The SmarK Rant for WWF at Maple Leaf Gardens – 03.15.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF at Maple Leaf Gardens – 03.15.87

You know, I’ve been doing the Superstars in the buildup to WM3, but then I remembered a show from Toronto that always intrigued me based on PWI coverage, but I’ve never had a chance to review until now.  So with that it’s time for the FRANK TUNNEY SENIOR MEMORIAL CUP TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT.  A wholly original idea discovered and thought up by the brain of Vince McMahon alone.

And really, it’s remarkable that no one had ever thought of this before. You take a bunch of tag teams, have them wrestle each other, and then the winners advance until there’s only one team left. It’s so simple that you’d think someone would have come up with it years ago, perhaps even holding a large annual event built around the concept. But no, it took the singular genius of Vincent Kennedy McMahon to finally crack the code in March 1987. And frankly, the wrestling business will never be the same again.

So the concept here is easy enough to understand, I’m assuming, although the stakes are nebulous.  But tag team wrestling is awesome and so are tournaments. Unlike the bloated two-night tournament from THOSE OTHER GUYS, this is a streamlined 8-team one night tournament because people have shit to do.

Also, to clarify one thing, this show wasn’t intended to be assembled as a complete broadcast, but rather split up into the individual matches and aired as “Canadian content” for Maple Leaf Wrestling in syndication.  So every match features Gorilla introducing himself and the color commentators at the beginning.  And then WWE Classics on Demand finally put the whole thing together as one show when they aired it, which is where this comes from.

Taped from Toronto, ON

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, Jimmy Hart & Johnny V

ROUND ONE:

The Killer Bees v. Kamala & Sika

Sika overpowers the Bees, but they double-team his arm while we get the somewhat hilarious notion of Kamala patiently standing on the apron and waiting for a tag.  Some people should not be tag team wrestlers and Kamala is chiefly among them.  So Kamala tags in and Blair dodges him and tries for a slam.  That doesn’t work.  I blame the sneakers.  Kamala slams him and tries a splash, but that misses and it’s over to Brunzell, , and this time they hit a double slam on Kamala and go to work on his arm again.  Blair gets caught in the corner by Sika and tries to fight back, but Sika gives him the BACKRAKE OF DOOM and puts him down again.  Kamala in with a headbutt and he works on Blair with chops, but Blair fires up and slugs back, with Kamala selling way more than you usually see from him.  Back to Sika to take over again, but Blair keeps fighting, showing really good simple babyface fire to keep the crowd engaged.  Kamala comes in and the heels collide, allowing Brunzell to tag in, hit the dropkick on Sika for the pin at 7:38, and get the hell out of Dodge.  This was a fun opener!  **3/4. And so the Killer Bees advance to the second round, using another revolutionary Vince McMahon innovation wherein the team that loses the match is not allowed to continue competing in the tournament. Previously, wrestling promoters had simply allowed everyone to continue wrestling indefinitely until someone had to go home for dinner. It’s called SINGLE ELIMINATION, and quite frankly I’m surprised no one thought of it sooner.

The Can-Am Connection v. Jerry Allen & Danny Spivey

Allen would be subbing for Mike Rotundo here and I don’t like their chances.  Zenk gets a nice flying headscissors on Allen to reverse a wristlock, but Allen rolls him up for one.  Zenk with a headlock and they fight over a wristlock until Allen makes the ropes.  They get crossed up on a leapfrog spot and that nearly goes very badly for Zenk’s future reproductive chances, but they recover, thankfully.  Over to Martel, who works the arm on Allen and monkey-flips him.  Over to Spivey and Martel gets a sunset flip for two, but Spivey goes to the arm.  Meanwhile Jimmy has a funny discussion with Gorilla where he claims that Alice Cooper only had one hit (“School’s Out”) but he had several.  Gorilla asks him to name those hits, and Jimmy DOES!  The Gentrys had a pretty good run, apparently.  Although notably, Jimmy Hart did not sing lead on their biggest hit, “Keep on Dancin’”, even though he sang all their other hits.  Spivey and Zenk trade reversals as this is kind of going nowhere and the crowd gets bored with it, and then they have more trouble getting on the same page.  Spivey drops an elbow for two and follows with a backbreaker as it’s obvious someone should work heel but Spivey apparently doesn’t want to do it.  Over to Allen and they finally settle into getting the heat on Zenk after 10:00 into this thing, and a suplex gets two.  Allen with a bearhug, but Martel gets the hot tag and everyone is brawling, which leads to Zenk diving over Martel and hitting Allen with a bodypress for the pin at 11:17 to advance.  Kind of a bore.  *1/2. And with that, the Can-Am Connection advances, which presents an interesting logistical challenge because now there are fewer teams than when we started. Thankfully, Vince has anticipated this problem with something he’s calling a “tournament bracket”, an ingenious organizational system using lines drawn on paper to illustrate which teams will wrestle next. It’s expected that the technology will eventually revolutionize other sports as well, although early reports suggest that college basketball officials are skeptical of its practical applications.

The British Bulldogs v. Demolition

We’re still in the Johnny V era of the team here.  Demolition immediately clobbers the Bulldogs at the bell and Ax puts the boots to Dynamite.  Over to Smash for a chinlock and he goes to a bearhug and then beats him down again behind the ref’s back.  Back to the bearhug, but it’s hot tag Davey and he immediately hits both guys with the powerslam and noggins are knocked.  But then Johnny V trips him up and Dynamite gets frustrated and throws in a chair, and that’s a DQ at 4:41 to send the Demos to the next round.  Bulldogs didn’t do much here but it had good heat.  **. Sucks to be the Bulldogs, though, as they had a chance at a rematch for the titles and went out in the first round.  Might as well be the Red Sox.  And thus Demolition advances thanks to another important feature of Vince’s new tournament format: RULES. In previous wrestling competitions, disqualifications were merely suggestions, but Vince has boldly introduced the concept of consequences for breaking them. It’s a controversial decision, especially with the Bulldogs, who clearly didn’t realize that throwing furniture into the ring might be frowned upon.

Paul Orndorff & King Kong Bundy v. Magnificent Muraco & Cowboy Bob Orton

Interesting matchup here to close out the first round.  Muraco and Orndorff slug it out, and it’s over to Orton as he gets slammed.  Bundy comes in and apparently the crowd is Team Heenan tonight, so Orton immediately cowers in the corner to play heel.  Bundy whips him into the corner and Orton runs away from the Avalanche and bails to the floor, so Orndorff kicks him from the apron.  Over to Muraco as Orton chokes Mr. Wonderful out in their corner and they work him over.  Muraco chokes him out behind the ref’s back while Bundy protests, and Muraco goes to a bearhug.  Over to Bundy, but Orton slugs him down for two.  So Wonderful gets a hot tag and cleans house on the heels, hitting Orton with an atomic drop for two.  Bundy is in and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but Muraco hits Orton with the cane and Orndorff gets the pin at 6:22 for something of an upset and a big babyface pop.  The Heenan Family embraced the babyface role and the match worked well as a result.  **1/2. Orndorff and Bundy advance in what might be considered an upset, a fascinating new development in Vince’s revolutionary tournament concept wherein a team that wasn’t necessarily expected to win actually DOES win. Up until tonight, the outcomes of athletic competitions had been determined entirely by advance predictions, so this represents another tremendous breakthrough for the WWF.

ROUND TWO:

And now we’ve reached what Vince has dubbed the SEMIFINALS, an entirely new stage of competition wherein there are only four teams left, but the tournament isn’t finished yet. Mathematical experts have confirmed that four is indeed less than eight, lending further credibility to Vince’s bold theoretical framework. The implications are staggering. It’s entirely possible that someday tournaments will feature quarterfinals as well, although let’s not get carried away with science fiction.

The Can-Am Connection v. Demolition

The Can-Ams clear the ring with dropkicks and then go to work on Smash’s smashing arm, reducing his smashing efficiency by roughly 17%.  Over to Ax and Martel takes him down and works on his arm as well.  The Can-Ams switch off on him, but Martel gets run into the corner and the Demos take over.  Ax necks him on the top rope to put him on the floor for some punishment out there from Smash.  Back in the ring, Martel makes the comeback and slugs away on Ax for two, which was kind of a dumb idea as noted by Gorilla.  Martel with a sunset flip, but Ax breaks it up and beats him down again.  Smash cuts off the ring and Zenk gets increasingly frustrated , but Ax misses a headbutt and it’s hot tag Zenk.  Zenk runs wild and it’s PANDEMONIUM BROKEN LOOSE, but Zenk goes into the post and the Can-Ams are counted out at 9:30.  Best match of the show so far, although the finish was pretty lame.  ***

The Killer Bees v. Paul Orndorff & King Kong Bundy

Bundy immediately turns himself heel again, demanding to be awarded the tournament so they can skip the formalities of beating the Bees.  So the Bees don the masks in response and go to work on Orndorff  with wristlocks and double elbows as Hart and Valiant freak out on commentary.  But then Bundy comes in and dodges Bunzell’s dropkick, putting him down with a back elbow as the crowd is still cheering him.  Orndorff chokes him out in the corner, and Bundy steps on his head.  Orndorff blocks a sunset flip and drops an elbow on Jim, and then Bundy drops his own elbow for two.  Brunzell fights back, but Bundy hits the Avalanche and draws a giant babyface reaction.  Bundy wants to savor the moment and milks the crowd reaction before tagging in Orndorff for the kill.  But then Blair switches in while he wastes time, and Blair rolls up Orndorff for the pin at 4:21.  Very simple match but it was fine for what it was.  **. The Bees advance to the finals, but we now encounter a terrifying possibility that Vince McMahon himself may not have anticipated: What if both teams in the finals want to win? Can a tournament even function under those circumstances? The scientific community remains divided, but Vince has apparently assured everyone that the experiment will continue as planned. Jim Crockett, reached for comment, reportedly stared silently into the middle distance for several minutes before hanging up the phone.

The Red Demon v. Sivi Afi

And now Vince unveils perhaps his most daring innovation yet: A wrestling match that has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOURNAMENT. The idea is breathtaking in its simplicity. Rather than having tournament matches take place continuously until a winner is determined, Vince has inserted an unrelated singles match into the proceedings, presumably to give the finalists time to recover. Early reports indicate that other promoters are considering copying the concept, perhaps even introducing musical performances, celebrity appearances, or some kind of elaborate opening ceremony. But surely no one would be ridiculous enough to do that.  Afi chases the Demon to the floor and back in for a headlock.  Afi with a slam, but a splash hits the knees and the Demon loads up an international object and then hides it in his mask.  Jose Luis Rivera always seemed to enjoy playing a goofy heel character when had a chance.  Demon cuts off a comeback with a clothesline and stops to strut and then chokes him out with some wrist tape.  Afi comes back with a headbutt for two.  Diving headbutt gets two.  Demon misses a blind charge and Afi goes up to finish with a flying bodypress at 4:41.  Nothing to the match but Rivera doing every cheap heel tactic and having fun with it was good stuff.  *

TOURNAMENT FINAL:

The Killer Bees v. Demolition

And here we are, at the culmination of Vince McMahon’s revolutionary new idea: THE FINAL. After an arduous process of having teams wrestle other teams, eliminating the losers, and using sophisticated bracket technology to organize the results, we’ve somehow arrived at a match between the only two teams who haven’t been eliminated yet. This is truly unprecedented in the history of professional wrestling, and perhaps human civilization itself.  I understand Vince has already submitted a patent application for the process, although there are reportedly some objections from the organizers of Wimbledon, the FIFA World Cup, the Olympic Games, and a small chess club in Des Moines, Iowa. Typical jealous competitors trying to tear down a visionary.  I’m impressed that Ax and Smash both did their makeup fresh between each match.  The Bees work on Smash in their corner and split the legs, setting up a figure-four from Blair.  Ax breaks that up and slugs it out with Blair in the corner, but Smash comes in and necks him on the top rope to take over.  They send him to the floor for some punishment out there and then work him over again in the ring, as Ax gets a slam for two. The Bees bail to the floor, however, and don the masks, which allows Brunzell to switch in and dropkick Ax for two.  Smash makes the save, so Blair switches in and hits Ax with the sunset flip for the pin at 6:11 to win the tournament.  Kind of short but understandably so given it was their third match each.  **

Dino Bravo v. Hillbilly Jim

Well this would fall pretty far down the list of matches I would ever want to see.  Bravo stalls to start and claims hair-pulling from the hillbilly, so Jim slams him.  Bravo slugs away in the corner, but Jim puts him on the floor with an atomic drop.  Back in the ring, Dino offers a handshake and then turns on Jim and puts the boots to him for two.  Side suplex and elbow gets two.  He kicked out of Bravo’s patented finisher maneuver?  Jim comes back with a clothesline and beats on Bravo in the corner, but the ref is bumped, allowing Johnny V to come in and get some shots on Jim.  But then the ref wakes up and disqualifies Bravo at 5:30.  Not great.  ½*

But wait! Vince has one final surprise in store for us, because apparently winning the tournament wasn’t enough. Now the Killer Bees get a chance to wrestle the actual tag team champions! It’s another brilliant innovation, rewarding the winners of a competition with an opportunity to compete for something even more valuable. I understand that this was all worked out in advance, which means Vince has also invented PLANNING. At this point, I’m starting to wonder how the wrestling business even functioned before March 15, 1987.

WWF World tag team title:  The Hart Foundation v. The Killer Bees

Big stall from the Harts to start as they milk the nuclear heat for Danny Davis while Gorilla debates math with Johnny V and neither one is particularly good at it.  Anvil pulls down the straps already and overpowers Blair while Gorilla makes fat jokes, but Blair puts him down with a forearm.  The Bees work on the arm in the corner and yank on the beard.  Bret tries for the famous knee from the apron, but Brunzell catches it in a spot you never see.  So Anvil hits Jim from behind and the Harts take over anyway.  Bret chokes him out on the ropes while Anvil takes the ref and we get some double-teaming before some guy actually jumps the railing and attacks Danny Davis on the floor!  Brunzell and Anvil collide while the guy gets hauled out, and Anvil goes for a slam and gets reversed by Brunzell for two. Over to Bret and he gets the backbreaker for two.  They continue antagonizing Blair to distract the ref and Bret cuts off the ring, but it’s hot tag Blair.  Powerslam for Bret gets two and the Harts collide and retreat to the floor while the Bees prep the masks.  It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and the Bees get double sleepers, but Danny takes the ref and then uses the distraction and runs in to reverse a small package, putting Bret on top of a Bee for the pin at 8:58 to retain.  Well Davis sure earned his pay tonight.  But then the Bees beat him up to get their revenge and send the crowd home happy.  A good match to end the night.  ***1/4

And so we close the book on the first and only Frank Tunney Sr. Memorial Cup, a pioneering experiment in the radical new field of having professional wrestlers compete in a series of matches to determine a winner. Although the WWF would never repeat the event, its influence cannot be overstated. Today, tournaments are commonplace in virtually every sport on Earth, and we have Vince McMahon’s bold vision to thank for making that possible.

Of course, there have been some fringe conspiracy theories suggesting that a certain rival wrestling promotion might have held a remarkably similar event the previous year, also named after a deceased wrestling promoter, also featuring tag teams, and also awarding a commemorative trophy. But serious historians have dismissed these claims as coincidence, noting that Vince McMahon had never heard of Jim Crockett, the National Wrestling Alliance, or professional wrestling itself prior to inventing all three in 1987.

A true visionary. Four stars for Vince McMahon inventing the concept of stars.

Hopefully the Vault puts this one online sometime.  Maybe after Vince invents YouTube and the concept of the internet.