The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.25.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.25.86

Originally written 05.02.26

Today was Free Comic Book Day, so I hit some of the stores in town and picked up everything I had wanted from what was available. I’m most pumped about the Energon Universe issue because I think it’s great to see Hasbro’s comic properties revived like they have been, but anything that’s free is hard to beat. I also picked up a TPB of “Superman in the Seventies”, which is absolutely 100% my jam and immediately starts out with Superman v. Captain Thunder and never gets less awesome. If it’s written by Eliot S! Maggin and/or drawn by Curt Swan, you don’t have to ask me twice.

Also today was PopConYXE here in Saskatoon, which is mostly a celebration of anime cosplayers and booths of overpriced retro games, but Ted Dibiase showed up to sign autographs and sadly he’s looking pretty old in person. Granted he (allegedly) stole from charity, but he was seated next to Zachary Levi so at least he wasn’t the most problematic person at the show.

Taped from Syracuse NY on 10.08.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino & Jesse Ventura

Koko B. Ware v. Moondog Spot

Oh man, Butch Reed has WORDS for Koko in an inset promo. Well there’s one Wrestlemania match set. Koko slams Spot and puts him down with dropkicks before going to work on the arm. Spot turns the tide with a backbreaker and some cheapshots, and he puts Koko down with a clothesline for two. Koko comes back with a sunset flip for two, but Spot facelocks him and goes up with an elbow, which misses. Koko slugs back and dodges a blind charge, and then goes up with a missile dropkick and finishes with the Ghostbuster at 2:57. I’m sure these two had a million matches in Memphis and this was a pretty decent 3 minute squash as a result.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Recently Gene visited Blackjack Mulligan, who is down in Texas branding cattle and making threats to people like Randy Savage and King Kong Bundy. Have they checked to verify that the brands weren’t counterfeit?

Tito Santana & Pedro Morales v. Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff

Tito very disrespectfully dropkicks Volkoff during the national anthem, which Jesse is rightly outraged about. Although then Jesse also complains that they’re chanting “USA” for a Puerto Rican, and last I checked Puerto Rico is part of the USA. The heels double-team Tito after some shine from the babyfaces, and Danny Davis just lets it happen, but Tito slips away and makes the hot tag to Pedro. Pedro with a suplex and a backbreaker, but Davis is busy with Slick and can’t make the count. So Pedro tries a Boston crab instead, but Danny is busy with Tito this time, and Nikolai kicks Pedro in the head and switches off with Sheik for the pin at 3:23. Vince continues his campaign of slander against Davis, and Tito tries to attack the helpless referee before he runs away and makes it to safety.

Meanwhile, The British Bulldogs once again talk with Jesse Ventura about Matilda, and Jesse thinks she’s really ugly.

The Islanders v. Steve Lombardi & Barry O

Elite jobber team here. Tama leapfrogs over Barry and chops him down, but Haku comes in and misses an elbow. Over to Lombardi, but the Islanders give him a double hiptoss and double headbutt. Vince defends Dave Hebner against accusations of bias levied by Jesse, but let’s look at the facts: Two of the most infamously controversial finishes in the GODDAMN HISTORY OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING either featured Dave or Earl Hebner. QED. Flying splash from Tama finishes at 3:00.

Jake Roberts v. Mike Kelly

I see young Mike Kelly is still getting work. I feel like Jake is gonna school him here. Kelly catches him with a bodypress for two and tries to work the arm, but Jake clotheslines him and goes to his own armbar. Meanwhile, we get an inset promo from Dick Slater, who notes that there’s no better person to get a piece of a chicken than a rooster. I think he’s confusing Jake with another guy. Jake decides to start kicking Kelly in the knee to take him down and works on that for a bit, but then decides to finish with the DDT at 2:23. Watching this young kid stumble around the ring is like, I dunno, nails on a chalkboard or something. And he doesn’t even take the snake, as the ref rolls him out of the ring to save him! He really skated away from that one.

Piper’s Pit, with special guest Mr. Fuji, who brings a bag of fortune cookies. “Man with only one good leg cannot HOP to win”. “Man who wear plaid skirt better have two good legs”. “Man who wreck Flower Shop can never blossom again”. But Piper notes that Confucius say “big fat ugly penguin should never mess with polar bear”. So Fuji challenges him to a match next week to defend his honor and I guess that’s our main event next week.

The Rougeau Brothers v. Jimmy Jack Funk & MR. ELECTRICITY Steve Regal

Raymond slams both heels and clears the ring, while we get an inset from Dino Bravo, who is totally lacking in the exaggerated Quebec accent he would adopt a little later as a gimmick. Back in the ring, Jacques dropkicks Funk over the top, and it’s back to MR. ELECTRICITY. He gets some decided non-electric forearms on Raymond and Funk comes in with a middle rope forearm. Double clothesline for the double down, but Raymond is up first and sends Jimmy into the post, allowing Jacques to hit the top rope seated senton for the pin at 3:24.

Meanwhile, in Samoa, Sika eats some raw fish while the Wizard cuts a promo on Hulk Hogan. I’m reminded of a bit going around social media, where a man is talking to a salmon and explains that there’s a color named after him. “Oh”, says the salmon, “you mean it’s a nice silver color after my beautiful skin and scales?” And the man is like “Um, this is awkward…”

Paul Orndorff v. Leaping Lanny Poffo

Poffo does a poem about Orndorff saying that he’s too ugly to get a date and can’t beat Hogan, so SHOCKINGLY Paul kicks his ass and sends him to the floor, and then hits him with an elbow off the top on the way back into the ring and finishes with a spicy piledriver at 0:45. Well that’ll teach him some manners in the future. Keep your poetry to yourself, kids.

NEXT WEEK: Hulk Hogan with nutritional tips! Randy Savage! Junkyard Dog! King Harley Race! Rowdy Roddy Piper v. Mr. Fuji!