Botchamania Reviews ECW — page 8

One Night Stand 2007 was last Sunday so in relevant news:

Rob Van Dam surprisingly beat Randy Orton in a stretcher match which would end up being RVD’s last match for WWE for several years. RVD sold a concussion as if he was drunk for most of the match so he could keep up with Orton’s pace. After dangerously flubbing a dive outside, RVD punched Orton a few times and rolled him across the finishing line.

We’re in (not named), One Night Stand: A Night of Extreme Rules is this Sunday and here’s Raw’s Randy Orton! Dramatic MV covers Orton concussing HBK with The Punt at Judgement Day. RVD claimed Orton lacked respect so Orton punted him too. I always like when feuds segue-way into other feuds. RVD decided to plant himself head-first on the RKO too because he’s Rob Points At Self Van Points At Self Dam Spin-Kick Pose To Crowd.

We’re in Des Moines, Iowa and we’re two weeks away from One Night Stand. Judgement Day was last Sunday and you’re already plugging the next one? I’m glad they eventually narrowed it down to only Extreme Rules after Wrestlemania. Speaking of which, in relevant matches from Judgement Day:

Another ECW on Sci-Fi, another dramatic recap of Lashley getting beat up by The McMahons and Umaga on Raw. This one turns into a Cannon Films production as Shane escapes by jumping on top of a limo as it drives away, only for Lashley to turn around and get struck down by Vince McNinja.

We start with Armando threatening Lashley and tells him if he lays a finger on him, he’s arrested. Lashley shoves his wheelchair into a wall and tells the police ”well, looks like you guys have to arrest me.”

At Backlash, Vince McMahon won the ECW Title in a handicap match from Bobby Lashley. I remember this annoying a lot of people, even in the yeah-I’m-a-smark-and-read-the-pre-taped-results-and-watch-the-show-anyway crowd were up in arms about the DISRESPECT TO ECW’S LEGACY so well done Vince.

Welp, I was wrong. Backlash is THIS Sunday so instead of Lashley/Vince we start with a recap of CM Punk ”accidentally” throwing a chair into the ring to help Rob Van Dam knacker Elijah Burke. Punk apologises to The New Breed individually before leaving Burke hanging. Punk comes back smiling, saying he’s just teasing. Burke scowls because he’s seen Transformers and hates Starscream.

We’re in London, England and the main event is announced straight away as ECW Originals vs. The New Breed in an elimination tag match.

ECW hails from Milan, Italy in front of a very loud crowd compared to previous weeks. Show starts with The New Breed in the ring and Elijah Burke (the only one who can talk) on the mic. Crowd boos and whistles the hell out of him so this is going to be a good show. Burke introduces the newest member of their group, CM Punk. Tazz thinks it was the best thing for ”this blue chipper”, Styles is pissed at a good guy like Punk joining a group that frequently cheat to win. Crowd is as conflicted as the commentators, with boos and CM Punk chants. Burke asks Punk why he joined:

Show begins with Hatted Vince looking like Marc Lawrence walking to the ring.

This is the episode after Wrestlemania 23 so let’s have a quick look at the relevant bits: ECW on Sci-Fi’s CM Punk was involved in the Money In The Bank opener but ended up being the guy Ken Kennedy bashed off a ladder to win the briefcase. Some stuff happened with Kennedy’s MITB, but he’s not in ECW so fuck him.

It’s the ECW on Sci-Fi before Wrestlemania! On Raw, Vince McMahon pinned the ECW Champion Lashley after interference from half the locker room so the two of them are having an EXTREEEME debate tonight.

Notice the happy, smiling Lashley in the ECW graphic, WWE’s way of telling us we need to cheer him. Worked for Diesel, Luger…

Dramatic recap of Bobby Lashley becoming the first person to break Chris Masters’ Masterlock, something that went unbroken for two years as Operation: Get Lashley The Fuck Over continues. Masters isn’t happy so he’s wrestling Lashley in a real match tonight, right here in Cleveland, Ohio.

Show starts with Edge talking to some women and Randy Orton attacking him with exposition. ”We were tag champs and we’re wrestling at Wrestlemania maaan!” Edge assures Randy he can trust him and Orton shrugs away. No explanation given for them being on ECW, even in 2007 WWE expected you to put away 56 hours a week to watching their product.

We’re in Tuscon, Arizona and we start with a recap of last week. Well last week in ECW as there wasn’t a review last Sunday because it was Christmas so unless you wanted a recap of Muppets Christmas Carol and Eton Mess I couldn’t help you. On Raw, Vince picked Umaga and Trump picked Lashley for The Battle Of The Billionaires. On ECW, Vince put Lashley in a cage match against Hardcore Holly which Lashley won and dove through the cage onto Umaga. On Smackdown, Vince tries to out-bid Trump but Bobby tells him ”NO!” and gets slapped by Vince. You can tell they’re going all-in on Lashley when he’s on three times a week.

Recap of Vince picking Umaga for the Battle of The Billionaires and Trump choosing Lashley. It made sense from a storyline perspective as Vince was messing with ECW, even though Vince’s issue was with the old guys from the original company. So I guess what I’m trying to say is Trump should have chosen The Sandman.

Tonight it’s OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE Lashley vs. Holly again. Lashley’s beaten him three consecutive times but he gets another title shot. Oh and it’s in a Steel Cage because adding Ranch to stale bread makes it edible.

Show sadly starts with a In Memory Of Mike Awesome. Awesome had a mullet and wasn’t a great talker but was able to live up to his surname every night by being The Heavyweight That Flew Like A Cruiserweight in FMW and ECW where not being the total package wasn’t an issue. Paul Heyman made sure Awesome wasn’t cutting soliloquies and made sure to was pair him with super-bumpers like Masato Tanaka and Spike Dudley so he looked like money (that ECW wasn’t paying him). The teased mega-feud between him, Rob Van Dam and Sabu in early 2000 sadly never happened after RVD got injured and ECW parted ways with Awesome and Sabu. Sadly neither WCW or WWF had Heyman’s ability to cover a wrestler’s weaknesses (something that still hurts WWE today) and Awesome took on humiliating gimmicks and became a Heat regular. Awesome was able to turn back the clock at One Night Stand 2005 and stole the show against preferred rival Tanaka in what would be his final match. To me and many others, it didn’t matter that Heyman presented him as an evil traitor or WCW decided he should be That Seventies Guy, he’ll always be remembered as Mike Fucking Awesome.

edit: well I don’t know what’s happened here but the GIFs and images aren’t showing. Bare with me.

edit 2: I’m using Chrome like I always do and I can’t see anything, ditto on Firefox. Apparently some can see this on other browsers, I’m not doing anything different than normal so I’ve no idea.

We’re in Seattle, Wa. (waaaaah?) and Lashley starts the show to a booming reaction. It’s Extreme Rules and he’s wrestling…Holly? Not Snitsky then, the guy who attacked him last week? Aye well OK then.

Sorry about no recap last week, went up to Glasgow for ICW’s biggest ever show and due to bad management I had no time to watch an episode of a C-show from nearly ten years ago. Er I mean ”in the spirit of the original ECW I decided to take the show off the air for a week due to the controversy of er…Sandman smoking indoors. Yeah that’ll work.”

When we last joined ECW, Test earned a title shot against Lashley by losing to Lashley.

We’re joined mid-Sandman entrance so you know it’s a serious episode. Oh never mind, it’s a Battle Royal because the Royal Rumble is this Sunday.