Dream Matches — page 13

WWF SURVIVOR SERIES SHOWDOWN 1991:
-Hey look! I finally found another one of these shows! Though… this got uploaded in 2018, so I should have been able to find it then! Oh well. We’ve got a big batch of Dream Matches here, with Boss Man vs. Earthquake (same as last year), Roddy Piper vs. Hercules, and even the Million Dollar Title rematch between Ted DiBiase & Virgil- the actual end of their feud that nobody remembers or talks about! And somehow this company was insane enough to give away BLAKE BEVERLY vs. BUSHWHACKER LUKE on free TV! No wonder business bit the dust in 1992!

So this is the go-home show for the Hogan/Taker Survivor Series: “The Gravest Challenge”, which is also the first one with Ric Flair in it, but turned out to be an advertisement for “This Tuesday in Texas”, a failed experiment to put a PPV on a different date.

Your hosts: Vince McMahon & Bobby Heenan

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! So if you’re a fan of Sick Boy, you probably know the legend of him almost getting a big WWE push with the “Katie Vick” storyline, until he was cut loose for less-publicized reasons. Well come look at one of those reasons, as he faces OVW’s Prototype (a young, even more roided John Cena) in a Dark Match on RAW!

Also today, we’ll take a look at the DRAGON KID of all people making WCW TV, as he takes on Psychosis! Then some WCW Saturday Night goodness as it’s Wrath vs. Kenny Kaos! Also more of my “Essa Rios” series, as he takes on Crash Holly in early 2000! The Repo Man vs. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka in 1993 (yes, Snuka was around EVEN THEN!)! A very “WCW Squash Match” as Lash Leroux goes up against Tommy Rogers of The Fantastics in 2000! And we end things with another WWF match, as Virgil gets fed to “The Narcissist” Lex Luger, shortly before his repackaging!

GUEST REFEREE JACQUELINE:
THE PROTOTYPE vs. SCOTT VICK:
(WWF RAW Dark Match, June 2nd 2002)
* Yes, this is a very rare match between John Cena and Scott “Sick Boy” Vick, back when Vick was in developmental. Prototype’s in blue & silver shorts, and Vick’s in black shorts, and is actually taller than Cena, I think- just lankier.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a hell of a find- a 1951 Gorgeous George match! Come watch the ORIGINAL wrestling gimmick perform with some stuff you still find today! Also up: more of the infamous KISS Demon as he faces Rick Fuller! Bill Goldberg takes on roided jobber Chase Tatum! And finally it’s more Papi Chulo, as he teams up with El Merenguero (Jesus Castillo of Los Boriquas) against the pre-fame Hardy Boyz on WWF Super Astros! Also I threw in Yuji Nagata vs. Psychosis from an old Nitro, cuz I didn’t want only four matches.

BEST TWO OF THREE FALLS:
GORGEOUS GEORGE (w/ Thomas Ross) vs. JESSE JAMES:
(April 9th 1951)
* Oh yes, it’s time to review a GORGEOUS GEORGE match! So for those unaware, George is essentially the first “Gimmick Wrestler” of importance, doing a character performance as opposed to just being some tough guy. He’s got curly bleach-blonde hair, an imperious manner, and a fussy, pain in the ass character, insisting his valet use an atomizer to scent the “filthy” ring with perfume, “Because all the dirty wrestlers that have been in there”. George comes down to some flouncy theme music (he may have even invented the concept of wrestlers using theme music), throwing flowered leis into the crowd, and you get the perfect shot to realize that people back then “got it” about George- every man and woman there either has a look of disgust or the biggest “Can you believe this f*ckin’ guy?” grin on their face.

KING OF THE RING 2002:
-So we’re in the 2002 era now- the InVasion was a crushing disappointment, the nWo is here, and most of the big stars have slowed down and Triple-H rules much of the company. The product was ICE FREAKING COLD at this point, with the fans acting like their souls had been cut out. This is also famously the reason Steve Austin bailed on the company for a year or so, as he was booked to job in a short, unhyped match with Brock Lesnar in a Qualifier. Disgusted with the company (and acting COMPLETELY paranoid about his position on the card- he’d been embarrassing all three nWo guys in angles a few months beforehand), Austin went home without notice.

X-PAC vs. GOLDUST:
(WWF RAW, June 3rd)
* X-Pac is in the nWo here, but comes down solo (wearing a Kane mask, because they have an issue AGAIN?), while Goldust has a fake X-Pac goatee stuck onto his face and isn’t over in the slightest, despite being paired up with Booker T, who was an nWo member disliked by the others at this point.

When you make a deal with a nostalgia act and stick a Power Plant nobody in Gene Simmons’s gear. Then set up a deal for a PPV Main Event without knowing how it’s gonna get over. The most “Because WCW” thing ever.

Welcome back to more “Dream Matches”! Today, we take our first look at the infamous WCW run of “The Demon”, Dale Torborg wrapped up in KISS gear and made to be an official “KISS Wrestler” in a giant failure of a gimmick. Here he’s a speedbump for Jeff Jarrett during his never-ending WCW Main Eventer run. Then it’s a hilariously bad match where The Disciple cuts an impassioned promo to beg the fans to cheer for him, then goes out and flubs horribly in a match against Kenny Kaos! I find one more Super Assassins match, as Warlord & Barbarian (in masks) go out against the Nasty Boys!

One more “PG-13 in WCW” match, as they try to take the WCW Tag Team Titles from The Mamalukes! Then it’s a pair of Essa Rios vs. Funaki matches, as they fill time on all the lower-end shows with Light Heavyweight Title defenses! And finally, I end my “Los Cowboys” run by finally slotting in their trios match with Tigre Canadiense (a forgotten white guy who got unexpectedly over in lucha) against Dr. Wagner Jr. & The Headhunters!

U.S. TITLE:
JEFF JARRETT (w/ The Harris Twins) vs. THE DEMON:
(WCW Saturday Night, March 11th, 2000)
* UGHHHHHHHHHH I forgot the Harrises were in the last-ditch “nWo”. And Jarrett is saying they’re in “Slapnut County” to get crowd heat and cuts this rambling, boring promo about putting Sid’s career “on life support systems”. He’s in silver shorts, up against the KISS Demon in a US Title defense, and poor Dale Torborg has to do his giant entrance, brandishing his cape like a doofus, all so Jeff can jump him from behind.

The Barbarian was a big, strong, legit-tough dude, but a WORLD TITLE CONTENDER? On PPV? No wonder WCW lost so much money.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have a sequel to last weeks’ Jake/Koloff match, as it’s Jake & Barbarian vs. Nikita & Ron Simmons, the WCW World Champion! Then, it’s one of the stranger “two guys you didn’t think ever met” contests, thanks to Erik Watts’ run in late ’90s WCW, where he takes on Disco Inferno on TWO separate occasions! Then it’s a giant Hoss Match as The Giant takes on Roadblock on WCW Nitro, in a match with a remarkable ending that’s stuck in my mind for 25 years! More Essa Rios content, as he & Funaki take on the Hardy Boyz back when Rios was “Papi Chulo”! Then it’s a shockingly very good Wrath match, as he & the underrated Mike Enos fight like hell on a filler WCW Thunder bout! With some commentary you really have to hear.

JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS & THE BARBARIAN (w/ Cactus Jack) vs. RON SIMMONS & NIKITA KOLOFF:
(WCW Power Hour, Oct. 17th 1992)
* By recommendations, here’s Jake & Barbarian as WCW heels vs. Ron Simmons (the WCW World Champion!) and Koloff. Jake’s in blue, Barbarian’s in black, Ron’s in green and slapping hands with the fans, and a very bored-looking Koloff is in a black singlet. Nobody seems nearly as over as they should be considering this has the World Champ and the guy he’s wrestling at Halloween Havoc in a week.

Imagine this look, minus about 20 lbs. of muscle, and you have 1992 Nikita Koloff.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! I found another Jake Roberts match I never knew existed, though I guess he & Cactus Jack had a feud against Sting & Nikita Koloff in WCW when I wasn’t watching! So come see Jake versus a “just here for the paycheck” Koloff, as well as another Ron “H20” Waterman match, as he takes on The Prototype (aka John Cena on ALL THE STEROIDS)! Also a big pile of WCW D-Show nonsense, as we see Marty Jannetty vs. Horshu! The Wall vs. Rick Fuller, as the Wall’s weird WCW push continues! Bobby Eaton winding down his WCW run fighting BUZZKILL of all people! The Public Enemy take on the legendary Disorderly Conduct! And finally, Scott Norton versus El Dandy! Will we see Norton’s famously generous selling against smaller men? Wait and see!

JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS vs. NIKITA KOLOFF:
(WCW Worldwide, Aug. 25th 1992)
* !!! Okay, now THIS is interesting. I didn’t realize Koloff was still around back then, but he’s feuding with Jake & Cactus Jack alongside Sting . It’s fascinating, because without steroids and his “Just a guy in good shape” look, you realize that Koloff is noticeably smaller than Jake, which makes me think a Hogan/Koloff feud wouldn’t have QUITE the visuals Vince would want. Jake is wearing some weird patchwork tights while Nikita’s in a jobbery-looking singlet.

Randy Orton in 2002- ready for his Crazy Town cover band.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I have a fascinating dark match from RAW where four of OVW’s seemingly most promising guys perform… while also proving just WHY Brock Lesnar & Randy Orton made it, and why their partners, Ron “H20” Waterman & Rico Constantino did not.

And also I have some requests- Wildo & Ingus Jynx vs. The Grimm Twins! This is the only TV appearance of Wildo & Ingus Jynx and one of two appearances of the Grimm Twins! The Jynxes, of course, Matt & Jeff Hardy in weirdo one-off look, against the Harris Brothers in the second of their three WWF gimmicks. Also let’s take a look at Jake “The Snake” Roberts in 1987, taking on Moondog Spot, whom I’m seeing for the very first time! Also the wildest squash ever, as f*cking VINCENT of the nWo gets to look like a shooter against poor Tokyo Magnum! Plus a main event in any gymnasium in the country- VAN HAMMER vs. MIKE ENOS! And finally, the “Dream Matches” debut of Sick Boy, as he faces The Renegade!

As always, all these matches are available on YouTube.

BROCK LESNAR & RON “H20” WATERMAN vs. RANDY ORTON & RICO CONSTANTINO:
(RAW Dark Match, Feb. 4th 2002)
* oh SNAP! Some of the Pillars of OVW, back during their “touring RAW in Dark Matches” days. Nobody was really known to the fans yet, but Brock had been mostly teaming with Shelton Benjamin in OVW, and Rico was a very pushed guy over there (I remember Scott giving one bout of his a **** review and being excited to see him). Ron was a failed MMA fighter and has a great look, but never even made WWF TV. Brock & Ron are in black trunks, Ron just walking down stoically while Brock is actively flexing and talking smack- jeez, no wonder only one got called up. Randy… my god I forgot how young he was back then. He’s just a BABY. Oddly lacking today’s muscle-tone. The blue shorts are a weird look given how long he’s been in tiny trunks. Rico’s in long black tights and is just a normal guy, not the fabulous hairdresser yet.

KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCHES (2001):
* Hey, I finally remembered to do another set of these! Except I’d done a bunch before realizing that it was KOTR *2000* that was next on my list, and so I’ve had to wait a month or two before posting any of these, but oh well! We were still in the “RAW matches are 2 minutes long” era, but most KOTR matches were like that anyhow, so let’s see what the company was like in the early “InVasion” era.

The tournament itself isn’t that notable, but served its purpose well- “Elevate Another Midcarder”. There’s some high-end names in here (Angle, Kane, Big Show), but it’s mostly midcard guys fighting over everything, with a lot of young acts mayyyyyyyyyyyybe on the precipice of stardom, if they’re handled right: Matt & Jeff Hardy, Edge & Christian, Test & Rhyno, plus the newly-debuted ECW alumnus, Tajiri. JTTS guys include Steve Blackman, Perry Saturn, Crash Holly, Tazz & Raven, some of whom are at least kept a LITTLE strong.

MATT HARDY (w/ Lita) vs. JEFF HARDY (w/ Lita):
(RAW, June 4th)
* Oh, magnificent. Throw both Hardy Boyz against each other in the Qualfying round to draw some interest and drama- apparently Commissioner William Regal has set up the brackets this way. Matt’s in a black shirt & Jeff’s in white, both in the same baggy “Hardy pants”, while Lita’s still in the “thong visible outside the jeans” era. Matt is the European Champion at this point.

Another Dream Matches column this week, mostly because I FINALLY got to this match, and it’s pretty long so could be its own review… but I figured I’d toss some of the weirder “Dumpster Fire” Saturday Night matches onto it just for the hell of it. And also because I’ve had them finished for ages but couldn’t think of a column that needed room to fit a match as huge as Jim Neidhart vs. Roadblock or a superteam like Mike Enos/Chris Adams on it.

LADDER MATCH:
NWA INDEPENDENT WORLD TITLE:
AL SNOW vs. SABU:
(Indie Fancam, July 23rd 1994)
* This is another in the endless Snow/Sabu Indie Tape Trader series, with them ripping off the Ladder Match concept only months after WrestleMania X. This is back when a shot from a CHAIR was a game-changer, so ladder shots were like nuclear weapons in the Shawn/Razor bout, mind you. I can only assume that every indie on Earth started using “Ladder Matches” to sell tickets around this point, but I wasn’t a tape trader so I’m not sure. Anyone familiar with that era?

Al comes down to the song they always play at sports arenas- it’s literally on YouTube as “The Hey Song” but is I guess “Rock & Roll Part 2” by noted kiddy-diddler Gary Glitter. Al’s in blue trunks looking like a total goober again, and Sabu’s in shiny silver pants. The belt up for grabs is the NWA Independent “World” Title- a belt invented solely for Sabu to defend on his travelling indie tours- a pretty smart gimmick, really. It looks like they just use half a hockey rink as their “arena” here, cutting it in half with curtains. This match looks excruciatingly long going by YouTube, but I’ve had this on my docket for like six months, so let’s finally get to it!

Because WCW: A worker as respected as Jerry Lynn, and he’s in “Player 2” Rey Mysterio gear and jobs on the D-shows.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time we get a couple of double-whammies, as Chris Jericho takes on Jerry Lynn back when he was jobber “Mr. JL” on the WCW D-Shows! Then it’s Marty Jannetty vs. Pat Tanaka on WWF TV, but from two years apart- 1991 (when Tanaka was on a tag team) and 1993 (when he was a glorified jobber)!

And I also found a match from that odd period where Mona (Molly Holly) was suddenly able to get work for her indie buddies as WCW randomly had a women’s division again- she takes on Little Jeannie. Finally, another weirdo “Wait, THAT happened?” match, as Papi Chulo (Essa Rios) shows up on Super Astros… and his opponent is the fourth TIGER MASK!

CHRIS JERICHO vs. MR. JL:
(WCW Saturday Night, Aug. 31st 1996)
* Yes, it’s more of Jerry Lynn as a Rey Mysterio-like purple-clad Power Ranger, and Spunky Babyface Chris Jericho. Jericho’s got the bright, curly blonde locks and black & yellow tights here.

“Plucky Babyface Eddie Guerrero” is kind of a forgotten era for the guy. Also a reminder of the time WCW tossed the U.S. Title on a lot of pretty new acts in the company.

It’s time for more Dream Matches! With more of a big WCW focus again, but I throw in a WWF tag match from the weird early days where “Cool Dad” Michael Hayes was managing the Hardy Boyz, and they were in a throwaway match with Funaki & Papi Chulo (the future Essa Rios)! But our main event of the evening is Lord Steven Regal doing another one of his technical clinics against a new hire named Eddie Guerrero!

Also come see CIMA up against Perry Saturn, when the former was still a rookie trainee in WCW! A weird “Late WCW is more like Early TNA” match as Psychosis fights Shark Boy in 2000! And another shocker- PG-13 made WCW TV in 2000! They take on the much-maligned 3 Count! Then come see Bobby Eaton’s time on the WCW job squad continue as he’s set up against Fit Finlay in a match of the short, stocky veterans. And finally, a TRUE main event and the kind of match I was born to review- SCOTT PUTSKI vs. MEAN MIKE OF DISORDERLY CONDUCT! Smell the ratings!

LORD STEVEN REGAL (w/ Jeeves) vs. EDDIE GUERRERO:
(WCW Nitro, Jan. 9th 1996)
* Regal takes on the relative newcomer Eddie, here a a dorky babyface with a white & red singlet, a HUGE mullet, and a pretty generic persona. However, he was getting pretty great reactions at this point- I believe I read that a focus group test actually showed he was one of their more popular wrestlers, which led to some emphasis on TV. This was the “WCW Special” of just throwing two good workers out there with 8 minutes of TV time and seeing what happens.

Future puro stars pop up in the strangest places in their early years- like CIMA making Nitro & Thunder appearances!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week we have a wild assortment of weirdness, as I finally get to showcase something I’d been wanting to share- the time CIMA & Tokyo Magnum hit WCW! See, Ultimo Dragon wanted some training time for his boys in what was then called Toryumon, and so we have them acting as jobbers in all sorts of WCW programming, taking on guys in true “Wait, THAT happened?” bouts- such as here against The Public Enemy in their second WCW run!

Also the KOTR run of Chyna inspired me to check out an IC Title defense from the same era, as she takes on DX stablemate Mr. Ass! Then watch a bizarre OVW trios match, as “The Main Roster Failures Squad” (Sean O’Haire, Lance Cade &  Renee Dupree) take on The Big Boss Man (an OVW trainer at this point!), Charlie Haas and John Cena! Also an all-time dream match as Blake Beverly takes on SMASH… but in WCW when the latter was completely washed up and doing the “Hole in One” gimmick on WCW Saturday Night. TWICE they wrestled- smell the ratings! Finally, more of my dive into lucha as Silver King, 2 Cold Scorpio & El Texano team up against Dr. Wagner Jr, Scorpio Jr & Black Power.

THE PUBLIC ENEMY (Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge) vs. SHIIMA NOBUNAGA & TOKYO MAGNUM:
(WCW Thunder 07-08-1998)
* GOD I love WCW! Where else can you see shit like Dragon Gate guys fighting TPE on the B-show? The rookie trainees already have great looks and good gear, but they’re taking on an increasingly-rotund TPE (Grunge in particular is HUGE now). Magnum’s in pink & black, Shiima’s in yellow & black, and TPE have big white jerseys on.

Paul Orndorff was in his 40s in WCW, but it’s still weird to me he has crossover with guys I associate with the late ’90s, like Disco.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have one of those crazy matches where you realize that ’80s star Paul Orndorff had crossover with late ’90s WCW comedy act Disco Inferno. Two separate squash matches from 1995, in fact! I’ll also take a look at another one of the Al Snow/Sabu indie wrestling series, plus the monster Meng vs. Saturday Night stalwart, Roadblock!

Oh, and you want an all-time “I can’t believe we were lucky enough to see that” Dream Match? Come check out MEAN MIKE of Disorderly Conduct against LIGHTNING FOOT Jerry Flynn! Then what’s advertised as a “HOT MUSCLE MATCH!” on YouTube, between Scott Steiner and rookie bodybuilder Chase Tatum. And we end things with future New Japan Ace, Yuji Nagata vs. the Chairman of WCW, La Parka! So it’s mostly a WCW-inspired one tonight, but then they always WERE the best source of weirdo disparate matches.

“MR. WONDERFUL” PAUL ORNDORFF vs. DISCO INFERNO:
(WCW Nitro, Dec. 12th 1995)
* Yes, Mr. Wonderful & Disco Inferno had some crossover. This is nuts to me, but indeed Paul lasted a while until his career faded away. Disco’s in white bell-bottoms (with a full Tony Manero pre-match outfit) and Paul’s in white trunks. He’s coming out to what sounds like the anthem for Anvilania in “Animaniacs” and looking in a mirror. When the voice gets REALLY high, Heenan declares that Gene Okerlund recorded this while sitting on a 40-lb. block of ice.

WWF KING OF THE RING (2000)- SECOND ROUND:
* Continuing the previous review, the second round of the 2000 King of the Ring features some of the more “Okay, come on- is this really a random draw?” matches, as a few guys fight unrelated opposition, but we have Chyna/Eddie, Rikishi/Scotty, and Crash/Hardcore.

Because Early 2000 WWF: BULL BUCHANAN! Whether you want him or not!

PERRY SATURN vs. BULL BUCHANAN:
(June 18th, Heat)
* Saturn beat D-Von Dudley thanks to DX interference, while Bull handily defeated Steve Blackman.

The much larger Bull uses his size to start, shoving Saturn around, but eats a boot in the corner and a dropkick off the middle. He throws punches but eats a clothesline, but a third straight “whip to corner” reversal sees Saturn back on the advantage, tripping Bull into the ropes and hitting a T-bone suplex for two. But Bull comes off the ropes with a boot and hits his Ax Kick finisher for the quick win (1:51)! Jesus christ that was fast. As a match, this was nothing- Bull was so green they just did three “whip to the corner, but the guy who hits it reverses the charging move” spots to switch momentum, then ANOTHER whip-reversal to set up the finish. 2 minutes for a clean win marks Saturn as the “Jobber” of the Radicalz, which is funny as he was one a lot of fans (including me) assumed was gonna be the biggest star.

Rating: 1/2* (very quick and mobile match, but super-short and a glorified squash)

KING OF THE RING (Qualifying Matches) 2000:
* So I finally remembered to do another one of these, though we’re past the point where I can recall most of the angles. The name of the game this tournament is the same as last one- Make A New Star. Hopefully this “Kurt Angle” guy will prove more successful than Billy Gunn. This will be a MONSTER set, so I’ll split it up for today and tomorrow.

This tournament is unusual due to the MASSIVE roster of guys- the jam-packed company and no Russo at the time (therefore his attention span couldn’t wreck it) made for a 32-man tournament! We’ve got a huge assortment, though, as all four Radicalz (then newly-hired by the company), Chyna, Jericho & Rikishi provide serious competition, while the company’s vast tag ranks fill out slots left & right for “easy wins” or upsets- Too Cool, APA, T&A, the Hollies, Dudleys & Edge/Christian. This is a verrrrrrrrry interesting time for the company, as they put the final nail in WCW by hiring away four of their top workers, while Jericho & Rikishi had gotten over and Angle was now a completely miraculous rookie find. And what was a company based around having shitty 2-minute brawling matches now had a ton of great wrestlers all over the place, which was kind of shifting the basic style to longer matches with high spots.

Of course, having looked at all these matches… they’re still mostly super-short (as KOTR matches have been since 1994, to be fair), and OH GOD a ton of guys are still stuck in the “Punch & Kick” mode. Bad agenting was all around at this time, with only a handful of guys avoiding it. But it’d be a long, hard road to hit the point of improvement, and a lot of dudes who couldn’t make that transition saw their careers die. You’ll see a very high level of “the guy who loses the match does most of the offense”, probably in a way to look a bit strong or make him feel better about losing- this goes back a ways (you see mid ’90s joshi do this a bunch, too).

I’ll do the first round in one post, then see what I can find for the second round for next week.

RIKISHI vs. SHANE McMAHON:
(May 29th, RAW)
* Okay, I forget the story behind this. Shane is entered in the KOTR, but has to fight Rikishi, who is in the midst of his biggest year ever before everything went horribly wrong. Shane, in a WWF shirt & regular jogging pants, boasts about “beating the Big Show” and how Undertaker couldn’t beat him, marking him as a smart-mouthed wimpy heel.

The before-time, when Lita was introduced to the WWF audience as ESSA RIOS’ manager!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time it’s a bunch more WCW stuff, but I throw in more Los Cowboys! We start off with an early Hardy Boyz match as they take on Eddie Guerrero & Essa Rios! Then it’s Yuji Nagata on his Western excursion as he takes on WCCW star Chris Adams, popularizer of the Superkick! A FAT MAN STAND-OFF as the One Man Gang takes on P.N. News!

Then come see Los Cowboys (Silver King & El Texano) as they take on the guys from last week- Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon! But as masked heel wrestlers in Mexico! Then it’s popular late-stage WCW act 3-Count (Shane Helms, Shannon Moore & Evan Karagias) oppose three jobbesr… including ELIX SKIPPER AND SONNY SIAKI, who yeah- were late WCW guys! Late WCW is more like Early TNA sometimes. And finally, as I have some space to fill, here’s the debut of the legendary HORSHU in WCW, as he faces poor schmuck Joey Maggs on the D-show.

EDDIE GUERRERO & ESSA RIOS (w/ Chyna & Lita) vs. THE HARDY BOYZ (Matt & Jeff Hardy):
(WWF RAW, April 17th, 2000)
* Here’s one recommended by Steve Austrian, with strangeness abounding as Lita leads a team AGAINST the Hardy Boyz, because when the former Miss Congeniality of ECW debuted (and had the mandatory surgery), she was the manager of the former Aguila. They barely even tried with Essa Rios, as he barely ever got mic time or any big wins, and quietly vanished. He’s in white tights with red, while Lita’s in a red bodysuit with cut-outs instead of her iconic gear. Eddie, meanwhile, is studying for his GED in an angle I don’t remember, and wearing a “VaChyna” t-shirt. Jeff’s got a black shirt and Matt has his best “2000s club guy” velvety blue shirt on.

Shinjiro Ohtani: If disdain was a person.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one features a true wild one for me, as we see two of New Japan’s top Juniors… in WCW, taking on the American Males! Koji Kanemoto & Shinjiro Ohtani vs. Bagwell & Riggs! Plus, four of the most disparate guys you can imagine end up in one match- ’80s tag legend Bobby Eaton, ’90s failed Power Plant grad Kenny Kaos, never-was failed ’90s hire Bobby Duncum, Jr., and former Beverly Brother Mike Enos have a tag match on Saturday Night! And I’m pretty sure the ending is buggered!

Then ANOTHER possibly buggered ending, as that weird Late-96, Early-97 WWF era where they’re just throwing EVERYTHING at the wall to see what sticks rears its head, as we have Mexican legends Pierroth & Cibernetico taking on All Japan top team Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon! But check that weird ending!

Also, come see Lex Luger & The Giant take on two roided Power Plant guys I’ve never heard of in “The Power Company” (here called the Power Team)! And did you know that ELIX SKIPPER got his TV start in WCW? It’s true! Come watch him get some showcase as a job guy for Billy Kidman! Plus a random mess of a match as Barry Horowitz is left trying (and failing) to wrestle a lucha-style match against Silver King!

KOJI KANEMOTO & SHINJIRO OHTANI (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. THE AMERICAN MALES (Marcus Alexander Bagwell & Scotty Riggs):
(WCW Worldwide, Dec. 2nd 1995)
* Oh YES!! Two of the best New Japan Juniors and they go to WCW and end up stuck with the Power Plant pretty boys! Now THAT’S a weirdo “WTF? This happened?” match! Ohtani in particular is THE SHIT, famous for the sheer amount of disdain he holds for every opponent. Kanemoto I’ve seen less, but he was the third Tiger Mask and I’ve seen a LOT of **** ratings thrown his way. The Males are still in the midcard at this point, and OH MY GOD they’re so ’90s. I love Buff’s bouffant hair and Riggs with his dirtbag semi-mullet. They have hideous black & white-striped singlets and jean shorts on, while Ohtani’s in his trademark plain black trunks, and Koji’s dressed like Bruce Lee with a white belt. Curiously the size difference is nowhere near as prominent as I was expecting- Bagwell isn’t any taller than Ohtani from the looks of things.

Konnan! Back when he was super-built and wore all the colors!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Today I have a pile of totally random stuff, as usual- a few requests plus the beginning of the infamous “Konnan Push” in WCW, as he takes on the US Champion One Man Gang in a totally random match. Also witness the last of the Ice Train stuff I could find, as he squashes the Gambler in 1996, then gets flattened by Goldberg four years later, this time as “M.I. Smooth”!

Next up is the long-awaited reappearance of the Deceptively-Stocky Rockers of Lucha- Los Cowboys! Silver King & El Texano team up with Villano III against the weirdo team of Yokozuna (Kokina Maximus), Miguel Perez Jr. & “The Killer”! Next it’s Disorderly Conduct, but against all-time great workers instead of the usual Saturday Night dregs, with Eddie Guerrero & Rey Mysterio taking them on! And we end things with the death of WCW Saturday Night (it continues on as a recap show after this)- a look at WCW’s horrible hardcore division, based around BRIAN KNOBBS of all people, as he takes on Norman Smiley, Rick Fuller, Al Green as a barking dog, and… two jobbers? Really? Just match-filling nobodies? THIS is what you book as the final match in Saturday Night’s history? oh, WCW.

WCW U.S. TITLE:
THE ONE MAN GANG vs. KONAN:
(WCW The Main Event, Feb. 4th 1996)
* This is one of those completely random, out of nowhere WCW bouts that ended up being a shocker, as the One Man Gang beat Kensuke Sasaki in a match both WCW & NJPW couldn’t ignore fast enough, and now the Gang is defending against some totally random dude- a guy most American fans had never heard of who is the Mexican Champion, and OH MY GOD what in the name of god is Konan wearing? He’s got a blue mask, shiny blue cape with “KONAN” written in block letters, blue tasseled tights and a gigantic “fake muscles” novelty shirt in hot pink. This is the ugliest ring costume I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched like 200 Kaoru Ito matches. Despite the idiotic gear, Konan (that’s the spelling at this point) actually has a really good physique at this point, not hiding it behind baggy jeans and shirts like he would shortly afterwards when he was rowdy-rowdy and bout-it bout-it.

Still the most bitching entrance in wrestling history, probably.

I think it was Scott Keith who mentioned that WCW had such a bad PR department that they had a man dresses as a giant skeleton who hit people with chairs and then danced atop the chairs, yet failed to market him to children. And that anyone who failed in such a thing had no business promoting ANYTHING, much less wrestling.

So on that note, we have a new Dream Matches column, this time showcasing what Scott’s talking about as La Parka is set up as one of Goldberg’s many victims! Also more of the Best of Ice Train, as he and fellow “forgotten big guy” Roadblock fight on the D-show! Then one of the all-time lowest-tier matches ever, as the former “Squire” Dave Taylor fights MEAN MIKE of Disorderly Conduct! Also, a pair of 1995 WWF matches, as Bam Bam & Henry Godwinn take on Ted DiBiase’s teams- first Tatanka & Kama, then Sid & Kama, in successive B-shows. Good ol’ 1995 WWF! If you think any shows TODAY suck, take a look at ’95!

Then we end things with me looking at Mid-South of all things, as my search for One Man Gang matches sees him teaming with Ravishing Rick Rude against Bruiser Brody and the Missing Link… with the latter two being BABYFACES! Oh, and also a request, as Dustin Rhodes faces Bobby Eaton, with both guys being totally washed up in the dying days of WCW.

WCW US TITLE:
BILL GOLDBERG vs. LA PARKA:
(WCW Nitro, June 1st 1998)
* This is an epic one- La Parka is beloved online, but to WCW he was just a chair-wielding jobber, so here he is to be sacrificed to Goldberg on a Nitro in Washington, DC. And HOLY SHIT is Goldberg over, with the full regalia, fireworks and his bitching theme song and everything. And he hits the ring like a twitchy madman and the fans are going nuts already.