Dream Matches — page 16

Bruno was a scary grandpa in 1987- he still looked more dangerous than many of the roided-up wrestlers.

Welcome to more Dream Matches! This time, I found a super-unusual bout from 1987 with latter-era Bruno shoring up a six-man match against some of the nastiest heels in town, and a look at Baby AJ Styles as an indie nobody in WCW, teaming with Air Paris against Jamie Noble & Evan Karagias! Also, did you know that one half of Well Dunn once fought MANTAUR? This all-time Dream Match was for the lucky 26 fans who watched USWA in 1997, and will be reviewed for you here in this very column! Also watch the death of the Big Bully Busick gimmick, and Bill Goldberg demolish one half of the Master Blasters (no, not that one).

ELIMINATION TAG MATCH:
THE HONKY TONK MAN & THE HART FOUNDATION (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart, w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. BRUNO SAMMARTINO, TITO SANTANA & JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS:
(WWF TV, Sept. 1987)
* Hahah, now THAT’s a random six-man! Honky’s the most hated heel in the business with his IC Title, and the Harts are also the champs, while they’re up against the Living Legend (Bruno, not Larry), Tito near his peak, and Jake on his way up. Bruno & Tito are in blue, Jake & Honky in red, and the Harts in pink & black. The Harts start shit, but Jake clears the ring with Damien immediately. This is from one of those “Scott’s Wrestling Collection” sets on YouTube.

Welcome to a second edition of Dream Matches for this week! aka “I already reviewed these matches once so it’s just a cheat to re-use them”. This one features some fascinating stuff between “People who know how to wrestle” and “People who had two weeks of training and were just sent out there” as All Japan Women’s Pro Wrestling (AJW/Zenjo), one of the best workrate promotions in the world, somehow thought it would be a great idea to get the women from GLOW to visit Japan and wrestle their stars in the huge Retirement Show of Chigusa Nagayo!

Most GLOW girls were just wannabe actresses given a modicum of training and filmed doing simple stuff, but it became a pretty big fad for a year or two in the 1980s. Meanwhile, AJW’s wrestlers could do some state-of-the-art stuff, like the Jumping Bomb Angels, and were among the best wrestlers in the world (like Jaguar Yokota, who trained some of the AJW women seen this night).

I’ll also throw on a couple of other bouts here- didja know that Jamie Noble wrestled as a jobber in WCW? Well you will tonight, as he takes on HARDWORK Bobby Walker! And also another look at Terry Taylor’s forgotten 1992-93 WWF run as he takes on Mister Perfect on an early ’93 RAW!

I have literally no memory of this guy ever being a thing. I wasn’t watching regularly enough.

Welcome back to more “Dream Matches”! This time with more weird, forgotten one-off characters who actually made TV in the Big Two! Short-lived weirdos like Battle Kat! Phantasio, the wrestling magician who had one WWF appearance and then vanished! Plus a match with Nick Dinsmore, pre-OVW- in WCW against Wrath! The Godwinns fight former stars under embarrassing identities in Who & TL Hopper! And the return of Big Bully Busick as he faces off against Kerry Von Erich!

BATTLE KAT vs. PAUL DIAMOND:
(WWF TV, Nov. 18 1990)
* So Battle Kat’s another “quickly done” gimmick I’ve no familiarity with- the first was Brady Boone, a short roided-up guy who was done very fast- his WWF matches under this gimmick run from September to October before he’s gone- I have no idea why. He largely ended up doing jobs for the rest of his career, so it’s probably a combination of size and lack of charisma- his “gymnastic cat-man” thing didn’t seem to get over anywhere. He died in a car accident in 1998, but was the inspiration to Rob Van Dam with his athleticism. Oh man, but the shiny purple cape and kitty ears… no, dude. Another jobber was given the role- Bob Bradley. I’m not sure which was which in the following two matches. Diamond has a GREAT mullet and is a jobber in silver tights here (we’re a ways away from Kato).

Welcome to more Dream Matches! This time with my new obsession: random forgotten characters! All of this is readily available on YouTube.

So the accepted story with Max Moon goes as follows: Lucha superstar Konnan was brought in to the WWF by Vince McMahon in hopes of playing this futuristic spaceman superhero-type character. He spends a bajillion dollars on the suit, including gauntlets that fire streamers and a steam-shooting rocket pack to “jump” up the ring steps. But then Konnan, owing to his success in Mexico (where he was actually on a soap opera, plus was selling out major shows) and the fact that the suit took a ton of effort, was like “fuck this” and bailed, never even making TV with the gear. Vince was furious and left with this wildly expensive ridiculous suit, at which point Paul Diamond, probably about to be cut as his “Kato” persona was now a complete jobber act, made one of the smartest observations in history: “Hey, I bet I could fit in that suit”. And so suddenly Diamond is now repackaged as this new character, adding about 4-5 months of WWF paydays to his career until they cut him loose for real. Diamond explains some of it, here.

“You know the Texas Tornado’s the only guy I know who can hide his own Easter eggs?”.
-Bobby Heenan on Kerry Von Erich

WWF SUMMERSLAM SPECTACULAR 1991:
* Did you ever know that the Orient Express once had ALL THREE members fighting in a match at the same time? I sure didn’t! Yet here it is tonight! I’m oddly more excited for that than anything else on here- another prelude to a big PPV, in this case being SummerSlam ’91. Also up: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter for the WWF Title! Hawk vs. Brian Knobbs! Bret Hart vs. The Barbarian! Virgil versus a mystery man of Ted DiBiase’s choosing!

Vince makes a timely Annette Funnicello reference (who in their target audience would get THAT?) and Bobby Heenan’s in a ridiculous early ’90s “beach bum” get-up. Some douchebag fan has a whistle and they blow that sucker REPEATEDLY at certain points during the show.

The Nasty Boys: The Rocksteady & Bebop of the wrestling industry.

It’s a shock and a tragedy that I can’t find any solo matches between these two.

And we’re back with more of wrestling’s wildest Dream Matches! Can you withstand the power of Yoko & Booger working the world’s softest match with Mo & Mabel? More Booger, as he wrestles Rick Martel in a battle of opposites! Also watch the Dungeon of Doom’s B-Team crush High Voltage, Joe Gomez & The Renegade! Speaking of “Plain Old Rick”, watch his last match as he fights Wrath during his “Goldberg” Run! And did you know that Terry Taylor had the world’s most forgettable run in the WWF during 1992-93? True story! He takes on Jim Powers!

As always, these are all readily available on YouTube.

YOKOZUNA & BASTIAN BOOGER (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. MEN ON A MISSION (Mabel & Mo, w/ Oscar):
* An Oakland, California house show gets this AMAZING Dream Match, featuring four huge fat guys (when Mo is the Cruiserweight, you know a match will be good). Yoko was actually WWF Champion at this time, apparently. He tosses his salt right on a ring attendant and shoves the announcer after announcing the faces, then he & Mabel won’t get out of each other’s faces, practically squashing Hebner between them- dude has gotta be ribbing these guys. The terrible video and sound transfer has robbed us of Oscar’s famous diction, sadly.

God I rented this so many friggin’ times from First Choice Video in my hometown.

SURVIVOR SERIES SHOWDOWN 1990:
(Nov. 18 1990- taped Oct. 29)
* And here’s another selection of unusual matches from a “Pre-Show”. This is for the Survivor Series, and is the same kind of show as the last one- each match takes a random guy from both sides and makes them fight. It creates some interesting one-off matches.

SGT. SLAUGHTER (w/ General Adnan) vs. TITO SANTANA:
* Slaughter, now a heel who admires Saddam Hussein in a sad attempt at recapturing the “Evil Foreigner” dynamic with an enemy country, is to lead the Mercenaries (Boris Zhukov & The Orient Express) in a pathetic match against Tito Santana’s Allies (Nikolai Volkoff & The Bushwhackers). Slaughter’s in his “Military Fatigue” shirt with a black singlet over it, while Tito’s, infamously, STILL IN THE STRIKE FORCE TRUNKS. Though was the lil’ sombrero always on there?

Found this on Pinterest. It’s glorious.

Time for more Dream Matches- this time centered by an SNME match between Demolition & The Rockers! Also, a REMATCH to the classic Jim Powers/Bobby Walker vs. Renegade/Joe Gomez match I showed you last week… PLUS the legendary explosion of that very same Renegade/Gomez team! And then not one, but TWO High Voltage solo matches, as Rage & Kaos face Fit Finlay & Perry Saturn, respectively! And then we cap things off with a Papa Shango vs. Typhoon match, long after either man was relevant! I couldn’t have booked a better match myself!

DEMOLITION (Smash & Crush, w/ Ax) vs. THE ROCKERS (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty):
(Saturday Night’s Main Event, July 27 1990)
* This is the prelude to SummerSlam, with the Demos now as heels. The Rockers are in bright yellow, and gaining credibility at this point.

Note: Not from the below match. Yes they ran this more than once.

It’s time for more Dream Matches- starting with the ultimate in obesity, as 1,000+ lbs. of humanity collide in a singles match! Also some major “Wait, that really happened?” stuff, with Balls Mahoney as an EVIL SANTA, Diesel fighting goddamn TYPHOON, and Jim Powers WINNING A MATCH. And an all-time tag team dream bout, as High Voltage take on the Beverly Brothers! As WCW jobbers! oh, plus more Joe Gomez goodness, and “HARD WORK” Bobby Walker makes his “Dream Matches” debut!

As always, everything here can be found via YouTube, but can’t be posted here.

YOKOZUNA (w/ Jim Cornette & Mr. Fuji) vs. MABEL (w/ Oscar):
(WWF Action Zone, 1994)
* HELL YES, an even BIGGER Fat Man Stand-Off! Absolutely glorious! Mabel’s in mostly purple with some gold writing.

Gomezamania runs wild!

And we’re back with more of the best Dream Matches imaginable- headlined by the legendary Desperado himself, Joe Gomez, teaming with “Plain Old Rick” against WCW’s roidiest, midcardiest Power Plant graduates. Also, we’ll get the British Bulldogs in a standard tag match against the Fantastics from All Japan, plus a FAT MAN STAND-OFF between Mabel & Bam Bam Bigelow! Oh yeah, and one of those bizarre jobber matches where CHONO & MUTA take on goobers like El Dandy and Damian. Can the luchadores win? I doubt it.

WWF SUMMERSLAM FEVER 1990:
(1990)

* These “preview shows” for PPVs are always a great source for little-seen matches. In this one, we’re a week away from SummerSlam, we have our prelude show in Utica, New York (what kind of a place doesn’t know the expression “steamed hams”?), featuring a handful of big name vs. name matches- Earthquake vs. Hacksaw! Smash vs. Neidhart! Mr. Perfect against Ronnie Garvin! And most importantly, THE BOLSHEVIKS EXPLODE!

So if you’re anything like me, you get up every once in a while and go “I really feel like watching a bunch of High Voltage matches!”. I could make a whole column out of that, but aaaaahhhhh here’s a rarity from All Japan, featuring a WWF-era tag team and a Southern Wrasslin’-era tag team in a rare Dream Match! Then you can see High Voltage take on such luminaries as Scott Norton, the Villanos, and Ice Train! Also, see Ted DiBiase wind down his solo career as Sid Justice enters the WWF!

As always, WWE-owned matches are non-kosher to post on the Blog.

TSUYOSHI KIKUCHI & THE BRITISH BULLDOGS (Davey-Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) vs. MASANOBU FUCHI & THE FANTASTICS (Bobby Fulton & Tommy Rogers):

WWF SURVIVOR SERIES SHOWDOWN 1989:
(Nov. 12, 1989)
* So this is largely a card of JUST Dream Matches, and I Bayless already covered this ages ago, but whatever- these cards fascinate me. I guess they were on the USA Network and were used as hype shows for the Survivor Series, mixing up the guys in the matches against each other. So we’re in the post-WrestleMania V era, with “Macho King” being slid down to an “Upper Midcard” position, Hogan as Champion again with Zeus as an arch-enemy, and more. And this YouTube video includes the COMMERCIALS, complete with advertising. Hm, Dyanetics or video games made by Acclaim- which is more evil to advertise to children?

Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan & Roddy Piper are our hosts, and Monsoon actually lays it out- every team member would put their names into a hat, drawing names out until one one guy remained- those guys would fight each other. This is why it looks so “random” (ie. big stars are fighting tag team wrestlers so that they can win while not hurting anyone’s push).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUwUCGp7n5s&ab_channel=RoyLucierJapaneseClassics

This week, we look at some truly bizarre one-off matches. The first is another “When You Hit Random in FirePro” match between washed-up WWF & Lucha guys, plus a rookie Luchadore and an ECW tag team. Then it’s the British Bulldogs in their forgotten All Japan run against a future legendary tag team. Then… did you know there was a THIRD Islander? And he fought future WWF superstar Steve Blackman back when he was a WWF jobber in 1987? True story! Also watch the Hardy Boyz job to the most 1996 of tag teams!

BOB BACKLUND, JIMMY SNUKA & MIL MASCARAS vs. HECTOR GARZA & THE ELIMINATORS (Perry Saturn & John Kronus):
(Wrestle Association R- I mean, who else?- 07.07.1995)
* Maffew alerted me to this one: here comes another one of my favorite things- completely insane matches of unrelated guys! So here we see the WWF’s Ace of the 1970s & early ’80s teaming with megastar high-flyer Snuka and Mexican legend Mil Mascaras, up against then-newbie Hector Garza… and ECW’s Eliminators, the embodiment of “We got some Japan comps, so…”. Garza was briefly in both WWF AND WCW, but failed in both before becoming successful as a Handsome Dad Wrestler in Mexico, but sadly died of lung cancer in 2013. Here he is clean-shaven and with bad hair. Saturn had hair at this point, and John Kronus was still relevant- he faded away from the biz QUICKLY and never returned. But the Eliminators have facepaint and reverse-colored gear that looks like powder-blue & black garters over long tights. Adding to the fun here is that the veteran team is preposterously washed-up. Like, you think CHRIS JERICHO is past his prime these days? Anyone who saw Snuka wrestle after 1989 will have WORDS with you, young man! But man, their theme is amazing- I love it.

We’re back for more strange, wild Dream Matches! Including a WrestleMania III “Gear-Up” match, SHINOBU KANDORI wrestling men in WAR (which continues to be the greatest clusterfuck promotion ever), Bret Hart fighting the African Dream, Mick Foley as a WWF Jobber in the ’80s, and the Steiners fighting their non-union Power Plant equivalents in High Voltage.

As always, WWE-owned clips are non-kosher to post on the Blog- you can find all of this with easy YouTube searches, however!

“MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE (w/ Miss Elizabeth) & HERCULES vs. RICKY “THE DRAGON” STEAMBOAT & BILLY JACK HAYNES:
(March 21, 1987)
* This is during the build-up to WrestleMania III, with two huge feuds going on between these guys- both were featured on the card, though Savage/Steamboat obviously is a much more famous rivalry. Macho’s in red with yellow boots, Herc’s in black undies, Steamboat’s in white long pants, and Haynes is in ugly mustard-yellow with white boots. Haynes looks so similar to Savage, but with Herc’s physique, that it’s bizarre to me that he never got a push… at least until I realized how f’in crazy he was.

Tenta as Yukon lumberjack “Earthquake Evans” in a 1989 tryout match, with Slick as his manager!

I’ve long felt that John “Earthquake” Tenta is a tragically underrated “Big Man” worker, but, much like Haku, he’s had a bit of a renaissance as former Workrate Snobs like me have learned to appreciate what a hard-working big guy can bring to the table. I was gonna make a more varied list for a column, but I had enough for a full one of JUST Tenta, so here’s a random selection of fun or weird Earthquake matches! Watch him take on such luminaries as Paul Roma (back when he was trying out in a Lumberjack gimmick!), The Big Boss Man (with one hell of a power feat), Tugboat & Bastian Booger!

Ugh, it’s SINGLET Warrior- that’s always death.

It’s time for more Dream Matches! Including the weirdest “final bout of the House Show” tag match ever! The ultimate battle of WCW Saturday Night: Hole In One versus LIGHTNING FOOT! An odd and very rare Heel vs. Heel Tag Title match on RAW! And a very interesting match featuring 1992 Sean Waltman & Jerry Lynn in a bout featuring a ton of Luchadors!

As always, WWE-owned clips are non-kosher to post here, but they’re all on YouTube.

THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR & BRET “HITMAN” HART vs. PAPA SHANGO & KAMALA (w/ Dr. Harvey Whippleman & Kim Chee):
(WWF Unreleased, Oct. 13th, 1992)
* Oh man, this is weird. Ultimate Warrior (in his “Brick Wall Singlet” era, no less!), just about done with the company, is teaming with the single WWF wrestler least like him against a guy they both have an issue with- Papa Shango possibly “cursed” the Hitman and he lost the IC Title, while he made the Warrior bleed black and puke his guts out on TV in one of the most bizarre, amazing, fantastic angles of 1992… before everyone was kind of just done with that gimmick. And Kamala’s teaming with him because he needs an extra guy, I guess (I mean, voodoo has its roots in African religions, but I doubt the booking team knew that). They’re clearly going with an “Undertaker” vibe with Shango, doing close-ups of “disturbed”, frightened children, but it’s just not taking- the gimmick’s too out there. Who would have guessed that the secret to Charles Wright was to make this 6’6″, 300-lb. tattooed guy a smiling babyface instead?

And it’s time for more Dream Matches- this one actually featuring a GOOD match! Sabu vs. The Lightning Kid! LIGHTNING FOOT in the WWF! And a weird 2007 6-Man Tag with DOINK of all people in a WWF ring with Kane & Eugene as partners. Ric Flair versus a jobber luchador, and one of the laziest Indie Show matches you will ever witness.

A reminder that WWF-owned videos are not kosher to post here- these are all on YouTube, however.

SABU (w/ Oliver Humperdink) vs. THE LIGHTNING KID:
(NWA Grandslam ’93)
* Yes, this is one of the famous indie tape-trader dreams, featuring Sean Waltman (pre-1-2-3 Kid) versus SABU. Sabu, in pink Prince of Persia pants, goes after the announcer before the match to play off his “crazy person” gimmick, while the Kid, in his WWF gear with “L. Kid” printed on his ass, looks like a 14-year old.

YES I’M AN UNAPOLOGETIC MABEL MARK SHUT UP!

It’s time for more of wrestling’s strange oddities, ironic “Dream Matches”, or just stuff I didn’t otherwise know existed. First off, a quartet of 1994 WWF’s least-respected workers in a great FAT MAN STAND-OFF tag match, then a bizarre 6-man from the 1970s era of the company- Gorilla Monsoon & Haystacks Calhoun on the same team! Plus our weekly dose of Hercules, and then two roided-up tag teams from 1996 WCW- did you know that you needed High Voltage vs. The American Males in your life? Because you need High Voltage vs. the American Males in your life.

As always, WWE-owned videos are non-kosher on the Blog, but this is all easily found on YouTube.

YOKOZUNA & CRUSH (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. MABEL & TYPHOON (w/ Oscar):
(WWF TV, 02.07.1994)
* HELL YES it’s my all time favorite kind of match- the FAT MAN STAND-OFF!! My two favorite things in wrestling are high-speed joshi, and Big Fat Guy wrestlers slamming into each other. As a kid, I was unironically a huge fan of both Mabel & Typhoon, so I was delighted when they randomly started teaming up, and because it’s the WWF, they put their 6’10” 550 lb. guy up against the only person fatter, in Yoko. Crush was in his heel persona here, and is quite possibly my least favorite wrestler to watch, ever.

Demolition: The WWF’s biggest tag team… now jobbers.

And we’re back with more Dream Matches- this time, I’m theming it around the unfortunately-low-grade Demolition/LOD feud, which was so, SO disappointing to 1990’s wrestling fans. One of the greatest all-time Dream Match-Ups from schoolyards around the Americas, and there was no PPV blow-off, and it was mostly the Demos turning into wimpy cheating jobbers instead of the epic brawls we were all expecting.

Turns out, the timing just wasn’t right. Ax was being phased out (and soon gave his last fuck), Crush was a newbie who couldn’t do much, and Smash couldn’t lead tag bouts by himself. LOD was the hot new thing, so they were getting the push and that was that. The Demos, triumphant Tag Champions since WrestleMania, were turned heel via some random interviews instead of a big angle, dropped the belts to the Hart Foundation (since LOD were too new to be given the gold just yet) and were more or less sacrificed to the LOD.

What we see here is some of the few times the teams fought each other in a televised fashion.

As always, WWF-owned clips are non-kosher to post on the Blog. These are all on YouTube, though.