The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.17.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.17.87

Originally written 07.31.26

Taped from East Rutherford, NJ on 01.05.87, drawing a mammoth 15000

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino, promising EXCITEMENT IN GIANT SIZED PROPORTIONS this week.

Ricky Steamboat v. Barry O

Yes, the Dragon is BACK from his crushed throat. Barry misses a bodypress and Steamboat works the arm. Barry bails to escape, but Ricky hangs onto the wrist, maintaining control like he’s Okada, and follows him out there for an arm crank on the floor before sending him back in. Steamboat with an atomic drop into the corner and he follows with a monkey flip. We get an inset from Macho Man, who is NOT watching this match because clearly Steamboat is busted up and not 100%. Barry wisely hits Ricky into the throat and drops him on the top rope, but Steamboat is DRAGONING UP and no-sells the throat injury, slugging away with chops and then necking Barry on the top rope himself. And the flying bodypress wraps it up at 2:35. Steamboat was showing some FIRE here and Barry was a good opponent to hang with him.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Let us take you back to a match between Harley Race and Billy Jerk that just aired on Prime Time Wrestling, which ends with Bobby Heenan running in to prevent the full nelson and getting disqualified. So Bobby threatens Billy with someone even STRONGER to get revenge.

Meanwhile, George Steele reads the WWF Magazine, but gets to a photo of Randy Savage and tears it up.

Kamala v. Don Driggers

Kamala smashes him right away and puts him down with a sidekick and splash to finish at 0:30. The crowd’s shriek of horror when he goes to the top rope is amazing.

Meanwhile, on SNME, Junkyard Dog faces King Harley Race and steals the robe and crown for himself before going after Bobby Heenan, setting up yet another Wrestlemania III match.

Meanwhile, more from Outback Jack, as he drinks beer with a cow in the bar. Apparently Australians like to drink is what I’m getting.

DEMOLITION v. Sal Bellomo & Mario Mancini

Yes, it’s the debut I’ve been waiting for, with Johnny V as the manager and Smash looking very different. Ax’s makeup is all messed up and weird here, and he elbows Bellomo down after hammering on him. Over to Moondog Smash and he beats on Mancini and tosses him for a slam from Ax on the floor. Man the hair and makeup are distractingly terrible here. Back in the ring, the Decapitation elbow finishes at 3:10. This was at least better than their terrible debut on Challenge at the same time but Smash had to go.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Jack Tunney! He’s got a big trophy, which is being awarded to Hulk Hogan for winning the WWF title three years ago and being a big star. So Hulk comes out and claims his GIANT trophy, which is ridiculously oversized for this occasion. And then Andre the Giant comes out to celebrate with him, and he quips “Three years to be a champion is a long time” and shakes Hulk’s hand before leaving again. Glad to see everything is good between them.

Hercules v. Jim Parks

Herc beats on Parks while Jesse points out that, man, Andre is way bigger than Hulk Hogan when they’re standing side by side. Bruno is probably seething that Hulk got that trophy for a three year title reign and he did that shit TWICE and got NOTHING. Herc with a slam and a delayed suplex and that sets up the full nelson to finish at 1:20. So Bobby challenges any wrestler to escape that full nelson, specifically aiming at Billy Jerk. So Billy indeed answers right then, and offers himself up so Herc can put up or shut up. But then Bobby distracts Billy and Herc attacks him from behind and applies the hold. Billy is about to power out, but Bobby kicks him in the gut and Herc drops him and puts the boots to him. So there’s another Wrestlemania program on the way. This show is doing the WORK.

Meanwhile, WRESTLEMANIA III IS COMING. Yeah it is.

The Killer Bees v. Iron Mike Sharpe & Terry Gibbs

The Bees are wearing the masks to start, which Jesse is offended by, but luckily Danny Davis is there to maintain order. Blair with a bodypress on Gibbs for two and the Bees work on the arm. Jesse: “You know who’s 10 times worse than Danny Davis? Dick Wohrle”. PREACH. The heels double-team Brunzell in the corner while Davis escorts Blair out of the ring, and we get an inset from the Hart Foundation declaring the masks illegal. The Bees double-team Sharpe, but the heels beat on Blair in the corner while Davis admittedly lets a lot happen that probably shouldn’t. Blair clotheslines Gibbs for two while Vince notes that Danny’s ref license expires in March. Oh shit TKO about to shed more contracts! Danny Davis is #ALLELITE! The heels double-team in the corner again while Davis watches and he keeps escorting the other Bee out, and then ignores a pinfall attempt because he claims that there’s no tag. Vince: THERE WAS NO REASON FOR A TAG! Finally the Bees pull off the masks in frustration and Brunzell dropkicks Gibbs and pins him at 5:35 with a very slow count from Davis. OK I’ve been giving Danny the benefit of the doubt but there was a bit of bias here, I’ll admit.

NEXT WEEK: Paul Orndorff! Koko B. Ware! Randy Savage! The Can-Am Connection v. Muraco & Orton!