The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.12.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.12.91

Originally written 10.18.25. Sadly I was working late on Saturday night, so WrestleDream is delayed until Sunday night for me.

Taped from Ottawa, ON on 09.09.91

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper & Randy Savage, celebrating COLUMBUS DAY back in 1991.

Big Bossman v. Martin Roy

Bossman slugs him down and sends him to the floor for a running punch out there, and back in for the running choke while we get an inset promo from Irwin. Bossman slam finishes at 2:38. Why exactly is he handcuffing the jobber and threatening to beat him, anyway? What did that guy do?

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE!

Apparently there’s a Survivor Series coming up in November, featuring Hulk Hogan defending the WWF title against Undertaker! I distinctly remember PWI Weekly snarking on the announcement in their next issue, as they were like “What did he do to earn a title shot? Beating British Bulldog by DQ at a house show?” That’s unfair, he was also losing to Sid Justice around the horn every night. Anyway, Hulk Hogan wants to know what’s going to happen when his Hulkamaniacs close the coffin on Undertaker? That seems extreme.

The Beverly Brothers v. Ross Greenberg & Phil Apollo

The Bushwhackers respond to the Genius’s poem with a poem of their own via inset. Spoiler: It involves the Beverly Brothers getting licked. Greenberg gets double-teamed while Savage asks Piper about Ric Flair, and Roddy goes off on a rant until Vince calms him down and then chooses to egg on the Macho Man instead. So at this point, they begin the process of moving from Sid-Jake to Savage-Jake, and the Beverlies finish Apollo with the Shaker Heights Spike at 2:30.

Meanwhile, Tito Santana continues his quest to become El Matador, receiving a hero’s welcome at a local village even though he hasn’t actually done anything yet. But now his catchphrase is OLE instead of ARRIBA so he’s halfway there. But he’s still gonna fight a bull, which is a rather large part of the process that he seems to be hand-waving. It’s like Step 1, get new tights and music, check. Step 2, fight a goddamn bull, well we’ll deal with that when we get to it I guess.

Jake Roberts v. Tony Diamond

Jake’s got his awesome heel gear here, with the snakeskin cowboy boots and flames on the tights, and he beats on Diamond and teases the DDT a couple of times before dropping him, and then finally hits the move and pins him at 2:50. Vince is hyping Sid-Jake again but clearly the destination is Savage now and they would have known about Sid’s injury at this point.

Meanwhile, Sgt. Slaughter is still whining about forgiveness like a damn pinko commie. SO DO SOMETHING!

The British Bulldog v. Paul Perez

Bulldog takes Perez down and slams him while Vince tries to make peace with Savage and Piper, who are both driving him crazy. Davey with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it Andrade’s non-compete expiration, and Bulldog goes to a nerve pinch before hitting him with a corner clothesline and the running powerslam at 2:50.

Meanwhile, you should buy HOT TICKET, featuring Hulk Hogan’s Real American Story. JUST DO IT.

Ric Flair joins Bobby Heenan for a special interview while Piper does a hilarious freakout on commentary. Flair dares Piper to get up and fight him, and also has words for Hulk Hogan. Neither of them come to fight him, disappointingly. Clearly both cowards.

Jim Neidhart v. Barry Hardy

Poor Anvil continues to drift aimlessly without Bret, stuck in puffy pants and feuding with Big Bully Busick. Powerslam finishes at 0:35 after an inset from Busick. “He hasn’t been the same ever since he lost that kid’s show” notes Piper. Vince: “That’s another guy you’re thinking of.” I’m drawing a blank as to what they’re referencing there.

Skinner v. Joe Milano

We get an inset from Ricky Steamboat, who sounds very dark and growly. Skinner finishes quickly with the Gator Drop at 0:50.

Next week: The Natural Disasters! Jim Duggan! Jake Roberts! Ric Flair! Sid Justice v. El Diablo!

El Diablo? I”m legit drawing a blank on that one. Guess we’ll find out next week.