The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.15.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.15.94

Originally written 10.11.25

Hey, yes, I’m going to be doing Crown Jewel: That’s Not a Knife sometime this week, but this is Thanksgiving weekend for us Canadians and I’ve got Thanksgiving family stuff going on where I don’t really have 3.5 hours to watch a WWE show at the moment. So instead you get this. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 09.27.94. I know it was the arena where they traditionally filmed WWF Championship Wrestling a decade earlier, but holy shit it looks like a high school gym here.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Shawn Michaels & Diesel v. Gary Scott & Reno Riggins

So we get introduced via inset to Charlie Minn, the newest member of the broadcast team. Bet you already forgot about him. Shawn tosses Reno over the top with a hiptoss and Diesel sends him back in a couple of times, where Shawn puts him down with the superkick. Over to Scott, but Big Kev hits him with a big boot and finishes with the Poochiebomb at 2:30. Shawn and Diesel were super cool at this point, no doubt.

Bob “Spark Plug” Holly v. Mike Bell

Oddly, we take a commercial break after the ring introductions. Well that’s new. Holly dropkicks Bell into the corner while Vince continues a running “joke” started by Charlie Minn about how Lawler’s robe is stinky. Top shelf stuff here. Holly beats on Bell and clotheslines him out of the corner before dropping a knee on him. Bob with a powerslam and he goes up and finishes with a high cross at 2:20. I believe that was the “Overhead Cam” but Vince and Lawler were busy talking about Queezy and other stuff anyway.

Arnold Skaaland joins Vince for an interview in the ring, talking about managing Bob Backlund to the WWF title, but that of course brings out the embittered Mr. Bob Backlund, who snaps again and PROCURES THE CHICKENWING on Skaaland until the agents and Bob Holly pull him off.

Doink the Clown v. Kory Student

Wait, why didn’t they bring this guy back when Dean Douglas was around a year later? Student actually gets some good offense to start, putting Doink down with a clothesline to block a hiptoss, and then working him over in the corner. Doink comes back with an atomic drop and then quickly finishes with the Whoopie Cushion at 1:50. And then Doink counters the introduction of Queezy from RAW with his own entry in the midget arms race: WINK. I believe it was Jack Victory in the costume.

Meanwhile, Todd Pettingil puts over the new ACTION ZONE and buries the NFL pregame shows that he finds really boring. Your first main event: The final match between Bret and Owen Hart! Wasn’t actually their final match but still a good story for the show.

Owen Hart v. Mike Park

Park looks like a very tall JYD with his bright white tights. Meanwhile Lawler informs us that Arnold Skaaland is REALLY OLD. HOW OLD IS HE? His driver’s license was painted by Rembrandt. Owen misses a blind charge and Park goes to work on his knee a bit while Vince buries him, noting Park “appears not to know what to do with Owen”. So Owen bais and suckers Park to the floor, where Neidhart beats on him. Back in the ring, Owen dropkicks Park and shows that the knee was fine all along, and he goes up with a missile dropkick and finishes with the Sharpshooter at 2:45.

Lex Luger v. Tony Devito

We now have sad overdubs of people chanting “USA” as the hook for Luger’s music. Luger blocks a hiptoss and hits one of his own, but Devito slugs away in the corner until Lex clotheslines him and hits him with a powerslam. And the REBEL RACK finishes at 2:11.

Yokozuna v. Jason Storm

Yoko quickly puts him down with a clothesline and a Rock Bottom to finish at 0:44. But then Undertaker rolls the casket down to the ring and Yoko is terrified and runs away. I mean, a 7 foot tall undead monster wheels a casket down to the ring, you’re gonna be pretty scared.

By the way, I omitted the Charlie Minn Event centers for New York but they are…NOT GOOD.

NEXT WEEK: Mr. Bob Backlund v. Bob Holly! The British Bulldog! King Kong Bundy! 1-2-3 Kid! Tatanka! Doink on the Heartbreak Hotel!

I don’t know if it was just my perception but there was a SHITLOAD of commercials on this episode for some reason. Honestly they were probably more interesting than this tired show was.