Dream Matches — page 17

And we’re back with more of wrestling’s weirdest side-matches. This time some stuff Maffew showed me- possibly the greatest disparate bunch of dudes ever, all from a one-night tag tournament in Tenryu’s WAR promotion in Japan! Even better, there’s Buddy Rogers vs. Haystacks Calhoun from 1961, and Antonio Inoki versus the famous “Fat Motorcycle Twins”.

KOJI KITAO & EL GIGANTE vs. TYPHOON & THE GREAT SHINJA:
(One-Night Tag Tournament, Wrestle Association R, Japan, 12.08.1995)
* Maffew got this one for me, so you can blame him, lol. Gigante you know as the most hopeless wrestler ever; Kitao is infamous for the 1991 match where he & Earthquake shot on each other, and was a failed yokozuna-level sumo (promoted just to “have a native Sumo at the top level”), retiring in disgrace after never having won a tournament and feuding with his stable bosses (sumo is dirty as FUCK, though). Typhoon is from the WWF, and… Earthquake’s partner, so that’ll be interesting. The Great Shinja is Akio Sato of the Orient Express (in the shittier original version), and was also Hakushi’s manager Shinja in the WWF. Gigante’s in red shorts, Kitao’s in a white gi, Typhoon’s in his WWF gear (and pretty much exactly the same size as Kitao), and Shinja’s in a white shirt & pants that just make him look like someone’s dad who just wandered into the ring.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6plvxy

And we’re back with more of wrestling’s most unusually-booked matches! Or just random stuff on YouTube I found! First up, one of the most disparate matches ever in terms of the gulf in workrate between the two competitors. Plus one of those “Split up two tag teams and have them wrestle each other” WWF matches that I love, the Beverlies taking on the weirdest JTTS duo ever, and then one of WCW’s weirdest Jobber Matches- an 8-man tag mixing the Quebecers, Roadblock & Greg Valentine together.

As always, WWF-owned clips are non-kosher to publish on the Blog, but you can find them easily enough on YouTube.

THE GREAT MUTA vs. EL GIGANTE:
(08.02.1995)
* Oh this just looks fascinating. Keiji Mutoh is at the peak of his abilities here as the Great Muta, and he’s up against the most hopeless man to ever have wrestled. Gigante just LOOKS awkward, being all gangly and 7’7″, especially in his little blue gym shorts. Muta’s a huge star in his black pants and black & white facepaint. Entrances and interviews take up a HUGE amount of this, as they’re clearly building it up as a huge deal.

And we’re back with more of wrestling’s oddest Dream Matches! Two in one week, no less! Tonight we’ll see a “WTF?” Old-Timers vs. Rookies match as two of the Four Pillars face some washed-up megastars, and some WWF hossery from various giant dudes based off of historical & mythological figures! More Berzerker- challenging his counterpart, the Barbarian! Also the Warlord versus Hercules!

Once again, WWF-owned YouTube clips get the Blog into trouble, but they’re not hard to find with a simple search.

ANDRE THE GIANT, GIANT BABA & DORY FUNK, JR. vs. TOSHIYAKI KAWADA, KENTA KOBASHI & TSUYOSHI KIKUCHI:
* Okay, now this is just strange. I figured Baba was only in the “comedy matches” at this point, as he looks about as unintimidating as you can possibly look while being nearly as tall as Andre is, but there you go. He’s got his standard “broad and wide torso that nonetheless has all the ribs exposed like he’s a starvation victim” physique, with the lil’ tiny bird arms, and red trunks. Andre’s in a blue version of his regular gear, while Dory’s in blue- he’s a HUGE legend in Japan and deeply respected for his work with Baba and others. Kawada’s the Grumpy Kicking Asshole (ignoring Dory’s handshake attempt), Kobashi’s a young up & comer not quite into his big push, and Kikuchi’s his tag partner- a guy with a GREAT wrestling physique (Dynamite/Savage-style size & body), but who never got a serious push after that tag team. He’s instantly recognized as the “polite Young Boy wrestler” by him gleefully shaking Dory’s hand.

And we’re back with more bizarre finds of “what can I find by typing random names into YouTube?” (and also some requests from sadistic BOD members). This set sees a match between two of the worst workers of all time clearly booked by a monster, along with some unusual WWF matches- the Colossal Connection vs. The Rockers, plus a certain legendary JTTS worker “Huss”-es his way in!

Once again, WWF YouTube videos are non-kosher to post here, but you can find them pretty easily.

ZEUS vs. ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER:
(World Wrestling Council, 1990)
* OH MY GOD SOMEONE ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN!!! This is in Puerto Rico, a pretty wild territory (a murderous one, even), with the famous blood ‘n’ guts wrestler Abdullah facing off against Zeus, following his WWF run, which was so bad he wasn’t even trusted to do a solo match with Hogan in a big way. They look like a pair of “Fist of the North Star” villains fighting- Zeus roided to the gills and in silver & black pants, and Abdullah this scarred-up monstrosity, baggy pants hoisted up to his tits. I mean, at least Zeus LOOKS like a star.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwGrDn1iDG0&ab_channel=ScroogeMcSuck

It’s time for more Dream Matches! Some of which are unironically good! We start off with one of the most infamous combinations of poor workers in history, and go from there.

Note: I skip YouTube links for the WWF-owned stuff, since I believe it demonetizes the blog.

EL GIGANTE vs. NAILZ:
(New Japan Pro Wrestling, 1994 G-1 Climax)
* Wearing black shorts and with a curly mullet, the 7’7″ Jorge Gonzalez was given a “Freak Show” match or two in New Japan, and here his opponent is a real shocker- NAILZ, fresh from being fired by the WWF for attacking Vince McMahon in a dispute over money (told hilariously here by Bret Hart). This is, quite literally, the worst match I can imagine putting together- Nailz was an absolutely horrendous worker whose offense consisted of choking with one hand and choking with two, and he’s up against probably the worst professionally-trained wrestler in the world. A guy as big as Nailz not even coming up to a guy’s collarbone is a pretty astounding sight, I will admit.

This is like what happens when you hit “Random” in Fire Pro.

RANDOM DREAM MATCHES:
* So randomly searching YouTube for stuff, I found some true gems and some weird stuff, and decided to make a thing of it. This first one is just BONKERS and it got a great reaction when I posted it in the live thread a week back, so I had to share it here. Some are ironic “LOLWTF THOSE guys wrestled!?!” while others are legitimately good. A few of these are WWF & WCW matches posted on YouTube, so I won’t post them here (it demonetizes the blog or somesuch thing), but they’re easy to find.

ANDRE THE GIANT, EL CANEK & VILLANO III vs. KOKINA MAXIMUS, BUFFALO ALLEN & BLACK SCORPIO:
(Universal Wrestling Association, Mexico, 03.05.1992)
* Yes, it’s YOKOZUNA, BAD NEWS BROWN & 2 COLD SCORPIO! Fighting ANDRE, plus Mexican legend El Canek (one of the few guys to slam Andre) and Villaino III (elder brother of IV & V). This is like what happens if you hit “Random” in Fire Pro to make your teams- Andre dressed in a red singlet teaming up with fighting Yokozuna, Bad News Brown and 2 Cold Scorpio! Andre is BEYOND washed up at this point, while Yoko is almost ready for his WWF run, being not quite as fat as he’d be in his 450-lb. debut. Andre’s in a red singlet, Canek’s in white, and Villano’s in blue. Kokina’s in black trunks, Allen’s in his usual black, and Scorpio is wearing a yellow mask and long tights- he’s got a great physique here, too.