The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 04.05.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 04.05.86

Originally written 04.15.26

Taped from somewhere not known

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

Paul Jones joins us to start with his new army fatigues, along with the Baron and Pez Whatley. Together they are Paul Jones’ Army and will do everything in military manner. And he’s only got one target right now: Jimmy Valiant.

Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin v. Ben Alexander

Today I learned that Sharp Dressed Man actually uses a drum machine for the studio version. The crowd chants for Wahoo, so Garvin slugs away and finishes with a clothesline and brainbuster at 1:10.

Ronnie Garvin joins David, and he’s got Flair’s number. So we take a look back at a promo from World Championship Wrestling, as Flair presents Ricky Morton with a training bra to give to one of his fans. Because he likes the BIG GIRLS, see, and Ricky likes all the little teeny boppers. Flair doesn’t care if the people love him or hate him, because he loves himself and he knows he’s the best in the world. That’s actually very healthy. But then Morton attacks him and they brawl into the ring, with Ricky beating on him and suplexing him into the ring. Back to Garvin in the studio, as Ronnie notes that Flair has bitten off more than he can chew, and also he’s going to win the Crockett Cup with Magnum.

Magnum TA, the PRIDE OF AMERICA, joins David, and he’s sick of the Russians. So we take you back to Mid-Atlantic Wrestling, as Uncle Ivan beats Rocky King in a squash and then Nikita beats on him with the chain for good measure. But TA quickly makes the save and hangs Nikita with his own chain. Hangman Page was probably taking notes there.

Ronnie Garvin v. Ron Rossi

Ron chops the crap out of the geek and suplexes him into a double stomp, and finishes with Hands of Stone at 1:11.

Tully Blanchard joins David, complaining about Garvin throwing illegal punches and he’s all wound up and demands JJ get him some more TV time to finish his rant.

Hector Guerrero v. Vern Deaton

Hector takes Deaton down and ties him up in a bow and arrow before rolling menacingly around the ring and then he SWEEPS THE LEG for two. Hector with a kneebar, but Vern rakes the eyes to break and pounds away on him. Deaton with a backdrop, but he tries a headlock and Hector suplexes out of it and follows with a backbreaker. And then he spins in the air and splashes him for the pin at 3:23. Kind of a disappointing squash.

Wahoo McDaniel v. David Dellinger

Holy shit, Wahoo actually showed up this week! I thought he was cowering in fear of Jimmy Garvin. Wahoo takes him down and goes to a chinlock, and then finishes him off with the big chop at 2:43.

The Russians join David and the reports that Magnum has injured Nikita’s neck are FAKE NEWS. And now Magnum doesn’t realize what a brutal match he’s gotten himself into. And they’re picking off all the Crocket Cup teams one by one and they’re gonna show up for the Crockett Cup and win the one million American dollars for themselves.

Wahoo McDaniel joins David, and he’s here because Dusty asked him for help. He dropped a lot of things that he had going on and it cost him a lot of money, but he’d do anything for Dusty.

Shaska Whatley v. Rocky King

Pez has now demanded to be called SHASKA. They point out that Rocky was actually Whatley’s protégé and roommate, but not anymore. Shaska smacks him around and backdrops him before tossing him to the floor. Paul Jones gets some shots with the riding crop, drawing mad heat with his stupid military getup. Back in the ring, Shaska with a flying headbutt to finish at 2:02. Tony disrespectfully continues deadnaming him as Pistol Pez afterwards.

Ric Flair joins David, and unfortunately there’s only one Ric Flair and he only likes 4 or 5 women per night so he can’t satisfy the entire arena. As for Ricky Morton, he was just telling it like it is with the training bra jokes, and it’s Ricky’s fault that he can’t take it.

Magnum TA v. Tony Zane

Belly to belly finishes at 0:25.

BREAKING NEWS: We finally learn that EASTERN AIRLINES is the official airline of the Crockett Cup!

Ric Flair, Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson v. George South, The Italian Stallion & Gene Ligon

South gets worked over in the Horsemen corner and Arn hits him with a spinebuster. Flair comes in with a butterfly suplex and abdominal stretch into a rollup for two, but the other jobbers try to save and get beaten down. And the episode cuts out there, so I assume they came back and had an inspirational win.

The history making announcement of Eastern Airlines wins the day here!