The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 08.31.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 08.31.91

Originally written 07.12.26

Taped from St. Joseph, MO on 08.05.91

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Magnum TA

LAST WEEK: Ron Simmons calls out Lex Luger and forms an alliance with Barry Windham that, like many things with WCW in 1991, goes absolutely nowhere.

Johnny B. Badd v. Jimmy Hodge

No relation to Danny I’m assuming. We get an inset from Badd where he doesn’t say anything about Steve Austin so I’m assuming whatever (waves hands) THAT was, has been dropped for good. Badd with a snap suplex and he puts the boots to Hodge and then hits him with a standing dropkick and follows with a high knee. And the knockout shot finishes at 1:50.

THE WRESTLING NEWS NETWORK! WITH GORDON SOLIE!

This week, we’re discussing Bill Kazmaier, who is a strong man who does strong stuff. So we get clips of him lifting weights to prove it. Wow, he’s STRONG! Non-strong people don’t lift weights. Also Solie has heard rumors that Dustin Rhodes wants the TV Title, which might cause friction within the new six-man champions. They only won the belts last week and already they’re breaking them up?

Stunning Steve Austin v. TC Carter

Carter appears to be an extra from Black Dynamite who got fired for dressing like too much of a parody of a pimp. So we get an inset from Austin, warning Dustin that there will be no shot at his TV title forthcoming. Austin with a suplex on Carter for two and he follows with the stun gun and then finishing with a clothesline at 1:10.

WCW Light Heavyweight tournament: Badstreet v. Joey Maggs

Oh for the love of god we actually get PROMOS from both of these guys before the match. And Tony has to spend time putting over the athletic background of JUMPIN’ JOEY MAGGS to pretend like this tournament isn’t a huge joke. Also shoutout to Brad Armstrong for trying to talk like Batman in order to disguise his voice. Joey chases Badstreet to the floor and back in for a hammerlock to work the arm. Does Badstreet even have arms under that suit? He’s very mysterious so you can’t even tell. Badstreet puts him down with a neckbreaker and pops up to the top with a clubbing forearm from up there, and that gets two. Maggs tries a sunset flip and Badstreet blocks that and puts the boots to him, and follows with a dropkick before finishing him with the DDT off the middle rope at 3:33. Real nail-biter there. Obviously they were already bored of the Badstreet character and getting ready to put him out to pasture.

Meanwhile, on another show, Sting comes out for a promo but a mysterious gift box appears in the aisle for him, and it turns out to be Abdullah the Butcher, who attacks Sting and leaves him laying. That actually kicks off a big storyline for Sting.

Meanwhile, Lex Luger thinks Ron Simmons is making too much noise for his place in the sport and needs to stop asking for title shots.

The Enforcers v. The Patriots

Tony calls Larry “a master of stopping momentum” in the understatement of the century. And indeed Larry gets frustrated by Firebreaker Chip early and stalls for time, but a bit of cheating turns the tide and Arn takes over with a neckbreaker on Chip. The Enforcers cut off the ring and double-team him for a bit as the announcers mention nothing about the tag team tournament even though the Enforcers are literally in the finals that are happening on the Clash of Champions less than a week from this episode. Chip fights back with a backslide on Arn, but Larry kicks him in the ribs to break and takes him down for two. Arn misses an elbowdrop and it’s “hot” tag to Champion as this crowd is completely dead, likely having lost the will to live after four hours of WCW 91 tapings. And the Enforcers just toss Todd over the top rope to cut off his comeback and draw the DQ at 5:30. I’ll give WCW the benefit of the doubt and say they were creating a challenger for them after the title win.

Nikita Koloff v. Kevin Grant

We get an inset from Kazmaier, who wants a good old fashioned test of strength between himself and Koloff. Koloff beats on Grant in the corner as Tony announces that Sting is the new US champion after winning the tournament for that belt. Koloff drops elbows on the back and then pulls down the straps and finishes with the Sickle at 2:11. He’s gonna need more steroids to win that test of strength judging by how flabby he’s looking without the straps.

The Diamond Studd v. Larry Santo

Notably, Studd yells “EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME, I’M THE BAD GUY!” on the way to the ring, which we’d certainly get used to hearing later on. So in a plot twist, we learn that DDP has broken up with the Studd and now they’re doing their own thing. Studd quickly takes Santo to the top for the back suplex and finishes with the Diamond Death Drop at 1:20.

Next week: The York Foundation faces the new Six-Man champions in a non-title match!

Next in the TV cycle is Clash 16 if you want to follow along with the redo I did in 2024:

The SmarK Rant for Clash of the Champions XVI: Fall Brawl – 09.07.91