Anatomy Of A Disaster

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: ROB VAN DAM & BOOKER T vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ:
-Welcome back to another Anatomy of a Disaster! This one was inspired by me looking back at my HHH vs. Steiner column after Alex P wrote his own review of that match and linked to mine. I found an old comment that I remember, suggesting Booker T & Rob Van Dam vs. The Dudley Boyz from a 2004 RAW! For whatever reason, I never got around to doing it (despite them offering a link)- probably forgetting they’d linked it so I looked into the wind and was like “wait, which one?” after writing it down. This match isn’t really famous or infamous or anything, but Tommy Hall gave it a “D”. I’ve never found anything about the match’s backstory, but it’s been suggested that they were told to fill 20 minutes of TV time with short notice. I’ve never heard that story, but let’s check it out!

THE STAGE: WWE RAW (March 15th 2004)

THE PERFORMERS:
Rob Van Dam: RVD was by this point a failed HHH opponent and had moved back to the “IC Title Tier”, and the month before had won the RAW Tag Titles with Booker T. He was by this point a long-time star and actually hadn’t quite gotten his biggest push as Cena’s opponent (which would itself be kiboshed).

Booker T: Another failed HHH opponent who’d tumbled down the card and was now slumming it in a makeshift tag team.

The Dudley Boyz: Bubba Ray & D-Von had a weird run- Bubba had joined ECW as “Buh-Buy Ray”, a stuttering idiot, and D-Von had beaten some sense into them. This turned the Dudleyz from a comedy jobber stable into a serious team, as Buh-Buh lost the stutter and became a vicious heel, making the most of ECW’s lack of censorship. They’d become big ECW stars, then would redo the gimmick in the WWF, Vince McMahon reportedly loving the stutter (because of course he did), and the same thing kinda happened- they became a serious team, this time mostly as babyfaces doing crowd-pleasing spots with tables, but sometimes as vicious, woman-beating heels like in ECW. By this point, however, the bloom was off the rose- neither was ever a great talent on their own, but had some chemistry and were booked VERY well… but now they had been split up to be stars on separate shows, both failing pretty badly (Bubba had some energy as a Dusty Rhodes-like brawling midcarder, but was crushed by the HHH Vortex like all the others and de-pushed), so now this was a “well THAT didn’t work” going back to what had worked before, and everyone knew it. Like… fans are AWARE when someone fails and just falls back to their old gimmick in an attempt at recapturing that. It never works.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: CHRIS JERICHO vs. TOMOHIRO ISHII:
-The whole BOD was dumbfounded when Scott reviewed this one at ***1/2, as nearly everyone watching it live was like “WTF was this?” and I found the dichotomy interesting enough that I figured I’d dust off the ol’ “Disaster” column to properly make the fun!

Dave Meltzer rated this ****, and Scott Keith rated it ***1/2. In so doing, both men have committed the most egregious of crimes: They Have Enjoyed Wrestling Incorrectly. Such a grievous misdeed can only be corrected via a public shaming! I mean, Meltzer’s takes on AEW’s matches are kinda impossible to take seriously in the first place- a bunch of these dudes are no doubt longtime contacts, and that goes DOUBLE for Jericho, who is pretty much an open secret when it comes to him feeding Dave info for 25+ years. And AEW is like Dave’s ideals of wrestling made manifest- even when he critiques the booking he can’t help but fling snowflakes the way of random ice-cold TV matches! Though it’s kinda funny that Dave, a guy who infamously loves MOVEZ and will rate matches more highly based off of the sheer number of movez done, would also like a match where two dudes practically do none of them.

THE STAGE: AEW Dynamite (Nov. 27th 2024)

THE PERFORMERS:
CHRIS JERICHO:
* Jericho was once a beloved IWC figure- a hilarious wrestler in WCW with a history of big-effort Junior matches in Japan, then a popular WWF guy. Great talker, good matches, sometimes overrated, and one of the first guys to get an online presence going. Got a rep for constantly reinventing himself into something new so he never got truly stale. When AEW was founded, an aging Jericho was one of the first big hires and the inaugural Champion- as the biggest star in the company, he was a great “first guy” and actually did some good work as as “Aging Rock Star” asshole character, cheating to win and eventually being left lying by Jon Moxley to start a new era.

HOWEVER…

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: CODY RHODES vs. MJF:
-Here’s a request for a new Disaster column- the infamous “Cody with a sunset flip” blood feud match between Cody Rhodes & MJF! Actually it’s more infamous because of that damn tattoo. So how disastrous IS this match? Well I’ve never seen it before, but I’ll take a look and pick it apart in the nitpickiest way possible! Read on!

THE STAGE: AEW Revolution (Feb. 29th 2020)

THE PERFORMERS:
Cody Rhodes: Cody, trained by the “OVW Special” of Al Snow & Danny Davis (plus Randy Orton & Ricky Morton), had gone from a midcard WWE guy for several years into being a Bullet Club dude in New Japan, where online snarkers would dub him the “Three-Star Wonder”- a guy who could have a peak match of *** when everyone else in New Japan seemed to be a snowflake factory, with Meltzer and the people inspired by him to value what Meltzer likes giving ****-****** ratings to all the top bouts. Cody had been one of the most vocal “I’ve been misused” guys in WWE, which made him a fan favorite, then caused some snark due to the aforementioned mid-tier match output he was having, but he got a big push when he was one of the guys to form All Elite Wrestling. He was Chris Jericho’s first feud as AEW World Champion, sided by his corner-man…

MJF: Maxwell Jacob Friedman debuted in 2015 and essentially farted around the indies for four years, mostly in Combat Zone Wrestling and Major League Wrestling, both podunk indies out of the U.S. East Coast. He then got hired by AEW as one of their signature “build up a new guy” talents, quickly amassing wins and showing up as “Cody Rhodes’s Best Friend” in an angle so obvious it was like when Scotty Anton showed up as “RVD’s FRIEND” in ECW. Within a couple months it seemed like he had a big push out of nowhere as Cody’s corner-man.

So I had just started watching AEW at the point of this feud, as MJF had been in Cody’s corner in his feud against AEW World Champion Chris Jericho. At AEW Full Gear, Cody challenged Jericho with the stipulation that if he lost, he would never be able to challenge for the belt again. At the end of the bout, MJF threw in the towel for Cody, costing him the match. Some people suspected at that point this would set up a feud later down the line… but MJF just kicked Cody in the balls to seal the deal right there. MJF got a bodyguard minion in the huge (ie. undersized for 1980s WWF standards) Wardlow and Cody entered into a blood feud. This match was set up with three stipulations: 1) Cody could not touch MJF until the bout, 2) Cody would have to defeat Wardlow in a steel cage match, and 3) Cody would take ten lashes from MJF’s belt. A lot of this was to put Cody over further, as the frustration should have earned him sympathy from the fans, the Wardlow match featured a highlight-reel moonsault off the top of the GIGANTIC cage to make Cody look cool, and the belt lashings were legitimate and left real marks, thus putting over Cody as a badass. At least, this was all the IDEA. Cody had broken his toe the week before, losing the nail off it, too.

Along the way, Cody’s increasingly-weird mannerisms, his ghoulish Aryan look and his openly-WWE-style matches in the “American Indie/Japan-Knockoff” AEW universe stuck out like a sore thumb. And so people were kinda iffy about him, despite being set up as AEW’s #1 or 2 babyface. Hopefully he wouldn’t do anything ELSE super off-putting or we’d have some trouble!

From left to right: Murder Clown, Psycho Clown & Monster Clown. I hope I didn’t get them mixed up during the recap (I actually had two names switched and had to edit!).

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: LOS VILLANOS vs. LOS PSYCHO CIRCUS:
-By request, it’s an Anatomy of a Disaster on a Lucha Trios match that Dave Meltzer gave -***** to! The worst rating you can possibly get (since he hasn’t gone six or seven stars in the other direction quite yet). And it’s on a show rated the “Worst Major Wrestling Show of 2015”, too. So either a whole bunch of people saw this, or they just heard about it and dogpiled the votes in, I dunno.

This match can be readily found on YouTube- I found a version from the actual show with Spanish commentary, and a fancam version (both of which show the business being exposed in many beautiful ways!).

THE STAGE: AAA TripleMania XXIII (Aug. 9th 2015)

THE PERFORMERS:
LOS VILLANOS:
* Los Villanos (aka “The Villains”) are a somewhat legendary family of wrestlers in lucha, with five of the sons of Ray Mendoza becoming known as Villanos I through V. Villano I, IV & V once defeated Los Brazos in a trios match inj 1988 to unmask them. Villano IV & V are most well-known to fans north of Mexico for their run in WCW as jobbers. They were capable, but like El Dandy, didn’t have a good look and were best-used as guys who could wrestle lucha style but also do regular jobs, meaning they were handy in putting over the other lucha dudes actually getting some focus (as they could take the offense and Rey/Psychosis wouldn’t have to dumb it down).

VILLANO III: The late Arturo Díaz Mendoza is considered the most successful member of the family in terms of championships and accolades. Notably, he died only three years after this, at 66 years of age. Meaning he’s hella-old here. This, uh… kind of makes it clear what part of the issue with this match is. He’s the thin Villano.

VILLANO IV: A jobber in WCW, he sometimes wrestled unmasked as “Ray Mendoza Jr.” (in honor of their father). In 2022, he lost a somewhat notable match to Pentagon Jr. (AEW’s Penta el Zero Miedo), losing his mask. He’d be about 50 years old for this one.

VILLANO V: Actually the second youngest Mendoza boy, but he finished training last, so is Villano V. Notably got a bad neck injury in WCW taking a Ligerbomb/Neckbreaker from Kanyon & Raven, and missing several months. He’s actually a pretty big star, unmasking Blue Panther (a 30-year veteran) in 2008. He himself lost his mask to Ultimo Guerrero the next year, becoming “Ray Mendoza Jr.” (like his brother was in WCW) for most of his matches. He’s about 55 here.

https://archive.org/details/2000-12-23-shinya-hashimoto-vs.-takao-omori

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER- SHINYA HASHIMOTO vs. TAKAO OMORI:
-It’s time for another Anatomy of a Disaster! This one comes by a request I got months ago, and I finally took a look at it. This match is a bit unlike the others, and one I was hesitant on, as I have no idea who the hell one of the competitors is, so all I can go on is what I’ve read about!

How much of a “Disaster” it is becomes a bit tricky, as the alleged fallout is bigger than the actual match itself, but you run into the usual problem with puro stuff- there’s just not much official information out there. Japan has very little history with “Shoot Interviews”, nor is there much of a culture of “talking shit about your former boss/coworkers”- even people who dislike each other are often vague in public, because it’s seen as EXTREMELY rude to do that. Which, if you know anything about Japanese culture, is unsurprising. I’ve done a lot of studying on it, because I’m a huge fucking weebI just really find foreign cultures interesting, and it’s just super-unlikely to find anyone giving major dirt.

I mean, the Japanese language ITSELF is evasive and indirect as a rule, such is the value put on cohabitation and not shaking the boat. Bilingual people have been told they come off as “more assertive” just by speaking English! Never mind that any of the official words on this situation would be in Japanese, which is a VERY hard language to translate, even if you knew how- which I don’t- said evasiveness often means you have to look for the meaning BEHIND the meaning- like how chotto means “a bit”, but ACTUALLY means “not really/no”, so if a hotel worker is telling you “chotto” when you ask if they have room, he’s actually telling you “no”, but he wouldn’t do that because it’s seen as a bit too rude and direct. Or when wrestlers fuck up a move and the commentator goes “chotto”- he meant the move hit “a bit”, but in context it means “He didn’t quite get ALL of it, Brain…”.

So you’re never gonna see a Takao Omori shoot where he goes “Misawa was an asshole! Hashimoto was an unprofessional prick!”, even if he thought those things were true. Even the “shoot” stuff involving Japan stuff that I HAVE seen and read about shows people being evasive not only about what happened, but who the assailants were. You’ll get a BIT of it, often only with decades of time removed and people admitting they should have handled it better and going “I regret that now”, but there’s few equivalents of the West’s “two hour ROH shoot interview of a guy burying everyone he hates”. Therefore, all you REALLY have to go on is guesswork and the actual facts.

But on to the match! Then I’ll look into the aftermath!

Blows to the back of the head, called “Rabbit Punches”, are illegal in boxing, UFC, most MMA, etc., because of the potential for permanent damage. They’re considered dirty tactics and will result in reprimands, points deductions and bans. Except to see a lot of them in this tournament. 

THE WWF BRAWL FOR ALL TOURNAMENT:
(June 29th through August 24th, 1998)
* Oh yes, it’s time. The WWF was at its most popular ever during this point, yet also has some of the worst ideas in wrestling history thrown in, just to keep things interesting. And none may be more stupid than using a real-life combat tournament to push the next big World Title contender, expecting new hire “Dr. Death” Steve Williams to run the field and then be a challenge for WWF Champion “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. This has been talked about for more than a quarter-century by this point, standing out even among all the other stupid stuff the WWF did at this point. And I figured I’d actually go through it match by match and detail what’s going on, compare guys’ abilities, and point out the NUMEROUS flaws with just such a concept.

My Martial Arts Observation Experience: Well, uh… I haven’t exactly trained in martial arts or anything, but I was on the wrestling team in high school! And I’ve watched a LOT of W.M.A.C. Masters!

Explanations abound for what the real plan here was. Vince Russo takes credit for the idea, and various people back that up. It’s accepted by many that it was to allow Williams to build instant credibility (via his vaunted real-life toughness) and let him challenge Austin. Jim Ross, a close friend of Williams, was definitely the type to be supportive of that, and there are lots of wrestlers to back this up. Bob Holly says Steve was already given $100,000 in prize money before it even started. Vince Russo, in a Dark Side of the Ring interview, states that he came up with the tournament to humiliate John “Bradshaw” Layfield, whom he saw as a braggart who talked about how tough he was without having anything to back it up. This is obvious bullshit, of course- just Russo trying to bask in some “Bradshaw is a bad person in real life” heat. Bradshaw does, however, say he came to Russo with the idea for a “Hardcore wrestling” division and that this was the impetus for the tournament.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: SCOTT STEINER vs. STEVIE RAY:
-It’s time for another Anatomy of a Disaster! This one is a special request from our very own Oprah (who goes by variants of that name in the threads most of the time)- a Title vs. Career Nitro bout between newly-crowned WCW World Champion Scott Steiner, and Stevie Ray, late of Harlem Heat!

THE STAGE: WCW Monday Nitro (Nov. 27th 2000)

THE PERFORMERS:
Scott Steiner: I’ve gone over Scottie’s career in this column before, but at this point, he had finally been made a standard Main Eventer in WCW, at last being elevated to that position after years of stop & start pushes, and him puttering around the midcard since his heel turn when he first joined the nWo. Scott had finally gained the charisma of a top guy, mixing his psychotic personality with some entertaining mannerisms and a proper ego… but in the process had done so many steroids that he’d lost so many steps in the ring that he no longer resembled the same man who had blown minds in the early 1990s in any way, shape or form. At this point, he was bloated, veiny and gross (denying steroid abuse with “they’re all just jealous!”), and had slowed down into a basic brawler.

Stevie Ray: Stevie’s career has largely been summed up as “the Marty Jannetty of Harlem Heat”, having been a major player in the “nWo B-Team”- like Scottie, he’d turned on his brother and joined the nWo, but as he was a poor worker and medium talent otherwise, he hadn’t gotten a push and was instead just a tough-talking midcarder who hit people with a slapjack, heading up the “Black & White” sub-faction after all the cool guys had joined the Wolfpac and Hogan’s followers kept the old colors, then a team (which was called the “B-Team” ON CAMERA) of subordinates like Vincent, Brian Adams, etc. By this point he’d been doing commentary already (with lines such as “Suckas gotsta know” and talking over promos), and he was only wrestling a couple of times a month. In fact, this was his first match in two months, according to Cagematch (his last was another bout against Steiner in September).

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: THE UNDERTAKER vs. THE UNDERTAKER:
-It’s time for another Anatomy of a Disaster! The infamous battle of the Undertakers, where they have one of the worst matches in WWF history… and at SUMMERSLAM of all things!

THE STAGE: WWF SummerSlam 1994

THE PERFORMERS:
The Undertaker: The Undertaker had been a big deal since his debut in the WWF (introduced by Ted DiBiase, who then immediatley stepped aside, as Taker was managed first by Brother Love, and then Paul Bearer), becoming World Champion within a year (for a week), and had been pushed strongly ever since. However, in early 1994, he was defeated by Yokozuna at the Royal Rumble in a Casket Match when a dozen other heels attacked him, and then “lightning” struck the casket, Taker appeared on the viewscreen shot from above while lying in the casket, then floated above the screen and into the heavens or something. This was done to give Taker some time off. Various “interviews” were filmed of people across the United States swearing they’d seen the Undertaker popping up here and there, almost like a cryptid, leading to a big mystery as to where he was. And then…

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: HEAD CHEESE vs. T & A:
-It’s time for another Anatomy of a Disaster! And those one stems from a WRESTLEMANIA of all things! WrestleMania 2000 was during a huge hot streak for the company, as they had peaked during the Attitude Era and ran successfully pretty well until the drop-off following next year’s show. But this match was one that earned a lot of hate on that card (which also wasn’t that beloved, featuring a disappointing main event that saw Triple-H as the first ever heel victor at WrestleMania, defeating The Rock, Mick Foley and the Big Show in a “McMahon in Every Corner” match that kind of showed how bad the McMahon thing had gotten. While this match was low on the card, it does have the distinctive of getting Jim Ross’s patented “bowling shoe tendencies” insider remark of how shitty the match is.

THE STAGE: WWF WrestleMania 2000 (April 2nd, 2000)

THE PERFORMERS:
Al Snow: Al Snow had been one of those weird indie guys who farted around for years on small shows, swiping moves from Japan and being highly capable in the ring, bouncing around for other dudes and making people look good. This went well enough that he got a WWF job in the mid ’90s during one of their worst eras, ending up as ’70s-obsessed dweeb Leif Cassidy as part of the “New Rockers”, a dead on arrival gimmick that was super bush-league. He was popular enough with the boys (translation: funny; good bumper) and so got sent to ECW for a repackaging, and they hit on a wild gimmick that actually got him over- joking “you’ve got to give a little head to get ahead in the wrestling business” and carrying around an actual mannequin’s head that fans would mimic in a headbanging motion with heads of their own. And joking about his jobber role in wrestling, he formed the J.O.B. Squad. HAW HAW, right? I mean it was fine for a midcard deal.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: DIESEL vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG:
-It’s time for another Anatomy of a Disaster! Like a couple of other examples in this column, rather than a shitty TV match or some embarrassing house show botchfest or something involving completely unready performers… this is a Pay-Per-View MAIN EVENT. Featuring the World Champion and an experienced, capable worker as his opponent! This is the infamous In Your House match between Diesel and the British Bulldog that allegedly was the beginning of the end of Diesel’s WWF Title run, leaving Vince McMahon himself furious on commentary.

THE STAGE: WWF In Your House 4 (Oct. 22nd 1995)

THE PERFORMERS:
Diesel: Kevin Nash, a monstrous “7 footer” (okay 6’10” is CLOSE), was in his mid-30s and was only five years into his wrestling career at this point, having struggled in the disaster that was early ’90s WCW with gimmicks like “The Great & Terrible Oz” and Vinnie Vegas. He admits he was a little green back then, but the first gimmick in particular was horrendous. He went to the WWF as “Diesel”, quickly befriending Shawn Michaels and becoming his bodyguard, and he got increasingly over thanks to things like his famous run through a bunch of geeks at the Royal Rumble, culminating in him becoming the WWF Champion in a shocker victory over recently-crowned Bob Backlund at the end of 1994, just after turning on Shawn.

What we got next was “The New Generation” era, as the snarling bad-ass Diesel that got over was quickly shifted to this dorky smiling guy who got shown up by Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania and had a bunch of terrible matches with Psycho Sid and King Mabel, doing general dogshit feuds during a particularly rough period for the WWF. That Nash himself wasn’t that great a worker (with an infamously small moveset and a body that was a bit too big to be really athletic) didn’t help, but more or less the reign was infamously horrible and didn’t take advantage of most of the good things about Nash. So by the end of 1995, things were kind of falling apart, and the WWF was resorting to packing the B-Show PPV “In Your House” shows (which were half the price of regular PPVs and only two hours long) with main events against guys like British Bulldog, who were 100% never going to win the World Title and everyone knew it.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: THE GREAT SASUKE vs. THE DIRT BIKE KID:
-It’s time for another Anatomy of a Disaster! These typically take a longer time to write, so when I fell behind for a bit and I didn’t know what to do next, I took a bit of a break. I wanted to talk about this oddball match, but it’s less “Disaster because it sucks” and more “it turns into a weird shoot” and also involves wrestlers from two different countries so learning the inner workings of what went down is harder to figure out.

THE STAGE: Michinoku Pro- Masked World League (7/29/1999)

THE PERFORMERS:
The Great Sasuke: A Japanese high-flying legend, who at this point had made his bones in a ton of great matches in Michinoku Pro and elsewhere, hitting the finals of the legendary Super J-Cup 1995 tournament (losing to Chris Benoit in the finals, after beating Jushin Liger himself in the semi-finals). He was a high-flier with an infamous disregard for his personal safety, hitting the Space Flying Tiger Drop (a cartwheel backflip ending with him sailing over the ropes to the floor). There were a lot of fliers back then, but nobody went further or had prettier flips and dives than Sasuke did. He was the top star of Michinoku Pro, which ran in Northern Japan.

The Dirt Bike Kid: The Dirt Bike Kid was Jason Harrison, a young British kid who debuted in 1994 and never moved further than the indies in the U.S. & Europe. He started out in England, but quickly went to the National Wrestling Conference (wrestling in Las Vegas), assorted NWA affiliates, and more. Sometimes wrestling as the Shark Attack Kid (actually apparently not, because Cagematch is a BUNDLE OF LIES), he peaked in ECW in 1996-98 (parlaying a match with Sabu into more appearances, though it seems like he mostly wrestled every few months or so), though I’ve never even heard of him until reading about this match a year ago. There’s also some 1998 matches in England & Germany, so he moved over to there as well… actually running his own promotion, the European Wrestling Association (which explains why he’s in a main event with Sabu there, and held the EWA Junior Heavyweight Title, which was traded to Whipwreck & Sabu). His whole gimmick is that he wears… well, a dirt-biking uniform in the ring. A full suit covering every bit of his body. He’s in such podunk Indies that his Cagematch profile only has him in a few matches per year- he probably wrestlers a lot more than that, but it’s just not recorded (and this is before supermarks would document their entire careers online and fill it out every night).

I mean I’ve seen stronger tans, but come on.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: HULK HOGAN vs. STING AT STARRCADE:
-I’ve reviewed a lot of shitty matches for this column, but not a lot where you could make a strong case that they doomed the very company they were supposed to raise to the stratosphere. But here I’m gonna finally take a look at the much-requested main event of Starrcade 1997, and watch WCW step on its own dick in spectacular fashion.

THE STAGE: WCW Starrcade (Dec. 28th 1997)

THE PERFORMERS:
Hulk Hogan: The biggest star in history at the time, having undergone a revolutionary heel turn as the leader of the nWo- a bad-ass “Cool Heel” stable who sold tons of merchandise and drew fan acclaim despite being dirty cheaters. Hogan, at least, depicted himself as a cowardly, whiny heel, but still cut self-indulgent 20 minute promos about how he was a “Wrestling GOD!” with the whole nWo surrounding him. But he at least cowered and sniveled against deadly opponents, always treating Sting like he was an epic adversary he was afraid to fight. Hogan at this point had a complete stranglehold on the WCW Heavyweight Title, holding it for more than 500 days (with a 5-day Lex Luger reign in the middle).

Sting: WCW’s attempt at their own “Hulk Hogan” in the late 1980s and early 1990s, Sting was still a huge star, even after being a “Hogan Buddy” when the Hulkster himself came to WCW. But after Hogan’s heel turn, WCW’s guys began to doubt if Sting was on their side- hurt by the mistrust, Sting retreated into the rafters, dressing like Eric Draven in The Crow (then only a 3-year old movie, though the comic was older) and became a mute bad-ass. This made him as over as he’d ever been, as he’d silently stalk to the ring (or descend from the rafters on a harness) and murder a dude, then walk away.

I mean… it LOOKS cool! Maybe it won’t be so bad!

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: THE DOOMSDAY CAGE!:
-hahaha yes, IT’S TIME! Reading about this in WCW Magazine way back in 1996, I was like “Wow, THREE CAGES!? Fighting off eight dudes in separate cages, fighting your way to the bottom? This sounds AWESOME!”. And I learn years later that this was an infamous disaster and is sometimes credited with the end of Babyface Hogan in WCW. And also that Jeep Swenson was called “The Final Solution” until someone wised up in the company. Overall, it stands as Peak Hogan Paranoia regarding his inability to ever look weak.

THE STAGE: WCW Uncensored (March 24th, 1996)

THE PERFORMERS:
Hulk Hogan & “Macho Man” Randy Savage: Two of the biggest stars in wrestling history, having the phenomenal “Mega Powers” feud around WrestleMania V but mostly spent years apart in angles. But when Hogan went to WCW and had the entire company revolve around him, he brought in Savage (who was being put out to pasture by the WWF), who became his best buddy and opposition against Hogan’s rivals. Both guys are around 43, which was treated by the WWF at the time as them being completely ancient, despite being only a little older than me.

*deep breath*

Ric Flair: Turned heel again and quickly jobbed the WCW Title to Hogan, then led the opposition against him as the top heel. But got his ass kicked A LOT.
Arn Anderson: Flair’s best buddy IRL and in wrestling, used as his #2 guy. Career upper-midcarder.
Lex Luger: One of WCW’s biggest homegrown stars, but in a questionable position as he’d been a “New Hogan”-type dude who bounced from heel to face constantly, and now the real Hogan was here. Got hired on as a big coup by Eric Bischoff. Now a heel.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: STEVE REGAL vs. BILL GOLDBERG:
-This is one of the more infamously strange matches in wrestling- one where the guys look like they’re not on the same page, with one claiming the other was shooting on him. Both guys have different stories, and the match ends up a fascinating display of two dudes having two different matches. While it’s not exactly super-famous in that it’s just a Nitro match early in Goldberg’s run, it’s been talked about ever since, with both guys weighing in (Regal expecting a typical “carry job” match and being annoyed at the backlash he got, while Goldberg accuses Regal of taking liberties and stiffing him when he was a rookie).

THE STAGE: WCW Monday Nitro (Feb. 9th 1998)

THE PERFORMERS:
Steve Regal: Regal was a guy who coming up did shoot-ish stuff in carnivals in England and ended up in WCW, using his particular European style and toughman tactics while playing a fussy English nobleman. With some of the best facial reactions in the business and some quality technical stuff, he was a highly entertaining act, despite usually only getting 5-8 minute matches on Nitro and never moving above the TV Title level, and with a style so unique that it clashed with nearly everyone else’s. At this point he was already a 12-year veteran. However, he was also a giant mess behind the scenes, with an admitted drug issue resulting in a 7-week suspension. He’d just briefly returned from it before getting this match.

Bill Goldberg: Goldberg was on the run of a lifetime in WCW, debuting beating jobbers but getting enough momentum that after quickly shuffling away from a Steve McMichael feud (where Goldberg was KO’d by a haliburton briefcase at one point, which was one of the last time he’d look so weak), he was terrorizing guys weekly on all the TV shows. Unlike most “up & comer” wrestlers, he wasn’t treated like a rookie who just happened to be good- he was a monster who would often no-sell opponents, rip them in half with the Spear, and finish with the Jackhammer (a vertical suplex lift into a powerslam). He had incredible physical presence, and became a memetic badass to the point he was getting some of the best reactions in wrestling. This would lead him to the US and World Titles in short order. But for now, 231 days into his run, he was still belt-less and moving up the card.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: HULK HOGAN vs. THE WARRIOR (Halloween Havoc 1998):
-This is considered one of the biggest wrestling disasters of all time- there are plenty of worse matches with more botches, but not a lot of them happen on Pay-Per-View from one of the top companies in the world, with two of the biggest stars in history. That the whole thing seems to stem from Hogan’s obsession with “getting his win back” from the Ultimate Warrior just makes it all the sadder and dumber. There are roughly eight billion YouTube commentaries about this, but I chose not to watch any because jesus, how do you pick?

THE STAGE: WCW Halloween Havoc 1998

THE PERFORMERS:
“Hollywood” Hulk Hogan: Maybe the biggest star in history at this point, Hogan went from a successful heel challenger role to being the WWF-style “Superhero Babyface Champion” and helped lead the company to being the biggest promotion in the world in the 1980s. The 1990s saw diminishing returns, and a failed replacement in the Ultimate Warrior, and when Hogan won the title back repeatedly things got even worse. Finally, Hogan left for WCW, propping up Ted Turner’s flailing company while turning off longtime fans by changing it into “1980s WWF 2.0”. But wonder of wonders- they were eventually SUCCESSFUL! Because the New World Order angle debuted and Hogan wisely attached himself to it, acting as their delusional, egomaniac heel coward Champion while cutting 20-minute promos about how he is “A wrestling GOD!”. With unprecedented amounts of booking power and the head booker/President as his close personal friend, he dominated for a while, but fortunately did the job to superstar Goldberg. Still retaining his Main Event slot, he was given many prominent feuds while not holding the belt, and still had a lot of name value, though this was diminishing as he aged and his act got tired.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: SHELLY MARTINEZ vs. REBEL:
-This is another request, and a pretty easy one to do given how it’s not that long and is completely infamous. A famous disaster from TNA pretty much known for the screams of “MY VAG!” from Martinez. I didn’t watch TNA at this point and I have absolutely never heard of Martinez in my life (… oh wait! She was Ariel! I saw her once!), and am only familiar with Rebel from AEW, so I’m going in pretty blind.

I heard that TNA had a pretty solid women’s wrestling division for a while, though most of what I saw was that “well when you compare it to Sable & Torrie Wilson it looks good” stuff that saw fans treat a lot of **-*** Trish Stratus matches like they were otherworldly, and why a lot of people overrate SHIMMER to a huge level as well. Fans are historically a lot more forgiving towards women’s wrestling when they shouldn’t be- like I’ve said before, plenty of women are among the greatest workers of all time, so they don’t need the “handicap”. But like… there’s some stuff that establishes WHY people were suddenly so impressed that women could have competent matches. Like this.

THE STAGE: Total Nonstop Action- One Night Only: Knockouts Knockdown (April 4th, 2016). A show devoted exclusively to matches featuring women.

THE PERFORMERS:
Shelly Martinez: Martinez debuted in 2000 in the indies, and got a WWE contract in 2005, working in OVW. She had a “threesome relationship” gimmick with Beth Phoenix and the dude they managed, and was later Paul Burchill’s “buxom wench” manager when he was doing a pirate thing. She left TV and then rebranded in ECW as Ariel, the vampiress valet for Kevin Thorn, a failed act himself- there, she feuded with Kelly Kelly having what I’m sure were barn-burners. After about a year, she was let go (she blames Batista, who didn’t like that she was friends with Melina, his off-and-on girlfriend, but cops to telling off huge stars via “standing up for myself”) and like every failed WWE star, joined TNA.

She was there for about a year, feuding with Christy Hemme and a few others, but seems mostly to be a JTTS. She quit to film a movie, having become a softcore porn & horror actress as well as a wrestler. Her career after that is summed up in just a few sentences on Wikipedia- in 2016, she joins TNA for this one-off, using her real name.

Debra’s even gesturing at it!

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: ALEX WRIGHT vs. PAUL ROMA:
-By popular request, another infamous disaster! This one more because of one disagreeable cuss who decided not to play ball. This one isn’t really THAT famous, as neither guy is much of a name in history- one is more notable for being “The shittiest Horseman” and the other for his elephantine dong (I guess there’s worse things to be known for), so you can imagine how high their starpower was. But given that this happened on Pay-Per-View during the time Hogan came to WCW, and led directly to Paul Roma getting fired, it’s still fairly notable. I mean, guys have refused to sell for their opponents before, but on a scale this large?

THE STAGE: WCW Superbrawl V (Feb. 19th 1995)

THE PERFORMERS:
Paul Roma: Roma was a reliable “good hand” kind of wrestler in the WWF for ages, acting as a jobber, then forming the Young Stallions as the weakest tag team on the babyface side of the roster (the Bolsheviks were on the other), typically acting as a “safe” job to the Islanders, Demolition or Brain Busters while technically giving the fans a real featured match between stars. The Stallions soon dissolved, leading to both Roma and partner Jim Powers becoming jobbers, albeit the most “elite” kind that usually got some shine. Roma was ripped, good-looking and athletic, and showed off a lot in his squashes, and eventually got re-pushed as part of Power & Glory. They seemed to be going places, but then fate intervened and the Nasty Boys got the World Title heel run instead, P&G becoming JTTS guys, frequently being split up to again do “safe” jobs on TV.

KroniK were actually over and popular during the last year of WCW’s existence! “Giant No-Selling Monster Team” always works. Then they went to the WWF.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: KRONIK vs. THE UNDERTAKER & KANE:
* Welcome back to more disastrous matches and the fallouts from them! Where I watch bad matches, try to assign blame, and try to figure out what went wrong and how it could have been mitigated! This week, I take a look at one of the most infamously bad WWF matches ever, as the Brothers of Destruction take on KroniK in a match so awful, it got the hottest team in 2000-era WCW fired instantly! I mean, there’s been ass matches before, but one that nuked the careers of two men at once? Read on!

THE STAGE: WWF Unforgiven 2001 (Sept. 2001)

THE PERFORMERS:
The Undertaker: The most respected man in the WWF locker room, and the one with the most backstage “say” (as Triple H was out injured at this time)- his word went a long way. At this point, he was arguably at his worst as a performer- his mystical character was a thing of the past and he was now just a grizzled, tattooed biker coming down to Limp Bizkit (back when that was cool and not completely embarrassing). His matches were becoming truly awful, full of not selling anything and Taker himself noticeably slowing down.

Kane: Glen Jacobs, after a career playing midcard terrible gimmicks (Isaac Yankem & Fake Diesel) had hit big with this character in 1997 and never looked back. He was an occasional main eventer, off-and-on feuding with Taker, and even had a short run with the WWF World Title or two. By this point, he was largely in the position of “The guy who loses to The Guy”, being used as a temporary heater challenger at best, as his World Title runs were gone. He was a “good worker” in the way wrestlers say guys are good workers- big, safe, dependable and his moves were over. Internet-posting wrestling fans… well, we weren’t a fan of his slow-paced matches made up of 3-4 moves. By this point he was a big subordinate to his storyline brother, just being the second half of “The Undertaker and—“.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: SID VICIOUS vs. THE NIGHTSTALKER:
-One of the early infamous “worst matches of all time” was a business-exposing nightmare featuring rookie Sid Vicious & Bryan Clark on a Clash of the Champions show in 1990. I reviewed this ages ago for “Dream Matches” but I needed an easier one after the HHH/Steiner mess (thanks for the great response it got, though!).

Two “Body Guys”, neither Sid nor Clark went through the all-important “Jobber Phase” of a young rookie’s life, and were immediately put against each other when Clark was still a brand new guy, ten days into his WCW run. The result… stuff like “Sid slowly runs into a big hug from the Nightstalker”. It’s a 3-year vet having to lead a 1-year giant through a match. But hey- it’s only scheduled to go under three and a half minutes. How bad could it be REALLY?

THE STAGE: WCW Clash of the Champions (Nov. 20th 1990)

THE PERFORMERS:
Sid Vicious: Sid Eudy was a monster of a man who had debuted in 1987, but could still work only a little as of 1990. He was a member of the Skyscrapers, but showed so much innate charisma that crowds would chat “We Want Sid!” and get excited for the two moves he knew how to do really well- the chokeslam and the powerbomb. By this point, he was one of the Four Horsemen, and WCW started booking him in a lot of of Big vs. Big matches. And he’s all of three years into the business, having spent most of it as a tag team wrestler, and is expected to carry a match against an immobile green giant rookie.

The Nightstalker: Bryan Clark was green as absolute grass at this point, having debuted only the year prior, feuding with The Trooper (The Patriot) in AWA in its dying days. With his 6’6″ height and HUGE muscles (he was even bigger here than he was as Adam Bomb, with babyfat on his face and not as much definition as he’d get later on), he was obviously seen as money from day one, and was too big to just be used as some regular job guy, so he skipped a lot of important training in jobber matches and was simply pushed in his first couple years. With AWA dying, he joined WCW, and for some reason, ten days after his debut, he was thrown into this match against a guy just as big as he was.

Yes, a portion of this feud involved the two of them oiling themselves up and flexing dramatically at one another. This is what happens when you let bodybuilders book your shit.

ANATOMY OF A DISASTER: TRIPLE H vs. SCOTT STEINER:
-It’s time! Maybe the most infamous disastrous match of all time, the horrendous, endless HHH/Steiner Rumble match! This one is largely famous for Steiner using the exact same overhead suplex again and again during the course of the bout, to the point where the fans turned on it big-time, and it’s gone into history as one of the worst matches of all time. The huge stage (with months of build) makes it even worse.

Now, I’ve heard rumors Hunter deliberately sandbagged the match and went out of his way to make Scott look bad. Kevin Kelly has made that accusation in a shoot. Someone added that Lance Storm said “Any of the boys could see that”. However, I can’t find any support for that from Scott himself- only that Scott derides Hunter bringing in everyone from WCW and beating them to sate his own ego. There ARE comments Scottie said about Ric Flair doing that in their match in the early ’90s, which Lance has supported, so I’m wondering if people are equating one with the other. The rumors about this continue, though, with even Jim Ross having to comment on them.

I started doing this trying to find if I could see evidence of HHH sandbagging it, and also to detect exactly what’s wrong with the match (I mean, aside from the obvious stuff). The tricky thing here is that Hunter probably has the single worst instincts of any wrestler at his level ever- this is a man who tried to get the motherfucking INDIAN DEATHLOCK over as a big move in the year of our Lord 2003. How the hell am I supposed to tell when he’s sucking ON PURPOSE? Also, never mind that Steiner had “drop foot syndrome” (a nerve disorder that prevents you from lifting your foot off the ground when you try walking- note that for later) making him almost immobile, to the point where having a good match would test even the best workers. Of which HHH was not.

But I may be biased- this era of wrestling was so bad that if HHH saved a boatload of puppies from certain death, I’d still be like “Yeah, but that 2002-04, dude”.

THE STAGE: WWE Royal Rumble (Jan. 2003)