The SmarK Rant for WWF Insurrextion 2002 – 05.04.02

The SmarK Rant for WWF Insurrextion 2002 – 05.04.02

Originally written 07.18.25!

Yes, ANOTHER UK PPV I’ve never reviewed. I’ve got this one and the 2003 one and then I’m done with these weird UK exclusive shows forever. Also this is the last ever WWF branded PPV.

Live from Englandsfordshire, UK, drawing 9308.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler

For some reason the VQ on the Peacock version of this is pretty bad, looking low resolution, and the audio sounds super compressed and tinny. I don’t know if it’s because of my VPN affecting things or what but it’s distracting.

Also this show is probably most notable because Vince wanted to go out and beat up a guy in a panda suit on PPV and had to be talked down from the ledge by his yes men. And considering the things that DID make it onto the air over the years, that’s saying something.

WWF Intercontinental title: Eddie Guerrero v. Rob Van Dam

They trade legsweeps to start and Eddie slugs him down, but walks into a leg lariat and bails to the floor. Rob hits him with a moonsault off the apron and back in with a slingshot legdrop for two. Split legged moonsault gets two. They trade rollup attempts and Rob puts him down with a monkey flip, but he charges and hits the floor and Eddie puts the boots to him out there. Back in, a back elbow gets two. Eddie with the chinlock and Rob quickly makes the ropes to escape, but Eddie continues working him over on the ropes as things slow down a lot after a hot start. Rob comes back with a sunset flip for two and a rollup for two, but Eddie cuts him off with a clothesline. He goes to a kneebar, but Rob fights out of that and makes the comeback with a monkey flip and a jackhammer for two. Rolling Thunder gets two. Five Star frog splash misses, however, and Eddie grabs the belt and hits the ref for the DQ at 11:23. A fine opener with a lame finish. ***

Meanwhile, Jazz and Molly take a stand against women exposing themselves and thinks everyone who shows their body is trash. She sounds like a trad wife Tiktok influencer.

Molly Holly & Jazz v. Trish Stratus & Jacqueline

They brawl to start and the heels work Jackie over, with Jazz getting a legdrop for two. Jazz misses a legdrop and Trish comes in throwing forearms, but Jazz cuts her off with a jawbreaker. Trish hauls Molly in for some chops, but Jazz puts her down with a high kick and puts the boots to her. Jazz with the double chicken wing, but she releases it right away and gets two. I feel like TKO is missing a huge sponsorship opportunity by not having one of the women use a chicken wing finisher that’s sponsored by Hooters. Trish with a backslide while the ref is distracted, and that eventually gets two. Jazz rolls her up for two, but Trish gets a neckbreaker for two. Over to Jackie, who necks Jazz and rolls her up for two, reversed for two. Jackie with a DDT for two. Jazz takes Jackie down with the Red Lobster half-priced crab special, but Trish breaks it up. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, or whatever the UK cultural equivalent of Tulsa is, and the babyfaces hit double bulldogs for a double pin at 8:00. You could see Trish working really hard to get better at this point and this was another good match. **3/4

Meanwhile, Scott Hall and X-Pac are gonna take care of business tonight and then Hall will never fly to the UK again if possible. I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments.

Bradshaw v. X-Pac

Bradshaw tosses him into the corner and beats his ass around the ring, but X-Pac dropkicks the knee and goes to work on the leg to take over. X-Pac pulls off a turnbuckle and Bradshaw goes into that and suddenly he’s busted open for some reason in this nothing match third from the bottom. X-Pac works on the cut, but Bradshaw slugs him down and powerslams him for two. Bradshaw goes up and the signal weirdly goes black for a second, and then comes back with Bradshaw hitting a flying shoulderblock for two. Even King and JR were confused about what happened there. X-Pac to the top for a bodypress, but Bradshaw hits him with the fallaway slam, which brings out Hall for stealing his moveset. Bradshaw goes after him and Hall hits him with X-Pac’s weapon gimmick, nunchaku Jones over here, and that gets two. Bradshaw comes back and takes out Hall, but the X-Factor gets the pin at 8:46 beause NO ONE kicks out of the X-Factor, brother. Sure didn’t stop them from trying to push Bradshaw a million more times before it finally stuck. *1/2

Meanwhile, the Undertaker will show no remorse in beating on HHH tonight.

WWF Hardcore title: Steven Richards v. Booker T

Watching the 2000 WCW stuff, I find it amazing but unsurprising that WCW spent so much time trying to make “Don’t hate the playa” into the catchphrase and failed spectacularly, and WWF got him and turned “Can you dig it, sucka?” into the instant pop entrance right away. Booker puts the boots to him in the corner and beats on him with chops, and then tosses plunder into the ring while Stevie desperately throws them out again. Booker with a spinkick and he sends Richards to the floor for a beating with the BROOM OF DOOM. Back in the ring, Booker beats on him with garbage cans, but Richards goes low and stomps him down. Weird how a guy who spent most of his career in ECW could be so uninteresting in a hardcore brawl. Booker backdrops him, but Richards dumps Booker to the floor and drops a can on him for two. Back in the ring, Booker misses the sidekick and crotches himself on the top rope and Stevie gets two. And we get to a chinlock, but Booker fights out of that, so Richards dropkicks a trash can in his face for two. But then Booker whips Stevie into his own trash can, hoist by his own petard if you will, and makes the comeback. Spinebuster gets two. He puts another can on Stevie’s head and dropkicks him for two, but walks into a Steviekick that gets two. Booker with the Bookend for the pin and the title at 10:52. Clearly this sort of match is WAY outside of Booker’s comfort zone and it showed. Just a really boring C-show TV match with a dead crowd. *1/4. And then Crash Holly runs in and pins Booker right away to win the title, and Booker pins him right back to regain the title. And then Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer attack and set up a table, but Booker fights them off, but Stevie returns, drops him on the table, and pins him to regain the title again and render this whole thing completely pointless.

Meanwhile, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman tell Stasiak to stay out of the ring in their tag match and let Brock do all the work. OR ELSE.

The Hardy Boyz v. Brock Lesnar & Shawn Stasiak

Planet Stasiak decides to take his chances by starting the match and goes after Jeff with a sideslam for two. Over to Matt, who hits him with a Side Effect, but Brock has had enough and pulls Stasiak to the corner and tags himself in. He beats on Matt in the corner and follows with a backbreaker into a powerslam as Matt goes into full ragdoll mode. Another powerslam and he rakes Matt’s face on the ropes and adds a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it Brock facing consequences for being a sex pest. Brock misses a blind charge and hits the post, however, so Stasiak decides to be the hero and tag himself in. And he immediately misses a charge and Jeff gets the hot tag and runs wild on him. Whisper in the Wind gets two. Twist of Fate and Swanton finish at 6:23. And then Brock destroys everyone afterwards and stands tall. This was dumb and accomplished nothing. Just have Brock keep mopping the ring with the Hardyz and don’t overthink it. *

Meanwhile, William Regal is disgusted that he has to face Spike Dudley here in his home country.

WWF European title: Spike Dudley v. William Regal

Spike had won the title on RAW a week before. Regal goes to a CRAVAT right away and slugs away with forearms in the corner, but Spike fights back with dropkicks before landing funny and blowing out his ankle. So the ref calls for the trainer, although this is before the era of the DREADED X SIGN, and the match is going to be stopped. So Regal takes things into his own hands, attacking Spike while the trainer carries him out of the ring, and then attacks the exposed ankle and powerbombs him for two before picking him up. So Spike gets a desperate cradle and pins him to retain at 5:00, drawing boos from the crowd. And then Regal knocks him out with the POWER OF THE PUNCH to get the last word. That was a clever subversion of the injury stoppage but then they ruined it with the fluke win. ½*. Should have just been Regal hitting him in the bad ankle and pinning him because he’s a no good scoundrel and villainous cur.

Big Show v. Steve Austin

Show had just joined the WWFnWo for those keeping track. Ric Flair appointed himself outside referee for this one. Show wins the power battle by standing there and doing nothing while Austin bounces off him, and then throws chops in the corner. Austin goes after the knees and works on those, but Show beats him down with the FRYING PAN HANDS as this match is so boring that it might even kill this group of 9000 drunk Brits and their air horns. Show with a suplex and he chokes Austin out in the corner and then goes to a bearhug. Austin breaks out of that and he makes the comeback and slugs away, but Show puts him down with a big boot and then accidentally clobbers the ref. KICK WHAM STUNNER with no ref, which brings Hall and X-Pac out to brawl with outside referee Ric Flair. Show boots Austin down again and calls out Kevin Nash this time, but Austin hits both him and Show with stunners and pins Show at 15:30. Man you can just see how broken down and unmotivated Austin was by this point. * Afterwards, Flair wants to drink beer with Austin to celebrate their partnership, but Austin turns on him and drops him with a stunner.

Alleged Main Event: Quadruple H v. Undertaker

The extra H is for HGH. Speaking of which, as a reminder, the orange gaslighting wanker was still World champion for a little bit longer at this point, so this is for nothing and means nothing. HHH with a backdrop and he puts Taker on the floor with a clothesline and they fight on the floor. Back in the ring, Taker catches him with a clothesline for two. Taker with the soupbones in the corner and that gets two. Back to the floor for more brawling and back in the ring Taker goes after the quad and drops an elbow for two. Oh and the top rope breaks just to make absolutely sure that they can’t do anything the least bit interesting from then on. So Taker goes to the chinlock, but HHH escapes with a back suplex for the double down. Hunter with the spinebuster for two, but Taker runs him into the saggy turnbuckle and puts him down with a big boot. But then he tries a chokeslam and HHH falls on top for two. Hunter runs him into the busted turnbuckle, but Taker gets the chokeslam on the second attempt and that gets two. Taker grabs a chair and HHH kicks it back in his face for two. Taker with a DDT for two. HHH clotheslines him for two, but Taker comes back with Snake Eyes, only for Hunter to basically no sell it and finish with KICK WHAM PEDIGREE out of nowhere at 14:30. Jim Ross is like WHAT A WAR FOR THE AGES as the crowd dozes for 15 minutes. I mean, it was fine. It was a Hunter-Undertaker match and no better or worse than any of the other 1500 times they had matches together. **1/4

Well this show started with a promising opener and then quickly became about as dire and dull as any other 2002 WWF PPV, sadly. But at least we know that everyone was soon to have a safe, happy, and uneventful flight home!

Oh wait…