Toshiaki Kawada vs. Akira Taue (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a great match in the early ’90s blood feud of Toshiaki Kawada & Akira Taue, as Akira fights for every advantage while Kawada does his level-best to murder his future tag team partner!

Then it’s Booker T vs. La Parka in a quick barely-competitive match from a 1998 WCW Monday Nitro! Then I found a very early Becky Lynch match from SHIMMER as she takes on Daizee Haze in a Best 2 of 3 Falls Match in some dark-ass indie hall, back when she was “Rebecca Knox”! Over to ECW WrestlePalooza ’97 where the Dudley Boys face The Sandman & Balls Mahoney for a title shot! Then our PWI 500 guy of the week is THE CAT BURGLAR, a weak Repo Man knockoff who fights the Bonzai Warrior in one match, and recurring foe Lucifer (not the AEW one) in a Strap Match!

TOSHIAKI KAWADA vs. AKIRA TAUE:
(All Japan, Jan. 15th 1991)
* The Story: THEY HATE EACH OTHER. More to the point, Taue is part of the same generation of trainees as Kawada is, and thus “should” have sided with them against Jumbo Tsuruta and his army of veterans when battle lines were drawn. Instead, Taue was lured in by the grandeur of Jumbo and his guys, and is thus a TRAITOR. And instead of cutting promos about how Akira “isn’t being a very good friend right now” and whining about it, Kawada just seeks his immediate death. But as he’s basically babyface Randy Savage in how while he’s a shit-disturber and hellion he’s MASSIVELY easy to provoke, Taue fires back by trolling him and fighting dirty whenever possible, provoking him every chance he can get.

Case in point, Taue’s in first, so when Kawada comes down the aisle and hits the ring apron, Taue just rifles him off and into the guardrail, then beats on him out there and smashes him into the post before the bell. The crowd immediately chants “KAWADA!” so he obliges them by denting Taue’s trachea with his lariat and kicking him in the spine (Akira knows to do the >.< face and hold his throat after the neck shot), but Akira counters by shoving him off and entering SUMO STANCE~~ and hitting his own lariat! Yes- when pressed, young Taue would default to his sumo training instead of puro and do shit like that until he “trained it out” by experience. Kawada rolls to the floor and Taue recovers in-ring, but still pounces with a dropkick to prevent Kawada from reentering. LUMBERING GIANT TOPE! Taue follows with a toss to the railing and a lariat OVER it, then starts dumping chairs on Kawada. Oh, he gonna die for this. Kawada’s jsut writhing in pain on the filthy arena floor, popcorn lying around him while Taue regains some cardio, and when Kawada gets up all screwy-faced trying to get back in the ring, Taue won’t let up and keeps stomping him from his save vantage point because he’s AWFUL. Oh, but he goes through the ropes to allow himself a better striking position and Kawada catches the mistake and drags him out by the foot and hits repeating forehead smashes into the guardrail, machine-gun style! He grabs a chair as the ref “checks on Taue” and conveniently slips something back into his pocket as Kawada tees off on Taue’s forehead with the chair and sure enough, the next closeup is of trickles of blood streaming down Akira’s face. He deserves it!

A bleeding Taue is whipped to the guardrail, but when he tries to rebound with a lariat Kawada intercepts with a kick! But Taue catches one to the chest and swings it into the guardrail to save himself and hurt Kawada! Taue finally seeks to press a lead by dropping on the knee, but Kawada spams kicks with the good leg to the back of his head, forcing Taue to punch the shit out of him and apply a heel hook. Kawada keeps spiting him with kicks, but Taue’s stuns him, and he quickly dumps Kawada for a big stomp off the apron as the fans boo his dishonorable tactics. Kneecrusher on a table! Kawada’s SCREAMING in agony as Taue again recovers in-ring, and we see Jumbo watching with his trademark serious expression/frown and his arms crossed. Taue keeps stomping the leg in the ring, Kawada trying to kick from the ground with his good leg because he’ll go for ANY bit of advantage, but Taue slaps on a figure-four for a while (the hurt knee is on the leg he bends, though)- oh god and now he POSTS the leg! Repeatedly! Kawada keeps throwing grazing kicks from that position but it’s posted again, and when they’re up, he has to give up kicks after only a few and switch to elbows, but tries some knees and Taue pulls him down by that leg. He pulls off a few more submissions, but Kawada won’t stop kicking him in the face and he pulls the man up for some headbutts with a REALLY angry look on his face. But Kawada slaps him so hard you see where his fingers wiped off Taue’s blood!

BLAMMO!

They get into a MANLY SLAPFIGHT, ending with Taue headbutting him half to death and doing a one-man Shaker Heights Spike by javelining him into the mat headfirst. Taue tries to finish by whipping Kawada off the ropes and stands ready to catch him (Samoan drop?) but Kawada rifles a kick into his collarbone. Taue tries headbutts but Kawada comes back with elbows, but Taue gets pressed and goes to SUMO again, throwing chest-chops to shove Kawada into the corner, where he can hit a rollover DDT for two! Kenta Kobashi is seen poking his head through the curtain backstage as Taue CLIMBS to finish (?!)- Kawada of course catches him but it’s a TRAP as Taue collapses his full body weight on top of him for two! Kawada desperately kicks out, but Taue starts his finisher series with an atomic drop, but Kawada uses the momentum to fire off the ropes… and into Taue’s boot! But Taue himself revs up off the ropes and runs into KAWADA’s shot and is flattened! Kawada goes for his Powerbomb but Taue flips up and drops onto him for a close two, then starts firing headbutts into him on the mat! He kicks him while he’s down, but bends over and eats a kick to the head, so fires off a HARDER kick (Kawada: “AAGGHHHH!”) and hauls him up- inside cradle from Kawada! The crowd chants his name as an exhausted Taue rains headbutts into the back of his head, but Kawada just throws his hands off and hits a lariat to the back of the head! He barely rolls Taue over and flops over onto him dead and that’s THREE at (11:44)! Kawada wins! Hate and spite prevail!

Man, All Japan is just the ultimate form of wrestling, haha. All the story arcs and character bits pay off in-ring with viciousness and hatred, guys pulling out all the stops to win. Kawada is a master-seller, not only doing the big expressions and huge sell-jobs, but doing the Randy Savage “fighting from underneath” thing, firing off kicks and slaps every opening he can find even when selling to show he’s still got fire even if he’s dying. Taue was a great cockbite, fighting dirty and using ring positioning and shit to take the lead- watch him always prevent Kawada from getting back into the ring, stomping him from the apron, and then sliding back in so he can do it again. Things that aren’t ILLEGAL but are dishonorable and cowardly. This makes it awesome when Kawada catches him with a mistake and busts his face open with repeater-shots into the guardrail, but Taue can STILL be sneaky by smashing his leg, which changes the course of the match. Kawada sells the leg by limping AND by throwing kicks but getting them caught and having to stop so by the end he’s given up on his signature weapon. Taue also counters his powerbomb, giving Kawada few options, so that desperation lariat saves his life.

Rating: ****1/4 (just phenomenal character stuff)

WCW TV TITLE:
BOOKER T vs. LA PARKA:
(WCW Monday Nitro, April 13th 1998)
* One of WCW’s terrific “random grab-bag of guys” singles matches sees Booker go up against the world’s best JTTS (man I don’t care how much Parka loved the nose candy- PUSH HIM for fuck’s sake!). Parka “spits” on him and Booker sells it- that’d be some amazing skill if Parka managed to spit through that tiny opening for his mouth. Their size difference is interesting- Booker’s taller but Parka might weigh more (HE’S FAT), and Booker’s in his leaner WCW era.

Parka brushes Booker aside so he can do his little dance, reacting to the boos, then Booker just does his “UHHHHHH!” holler and gets a better reaction. A lockup breaks up in the corner, then Parka suckers him in with a knee and throws some chops, but Booker reverses a whip and back body drops him- La Parka ducks a clothesline but Booker catches him with his flying forearm. La Parka wristlocks out of a pithold but Booker easily switches to his counter-side kick, then they trade shots until Parka gets clotheslined over the ropes. But he cleverly kicks the middle rope as Booker re-enters the ring, sacking him and working him over, but a criss-cross leads to a mid-ring collision. That’s a double-down, La Parka up first but running into a spinebuster (a fan throws something white and everyone mistakes it for part of Parka’s gear, haha), then Booker floats over on a suplex attempt and hits his Ax Kick (I think he taters Parka good on that’n), then pancakes him, Spinaroonies up (before it had a name) and Harlem side kicks him to set up the Missile Dropkick he’d added to his finishers for three at (3:31)- that was weird- he was so far away and split his legs up for some reason, so he only caught La Parka with one foot.

Lucha/White Guy matches are always interesting in WCW because the lucha guys won’t hit their regular lucha spots owing to unfamiliarity from their opponent (someone with Mexican training like Jericho, however, can take them), which would lead to botching. So they often descend into plodding brawls so nobody does anything the other can’t handle. In this case, Booker’s style is very speed-based so instead they do a bunch of Irish whips to set up EVERYTHING. It’s almost like the Power Plant “only Internationals” style but this is way more kinetic, as they’re charging around and not doing the “drop-down/leapfrog” stuff but instead trying to kill each other and missing. Then it leads to the inevitable “Booker T Thing” from around this time- getting some time to do his offense and he just spams out a whole series of video game stuff that usually looks awesome. The match is typical Nitro filler, and so one-sided La Parka can’t get more than one move in a row, but a bit more high-tempo.

Rating: ** (Booker is always a fun match, and it’s a breezy if non-competitive flurry)

BEST TWO OF THREE FALLS:
REBECCA KNOX vs. DAIZEE HAZE:
(Shimmer Women Athletes, May 21st, 2006)
* Some appearances by future Shimmer wrestlers in 2002 ARSION made me think about that promotion, and one of the first things that stood out to me was an early Becky Lynch match, when she was Rebecca Knox (her real name is Rebecca Quin). This is VERY unlikely to be good, however, as both are super green and don’t have many reps- Becky debuted in late 2002 (apparently Finn Balor was her trainer- huh!) and is only 19 here, and Haze debuted in 2003 and is only 20. Becky has none of the build she’d gain in WWE, as she’s bone-thin here, and doing a silly dance and whining for attention. Haze I mostly remember from TNA, but she’s sort of mostly in Shimmer from what I can see of her career, which lasted from 2003-2011. I’m not sure if I ever actually saw her wrestle. This building is PUNY and super dark.

FALL ONE: Daizee does a dance and the fans chant “You Got Served!” at a screaming Knox, who does a silly Irish jig into a line-dancing foot-slapping bit. They do a cromulent but clunky chain-wrestling routine over an armbar that of course draws excessive applause. Knox does an okay whirling fireman’s takedown (Haze knows to just stand there while she spins, though it looks like she isn’t even fighting), but Haze reverses to a leg thing- they mess up an O’Connor Roll and flop around as Knox fishes for limbs and tries a Muta Lock, kinda sliding off half-ways (“a modification” sez commentary, lol). Haze is decent at fishing for a limb to force a break and counter, but Knox is just waving her arms around on all of them, only occasionally fishing for a front facelock to counter most things. They’re both a little too gangly & unathletic to be trying to be as fancy as they are, often slipping out or scrambling around as things get messed up. Knox keeps going for fireman’s takeovers as a default, Haze switching to a headscissors. This just goes ON as they keep fishing for stuff but never getting anywhere, then Daizee “trips” Knox (hitting her mid-thigh so the bump is weird) and does the world’s ugliest La Majistral into the ropes. More takedown attempts have them looking pretty tired, and Knox hits a fisherman’s neckbreaker for our first real two-count. Knox slides to the floor and Daize hits a simply AWFUL tope suicida, diving under the middle rope and kinda hugging Knox and pulling her down because she got so little momentum.

A fight on the floor goes Knox’s way as she spazzes out with chops, but Haze gives it back before going into the railing. Back in, that gets two. Knox slams her but goes up and misses a Guillotine Legdrop. Lol I like how they’ve given up chain-wrestling entirely, as if admitting that was only ever for show. Haze misses a bizarre missile dropkick where she scissor kicks her legs out (probably to get a heel down to break her fall). Haze appears all fucked up as she “kicks out” at 1 (just rolling over), and twirls to attempt her Heart Punch set-up, they spin awkwardly and scramble their arms around until Haze sorta pops her with a quick heart punch then runs into a Yakuza Kick, pinning Knox at (17:22). Knox, having just eaten a kick finisher, gets up and whines like it was a flash-pin and she’s in disbelief while Haze is the one still selling. Daizee takes her time getting up, but sits up without even using her hands and Knox makes a big deal out of them having to share the same bottle of water (“Germs!”). Yes, the budget is so low for this show they not only don’t have a fucking light, but they have to share THE SAME BOTTLE.

FALL TWO: They immediately trade indie forearms and chops before Haze arbitrarily lands a double-arm submission, wrapping her legs sorta around Knox’s thighs (a Manami Toyota submission that used to get snapped on in one motion). Knox forward rolls out and hits a dropkick, then bends Haze down and bridges backwards to compress her spine, as now they’re doing FANCY submissions and not just chain-wrestling. They’re looking really blown up now, too. Knox hits a snap suplex for two but does another spinning takedown, but Haze kinda ties her arms up weird so it looks like they’re hugging before legsweeping her down. Fans didn’t understand that was a submission, I think. Haze holds her in a grounded octopus so they can rest a bit, then Knox arbitrarily flings herself out and they trade FLAILY ARM FLAILING, Knox winning with “Kawada kicks” and a boot, then schoolboys her and holds the ropes for the pin (4:36).

FALL THREE: Knox is fucking around with her gear after the bell so gets charged and hung in the tree of woe for a knee, getting two. Haze does La Majistral, but whips Knox to the corner where she hits her Double-Jump Dropkick, flailing wildly on the landing. Daizee’s kickout is literally just “leaning onto her side”, not actually bursting out at all. SOMEONE CALL REGAL! Knox deathlocks the legs (WHY!?! She’s never touched her legs all match!), Haze kicking her off and Knox “running” to the ropes and falling backwards into a pin that she overrolls and has to turn into a submission. Knox hits a backdrop suplex, but Haze escapes another by landing on her ass and a bad O’Connor Roll gets two, Knox barely kicking out and ending up taking the heart punch, which she doesn’t sell- she ducks the Yakuza Kick but tries a standing backdrop that Haze reverses for two, but they stand there in dizzy mode for a second and Knox takes her down and locks up the legs for a submission again, this time holding the ropes for leverage and Haze flops down “from the pain” and the ref immediately counts three instead of selling it like she passed out or anything (Haze goes from selling to flopping back and that’s it).

oh man, this got SO BAD. This was interesting, in that there was a ton of effort, but neither had the athleticism or reps to be any good yet, so they were often defaulting to the same offense (Knox kept doing spinning fireman’s takeovers and deathrolling out to counter things, while Haze kept defaulting to snapmares, headlocks & deathlocks), but things kept getting clunky as they’d get caught up on one another because nobody really had the strength or heft to pull the other around or leap into the other’s move, so it’d be more scrambly and weird that you’d typically see in chain-wrestling. Also they do this for like TEN MINUTES with no real story developing, which isn’t how you should do it (the chain-wrestling should come after some early higher-tempo stuff or people going for bigger stuff but having it countered), and the fact that the entire rest of the match features NONE of that illustrates how it was all merely perfunctory and almost like they were “showing off”. This ends up feeling more like they were mat wrestling because they think they’re SUPPOSED to, not because there’s any real point to it (indie wrestling in the early 2000s had a lot of that until MOVEZ took hold- extended match-times and “working a limb” became the norm because that’s what people though “psychology” meant). Naturally, after this LONG first fall both are tired and instead of chaining moves together just “pop out” of submissions and trade flurries of bad-looking strikes, huff and puff and take periodic restholds, and by the end of it they’re not working well at all, unable to run much and are scramblier than ever, doing weak kickouts and more. I did like Knox cheating to get all of her pins, but oddly she never attempts to cheat during the rest of the match- ONLY the two times when it scores falls.

Rating: *1/2 (almost looked like it was gonna be a cromulent, if flawed, **-ish match, but once they got blown up it was flaily and really, REALLY bad)

THE DUDLEY BOYZ (Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley, w/ Joel Gertner, Sign Guy & Big Dick Dudley) vs. BALLS MAHONEY & THE SANDMAN:
(ECW WrestlePalooza ’97, Philadelphia)
* This is from shortly after the Dudleys got turned from a comedy stable of amateur jobbers into a serious tag team within ECW. Their big thing is for Buh-Buh (I’m just writing it as “Bubba” from now on, lol), now dropping his stuttering gimmick, insulting the fans with vulgar displays. Joey Styles is in full “Verbal BJ Mode”, speaking for Paul Heyman by stating the Dudleys “might be the most underrated tag team in the sport today”, who “get better with each and every match-up”. They come out to no theme music, scowling at the fans, Bubba shoving the “Hat Guy” fan. Both of the Dudleys say “fuck” and “shit” a lot in lieu of good lines, which was the style at the times. You could sorta see they had something charisma-wise, but they were hardly big-time mic workers by this point. Joel adds some cheap heat dissing the local Flyers. This takes TWELVE MINUTES. Yes, on PPV. If I recall, this was kind of a common thing with ECW’s big shows- lots of 10-minute promos and the occasional pointless squash, as if they had no idea how to time things out. Now it’s the mandatory full playing of “Enter Sandman” as the beer-guzzling babyfaces come out with kendo sticks- Sandman keeps spraying booze on Bubba, who does theatrical “hold me back, bro!” lunges at him in return.

(17:55) into the 26-minute video the babyfaces charge the heels and FINALLY the bell rings! They throw punches and whip the heels off the ropes and floor them- the fans chant “Balls!” as Balls slugs D-Von to the apron and a big swing has Bubba faceplanting like a cartoon. The heels quickly come back, D-Von on the floor and Bubba absorbing a chop through two layers of fabric and doing a boot-choke to Sandman. Balls nails D-Von with a chair so Bubba canes him from the apron, Sandman jumping him from behind at the same time, nearly wrecking the spot but Bubba has enough instincts to bump off it after getting his swing off. Of course Sandman follows with a fucking PESCADO, haha- how can you not love this idiot? He just SQUASHES Bubba against the guardrail with that, too. And then the idiot decides to do a run-up plancha, hitting D-Von with the cane but also landing on Balls! Styles mocks his accuracy as D-Von slinks off and Bubba smashes a chair into Balls, who gets flung into the stands by D-Von, where those two run off and brawl into the back while Sandman throws sloppy offense (a DROPKICK?) against Bubba in the ring. A fan gives D-Von a chair and a bleeding Balls gets smashed, but he punches D-Von in the nuts. All four are back at ringside as Sandman slams Bubba and flings a table onto him, and the two wobble about in the ring trading punches, flopping down but getting up until they’re using each other for leverage to remain standing. Big Dick aids D-Von against Balls (“That has to be like being mauled by a 328-pound grizzly bear!” so… a smaller grizzly bear?) as Bubba lands a Bubba Cutter off-camera and Balls saves. Balls hammers away, but Bubba sends him off the ropes for the Bubba Slam (bossman slam), but won’t cover and Balls seems to signal D-Von to go away for a ref-distraction spot so he misses Bubba’s cover… and then they just hit 3D on a chair to end Balls at (7:26) anyways. What was that about? Sandman chases them off as the fans don’t make much more than scattered noise- apparently the Dudleys face the Eliminators later that night- they lose.

Entertaining nonsense- just a sloppy brawl but you couldl see that the Dudleys were actually trying to make something of it, doing cartoonish selling, like D-Von constantly wobbling and twitching. Bubba also flat-faced and was actually very solid at getting into position for Sandman’s wild “whatever I can think of” offense- that can NOT be easy and requires a steady hand. He’d do some good selling, was quick to pop back up after dropping (and he’s FAT), and was quick on his feet in there. The ending was pretty dumb, though- after all this wild brawling and a bunch of weapon shots, the finish is just Big Dick fighting Sandman until he’s not in the ring for the Dudleys’ finisher. Very anticlimactic and not built to at all- like, why do the delayed count and missed cover and just do a regular finisher anyways? The comparatively low effort and fewer bumps make more sense given the Dudleys are working twice tonight.

Rating: ** (just a messy brawl of punches and weapon shots, but kinda fun)

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: THE CAT BURGLAR:
Appearances: #478 in 1995, #436 in 1996

-Oh my god, you guys! It’s a TEMU REPO MAN! If only I’d known sooner! He’s an ordinary-looking guy in a Dread Pirate Roberts outfit, complete with black Zorrow mask. Debuting in 1994, his gimmick immediately drew “lol stick him in the 400s” ratings from the PWI 500, but he never went anywhere in the business. All I see on YouTube are scattered micro-promotions (he was all over the Mid-Eastern Wrestling Federation, which has almost all of his Cagematch matches) with the dude fighting people I’ve never heard of, but some go to 2001. Looks like he won the MEWF Light Heavyweight Title off and on, at least! He apparently retired in 2012. No word from Barry Darsow if he was offended that someone would mess with the sanctity of the Repo Man gimmick.

THE CAT BURGLAR vs. THE BONZAI WARRIOR:
(Mid-Eastern Wrestling Federation)
* The Burglar towers over the Bonzai Warrior, who has a “regular joe” physique, red sweatpants and a red mask.

Bonzai keeps bowing, causing the Burglar to bow himself, and Bonzai immediately jumps him. His name is “The Cat Burglar” and he’s the BABYFACE? Bonzai keeps on him with basic stuff like a suplex and a “karate chop then pose” move off the ropes, and it seems like he’s actually fully-trained, at least. Bonzai charges into the corner and gets schoolboyed for two, but he chokes Cat Burglar out and keeps posing. He should be able to do his finisher ten times in a row with all the bowing he’s been doing! Nobody home on a Vader Bomb and Cat Burglar mounts the comeback, sending Bonzai Warrior to the Ministry of Silly Walks with his sells of atomic drops. Bonzai counters a whip to the corner but misses a cartwheel handspring elbow and Cat Burglar goes up with a flying sunset flip for the pin (3:49), winning the match! Temu Repo Man over Temu Great Muta. Actually not as bad as you might expect from two guys named “Cat Burglar” and “Bonzai Warrior”- both at least seemed fully-trained, if not terribly good. Like it’s a perfectly cromulent indie match in front of a small amount of fans and nobody blew anything or looked like a clumsy idiot.

Rating: *1/2 (just a regular-ass short indie match and not bad for what it was)

STRAP MATCH:
THE CAT BURGLAR vs. LUCIFER:
(Mid-Eastern Wrestling Federation, 06/02/1996)
* It’s Lucifer! But not that one in AEW. Some other indies Lucifer who lasted from 1992-2004, and is some short fat guy (but not like… “sit on you out of a sunset flip” fat- just beer-bellied) with a bad beard and wild hair in the ECW T-Shirt of Shame. These two guys are CONSTANT sights in MEWF cards, and both showed up on a 2009 “Legends of Maryland Wrestling” show alongside legends like Duane Gill, Barry Hardy and Headbanger Mosh. These guys are frequently partners, but now hate each other.

An evil commissioner is handcuffed at ringside while it’s clear that everyone has very Italian-esque accents, but I don’t really know my East Coast accents that well. Cat Burglar complains but Lucifar pulls the strap between his legs to sack him, then pulls him back in (smooth re-entry by C.B.) into a slam and a clumsy cover to establish that those aren’t legal here. Lucifer chokes him out and clotheslines him with the strap, but some wimpy “whips” are barely sold. The choking just goes on as I notice Lucifer is pretty clumsy- like he nearly falls over every time his weight shifts. He uses a boot-choke, dumps Cat Burglar, then charges into the post by accident and the Burglar takes over with choking and elbowdrops. The Burglar hits 3 of 4 corners, but Lucifer rips him down with the strap and the ref has to reattach it. Cat Burglar hits a Sabu-style Arabian moonsault, then a Stinger Splash as I think both guys are blown up now. Cat Burglar manages to hit all four corners but the ref declares it three (lol did they BOTCH this?) and Burglar climbs up and leaps into Lucifer’s arms, where he’s hit with the fallaway slam. Lucifer promptly hits three corners while bashing Cat Burglar into them, then pulls him away from the fourth and slaps it himself to win the match (9:16).

Rating: DUD (Simply awful match- I was thinking this’d be more high-effort since they knew and wrestled each other a ton, but this was “just punching/choking” for the entire duration)