The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 05.31.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 05.31.86

Taped from Greenwood, SC on 05.27.86

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

BREAKING NEWS! Dusty Rhodes has added another belt to his collection, as he and the Road Warriors beat the Russians to win the World Six-Man titles in a cage match and then held onto them FOREVER. Not to mention him feuding with the Midnight Express for the tag team titles and Ric Flair for the World title and Jim Cornette for Most Humble.

Meanwhile, at the Omni, Ric Flair is defending against Ricky Morton, but Ricky gets too close to winning for Flair’s liking, so the Horsemen run in and break his nose to teach him a lesson about not doing that.

Shaska Whatley, The Barbarian & Teijho Khan v. The Italian Stallion, Rocky Kernodle & Gene Ligon

Did they seriously team up a guy named “Rocky” with another guy named “The Italian Stallion” and no one even cracked a joke about it? Stallion tries a crossbody on Barbarian and gets caught and slammed, but he misses an elbow. Over to Shaska, who beats on all three geeks by himself and headbutts the Stallion down. Over to Tea Joe, and he uses his dizzying array of bodyslams. That brings in Kernodle and Barbarian just kicks the shit out of him and drops him on the top rope. Ligon tries his luck and Barbarian kicks him in the face, and then Shaska comes in to clean up with a headbutt, assisted by the Baron and his black glove from the floor, and that ends it at 3:45.

The Rock N Roll Express joins us and poor Ricky is just having the WORST year, as now he’s got his pretty face all taped up from Ric Flair dropping a knee on his nose and breaking it. But he’s still more man than Ric Flair! Man that kind of talk is gonna earn him another broken body part when Flair hears.

Meanwhile, Ric Flair does a promo from the dressing room, and he pretty much admits that yeah, he tried to end Morton’s career because he’s a punk kid who wants the World title and doesn’t deserve a shot because he’s too pretty. BUT NOW HE’S NOT SO PRETTY. Sure, the scars on his face from the last attack might heal, but now he’s got a broken nose and he’s UGLY now. So maybe stop messing with Ric Flair, he’s saying. Some refereshing transparency from the Man here.

The Russians v. George South & Mike Simiani

The godless commie bastards double-team South and put him down with a double elbow, and it’s over to Simiani, who gets hurled out of the corner by Nikita and dropped on the top rope. Uncle Ivan tosses him to the floor and necks him on the way into the ring before dropping a knee on him. Nephew Nikita clubs him down and then just pulverizes him with the Sickle and pins him at 3:20.

Meanwhile, Tony and David run down the GREAT AMERICAN BASH 86 and all the great country music stars and fireworks and wrestling you’re gonna see! You think Freedom 250 could pull this shit off? No way, man, they should have let Dusty Rhodes book it. Actually I guess he’s dead so that wouldn’t work. Well, Jim Crockett Jr then. No, he’s dead too. Never mind then, my plan is falling apart. Anyway, Bob Geigel announces that the Bash tour will kick off in Philly with Ric Flair defending against Road Warrior Hawk, leading to Flair defending the title a total of 14 times over the course of the Bash.

Jimmy Valiant & Manny Fernandez v. Vern Deaton & Ron Rossi

Yes it’s the COCAINE COWBOYS, teaming up for the first time on TV after a little pick me up in the dressing room. And Manny quickly finishes Deaton with a flying splash at 1:00, full of energy for some reason.

Jim Cornette joins us, and introduces us to his new bodyguard, BIG BUBBA ROGERS, who has been hired by Mama Cornette to protect Jim from the James Boys.

Rocky King v. Mr. Electricity Steve Regal

You have to always say his full name. Regal dodges a blind charge and finishes with a legsweep at 0:30, even though the opening camera shot made it seem like King was going to be the featured star here.

Dusty Rhodes joins us, talking about all the punishment doled out by the Four Horsemen this week. Also he acknowledges that Big Bubba might be “nine feet tall” and that’s pretty intimidating. So Cornette had better sleep with Big Bubba and cuddle up to him so he’s around 100% of the time to save him from Dusty. Dusty LOVES saying “Bubba” in various funny ways (BUBBAbubbaBubba) and you can’t say he wasn’t 100% committed to getting that gimmick over with every ounce of his powers.

Meanwhile, we FINALLY get the contract signing between Magnum TA and Nikita Koloff for a US title match on TBS. And Uncle Ivan carefully reads over the contract before giving it to Nephew Nikita to sign, making sure all the agreements were agreed upon, such as a 60 minute time limit. Nikita thinks that maybe Magnum, who has his mother with him, is HOW YOU SAY, a mama’s boy? Maybe he’s, HOW YOU SAY, hiding behind her apron? In Soviet Union, women know their place, not like soft Americans like TA, and this disrespect of his mother is too much for TA and he attacks Koloff. But that goes badly for him as the Russians kick his ass and walk off like badasses. Well at least Magnum’s mama is there to nurse him back to health after that ill-advised attack.

Tully Blanchard joins us, and JJ Dillon is kind of surprised that Ronnie Garvin is still hanging around after Tully already broke his fingers a bunch of times, so now they’re gonna beat Garvin at his own game on the Bash tour.

World TV title: Arn Anderson v. Hector Guerrero

Hector comes flying with a crossbody right off the bell, but Tully Blanchard immediately runs in for the DQ to save and the Horsemen waste no time trying to break his arm. So Ricky Morton makes the save and chases them off before any damage can be done.

The Midnight Express join us and Cornette tells Bubba to be ready to take out David Crockett if need be.

The James Boys v. Thunderfoot & Bill Mulkey

Jesse James hits Thunderfoot with an elbow and monkey flips him out of the corner while Cornette rants on commentary about them. David: “You keep talking. They’re 50 feet away right over there.” Jesse finishes Bill with the belly to belly at 1:20. And then the Midnights storm the ring and attack, going for the mask, but WAIT, Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA make the save despite Cornette’s accusation that they were the James Boys, as we learn the shocking truth: The James Boys were actually TONY ZANE and SAM HOUSTON under the masks all along! I did not see that one coming, but we have video proof so it must be true.

HOT DAMN there was a lot going on with this one and it RULED. Who knew Tony Zane could throw a bionic elbow so convincingly?