this is just getting silly XD. Tanaka whips off his elbow-pad, Hayabusa counters another TF bomb, blocks an elbow with a superkick, but eats a Rolling Elbow for two. Tanaka’s run out of moves so hits another Running DVD for two. He runs into a spinkick but fires off elbows until he gets two. Hayabusa counters another DVD to a German but takes another elbow. This causes a double-down to “9”, they have an exhausted elbow exchange, and Hayabusa finally tricks him into eating a bunch of kicks and finishes with a Dragon Suplex to a Falcon Arrow at (23:17).

hahah now THAT was a MOVEZ Match! Like, this is kinda what people are talking about when they describe that style, but it had the NJPW cadence (not sure if there’s a better term for it)- start fast with 1-2 big exciting moves to jack up the fans, then settle into 5 minutes of unimportant stuff to pad the match out and establish the “plot” (that they’re equals), then escalate to bigger moves. Except in this sense they kinda falter, because Hayabusa just hits a dozen unanswered big moves in a row, barely struggling to hit any of them (they mean more when you fail the first time- like his Asai Moonsault to start!), then Tanaka avoids one and hits his own series of moves all in a row. The collection of big moves is HUGE and was a 1998 tape trader’s dream- I probably would have salivated over this. As it stands, it’s FUN and good but has a bunch of flaws in that Hayabusa in particular just hits all his shit with no energy or reaction- just smooth athleticism. He doesn’t pound his fist at kickouts, argue with the ref, anything- just blankly does everything. And his moveset is so huge and full of all the cool, “crunchy” stuff I loved as a kid that he’s pretty much the wrestlers I came up with back then- movelists a mile long and cramming every one of them into the “matches” I thought up. In this case, it’s probably wiser to tease some, “protect” some by having it too close to the ropes or have someone be unable to cover, etc. This is just “2.9 Wrestling” throughout. Case in point, how many indie dorks were having this match in Ring of Honor years later? Especially as they spend the last 10 minutes straight hitting nothing but huge crunchy moves with nothing between them- so many that Tanaka actually RUNS OUT and starts having to repeat himself a ton.

Rating: *** (massively fun for the amount of cool, well-executed shit they throw out, but a pretty brainless collection of MOVEZ and 2.9 kickouts until it means very little. Teen Jab would have called this ****+ easy)

THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS (Jim Hellwig & Steve Borden) vs. DAVID JOHNSON & THE INVADER:
(Memphis, Nov. 23rd 1985)
* I found a single Hellwig/Borden match from Memphis! It’s their debut, in fact! Here they’re two massive juiced guys (though Hellwig is MUCH bigger than Borden- probably a shoot 280 just in muscle mass), both green, doing the “humble babyface rookie” thing. Steve is HILARIOUSLY nervous and stuttery in his promo, doing stuff like saying their only two losses in wrestling are from guys hitting them with tables & chairs over the head. He keeps repeating himself (“we don’t consider those legitimate losses”) and talking after Lance Russell takes the mic away- adorable rookie shit. Hellwig has a natural smirk/overbite at this point (did he fix that as the Warrior? I can kinda see it in his Hall of Fame speech, sorta). Both show off their physiques and confess that they’re interested in the girls of Nashville and Mid-South, both being single and stuff (aka “HEY GIRLS THESE GUYS ARE HEART THROBS! COME TO THE SHOWS TO SQUEAL OVER THEM!” ring-rat magnet stuff lol), and their first opponents are two random guys. Johnson is a somewhat lanky black dude with the dreaded “black text on Cagematch” name, and is sporting hilariously oversized elbow & kneepads- like water wings. The Invader is probably Jerry Allen, one of a billion Invaders. He’s got the black “Andre singlet” and a mask.

Invader immediately impresses me by flying all over the place even though Hellwig is barely touching him- two lockups send him on his ass, and he spins onto his face trying a shoulderblock. I love how Hellwig is just kinda shrugging and Invader’s spiraling like he’s being shot by snipers. Johnson takes a turn and starts flexing his muscles, but meets the same fate, flat-backing trying his own lockup. Borden also has him thrown about, and he tries to tag out. Invader hesitantly gets in, and tries a top wristlock of all things- Russell laughs off his chances given “five inches of height and a whole buncha pounds”, and sure enough he’s on his ass again. Hellwig has an even easier time, Invader almost getting tied in the ropes as Jim “shoves” him off, and this sends in Johnson. Hellwig only has the flexibility to lean forwards over both opponents, sending Borden in. They hit a pair of forearms and then slams- Borden with a simple press slam on Invader and Hellwig tries to do the same to Johnson, TOTALLY losing his grip on the peak elevation (Johnson, who isn’t posting off Jim’s shoulders and instead splays out Supermanning, just slips behind him and nearly lands on Jim’s head) and having to catch him at head-height, lol. Borden covers at (3:09) even though he’s not legal- fire that ref!

About as good as two guys who can barely move against two jobbers who fling themselves around off of EVERYTHING is gonna be. Hellwig didn’t do anything more complicated than a “slight shove” or flexing his big muscles, and the one move that requires some technique, a press slam, had Johnson sliding out of his grip and getting dropped.

Rating: 1/4* (really just a showcase of how decent jobbers can be if they have nothing to work with)

THE BLADE RUNNERS (Flash & Blast, w/ Buddy Wayne) vs. PHIL HICKERSON & BILLY TRAVIS:
(Memphis, Jan. 18th 1986)
* All I could find of the Ultimate Warrior & Sting getting another in-ring crack at Phil Hickerson in Memphis is this, set a ways later and after a repackaging, with a different Buddy Wayne than the one who’s Nick Wayne’s dad. This is only 2 minutes! Hickerson is again extremely obese, with a big hairy gut sticking out over black trunks over YELLOW TIGHTS, which is hilarious. Never heard of Travis before. He’s in blue trunks. The Freedom Fighters are now their more well-known “Blade Runners” identity, with black tights.

All we get is Hickerson working over Flash (Sting) before Justice (Warrior) crushes him from behind- since the big boys only really know how to do clubbing blows, Hickerson knows to WAY oversell them, tumbling across the ring and acting like each one is a shot from a baseball bat. Their manager, some big fat guy, comes in with a shoe and it’s a DQ in 24 seconds shown of (8:38). Travis is apparently bleeding on the floor. The force of wrestling’s most dangerous weapon, A SHOE WITHOUT A FOOT IN IT, busts Hickerson open as well. The Bladerunners hit their Double Bodyslam finisher and Hickerson is DOOMED, falling on his ass and such, but in comes The Spoiler, ex-partner of Hickerson, and this short, flabby guy in a red mask ALSO takes off his shoe, and I fear Hickerson’s career will never recover… but just then he KNOCKS OUT WAYNE WITH IT (great sell by Wayne, just stiffly turning to his side and flopping over), then nails the Blade Runners.

THESE OUTFITS ARE AMAZING! I want toys of all this shit!

LUCHA LIBRE RULES:
LOS CADETES DEL ESPACIO (Venum, Super Nova, Discovery & Ludxor) vs. LOS RUDOS DE LA GALAXIA (El Mosco, Abismo Negro, Histeria & Maniaco):
(WWF Shotgun Saturday Night, 4/5/1997)
* Holy hell, the WWF Vault just uploaded a TON of lucha all at once! I don’t really wanna do a whole column of JUST that, but I can cherry-pick, lol. This one is maybe the strangest, because Shotgun has more unusual filler. In this case, it’s Jim Ross & Brian Pillman commentating an 8-man tag with a bunch of AAA jobbers. I know almost nothing about lucha libre and couldn’t really find any context for how big of stars any of these dudes were, but their outfits are WILD. The first team looks like a bunch of Power Rangers, with bright superhero costumes and mostly full face masks. And cursory research reveals this was DELIBERATE- AAA booker Antonio Pena called them “The Power Raiders” until Mattel sued and they all had to be renamed. Venum looks kinda like Psicosis in green & black, Super Nova’s in powder blue, Discovery’s in BRIGHT yellow and Ludxor’s in black with red armor. Mosco has simply wild gear- just black as a base but with ALL THE DETAILS, all in neon, like a G.I. Joe figure from the end of the line where they were fighting pollution and shit. Abismo Negro (“the Black Abyss”) is in black with green, and Histeria’s in black with green AND orange and some fringe. Maniaco is hilariously dressed up as a member of KISS.

So looking at them: these are two rival stables in AAA at the time, so all wrestle each other a lot. Venum was a Rey Misterio Sr. trainee now going by Venum Black and works on the indies. Discovery was a UWA guy who switched to AAA and didn’t get up to much. Ludxor was a former Black Ranger who got left behind when the others bailed for Promo Azteca, and got stuck with “scrubs” according to LuchaWiki, who snapped up the gimmicks that were left and he flamed out, quitting wrestling around 2000. Super Nova is actually a longtime veteran who started out as a Mini (at 5’6″! That’s like Adam Cole or MJF size!) Oro Jr. or Orocito, switching to Super Nova, then quitting for Promo Azteca and going back to Oro Jr. or a worked name of “Mike Segura”. Abismo Negro was a big star who had been the popular ladies’ man Winners for ages before turning heel, and has a long, strange history involving Black Abyss (a separate guy with Negro’s name in English) and having one of those amazingly lurid lucha deaths, being found face down in a river after an “anxiety attack” while another guy in his outfit was wrestling as him on a show. Maniaco seems to be a longtime “stables guy” backing up other heels. Mosco is Mosco de la Merced (“The Mosquito of Mercy”) and had a really long career, and changed his name to X-Fly at some point.

Maniaco hauls Nova down to start and gives him an ass-punch (Pillman DEMANDS Ross call it as such), then gives him the Eddie Bump. He tries again, and when Nova leaps onto his shoulders, electric chair drops him. Nova catches him with a bad headscissors and slingshot elbow, but does the worst Flying Nothing I’ve ever seen and lands on feet (what WAS that? he just slid off the second rope!). Maniaco SAILS through the ropes but swings around the post so they fight on the floor, Nova getting flung to the ropes, where he climbs and hits a flying head smash like E. Honda. Ludxor & Mosco do a MUCH better sequence, Ludxor getting a headscissors with his ankles and doing a spinning rana from Mosco’s shoulders, but takes a big powerbomb trying a Manami Roll. Mosco misses a flying headbutt and rolls to the floor, where he eats a running no-hands twisting plancha. Discovery/Negro briefly go, but we’re back from break with Venum & Histeria.

Histeria powerbombs Venum and misses a corkscrew splash, and Venum actually hits a Dragon Rana of all things (though Histeria REALLY obviously has to catch him), but Histeria completely ignores it so he can base for a whirlwind headscissors, then gets slid on his belly all the way to the floor (yea no thanks to THAT bump) and takes a corkscrew plancha. Discovery/Negro is next, Histeria doing a fake-out (that tricks his partner into pre-emptively getting into the ring) before using a slingshot senton to the floor. Mosco superkicks Nova to the floor but flips out and lands asshole-first on the floor, lol. Venum does a whirling rana to Histeria but gets flung to the floor and takes a HUGE tope con hilo. Maniaco hits a big missile dropkick to Ludxor and Jim Ross seems to be ripping on the no-selling- “a bit of an unorthodox backdrop- landed on his HEAD no big-deal- they’re like a hyper-aggressive Chihuahua- they just keep coming!”. Yeah, the real pros hate that shit. Maniaco takes a big armdrag off the top by Ludxor, and he ties up Maniaco’s legs and just… leans on him with one hand for the pin at (5:00 of 7:30 shown). lol all the crazy shit in this match and he does a goofy “lucha tie-up” pin? Did nobody agent these guys?

This was WILD. And a hilarious look at how “flippy no-sell matches” have been a thing for years and like… ROH or AEW didn’t invent this, nor was it the “future of wrestling” that some people act like it is- it’s ALWAYS been here. These dudes were out there not selling a thing and doing the wildest shit possible, and hilariously since it was a cold match and nobody was playing a CHARACTER none of it got even remotely over. Like nobody even popped for some gigantic bumps (a somersault ass-slam to the floor? A flying corkscrew plancha?). Though they were all sorta crammed together. Jim Ross’s comments are likely snark about the guys no-selling- a big issue on a WWF show, since their guys are expected to sell powerbombs and dives, and when these guys don’t, it makes the WWF dudes look worse. Also the finish was stupid- the “goofy lucha tie-up pins” only really work in that style- in the US, matches are finished with finishers, not “do all the cool flippy shit and end with a comedy pin”- there’s a reason WCW’s lucha libre looks very little like actual lucha. This is, by the way, the final appearance of these guys on WWF programming.

Rating: **1/4 (a fun spotfest but no real meat or meaning behind it- just guys doing stuff and killing themselves for peanuts)

“THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN” TED DIBIASE vs. TUGBOAT:
(WWF Prime Time, Feb. 21st 1991)
* Reviewed by Scott recently, this Prime Time special has DiBiase going against Tugboat, who by this point was a fading Hogan buddy who’d turn heel in the fall. Ted has just lost Virgil as his bodyguard and has something to prove, and he attacks before the bell- we’re off!

Ted throws kicks and chops, but Tugboat uses his incredible agility to duck under a clothesline and hits Ted with two of his own. Tugboat gets caught “toot”-ing to the crowd and gets attacked from behind, but no-sells and gets ready to murder him- good “I’m pissed” face, but Ted donks him in the eyes with an axehandle and goes to work on him. Tugboat quickly reverses a whip and puts Ted into the corner twice, sending him bailing to wait out the clock. He takes FOREVER, looking to the curtain and such, and again comes in and tries an Irish whip and getting reversed- this time into a back elbow. He flees AGAIN, dodging an elbowdrop, but this time gets chased and catches Tugboat coming back in. He goes to work with punches and elbows (it’s always funny to me how much of a BRAWLER Ted actually was- he’s so smooth that you think he’s a technician but in the WWF it’s almost all strikes with him), does ANOTHER whip and takes two shots to bring Tugger down with clotheslines, leading to his fistdrops and choking. Tugboat finally comes back outside the ring, shoving Ted into the ringpost and smashing him about out there, and starts skooshing him in the corner! But he turns around to jaw with the ref and DiBiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream! But Tugboat’s so strong he’s able to just smash Ted into the corner (the fan reaction is, shall we say, extra-loud compared to the excitement level shown by the fans on-screen), but when he tries an Avalanche, DiBiase dodges him and rolls him up for the three (6:44)! OOOOOOOOOOOF a clean finish pinning Tugboat. Poor Fred! He jobbed to DiBiase and the Undertaker really close together.

A pretty weak match by DiBiase’s standards, as he has to deal with a big, slower brawler and his own style is ALSO brawling, so it’s a weird mix. That nearly every bit of offense came off an Irish whip was a curious choice- it creates some movement and excitement for what would otherwise be a plodding slugfest I suppose, but so much of the match was just Tugboat weakly leaning back and eating chops and punches. He’s not exactly a compelling seller and is too big to be believably that vulnerable, and a “wear him down with holds” match would be even MORE boring so it’s not like that was an option. Just a fairly quick match designed to heat up DiBiase a bit following Virgil turning on him.

Rating: *1/2 (very weak TV match)