The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 08.08.91

The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 08.08.91

Taped from the world famous GLOBALDOME in Dallas, TX

Your hosts are Craig Johnson & Scott Hudson

Onto the second round of the GWF World Tag Team title tournament!

Jim Cornette joins us with his team of Stan Lane and Steve Cox, although Steve is less a member of the team and more of a bystander according to Cornette.

Christopher Love joins us with his team of Randy Rhodes and Eric Fontaine, who turned on their partners in the first round and may or may not have ended up in the second round. But Hudson informs them that Max Andrews has banned them from the tournament for their shenanigans, which has Love angrily declaring “YOU’RE WRONG, DING DONG!” in the sickest burn of 1991. So Makhan Singh & Cactus Jack advance by forfeit on behalf of the Cartel.

Second round: Wild Bill Irwin & Johnny Ace v. Mike & Tom Davis

The Davis “brothers” are apparently from “the bad side of Nashville”, which the announcers dispute could be the case. Also they dispute that there’s a Nashville in Colorado. Irwin hits Tom Davis with a hiptoss to start, although then Johnson clarifies that he’s been warned never to call him just “Irwin” for legal reasons. OK that’s a pretty funny line. The Davis brothers switch off on an armbar, because they look so much alike, working over Johnny Ace’s arm. So they switch off again, and gosh the family resemblance is so strong that you can hardly blame the referee here. But then Wild Bill tries to come in and cheat and he’s terrible at it and gets caught. So Ace makes his own comeback, but Mike takes him down with another armbar, and it’s back to Tom as Wild Bill manages to come in and tosses Tom over the top rope behind the ref’s back. This allows Ace to cheat like crazy on the floor. Another funny bit is that the announcers call him “Tom Davis” but completely ignore the kayfabe and just give Tom Burton’s career history from Japan anyway. Back in the ring, Wild Bill (don’t call him “Irwin”, I can’t stress that enough) misses a charge and Mike Davis goes to a chinlock. Over to Ace again and he powerslams Brother Mike for two and hits a delayed suplex, so delayed it should be called “justice for Janel Grant”, but Wild Bill and Brother Mike collide for a double down. Over to Tom (“the bulky Davis Brother”) and he rolls up Ace for two, but Bill has had enough and just uses the whip on Tom for the DQ at 8:41, sending the Davis “brothers” to the next round against the Cartel.

The Newsroom! With Joe Pedicino!

Top story this week is Scott Anthony, aka “The American Gigalo”, who apparently is “the king of the pickup line”. But we still don’t know the identity of the Boss. Also Axl Rotten will be coming back to the GWF soon.

Meanwhile, Boni Blackstone has a female fan who wants to know why Scott Anthony is “The Heartthrob”. Oh, I know! Because he does so much coke that his heart throbs at an unnatural rate.

Second round: Stan Lane & Steve Cox v. Chris Walker & Steve Simpson

Cornette again does the awesome ring introduction, putting over Stan Lane as a giant star and then adding “oh how about a round of applause for this guy Steve Cox over here.” And then Cornette takes Stan to the corner for a strategy session, making sure to cover up their faces with the tennis racket so Cox can’t listen in. Walker takes Cox down and they trade armdrags before Walker goes to a bearhug, really squeezing Cox hard. Obviously Cox is too oiled up and slips free easily, and it’s over to Stan Lane. Stan slugs away on Walker on the ropes, but he quickly takes a hiptoss and claims cheating on Walker’s part. But then he demands Cox back up his version of events to the ref, and Steve won’t lie on his behalf. Not much of a team player I guess. So Simpson comes in and hiptosses Lane, and Stan again claims a pull of the tights, so they try the routine again and ask for Cox to back up their story, which he still won’t do. So Lane finally tags Cox in and instructs him on the proper way to do an armbar, although not to Stan’s satisfaction because he would have been happier to see some cheapshots taken as well. Back to Lane and Walker misses a dropkick, allowing Stan to take over with a neckbreaker and thrust kick, and Cornette adds a shot with the racket. Back to Cox, who immediately takes Walker down with a headlock, and Cox is looking kind of limp by comparison to the dynamic Lane. So Stan shows him the proper way to choke someone out behind the ref’s back, which is pretty generous on his part if we’re being honest. But then Walker gets a sunset flip and Cox sees THAT and informs the ref about it. Walker rolls up Lane for two, but Stan chokes him out again and goes to an abdominal stretch while looking for help from Cox. But Steve won’t play ball, so Cornette helps instead. And then Lane holds Walker for a free shot from Cox, but instead Steve just grabs an armbar like a complete chump. I can’t blame Cornette for treating him like a pariah at this point. Cox goes back to working the arm, and then Stan comes in and rips at the eyes to show him how it’s done, but misses a blind charge and hits the turnbuckle. Hot tag Steve Simpson and he slugs away on Lane and backdrops him, and where is Cox to help out his partner? Finally Lane gets a tag and Cox goes back to his lame ass shit, as Lane readies the tennis racket but Cox won’t let him use it. So Simpson dropkicks them into each other and pins Cox at 13:50 to advance. And that’s the end of that “partnership”, as Lane turns on Cox and Cornette just beats the shit out of him with the tennis racket to lay him out. Chris Walker is terrible but this was tremendous stupid wrestling fun.

Meanwhile, Jim Cornette claims that they never wanted to team with Cox and in fact they had Cox forced on them by the GWF. And now Lane is gonna grab Cox by the neck and twist him.

Meanwhile, Scott Anthony gives us another rap, because he’s the Heartthrob and Handsome Stranger is not handsome but is certainly stranger.

The Cartel joins Craig in a group interview, and Scotty quips that Craig is “Jim Cornette on human growth hormone”. So Scott Hudson steps in to take over and Scotty notes that “you got a crew cut and the crew never came back”.

So they’ve kind of run out of time for any more actual content, and the announcers talk about the tournament to kill some time, and we get highlights from NEXT week’s show to fill some more time, and then we get about 30 seconds of a random match between Billy Black and Brian Adias as we go off the air. Tight production is certainly not the calling card of the GWF thus far.

Regardless, both matches this week were really…well I won’t go as far to as to call them “good”, but they were quite entertainingly dumb in a way that I dig.