Ugh, it’s SINGLET Warrior- that’s always death.
It’s time for more Dream Matches! Including the weirdest “final bout of the House Show” tag match ever! The ultimate battle of WCW Saturday Night: Hole In One versus LIGHTNING FOOT! An odd and very rare Heel vs. Heel Tag Title match on RAW! And a very interesting match featuring 1992 Sean Waltman & Jerry Lynn in a bout featuring a ton of Luchadors!
As always, WWE-owned clips are non-kosher to post here, but they’re all on YouTube.
THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR & BRET “HITMAN” HART vs. PAPA SHANGO & KAMALA (w/ Dr. Harvey Whippleman & Kim Chee):
(WWF Unreleased, Oct. 13th, 1992)
* Oh man, this is weird. Ultimate Warrior (in his “Brick Wall Singlet” era, no less!), just about done with the company, is teaming with the single WWF wrestler least like him against a guy they both have an issue with- Papa Shango possibly “cursed” the Hitman and he lost the IC Title, while he made the Warrior bleed black and puke his guts out on TV in one of the most bizarre, amazing, fantastic angles of 1992… before everyone was kind of just done with that gimmick. And Kamala’s teaming with him because he needs an extra guy, I guess (I mean, voodoo has its roots in African religions, but I doubt the booking team knew that). They’re clearly going with an “Undertaker” vibe with Shango, doing close-ups of “disturbed”, frightened children, but it’s just not taking- the gimmick’s too out there. Who would have guessed that the secret to Charles Wright was to make this 6’6″, 300-lb. tattooed guy a smiling babyface instead?
Haha, Bret has to noticeably pull hard to get away from a fan grabbing his arm- you can see him try to remain with his “smirking Hitman face” even as he’s repeatedly trying to pull away. That’s why he’s the Champ. The match is a full 1:40 of stalling as Kamala falls out like a klutz to escape the Warrior and various guys avoid contact. Bret has to tag in and gets backed into the corner, but dodges a charge and hits an armlock. Kamala teases a test of strength for ANOTHER minute, but tries a chop and Bret is wise, catching the arm and stomping his foot. Shango boots him and slugs away, then Kamala chokes him and chops him out of a charge. Bret goes into the corner (… BACK FIRST?), but gets his foot up on Shango, tagging in Warrior! Clothesline city! Kamala comes in with a chop but gets bodyslammed (a big one, too). Jumping shoulderblock and Warrior Splash finish Shango at (6:37). Wait… seriously? Bret just got tooled for the whole thing and then it’s an instant win for Warrior?
Talk about a lazy “House Show Match”- Bret had to take the beating and Warrior didn’t sell a single move and won easily? 3/4 of the guys were no good at this point, but holy cow, poor Bret, haha. The crowd was pretty quiet for this, and the comments on YouTube indicate this was a 4-hour taping’s final match, which might explain it. I mean, how can you care about THIS when you’ve had Max Moon beat Repo Man by DQ, three count-outs, and already saw Bret beat The Berzerker?
Rating: * (lazy nothing match)
It’s not weird that I love this theme, is it? This is such “terrible 1990s teen sitcom” theme music.
MONEY, INC. (Ted DiBiase & Irwin R. Schyster) vs. THE BEVERLY BROTHERS (Beau & Blake):
(Monday Night RAW, 1993)
* Yes, really. A last-ditch shot for the Beverlies, who were on their way out at the time. They’d just jobbed to the Steiners, and given advice to the Champs on how to handle them, but Money Inc. couldn’t pick up the win either, so the two teams scrapped. This results in an ultra-rare Heel vs. Heel match-up. Neither team has their regular manager at this point, and it’s non-title. Vince even blurts out that “nobody cares who wins this one”, which he’d fire someone for saying today. The dreaded Rob Bartlett on commentary offers such “comedy” as unemotionally saying “… the Beverly Hillbillies” when asked who he thinks will win. “Sorry I asked” says Macho, not even bothering to hide his contempt.
Money Inc. attack to start, but the Beverlies actually overpower them with brawling and chase them off- everyone in here is actually GIGANTIC, but you never realize it in 1993 WWF (IRS is the smallest dude here, yet taller than his son Bray Wyatt). Blake outwrestles DiBiase and dodges an elbow, and Beau comes off the top on the arm. They do a cross-armbreaker/falling headbutt combo and stay on it, working babyface here. Yet Ted tags out and the ref didn’t see it, so IRS has to leave- this is so weird. They’re doing heat spots when both teams are bad guys. Rob calls Vince “Dave” and then moans that Sherri “Beat me up, Vince! I got beaten up by a GIRL” in this weird pouty voice. Savage actually gets some good lines “I don’t trust a woman with a voice lower than mine” re: Luna Vachon, and says Irwin’s tag is illegal since is foot is on the bottom rope “I know my rules- I just don’t follow ’em!”. But wow, this ring work is very pedestrian stuff. They’re at least being mobile, but it’s all armbars and hammerlocks.
Ted FINALLY elbows out, but Irwin walks right into more arm stuff. IRS gets choked via the tag rope, but we return from the break with Money Inc. trading off on a front facelock on Beau. So everyone’s cheating, but nobody’s getting heat because they’re not acting douchey about it or mouthing off or anything. Ted puts his head down and gets clocked, but Beau gets a backhand (or something?) and flops over for a Double-KO bit. IRS goes for a clothesline but takes a jumping one from Beau, but ANOTHER Double-KO sees Ted come in again. HE takes a neckbreaker, and that finally lets Blake get in. Baaaaaack body-drop, and he tags the exhausted Beau back in (Vince & Savage give them shit for that), but Beau keeps on Ted and hits another back body drop- IRS breaks up the pin but the Beverlies boot him out, and Beau accidentally hammers Blake, leaving him vulnerable to the WWF’s most devastating finisher- the Schoolboy Rollup at (10:58).
A very long, plodding TV match, with most of the offense consisting of armlocks on DiBiase, but then suddenly we got to break and Money Inc. are the heels again. In heel/heel matches, I’d kinda prefer LOTS of dirty tactics, people brawling, trying to cheat, etc., but the worst we got here was some unfair tags and a tag-rope spot. And because everyone was a heel, the fans never cheered or got into it, so bleh.
Rating: ** (fine enough technical wrestling, but overall pretty anemic, with a weak finish)
You know what I love about Barry Darsow? Dude has some of the biggest bullshit to try and get over in wrestling, yet puts his absolute all into it. Never half-assed.
“HOLE IN ONE” BARRY DARSOW vs. “LIGHTNING FOOT” JERRY FLYNN:
(WCW Saturday Night, 27.03.1999)
* It’s Beloved WCW Jobber Time, as Darsow in his final gimmick in the “Big Two”, that of an avid, loudmouthed golfer, up against LIGHTNING FOOT, who walks to the ring with no gestures at all, and a completely blank look on his face. See, at least Darsow has a shit gimmick but WORKS IT, y’know? Dude is talking shit to the crowd, waving his clubs around, etc. He’s wearing a t-shirt & black pants and is washed up at 38, but he’s putting effort into his act.
Darsow throws some mocking “karate kicks” and takes a swing at a fan in the stands, then walks into the armbar/thigh-kick thing and even takes a BACKFIST, as LIGHTNING FOOT is channeling Aja Kong tonight. Darsow dodges a big kick and chokes away as Scott Hudson dares suggest that a win over SCOTTY RIGGS qualifies as built momentum, but I guess LIGHTNING FOOT also took out the Disciple & Sonny Onoo/The Cat, so there you go. Shit, they had this guy on PAY PER VIEW in 1999? WCW really HAD given up! Darsow hits more 1980s WWF offense.
Darsow takes a small package, but hits a clothesline for two, and does a neck-crank then calls a ringside fan “A stinkin’ idiot!”. God I love this man. He misses a charge and takes a legsweep, then LIGHTNING FOOT hits a clothesline & a spinkick, but puts his head down and gets slugged and eats a backdrop suplex. Darsow with “The Barely Legal” (a hammerlock from behind), but lets go and gets a PUTTER, but LIGHTNING FOOT kicks it in half, jerseys him, and hits a Spin Kick for the win (4:23). And now he actually gets PROMO TIME, revealing why nobody ever gave it to him, as he has a gravelly yet high-pitched voice talking about how he’s “The toughest guy… in this business!” and calls out Meng, saying he just made some mistakes “but I LEARN from my mistakes”. Ooh boy, that was dreadful.
Okay, kicking a golf club in half and using some Canadian fighting tactics has gotta earn some high points for a jobber squash. Darsow actually controlled most of the match, as LIGHTNING FOOT just threaded some of his kicks into it, but it was fun enough.
Rating: *3/4 (perfectly acceptable undercard match)
LIGHTNING KID, JERRY LYNN & DR. WAGNER JUNIOR vs. SILVER KING, EL TEXANO & DOS CARAS:
(Federacion Universal de Lucha Libre, aka Univeral Pro, 19.01.1992)
* Here’s a random assortment of guys, with GWF’s Lightning Kid (Sean Waltman) & Jerry Lynn teaming with legend Dr. Wagner Jr. against Silver King (Wagner’s brother in real life), El Texano & Dos Caras. King & Texano were called “Los Cowboys” and were a big tag act during the 1990s after King lost his mask to El Hijo del Santo. He was a jobber in WCW, Black Tiger in New Japan (probably inventing the 619) and more- a better worker than often credited for. He famously died of an in-ring heart attack at 51. I dunno much about Texano, but he’s a decorated Trios guy, while Caras is a huge megastar in Mexico, mixing mat wrestling with lucha- he’s also Alberto Del Rio’s father. Kid is in unusual RED gear at this point (I only remember him in blue for his early WWF run), Lynn’s clean-shaven and in purple & pink, and Wagner’s actually stockier than his bro, wearing a white mask. Los Cowboys are in matching lime green tights, while Caras is in yellow & red.
Lynn & Texano do some quick matwork to start, and Kid eats a dropkick from Silver King but they switch around until he gets a crucifix, but takes a suplex and now it’s the masked guys going at it. They do funny lucha submissions and get into a slapfight while upside-down and Caras sticks his finger in Wagner’s belly-button, but hits a jumping attack. Texano spinkicks Kid but eats a big one in return, but hits a powerslam for two and dropkicks him out of the ring. Lynn wins a criss-cross with King and hits a German for one, but King hits a butterfly suplex for two. Los Cowboys double-team Lynn and a belly-to-belly gets two, then Caras takes over. You can tell it’s lucha because every time there’s a submission attempt, someone runs in to stop it- those are insta-falls in the stuff I’ve seen. Caras slingshots Wagner out and hits an impressive dive for a 40-something dude, and Team GWA double-teams Texano, but Lynn & Texano both miss flying moves & Lynn takes a bump outside.
Wagner hits an STF on King and powerbombs him out of a Rana for two. Kid eats some double-teams and a piledriver for two, then a slingshot senton & a suplex/flying elbow from Los Cowboys! Huh- both King & Texano are pretty spritely here- Mike Tenay wasn’t all talk with that stuff about King! Double-press slam stomachbuster and Caras adds a press slam of his own, but when he hits a chinlock Wagner tries to untie his mask, and then Caras unties HIS as we’re back to comedy. Caras hits a body-press out of the corner while Wagner tries to re-set his mask, then hits a pescado. Texano hiptosses King onto Lynn, but he leads them on a chase then eats a double-lariat. He dropkicks both when they try another, but they catch him on a pescado… and then the Kid flies in with a Tope Con Hilo onto that! Back in the ring, Wagner misses a slingshot splash, takes a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and Caras pins him with a Hurricanrana at (16:18).
Not a bad match, though it has that lucha oddness where it’s just guys pairing up to start, tags are never dramatic, and guys just keep the action flying along with little consistent selling or follow-through so the moves don’t feel as “big”. It’s non-stop action, at least, and they started hitting some good highspots (even the older Caras!), especially that dogpile Tope Con Hilo of the Kid’s. Los Cowboys were basically the Deceptively-Stocky Rockers with all their slick double-teaming, too- makes me wanna find more of their stuff.
Rating: ***1/4 (standard fast-paced decent lucha match. Didn’t feel remotely like 16 minutes and had some good highspots, though I’m not as into the lucha style with the whole “hit a big move, then leave the ring” stuff)
That’s all for now! Next up I’ll grab some Earthquake-themed stuff, and some more weirdo WAR wrestling from Japan!