The SmarK Rant for WCW Live in England – 03.13.93

The SmarK Rant for WCW Live in England – 03.13.93

YES, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE EMAILS, I HAVE SEEN THAT IT’S UP.

Taped from Manchester, UK

We get some comments from British residents, and they’re all like “Oi bruv, it’s not ITV World of Sport, innit” and stuff. Also that is a NICE merch stand they’ve got going on there. I’d wear that Vader shirt.

No commentary for this one but it’s pristine video quality so I assume they taped it for a future TV release or something? Before the show starts, Gary Michael Capetta announces that earlier in the tour, Sting has won the WCW World title from Vader. I always forget about those swaps. He also explains the rules, including the “no moves from the top rope onto the throat or neck” rule. Who knew wrestling had rules?

Johnny B. Badd v. Scotty Flamingo

Peak 1993 WCW here. Maybe also some sort of high point for humanity? Hold on, Van Hammer might still be on the way, I don’t wanna speak too soon. They fight for the lockup and Scotty complains about hairpulling in the corner and the crowd is all like “OI, BRUV, BOO INNIT!” Badd takes him down and works the arm while Flamingo yells for mercy and they’re playing for the cheap seats. Badd keeps on working that arm and runs him into the corner, but Flamingo puts him down with a clothesline to take over. But then Johnny takes him down with the arm again as the crowd is on their airhorn bullshit. Scotty tosses him and chokes him out in the ring, which I’m pretty sure was explicitly called out by Capetta as being ILLEGAL at the beginning of the show, and Flamingo goes up with a double axehandle for two and goes to a rear chinlock, which Badd fights out of. So Scotty goes to another chinlock for good measure while we cut to a shot of a mother explaining the hold to her son in the crowd. “See, little Ruttiger, that’s called a resthold, so they can take a break from the action and tells jokes to the ref and stuff.” That audio on this release is really amazing. Badd makes the comeback and walks into a knee from Flamingo to cut him off. Flamingo tosses him again, but Badd fights his way back in and makes another comeback, ramming him into the turnbuckles for a flying bump from Flamingo. But Scotty rolls him up with a handful of tights for two, so Badd dodges a blind charge and gets his own rollup for two. Scotty ducks the big punch and clotheslines him for two. Badd takes him down with a flying headscissors, and finishes with the knockout punch at 15:26. Took a while to get going but the finish was really good and got the crowd into it. **1/2

Maxx Payne v. Michael PS Hayes

Oh my god I forgot all about that awful “Freebird Forever” song that they tried to make a thing. It still blows my mind that Hayes was on the final downswing of his career at this point and he was only 33 YEARS OLD. There’s guys who still haven’t made it past the developmental stage these days at that age. We get a fairly massive stall to start and Hayes does his stomping and romping to excite the crowd before the real action begins: HEADLOCKS. Payne puts him down with a backdrop and follows with a suplex to take over. And then it’s time for the neck vice as even the drunk hooligans in the audience are bored. Bet they’re gonna go knock over a dustbin in Sheffield! Payne with some choking on the ropes but Hayes makes the comeback, only for Payne to drop him with a back suplex for two. Back to the restholds, but Hayes fights out and tries a slam, only for Payne to fall on top for two. Hayes makes the comeback again and clotheslines him down for two, but Maxx suplexes him and then misses an elbow for a double down. Hayes slugs away in the corner, but Payne puts him down again. Hayes tries for the DDT and gets blocked, and Payne takes him down with the Painkiller armbar to finish at 12:40. Did he even work the arm in the match? This was quite shitty. DUD

TAG TEAM ACTION: Ravishing Rick Rude & Barry Windham v. Dustin Rhodes & Van Hammer

Not gonna lie, I was really hoping for Ricky Steamboat in that spot. So Rude is all like “Oi, you lot of wankers are all fat, innit” and the heels attack Dustin before we can finish hearing about how he’s the Natural and all the natural things he does and believes in, but Hammer makes the save and poses down with Rick Rude to start. I’d like to point out that we’ve had three shitty music-related gimmicks in a row to start this show but I feel like we’re out of people to carry that on anyway. Hammer wins a test of strength and WAIT A SECOND, what the fuck happened to Barry Windham and Dustin Rhodes?

Van Hammer v. Rick Rude

OK so I guess this is just a singles match for some reason. Hammer runs Rude into the corners and goes to a rear chinlock as I’m greatly saddened that Rude only had so many bumps left on his card at this point in his career and he’s gotta waste one of them on this goober. Hammer works the back and does a silly imitation of the hip swivel, but Rude also goes to the back to take over again. So Hammer grabs a bearhug to really amp up the excitement, but Rude pounds the back and goes to his own rear chinlock. Poor Rude, it’s like doing matches with Warrior all over again but dumber. More chinlocks. And more chinlocks. Hammer escapes with an electric chair drop and goes up for a flying nothing that hits Rude’s boot, and then Rude also goes up and lands on Hammer’s boot. Thrilling. Hammer slugs back, but Rude catches him in the sleeper. Hammer easily escapes because all the oxygen was cut off from his brain years before, and he makes the comeback as FINALLY Rude sells a fucking atomic drop 15:00 into this terrible match. WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE PEOPLE? Hammer with the slingshot suplex for two, but Rude is in the ropes because Hammer is a moron, and THANK GOD, the Rude Awakening finishes at 16:00. Atrociously long. -*. Also the ring announcer was clearly asking “ARE YOU READY FOR TAG TEAM ACTION?” and I was ready and then they just did a bait and switch and delivered a shitty singles match instead. Like if Dustin was injured why not just throw someone else in there and do the match?

Johnny B. Badd joins us again to receive an award from some British people.

Vinnie Vegas v. The British Bulldog

Amazingly we would have to sit through these two main eventing a real PPV in the WWF a couple of yeara after this. Regardless, clearly this is the real main event of the evening thanks to Big Kev. They trade shoulderblocks and Vinnie wants the test of strength but then gets all distracted by the airhorns and decides to walk out on the match because his buddy Shawn has a really sweet deal lined up for him if he jumps. But then Bulldog coaxes him back into the ring, THANK GOD, and we get the test of strength as advertised. Bulldog tries to slam out of that, but falls apart like Manchester United at, uh, whatever the championship playoff thing is called in soccer, and Vegas is on top for two. They slug it out and Vinnie cuts off a suplex and hits the EMERALD CITY SLAM for two. I heard Emerald City’s got a hell of a football club this year, guv. Vegas with a sleeper, because if anyone knows about putting people to sleep in the ring, it’s Kevin Nash. After enduring a couple of minutes of that, Smith powers out and slams Vegas for two, but misses a charge. But then Vinnie misses his own charge and Bulldog powerslams him for the pin at 11:50. My god, hasn’t the US committed enough diplomatic atrocities on the UK lately without subjecting them to terrible Kevin Nash matches too? DUD

Cactus Jack v. Vader

Vader’s all like “Oi, bruv, who’s the man, innit?” and they fight for the lockup as Vader unsurprisingly wins the power battle. Vader beats on him in the corner, not wearing his usual gloves for some reason tonight. Jack fights back with the double arm DDT for two, but goes for a sleeper and Vader drops him to break. Jack bails to the floor and supports himself on the railing out there, so Vader dives at him and misses, taking an unexpectedly hilarious bump into the crowd that I didn’t see coming. So Jack slams him in the aisle and beats on him with a chair to put him down. Race protests to the ref, so Jack slams Harley for fun and then beats on Vader in the corner before hitting Race with another clothesline. Blind charge misses and Vader just clobbers him with a clothesline before going up with the flying body attack to put him down a lot. Didn’t anyone tell these guys that they were supposed to be taking it easy and doing chinlocks while I made stupid dad jokes about England to fill time? Where do they get off having a GOOD match? They fight to the floor and Jack goes after Race again, but Vader smashes him into the apron while kids are yelling “LET’S GO, MR. JACK!” His FATHER is Mr. Jack, you can call him Cactus. Vader hits him with a samoan drop in the ring and goes up with a pump splash, which gets two. He continues breating on Jack, but misses a splash and that allows Jack to come back with a back suplex, but Vader just WALLOPS him with a right to put him down because he means business. To the middle rope for a flying splash, but it only gets two again. Back up for another one, but that misses and Jack makes another comeback, dodging a blind charge and hitting the Cactus Clothesline to the floor before following with a cannonball off the apron. Back in with the DDT, but Race takes the ref and it only gets two. So Cactus beats on Harley yet again with a suplex this time, but Vader nails him with a corner splash and it’s POWERBOMB CITY to finish at 14:02. OK this match RULED. ****

Afterwards, Capetta finds a kid at ringside who he introduces as “the loudest WCW fan he’s ever heard” after listening to him all night, and gifts him a program for all his enthusiasm. Geez, the kid’s apparently the biggest WCW in Manchester and you can’t even find him a better souvenir than one of the crappy programs? I’d be pretty insulted if I was that kid.

WCW World title: Sting v. Paul Orndorff

THE DUDES WITH ATTITUDES EXPLODE. This is quite the choice for main event. I would have went with the safe choice of Rick Rude instead. Sting had won the title from Vader two nights earlier in Wembley and dropped it on the 17^th in Ireland for a short little week long title reign, maybe a bit longer if you’re using Hulk Hogan math with the International date line or whatever. Interestingly, Orndorff was also fresh off winning the TV Title tournament over Erik Watts at the beginning of the month, but I think that was still a few weeks away in WCW TV time, which didn’t conform to the laws of time and space as we know it. Sting works the arm for a while to start but Orndorff reverses him into a front facelock and uses the ropes for leverage. Sting fights out of that and misses a charge, allowing Orndorff to slug him to the floor and back in for a dropkick that gets two. Back to the facelock yet again as this drags on, but he goes for the piledriver and Sting backdrops out of it and makes the blessedly fast comeback to finish him off with the Stinger splash at 15:00 and retain. *

I just wanna say in the interest of fairness that I love the CONCEPT and general vibe of putting these on there, because that’s awesome, but this show was terrible aside from the Vader match. However, keep throwing these on there, please and thanks.